Some eight thousand five hundred twenty three kilometers in rail distance from Moskva, across the whole

of Siberia, lies the city of Khabarovsk, the administrative center of Khabarovsk Krai, in the easternmost corner of the vast Russian Federation. By the time you finally step off the rans!Siberian train, here at this biggest of urban centers you"ve had the pleasure of laying your weary eyes on in a long while, your three months visa to Russia is but a few days short of e#piry. $t has been a %ourney so long even Mao se!tung would have probably been hen again, while he was considering that single first step somewhat of a hasty one. more of a locomotive manner. &t this late point in your %ourney, necessities and technicalities, such as a legitimate consent to one"s presence in a totalitarian country, must be dealt with responsibly, and Khabarovsk is %ust the place you were planning on doing that. 'ence, first thing the ne#t morning, you report at the (hinese consulate in town, armed with a fresh batch of passport photos and banking on scoring a tourist visa to that most fascinating and mysterious land) a land that commences beyond an imaginary line in the sand, a mere nineteen kilometers away. *uring the most properly communist of waiting periods, you chat up a local, +nglish speaking travel agent, and get her to fill out the application form for you. he only detail you decide to leave blank for the time being is the ,uestion of your nationality, for you"ve got two of those, and cannot tell which one might play more favorably with your future (hinese hosts. &round noon, when your turn finally comes, you march into the consoler"s chamber, accompanied by your newly ac,uired translator, hand the forms over to the severe looking clerk, fortified behind her firm desk and stern little spectacles, and find yourself grinning like an imbecile in the face of uncertainty.

leading his bunch of farmers afoot, you at least had the privilege of %ourneying in a much

-ou then politely re,uest a one year long visa, and as the ,uestion of your nationality arises, you simply hand her both your passports, humbly allowing her to take her pick. .ith remarkable speed, so she does/ &s she picks the third option, namely denying both your nationalities of legitimate access to the country she represents, her beady little eyes spell S!0!- all across the retina. &fter all, it is tough enough for your average (hinese citi1en to get even one passport, which makes two nothing short of incriminating. 2ow, you"re suddenly considered a Mosad agent, or far worse 3 an agent of the *utch secret service, the one nobody ever heard of, which actually makes it far more secretive than the $sraeli one. his turn of events leaves you too dumbfounded to even protest. 4nce revived though, you in,uire as to the options available to you for reversing this most unfair of decisions, and are in turn advised to try at the embassy in Moskva, said eight thousand five hundred and change kilometers away. Finally, you plead for reconsideration, and are asked to return in three days time. 5$t vill be okay,6 promises your translator. 5 hey only fuckin" vid you.6 hen, she collects the stack of visa approved passports she came here for, wishes you best of luck and leaves you to your confusion, made even graver by the agitating inkling that you might be in someway to blame for this miserable turn of events. 4h well. 4nly thing to do now is to wait) hold out and put your trust in it all being better in three days time. 777 .hile you wait, you decide to replenish on other necessities. &fter a lengthy train ride across the whole of Siberia, most of your e#haustible resources have nearly been, well, e#hausted. +ntire weeks spent in passing have taken you well under the critical two books minimum and your hair!conditioner has been diluted down to an actually drinkable level. 4n top of all that, your *iscman has been stolen from your shared room at the pension last night. &nd so, right after your well balanced coffee and cigarette sorta breakfast, you locate the local marketplace and begin to search, choose and haggle for a long list of items.

he vendors, most of whom rather oriental of features, seem ,uite perple#ed as to the appearance of a foreigner, buying their cheap 8made in (hina" merchandise. But then again, business is what business does. he most important factor to consider, when getting oneself e,uipped for traveling, is comfort. $n the case of a backpacker, comfort lies not in having an e#cess of resources to fit any need, but in the e#act opposite. .hen everything you own is to be carried on your back across entire continents, the key element is reduction. Reduction is also essential for the limited space a backpack offers. .ith half that space already taken up by a sleeping bag and a trusty hammock, the amount of clothes you carry with you must be minimal, as well as fit all possible weather conditions you"re likely to come across in at least a single climate 1one. herefore, this time around, you buy a small bottle of shampoo 9 conditioner in one, and refurnish your bath!kit with fresh ra1orblades, a pack of cotton swabs and a hard toothbrush, as you fail to remember when you began using your current one. -our medical kit also re,uires maintenance, as you"ve ran out of plasters, iodine and antiseptic cream. -our anti!inflammatory pills, good against fever, headaches and hangovers, seem somewhat anti,uated, but they"ll have to do for now. you might be able to score some under!the!counter antibiotic pills round here. &s for mos,uito repellent, a traveler"s best of aids in the continuous war against his worst of enemies, you better leave that one for when you cross over to (hina, 8cause it"s local products that always seem to work best with local pests. hat is largely all the medicine a relatively healthy!by!the!grace!of!mother!nature sort of a person shall ever need, not taking into account special needs, such as an inclination for ear infection, which adds eardrops to my own shopping cart. Soon enough, you also locate a cheap replacement for your stolen *iscman, plus rechargeable batteries, that would also fit the flashlight and your low!cost camera. he thing one has to bare in mind is that delicate e,uipment is prone to getting broken, while e#pensive gadgets are prone to getting lost or stolen. his Russian summer has taken no toll on your burn ointment, so no need for that, but if you"re lucky,

