"Ukonete prosm vstup a nstup, dvee se zavraj, "1 beseeches a soft yet firm voice from above; the

voice of a benevolent angel you would, however, rather not fuck with, as you board the metro car and the doors softly close behind you. Positioning yourself at a strategic outpost by the central doors, you remain alert, scanning your borders for enemy movements. However, instead of pipers, all you see around you is a timid bunch of fellow passengers. Fanatically avoiding eye contact, everyone seems to be engaged in muffled t te!"! t tes, reading a maga#ine or pretend sleep. $lternatively, many are staring at the top corner of the car, where clever professionals, apt in the art of harvesting alienation, have placed advertisements for everything and anything, from nudie bars to suicide hotlines. %nce upon a time, you did use to travel &ust like a model citi#en, for Prague is too large to handle by foot and the public transportation system too efficient to pass. $ny destination that is beyond the reach of one of the three metro lines is surely covered by the tightly webbed tram service, and wherever trams do not go, busses do, day or night. 'here was only one catch, though, for which you had to turn on this city merely for liking it so. 'he more you liked it here, the longer you found yourself wanting to stick around, until accumulating commutation costs became a threat to that very possibility. (ndividual tickets were then replaced by a more economic monthly one, even though that kind of long!term commitment goes against everything you believe in. $ month of law!abidance came and went, yet you haven)t been inspected even once on any of your many e*cursions. 'herefore, when the time came to purchase a follow!up ticket, you simply neglected to do so. 'he very ne*t day, you got busted on one of the trams. +ubse,uently, that catch came to be a game of catch!me!if!you!can, for a concern for the moment, in the face of dangers that were real and immediate, takes precedence over

Please finish e*iting and boarding the train, the doors are closing. -.#ech/

the process of a rational mind. (t became a game of piper and mouse; a .#ech roulette, in which the house always has the last chamber.

"Pt stanice: 0 12stek," announces the voice from above. 3our mind then snaps into red alert level and all battle stations are instantly manned. 'his central metro station is both a well known renegade tourist trap and, as it unfortunately happens, also your desired e*it point. $s the doors slide open, you ,uickly mingle with the human traffic, relaying on your supernatural ability for inconspicuousness to keep you flying under the tourist radar. (t)s not that locals never get busted, but then again, why circulate local funds when you can throw some foreign currency into the circulation. 4y the escalators, two undercover pipers are spotted in mid!raid upon an elderly 4ritish couple, so you instantly swing around and make haste in the opposite direction. 5Bugger! Bugger!! Bugger!!! ooks !ike it"s time to pa# t$e%& and right there and then, the innocent looking businessman, stationed by the e*it you)re rapidly nearing, turns on a confused 6erman teenager and pulls out a badge. $gain, you swing on your heels and make a tactical retreat back towards the relative safety of a train &ust pulling into the station. Hot under the collar and perspiring bullets across the forehead, you completely lose your cool, scanning your flanks so frantically, that you nearly bump into a beefy laborer, who materiali#es right in front of you. 7ith the flash of a badge and a smile, the friendly laborer transforms into a .heshire cat and begins to toy with this 1o##arella mouse. 5!stek, prosm'8 he purrs, but you remain as dumb as only a tourist can be. 5'icket please98 he finally pronounces under a subsiding grin. 3ou produce an unstamped ticket you keep for e*actly this kind of hard cheese. He looks you over, but unfortunately finds you in a far too &ittery of a state to pass as someone who has happened to make an honest mistake.

:e*t stop -.#ech/

5'hat is five hundred crowns fine,8 he then asserts, but you)ve already learned to instantly deny having any money, credit or debit on your person, which is your idea of castling in the old game of law vs. disorder. 51ay ( see your passport, please;8 he then changes his tactics. +eeking his favor by complying with this seemingly harmless re,uest, you hand over the passport. 5:ow come with me98 he commands, after having checked the passport, as well as the game, pocketed it and nodded in the direction of a couple of policemen, busy chatting up a pretty girl at the top of the escalators. 5$nd my passport;8 you naively in,uire. 5( vill keep the passport until you pay fine98 is his final check, mate and two smoking barrels up your butthole, ()m afraid. $ short while later, you)re back, with more money than you would have spent monthly, plus a steadfast resolution not to attempt traveling without a ticket ever again. <<< (t)s summer time, and the livin) is easy. (taly has e*tended you a welcoming hand, as you drift like the cool evening bree#e across its brush stroked landscapes, its museum!like cities and fabulous cuisine, delighting in every last minute of it. 'he only snag is that traveling (taly is comparatively pricey, while your funds somewhat limited by this stage of your &ourney, and getting more so by the day. 1oney earned through honest labor back in Holland, as well as efficiently managed by being so very =utch about it; the very same funds that got you comfortably through more than half a year around various parts of >astern >urope, has began trickling from undetectable holes in your pocket the minute you)ve crossed south of the $lps. 1oney, in this case, can buy time; time to e*plore (taly; time you)d gladly use every possible trick up your sleeve in order to e*tend, even if it means turning on the very same country you would like to e*tend it for.

