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Carrie Allen Professor Benington Dance 1010 October 13, 2013 Life History Interview: Pieter Van Heerden

A few months ago I was introduced to a fascinating man named Pieter Van Heerden. Pieter was born in South Africa; he did not come to the United States until his early adulthood years. Today Pieter is a well respected professor; he is very unique and quite diverse. Pieter and I had many conversations about his life; we probably talked with one another on four different occasions. Pieter is very easy to talk too, he has many life experiences and he is very willing to share those life experiences. I chose to write my paper on Pieter for a few different reasons, first he is culturally and socially different from me, second his sexual orientation and lifestyle differs from mine and third because his life story has so many unexpected twists and turns that I find him to be a diverse and extremely interesting individual. Pieter was born in South Africa. On his paternal grandfathers side, his family was from Great Britain, while his maternal grandfather was a Lithuanian, Jewish immigrant, who married an Afrikaans woman. The two of them eloped from a small country town to the big city of Johannesburg. At the time, South Africa was a new place offering jobs in mining gold and diamonds and it was an opportunity for people to have a fresh start. Pieter is a third generation South African. He tells the story of how his dad and mom met. They were both amateur ballroom dancers. His mom and dad met at a ballroom dancing club. They fell in

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love instantly. Pieters mother and father were married at a young age; his father was only twenty-four. Pieter goes on to explain that he was an only child in his family and that unfortunately after his mom had only been married to his father for a short while she became very ill. Pieter remembers his mother being a very warm, nurturing and inviting person. She passed away when he was only five and half years old. His father remarried quickly after his mothers death. His new step mother Adaeze was a dancer and had two daughters of her own, Femi was twelve and Bahiya was nine. Pieter explains that his new mother wasnt the nurturing kind, that she was more an authoritative figure than a mother. Unfortunately, Pieter and Sheila didnt get along very well. I asked Pieter what it was like growing up in South Africa. He told me that South Africa was split up into segregated communities. There were the whites and the blacks. He said that blacks werent allowed into certain places, that blacks had their own restrooms, schools, and drinking fountains. That it was normal for whites to have servants. Pieter remembers the first nanny that his family ever had. His first servants name was Ghufira. She had been with the family since Pieter was a baby. He recalls that she used to strap him to her back and go about her daily duties, like washing the floor and taking care of the house and his mother. Pieter explains to me that after his mothers death his new step mother sent Ghufira away. Pieter is heartbroken because now he no longer feels a sense of security without Ghufira or his mother there. As Pieter grows up, he witnesses many new changes. He sees that life is not the way that he would have imagined it. Pieter and his new family seem to be having a hard time getting along. There is much turmoil in his home and Pieter and his older sister are constantly arguing. He is having a hard time fitting in with his stepmother as well. I can

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understand where Pieter is coming from, since my family is a blended family and at times it was very hard to navigate where I fit in; I can understand how hard it is finding your place. As our conversations continued I asked him what his favorite meals were growing up. Pieter said that they grew up eating roasted chicken, roast beef, roast ham or Indian curries. Pieter remembers the family sitting around the table eating curry and wiping their faces with paper towels because the curry was so spicy. On special occasions Pieters family would get to eat roast lamb with mint sauce. He continued to tell me that when his family was pinching pennies they would eat tripe, which was considered a poor persons meal. Some of Pieters fondest memories are at Christmas time. When we think of Christmas we think of snow and cold but in South Africa the weather at Christmas is like summertime. One of Pieters fondest memories is of when they would have Christmas pudding. Pieter describes it as a cake made with dried fruits that was wrapped in muslin and left to ferment for a month or so. The cake was so special because throughout the cake there would be little surprise gifts. Pieter explains that his grandparents would hide tickeys, which were British money worth 2 cents and little ornaments in the cake. His favorite part was when his family would pour the brandy sauce over the cake and then set it on fire. Pieter said he would eat until he made himself sick just to find all of the gifts hidden in the cake. Hearing Pieter talk about Christmas reminded me of how our family spends Christmas morning. We invite family members over and enjoy a blueberry French toast bake. The food is so warm and delicious and the company is so inviting. In the next serious of conversations with Pieter, we discussed his family some more but we concentrated on his first love, his wife and his partner. Pieter expressed how he had

