Larson Barden ENG111 9/9/13 Of all the things in a lifetime we encounter, everything is su !ect to a !udgment, whether it is !

oy, criticism, or hatred" #ate $h%t& is a feeling of 'assionate or intense disli(e for $someone or something&" )his sim'le four letter word has a very large im'act, eing a word rooted in a solute discontent and de'lore" *or eing such a devastating word, 'eo'le of all ages uses hate as an everyday word to descri e their disli(es, whether it e human or animal, 'al'a le or not" #atred is a necessary evil, however+ it is a natural human emotion and action everyone does throughout their life, (nowingly or not" ,hen - a out four, - vividly remem er wa(ing u' around midnight from a sound slee'" .n am ulance was s'eeding y in the distance, sirens 'iercing through the silence of the night" .s - tried to get comforta le once again to fall ac( aslee', - had an untimely urge to need the athroom" /o, - ti'0toe my way toward the athroom, avoiding all the crea(y s'ots in the floor and arrive at the athroom door" - turn the light on and wal( towards the toilet and notice a rather large lac( figure on the wall under the windowsill ne1t to the toilet" - move closer to ins'ect this alien creature, ta(ing notice of its unusual amount of legs and uni2ue ody structure" Before - get a chance to relieve myself, the creature then olts u' the wall, around the windowsill and out of my view" )his a solutely terrified me, ecause, in my mind, a creature of that si3e should a solutely not e a le to move at those god0li(e s'eeds4 this had red flags going off in my mind and - immediately answered to my instincts y urgently wal(ing out of the athroom, turning the light off, maneuvering through the living room, getting ac( in the chair - fell aslee' in, and trying to go ac( to slee', ultimately waiting until morning to use the athroom in ho'es that the demonic creature - had encountered had left y then" -t wasn5t until 6nd grade that - truly

understood what - had seen that night" 7uring the science 'ortion of this 'articular day, we had oo(s a out certain ugs and we were to do a grou' 'ro!ect on the ug we as a grou' chose" .s shuffled through the oo(s, - came across a oo( with a tarantula staring straight into my soul with the title 8/'iders9 la eled latantly a ove its eight eyes" - had instinctively fallen out of my chair to avoid any further contact with that oo( or its contents" *rom that 'oint in my life onward, - a solutely hate s'iders or anything remotely re'resenting their figure of any si3e, color, sha'e, or ehavior, including everyday normal ugs $from time to time&" Granted - have arachno'ho ia, ut there5s something a out s'iders that instantly drives me to avoid their 'resence if - do s'ot one" #owever, once the fear has dissi'ated, it is then re'laced y an irrational hatred for their e1istence" )his ty'e of hatred - have for s'iders is uni2ue in the way that every single thing a out them drives my hate for them and my wish to eliminate them+ their ody structure, their movements, even their 'resence4 if s'iders were e1tinct from the 'lanet Earth, there wouldn5t e any com ination of words in English to descri e the ecstasy - would e in (nowing those satanic easts are no longer" Of course, there are things you can5t s2uish with a shoe or always control that sear a urning im'ression of dis'leasure" /'ecifically, -5m referring to when - was around 11 or 16 years old and 'laying unhealthy amounts of video games even then" .s a 160year0old oy, my grand'arents recogni3ed the fact that someone of my age should not e 'laying those 8 loody shoot5em u' (illing games,9 so - was restricted to racing games" - acce'ted this and rose to the ran(s in one of my favorite games, :idnight ;lu ---+ 7<B Edition =emi1, des'ite one of my worst e1'eriences eing in this same game" .s - got to a out >?@ com'lete through this game, got to the last race of this series of races efore more were unloc(ed, and the cars ne1t to me at the starting line were Aagani Bondas, a su'ercar - hadn5t unloc(ed yet" - didn5t let this intimidate

