Paris Blackwell ENGL 1101 September 18.

2013

Paris Blackwell Rebecca Agosta ENG 1101-19 September 18, 2013 Progress of the Sponsorship of My Mother Project

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Commented [R1]: I cant tell if the title would be: The Sponsorship of My Mother or if the whole thing is the title?

Im three years old, and its time for my first performance. I see everybody in the crowd looking at me waiting to see what I will do, ; little do they know that I am about to blow them away. My have spent months going over the song, running it over and over, time after time. Im not even nervous. What does nervous even mean at three. The church is packed with people, talking about how this little girl is about to get in front of them and perform. I see my dad, sister, aunt, uncle, everybody is here. The most important of all, my mom, is sitting in the front row with a microphone in her hand, waiting to give me my signal to come on out. I see the signal. I walk out, with my head held high ready to show all these people that a little girl can sing too. The music starts and everybody starts clapping. My mama is holding my mic and tells me when to start. Jesus, Jesusoh what a wonderful child. Jesus, Jesusso holy mickey mouse.. Even though Im singing the wrong words, everyone is cheering and singing along. My mom is smiling at me, singing along too; she looks so proud of her baby. After months of practicing with me, over and over, in the car, in the kitchen, before bed, Im finally singing the song. After Im done all the older people stand up and clap so hard for me. My pastor is saying how God was going to use me to minister to others through song. I must have done

Commented [R2]: This line sets your age and whats about to happen, but I wonder if theres a more compelling way to start this out. Your next lines show your personality more, so this seems like a sentence just meant to set the scene rather than draw the reader in. Commented [R3]: However, my passage concerning the rest of my family might be a little confusing because it really doesnt have a lot to deal with my mom. I may have to go back and tie her more into the passage as a whole. I dont have any really questions except for how well did my snapshots incorporate the importance of my mom with my passion and love for music? Commented [R4]: Great line

Commented [R5]:

Paris Blackwell ENGL 1101 September 18. 2013

better than I thought because even he started to sing the song and everyone joined in, including me. Im only three, and they say that I am going to minister to others. This made me extremely happy. This point was one of the first times I ever sung in public. I fall fell in love with it immediately. The feeling that all those people were there for me, the feeling that I was making others happy just by singing. This warm feeling of needing to sing just to keep functioning. Little did I know that this feeling and love would grow as much as it would as I grew older?
Commented [R7]: Made me love singing even more. Doesnt have to end that way, but this is incomplete and needs a verb to finish it. Commented [R8]: Same with this. Its a fragment, which is effective, but can be made into a complete sentence. I like fragments, especially when used to draw our attention to something. Maybe 1 instead of 3 in a row would make it stand out purposefully. This snapshot gave me a lot to think about for your literacy: it does seem more focused on singing than your mom, but you are looking at both so thats okay. I was able to understand that church/religion has played a big role in your literacy as well as the love of performance and connecting with others. This is a literacy that started very young and was very public from the get-go. Commented [R6]: You start your first paragraph saying it was the first, so this feels repetitive.

Days that my mom and I would take an entire day just to be together were some of the best days I can remember. We would go shopping and go out to eat, have having so much fun. But, the most special moments were when my mom decided to start randomly singing and make me jump in to help. I can remember how she would start singing an old hymn, and I wouldnt even know the words. She would repeat the song over and over until I got the words then she would tell me to harmonize with her. When I was younger I had no idea how to do this, but as I got older and she helped me more and more, . I began to pick out a harmony so quick. We could start at one note and by the time we were done, be in a completely different note of a completely different song. I never thought a car could be such an impact on someones life. The car was the spot for my mom. She always seemed to want to teach me some lesson about how to match pitch or broaden my vocal range. The car was to her as a class room is to a teacher. I loved being able to sing full out, strong and proud. She would always tell me that

Commented [R9]: This gave me a good visualization of how you two using singing to connect during car rides.

Commented [R10]: Car or car ride?

Commented [R11]: It was her place to teach you. For me growing up, the car was the place of all serious talks. Maybe because I couldnt escape mid-ride

Paris Blackwell ENGL 1101 September 18. 2013

singing loud like that built my confidence. These days of quality time with her, singing to our hearts desire is really where I boosted my confidence. I could mess up the song, the note, anything and she would never judge me. She would always say, Thats okay, baby, ; try it againshit, even mama messes up haha. This would put the biggest smile on my face. Eventually, I got to a point where my mom would just look at me and say, Wowyou really have learned a thing or two over the years.. These moments with her are times I wish I could get back, or at least have one more time.
Commented [R12]: I think this scene is really heartfelt, and the dialogue shows your relationship and how she really just valued you becoming a confident person and spending time with you. As for your literacy, we can see that it goes beyond singing. Its connecting to people, your mom here, and its building confidence.