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struggled with his sexual orientation since before he was thirteen. He found himself attracted to boys from a very young age. His first crush was on a boy that he was friends with in high school. Pieter recalls being very confused about his sexuality, he explained to me that his first sexual encounter happened at age fourteen. Pieter was so distraught after the encounter that he and his friend knelt down in prayer asking for forgiveness. Pieter tells me how he had fought these feelings, that he would ask God to forgive him for having these wants and feelings. As Pieter progresses in age he tries everything to calm these feelings, to disregard these feelings, to forget about these feeling once and for all. After trying to put these feelings to rest Pieter decides that he just needs to be the best young man that he can be; he decides to go back to church and try to ignore these feelings. Pieter describes to me the first time he met his wife. He was seventeen years of age and he is at a young men, young womens activity when Halili walks into the room. Pieter recalls that he was instantly drawn to her. However he didnt approach her because she seemed so confident, that she had an elegance about her that intimidated Pieter. It wasnt until Pieter was in his early twenties that he and Halili would meet again. Pieter had just returned to South Africa after attending BYU. He had come home to see his elderly grandparents and happened to run into Halili through a mutual friend. Pieter and Halili worked on a project together choreographing dances for Saturdays Warriors. They only went on two official dates, but Pieter knew this was the woman he had to marry. For the most part Pieter and Halilis marriage was wonderful. They were married for twenty-four years and had three wonderful children. Even with all this happiness Pieter wasnt able to stay faithful to Halili. His feelings and strong attraction towards men returned and Pieter acted on

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those feelings. After periodical episodes of unfaithfulness, Halili and Pieter decided to end their marriage and go their separate ways. Pieter felt as though it was time for him to explore these feeling and figure out exactly who he was. Pieter decided that he wanted to figure out why having a relationship with another man was so terrible, he wanted to face his fears and see if having a relationship with another man was truly what he wanted. Pieter had fought off these feelings for a long time, and now the longing of a having deep relationship with a man was something Pieter felt he needed to investigate. Pieter first met his partner Dabir through a Mormon support group website. Pieter and Dabir would not start dating one another for some time. After Pieters divorce Pieter moved to Salt Lake City; he felt as though he needed a new start. Pieter and Dabir were introduced to one another through mutual friends. One evening after attending an art gallery, Pieter looked up at Dabir and wondered why he wasnt dating this amazing man. Pieter said that he had some reservations because Dabir wasnt exactly his ideal man, but that Dabir was very kind, generous and very smart. Dabir and Pieter have been together now for nine years. In wrapping up our conversations, Pieter surprised me by telling me that he was not a US citizen. This conversation took me by surprise and I asked him how this had happened. He informed me that while being a student at Arizona University he had taken a teaching job and his paperwork didnt get filed properly. He further informed me that if he was to leave to the United States to visit South Africa he wouldnt be able to enter back into the United States for at least ten years. Pieter wasnt willing to risk not being able return home, so he pretty much went underground until his youngest son reached the age of twenty-one. In 2001

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Pieter received his work permit and in 2004 he received his green card granting his residency in the United States. The only restriction of not being a citizen is that Pieter doesnt have the right to vote. In concluding my interviews with Pieter I learned that growing up in South Africa made Pieter a person who saw life through a different lens. He learned that family is very important to him, that a family doesnt have to have a certain make up as long as each other loves one another. I learned that he loves to dance and that dance is ingrained in him, that he loves his children, his ex-wife and his partner equally. I also learned that he had many struggles as a child, a young adult and as an adult that helped to shape the person he is today. I am very thankful that he was willing to share those experiences with me.