Help Incorporated

A Play in Three Acts By Charles McWittig Copyright 2005 Act One Scene One (Three business offices, artificially lit, no view. There is a gap between the second and third offices. There is also a door SR. The office SR is an unholy mess, with papers strewn about the desk, a computer, crumpled paper, several coffee cups, a briefcase, which is stuffed full, a coat thrown over the briefcase on an ergonomic office chair, file folders, books and accordion folders everywhere. No one is inside. The office SL is a model of neatness. A secretary s desk sits in the gap between offices two and three, with a computer, family photographs and a cardigan sweater draped over a chair. The center office lacks furnishings of any kind. Three men stand within its confines and listen attentively. They are Mel, Norwin and Oli er. All three are in their late forties or early fifties, and savvy businessmen. Norwin is !ritish. A booming, authoritative voice comes from offstage. "ccasionally the three look up and around, trying to discern where it is coming from.! McMillion ("#O#! $s e ery%o&y in' (a i&' Norwin $t)s Norwin, sir# *reetings# McMillion ("#O#! Norwin, o+ co,rse# Mel' Mel

-es, sir# McMillion ("#O#! Ollie' #Oli er nods$. $ ta.e it then that the /an whose na/e is +irst on the letterhea& C,rtis, $srael 0 A%ra/son is not with ,s this /orning' $t)s too early to %e &eli ering cele%ratory coo.ies to the troops, so where co,l& he %e' Oli er No, $)/ here 1 here% (&e raises his hand.! McMillion 2ere at McMillion 3nterprises we ha e charte& e/ployee pro&,cti ity tren&s# $n general we are please& with the increase in what we li.e to call the con+or/ity +actor# -o, will recall we were written ,p in the Wall Street 4o,rnal +or o,r se/inal corporate ter/inology# Oli er They re+erre& to McMillion as 5Tea/ (o,%lespea.6# Norwin We were the +irst conglo/erate to re7,ire a s,%c,taneo,s /icrochip as a con&ition o+ e/ploy/ent a/ong o,r e8ec,ti es# Oli er $ %elie e the article sai& o,r e/ployees nee&e& a secret &eco&er ring to &ecipher the lang,age re7,ire& to wor. at McMillion# McMillion ("#O#!

Now, now, it co,l&n)t ha e %een that negati e, co,l& it' $n any e ent, at last year)s ann,al /eeting, $ anno,nce& the pilot progra/ o+ a (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer to Pro&,cti ity Concepts# To o ersi/pli+y +or the p,rpose o+ sa ing ti/e, Mel, this is essentially an e/ployee we will hire an& pay to &o /ini/al wor. on phanto/ acco,nts# 2is real p,rpose is to attract ha%it,al ti/e wasters into his o++ice an& to report %ac. to /anage/ent on who they are an& what they are ,p to# The p,rpose wo,l& %e to i&enti+y, isolate an& p,rge the ti/e wasters, th,s %oosting pro&,cti ity in the aggregate# $n short, PC lo e& the i&ea, an& $ a/ pro,& to anno,nce that to&ay yo, are stan&ing insi&e the cell o+ o,r prototype (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer# #Mel, Norwin ' Oli er applaud mildly$. Mel' Mel Appropriately eno,gh, yo, tol& /e that this +ir/ wo,l& inc,%ate the (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer while $ was playing +oot%all with little paper triangles, with (ic. Northwoo&s, at a%o,t ten thirty a#/# on a wor. &ay# Norwin 9n+ort,nate, what happene& to (ic.# Mel $t ha& to %e &one# Ti/e wasters are si/ply not tolerate& at C,rtis $srael 0 A%ra/son# Oli er Wait 1 $ tho,ght, o++icially, he resigne&# Mel No, not e8actly#

Oli er B,t there was a resignation letter poste& as an attach/ent to a co/panywi&e e:/ail ; thirty tho,san& people saw it# #(uoting from an imaginary piece of paper$ 5$ will not soon +orget the goo& ti/es an& 1 Mel #finishing for him$ 1 so,n& %,siness theology $ practice& e ery &ay o+ /y li+e at McMillion 1 Oli er #taking back over$ 1 $ regret that it has to en& with an ,n+ort,nate personal trage&y, the &eath o+ /y wi+e#6 O+ co,rse, she wasn)t his wi+e at all at the ti/e she croa.e&# Mel Typically, (ic. &i& not tell yo, the whole story# She &i orce& hi/ in 200<# 9gly /ess, that was# Oli er Ah yes, say no /ore# Mel $ +ire& hi/# 2ow he was hire& %y this +ir/ re/ains a /ystery# We conteste& his ,ne/ploy/ent clai/ an& en+orce& the nonco/pete agree/ent# Corporate Sec,rity &ra+te& the resignation letter as a sort o+ te/plate to ,se in s,ch a contingency# Oli er

B,t (ic. signe& it# Mel O+ co,rse he &i&# #Mel laughs$. The agree/ent pre ents hi/ +ro/ wor.ing +or any &irect co/petitor in any capacity +or se en years# Oli er $s that en+orcea%le' Mel A pl,rality o+ appellate =,&ges says it is# Oli er $+ he was +ire& +or %eing ,seless, why wo,l&n)t yo, want hi/ wor.ing so/ewhere else' Mel 4,st not +or a &irect co/petitor# Oli er B,t we)re a /,ltinational conglo/erate# We sell e erything +ro/ paper clips to s,itcase n,.es to &iaper cleaning contracts# Mel (anny sho,l& ha e tho,ght o+ that %e+ore he signe& the nonco/pete, witho,t which we wo,l& not ha e hire& hi/# Oli er *oo& point#

Norwin -es> McMillion ("#O#! -es, o+ co,rse# Si/ple case st,&y o+ %,siness (arwinis/# Mel -es, yes # # # not to get too +ar a+iel& 1 the 1 (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer will sit in this o++ice an& attract others to co/e to hi/' Norwin 2ow will he &o that' McMillion ("#O#! By sheer +orce o+ his personality# Mil& entrap/ent techni7,es# O,r research in&icate& that an attracti e n,isance can %e a ha?ar& to others si/ply %y %eing there# Mel O,r (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer has charis/atic attri%,tes# Charis/a oo?es o,t o+ e ery pore, yo, /ight say# Norwin One /ight e8press a concern here regar&ing en+orce/ent# Mel 3n+orce/ent' Norwin

2ow &o yo, plan on en+orcing the pro&,cti ity g,i&elines' (oes o,r 1 (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer co/e with a reporting re7,ire/ent' Mel -es, altho,gh we) e +o,n& that entr,sting what is essentially a ran. an& +ile e/ployee with a /anagerial +,nction is 1 well, st,pi&# There+ore, the (#$#3# will +,nction as a nor/al e/ployee, %,t he will report to ,s on a wee.ly %asis, an& his o++ice will %e /onitore& with a ca/era# Oli er Where is it' Mel $t is e/%e&&e& in the wall there# ()oints at L. wall! Oli er What i+ he co ers it o er with a &iplo/a or so/ething =,st as ,seless' Mel We ha e +o,n& in testing this concept that the (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer sho,l& not %e aware he is %eing /onitore&# So we installe& it in the wall# As an asi&e, we at Pro&,cti ity Concepts ha e %een .eeping this o++ice acant an& testing a n,/%er o+ ca/eras# We e en &e elope& a prototype spy ca/# $#T# is consi&ering a spin:o++# Oli er Wow>

Norwin (*dging away from Oli er! Where on earth &i& we +in& a charis/atic entry:le el e/ployee' McMillion ("#O#! What' Norwin One who is willing to &o entry le el wor.' @isten, it is no great secret that McMillion hol&s its entry le el lawyers in lower regar& than it &oes the typists# Oli er The lowest, in +act, in the co/pany# Mel A +act yo, /a.e clear, Oli er, when yo, rewar& the/ with coo.ies e ery Ari&ay# My inter iews yiel&e& a n,/%er o+ goo& can&i&ates# (+orkmen start bringing in a desk, office chair, comfortable chair, bookshelf, telephone and computer, and begin to hook everything up during the ensuing conversation. The office gets cramped, and the workmen ,ostle the three men until they move the conversation out into the hall.! Aor the (#$#3# =o%, that is 1 recent gra&,ates with a co,ple o+ years e8perience with marginal +ir/s, =a&e& losers, &r,n.s, the ,s,al /enopa,sal an& post:/enopa,sal wo/en# Oli er Ac., not another one#

McMillion ("#O#! Oli er is right# We &o not wish to soli&i+y the rep,tation as the co/pany where wo/en are +inally p,t o,t to past,re# The last thing we nee&e& was another ol& %ag# Norwin Wo,l& it not %e possi%le to electronically /onitor lags in e/ployee pro&,cti ity instea&, so/ehow' Mel Telephone ,sage is strictly /onitore& as yo, are well aware# 2owe er, since we so/eti/es ha e to write letters on %ehal+ o+ /e/%ers, it lea&s to inacc,rate co,nts, since so/e e/ployees clai/e& to %e &oing act,al legiti/ate wor. on those occasions when they were not on the phone# Oli er An& there is that &a/n sel+:reporting re7,ire/ent# So/e e/ployees close a +ile a n,/%er o+ ti/es to appear /ore pro&,cti e# Mel -es, there is that, too# ("liver is ,ostled by a chair being carried by one of the workmen.! Oli er Watch it, &,/%ass> We)re on the phone with the presi&ent an& C3O# (The workman slips away and raises his middle finger after Oli er turns his back.! We sho,l& go # # #

Norwin (o yo, thin., sir, that McMillion is p,shing things a %it' $ /ean, this &i ision is %eing in estigate& alrea&y# Wo,l& a corporate spy in essence %ring /ore ,nwante& o,tsi&e attention to 2elp $ncorporate&' McMillion ("#O#! $ sho,l& thin. so/ething co/pletely internal s,ch as this prototype e/ployee will re/ain internal an&, ,h, secreti e, an& in any e ent this is a pri ate %,siness an& the legality o+ the (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer has %een st,&ie& %y o,r own lawyers# Oli er 2elp $ncorporate& lawyers' McMillion ("#O#! $ /ean, o,r real lawyers# (All three look at each other and laugh after a short pause. McMillion ,oins in the laughter as well, a booming authoritative laugh that continues after the three have stopped. +hen they observe McMillion continues laughing, they start up again, timing it so that they stop when McMillion does.! (The workmen finish hooking up the e(uipment and depart after a collective look at the suits to see what the laughter was about.! Oli er

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(-elling after them! What &o yo, want, a tip' *o alrea&y> (&e watches them leave.! That s why /y na/e)s +irst on the letterhea&, gentle/en# ()ause! We sho,l& go# Norwin Are we rea&y sec,rity:wise' Mel -es, Norwin, we are# The ca/era is oice an&Bor /otion acti ate& an& re7,ires an e8ec,ti e oice co//an& or re/ote acti ation to engage# ( &e speaks into his watch. ! 3na%le> McMillion ("#O#! O.ay, gentle/en# @et)s /a.e corporate history> (They e.it @. "n the way out, Oli er offers /high0fives1 to both Mel and Norwin, which they ignore.! Act One Scene Two (Aiona enters SR and flicks the light switch in the far right office. She is in her early0 to mid023s, attractive, thin and petite, with long gray hair. She moves energetically, like a dancer, and is a bundle of focused energy. She removes her coat and tosses it on a creden4a. &er occasional smile poorly conceals the fact that she does not have a sense of humor. There are books and papers everywhere. *fficiently and dead0seriously, goes to several of the piles of case files, opens them and looks inside before abandoning them. She sits in her office chair, bolt0upright, and turns on her computer. She puts on her headset, hits a few computer keys, dials the phone.! Aiona

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2ello, this is 2elp $ncorporate& ret,rning yo,r call# Please gi e ,s a call %ac. at yo,r earliest con enience# ( She hits a few computer keys, dials again. ! 2ello, this is 2elp $ncorporate& ret,rning yo,r call# Please gi e ,s a call %ac. at yo,r earliest con enience# (She repeats the procedure5 hits a few computer keys and dials phone again. ! 2ello, this is 2elp $ncorporate& 1 yes, it is se en twenty:one a#/# 1 $ a/ ret,rning yo,r call# Sir, yo, calle& a%o,t a legal /atter, a pro%le/ yo, are ha ing with warranty co erage on yo,r B,ic.' -es, yo, %o,ght it ,se&' An& what type o+ warranty was it' -o, &on)t .now# Was there a stic.er in the win&ow' -es' What &i& it say' 5As:is, no warranty#6 What +ell o,t' ()ause! Sir, the engine is not co ere&# Neither is the rear %,/per# -es, yo, &o nee& those to &ri e 1 (Pa,se! $+ it)s not really a warranty call, what is it' -o, got rear:en&e&' O.ay 1 (i& yo, co/plete an acci&ent report' With the police' Wait wait wait 1 yo, want to s,e who/' The /an who sol& yo, the car' What a%o,t the other &ri er' 2e le+t' (i& yo, e8change in+or/ation' ()ause! Sir, yo,)re not /a.ing any sense# Please %e 7,iet +or one secon&> Sir, i+ yo, are not h,rt, yo, &on)t .now who the other &ri er is an& yo, &i&n)t co/plete an acci&ent rep 1 -o,r nec. h,rts an& yo, ha e hea&aches' -o, weren)t &ri ing' (becoming increasingly more agitated! @oo., sir, call the police in the city where the acci&ent hap 1 (pause! Sir, i+ this happene& se en years ago there is nothing yo, can &o# -es, $ reali?e& yo, =,st =oine& o,r ser ice an& yo, wante& to gi e it a try, %,t there is nothing legally yo, can &o# No, $ cannot get a lawyer to represent yo, at this ti/e# Beca,se yo,)re still pro isional with ,s 1 an& yo, &on)t ha e a case# -o, nee& to +ollow proce&,res a+ter an acci&ent, sir# (pause! That)s all right, sir, call again anyti/e# (Aiona disconnects, types. Throughout the rest of the scene, when she is not speaking, she pantomimes working, the same routine. +hile she is doing this, *ary enters SC, carrying a bo. of books and office supplies. &e is in his 63s, well0dressed and groomed, but still manages to have a down0at0the0heels, almost sad look about him. &e is attractive, not (uite athletic. &e removes his

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books and supplies from the bo., puts them on the available furnishings hapha4ardly. &e looks for a place to hang a photograph, studies the wall where the camera is, takes out a small hammer and a bag of nails. &e hangs the photograph over the camera hole. Oli er enters S@ with a bo. of cookies#! Oli er Airst &ay' *ary (*nthusiastically! Oli er, how are yo,' Oli er (&e is in a ,ovial mood! *oo&, *ary, goo& 1 =,st wante& to see i+ yo, are getting settle& in# (Looks around, notices photograph, winces! -es, ery goo&# (i& they tell yo, i+ yo,)re going to hang a pict,re to ,se the e8isting nail holes, i+ any' *ary No%o&y)s tol& /e anything yet# Oli er (Sits in comfy chair! -es, well, S,?ette will %e &own to get yo, starte&# -o, will +,nction as one o+ the/, %,t =,st re/e/%er to ha e yo,r report on /y &es. %y +i e e ery Ari&ay# *ary No pro%le/#

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Oli er 4,st preten& li.e yo,)re wor.ing# @et the slac.ers co/e to yo,# Then later we can ha e l,nch# That will .ill a co,ple o+ ho,rs# *ary What &o these people &o again' Oli er $t)s li.e a legal helpline type o+ operation# -o,) e seen these call:in shows, 5The @aw an& -o,,6 li.e that' This is =,st li.e that# -o,r gran&/other co,l& han&le /ost o+ these calls# -et so/ehow they /a.e it &i++ic,lt# Not to worry# -o, won)t %e ta.ing calls anyway, ,nless yo, want to# $ &on)t .now why yo, wo,l& want to, tho,gh# Most o+ these /e/%ers are =,st loo.ing +or so/eone to tal. to, yo, .now what $ /ean' *ary O.ay# ($ y enters SC and sits at secretary s desk, notices Oli er and *ary talking, does a double0take at *ary. $ y opens purse and removes a compact and applies face powder, checks hair, teeth and nails. She is small, thin, wiry and feisty# She enters *ary)s office.! $ y (Too (uickly! $s this the new icti/' *ary (Rising! 2i#