All and all, not bad for a days shopping spree, you reckon, as the whole list of items you %ust purchased cost you a total of about fifteen bucks, and will keep you going for a long while. hat is one of the benefits of traveling such an ine#pensive country. $n order to celebrate a mission well accomplished, you treat yourself to a nice ten cent ice!cream and a thirty cent pack of 4pal cigarettes. 5Dobryi vecher,6: the pretty girl at the kiosk greets you. 5Priviet,6; you say, staring into gorgeous eyes that won"t even flinch. 5Kak dela<6= 5Spasiba, harasho,6> she replies, handing you back your change. 5Mozhet byt eta noch, ti y ya pivo ..<6? you propose with a charming smile, indicating drinking with one hand, while offering her a cigarette with the other. 5Poche!"<6@ she in,uires in a most direct manner, without a hint of a reciprocative smile, while taking your offering and lighting her cigarette first, then yours. 5#i ochin$ krasivaA6B is your honest to god rationale, as well as the only one you are capable of e#pressing with your do1en words worth of Russian vocabulary. $n a typical Russian manner, she does not make a fuss about your misuse of her mother tongue, and instead, a calculated smile finally graces her delicate face. 5%adna,6C she replies. 5&stretitsya so !noi zdes v vose!.6D 5'se!<6:E is the only word you managed to pick up on, while with your inde# finger you indicate the concept of 8here". 5Da( Paca 6:: she confirms, and already turns to deal with another customer. &nd so, you"ve got yourself a date for tonight. 777

: ;

Food evening GRussianH 'ello GsameH = 'ow are you GsameH > Fine, thank you GsameH ? Maybe this evening, you and $/beer..< GsameH @ .hy< GsameH B -ou very pretty GsameH C 4kay GsameH D Meet me here at eight GsameH :E +ight< GsameH :: -es. See you/ GsameH

'ow long have you been here< & day< & week< &n eternity< -ou %ust sit there and watch, as the train swooshes through forest after forest) along river after river) across harsh after harsh. 4nce in a while, your own reflection in the window would stare back at you and smile. hirty years of age, crinkles beginning to mark the passing of years, still living out of a backpack, giving 8real" life the finger and doing things your way. -ou take a sip out of a plastic bottle, where a =!in!: coffee powder mi# has previously been dissolved in water from the boiler by the toilets, to form an essential link in your evolutionary %ourney towards consciousness. &cross the aisle, four young men are already en%oying a spread of bread, cheese and salami, with clear vodka easing it all down their throats. hey notice you staring at them and signal you to come over, but the mere thought of it makes your stomach turn, and so you politely decline and resume staring out the window. -ou silently sit and watch the dusty plain, as it slides out of view, only to be replaced by an even dustier plain, as it has continuously been doing for who knows how long by now. & day< & week< &n eternity< 777 Some eight thousand three hundred and twenty kilometers in rail distance from Moskva, lies the town of Birobid1han and the administrative center of the Iewish &utonomous 4blast, on the eastern rim of nowhere. 4nly once the train pulls into town, and a huge sign in -iddish spells out more than %ust the name of the place in 'ebrew letters, do you finally make the effort to look it up in the Jonely 0lanet, and find out a little more about the town"s unusual characteristics and cultural significance. & rapid choice is then made, and your ticket, that would have been valid all the way up to Khabarovsk, had you only remained on that train, is hence discarded for the sake of spontaneity and in defiance of a hardline, communist ob%ection to fle#ibility of commuting.

