How to co-exist with roommates Submitted by a Group of 6 Bradford, Barbara Cabalquinto, Candace Green, Nick Jenson, Erik Noyce,

Stephanie Pal, Judie Salt Lake Community College COMM 1010-083-F13 November 6, 2013

Table of Contents

Executive Summary Project Description Methods Problem Question Analyzing the Problem Setting Criteria Brainstorming Solutions Analyzing Solutions Implementing the Solution Conclusion Works Cited Appendices Appendix 1: Team Contract Appendix 2: Comparison Chart Appendix 3: Participation Points

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Executive Summary When several people live together under one roof, be it family, friends, or strangers, problems will arise which may cause bad feelings towards each other. This report, completed by our group for our group project, addresses this problem and reports our findings and solution. The reflective thinking sequence, created by John Dewey, was used in our quest to find this resolution. As a group, we agreed on our topic and defined the problem, creating an open ended question: What is the best way to co-exist under one roof without damaging relationships in the process. We then analyzed the problem, discussing and doing research if necessary, on: the possible parties involved, resources available to address the problem, characteristics of the situation, and others successes and failures who were in a similar position. Pertinent criteria were established and then matched against ideas from a brainstorming session of possible solutions. The best solution was chosen and re-evaluated after contingencies were brought up and discussed. Our solution for problems facing family and/or roommates is to establish house rules with every member involved in the decision making. Housemates should be cooperative, honest, and calm as problems are discussed and rules made to address these problems. Our report goes into detail as to each members responsibility in this solution, and handling the continuation of problems. Making house rules, cooperation, compromise, and communication are the keys to making to making any living arrangement work.

Project Description Living with extended family and roommates can cause conflicts, tension and even ruin relationships. These tensions can be caused by financial issues and individuals feeling like they do more than their fair share. One of our group members is currently facing these conflicts with her household members. She wants to find a way to resolve the issue while maintaining family relationships. She wants it to be fair for everyone living in her household. We used tactics and different communication strategies that we learned from our text and videos from our COMM 1010 class to brainstorm solutions for our teammate s situation. We required everyone in our group to participate and contribute to these brainstorming sessions. After 5 meetings we have created a solution that we believe suits our teammates situation the best. It will not disrupt family relationships and is fair to everyone in the household. Methods Part I: Problem Question What is the best way to co-exist under the same roof with family or friends without damaging relationships in the process? Part II: Analyzing the Problem Characteristics: Positive aspects of having roommates: You will have more money for luxury items that you may not be able to afford otherwise. More times than not, there is someone to spend time with. There are others to help you in times of need. There is safety in numbers. Its nice to have someone to come home to. There is more stability financially and emotionally. Everyone has a chore/responsibility for something in the house. You can expect to have to follow some rules when you live with others. Negative aspects of having roommates: When you live with family or friends there is a lack of privacy. You share the cost for utilities, food, toiletry items, weekly chores, and there is the possibility they will ask you for money. Disagreements can happen over a difference of opinion. There is less time to yourself. You may get tired of seeing the same old faces day in and out. Sometimes, you can feel like you are stepping on each others toes. At times it may lead to the destruction of relationships. Someones stuff will be lying around and appear as though your home is messy. Stakeholders:

Landlord: Many people such as significant others are living in a residence in which they are not on the lease. This can be a liability for the owner if they are not abiding by the health department or the law. Disagreement concerning who is responsible to pay certain bills may ultimately affect the landlord if he does not get the funds in time because the roommates could not agree. Individuals on Lease: Those who are on the lease will be held accountable when it comes to paying rent and utilities. If additional people are allowed to live in the residence, they must be certain to pay their share or the original tenant may have to pay for their share. Friends/Significant others: They may feel they should not have to contribute as much, causing more tension among the other roommates. History and Background: Solutions that have been tried are talking with the roommate in question before the situation gets out of hand. Try to keep the disagreement between the two people and dont involve other members of the household. Early intervention works best before problems get out of hand. Try to resolve conflicts, not humiliate roommates or convince them they have issues. Bring in a mediator to resolve the conflict. Sometimes landlords should be involved and asked for help in finding a solution. Ask in non-confrontational way and remain calm. This works for both parties involved. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree. These are solutions that anyone can use. Unfortunately, sometimes things get out of hand and dont work for either party. There are some friends and family that end relationships due to bad living situations. Most of us can relate to living with family and friends. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is hard. Polices/Politics: Signing a lease with expectations and bills, making sure that all the parties involved understand. Figure out if your roommate has the same values as you do. (Drugs, alcohol, etc.) Respecting other roommates views, opinions, beliefs, etc. You could have meetings with each other about how the living situation is going. (Ways to improve, changes, etc.) Have integrity and be honest about mistakes or troubles one is going through if that is the case.