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Oli er (Rising, with considerable difficulty, and (uite put out ! $ y will %e yo,r secretary# Well, not your secretary 1 she &oes the typing +or a%o,t +i+teen Title One attorneys#

*ary What)s Title One' $ y Oh, yo,)ll see# Want to see pict,res o+ /y .i&s' *ary -o,r .i&s' $ y Tyler, (aniel, 4,stin an& 4ason# *ary (Looks her over, struggles for something nice to say. ! Ao,r .i&s an& yo, still ha e a +ig,re' (Oli er bristles#! $ y (To Oli er! This one can stay# Oli er *ary, $ sho,l& let yo, get settle& in an& let $ y get %ac. to wor. (&e glares at $ y!# $+ yo, ha e any 7,estions, pic. ,p the phone an& &ial <:2:D#

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*ary That)s yo,r e8tension' (&e begins to write on a scrap of paper! Oli er Oh no, that)s S,?ette)s# Title One e/ployees &o not ha e &irect access to the partners# That wo,l& %e percei e& as o erly +a/iliar#

*ary Ah# Oli er So/ething a%o,t the corporate chain o+ co//an& %rea.ing &own# *ary O.ay# Oli er 4,st get settle& in an& $)ll sen& S,?ette &own to show yo, how e erything wor.s# (+inks! (Oli er looks at picture again, ad,usts it, e.its S@! $ y -o, /a&e an i/pression on Oli er# 2e ,s,ally &oesn)t co/e &own here on a Title One)s +irst &ay#

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*ary Ceally' $ y We har&ly see hi/ at all on this +loor# 2e)s ,s,ally o,t ta.ing care o+ his apart/ents or o++ so/ewhere# So/eti/es he)ll %ring ,s coo.ies on Ari&ay# *ary 2e has apart/ents' $ y -eah, he)s a sl,/lor&# 2e pays ,s =,st eno,gh to %e a%le to a++or& the rent on one o+ his apart/ents, too# See how it wor.s' 2e .eeps it all# Anyway, he)s a &ic., &on)t worry a%o,t hi/# 2a e yo, /et Aiona' ($ y goes over to Aiona)s office and drags her into *ary)s office! Aiona, this is o,r new Title One attorney, *ary 1 *ary We%%# $ y *ary# Aiona 2ello# @et /e .now i+ yo, nee& anything# $ ha e to get %ac. to wor.# (Aiona returns to her office, puts on headset, resumes miming her routine.! $ y

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$ can show yo, how to t,rn it on# *ary What' $ y -o,r co/p,ter# *ary Oh# No 1 than.s, $ can +ig,re o,t that one /ysel+# ($ y e.its *ary)s office. $ y returns to her desk, dials frantically and talks into phone so that she thinks *ary cannot hear. A short conversation. *ary sits at his desk and turns on computer. 7deally, whatever is on his screen should appear as a pro,ection on a screen at C above the stage. This would be the computer booting up. *ary is not sure what else to do. &e takes a copy of a maga4ine from his briefcase, sits back and starts reading. S,?ette enters S@# She is in her late 83s with short hair dyed blonde, attractive. She is trying to make the most of her remaining se.uality, which was once considerable, and is moderately successful. &er accent is vaguely southern.! S,?ette 2ello, *ary# *ary -o, /,st %e S,san# S,?ette S,?ette#

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*ary S,?ette, sorry# (S,?ette hands *ary a few papers!# S,?ette -o, will nee& to +ill these o,t an& get the/ %ac. to /e so/eti/e this wee.# (She looks around. Stares at picture. ! The partners tell /e yo, are so a& ance& that yo, will not re7,ire any training# *ary 4,st t,rn /e on an& watch /e go, eh' S,?ette (o yo, .now how to get into the syste/' *ary (on)t .now anything yet# (S,?ette comes over behind the desk and pushes her frame in between *ary and his desk so that her buttocks are at his eye level. *ary watches, momentarily fro4en and mildly aroused, then rises and stands @ of desk.!

S,?ette (9uickly! -o, =,st &o,%le:clic. on this icon an& that gets yo, into the Title One /en,# Aro/ there yo, can access the acti e screen# These are people who still nee& to %e calle& %ac.# They are categori?e& accor&ing to ,rgency o+ call, ti/e, s,%=ect /atter o+ call an& /e/%er stat,s# One nine

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eight +o,r /eans they =,st =oine& ,s an& so yo,)re not really allowe& to tell the/ anything or &o anything +or the/# *ary Nothing' S,?ette Not ,ntil their cre&it clears# *ary 2ow will $ .now when their cre&it clears# S,?ette The syste/ changes the/ o er# *ary The syste/ wor.s on cre&it, $ see# (S,?ette looks at him, unsure.! S,?ette 4,st try to answer their 7,estions as %est yo, can# $+ they nee& a letter written, write a letter# $+ it)s warrante&# *ary 2ow will $ .now i+ it)s warrante&' S,?ette $+ yo,)re not s,re, &ial one two three# That)s /y e8tension ; an& $)ll tell yo,#

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*ary $ wo,l&n)t go to the partners +or so/ething li.e that' Aren)t they lawyers' An& isn)t the /erit or non:/erit o+ a legal correspon&ence a legal &eter/ination not to %e entr,ste& to a lay person s,ch as yo,rsel+' S,?ette ()auses. She likes *ary)s feisty personality.! Also, i+ yo, want to lay a person, all yo, nee& to &o is as.# *ary Ceally' S,?ette As a Title One attorney, yo, only ha e li/ite& powers# $ can &eter/ine i+ yo,r action is co ere& ,n&er the contract# *ary What contract' What)s Title One' S,?ette That)s what yo, &o# $t)s all in those papers# $+ yo, nee& a legal answer, here is yo,r %in&er# (She crosses to bookshelf, touching *ary)s shoulder, picks up a thin binder and shows it to him. *ary returns to his chair.! Most o+ the law, an& there+ore the 7,estions yo, will get, are co ere& in here# (She tosses it to him.! *ary So /,ch +or three years o+ law school 1 %,t wait, let)s get %ac. to this lay thing#

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($ y rises and surreptitiously moves closer to hear this. ! S,?ette *ary, &on)t get +ire& on yo,r +irst &ay# (S,?ette smiles. She e.its @ with as co(uettish a /bump1 out the door as she can manage. *ary watches her.! ($ y waits for her to leave, then enters *ary)s cube#! $ y $)& watch what yo, say to her# She)s a real %itch# *ary $ thin. she =,st propositione& /e# $ y $t)s possi%le# She ta.es it where she can get it these &ays# $+ $ weren)t /arrie&, $ wo,l& go a+ter yo, /ysel+# ( She is flirting shamelessly.! 3 en so, %e care+,l# My h,s%an&)s 5< an& $)/ D5 an& he &oesn)t always want to, i+ yo, .now what $ /ean# *ary $)/ li ing with /y girl+rien&# We /ight as well %e /arrie&# $ y That &oesn)t /atter to S,?ette# (@ynne and Melo&y enter from SC# @ynne is short and heavyset. Melo&y is taller and thinner, but is also beginning to thicken with age. !oth are in their late 63s. They bypass $ y to get into *ary)s office.! @ynne

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So, yo,)re the new Title One# Melo&y A %,nch o+ ,s are going o,t a+ter wor. on Ari&ay# (o yo, want to co/e' *ary O.ay, s,re# @ynne Where &o yo, co/e +ro/' *ary What' @ynne Where &i& yo, wor. %e+ore yo, ca/e here' We all ha& so/e e8perience in the law 1 $ y -eah, ,s,ally /isera%le 1 @ynne 1 %e+ore we ca/e to wor. here# (@ynne and Melo&y stare icily at $ y until she leaves the office.! Melo&y was with the (#A#)s o++ice# $ was with the P,%lic (e+en&er)s o++ice, the 2,/an Cights Co//ission, an& $ &o ol,nteer wor. +or the AC@9 on occasion# Melo&y

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(:o(uettish! She)s e.tremely conser ati e# (She laughs nervously.! *ary $ wor.e& in a Thir& Worl& sweatshop# $ han&le& ci il rights cases# So/eti/es they wo,l& sen& /e o,t to co,rt on cases $ was e en less 7,ali+ie& +or# (All three laugh nervously.! Melo&y A lot o+ ,s go o,t together a+ter wor.# -o, can co/e too i+ yo, want# @ynne We li.e new %loo&# Melo&y Title One wor. is pro%a%ly &i++erent than what yo,)re ,se& to# @ynne $t)s /ore ol,/e than yo,)re ,se& to# *ary $ &on)t .now# $ ha& a pretty %ig caseloa& at /y ol& +ir/# B,t what is it that we)re s,ppose& to &o, e8actly' $) e hear& a%o,t this Title One %,t $ ha e no i&ea what it is# @ynne $t)s in the contract#

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Melo&y 4,st answer their 7,estions# That)s all yo, can &o# $ wish we co,l& &o /ore +or these people, %,t we can)t# The contract &elineates what we can &o# @ynne $t)s not 7,ite that si/ple# (To *ary! (i&n)t yo, train with anyone' *ary $1

Melo&y They pro%a%ly =,st showe& hi/ how to t,rn on his co/p,ter an& +in& Title One# They &on)t .now what they)re &oing# @ynne They &on)t .now# Melo&y (Talking to @ynne now! $ went to S,?ette with a Title One call# The g,y ha& e8ha,ste& e ery possi%le Title One %ene+it an& he ha& his hearing in +ront o+ the =,&ge co/ing ,p# We trie& e erything to resol e it# B,t S,?ette wo,l&n)t let /e ta.e it as a Title Three case /ysel+# $ co,l& ha e got hi/ o++# So $ went to Mel an& he calls Su4ette in% So he =,st listene& to S,?ette tal. an& sai& she was right# She)s not e en a lawyer# She sho,l&n)t %e /a.ing legal &ecisions# $ co,l& ha e got hi/ o++#

25

*ary What)s 1' Melo&y What are these people paying ,s a +ee e ery /onth +or i+ we can)t go in an& represent the/ as their lawyers' @ynne What was the charge' Melo&y @ea ing the scene o+ an acci&ent# An& then it /orphe& into a ci il rights police %r,tality case# @ynne $t /orphe&' Melo&y The /e/%er clai/s the police hit hi/ with a Taser an& a cho.e hol&, an& threw hi/ thro,gh the win&ow o+ the cr,iser# @ynne (oes he ha e a &e+ense' Melo&y 2e ha& to pee# (All three laugh! *ary What)s Title Three'

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Melo&y $t)s in the contract# So, &o yo, want to go o,t with ,s a+ter wor. on Ari&ay or what' @ynne So/eone tol& /e yo, ,se& to wor. +or @eonar& O)Boyle# *ary -es, only it was ,n&er the g,ise o+ 5-o,r @aw Air/6# 2e &i&n)t want his na/e on the letterhea& %eca,se he +ig,re& the a,thorities wo,l& not %e a%le to +in& hi/ an& potential clients wo,l& not .now he ha& gone to =ail# @ynne (Looking at the portrait of ;arl <ar.. She is ,ust noticing it. ! Why &o yo, ha e a pict,re o+ Earl Mar8 on yo,r wall' *ary $t)s Moses Mor&ecai @e y# @ynne Earl Mar8)s real na/e# Are yo, a Co//,nist' *ary (Raises right hand! $ a/ not now, nor ha e $ e er %een a /e/%er o+ the 1 Melo&y Oh, lea e hi/ alone#

27

@ynne Co//,nis/ is still the ene/y# (She does not sound convincing.! What a%o,t China' C,%a' *ary $t)s =,st a cool pict,re, that)s all# $)/ still a capitalist pig lawyer &own in /y so,l, where it co,nts# ( &e thumps his chest.! Melo&y Well, yo, are now o++icially wor.ing +or the classic pyra/i& sche/e operation# The tho,san&s o+ /e/%ers spen& /oney hoping to get so/e help# The na/e o+ the co/pany e8plicitly pro/ises help# The /oney gets collecte& reg,larly in the +or/ o+ /onthly &,es con eniently charge& to their cre&it car&s# We get pai& li.e ser+s# $n the en&, Bill McMillion is the only one getting rich# (She constructs an air pyramid. ! The only one# @ynne $ li.e to thin. we +ight +or the little g,y# Melo&y (To *ary! Watch o,t +or S,?ette# Anything yo, say to her goes right to Mel $srael# @ynne $ &on)t ha e a pro%le/ with Mel# ( Starts to leave.! *ary, co/e &own to /y o++ice later an& $)ll train yo,# $+ it)s o.ay with S,?ette, that is# *ary

28

-eah, $ &on)t really li.e non:lawyers telling /e $ can or can)t &o so/ething# $ thin. $)ll =,st wait +or instr,ction +ro/ Mel or Oli er# Melo&y -o,)ll %e waiting a long ti/e# Anyway, it gets +iltere& thro,gh S,?ette# (She thinks#! What a %itch# Well, anyway, $ hope yo, go o,t with ,s a+ter wor. on Ari&ay# *ary $ will# That so,n&s goo&# (@ynne and Melo&y e.it#! ($ y enters.! $ y Melo&y has the hots +or yo,# *ary What' 2ow &o yo, .now' $ ha en)t e en %een here that long# $ thin. $ sho,l& get to wor.# $ y Mel is co/ing &own to see yo,# *ary 2ow &o yo, .now' $ y 2e %,??e& an& as.e& i+ yo, were in#

29

*ary There)s pro%a%ly not /,ch going on aro,n& here that yo, &on)t .now# $ y Oh yeah# Wor.ing +or +i+teen lawyers, yo, hear e erything# Belie e /e# *ary B,t we)re not real lawyers# Or so $)/ tol&# $ y -o, got the &egree# -o, passe& the %ar# -o, /a.e /ore than /e# -o,)re a lawyer# -o, also &on)t nee& to co/e in this early# *ary $ &on)t' $ y Nine:thirty)s +ine# *ary Oh# 1 $t so,n&s li.e we)re /ore psychiatrists than lawyers# $ y So/e o+ the /e/%ers do ha e so/e whac.e&:o,t iss,es# So/e o+ the/ .eep calling %ac.# -o,)ll get to .now the/ in ti/e# $ hear so/e o+ these people are calling +ro/ the pay phone at the n,t ho,se#

30

*ary $s that so' $ y $ &on)t .now# $ =,st type letters# (Mel enters, walks into *ary)s cube#! Mel $ see yo,)re getting settle& in# *ary -es# Mel $ y will %e yo,r typist# *i e her all o+ yo,r letters# *et %ac. to 1 (&e turns to where $ y was standing, but she is already seated at her desk. &er cell phone rings. She answers, whispers something into the mouthpiece and disconnects. She resumes typing.! (o yo, ha e a hea&set' *ary $ &on)t 1 Mel (Aware $ y is listening.!