$mong the many people traveling the rather short distance between :apoli and Pompei, ancient home to the most notoriously devastating volcanic eruption in human history, hides a stowaway in plain sight. 'he impassioned 1editerranean sun is grapping the train car in its smothering embrace, turning it into somewhat of a locomotive rotisserie. (nside this steaming car, half baked folks shift uneasily, as if to make sure they get evenly roasted on all sides. 3ou yourself have drifted off into a semi!conscious, semi!hallucinatory state of mind, in which a stream of lava is now running the length of the aisle, radiating heat you can barely take, yet nor can you manage to find the way out of this hell)s kitchen. ?ust as the molten lava is beginning to scorch the soles of your flip!flopped feet, you)re being pulled out of that most unpleasant frame of mind by a bearded fellow in a loosely buttoned shirt, with lake si#e sweat stains forming under the armpits. 'hat friendly looking fellow taps you on the shoulder, then takes off his hat and wipes the sweat off his forehead with a swipe of his arm. 5(ig!ietto, per )avore,8@ he then pronounces, under his shaggy beard. +truggled by this reality assault on a mind that has yet to have fully surfaced, you first offer him a sweet smile of reassurance, then make as if searching your pockets for the ticket, though you know damn well you ain)t got one. 4y the time he finishes checking your neighbors for tickets, you are finally forced into an attempt at communicating the idea that you)ve lost your honest to 6od purchased ticket in a charade of gestures and mimics. :eedless to say, the conductor ain)t all too pleased with the situation. :evertheless, what is genuinely astonishing about the whole thing is how very astonished he himself appears to be, as if the idea of running into someone attempting to travel without a ticket is something one would hardly e*pect in his line of work. %nce taking you off the train at the ne*t station, he simply remains by your side, stumping his sandaled feet against the wooden surface of the platform and looking ever so baffled and miserable, that you actually begin to feel sorry for that sweaty, hairy foe. Finally, with a face as red as high noon, a mile long, unspeakable string of colorful (talian phrases escape his trembling lips, accompanied by various &esters of the hand. He
@

'ickets, please -(talian/

then turns on his heels and simply walks off, leaving you behind, all alone and ever so grateful for not being able to understand enough (talian. $bout twenty minutes later, another train arrives at the station, and you board that one with the lightest of hearts and en&oy the rest of your free &ourney to Pompei. :o misgivings, no remorse. %nce an honest living no longer pays off; when morality goes bankrupt and scruples down the drain, one might as well &oin the sc$*arze+ side. A.ause, once you go schmuck, you should never look back. <<< 'raveling may be many things. For some, it is an escape, for others a goal and for some, its own purpose. %ne)s &ourney may come in all shapes and forms, lengths and fre,uencies. 7hether you travel lu*uriously, leisurely and generously or, alternatively, on the cheap side of things, having to shoestring even on shoestrings, in its very essence, traveling is a time of spending without earnings; monetarily giving without receiving. For that reason, traveling countries with a comparatively high cost of living re,uires a fair amount of trickery, or else the price you pay is measured in time. 'he higher the cost of traveling, the shorter the &ourney, the longer the labor re,uired and the less time remains for life to be simply lived. 'herefore, if you but engage commonsense, have it repeatedly seek possible shortcuts; learn how to spot the holes in the fence, you would be able to turn even a pricy country such as >ngland into an ine*pensive travel. .urrently, you are on your way to spending the weekend visiting an old mate, traveling +outhern Bailway, from Condon Dictoria down to 4righton ! a popular destination for day!trippers in search of sun, beach and carnivales,ue atmosphere. 4righton in summertime offers everything that has to do with fun, tanning, partying, beer, fish E chips. 4eing among the few places around the 4ritish (sle where the water is not far too cold for bathing, it)s probably as close as 4rits get to a real beach.
F