&s it turns out, you"ve certainly made the right choice, as the town is currently hosting its annual -iddish cultural festival, an e#perience as unlikely ! as astonishing ! as running into penguins in the middle of a desert. .ell, it only goes to show that this specific 8odd bird" sure does get around. &nd so, after a bleak eternity spent in commutation, that very evening, you end up at a colorful celebration of culture, heritage and pure )oie de vivre, that is partly your very own, partly far from it and simply lots of fun to partake in. &s a performance of Klez!er music, an &shkena1i tradition and a reminiscent of the human soul, complete with laughing, weeping and dancing, ends on a high note, a low! end -iddish cabaret follows. *ressed in kapote*+ rather than black leather, and silk garters well hidden underneath lengthy skirts, the show is nevertheless an unbelievable, half cra1ed and barely intelligible celebration of the bi1arre fantastic. Iust one of these things that makes you glad to be alive. hat"s about it, really. 2othing more to say. 777 'ow many stations precisely like this one have you visited along the way< & do1en< & couple of hundreds< &n infinity< -ou ,uickly scan the platform, not knowing how much time you"ve got left, registering vendor after vendor of nourishment for the body) occupation for the mind) vodka for the soul. 'ere and there, you see yourself reflected in the eyes of the old bab"shkas,*, vending their homemade food to passengers, both hungry and bored. & professional wanderer, yet as hesitant and lacking in confidence as when you first set foot into the world. .ithout the slightest indication or provocation, the train slowly begins to roll away, catching you off guard, in mid!haggle for a portion of piroshki*- and without much else. +mergency mode instantly kicks in, you forget about the food and sprint back towards the moving train, %ump the open car door and pull yourself in.
:; :=

& long coat of black silk worn by 'asidic Iews Frandmother GRussianH :> Russian dumplings

Breathless, hungry and frustrated, you open the plastic bag, containing the only kind of nourishment you did manage to purchase, pull out a cup of instant noodles, fill it up with water from the boiler and mi# in the spices from the added baggie. Fuess that"s what you"re gonna be feeding on for a while, at least until the train shall pull into its ne#t, what< wentieth< wo hundredth< $nfinite station< 777 Some so and so thousand kilometers into the dreary heart of Siberia lies (hita city, the administrative center of Kabaykalsky Krai, and otherwise a rather indistinguishable city all together. he wooden houses and dusty streets, which make up most of this city, look e#actly the same as any other town you came across so far. &s always, there"s a muddy river, which gives this city its name, la1ily flowing through its dilapidated center and where people sunbath in the soft rays of late summer. he skyline, as ever gray and bleached, is dominated by rusty onion domes, which almost bring tears to your eyes. &s a matter of fact, the only reason you"ve chosen to get off the train at this wearisome destination is the urge to be off the train. -ou check into a rundown hotel and then embark on a lengthy stroll) the stretching of the legs and unclenching of the buttocks. -ou stroll away from the center and into neighborhoods of crumbling down, communist, concrete apartment blocks, where ancient tram rails and rusty trolley busses run across muddy paths, leading into tinny markets, where ancient, Mongolian!featured women sell their skimpy stock of garden vegetables. Finally, you end up back at the center, with but one, and only one, option for an evening entertainment. he only problem with going to the cinema in Russia is the fact that everything is dubbed, for until you"ve seen +ddie Murphy speak Russian, you"ve yet to have known what &bsurdity really is. Juckily enough, #er!inator ,. /ise of the Machines is playing at the local cinema. & good old fashion action flick, with plenty of special effects, is always the best way to go when dialogs may prove somewhat problematic.

&nd indeed, you are not the least disappointed. &rnold Schwar1enegger once again proves that, with his impeccable talent for the stage and personal charm, he can deliver a similarly captivating performance, be it in Ferman, +nglish or even Russian. .ithout understanding much more than 8hasta la vista, bab"shka", you get the plot without a hitch. -ou know who the good guys are, who the bad gal is, where it"s all going and why. Sure turned out to be a fun evening for a boy in a bubble, within a cloud, locked in his own 0eter and 0aul fortress of cultural and lingual isolation. Sometimes in life, that"s the best you can hope for. 777 'ow long has it been since you last had a coherent, deep and meaningful conversation with a fellow human being< & week< & month< & lifetime< $t"s not that you don"t interact with your fellow commuters. -ou interact everyday, sometimes the whole day, sharing food, drink and smokes) mi#ing a do1en words into numerous statements) sharing moments of comfortable silence with doe eyed girls. More often than not, though, that 8me ar1an go %ungle" type of communication is such a poor reflection of the parties involved that it"s hardly worth the hassle. Furthermore, even beyond the language barrier, people can also be such a bore. -ou skid down from your bed, careful not to land on any piece of luggage, fold the bunk back into the wall, grab your bottle of coffee and head down the wagon, over to the space by the toilet booths, where you can en%oy a solitary smoke. Iust as you"ve put your cigarette out in the overflowing ashtray nailed to the wall, and are about to light a second one, the bitter looking dev"shka,:? whose %ob it is to keep your platzkart*0 clean and orderly, appears at the door. Reproachfully, she sweeps the cigarette butts from underneath your feet, gives you a sneer and then strides off with the air of a martyr. 'ow long before you shall have an interaction with a fellow individual, more rewarding than the likes of this one< & week< & month< & lifetime<