31

$ y, get *ary a hea&set# ($ y e.its.! Welco/e to the +ir/# $+ yo, nee& anything, S,?ette will %e happy to help yo,# 4,st %,?? her# Also $ y# Now, $ .now, an& yo, ha e %een tol& that yo, are not strictly a Title One# O+ co,rse, yo, are +ree to &o the Title One wor. i+ yo, want#

*ary $ wo,l& get %ore& i+ $ &i&n)t &o so/ething, %,t what)s Title One' Mel *o onto yo,r co/p,ter an& start calling o,r /e/%ers %ac.# 2elp the/ with whate er legal pro%le/s they /ight ha e# $+ yo, call so/e%o&y with a pro%le/ o,tsi&e o+ yo,r area o+ e8pertise, we ha e three +loors o+ lawyers here yo, can as.# $+ none o+ that &iss,a&es yo,, yo, are welco/e to &o all the wor. yo, want an& +ran.ly, we nee& e ery war/ %o&y we can get# *ary So these members are o,r clients' Mel Not in a technical sense 1 they are o,r clients in e ery sense e8cept the ones that can get this +ir/ s,e& +or /alpractice# -o, will not %e hel& to any pro&,ction 7,otas or stan&ar&s here# There are D5,000 /e/%ers in this state alone# Any one o+ the/ can call with a legal 7,estion anyti/e they want# O,r attorneys ha e to close cases# *ary What &oes that /ean'

32

Mel Cesol e the /e/%er)s iss,e# *ary $n a phone call' Mel $t can %e &one# Sit an& listen to so/e o+ the pros hereF Aiona, who yo, ha e the goo& +ort,ne o+ %eing across the hall +ro/G (anny, people li.e that# $+ yo, want to, that is# B,t yo,)re /anage/ent# -o,)re one o+ ,s# @et the poor people &o the wor.# *ary $ always tho,ght that a legal iss,e was not s,scepti%le o+ %eing resol e& in a phone call# That litigation, %y its ery nat,re, was long an& co/ple8# ()ause, as Mel regards *ary! Mel -o,)re a special case, *ary# -o,r tas., really, is to i&enti+y ha%it,al ti/e wasters in the o++ice an& report it to ,s so that they can %e &ealt with accor&ingly# -o,)re not s,%=ect to the sa/e pro&,ction stan&ar&s an& 7,otas as the other attorneys# *ary 2ow &o yo, /eas,re pro&,ction' Mel At +irst we ,se& the honor syste/# @awyers sel+:reporte&# That &i&n)t wor., so we /onitore& closes an& telephone

33

,sage electronically# An attorney co,l& still cheat the syste/ as +ar as closes, %,t electronic /onitoring the telephone ens,res that calls are .ept to a reasona%le length, an& that there are eno,gh o+ the/# *ary So, why &o yo, nee& /e' Mel Many o+ o,r attorneys clai/ to %e &oing legiti/ate wor. on %ehal+ o+ a client, which sho,l& %e Title Three wor., instea& o+ trying to allay their +ears o er the telephone, which is the real p,rpose o+ 2elp $ncorporate&# *ary $ ha e no i&ea what yo, =,st sai&, %,t the gist o+ it is that $)/ a hall /onitor#

Mel -o, are i+ yo, want to contin,e wor.ing here# *ary $ can)t arg,e with the /oney yo,)re paying /e# $) e alrea&y accepte& the o++er# $)/ here# So, o.ay# $t)s =,st 1 Mel -es' *ary $)& li.e to 1 &o so/e o+ the telephone wor.# $ thin. it wo,l& .eep /y legal s.ills sharp#

34

Mel $ &on)t .now how sharp yo,)ll get, %,t we can always ,se help on the phones# *ary An& $ thin. it wo,l& help /e +it in a little %etter# Mel S,re# *ary $ wo,l& +eel li.e $ was earning /y salary# Mel -o,)ll earn it &oing yo,r =o%# $t)s o.ay, tho,gh# Ta.e it easy# -o,)re one o+ ,s# *ary $ a/' Mel -o,)re classi+ie& as /i&&le:/anage/ent *:thirteen +or p,rposes o+ o,r ,ni+ie& corporate salary scale# *ary $)/ honore&# Mel As %e+its so/eone who has Earl Mar8 hanging on his wall#

35

*ary 2ow &o yo, 1 ' Mel $t)s one o+ the things they teach yo, in school# ( )ause! -o,)re one o+ ,s now# Try not to screw it ,p# (Mel e.its.! !lackout Act One Scene Three (*ary is in the office @ with (anny, Ale8 and (arrell# (arrell is tall and handsome and moves easily despite his large frame. &e has wavy hair and is the very essence of insouciance. &e is a trust fund baby who always dresses well. &e is about 63. (anny and Ale8 are about ten years older, roughly *ary)s age. (anny is well0groomed and athletic. &e is the alpha male of this group by virtue of the fact that this is his office and because he appears to be the oldest. 7t is a corner office, slightly than *ary)s or Aiona)s, with enough room to seat four of them comfortably. They are drinking beer. Ale8 is tall and thin, with a nervous tic, a facial twitch.! (arrell (Addressing *ary! 2ow was yo,r +irst wee.' *ary Oh, pretty goo&, $ g,ess# (anny

36

-o, ha e /et (arrell' (Attempting a Scottish accent! (arrell Mc3lroy# Starting at le+t stri.er +or the Scottish national tea/, with right near +i+ty stone in his poc.ets as we spea.> (arrell (Laughs slightly! 2ow &o yo, li.e the wor.' *etting to wor. ne8t &oor to (anny wo,l& %e rewar& eno,gh +or /e# *ary $) e only %een here a wee.# $t)s har& to say, really# (arrell The =o% /ay s,c., %,t how a%o,t the %a%es' -o, can)t p,t that .in& o+ %ene+it in ter/s o+ &ollars an& cents# ( )auses to gauge *ary)s reaction, which is flat.! -o, get to wor. ne8t &oor to /y spicy *ree. /o,ssa.a# *ary Aiona' (+ants to ,oin in and be /one of the guys1 ! $)& &o her# (arrell $ wo,l& ha e li.e& to ha e seen her thirty years ago, %e+ore all that gray hair an& saggage# She still has a nice rac. +or a wo/an that ol&# $)& still li.e to %en& her o er /y &es. an& gi e her one o+ these# ( &e stands and does an ass0slapping pantomime, as if /taking1 her from behind. All four laugh. ! *ary She see/s li.e she has iss,es with so/e o+ the /e/%ers# An& she)s lo,&# (anny

37

She &oesn)t .now the law that well# She =,st tells these /e/%ers things to get the/ o++ the phone# That)s why she gets /ore closes than anyone# She)s also relentless# She)s on the phones all &ay, &oesn)t ta.e a %rea.# 3 ery%o&y &e elops their own style, *ary# (arrell Ale8, what &o yo, thin. o+ /y sweet little *ree. pastry' (Ale8 rises and does the ass0slapping pantomime, but looks painfully awkward in comparison to (arrell# (arrell and *ary ,oin in.! (anny See, *ary' -o,)re alrea&y getting the hang o+ this place# $)& gi e it si8 /onths# Then we)ll +in& o,t how yo, really han&le the relentless a alanche o+ petty little $ g,ess yo, can call the/ legal pro%le/s yo, enco,nter on a &aily %asis# *ary Si8 /onths, (anny' $)/ not s,re $ co,l& /a.e it that long# Ale8 (=rawing closer to *ary as he speaks.! The partners treat yo, li.e shit# Worse than receptionists# (arrell They nee& the receptionists# They)re the +irst line o+ &e+ense# (anny The 2elp $ncorporate& lawyer is the lowest +or/ o+ li+e# $t)s an eternal &e%ate# $) e %een here +or +i e years an& $ thin.

38

they)re %oth treate& li.e shit# ( )ause! We nee& to /o e this party into a %ar#

Ale8 (Sits! Any s,ggestions' (arrell PP( Ari&ay 2appy 2o,r %a%y> Ale8 2ow a%o,t Shenanigans' (anny $ &on)t .now# -o, ten& to get yo,r %ig eaters there# What &o yo, thin., *ary' *ary $ always tho,ght Shenanigans ha& a goo& happy ho,r# One o+ the %est in the city# (arrell Not eno,gh poontang action there# $ ote +or PP(# As always, (anny casts the &eci&ing ote# (anny PP( is a goo& call# Stic. with the ol& relia%le# Ale8

39

@et)s +inish these +irst# (arrell Ale8, yo, li e with yo,r parents# Who has the %est happy ho,r +or pic.ing ,p poon' (anny Wait, $ li e with /y parents, too# (oesn)t /y ote co,nt' Ale8 Shenanigans# (anny No /atter where yo, go in this town, yo,)re still going to get yo,r typical, ,ne&,cate&, ,n&er&resse&, o erweight, r,&e, g,/:snapping, /ean:spirite&, no c,lt,re pig# $ want a girl in her twenties who plays tennis, has so/e sophistication, rea&s a %oo. e ery once in a while, an& &oesn)t wear c,to++ an& e8pose a %are /i&ri++ at the /o ies so that yo, can see rolls o+ 1 (&e breaks off in disgust#! *ary Well, (anny, we)re a%o,t the sa/e age# -o,)re pro%a%ly a little ol&er than /e 1 (arrell (anny went to school in the si8ties# *ary Why can)t yo, +in& so/e%o&y yo,r own age' -o, too, Ale8# $ &i&#

40

Ale8, (anny They)re e en worse# *ary Oh no, $ %eg to &i++er# $ lo e wo/en in their +orties an& +i+ties# $ li.e the/ li.e o,r Aiona# When they)re that hot 1

(arrell She has a %oy+rien&# *,nther or Ela,s or (ir. or so/ething li.e that# 2e %,il&s ro%ots# 2e)s an engineer# 2e +ig,res i+ he stic.s aro,n& long eno,gh she will /a.e hi/ a citi?en# *ary A *er/an ro%otics engineer# $sn)t that a clichH' Ale8 *oo& loo.ing wo/en can get any =o% they want# Then yo, ha e yo,r 2ar ar& an& -ale gra&s# Where &oes that lea e the rest o+ ,s' St,c. in a &ea&:en& =o% li.e this, tal.ing to losers an& n,t%alls an& sc,/%ags all &ay long# -o, get pai& ne8t to nothing an& in the en& yo, can)t e en say yo, got e8perience going to co,rt %eca,se we)re not representing these losers# $)/ =,st p,tting this =o% on the ol& res,/e an& that)s it# *ary $t see/s li.e we wor. +or /ore o+ a s,ici&e hotline than a law +ir/# (arrell

41

What a%o,t o,r cre&o o+ helping the little g,y an& legal access +or all' Ale8 Whoe er sai& that ne er ha& to wor. calling these ,ne&,cate& losers all &ay long# ( &e is becoming clearly agitated.! (anny 2a e another %eer, Ale8# (arrell $ +ig,re $ can &o this easy shit +or awhile ,ntil $)/ rea&y to go to another +ir/# (anny An& this general ,n&erstan&ing thro,gho,t the co/pany that we &on)t represent these people# So/e%o&y sho,l& challenge that# *ary $t see/s to /e that we do represent the /e/%ers# They call ,s, we gi e the/ a& ice# $sn)t that a lawyer:client relationship' Ale8 (o yo, really want to represent these people' (anny

42

Well, it)s =,st a tho,ght# B,t $ was rea&ing the Wealthy Man)s *,i&e to $n esting# -o, ha e to ta.e ris.s# ( )ause#! So, i+ we were o+ a /in& to start o,r own practice, we wo,l& %rea. o++ an& we wo,l& ha e an instant client %ase# Ale8 O+ members' (anny Well, s,re# @isten 1 legally there is nothing stopping ,s +ro/ writing to the /e/%ers an& in+or/ing the/ we) e /o e& o,r practice# They wo,l& ha e the choice o+ co/ing o er to o,r +ir/ or staying here# Ale8 38cept that we ha en)t /o e&# We)re here# An& we)re st,c. here# (arrell $ &on)t want to &o this pai&:in:a& ance legal shit#

(anny We wo,l&n)t# We wo,l& all i&enti+y goo& cases that we want to .eep an& start o,t that way# Sa e the na/es an& a&&resses an& when it)s ti/e to /o e, sen& o,t a general correspon&ence# *ary -o, want to ris. yo,r =o% %eca,se yo, rea& a %oo.'

43

(anny $t)s =,st so/ething to thin. a%o,t +or the +,t,re# Ale8 is right# There is not +,t,re in this +ir/# Ale8 Mel)s &a,ghter is alrea&y in law school# (arrell Now she s pretty sweet# $)& li.e to party with her# An& she)s got the /oney to s,pport /e# Ale8 (o yo, thin. one o+ ,s is going to /a.e partner %e+ore she &oes' $ ote +or stealing 2elp $ncorporate&)s clients# (anny $ &on)t re/e/%er p,tting it ,p +or a +loor ote, %,t so &o $# (arrell $ g,ess $)ll go along with the her&# (anny -o, sho,l&# -o,r tr,st +,n& is going to pay +or all o+ this# (arrell 2ey> Bac. o++> No to,chy the piggy %an.y# Ale8 @et)s go o,t an& cele%rate this#

44

(anny *ary, what)s yo,r ote' *ary $ &on)t thin. $) e %een here long eno,gh to o++er an opinion# $ li.e it here so +ar# Co/pare& to where $ was, the /oney is goo& 1 Ale8 $t is' *ary 1 an& $ li.e the wor.# -o, &on)t ha e to go to co,rt an& get yo,r hair /,sse&# (anny -o, /,st ha e a thing +or wo/en in their +i+ties# -o, .now this +ir/ is where they go when they get p,t o,t to past,re# This is the past,re# *ary What a%o,t ,s' (anny We)re it# *ary Anyway, they)re not all o er +i+ty# Melo&y loo.s to %e a little ,n&er +orty# (arrell

45

-eah, she)s a%o,t as goo& as it gets as +ar as attorneys here go# An& that)s not goo&# Ale8 Let s go# $ nee& to +orget a%o,t these losers +or a while# (Rises! Co/e on, (anny# (=anny reaches up and switches off his computer#! (anny Co/ing, *ary' *ary No, $) e got to get ho/e# My signi+icant other wants to go o,t tonight an& $ ha e to get a little %it so%er %e+ore $ wal. in the &oor# Than.s anyway# (anny Si8 /onths# *ary What' (anny $ gi e it si8 /onths# 9s,ally a+ter si8 /onths on the phones, &ealing with the relentless pro%le/s o+ the /e/%ers &ay a+ter &ay, yo, see the Title $ attorneys) attit,&es start to change# -o, co/e to a great &i i&e aro,n& that ti/e# -o, either .eep gi ing legal a& ice, &eal with their pro%le/s, or yo, %eco/e one yo,rsel+# We)ll see in si8 /onths i+ yo,)re still as ena/ore& o+ this place as yo, are now# Ale8

46

@et)s go> ((anny rises and they all begin to file out. *ary returns to his office.! See yo, ne8t wee. 1 i+ yo,)re still here, that is# *ary A&ios# $ /ight stop %y 1 what 1 PP( later' Ale8 Pro%a%ly# $ plan on %eing passe& o,t %y then# *ary (Laughs slightly! *oo& night, all# ((anny, Ale8 and (arrell e.it C# *ary turns on his computer5 with some momentary difficulty, he begins typing. Along with *ary)s monologue, the following should appear on a viewing screen above the stage.! Me/o 1 to Mel $srael +ro/ *ary We%% 1 $ ha e 1 correlate& (&e is pleased with himself! the &ata +ro/ o,r proprietary syste/ 1 i#e#, n,/%er o+ closes 1 an& ha e /a&e so/e preli/inary +in&ings# Clearly, Aiona is a s,perior pro&,cer 1 twenty:se en closes to&ay alone 1 She wo,l& %e here now i+ she were sche&,le& on Ari&ays# 2er +o,r:&ay wee.ly totals e8cee& those o+ any other Title $ attorney who wor.s all +i e &ays o+ the wee.# One won&ers a%o,t the 7,ality o+ her legal a& ice# She see/s to spen& /ost o+ her ti/e %erating people 1 howe er, /e/%er co/plaints against her are in line with sta++ a erages 1 $t /ay %e ,nreasona%le to e8pect a sta++ +,ll o+ Aionas as she appears 1 tireless 1 relentless in her &esire to %ring &own the n,/%er o+ calls 1 ()auses. Looks over his work.! New paragraph 1 there is a /o e a+oot to steal Title $ clients 1 those with goo&, ia%le cases 1 $ wo,l& &ecline to na/e those in ol e& 1 ,ntil s,ch ti/e as $ ha e &eter/ine& that it is not =,st 1 an i&le threat 1 %,t rather a %ona +i&e 1

