Dear Summer: How are you? I hope you are havinge a lovely day.

You are my first roommate when we lived together in the White Hall. Of course, we always keep in touch with each other during the first month. However, there are still some problems I need talk to you about. You came back to the dorm at 1:00 am yesterday. Then you took a shower for about half an hour. After that, I was not able to sleep at all. This is the third time in a week you did something like this. I am really upset this because I have an 8:00 am class. Almost every morning I feel very tired in class because I did not have enough sleep the night before. Sometimes I really do not understand why you always come back so late when you have classes in morning. You always oversleep and end up came coming in late to classes because you went to bed very late the night before. To be frank, I do not want to judge you because of your own lifestyle. But you do not live alone because both of us share the room. So, I think you should respect me. I hope you could come back a little bit earlier because it would be good for both of us. Thus, you and I could have a good sleep and we do would not feel tired in the next morning. I do not remember how many times I told you to not smoke in the dorm. But you still do not listen to me. Yesterday, when I finished classes to go back to the dorm, I found some unfinished cigarettes in our room which made me upset. I do not like this kind of smell at all because it really makes me feel sick. You need to realize that when you smoke, I experience second hand smoking. Now, I am kind of worried about developing a health problem. We just share a room; I hope you can understand me, please give both of us clean and fresh air in the dorm. By the way, you can go outside to take a break which is good for both of us. Last weekend, I borrowed the vacuum to clean our floor. Then I washed all of the clothes. And also, I cleaned the trash bin and threw away our trash. I also cleaned your desk and ordered your books. It took me about four hours to finish all of these things. I hope we could have a clean room to live in. But you mess everything up again when you coame back. Firstly, you put your backpack on the desk. So, you just made all of the books into mess. Then, you threw your shirt on the bed. Last, you start to smoke. At that moment, I really do not know what I should say. So, I just took my books to study in the library. Summer, I hope you could think about these things. I am always your friend. And I do not want these things to destroy our relationship. But if you still do something like these things, I will just change a roommates because I do not have other choices. Xiuzhu Chen

Comment [AP1]: Is this relevant? Comment [AP2]: Isnt this her problem? Not really yours? Comment [AP3]: Okay, so you seem to be adopting a diplomatic tone here.

Comment [AP4]: Good, I like the logical reasoning here.

Comment [AP5]: Including her clothes?

Rhetorical Analysis To write a compliment letter, in my opinion, I need to write some true story to convince my audience. This is why I just picked this one to write about. I hope this true story can make my audience feel like they had the same kind of experience in their life. If my audience can relate to the experience in my story, then I will be able to communicate with them better. When I wrote this compliment letter, I thought I needed to write about three specific things. The first one is that Summer always came back late. What happened when she came back late? That is the key point to describe my complaint. Do I need to describe my personal feelings when I was woken by the noise? Of course, I should do it. The aAudience could have the same kind feelings as I do when I write about my experience more specificity. I feel bad when I do not have enough sleep the night before. But Summer always came back late to disturb my sleep which made me very upset. The second one, is that Summer often smoked in our room which I cannot stand at all. Smoking is unhealthy or I just cannot tolerate this kind of smell. And last thing I needed to describe how Summer does not respect my work. I need to write down how many things I finished and how many hours it took me to finish them. People who read my story could understand why I am so upset with Summer. She messed everything when she came back. I feel sad because she did not care about my work. Definitely, these three points are very important to me. I should write them down very specificityspecifically. In the paragraphs I would like to talk about my personal feelings about these things. I experienced these kinds of things so I know I should write more about what was in mind at that time. It can make the story vivid. For example, I cannot sleep at all when Summer took a shower at 1:00 am. I was very upset because it was the third time she did something like this. And also it
Comment [AP8]: What do you mean by this? Can you be more specific about your specificity? If that makes sense. Comment [AP7]: I feel like you are just rehashing the complaint letter as opposed to discussing specific rhetorical choices youve made and why youve made them. Comment [AP6]: Would you ever tell an untrue story? What are you implying here?

can give audience a chance to imagine the real situation. I tried to write this letter in a narrative form. There are two reasons to use the narrative way. One is that this is a compliment letter. It is focused on my personal negative feelings. I want to complain something about Summer. And the other is that I want to tell my audience the true story. I could describe this story more specificspecifically by using narrative way. So, using narrative form is much better than other writing forms. During writing, I also care about how to use proper words. The first thing I keep kept in mind, I need more words to describe time. You came back to the dorm at 1:00 am. Then you took a shower for about half an hour. And all of these things took me about four hours. Number plays a great role in this letter. It could give my audience a more specific view of this story. For example, Summer came back dorm very late and she took a long time shower. My aAudience could imagine what happened during that time. They could start to think about the three stories in their minds. And I like using the model word, such as would, could, and can. These kinds of words are more polite, because Summer and I are still good friends. I do not want those things to destroy our friendship. Although this is a compliment letter, I should not be rude and should try to stay polite. In the end of the compliant letter, I hope Summer could come back earlier than before and do not smoke in dorm and respect my work. If she still keeps her way, I may think I should change a roommate. I should give her a period of time to change these things because changing a habit is very difficult to everyone. Also, Summer and I still are very good friends and I do not want destroy our friendship because of these things. Xiuzhu,
Comment [AP12]: Good. I really like the specific examples you discuss here. Comment [AP11]: Your audience is Summer right? So why not just use her name? Comment [AP9]: Okay, so the narrative form lends more specificity. But why is specificity so important? Comment [AP10]: Try to stay in the same verb tense throughout. I think past works best here because you are talking about something youve already done, right?

I think you have a very interesting and worthwhile complaint here. I think you do a good job explaining your point of view in a very salient and comprehensive way. Your essay shows a thoughtful reflection on your writing process and the writing itself. You gain this by the specificity in your conversation. However, there are times when I feel as though you could have been more clear about what exactly you meant, terms undefined. Ive noted a few of these instances in the margins. Also, there are moments in your writing where your grammar and sentence structures are imperfect. Notably, with respect to your verb tense. I would recommend trying the Writing Resources Center upon submitting a final draft.