Its 11:08, time for concert choir. My favorite part of high school was being able to go sing in the middle of the day. If it were not for my mama pushing me to stay in choir, I probably would not even be here right now. Mrs. Burke is calling roll as always and after she gets done we have warm ups. Im one of her favorite altos. She loved my strong deep voice so much my freshman year that she allowed me to advance into the Concert Choir without even auditioning. Today she is starting one of the hardest songs we will sing at out concert., itsIts in Hebrew. When I saw the music I was horrified. I thought to myself that I am only a sophomore, I cannot read music, let alone in another language. I went home so irritated with Mrs. Burke. I told my mom that this crazy woman expects me to sing this by sight and in another language. M uy mom started laughing at me and told me that this is good for me and that this is why she wanted me to stay in choir so badly. I would have the opportunity to learn different languages and sing at an entirely different level than what I was used to.
Commented [R13]: Is this the first time you had to read sheet music? Your previous snapshots show that you sang by ear and learned to harmonize that way. It also seems like you learned lyrics that way (although Im sure you could read lyrics even if it didnt come up). This snapshot shows a new situation that requires you to learn new things to sing with the group. Your mother is a motivating factor here in seeing this opportunity as one worth taking.

Paris Blackwell ENGL 1101 September 18. 2013

When I went back the next day I had a new frame of mind. I went to class eager to start this song, this God awful song in Hebrew. Its crazy though. By the time the concert came around I could sing the music by memory. I was actually speaking in Hebrew and understood what I was saying. The day of the concert my mom took me out to dinner. In the car she told me to sing the song for her. I started singing, and she looked so happy. She looked proud. She told me that after the concert that she saw the love of music and singing in me again. Being able to actually learn a song in Hebrew and sing it so well with determination not to mess up and sound my best she said was evidence that my love was back, she said. She was right.

Being a part of a choir was always fun. Before moving churches, I used to sing with my mom, dad, and sister in the combined choir. I loved being with all the adults, and my talents had really started to pick up. I was singing more solos at church services and different programs that we would have. However when I was six, we moved to a new church and things changed for the worst. I was put in the childrens choir. I honestly hated it. I would over hear my mom telling my dad that I was too advanced for that choir. There werent any solos and all the songs sounded like a bunch of babies crying. I was never allowed to sing the songs the way I wanted. There was no freedom. The one time I actually had the chance to sing a solo, my choir director sabotaged me and made the key of the song too high for me to sing normally. The song sounded horrible. As I ran off the stage of pure embarrassment, I can remember seeing my mom running after me and taking me out of the church. She comforted me and told me that she would find a choir suitable for her baby.

Paris Blackwell ENGL 1101 September 18. 2013

Not long after that horrible day, my mom found a community youth choir for me to sing in. It wasnt at my church and that upset my dad, but to my mom, it was a chance to help me fall back in love with singing because by now I was scared to sing out on my own in public. I had stopped singing solos and never wanted to be on any program this church or anyone else had. This community choir, my mom said, is going to give her her confidence back. She will learn to love music and singing the way she used to, the way we all do.
Commented [R14]: Im not usually of the mind to tell people to put it in chronological order, but you should consider it, especially since it seems that the snapshots do build off of one another. The previous one very obviously comes after this one .You dont have to, but you may want to consider doing it in chronological order considering how this theme highlighted changes over the stories. This snapshot shows a not-so positive experience, but it still shaped your literacy by understanding what you do want out of a choir.

Its Christmas. I hear all the noise that my family is making all over the house. Everyone is finally here and we can actually start everything. My family was a tight family. Holidays meant food and music. My aunt starts us out with Jesus on the Main Line and everybody immediately jumps in. My aunt is leading of course, while we all pick a part. The blend is so beautiful that its almost indescribable. Its like we all knew where each of us would go causing the perfect balance of different voices and notes. My mom, as always is right beside me, changing notes every five seconds to make me learn how to adjust easily. Even though it is extremely annoying, itsits really helped me a lot. I can switch notes so easy that its scary. After our opening song we would pray, say a scripture and sing some more. Other than the food, singing was something we all looked forward to. It seemed as if the music was what brought us all together. On holidays like this the songs were so much better. Even though singing with my mom was the best, singing with my entire family was just so much better. The songs seemed to be fuller, the harmonies were broader, and it was a chance to learn new tricks or have something

Paris Blackwell ENGL 1101 September 18. 2013

new critique my style of singing. As a child I always wondered why my mom, dad, and sister only went to my moms side of the families holiday dinners and big gatherings; but, as my love for singing grew I realized that my moms entire side of family knew how to sing and from that point I knew it was a purpose for us to always be around this side.
Commented [R15]: I remember you speaking about how much your mother has influenced you and how much that influence carries through to your life today. Do you want to do a final snapshot that explores this? If I hadnt heard you talk in class, I would not know this, but I think its important for how you see this literacy, and it would perhaps serve as a good end point for your narrative. Although this is a snapshot essay, it still needs to have a satisfying ending. It needs something that shows the reader the insight gained by exploring all these various stories (much like Kothari did). I enjoyed this last snapshot, but it didnt feel like the end. Perhaps playing around with organization more or writing one more snapshot will help resolve this.