:? :@

Firl GRussianH =rd class railway carriage GsameH

777 Luite fed up with the repetitiveness of Siberian cities and towns, you decide to take a fellow traveler"s advice and get an impression of the wilder, more rural character of Siberia by visiting a small village on the way. & night ride east of (hita lies the village of Shilka, small enough to seem as though a fly left a tinny bawl mark on your map of Russia. $t is barely five o"clock in the morning, as you get off the train. $t"s so damn dark outside that you"re left clueless as to which way the village lies. herefore, you take over half a stone bench right outside the station, sharing it with a ragged, toothless old man, and try to get some sleep. .hen the sun begins to rise, you hop on the first local bus you see, assuming any all transport would take you into town. 4n your way, you spot a couple of houses along the dirt road, yet by the time you reali1e that these houses 1ere town, there"s nothing but muddy fields as far as the eye can see. 4ptimistically, you assume the bus would turn around sooner or later and head back into town, yet every minute that passes takes you further away from so!called civili1ation) deeper and deeper into the essence of nullity. Finally, you elect to e%ect, backpack and all, from the midnight e#press, and begin to drag your deflated carcass and all your belongings along the muddy path, back towards the general direction you imagine the village to be in. $t"s freaking cold, and as the wind blows dirt in your face, you raise it to the sky and pray that these dark clouds won"t, at the very least, be weeping all over you. 'alf an hour later, an ancient fuel truck of rusty, peeling yellow picks you up. he chatty driver proceeds by telling you the entire history of the region, out of which you manage to understand fuck all. Iust as it starts raining, he drops you off in the middle of a cabbage field, collects a few rubles, points you in one direction, then heads the opposite one himself. wo hours and three short rides later, you finally make it back into town, where all you wish for is shelter from the unforgiving elements and a hot cup of coffee.

Mnfortunately, of both there is none. his village does not even support a single hotel, and as far as coffee goes, it"s each man for himself. For two more hours, you drag your feet through this anytown, MSSR) a muddy, depressing shit!hole that makes you wanna die, until you decide to give up on the whole 8rural" thing and hitch a ride back to the train station, where you spend the remains of the day on your stone bench, waiting for the night train to Khabarovsk. 777 'ow much vodka must a man force down, before they call him a man< 4ne shot< & bottle< &n ocean< -ou want to get up, walk away, leave the table, but you can"t. $t"s much more than social eti,uette keeping you from defecting, but a complete and utter breakdown in coordinative skills. $nstead, you watch the guy who"s missing two front teeth) his girlfriend with the huge rack) his kid brother, who has downed a whole bottle by himself) the folks who"ve turned this public space into their living room. +very now and then, your progressive state of into#ication serves to reflect that, which is normally hidden so well inside your cave. his caveman is fed up with the polite, friendly and the politically correct, and would gladly knock the rest of this guy"s teeth out rather than pretend that drinking together automatically makes you best of buddies. Juckily enough, the brother then collapses to the floor, and you make use of the diversion, manage to get to your feet, e#cuse yourself and attempt the vertically challenging. 4nce you"ve succeeded in pulling yourself up into your bunk, you %ust lie there for a while, waiting for the world to stop spinning. 'ow much time have you been spending in Russia by now< Sure does feel like forever. Feels like you were born here) like anything else is but a distant memory of a past life. More importantly, how many days have you actually got left on your visa, huh< 777