47

conspiracy 1 By +ar the %iggest ti/e wasters a/ong the Title $ attorneys 1 are 1 (Melo&y enters from C# *ary abruptly hits buttons on his machine and shuts it down. The above0stage screen goes blank.! Melo&y 2ey#

*ary 2i Melo&y# Melo&y $ can)t %elie e yo,)re still here# Trying to /a.e a goo& i/pression in yo,r +irst wee.' *ary Well 1 Melo&y Mel is the one yo, ha e to i/press# 2e r,ns 2#$# $t)s his %a%y# An& he gets his reports +ro/ S,?ette# Oli er is the hatchet /an# (She advances. Sees beer bottle on *ary)s desk and takes a long swig from it.! An& con+i&entially, it &oesn)t /atter what yo, &o as long as yo, get yo,r ten closes a &ay# 9nless yo, totally s,c., yo, won)t get +ire&# The nee& people on the phones# (She leans over front of desk seductively. ! *ary $ &on)t s,c.#

48

Melo&y $ tho,ght yo, were going o,t a+ter wor.# *ary $ was, %,t $ got hel& ,p# $ owe Mel so/ething 1 a report# Melo&y So &e&icate&# Can)t it wait' The partners aren)t going to rea& it tonight, or /ay%e e er# They weren)t e en here to&ay# Or /ay%e Norwin was, $ thin. 1 B,t he has nothing to &o with Title $ 1 oh, co/e on an& loosen ,p a little# We)re all in this together# (She comes around to behind desk. ! What are yo, wor.ing on' That)s a %lan. screen# *ary $ .now 1 $ 1 (*ary is clearly becoming uncomfortable.! Melo&y (Sits on *ary)s lap, facing him, arms around his neck. ! Can)t 1 resist 1 *ary -o,)re pretty +rien&ly +or a (#A# Melo&y $)/ not a (#A# any/ore# $t)s a &ea& en& =o%, an& /y heart was always with the acc,se&, anyway# *ary $ ha e a girl+rien&#

49

Melo&y That)s ina&/issi%le, co,nsel# (She kisses him. *ary (uickly weakens and they embrace and kiss.! (!lackout! Act Two Scene One (Mel, Norwin and Oli er stand in *ary)s office. Norwin and Oli er wear suits. Mel wears upscale business casual. All hold drinks. 7n the office, disorderly stacks of papers have sprouted up everywhere. The bookcase is overflowing with loose, stacked papers threatening to bulge out and cascade onto the floor. The ;arl <ar. picture is gone. The office now looks dirty and lived0in#! Mel O,r stoc. is ,p o er +orty# A new high# We ha e hire& ten new Title One associates in the past si8 /onths# That is a net a/o,nt, with se eral ha ing %een +ire& along the way# We ha e ta.en o er three +loors in this %,il&ing# $t is still not eno,gh# Oli er, yo,r na/e is +irst on o,r letterhea&# What &o yo, /a.e o+ all this recent s,ccess' Oli er $ say there is still roo/ +or growth# Statewi&e, we ha e al/ost +i+ty tho,san& /e/%ers# B,t o,r sales associates .eep signing ,p /ore# Norwin What a%o,t retention rates' Mel

50

My +rien&, accor&ing to hea&7,arters, we ha e a twenty percent retention rate on new /e/%ers# That is a+ter one year, relati ely ,nchange& +ro/ the three:/onth +ig,re# Norwin So in otherwor&s, so/eti/e within the +irst three /onths, we lose +o,r o,t o+ e ery +i e new /e/%ers, on a erage# Oli er O,r role is to a&/inister the contract, not to worry a%o,t n,/%ers# We get pai& the sa/e regar&less# Besi&es, twenty percent retention is pretty goo& consi&ering the worthlessness o+ the ser ice# Mel @i+e is goo&# Norwin What a%o,t the ho/eless chap who)s %een para&ing aro,n& town with the 2elp $ncorporate& $s A Ara,& sign'

Mel $ spo.e with hi/, listene& to his story# 2e /a&e a co/pelling case +or .eeping the /entally ill instit,tionali?e&# (i& yo, .now he was sol& 2#$# in an instit,tion' Oli er Oh' Mel

51

2e was in Wellha en +or &r,g reha%, hear& o,r sales pitch +ro/ another short:ti/er an& &eci&e& to sign on# This sales associate /a&e a tape insi&e the =oint with a ca/cor&er an& a script enco/passing all the %ene+its o+ the ser ice, as per the sales %i%le, cra//e& a %,nch o+ people into the T" roo/ an& poppe& the tape in# Norwin (i& it wor.' Mel Close& ninety percent# (Laughs.! Oli er So/e o+ these sales associates get the people wor.e& ,p into a +ren?y# $t)s li.e a re i al /eeting# Once yo, get so/e o+ these yo/s whooping an& hollering 5,n+air6 an& 5stic. it to the /an6, yo, can sell the/ a shoe%o8 +,ll o+ shit# Norwin So, this chap was sol& a %ill o+ goo&s %y o,r sales associate 1 Mel Not o,rs# Ce/e/%er they are in&epen&ent an& there+ore the co/pany, an& /ore i/portantly, we are i//,ne +ro/ any laws,its# Norwin 2e was sol& a %ill o+ goo&s %y a sales associate# 2e %eca/e &issatis+ie& with the ser ice, an& now he is co/plaining to ,pper /anage/ent# ()ause! Who han&le& the inta.e'

52

Mel *ary We%%# Norwin O,r spy' Mel, Oli er Shhh> Mel Be 7,iet# Aiona is co//itte&# (All three laugh.! Norwin $ &on)t nee& this# $ ha e /y own practice# $ only signe& on with 2#$# %eca,se o+ the potential +or enor/o,s pro+it at low ris.# Now we ha e a spy into his si8th /onth o+ e/ploy/ent, an& he is getting co/plaints' Mel Nothing we can)t han&le# Oli er They all get co/plaints#

Norwin

53

$ &i& not s,pport *ary We%% han&ling /e/%ers# The ris. was too great +or +raterni?ation# -o, see hi/ now, he)s alrea&y %e&&e& Melo&y, he)s /ates with so/e o+ his colleag,es# (o yo, thin. these people will e er show ,p in his wee.ly reports' Mel $ +in& his reports inco/prehensi%le lately (Looks at Oli er! in any e ent# Oli er Are yo, two saying the (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer is a +aile& e8peri/ent' Mel What &o yo, thin.' Oli er $ &on)t .now# $)/ %,sy with /y apart/ents# 2e see/s to %e so/ewhat ,nsta%le to /e# An ,nsta%le in&i i&,al who +,c.s wo/en we co,l& %e +,c.ing has no place in an o++ice setting# $t)s 1 $ &on)t .now 1 &isr,pti e or so/ething# Mel We can)t ha e that# Norwin We can)t e en ha e the 5or so/ething#6 Oli er *ary We%% has no place in a position o+ responsi%ility with this co/pany#

54

Mel B,t yo, wo,l& let hi/ tal. to /e/%ers on the phone' Oli er Oh, a%sol,tely# Norwin S,re# Mel 2is si8 /onth e al,ation is co/ing ,p# Oli er, why &on)t yo, a&/inister that' Tell hi/ the reports are now nee&e& only once a /onth, an& in s.eleton +or/ at that# We)ll phase hi/ o,t# Norwin, yo, &ictate a /e/o to McMillion an& let hi/ .now the e8peri/ent has +aile&# 2a e S,?ette type it ,p +or con+i&entiality p,rposes# Norwin She &oesn)t type# Mel She)ll type this i+ $ tell her to# We will initiate i&eo s,r eillance o+ his o++ice# $ ha& hi/ ta.e &own the o++ensi e wall art shortly a+ter he got here# Oli er Earl Mar8# $ ne er hear& o+ s,ch a thing# Norwin

55

(To Mel! 2e 1 .nows so/ething# Mel No, he &oesn)t# An& e en i+ he &oes, so what' Oli er What)s there to .now' That he)s a Co//,nist' Mel, Norwin (9uickly! Ne er/in&# Norwin This o++ice is a sty# $t re+lects %a&ly on corporate 1 an& on the +ir/# Oli er B,t instea& o+ telling McMillion that the e8peri/ent has +aile&, tell hi/ the +ail,re was in personnel# That way, the chie+ e8ec,ti e o+ a Aort,ne +i e h,n&re& co/pany &oesn)t ha e to %e re/in&e& that his pet pro=ect +aile&# Mel 2e will want to hire so/eone else# Oli er So, we hire so/eone else# My /other can han&le these calls# There)s no shortage o+ lawyers willing to wor. +or ne8t to nothing# Mel

56

Payroll is o,r %iggest e8pense# $+ there was a way to c,t it, we wo,l&# Oli er We grow, we .eep hiring new people to wor. the phones# Norwin Par&on /e, %,t &on)t all o,r new Title One attorneys start o,t 7,ic.ly an& then gra itate towar& the /i&&le' (on)t they all see/ to le el o++ to a point o+ &oing =,st eno,gh to get %y' Mel N,/%ers &on)t lie# We alrea&y pay the/ at or near the %otto/ o+ the salary scale# $+ we pay /ore an& &raw %etter people to this +ir/, they will still gra itate to the /ean# An& they)ll %eco/e &isco,rage& with the wor. /ore 7,ic.ly# $ &o not thin. hiring %etter lawyers is the answer# We nee& a &i++erent spy# Norwin What a%o,t his salary' Oli er B,st hi/ &own to Title One# Thirty:two tho,san& a year# 2e)s still /a.ing /ore than the +e/ale Title One attorneys# O+ co,rse, an o++ice +,ll o+ Aionas wo,l& en& this &isc,ssion# Wor.s +or nothing, .eeps her /o,th sh,t, %,sts ass an& goes ho/e# Mel Why can)t they all pro&,ce li.e her'

57

Norwin Nice +ig,re, too, +or a wo/an 1 yo, .now what $ /ean# Mel O,r age' Norwin -es# Mel P,t that tho,ght o,t o+ yo,r /in&# Oli er That)s what o,r inta.e receptionists are here +or# Mel -es, o,r inta.e receptionists# Norwin 2a e either o+ yo, e er &one an intake on one o+ o,r girls' Mel No# Oli er That wo,l& %e se8,al harass/ent# (All three laugh.! To se8,al harass/ent (Raises a toast. All three finish off their drinks.! Mel

58

To /oney# Norwin To the Ban. o+ Cothschil&> (!lackout! Act Two Scene Two ((anny, *ary and Aiona are seated at their desks talking on their phones. $ y sits at her desk, talking on the phone. =uring the scene, (arrell, Ale8 and @ynne walk back and forth about the stage, talking on cell phones. ! *ary Sir, are yo, telling /e that yo, ha e insi&e in+or/ation 1

Aiona -o, can wal. o er to the /agistrate)s o++ice an& +ile it yo,rsel+ 1 *ary 1 that co,l& %ring &own the stoc. price o+ yo,r e/ployer' Aiona 1 e en i+ yo, can)t rea& or write 3nglish# (anny

59

$+ yo,r neigh%or co/es into yo,r ho,se at night an& enters yo,r %e&roo/ an& =,st watches yo, sleep, that)s still %rea.ing an& entering# What $ s,ggest yo, &o is go +ile a cri/inal co/plaint with the police# Ale8 -o, were &oing ninety in a thirty:+i e ?one' Aiona We can)t get yo, a lawyer# We are lawyers# We are here to gi e yo, legal a& ice# Ale8 -o,r license was ,n&er s,spension +or (9$' Aiona The lawyer we wo,l& get +or yo, wo,l& charge yo, /ore in +ees than yo, wo,l& reco er +ro/ the &e+en&ant# Ale8 -o,r car hit a par.e& car'

(arrell $ tol& her the law is =,st a way to /a.e a li ing# Aiona -o, /ay not e en win# (arrell

60

$ &on)t nee& to wor.# Ale8 An& yo, +le& the scene# Aiona Sir, $ &on)t .now why yo,)re paying ,s a +ee e ery /onth# Perhaps yo, sho,l& as. the sales associate who sol& yo, the /e/%ership# *ary -o, can &isclose this in+or/ation to the S3C# There)s a whistle%lower law that protects yo,# Ale8 $ &on)t see yo, &ri ing again legally +or a while# *ary Sec,rities an& 38change Co//ission# (anny $ .now yo, &on)t +eel sa+e# $t)s the age we)re li ing in, /a)a/#

$ y -o, were s,ppose& to pic. ,p (aniel a+ter school to&ay# 2e sat there waiting an& waiting an& waiting# -o, .now he r,ns o++ with his +rien&s *o& .nows where when yo, &on)t show ,p on ti/e to pic. hi/ ,p#

61

(arrell $ can &o this easy shit +or awhile# What &o yo, say, PP( tonight' (anny $ .now yo,r pro%le/s see/ +ar re/o e& +ro/ the worl& at large, /a)a/, %,t i+ yo, =,st loo. at the %ig pict,re 1 right 1 yo, =,st want this person not to co/e into yo,r ho,se at night 1 What' 1 She sen&s yo, o%scene +a8es at wor.' *ary $+ the a,&itors ha en)t &isclose& it 1 $ y -o, iolate& o,r c,sto&y arrange/ent# ( To group.! 2ey g,ys, &i&n)t he iolate the c,sto&y arrange/ent' What can $ &o to en+orce it' (No one responds.! -o,)re the one who wante& this> ()ause! $)/ going to the 4,&ge> (She disconnects and dials again.! *ary (<utes phone.! (Loudly! $)/ going to %e rich> (All pause for a moment and regard *ary, then resume their conversations.! Ale8 $ .now yo, ha e to &ri e to get to wor.# To get yo,r license restore&, +irst contact the (OT an& re7,est a restoration re7,ire/ents letter 1

62

(anny $t)s ne er easy to a&/it these things# -o, &on)t +eel sa+e# None o+ ,s +eels one h,n&re& percent sa+e# Aiona My na/e is Aiona# $ y &e s in a /oo& to&ay# Aiona $t)s certainly yo,r right to +ile a co/plaint against /e with 2#$# $)ll e en gi e yo, the n,/%er# Well, sir, it)s the reality o+ the legal syste/ that ictory is not g,arantee&# @ynne Be 7,iet> @isten> Aiona 3specially when the res 1 @ynne $) e %een listening to yo,r story +or +orty:+i e /in,tes an& yo, =,st won)t stop an& listen to /e> Aiona 1 the thing at iss,e in yo,r case 1 $t)s @atin 1 Well, sir, so/eti/es we ha e to ,se these @atin wor&s to pro e we went to law school# @ynne

63

Stop> Sh,t ,p> Aiona -o, can)t pro e yo, own the ("( player# -o, can)t pro e the other +ellow too. it# ()ause! No, $ will not write a letter# Ale8 Write the letter# $ y $)/ typing letters# (arrell Sen& /e an e:/ail# *ary Call the S3C 1 $t &epen&s on who is in the White 2o,se# Cight now the cli/ate is s,ch that yo,r co/plaint will get tosse&# @ynne (*.asperated! Are yo, going to %e 7,iet an& listen' ( :overs mouthpiece! Why won)t he listen to /e' *ary -es, yo, are a whistle%lower# B,t yo, &on)t ha e whistle%lower protection# Only go ern/ent e/ployees get whistle%lower protection ,n&er the law# *o p,%lic with it# (anny

64

No one +eels sa+e# (arrell $ wore a con&o/# *ary $+ yo, were a wo/an an& yo, calle& Ti/e Maga?ine, $ %et they wo,l& protect yo,# (Aiona stops talking and looks over at *ary)s office, offended at what he said. &er antennae stay up as she returns to her call. @ynne puts her cell phone down at her side and looks at *ary)s office too. She returns to her call.! @ynne Aorget a%o,t what)s &e&,cti%le# -o, owe ten tho,san& &ollars in %ac. ta8es# Ale8 -es, $ can write the letter +or yo,# -o, get a +ree letter with e ery legal iss,e# *ary 2ello' (=isconnects! Ale8 -es, it is a great &eal# $ y $ thin. Al:Iae&a is going to stri.e# Ale8

65

We)ll e en go to co,rt with yo, on the spee&ing charge# No e8tra +ee# All part o+ yo,r /onthly /e/%ership# (arrell So the ne8t &ay, $ get +lowers with an anony/o,s car&# The car& rea&s, 5Than. yo, +or a won&er+,l e ening# @et)s &o it again real soon#6

*ary 2ello, 2elp $ncorporate&# Cet,rning yo,r call# (arrell $ &on)t .now which one o+ the/ sent the +lowers# There is one that $ wo,l& really li.e to see again# She)s really hot# The other one, not so /,ch# So, $ calle& the/ %oth# $ calle& the hot one +irst# O+ co,rse, yo, .now i+ $ than. her +or sen&ing /e +lowers an& she &i&n)t sen& the/, $)/ hose&# She)ll .now $ went o,t with another girl who sent /e +lowers# So $ sai&, $ want to than. yo, +or the other night an& $ want yo, to .now $ really appreciate what yo, &i&# An& she &i&n)t .now what the hell $ was tal.ing a%o,t# $ tho,ght, +,c., it wasn)t her# Then $ calle& the other one an&, s,re eno,gh, she sent the/# ()ause! No, she was =,st a =oyri&e# *ary Oh, $)/ sorry to hear that, sir# Aiona What $ s,ggest yo, &o is +in& the receipt# That)s right, sir# *oo&%ye# -o, &on)t nee& to .now /y na/e# 4,st call %ac. an& as. +or 2elp $ncorporate&# (=isconnects!