4lack -6erman/

$ble to kill three birds with one stone, you)ll now get to delight in the festive 4righton atmosphere for a few days, catch up with this dear old friend and en&oy his generous, not to mention cost!free, hospitality. $lready positioned at your strategic outpost by the central doors, you remain alert, scanning your borders for enemy movements. 'he ad&utant cars, beyond these sliding boundaries, are your buffer #ones, where a piper could be detected before he shall descends upon you. Gpon detection, and with a bit of luck, the e*it doors might swing open in time for a daring escape. $lternatively, you can always try a tactical retreat to the toilet or, at the very least, come up with a half decent defense act. 4ritish rail is a tough costumer though. Gnlike the warm!blooded (talians, the 4ritish officials have the coolness of a pickle. Gnlike the lenient .#echs, here they)ve also got these huge, tough and manned gates at the train station platforms; gates you must possess a ticket in order to get through. 7hat kind of ticket, though; :ow, that)s a different story all together. $ll you needed to do was to buy a single stop ticket, in this case to .lapham ?unction, and use it in order to get into the platform at Dictoria +tation and onto the train. +ame drill goes for e*iting the platforms. Cast station before 4righton is Preston Park, a countryside terminus station, where you will need to get off the train, buy a single stop ticket and board the ne*t train. $t the end of the line, when e*iting the platform at 4righton +tation, use that ticket, and arrive at your destination safe, sound and at about one fourth of the incredulously original price. (t has been a ,uiet ride so far and, at the moment, the coast is still clear. $nd so, you sit back, rela* for a bit and stare out the window at green meadows, as they slide out of view, only to be replaced by even greener meadows. 'raveling without the proper ticket ain)t a matter of playing against the rules, but a responsible choice to play by your own rules. 1ake public transportation an affordable public service, and supporting it by the purchasing of tickets would be my moral choice.

Heep on charging I0J an hour)s ride, and ()ll keep on being driven outside your bo*. 3ou)ll insist on calling it theft, and ()ll claim that he who steals from a thief is e*empt. :early a decade has passed since the early days of e*ploratory stow!awaying, and through e*perience, you)ve been growing new preceptive layers like an aromatic onion. :ow, fully responsible for the choices you make, as well as for their repercussions, you finally are capable of sustaining your travels even in the most e*pensive of countries. $ reflection of a hint of stirring catches your eye and you snap out of your contemplative mode, only to land, backside first, on the hard, concrete surface of reality. 3our head casually turns, the hinterland scanned and your worst fear is confirmed. .ruising awfully fast down the aisle is a stern looking piper, who looks like she could scare all the poor little mice right outta town &ust by scorning them. Bight now, caught with your guard down and your pants round your ankles, without enough time to bring any other course of action into play, all you)ve got left in your arsenal are either the Astupid tourist) routine, or the Apretend sleep) trick. Gnfortunately, she)s looking straight into your widely open eyes. $nd so, an angelic, half!witted e*pression is ,uickly pulled over your face. 5'icket please,8 she booms in your sweet face. 5,cusi, >nglish so soK8 you reply with a smile capable of melting an iceberg, yet she remains entirely unmoved, radiating sub#ero personal warmth. 5'(.H>'98 she barks, as if !ouder is a synonym for c!earer. 5%h, scusi, scusiK ticketL, yesK8 you light up like a .hristmas tree on a spring chicken, and produce your null ticket. 5'his ticket is for .lapham ?unction, sir.8 53es, yesK .lapton ?ackson, please. How many time is statione, please;8 5+ir9 7e)ve passed it long ago, sir,8 she mumbles, unsure what she)s dealing with. 5+ir, yes sir98 you but &ump to salute. 5Conago; 7hat lonago;8 3ou can practically hear the iceberg shutter into tiny ice cubes, as a wide grin finally begins its uncertain invasion onto the unfamiliar territory that is her face.