For three days you"ve been dating this girl who does not speak as much as a single word in +nglish. 2evertheless, your Russian has been improving tremendously, and where words cannot go, body language does its bit. +very evening, you"ve been picking her up at the kiosk where she works. She then treats you to an ice!cream, and you treat her to beer for the rest of the evening. 2ot even once has she smiled at you, for smiling is frowned upon in this country. 2evertheless, she has been proving herself ,uite the keen customer, all too eager to comprehend your broken Russian and hidden intentions. hen again, how hidden can a man"s intentions really be< 5#i yest$ dr"ga26:B you finally in,uire. 5Da,6 is her reply, short, succinct and to the point. 53de26:C -ou"re not at all convinced you heard her right, with an ear that"s been aching the whole evening, yet keep a given front as cover for being taken aback. She points at the other side of the bar, where this kid, no older than your pubic hair, is sitting by himself at a corner table, looking ever so gloomy. 54 ya shto26:D But she %ust shrugs, empties her glass and signals the guy at the bar to get us another round. -ou can"t help but admire this kind of pragmatic state of mind. he second evening, you notice the boyfriend is no longer there to chaperone, therefore grow a pair and attempt a somewhat more pragmatic approach of you own. &fter all, you"re the one paying for all them beers. 5Poche!"26;E she stares straight into your eyes, without the slightest indication of offence, nor of being flattered. 50ochemu niet<6;: is the best you can come up with. 50otomu shto 1avtra...gde< Kitai<6 ;;

:B :C

-ou have/boyfriend< GRussianH .here< GsameH :D &nd me/what< GsameH ;E .hy< GsameH ;: .hy not< GsameH ;; Because tomorrow/where< (hina< GsameH

5Mozhet byt da, Mozhet byt niet,6;= you reply, then pause and search for a way to say that what really matters in life is not the morrow but having fun today. 5- ya vsegda budu v RossiiA 0onimaesh<6;> 5%adna,6;? is all you can say to that. 5%adno,6 she agrees. 5bolshe piva<6;@ 5Da, bolshe piva principessa,6 you sigh, then go get another round. 4n the third evening, you"ve already succumbed to simply en%oying having someone to spend your evenings with) someone to drink beer with) a visitor to you fortress. Sometimes in life, that"s the best you can hope for. 777 &nd on the forth day, you wake up early in the morning with a fever and a horrid little ear infection. 2evertheless, you show up at the (hinese consulate even before they open their doors, and %oin the crowd of people already waiting outside. hat entire morning is a blur of tormenting bureaucracy and shades of paperwork. -ou drift in and out of focus, as the aspirins wear off and the fever runs high, so that by the time your turn finally comes, you can hardly even remember why you are here, or where here actually is. -ou spend half an hour trying to e#plain to the severe looking clerk how come you have two nationalities, as well as trying to come up with a convincing itinerary for a trip that has yet to have been planed in the slightest. hen, you spend half an hour trying to convince her that what you asked for was a thirty day visa, which got twisted in translation into an absurd re,uest for a whole year. .hether she understands what you are saying or not, she %ust keeps nodding and repeating the word 5Solly/6 over and over again, as if that could make it all better. he bottom line is, they don"t like you, and that"s all there is to it. hese self!righteous little bureaucrats) investigators, %udges and e#ecutioners all in one, playing dice with the fate of men) arrogant gatekeepers to entire countries, cultures
;= ;>

Maybe yes, maybe no GsameH &nd $ will always be in RussiaA *o you understand< GsameH ;? 4kay GsameH ;@ More beer< GsameH

and heritages. hey would speak on your behalf) dictate who is worthy of becoming your friend and who you shall not be allowed to play with. #o hell 1ith the! all, you finally cave in, as the fever becomes intolerable, and %ust before you feel you are about to cause a ma%or diplomatic incident. 5f they 1ont grant !e a si!ple visa, 5ll )"st have to find so!eone else 1ho 1ill6 2ot knowing what e#actly that should mean, you storm out of the (hinese embassy, and straight into the Iapanese one ne#t door, where in less than half an hour, you score a three month visa to their, much more reasonable, country. hen again, being more reasonable than the (hinese is far from being a notable achievement. 'nce in 7apan, you reckon, %ust before buying yourself a one way ticket, 5d be able to get a visa to 8hina at the 9!bassy in #okyo straight a1ay /6 for, not even in your wildest dreams, do you see yourself staying too long in a country as heavy on the budget as Iapan. &nd so it is, that two days before your Russian visa runs out, you find yourself on a plane to 2iigata, with absolutely no knowledge of the country, its culture or its people, and with as many concrete future plans as you"ve got magic beans. 4f one thing you are confident though. -ou are confident that everything will work out fine one way of another, for it is true that when there is a will, life always finds a way, even if that way may turn out to be so goddamn circuitous at times) so tortuous, in fact, that you might actually end up emerging on the completely opposite side of what you imagined your own will to be.