66

@ynne Call the $CS# They)ll help yo,# ()ause! -es, sir# (=isconnects! *ary Cacial pro+iling' (@ynne enters Aiona)s office! @ynne Aiona, are yo, %,sy' Aiona (Shakes her head in e.asperation! $t)s =,st one right a+ter another with these people# No, @ynne, co/e in# (@ynne shuts door#! $ y $ can)t %elie e /y e8# 2e +orgot to pic. ,p Tyler a+ter school again# (Loudly! $t)s a iolation o+ o,r share& c,sto&y arrange/ent# (She waits for an answer from one of the lawyers. None is forthcoming#! Not to /ention the +act that he ne er has pai& /e a &i/e o+ s,pport# *ary -o,)re ass,/ing, sir, that Ara%s attac.e& ,s on JB<<# $ .now yo, are $n&ian an& 2in&,# -o, tol& /e that# The airlines can &etain whoe er they want, an& they search e ery%o&y# ()ause! $t wasn)t Al:Iae&a# $t was the $sraeli Mossa&> ( )ause! That)s =,st what the go ern/ent tells yo,# Those nineteen g,ys were $sraeli Mossa& &own to the last /an#

67

Ale8 (&e has wandered into (anny)s office#! $ =,st want to .ill so/e o+ these losers# (anny (&angs up.! Ale8, how are yo,, ol& sport' *ary Sir, $ra7 has ne er attac.e& ,s# ( )ause! Can yo, thin. o+ a %etter way to stir ,p the Mi&&le 3ast' ((arrell disconnects from a call and walks into >ary s office, plops down in the comfy chair and shuts his eyes #! No, sir# +e re the attac.ers> (=isconnects! (Ale8 enters *ary)s office, pokes his head in to see what the noise was, walks in.! Ale8 Another roc.et scientist' *ary This g,y thin.s that %eca,se they loo.e& thro,gh his %ags at the airport that he has a +e&eral ci il rights case# What a%o,t yo,' Ale8 My last caller has %een &ri ing on a s,spen&e& license +or so long now that the police &on)t e en %other to p,ll hi/ o er any/ore# They =,st sen& hi/ a tic.et# So he &eci&e& he wants to go o,t on Ari&ay night a+ter wor.#

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*ary (on)t we all# Ale8 So, he says he has a%o,t one or two &rin.s# $n the real worl& o+ non:2elp $ncorporate& /e/%ers that /eans at least +i+teen %eers# 2e &ri es ho/e an& they cloc. hi/ &oing J0 in a D5 resi&ential ?one# They chase hi/ an& he hits a par.e& car an& he)s se erely (9$# This is on top o+ the s,spension they sent in earlier that night# (Ale8 has a good laugh at this. &e looks at =arrell, who is asleep. ! (arrell)s wor.ing har&, $ see# *ary 2e =,st ca/e in an& ploppe& &own# That /an can sleep thro,gh anything# (Aiona walks past $ y)s desk and directly into *ary)s office.! Aiona (o yo, ha e a secon&' (She does not wait for a response. ! $ hear& what yo, were saying earlier a%o,t wo/en on the co er o+ Ti/e Maga?ine# (on)t 1 tal. a%o,t things yo, .now nothing a%o,t#

*ary *et o,t o+ /y o++ice# Aiona $ &on)t want to hear it# 4,st &on)t say anything anti:wo/en, an& &on)t tal. a%o,t things yo, .now nothing a%o,t#

69

*ary (Rising! @et /e e8plain so/ething to yo,# $ &o what $ want an& 7 say what 7 want% Aiona No, yo, &on)t# *ary A,c. yo,# *o get yo,r Na?i %oy+rien& a green car&, yo, st,pi& %itch# Aiona (-elling! -o, ha e no i&ea what yo,)re tal.ing a%o,t> -o,)re =,st so st,pi& an& pre=,&ice& that $ &on)t .now where to start# *ary -eah, an& yo,)re so s/art yo,)re &oing 2elp $ncorporate& at age +i+ty instea& o+ %eing partner at a %ig &i orce +ir/# $)ll tell yo, where to start# 2ow)s this' 2ow a%o,t get the +,c. o,t> ()oints to the e.it! Aiona Oh, that)s really cle er# At least that)s %etter than what yo, tell the /e/%ers# (She storms out and off C#! *ary A,c. yo,, yo, pse,&o:intellect,al sea hag> ((anny enters *ary)s office#!

70

(anny $ can co/e %ac. later 1 *ary (on)t worry a%o,t her# Ale8 an& $ were =,st tal.ing when she %arge& in# Ale8 (=oesn t know what to make of all this. ! Well, $ &on)t .now a%o,t any o+ that, %,t we ha e se eral /ore goo& lea&s on cases +or when we &eci&e to lea e an& start o,r own +ir/# *ary (i& yo, write the/ on yo,r list' Ale8 $ &i&, along with their na/es an& S@s# *ary S@s' Ale8 Stat,tes o+ li/itations# *ary (on)t start ,sing legalese with /e# $) e got eno,gh tro,%le# Ale8 That will hit these %astar&s where they li e 1 steal all their clients#

71

(anny They are the li+e %loo& o+ a law +ir/# *ary -et, Mel an& Oli er an& Norwin re=ecte& the/ as Title $$$ clients, while contin,ing to &raw a /onthly +ee +ro/ the/# (&e raises a finger as if making a point. ! (anny Title $$$ ta.es /oney# $t ta.es /oney to +ile a case in co,rt, =,st li.e it &oes +or any lawyer# We ha e the right to re7,ire the client to pay those costs# *ary (anny, these people can)t e en a++or& the /onthly +ee, let alone tho,san&s in attorney)s +ees# (anny The na/e isn)t Aree @egal, it)s 2elp $ncorporate&# Ale8 -o,r pre:pai& lawyers> (anny Well, that)s =,st a selling tool# @oo., $ &on)t care a%o,t any o+ that# $ =,st want to %,il& ,p /y %ase o+ three h,n&re& clients so $ can get o,t o+ this place an& start /y own practice# $ =,st rea& another %oo.# Ale8

72

$s that the n,/%er now, three h,n&re&'

(anny Well, it)s %een sai& %y /e/%ers, not our /e/%ers, %,t /e/%ers o+ o,r pro+ession, that in or&er to r,n a ia%le practice an& ha e stea&y inco/e an& pay yo,r sta++ an& not star e, that yo, nee& three h,n&re& clients# Ale8 Per +ir/' (anny Per lawyer# *ary That)s an i/possi%le wor.loa&# Ale8 We &on)t e en ha e an o++ice# *ary Or &es.s, copiers, st,++ li.e that# (anny We are %,il&ing a %oo. o+ porta%le %,siness# Ale8

73

So that when we get o,t o+ this &ea&:en& =o%, we ha e a rea&y:/a&e client %ase# *ary $)/ still pisse& at Mel +or or&ering /e ta.e &own /y pict,re o+ Earl Mar8#

Ale8 Well, that was a little e8tre/e# *ary $t was a state/ent# Ale8 A state/ent that yo,)re a Co//,nist' *ary $t)s a ery profound state/ent that this co,ntry is %eing t,rne& into a Co//,nist state# The ele ation o+ the proletariat, the ca%al:centric go ern/ental state ,nit, it)s all there# Oh, the steps are slow an& gra&,al as ,s,al, %,t they are there nonetheless# -o, ha e a &,/%e& &own /i&&le class that thin.s 5Oh, it can)t happen here#6 B,llshit it can)t happen here# Ale8 Well, let)s get o,r piece o+ hypothetical scenario happens# *ary the action %e+ore that

74

Not hypothetical# Ceal# When the state is loo.e& to as +ather protector, yo, ha e the %eginnings o+ a ery real Co//ie scenario, an& it is ,n+ol&ing right now# Ale8 The go ern/ent wo,l& ne er let that happen# *ary The go ern/ent is in on it% (on)t yo, see' An inept Co//an&er in Chie+ %eing /anip,late& %y others, a willing Congress an& a p,%lic that is eager to go along +or the ri&e, whate er that /ay %e at the ti/e# A &esperate ,n&erclass 1 (&e holds up the receiver#! (anny Controlle& %y &r,gs# *ary A&& it ,p# Ale8 The p,%lic is t,rning against the presi&ent on the war# *ary That)s the pre ailing le+tist senti/ent# $+ yo, thin. that will a++ect what the presi&ent &oes, yo,)re s/o.ing crac.# Ale8 B,t we control all the /a=or cities, an& we ha e installe& o,r o%ligatory p,ppet &ictator# *ary

75

That)s what yo, hear on the news# Ale8 (on)t yo, %elie e the news' *ary Not a wor&# $ &on)t watch or rea& /ainstrea/ /e&ia# $+ so/ething i/portant happens, so/e%o&y will tell /e a%o,t it# (anny -o,)re 7,oting Oli er Wen&ell 2ol/es#

Ale8 -o, +orget a%o,t JB<<# *ary (o $' $ &on)t thin. so# Ale8 The passengers on those planes, hea&ing to their &eaths# *ary The Pentagon &i&n)t get hit %y a plane# That was a /issile attac.# Ale8, (anny +hat?

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(anny Where &o yo, get this st,++' *ary $sn)t it o&& that there)s all those ca/cor&ers, an& all those people snapping pict,res 1 hell, the ca/eras all aro,n& the Pentagon, the /ost protecte& an& watche& place on earth, an& no one ca,ght it on +il/' They got the +irst Tra&e Center attac. on i&eo in New -or.# The one they &i&n)t e en .now was co/ing# An& no one sees a plane +ly into the Pentagon' Ale8 $)/ s,re there are passenger lists, +light &ata an& s,ch +ro/ the Pentagon plane# *ary 2a e yo, seen it' Ale8 No 1 *ary (i&n)t thin. so# $t &oesn)t e8ist# The whole thing was /a&e ,p# Where)s the &e%ris' Ale8 Only %eca,se $ ha en)t so,ght it o,t# @oo., it was a plane, all right# $)/ tire& o+ these conspiracy theories o+ yo,rs# ( )ause! $ re/e/%er when yo, ca/e to wor. here# -o, were a goo&

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A/erican, Cep,%lican, %elie e& all the right things# What happene&' *ary This place happene&# $) e tal.e& to all .in&s o+ goo& A/ericans# $ +o,n& o,t that the a erage A/erican)s li.e the +a/ily &og# 2e .nows where the %owl is, %,t he has no i&ea how the +oo& got there# All the people ; especially o,r /e/%ers, care a%o,t is, how is the 7,arter%ac.)s .nee this year, an& &o $ ha e eno,gh %eer# ((arrell wakes up#! (arrell $s it +i e o)cloc.' (anny As soon as yo, /ention %eer, he awa.ens# Ale8 *ary thin.s we)re t,rning Co//,nist in this co,ntry# *ary Not %y choice# (arrell $)/ not# *ary What &o yo, .now' All yo, care a%o,t is where yo,r ne8t piece o+ ass is co/ing +ro/#

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(arrell $ alrea&y .now that# $ y (*nters! S,?ette alert# *ary O.ay, than.s# S,?ette alert, g,ys# O,t, o,t# (*ary tries to straighten up his desk a little. 7t is fruitless. ! ((anny returns to his office and checks his computer, starts dialing. Ale8, (arrell and @ynne emerge from the offices they were in, dial their cell phones. Aiona dials another number. $ y remains on the phone. All mime talking.! Aiona 2ello, 2elp $ncorporate&# (anny 2ello, 2elp $ncorporate& ret,rning yo,r call# @ynne ()eeks in to see if *ary is there, waves! 2ello, this is 2elp $ncorporate&#

*ary 2ello# Options &epart/ent, please# My na/e is *ary We%%, acco,nt n,/%er one nine eight +o,r# $ want to or&er one tho,san& Septe/%er p,ts on PP(# (S,?ette has entered from @ and is standing outside *ary)s office. Ale8, (arrell and

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@ynne scatter and e.it C when she arrives. $ y hangs up and begins typing#! -es, $ .now it)s ris.y# What are they tra&ing at' ()ause! *oo&# P,t /e &own +or one tho,san& Septe/%er p,ts, goo& ,ntil +ille&# Charge /y acco,nt# Than.s# ( &e disconnects. S,?ette pokes her head in the door, enters, shuts door and sits in the comfy chair. Throughout the ensuing conversation, $ y listens at the door.! *ary What can $ &o +or yo,, Miss S,?ette' S,?ette What was that all a%o,t' *ary $ =,st %o,ght p,t options in the stoc. o+ a co/pany that one o+ the /e/%ers wor.s +or# 2e ga e /e in+or/ation that /ay /ean the stoc. price is going &own# S,?ette 2ow &o yo, /a.e /oney i+ the price goes &own' *ary (Rises! Sweetie, a p,t option 1 put option# $t /eans yo, can sell at a certain price# ( &e grabs S,?ette in a dancing embrace.! $t)s calle& the stri.e price# ( &e begins walt4ing around the office with her. 7t is co4y business. ! $+ the stoc. price +alls %elow the 1 (&e dips her, then resumes the walt4! stri.e price, yo, ha e the option o+ selling at the 1 ( &e dips her again, and resumes the walt4, much closer now. ! stri.e price# So yo, %,y at the lower price an& sell at the higher price# *et it' S,?ette

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(Trying not to en,oy herself too much ! What i+ the price goes ,p' *ary $+ the price goes ,p, the options e8pire worthless# S,?ette (She spins *ary around and pins him against his desk, putting her right foot up on the desk. ! $t so,n&s too ris.y# *ary (*n,oying S,?ette)s in+or/ation# sudden S,?ette -o,)re ta.ing stoc. a& ice +ro/ o,r /e/%ers' *ary No, no 1 he &i&n)t .now he was gi ing /e a stoc. tip# 2e calle& with a legal iss,e# S,?ette (She kisses *ary full on the lips. A long, passionate kiss. ! That)s insi&e in+or/ation# *ary Not accor&ing to the S3C# (@inally, S,?ette releases *ary from the embrace. $ y drifts over to Aiona)s office, then to (anny)s, after hearing all of this. She shuts the doors and whispers something to each of them in turn. Then she returns to listening at the door. ! dominance#! $t)s goo&

