December 3, 2013 Hope Oje Northeastern University 1155 Tremont St. o!

b"ry #rossin$, %& 02120

Dear Hope, The 'irst sentence o' yo"r (ra't is sme))y as a)) hec*. +Sorry to be so b)"nt, b"t , can-t preach abo"t .n$'ish i' ,-m ')o"n(erin$ in its sca)y cr"tches myse)'/ 0o"r (ra't be$ins s1ampe( 1ith the stench o' .n$'ish. That intro2sentence so"n(s so man"'act"re( that the persona) to"ches yo" thre1 in to ma*e it more re)atab)e seem a1*1ar()y o"t o' p)ace. 3"t a'ter that sentence the intro2para$raph is act"a))y rea))y $oo(. , can see a persona)ity shinin$ thro"$h the 1or(s. 4hen yo" say 51e)), , a)so...6 an( yo" ma*e a jo*e abo"t the prescriptivist v. (escriptivists there is a comica) se)' presente( 'or the a"(ience to see. 4hi)e , tota))y $et that startin$ o"t a paper 1ith a concise i(ea that sti)) e!"(es that p)ay'") tone o' the )ater sentences is rea))y (i''ic")t, , 7m s"re yo" can 'in( a 1ay to sho1 yo"r persona)ity ri$ht o'' the bat. ,' , 1ere yo" , 1o")( stay a1ay 'rom 5To say that6 in the '"t"re, it-s trite... 0o"r secon( para$raph is very $oo(. , sti)) $et yo"r persona)ity thro"$h the entire thin$, ho1ever ("rin$ the thir( para$raph yo" )ose me a$ain. Startin$ the thir( sentence 1ith 51e))6 is a $oo( in'orma) 1ay to en$a$e an a"(ience o' yo"r peers...b"t this is the secon( time yo"-ve "se( it. Try to s1itch "p the se$"es. The rest o' that para$raph seems to be )ac*in$ the persona)ity yo" sho1e( me in the 'irst t1o. ,ts sti)) $oo( b"t the )ast sentence co")( (e'inite)y "se some 'i!in$. 58or the most part69 rea))y9 that (oesn-t so"n( )i*e anyone , *no1. 3ac* on trac* 1ith the ne!t para$raph tho"$h: ;"ttin$ yo"r o1n story in there 1ith yo"r o1n 'r"stration a))o1s me to "n(erstan( yo"r vie1 'rom a more persona) stan(point. The be$innin$ o' the 'o"rth co")( probab)y be better b"t 1hen yo" snap bac* at 1a))ace near the en( that is $o)(: The 'o))o1in$ para$raph is a)so a $reat anec(ote to $et the a"(ience to "n(erstan( yo"r vie1. 0o"r conc)"(in$ para$raph is $oo( in the sense that , can here yo"r passion. The on)y thin$ that stan(s o"t as 'ishy is yo"r choice o' 1or(s 1hen sayin$ 5,n that passa$e6. ,m s"re yo" can (o better. </

Sincere)y yo"rs,

#onner Sno1