We think the key with our topic is being ethical-- you want someone to be upfront and honest with you. If a bill is not paid there are serious consequences. All roommates must be comfortable with sleepovers and parties. If someone has a party, maybe having only 5 instead of 20 people coming over will make the other roommate happier. We think that by communicating and having rules in place, a common middle ground can be reached in most situations and problems.

Resources: Communicating at Work, Ronald B. Alder, Jeanne Marquardt Elmhorst: This is a great resource for characteristics and strategies for effective communication that can be used to help guide meetings and relations with regard to our situation. Parents and elder family or friends: We believe that these people are a great resource because many of them have experienced similar situations throughout their lives. Their experiences can show us what has worked and what has also failed in the past. Learning from others experience is one of the greatest resources we can always look toward. As Benjamin Franklin said, Experience keeps a dear school, but Fools will learn in no other. 1743 B. Franklin Poor Richard's Almanack (Dec.) CC&Rs for neighborhood: The Codes, Conditions and Restrictions are written as general rules for ones neighborhood. This may be a good resource or exhibit to bring into the issue, as there are already rules that may be written for the home or property in question. These rules can help state what parking, hours of activity etc. are acceptable to the area. These may be rules that the residents may use to help enforce their own household rules since the other residents in the community may hold those in your household accountable. Internet: There are many web sites that offer suggestions or tips for multiple family households. After researching this topic, we have found that this situation is on the rise in the United States. As economies have struggled and single-family incomes have been on the decline, many families and close friends have taken to living together to manage a single household. We have found one site in particular that has some interesting tips for living and managing what is actually a small community. www.reducethechaos.com offers Household Guidelines for Multi Family Living as well as instructions for Organizing for Multi Family Living. These may be used 3rd party templates that you can use as a foundation for meeting with the individuals in the household. 3rd party resource materials can be a great tool as they can be trusted by all parties not to be bias as they are created by an outside-uninterested party.

Part III: Criteria Our solution should: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Preserve the household relationship as a whole. Preserve parent/child relationships. Preserve couple relationships. Spread financial burden among household members. Be practical. Not alienate any one person (avoid feelings of being picked on). Not be too difficult to implement. Be democratic, including all members in decision-making.

9. 10. 11.

Spread compromise among all members, so everyone feels the give and take of a solution. Have a positive tone, knowing that compliance will bring a for the good of the family teamwork type of attitude. Incorporate communication concepts learned in class.

Part IV: Brainstorming Solutions 1. Have a group meeting involving everyone. Establish rules and boundaries that fit everyones current situation and try to make it equal. Use logic to explain why it is fair. 2. Call a meeting and see what each persons expectations and rules are. 3. Do nothing, maybe the problem will fix its self. 4. Write a lease explaining the rules and what will happen if someone violates these rules 5. Meet with each roommate individually in a public place so no one interferes 6. Run the house as a Dictatorship