81

S,?ette @oo. 1 $ type& so/ething +or Mel to&ay 1 *ary Oh really, $ wasn)t aware that yo, type# S,?ette 1 a con+i&ential /e/o# *ary Not any/ore# S,?ette Be 7,iet +or a /in,te# (*ary straightens up like a child and gives the 4ipped lip signal#! They)re loo.ing to en& the e8peri/ent# (*ary throws up his hands and shakes his head. &e doesn t understand.! The &esignate& interr,ption entertainer e8peri/ent# (*ary repeats the gesture#! They)re loo.ing to %,st yo, &own to Title One attorney# *ary What' S,?ette With a correspon&ing re&,ction in pay# *ary

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What 1 why' S,?ette (:ounting off the charges! They sai& yo, ha e ha& too /any co/plaints against yo, %y /e/%ers, reports not +ile& in a ti/ely +ashion an& lac.ing critical in+or/ation, inte/perate o,t%,rsts 1

*ary S,?ette, yo, .now how these /e/%ers can %e# They =,st tal. an& tal. an& tal. ,ntil yo, =,st want to s/ac. the/ an& say go back on your meds# $t)s insane# An& in the en&, we)re not allowe& to &o anything to help the/ anyway# ( )ause! Who co/plaine&' S,?ette $)/ not here to tal. a%o,t yo,r co/plaints# $ =,st wante& to see yo, an& warn yo, in person that this is co/ing &own# $t is a reco//en&ation /a&e %y Mel Sil er hi/sel+ 1 to McMillion# *ary WM .nows a%o,t this' S,?ette 2e concei e& an& a,thori?e& the e8peri/ent# *ary

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2e won)t %e happy to .now that 1 it +aile&# $ won&er i+ he)ll %e happy to .now that $ lea.e& his little e8peri/ent to the %,siness press# S,?ette (on)t &o that# They)ll +ire yo, +or s,re# *ary They wo,l&n)t# $)/ a whistle%lower# This co/pany is tra&e& on the New -or. Stoc. 38change# Can yo, i/agine what the sharehol&ers wo,l& thin. a%o,t the +act that ( haughtily! Willia/ McMillion hires corporate spies' S,?ette *ary, $ =,st han&le the Title One attorneys# -o, are gi ing yo,rsel+ too /,ch cre&it# No one in the press is going to care a%o,t this# *ary They will# $ happen to .now this &i ision is %eing sued %y sales associates an& /e/%ers# The people are starting to +ig,re it o,t# S,?ette 2ow 1' (*ary rises, approaches S,?ette and puts his hand on her shoulder.! *ary (oes Mel .now a%o,t ,s' S,?ette

84

$ ha en)t sai& anything# *ary 2e /ight %e =ealo,s# S,?ette $ tol& yo, it was o er %etween /e an& Mel# *ary $ .now# S,?ette Anyway, it was a long ti/e ago# 2e)s /o e& on# *ary As ha e yo,# (S,?ette thinks about this.!

S,?ette *ary, what &o yo, see in /e' *ary (on)t yo, .now' S,?ette No# ($ y strains to hear. As Aiona rises and walks over with a stack of papers, $ y returns to her desk and resumes typing. !

85

*ary $t)s the se8# $t)s a se8 thing# $t)s incre&i%le# (They kiss.! (!lackout! Act Two Scene Three ((arrell, Ale8, (anny, Melo&y, @ynne, Aiona and $ y are all in *ary)s office C# (arrell sleeps in the comfy chair. Ale8 sits in *ary)s chair. (anny, Melo&y and @ynne manage to mill about in this smallish space. Melo&y has adopted a beatnik persona and wardrobe. Aiona and $ y stand ,ust outside the door of *ary)s office#! Ale8 What)s ta.ing so long' (anny We) e all ha& co/plaints#

Ale8 2e see/s to ha e /ore o+ the/, tho,gh# These /orons get to hi/# $ y $ hear hi/ sla/ the phone an& swear a+ter e ery single call# A,c. yo,> Sla/> Eiss /y +,c.ing ass> Sla/> A,c.ing nigger> Sla/>

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Aiona $ ha e hear& it too# @ynne (To $ y! Why ha en)t yo, sai& anything' $ y Beca,se he)s c,te# Melo&y B,t he)s /ine, an& yo,)re /arrie&# That /a.es hi/ o++ li/its# ()ause! The partners sho,l&n)t /a.e hi/ s,++er# (anny 3 ery%o&y who tal.s to these people on the phone all &ay long is going to r,n into yo,r pro%le/ /e/%ers ( The others hear that (anny is about to lecture them again and attempt to silence him, but he perseveres and continues with his speech over their catcalls and comments. ! C,rtis, $srael an& A%ra/son &on)t .now %eca,se they ha e ne er %een on the phone with a /e/%er 1 Ale8 (o yo, %la/e the/'

(anny

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1 an& it)s the sa/e people, ti/e a+ter ti/e, year a+ter year# With e8perience, yo, learn who the pro%le/ /e/%ers are an& yo, a oi& pic.ing ,p the call# Melo&y 2ow)s his legal a& ice' Ale8 Mel, $ hear& hi/ telling a /e/%er that the 9#S# sho,l& not go into $ran %eca,se the C,ssians ha e n,.es there# Melo&y See/s pretty so,n& to /e# Ale8 The loser was calling a%o,t a +oreclos,re# (anny B,t yo, see, we get these calls when it)s +ar %eyon& the point where legal a& ice wo,l& %e o+ any %ene+it# They) e screwe& ,p their li es# Most o+ the/ ha e /ental pro%le/s# @ynne They can %e helpe&# $t)s o,r &,ty to help the/# Ale8 2ow can yo, stan& it %etween the loser /e/%ers an& Oli er an& Mel treating ,s li.e little .i&s' (anny (Adopting a cheap !ritish accent! (on)t +orget Norwin#

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Ale8 2e isn)t really 2#$# 2e &oesn)t r,n it, &oesn)t care a%o,t it, &oesn)t .now anything a%o,t it# Melo&y 2e .nows it when the chec. co/es in# (anny The partners get pai& no /atter what# They are not parties to the recent /e/%er an& associate laws,its, an& wo,l&n)t %e lia%le in any e ent# They ha e +o,n& their cash cow an& they will ne er let go# Melo&y (o the laws,its ha e a chance to stic.' Ale8 Ten states so +ar# -o, .now how these class actions go# 3 eryone =,/ps on the %an&wagon# $nstant /erit# $t won)t %e long %e+ore e ery%o&y wants a piece# Melo&y $t was a /atter o+ ti/e# (anny We ha e a retire/ent plan# Ale8

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Wow, ten percent o+ nothing pai& into a K0<E that loses /oney# $)/ going to start pic.ing o,t con&os in T,r. an& Eai.os# (anny Not that retire/ent plan# Ale8 What then' (anny O,r secret client &ata%ase 1 @ynne What' Ale8 (Looks at (anny, unsure whether he should proceed and reveal their plans. (anny nods#! $t)s li.e this# We ha e esta%lishe& a law o++ice where we han&le all o+ the &ecent cases that co/e thro,gh here# When we get eno,gh clients, (anny, *ary an& $ %rea. o++ an& +or/ o,r own practice# Aor real# @ynne Why not han&le the cases thro,gh this o++ice' Ale8 The partners re=ecte& the/# (anny

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Too /,ch wor., not eno,gh rewar&# @ynne What a%o,t hi/' ()oints at (arrell! Ale8 2e)s enor/o,sly in&i++erent#

(anny We can)t get a l,ci& wa.ing /o/ent o,t o+ hi/ that &oesn)t in ol e alcohol, wo/en or rate /y poo &ot co/# Ale8 Pl,s he has his tr,st +,n&# 2e &oesn)t nee& to wor.# Melo&y 2e)s really ta.ing a& antage o+ his pri ilege& stat,s# @ynne $t)s ,nethical# An& %esi&es, i+ it is a la%or:intensi e, rewar&: &,%io,s proposition +or the partners, isn)t it /ore so +or yo,' $ /ean, with +,ll:ti/e =o%s an& e erything' An& yo, ha e to gi e the partners part o+ yo,r +ee# Ale8 No, we &on)t# (anny

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There are so/e goo& cases that co/e thro,gh here that the partners throw away# We)re si/ply ta.ing a little /ore o+ the ris. than they are willing to# What &o yo, say, @ynne' @ynne (She thinks about all of this for a moment. ! (o what yo, want# $)/ o,t# Melo&y $)ll &o whate er *ary)s &oing# Aiona $)/ o,t# $ want less wor., not /ore# $)/ +ar too %,sy here# (*ary enters from SC#! (anny 2ey, how)& it go' (*ary glares at $ y! *ary (oes e ery%o&y .now $ ha& a /eeting with the partners' $ y Not e eryone is here to&ay# ($ y returns to her desk, picks up phone and begins chatting. @ynne and Aiona return to Aiona)s office and shut the door. Melo&y approaches *ary, embraces him and kisses him passionately, actually backing him against his own desk, which he grasps for balance. Melo&y then abruptly e.its SC#!

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Melo&y Can)t 1 resist 1 *ary $ ha& no i&ea $ was this pop,lar# ( &e hovers over (arrell for a moment, claps his hands.! Beer> (*ary then glares at Ale8 and gestures wildly.! *et o,t o+ /y chair> (Ale8 scurries out from behind *ary)s desk, but remains in his office.! (arrell (Slowly regaining consciousness.! What ti/e is it' *ary 2appy ho,r, let)s go#

(anny Ale8 an& $ were =,st e8plaining Plan B +or escape +ro/ 2ell $ncorporate& to so/e o+ the la&ies# (arrell Are yo, &,&es still thin.ing a%o,t a start ,p' (anny -o,r na/e)s on the letterhea&# (arrell

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-o, &,&es are too a/%itio,s# $)/ telling yo,# Ci&e this shit o,t +or a +ew years, &o their little &ance, sa e so/e &o,gh, then go o,t on yo,r own# (anny We tho,ght we ha& /oney# -our /oney# Are yo, no longer co//itte& to 2elping 2an& $nternational' (arrell The na/e alone will get yo, s,e&# $t)s too close to 2elp $ncorporate&# Not to /ention the +act it so,n&s li.e a relie+ organi?ation# Ale8 Besi&es, we nee& clients# *ary A/ $ 1 (anny 2elp is help# -o, can)t tra&e/ar. it# *ary 1 interr,pting so/ething'

(arrell $ tho,ght we were going to 2appy 2o,r# Ale8

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-es, let)s go# *ary' *ary $) e 1 got to stic. aro,n& +or a +ew /in,tes# Ale8 Meet yo, at PP(# *ary Wait# (anny, let)s go o er to yo,r o++ice# This place is a sty# A&/itte&ly# (They e.it, enter (anny)s office.! (*ary looks around to make sure no one is listening. &e draws the others closer.! They .now# (anny What' *ary The partners .now a%o,t o,r little si&e %,siness# Ale8 (Severely, with disbelief! No# (arrell $ tol& yo,# Too &eri ati e# Not ethically so,n&# Act,al work# $ .new it was a %a& i&ea +ro/ the start#

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*ary Any i&eas on who st,c. the .ni+e in o,r collecti e %ac.' ((anny and Ale8 eventually settle on (arrell#! (arrell Whoa# (anny -o,r pessi/is/ has not gone ,nnotice&# $ always s,specte& there was a /ole on this +loor# $s this how yo, get %y with &oing so little wor.' (arrell $ get as /any closes as yo, &o# Tro,%le with yo, is, yo, really try to help these people# (anny We all ha e o,r own styles, an& 1 (arrell $t)s legal +ast +oo&# Ser e the/ an& /o e on to the ne8t o erweight, o er/e&icate&, o erspen&ing loser# Ale8 $ want to &o /ore than gi e these people a Ban&:Ai&# *ary Ceally' Ale8

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-eah, $ want to %ill /y stones o++ at a h,n&re& an& +i+ty per ho,r# (anny @oo., we all ha e o,r own styles# $ %ill /y stones o++ %eca,se $ can tal. +or ho,rs on en&, incessantly, a%o,t anything# 3 erything else is ol,/e# This place was s,ppose& to s,pply ,s with the ol,/e o+ cases we nee&# *ary (on)t yo, g,ys get it' We)re on o,r way o,t> (arrell What &i& Mel say, e8actly' *ary 2ow &i& yo, .now $ /et with Mel' $ &i&n)t say $ /et with Mel# (arrell All 2#$# /eetings o+ conse7,ence are with Mel# Norwin is =,st in it +or the /oney an& Oli er =,st han&s o,t coo.ies an& springs +or one:thir& the cost o+ pi??as one &ay a /onth, in recognition o+ sta++ %irth&ays# ( )ause! (,&es, $)/ o,t o+ here# Acc,se /e i+ yo, want# Bla/e yo,rsel es# -o, were a%o,t as &iscreet as Melo&y is a%o,t *ary# (No one responds.! $+ any%o&y wants to go to 2appy 2o,r, $)ll %e in /y o++ice loo.ing at Cate My Poo &ot co/# (anny What is that'

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Ale8 (Amused! $t)s a we%site with ,n%elie a%ly %ig shits# (anny Co/e on, (arrell# We)re =,st %,sting yo,r stones a little# $) e got %eer in /y o++ice# (arrell $)ll %e &own# (&e stomps off! ((anny produces bottles of beer for the three of them. &e sits, followed by *ary and Ale8 in chairs. They drink.! Ale8 What &i& he say' *ary Mel sat /e &own an& he %ro,ght S,?ette in# $ &on)t thin. he was concerne& a%o,t the si&e %,siness so /,ch as he was a%o,t /y attit,&e with the /e/%ers# 2e sai& $) e recei e& co/plaints an& he ha& S,?ette r,n &own a list o+ the/# ()ause! Ale8 3 ery%o&y gets co/plaints# *ary $ /entione& that# $t see/s the +re7,ency has the/ concerne&# $ trie& to step ,p /y closes ( Suddenly, *ary begins goose0stepping around (anny)s office like a Na4i, and Ale8 ,oins in.! an& as yo, .now, /e/%er co/plaints are

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&irectly proportional to the n,/%er o+ call %ac.s# ( They stop the goose0stepping. Ale8 has pulled something.! $t)s a /athe/atical certainty# Ale8 $ call it the 5loser ratio6# *ary Anyway, $ co,l&n)t &eny it# Any o+ the/# (anny (!ecoming the alpha male, father figure again ! Well, e ery%o&y here gets co/plaints# We all react &i++erently to this type o+ wor.# The ol,/e, the constant str,ggle to +in& a legal iss,e in the incessant &roning on an& on a%o,t nothing# (on)t let these people get to yo,# $ tol& yo, that a+ter si8 /onths, yo, wo,l& either settle in +or the long ha,l or yo, wo,l& +all o++ the /ap# (on)t let the/ get to yo,# Ale8 $)/ so sic. o+ these +,c.ing losers thin.ing they ha e the right to co/plain a%o,t /e# *ary B,t anyway, he went on a%o,t the /e/%ers# -o, .now their na/es# They call here e ery &ay %eca,se, 1 oh, $ &on)t .now 1 they got a tic.et +or ,rinating in p,%lic or so/e local politician is corr,pt or 1 so/e police o++ice is +ollowing the/ aro,n& =,st %eca,se they ha e twenty o,tstan&ing arrest warrants# (anny