5+ir, please come with me,8 she offers, escorts you toward the nearest e*it and waits by your side, until the train arrives at 6atwick $irport. $ll this while, you struggle to resist a desperate urge to top it all off by doing the A( screamL for ice creamL) routine. $t the platform, she patiently e*plains to you how to get back to .laphamKsorry, .lapton ?ackson +tation, pats you on the head and boards a different train. $bout twenty minutes later, you board the ne*t train down to 4righton, praying you shall not have the good misfortune of running into that very same conductor aboard that other train a second time, an encounter no amount of clowning would be able to &ustify this time around. <<< Having spent three years traveling the $mericas, working the 6olden +tate and feeling like you)ve &ust graduated from the faculty of nomadic!studies at the Gniversity of Cife, the time has come to change horses in midstream and establish yourself in greater >urope, where you chose to seek your fortune within the lower lands. 'he reasoning responsible for that choice was the huge advantage to the :etherlands over any other country you)ve previously traveled or resided in, ever since you first stepped onto the road; an advantage in the form of a =utch passport. 'his citi#enship was granted initially to your father for having been born, yet not raised, in these lands. Cuckily enough, it was also passed onto you, hence making Holland the perfect choice for the establishment of a >uropean home base; a home away from home, so to say. (n the center of the :etherlands lies Gtrecht, forth biggest city in Holland and home to the monumental Hoog .athari&ne ! the country)s biggest train station and shopping center e*travagan#a. ?ust south of Gtrecht lies a small town called :ieuwegein; a featureless town, whose name can be loosely translated as Anew &okes). Practical or not, :ieuwegein turned out to be no fun at all, a disappointing discovery made through pragmatic e*perience, gained during a couple of months of residing among its concrete monstrosities and artificial lawns.

%nly thing is that, by the time you)ve moved to bigger and slightly better Gtrecht, you)ve already managed to secure a good &ob with a local hi!tech company, speciali#ing in data solutions, and was managing their warehouse, on the outskirts of humorless :ieuwegein. >ager to eat the kruidkoek- and leave it whole, you found yourself obliged to commute daily between the twin towns by means of the notorious sne!tram'. Fast, efficient yet pricey, this tram service soon became a heavy burden on your pocket. Having yet to have received your very first paycheck, you knew the small change left from half a year of traveling .entral $merica might simply not last you the month. $s a very last resort, you decided to take your chances and board the tram with an unstamped ticket, on one dump winter morning, resolved to immediately have it stamped in case a conductor shows up looking for easy prey. $s it happens, there)s a rather lengthy nonstop stretch once leaving Gtrecht and before finally reaching the first stop in neighboring :ieuwegein; a ride from which there is no possibility of escape, which also makes it a perfect trap for the renegade commuter. :eedless to say, in all the time you)ve been using this service, not a single conductor has ever chosen to materiali#e during that specific lag of the &ourney. :onetheless, and as if on 1urphy)s command, on that particular and unfortunate day; your very first attempt at traveling without a valid ticket, at the very moment the sne!tram leaves Gtrecht, the ticket stamping machine abruptly transmits an ominous c!ank, and two conductors suddenly loom into view at both ends of the congested car. 5/$is can simp!# not (e $appening to me 98 you proclaim in disbelief, but still make haste in shoving your ticket into the slot, &ust in case it actually is happening to you. 'he lifeless machine, though, simply refuses to stamp you into salvation. 50$#, #ou !ous# !itt!e%& you struggle to refrain from striking that collaborator down and add vandalism to your list of offences. 51o on,8 you rapidly move to the ne*t stage, turning your eyes to the roof of the tramcar in a silent prayer, as the conductors are leisurely making their way through the crowd. 50e"re (ot$ 2e*is$, #ou and 3'''8

M N

'raditional =utch spice cake Fast tram -=utch/

:evertheless, with your prayer left unanswered, you sink back into your seat in despair, overwhelmed by the cold, hard reali#ation of being all alone in the universe. 'he enemy is closing in on you from all sides, as you finally reach the final stage and come to terms with the inevitability of ill fortune in the greater scheme the wheel has in store for you. $ moment later, and you)re welcoming the pipers with a serene smile, as they both descend upon your position at the center of the car simultaneously. 5kaartje, a!stu(!ie)t.8O $s you step off the tramcar, you find yourself surrounded by no less than five stern collectors, who literally look down on you from their great height, while an official fine of heaps of gu!den4 is being administered. $pparently, while you would be able to skid the gray #one in plenty of countries around the world, the one place where you could not mess around with the law and order of things is back where you permanently reside, are e*tensively registered and even pay your ta*es like a model citi#en. Heep on drifting though, and very few would ever bother to try and catch up with you, or even force their minor rules and regulations on you. For, a rolling stone, as they say, can hardly be made to gather no moss, for better or worse.

O P

'icket, please -=utch/ =utch pre!euro currency