Part V: Analyzing Solutions Final Solution After discussing, brainstorming, and analyzing solutions we chose one solution to implement which we believe suits the situation and fit the criteria. We believe that solution number 1 best fit our criteria established, and had the best chance to fix our problem question. The appendix below will describe our analysis of each brainstorming solution and ranking that was decided upon. Contingencies: 1. Everyone in the household may be involved in a single issue. This may cause a problem as there may not be someone who could listen objectively to help. We think this problem could be helped by assigning someone within the household to facilitate objectively in these situations. 2. There may come a time when an individual may refuse to follow the rules agreed upon. We think it may be necessary to create an eviction clause within the

agreement signed by the group so that in these instances, people who refuse the rules can be asked to leave by a majority decision. 3. Changes in expenses or living arrangements may arise. There should be a method built into the agreement by which the group can discuss changes in expenses and/or arrangements. As a collective there should be an opportunity to amend the whole agreement with a majority vote. 4. A group member could abruptly leave the household, disrupting the distribution of expenses and household responsibilities. This may be helped by the method used above in number 3. It would be helpful to the household if regular meetings were held with the group to let everyone know if there are any future changes that can be expected. In these meetings the individuals in the group would have an opportunity to weigh in on the division of responsibilities and expenses. If the need arises, the assigned facilitator can step in to objectively help all parties to achieve a fair solution. With regular meetings, the individuals in the group would get used to managing these issues fairly and should, over a short time, relieve some of the groups regular stresses.

Part VI: Implementing the Solution: Everyone in the household needs to be flexible, be willing to compromise, be honest about their feelings, try to listen and understand the other person's perspective, be fair and cooperative, stay calm and choose their language wisely. Rules will be put in place and each individual will be required to follow them. If an individual does not follow the rules, a private meeting will be held to address the problems. Weekly meetings will be held with all members to see if any living arrangements or income might change. It would also be an opportunity for members to voice their opinion and change a rule with majority decision. If the problem still exists, the last resort would be to make the individual leave with a majority rule. Communication is the key to making to making any living arrangement work.

Conclusion Living with extended family/roommates has benefits, but it has headaches too. Some members of the household might not want to do certain things or they feel like they are putting in more than their fair share. Its important to establish rules and communicate with eachother. Open communication at meetings and the ability to express feelings to each other will eliminate many problems. Rules are important, but being able to live with each other requires communication. Communication is the key.

Works Cited 1. Adler,R. and Elmhorst, J. (2011). Communicating at Work: SLCC Custom Edition. New York: McGraw Hill. 2. Mayfield, Susan. "Virtual Office Assistant Services." Reduce the Chaos. Wordpress, n.d. Web. 13 Nov. 2013.

Appendix 1: Team Contract Develop Relational Norms (3 or more) (see Table 7-4) 1. We commit to be a participating, helpful member of our team. 2. We will be open to each member's ideas and suggestions. 3. We will be understanding of each other's commitments out of class, but still make a concentrated effort to be successful in our project. 1. Since our group is a virtual group, each communication will be cc'd to the entire team so members know what is going on at all times. 2. We will be prepared for each meeting. 3. We will give our completed assignments and tasks to those compiling information in a timely manner. 1. Participation Encouragers Stephanie N. & Barbara B. 2. Harmonizer Judie P. 3. Tension-Reliever Nick G. 4. Praise-giver Candace C. 5. Empathic Listener Erik J. 1. Devils Advocate - Nick G. & Candace C. 2. Direction-giver Erik J. 3. Summarizer Judie P. 4. Reality-tester Stephanie N. 5. Information/opinion seeker Barbara B.

Develop Task Norms (3 or more) (see Table 7-4)

Assign Relational Roles (see Table 7-2) You may assign multiple roles to members. Assign Task Roles (see Table 7-2) You may assign a leader [recommended] or rotate leadership.

Appendix 2 Solution Chart Solution 1 Criterion 1 Criterion 2 Criterion 3 Criterion 4 Criterion 5 Criterion 6 Criterion 7 Criterion 8 Criterion 9 Criterion 10 Totals: 3 5 3 4 4 5 4 5 5 5 43 Solution 2 5 5 5 2 4 5 5 5 0 5 41 Solution 3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Solution 4 1 1 4 3 0 0 5 0 1 0 24 Solution 5 4 4 4 3 3 0 2 1 4 4 29 Solution 6 0 0 4 3 0 4 5 0 3 0 19