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-o, sho,l& .now to a oi& /e/%ers who are on the screen e ery &ay# @et the new /eat ta.e their l,/ps with the li+ers# A+ter si8 /onths, yo, sho,l& .now what to a oi& an& what is going to gi e yo, the least a/o,nt o+ tro,%le# Ale8 -eah, yo, nee& to %alance %etween 7,antity an& 7,ality# *ary So, is this %a&' (anny $) e ne er hear& o+ Mel /eeting with an attorney to &isc,ss co/plaints# They are a +act o+ li+e here# -o, get people who are pre&ispose& to co/plain in the +irst place, an& yo, sell the/ a +or,/ to air their grie ances an& get them fi.ed# Then they +in& o,t they ha e to pay /ore to ha e ,s represent the/' $t)s a olatile co/%ination# *ary Well, he &i&n)t see/ so concerne& a%o,t &i erting /e/%ers to o,r own +ir/# 2e =,st /entione& it, an& s,ggeste& we stop# (anny My ,n&erstan&ing is that they)re loo.ing +or the /illion &ollar case they can retire on# As long as we &on)t steal that, they /ight lea e ,s alone# Ale8 No, the three stooges li.e that /oney co/ing in +ro/ the contract e ery /onth# So/ething else is going on in that cr,ci%le o+ an o++ice that we &on)t .now a%o,t#

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(:urtain! Act Three Scene One (Mel, Oli er and Norwin stand in *ary)s office. Norwin is hunched over *ary)s computer terminal, pressing buttons frantically on the keyboard and clicking the mouse, watching the screen intently. Mel goes through papers on *ary)s desk. Oli er stands in front of the desk and eats from a bo. of cookies he is holding.! Oli er We ha e to +ire hi/# $ &on)t see any other way# Mel "irt,ally e ery call he han&les res,lts in a co/plaint# 52e re+,se& to help /e#6 5$ +elt li.e he wasn)t listening to /e#6 52e swore at /e#6 An& then yo, try to con+ront hi/ a%o,t these co/plaints an& he =,st sits there an& loo.s at yo,# Oli er With that %lan. stare# Mel @i.e he &oesn)t .now what yo,)re tal.ing a%o,t# An& he gi es yo, this attit,&e# Oli er 2e won)t gi e me attit,&e# Norwin

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S,re, %eca,se yo, %ring hi/ coo.ies once a /onth# Oli er No, he won)t e en try that shit with /e# $ =,st raise /y oice a little an& he cal/s right &own# 2e)s a p,ssy# ( Takes a big, disgusted bite out of a cookie. ! These things are gi ing /e a s,gar high# (&e begins aimlessly moving *ary)s books around in an attempt to clean off the bookshelf. &e ends up making it worse.! Mel 2e)s %a& +or %,siness# We nee& to tell McMillion his e8peri/ent +aile&# 2is /an on the insi&e +ell in with the proletariat# Or the %o,rgeoisie# $)/ not s,re which# Oli er Whiche er one /eans loser# Norwin *,ys 1 he)s got porn on here# Oli er $s it the sa/e site $ go to' Mel 2is pro&,ction has &roppe& o++ tre/en&o,sly# 2e lea es ,s no choice# Oli er Mel, $ hate *ary We%% as /,ch as any%o&y, %,t are yo, s,re yo,)re not letting personal /atters in+l,ence yo,r &ecision' $ /ean, he was %anging S,?ette in this o++ice#

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Norwin On the goo& chair# Oli er T,rn the c,shion o er# (Mel complies, gingerly lifts a corner of the big cushion and flips it over, then pushes it into place with his foot. ! Mel Me an& S,?ette are o er# $t was a long ti/e ago# She can see whoe er she wants# As +ar as $)/ concerne&, S,?ette was a =oyri&e# Norwin $n the /i&&le:age& Cange Co er o+ li+e# Mel Well, %e that as it /ay# ()ause! O+ co,rse, $ a/ not a%o e, in a&&ition to +iring o,r associate, r,ining his personal li+e# Norwin (irty pool> No +air> The e il, ,n&erhan&e& partner i/poses his will on the yo,ng associate corr,pte& %y the syste/> What &i& yo, ha e in /in&' Mel Well, we ha e his %ac.gro,n& +ile# Ass,/ing all that in+or/ation is still ali&, we can ,se that so/ehow#

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Oli er We can)t ha e o,r spies t,rning against ,s, yo, .now# Mel May%e a call to his girl+rien& 1 Oli er A %a& re+erence# (&e gets disgusted, spilling books onto the floor. &e begins picking them up and returning them to the shelf.! Norwin A con+i&entiality agree/ent' Oli er -es, yes# Mel Shall we +ollow o,r nor/al ro,tine, &o what we always &o' Oli er $)ll get the hats> (*.its @! Norwin $ will ha e S,?ette call McMillion, an& patch hi/ in here +or a con+erence call# (*.its @! Mel

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-es, patch hi/ in here# (Mel moves to behind *ary)s desk, where Norwin was, and presses a few buttons.! -es, *ary, $ see +ro/ the pornography on yo,r co/p,ter that yo, are s.ille& in the internet arts a+ter all# 2a& yo, +orgotten that we recor& e ery wor&, e ery .eystro.e' Or &i& $ neglect to tell yo, that' So/e o+ these girls loo. pretty yo,ng# (Shaking his head.! No, that si/ply won)t &o# (+anders out from behind *ary)s desk, down C! Oh, *ary# -o, were in o er yo,r hea&# A &epra e& little prole in the worl& o+ /en, with yo,r sor&i& past o+ a++airs an& insi&er tra&ing# 2ow long &i& yo, thin. it wo,l& last' -o, wante& to gri+t the gri+ters# -o, +orgot that McMillion has perpet,ate& the greatest pyra/i& sche/e in the history o+ the help in&,stry# O,r /e/%ers ha e pai& an& 1 re:pai& +or legal 1 what a/o,nts to legal ser ices, sol& ,n&er the g,ise help +or pennies a &ay# They can ha e access to top pro+essionals in the +iel&, ,naware that we hire losers who can)t e en +i8 their own li es# We gi e the/ a& ice on how to wrec. their li es e en /ore# Money is +,nnele& ,p to the top slots in the corporation, 5in&epen&ent6 %ranches o+ a central r,ling %o&y# We ha e collecti i?e& the practice o+ help# +e &o it +or the /oney an& the power, +or that trip to "egas twice a year +or o,r ann,al pep rally# We ta.e the associates we can tolerate personally# The ones who .now 2elp $ncorporate& is a sca/ %,t play along anyway# We li.e that# Those people will go +ar in this organi?ation# ( Aside! They can .eep their =o%s# Pity yo, co,l&n)t wor. with ,s, *ary# -o, were %eing groo/e& +or partner# B,t yo, threw it away on ethics# Ceal help# A twiste& iew o+ who really r,ns the worl&# McMillion ("#O#! Who &oes r,n the worl&, Mel' Mel (Taken aback! Why, yo, &o, Mr# McMillion#

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()ause. !oth Mel and McMillion erupt into laugher as Oli er enters from @, wonders what they are laughing about. Norwin enters (uickly behind. Mel sees the two and goes solemn and low0key, his usual state. They clearly rarely see Mel laughing. McMillion, in voice over, remotely gives a few leftover chortles, then stops abruptly. ! Oli er $ +o,n& these# (&e holds up cheap party hats, distributes one each to Oli er and Mel# Oli er returns to the bo. of cookies he had left on *ary)s desk, begins devouring cookies. Soon he is pacing back and forth (uickly.! McMillion ("#O#! (a i&, is that yo,' -o, li/ey %astar&> Norwin $t)s Norwin, sir# McMillion ("#O#! Oh yes, $ +orgot a%o,t the na/e change# Norwin $t throws people o++, sir# An& yo, yo,rsel+ can e/pathi?e, sir# McMillion ("#O#! $n&ee&# ()ause! $s e ery%o&y here' Oli er ()acing! -es sir, $)/ here# McMillion ("#O#!

106

$s this a sec,re line' Mel -es, o+ co,rse# McMillion ("#O#! Well then 1 apparently we ha e so/e sort o+ pro%le/ with the (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer' Mel -es, he is not wor.ing o,t as we ha& planne&, sir# McMillion ("#O#! $ see +ro/ yo,r /onthly reports that his pro&,cti ity is +alling o++# 38planation' Oli er (Still pacing! 2e has t,rne& against e ery%o&y# 2is e/ployer, the /e/%ers# 2e see/s to ha e %eco/e +rien&ly with the sta++# Mel Too +rien&ly# An& in one e8tre/e case, too +rien&ly with /anage/ent# Oli er (To Mel! We consi&er S,?ette to %e a /i&:le el s,per isor with certain e8ec,ti e pri ileges# McMillion ("#O#!

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Wo,l& that %e the sa/e S,?ette who acco/panies yo, to @as "egas e ery year, Mel' Mel (Abruptly! -es sir# McMillion ("#O#! Accor&ing to hotel s,r eillance, Mel, yo, an& S,?ette were &ating, is that correct' Mel (Shrinking! -es# McMillion ("#O#! *rante&, that was ten years ago# ( )ause! What &i& she &o, tra&e yo, in +or a yo,nger /o&el' (&e laughs, along with Norwin and Oli er! Norwin (:omposes himself under Mel)s glare! $+ $ /ay, sir, we /ay ha e /a&e the (esignate& $nterr,ption 3ntertainer too &arne& irresisti%le to the la&ies# McMillion ("#O#! No%o&y made hi/ %,t /e# Oli er 2e t,rne& coat, sir# Mel With yo,r appro al, sir, $ wo,l& s,ggest a layo++ &,e to loss o+ %,siness# $t always wor.s as an all:p,rpose re/e&y in

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these sorts o+ cases# A layo++ wo,l& re/o e any hint o+ will+,l /iscon&,ct +ro/ the e7,ation an& it wo,l& sa e McMillion 3nterprises +ro/ ha ing to e8plain why it +ire& a corporate spy# McMillion ("#O#! -o, &on)t thin. he will raises this iss,e hi/sel+ in a ter/ination procee&ing witho,t any pro/pting' Mel We wo,l& not oppose s,ch a procee&ing#

McMillion ("#O#! $)/ not paying ,ne/ploy/ent to so/eone we entr,ste& with co/pany secrets, who sta%%e& ,s in the %ac.# ( !eat! We will ta.e care o+ this in the ,s,al /anner# $ will i/ple/ent Agen&a Twenty:One# Oli er (Stops eating. &is mouth is full of crumbs. ! We what' McMillion ("#O#! -o, all hear& /e# $ will /a.e the necessary arrange/ents 1 &ate, ti/e etcetera# -o, three /a.e s,re the +loor is clear when the ti/e co/es# Mel B,t sir 1 $t won)t &o to ha e one o+ o,r o++ices seale& o++ with yellow tape#

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McMillion ("#O#! Melly, Melly, Melly# (o yo, really thin. $ wo,l& let that happen# (!eat! $t)s +inal# Now, i+ there is nothing else, $ ha e a gol+ &ate with a +e&eral =,&ge# *oo&:%ye# ( Loud click! Norwin Well, that)s rather &irect, isn)t it' Mel O,r tas. is clear# Oli er (!ouncing around the floor in a nervous panic. ! All right, all right, yo, hear& McMillion# @et)s get the propagan&a /achine rolling# $)ll call in S,?ette an& e8plain things to her#

Mel -o, &on)t thin. she)ll %e ,pset when she +in&s o,t' Oli er We tell her *ary is /entally ,n%alance&# Which he is# Mel $ &on)t .now a%o,t this# Oli er $+ we &on)t hol& ,p o,r en&, McMillion will ter/inate the contract# So/e other +ir/ will get the McMillion /illions, the

110

trips to "egas, the +ancy o++ices, the con&os in T,r. an& Eai.os# (o yo, want that' Mel No# Oli er -o,)re the one who)s always tal.ing a%o,t ta.ing that ne8t step ,p# $nto the elite# This is a chance +or ,s to pro e o,r /ettle# $+ we han&le this right, we are on the A:list# We)ll %e li.e roc. stars# (&e trips and falls face0first into the comfy chair.! Norwin (o yo, thin. he will in ite ,s to Bohe/ian *ro e +or acation' Oli er (Somewhat muffled! @et)s not get carrie& away# Mel -o,)re tal.ing a%o,t %eing part o+ a 1 conspiracy# Oli er (Rights himself with considerable difficulty. ! Well, what &o yo, thin. the contract is' 2elp $ncorporate&' -eah, right# Norwin A pyra/i& sche/e in the g,ise o+ a h,/anitarian o%=ecti e# $t is a ci il conspiracy# Organi?e& the+t#

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Oli er Only &i++erence is, it /a.es ,s rich an& the law is /arginally on o,r si&e# Mel Well, $)/ on %oar&, &on)t worry a%o,t that# We)ll get a nice Christ/as %on,s this year +or s,re# (+ith awe! Agen&a twenty:one# Oli er O.ay then, gentle/en# @et)s a&=o,rn# Things ha e a way o+ /o ing pretty +ast once we get the call# (All prepare to leave.! @et)s recon ene at noon# Mel, Norwin O.ay# Oli er $ hate wor., %,t $ lo e ha ing /y na/e +irst on the letterhea&# (They e.it @! ($ y)s head pops up from underneath her desk. She is ashen. She paces back and forth in front of the offices, wringing her hands. Aiona enters and efficiently moves about her office, which remains a sty, comparable to *ary)s# $ y enters Aiona)s office.! $ y -o, won)t %elie e what $ =,st hear&# Aiona

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2a e yo, %een loo.ing ,n&er yo,r &es. +or yo,r pencil again' $ y ()ays her no mind! $ thin. the partners are getting rea&y to 1 +ire *ary# Aiona What are yo, tal.ing a%o,t' $ y $ =,st hear& the three wise /en in *ary)s o++ice tal.ing to !ill <c<illion, an& they were tal.ing a%o,t taking care of >ary> Aiona Bill McMillion was on the phone with the partners' $ y -es# Aiona $n *ary)s o++ice' $ y -es# ()ause! $ .now yo, two &on)t get along# $ wish yo, wo,l& /a.e ,p# Aiona (:oldly! $ really &on)t care what he thin.s o+ /e# $ =,st want to co/e in an& &o /y =o%, an& go ho/e# $ &on)t /a.e wa es, $ &on)t sociali?e, an& the partners lo e /e# An& i+ they want

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to +ire *ary, it)s their prerogati e# 2e &eser es it, i+ yo, as. /e#

$ y Co/e on, $ li.e ha ing happy people aro,n& /e# Aiona $)/ +ine with things the way they are# $t)s not /y pro%le/ i+ he has iss,es# $ y -o, ta.e three /onths a year o++# Aiona $t)s all pai& +or# $ y What' Aiona (on)t tell anyone# $ y $) e got to help hi/# $ can)t sa e his =o%, since it)s the partners who are in ol e&, %,t /ay%e $ can gi e hi/ so/e a& ance warning# Aiona Are we &one' $) e got to start calling /e/%ers#

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$ y (7n disbelief! -es, than.s Aiona# ($ y e.its Aiona)s office. *ary and (anny enter from C# +e hear Aiona calling as the two enter. They are in the middle of a conversation.! Aiona 2ello, 2elp $ncorporate& 1 (*ary and (anny enter (anny)s office, switch on the lights.! *ary 1 i+ we were allowe& to &o /ore +or the /e/%ers %esi&es call the/, the ser ice, $ thin., wo,l& %e a lot /ore worthwhile# As it stan&s, they are selling this 2elp pac.age to the ,ns,specting, ,n&er the pretense that we as Title One associates can &o /ore +or the/ than we act,ally can# (anny Oh *ary# So &el,&e&# -o, act,ally thin. the syste/ is set ,p to help# $t)s set ,p to make money# They want so/e%o&y li.e Aiona, who closes lots o+ cases# *ary -o, &on)t &o that# $) e seen yo, spen& +orty:+i e /in,tes on the phone with /e/%ers# -o, go into co,rt with the/# (anny $+ they nee& /e to#

