(up)rooted I was raised in the mountains of rural, southern Appalachia in a family with a long history of roots in the area,

and in the farm house that my father was born in, along with his 6 older siblings. My familys connection to past lives and interactions in the area fosters encouragement to adhere to traditional southern values some of which I find incredibly refreshing and liberating, like striving to live off of the land, finding pleasure in the little things, walking outside in bare feet, and learning to fix things on my own. However, these values accompany others which I find to be incredibly stifling in the formation of my individual identity. In terms of performance of gender and sexuality, encouraged values for young ladies such as myself include: abstinence and/or complete discretion in terms of sexual acts and desires; self-sacrifice in terms of human relationships, especially among family and intimate relationships; deferral of internal impulses and desires to those of others; and being strong physically, but with greater emphasis on possessing a strong moral-compass. These values have caused me to often repress my desires and even needs, to feel shame towards my body and bodily acts, and to value the experiences and perspectives of others above my own. In my current educational and artistic endeavors exploring feminist and queer theories my background puts me in an awkward position. I have therefore strived to distance myself from southern values in order to embody the values that I desire to reflect: honesty and openness in relation to my wants, needs, and desires; pride and confidence in my individual perspective; and the ability to negotiate those things in a healthy manner in relation to others. So this process has been a bodily exploration of how to navigate between ideal expectations I have of myself and how I actually tend to move and communicate in the world. The most significant bit of wisdom that I have discovered through this process, is my need to give myself space to be where I am. I cannot erase an entire history of embodied silence and deference just by reading books, listening to lectures, doing research, or even strongly believing in a new set of values I need to give myself space and time to re-negotiate respectful interactions with others while maintaining a healthy relationship to myself.