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*ary (on)t the partners an&, ,/, S,?ette &eci&e that' 9n&er Title Three' O+ the contract, $ /ean' (anny No, no, no# They &on)t &eci&e# 7 &eci&e# B,t yes, the partners wo,l& rather ha e twenty Aionas, closing their %alls o++# (Slight pause! $+ she ha& %alls# Well, yo, .now what $ /ean#

*ary $ thin. she pisses with the seat ,p, i+ that)s where yo, were hea&e& with that# Aiona nee&s to %e %ent o er a &es. an& plowe& +ro/ %ehin&# (*ary mimes this.! The *ree.s li.e that, $ hear# (anny She)s typical 2elp $ncorporate&# Ae/ale in her +i+ties, can)t +in& wor. anywhere else# $t)s the en& o+ the line +or /ost o+ the/# *ary 2ow a%o,t /e an& yo,' (anny We nee& to +in& an alternati e to this type o+ wor.# We)ll ne er %rea. into the /ar.et +ro/ here# *ary We co,l& ,nioni?e the Title One associates#

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(anny $ &on)t want to hear a%o,t that# The partners will sn,++ that o,t# 4,st &o yo,r =o%, an& i+ yo, hate it that /,ch, +in& so/ething else# *ary -o,)re pro%a%ly right# (!egins to e.it (anny)s office$ (anny O+ co,rse $ a/# (*ary e.its, enters his office, begins to go through his morning routine with considerable dread. $ y rushes in, checks to see if anyone is around.! $ y $ ha e so/ething to tell yo,# *ary What is it' Sit &own, sweetie# ($ y sits in the comfy chair.! $ y Ooh, $ co,l& +all asleep in this thing# *ary Many ha e# 38cept /e, o+ co,rse# $ y

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@isten, $ thin. the partners are getting rea&y to fire you# *ary What' Sshhh> (Attempts to (uiet $ y as she continues.! $ y The partners were in here 1 *ary O,tsi&e> Now> $ y Why' *ary 4,st 1 o,t, please# (!oth *ary and $ y step out into the hall, down C! $ y What)s going on' $ wante& to spea. to yo, in pri ate# *ary My o++ice /ay not %e entirely secure# $ y What &o yo, /ean' *ary Tr,st /e# (+hispers! They p,t a ca/era in there#

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$ y No way# -o, get paranoi& /,ch' *ary They .now e erything $) e &one since $ got here# $ y A%o,t yo, an& S,?ette' *ary -es 1 yes, how &o yo, .now a%o,t that' $ y $ .now e erything# Or at least $ tho,ght $ &i&#

*ary So yo, .now 1 $ y A%o,t yo, an& Melo&y too# S,re $ &o# 3 ery%o&y .nows that# $t)s ancient history# Melo&y was han&ing o,t we&&ing in itations# *ary An& a%o,t 1 $ y

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-o,)re little si&e %,siness# O+ co,rse# Ale8 was ha ing /e type his letters# *ary (Thinks for a moment! Shit# A,c.# No o++ense# $ y $)/ a secretary to twenty attorneys# There)s not a lot going on that $ &on)t .now a%o,t# *ary Well, what were they saying' $ y They sai& they were going to take care of yo,# *ary May%e yo, /isinterprete&# What were yo, &oing' @istening thro,gh the wall'

$ y They ha& Bill McMillion on spea.er phone> ( )ause! $ ,se& to +eel %a& a%o,t ea es&ropping, %,t now that $ .now they spy on ,s, $ &on)t# *ary $ y, can we tal. a+ter wor., away +ro/ the o++ice'

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$ y S,re# Why' *ary $ nee& to tal. to yo, a%o,t why $ was hire& here# B,t $ =,st &on)t tr,st anyone any/ore# $ y What a%o,t S,?ette' *ary $ thin. S,?ette)s playing %oth si&es# ( &e considers this for a moment.! She sat /e &own with the partners an& they tol& /e they .now e erything# The ha e s,r eillance, e erything# They recor& o,r phone calls# $ y Can $ as. yo, so/ething' *ary S,re# $ y Why &on)t yo, an& Mary ha e any .i&s' *ary What &o yo, /ean' $ y

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-o,) e %een together a long ti/e# Why ha en)t yo, ha& any .i&s' *ary We)re not e en /arrie&# $ y So' $) e ha& +o,r .i&s witho,t e er %eing /arrie&# *ary $ &on)t .now i+ $)& %rag a%o,t that# $ y $)/ not %ragging# That)s =,st how it is# *ary Ne ertheless, we ha e /a&e a conscio,s choice not to ha e any# $ y -o, =,st &on)t want anything to inter+ere with play ti/e# -o, &on)t want the responsi%ility# *ary What' What is this a%o,t ha ing .i&s all o+ a s,&&en' 2ey, yo, ha e an o++ice here +,ll o+ swinging &ic.s# Tell the/ to go ha e .i&s# -ou go ha e /ore .i&s#

$ y

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They)re not throwing away their li es# *ary An& $ a/' @et /e tell yo, so/ething# The go ern/ent wants yo, ha ing .i&s, it 1 $ y 1 oh, the go ern/ent 1 that)s goo&# *ary Sh,t ,p> $ y No, $ won)t sh,t ,p> *ary They want yo, ha ing .i&s# 2ell, they)ll e en gi e yo, a ta8 %rea.# That way, they .now yo,)re going into &e%t, %,ying a ho,se, st,c. in a =o% yo, hate, chaine& to the stat,s 7,o, a+rai& to spea. o,t, to &o anything new or &i++erent# They plan on it# $ y -o, ha e no responsi%ility# What &o yo, .now' *ary -o,)re a secretary# -o, .now nothing a%o,t responsi%ility# $ y Cight, an& %eca,se yo, ha e a &egree, yo, &o#

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*ary Two> $ ha e two &egrees 1 $ y So what' *ary 1 an& $ ha e to tal. to +,c.ing /orons all &ay long an& listen to insane %a%%ling 1 $ y So &oes e ery%o&y else here# $ &on)t hear the/ co/plaining# *ary 1 an& $ can get s,e& %y any one o+ the/ at any ti/e, an& C,rtis $srael 0 A%ra/son listen an& watch e erything $ &o, an& they p,t 7,otas on /e# $ wor. in a +,c.ing s,ici&e pre ention mill, circa <J<0# This place is a sweatshop> ()ause! -o, &on)t hear the/ co/plaining' Ceally' ($ y suddenly is crying. *ary places a hand on her shoulder.! $)/ sorry# $)/ not s,re why, e8actly, %,t $)/ sorry# ( )ause! @isten, let)s get o,t o+ here at l,nch# We)ll go to PP(# $ y $ &on)t ,s,ally cry# $)/ =,st going thro,gh so /,ch with (aniel)s +ather an& $ 1 ha& to lash o,t 1 yo, =,st &on)t see/ to care a%o,t anything# *ary

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$ &o, tho,gh# ()ause! -o, .now, i+ yo, weren)t co//on law /arrie& with +o,r .i&s, an& $ &i&n)t ha e a girl+rien& an& two /istresses 1 $ y (on)t let that stop yo,# (;isses *ary)s cheek! See yo, at l,nch# (She e.its C! (!lackout! Act Three Scene Two (*ary, (anny, Ale8 and (arrell are seated in (anny)s office, (anny behind his desk. 7t is late in the day. The lights have been turned down on the rest of the stage and there is background music courtesy of a boom bo., which dominates (anny)s desk. All are holding drinksA Ale8 and *ary have beers. (anny has a glass of wine, and a bottle on his desk. (arrell has a mi.ed drink.! *ary $ &on)t %elie e it# (arrell (own in +la/es# $ warne& yo, g,ys# *ary What was it, e8actly' (anny One o+ the /e/%ers went to Mel with a co/plaint a%o,t one o+ ,s, an& spille& e erything 1 o,r engage/ent letters, o,r +ee agree/ents, e erything#

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Ale8 Sho,l& ha e .nown one o+ these +,c.ing losers wo,l& t,rn against ,s# (Rises and begins pacing around the office. ! (arrell -es, yo, sho,l& ha e# (Melo&y and @ynne enter from C and (arrell rises to greet them. They e.change pleasantries.! Ale8 We co,l& lose o,r licenses# (anny This is typical when yo, go o,t on yo,r own +ro/ an esta%lishe& practice# *ary 2ow wo,l& yo, .now' -o, wo,l& ha e %een happy getting yo,r ten closes a &ay, getting pai& sla e wages an& going ho/e, ne er really gi ing any%o&y any real help# ((arrell and Melo&y begin dancing to the music down @# @ynne ,oins the group in the office. Ale8 continues pacing#! Ale8 A,c. these losers# They t,rne& on ,s# They ratte& ,s o,t# ( &e punches the wall, which hurts his hand. ! (anny $ was happy &oing those things# See/s to /e we ne er /o e& on this i&ea %eyon& the &isc,ssion stage ,ntil yo, ca/e to the +ir/ an& starte& stirring things ,p#

126

*ary $ &i&n)t stir anything ,p# $t was yo,r i&ea# -o, ca/e to /e with it, so &on)t acc,se /e o+ getting anyone +ire&# ( Rises and confronts (anny! @ynne Who got +ire&' Ale8 (To no one in particular, imitating Oli er! So/e o+ these people =,st want so/eone to tal. to# -o,r gran&/other can han&le /ost o+ these calls# $t)s =,st li.e The @aw an& -o,# $)& li.e to see Mel or Oli er or Norwin &o what we &o all &ay e ery &ay# (anny They &on)t ha e to# They =,st li e o++ the contract# They)ll &o whate er it ta.es not to ha e to sit an& tal. to the /e/%ers on the phone# (To *ary! Sit &own# *ary No# (&e leans over the desk and pushes some papers off (anny)s desk. (anny rises and the two begin shoving over the desk. Ale8, (arrell, Melo&y and @ynne intervene#! (arrell C,t it o,t, yo, two# -o, want to get ,s thrown o,t o+ the %,il&ing, too' @ynne

127

What happene&' *ary Nothing# (anny (Sits! The partners +o,n& o,t a%o,t o,r si&e %,siness# We)re &one# *ary Sshhh 1 (anny What' We)re all +rien&s here# @ynne One o+ the /e/%ers tol&' (anny That)s what we hear# @ynne 2ow &o yo, .now it was one o+ the /e/%ers' (Melo&y starts to pull (arrell back out into the hall. She begins slow dancing with (arrell even as he tries to listen.! *ary Mel ha& /eetings with ,s an& tol& ,s# This is %eing sent to McMillion +or an in estigation# @ynne

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An in estigation %y who' (anny Who .nows' So/e co/pany o,t o+ O.laho/a# Ale8 Ollie %etter watch o,t# $+ $ see hi/ o,t on the street a+ter this $)ll tear his +at hea& o++# @ynne Which /e/%er' *ary $ &on)t .now# $t co,l& ha e %een any%o&y# @ynne May%e it was 7,ality control# (anny, Ale8 Who' @ynne I,ality control# 3 ery so o+ten so/eone +ro/ corporate will call a pro i&er +ir/ with a phony hypothetical an& see how we &o o,r =o%, ren&er help, &eli er the pro&,ct# They rate ,s Title One attorneys in&i i&,ally an& the +ir/ gets rate& as a whole# ()ause! $t)s in the contract# Ale8 The +,c.ing contract#

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*ary Who rea&s the thing' (anny $) e rea& it# $ .now parts o+ it er%ati/# *ary Well, great# @ot o+ goo& the contract &oes ,s now# While yo, all are +eeling so .nowle&gea%le a%o,t o,r c,rrent pre&ica/ent, there)s so/ething that pro%a%ly escape& yo,r notice# @ynne What' *ary (o yo, people .now why $ was hire& here at C,rtis, $srael 0 A%ra/son' Ale8 To sit an& listen to losers whine all &ay# (anny To help people# @ynne To a&/inister the contract# *ary

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-es, ()oints at Ale8! no, ()oints his middle finger at (anny! /ay%e# (points at @ynne! B,t there originally was another reason# @ynne What' *ary $ was hire& to spy on all o+ yo,# (All stare blankly at *ary for a moment, then !lackout! Act $$$ Scene Three (*ary sits in his office, feet up on his desk. No one else is on stage. (eath enters from up C# &e is tall and sepulchral, in his 23s, and wears wire0rim glasses. &e is dressed in business attire. *ary remains seated casually with feet up.! *ary $)/ sorry, are yo, loo.ing +or so/eone' (eath -es, $ a/# *ary A lawyer'

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(eath $ loo. +or /any lawyers# To&ay $ happen to %e loo.ing +or yo,# Mr# *ary We%%, is it not' (&e removes a gun from the breast pocket of his suit and a silencer from his pocket, begins screwing on the silencer.! *ary $ thin. yo,)re /a.ing a /ista.e# $ 1 (eath Nope, no /ista.e# *ary Who are yo,' (eath $ &on)t thin. it /atters, %,t yo, can call /e Con# Con @ister# $)/ sec,rity, McMillion *lo%al 3nterprises, assigne& to i/ple/ent Agen&a Twenty:One# *ary Agen&a Twenty:One' -o,)re +ro/ the ho/e o++ice' $)/ getting o,t o+ here> (&e rises, Con fires the gun and *ary grasps his left kneecap and screams. &e falls to the ground. ! Con (Nonchalantly! That)s what $ li.e to see# (o $ ha e yo,r attention now' ()ause, as Con listens to *ary scream for help.! Screa/ all yo, want# The +loor has %een cleare&# -o,r +rien&s, (anny an& Ale8, ha e %een ter/inate& +or iolating the contract# -o, are a special case, Mr# We%%# (i& yo, thin. yo, co,l& get away with what yo, &i&'

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(*ary reaches for the phone. Con kicks *ary)s arm away and yanks the cord from the wall. *ary grasps his knee and, in obvious pain, manages to sit up beside his desk. &e comports himself ,ust well enough to speak. ! *ary There)s going to %e %,il&ing sec,rity ,p here in a%o,t thirty secon&s# Con Who' That +at g,y who sleeps on his stool all &ay &ownstairs an& &oes wor& search p,??les' Please# (*ary screams, and Con en,oys himself for a moment.! -o, .now what' This is going to %e a /essy s,ici&e# *ary S,ici&e' -o, 1 shot /e in the .nee> An&, an& 1 $)/ still ali e 1 an& 1 Con Soon# (*ary reali4es Con is going to kill him. &e rises and limps pitifully toward Con, who fills the space in the doorway. *ary swipes at Con, who fends off the blow with his gun hand. *ary swipes with his right hand, but Con parries the blow and then pushes *ary over with his gun hand, aims the gun and shoots *ary# *ary grasps the other knee.! There# A /atching set> (Con looks around the office, picks up ob,ects and books aimlessly.! (o yo, want to hear /ore i/pro%a%le e ents' -o,r +rien& (arrell is getting a pro/otion# O,r e8ec,ti es sleep all &ay an& roll into the o++ice aro,n& three# $t)s his &rea/ =o%# We /a&e @ynne a

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partner +or e8posing yo,r little sca/, e en tho,gh we .new +ro/ s,r eillance# She has a great legal /in&# S,?ette' She t,rne& yo, in# -o, co,l&n)t han&le the %etrayal an& the heartache, so yo, shot yo,rsel+ in the hea&# *ary No>

Con We can spin this any way we want' (i& yo, thin. yo, co,l& tell people the tr,th' -o, were here to help ,s help the/# No one wante& to hear that political shit# $+ so/eone wante& to /a.e a +ast %,c. with so/e phony +all &own, or got rippe& o++ %y so/e sca/ artist, yo, gi e the/ a %an& ai&# B,t no, yo, ha& to t,rn cr,sa&er on ,s# This is how we &eal with cr,sa&ers# !lackout Then, a gunshot. :urtain The *nd

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