me, since - elieved to have the su'erior s(ill4 however, - was une1'ectedly and rutally outclassed" )hese ;A<s in their Aaganis had to easily have een going 1CC :A# in under 3 seconds off the starting line and - couldn5t (ee' u'" 8.re you seriousDE #ow do they e1'ect me to eat this game if they (ee' doing cra' li(e this to meE9 .fter ta(ing every shortcut, e1'ertly curving around every corner, and sitting as close as - could to the )F without getting astigmatism, the race always came down to the final straightaway" Every single time - had the finish line in my view, there was always a ;A< in their Aagani to instantly slingshot themselves around my :c;laren *1 L: and eat me at the a solute last second with all of my concentration and s(ill 'oured into this single race" )his monotonous cycle of incredi ly infuriating defeats had left me nearly foaming at the mouth with hatred for these god0li(e ;A<s with their severe advantage, almost as if the game itself was cheating me from an inevita le victory ecause (new - had the s(ill and e1'erience necessary to win this race" )his same cycle continued for almost an hour, until - had reali3ed that s'inning out the car that was 'assing me at the end was the only other way to get 1st 'lace" )he first time - did this, it wor(ed e1ce't for the fact that there was another car that had slingshot 'ast me and won" )his almost had me rea( the disc, des'ite this only occurring once out of chance" But, once - finally had !ust the ;A< and - on the straightaway efore anyone else came around the corner, - too( my chea' shot, s'un him out, and crossed the finish line loo(ing at a 'lume of smo(e in the rear0view mirror" )o my sur'rise, winning this race unloc(ed the same car that the ;A< racers - had grown to des'ise and dominate" )his (ind of hatred is layered and only feeds me more motivation to decimate whatever o stacle lay in my 'ath, (nowing -5m ca'a le of victory, at any cost" :y hatred for things has grown to e more res'onsive to more than !ust 'es(y ugs or unfair digital com'etition, and has een es'ecially true to its form when e1'ressed for another

human eing" -n this 'articular instance, she5ll remain unnamed, as to avoid a 'ossi le lawsuit for slander if she ever comes across this 'a'er" #ow she and - met was sim'le enough, she rode the us with a friend on my us route and she as(ed me, 8,hy are you sitting all aloneE9 e1'lain that -5m not a morning 'erson and - en!oy solitude with my music to wa(e u'" 8.re you singleE9 she as(ed to my sur'rise" - res'onded 8yes"9 8,ell, you seem li(e a really nice guy" -5d 'ro a ly date you if - weren5t ta(en already,9 she informed me with a smile" :y life5s largest regret was ever 'ursing her with that (nowledge" .s we tal(ed for a out a wee( or two after that, she o'ened u' to me and e1'lained that her current oyfriend $who shall remain unnamed& was all feely0gra y on her and she didn5t li(e it" #e refused to sto' even though she said 8No, sto'"9 /o, - suggest, as any other logical human eing would, to rea( u' with him" /he re'lies 8No, that5d e mean to do that to him and my mom would get u'set with me"9 - should5ve (nown there was something seriously wrong with this sad e1cuse for a human eing right then and there, ut ecause - was stuc( with the stu'id 'ursuit of stu'id love, - tried to hel' her even further" - went out of my own way to get a /(y'e account and the iAod a'' to tal( to her to ma(e her ha''y" Every day for two wee(s, the e1act same routine+ wa(e u', res'ond to her, eat rea(fast, res'ond to her, go ac( to my room, /(y'e anywhere from 10G hours, attem't to go onto my com'uter to chec( Hou)u e and *ace oo( only to get interru'ted y her again, give an e1cuse for her to leave me alone, get a /(y'e call from her, answer it and ite my tongue from telling her off ecause she had a solutely no good reason to further distract me from my own time, ignore her until after - ta(e a shower around 9 '"m" that day, 'rom'tly sto' ignoring her so she wouldn5t down a whole ottle of )ylenol with Grey Goose out of de'ression, tell her -5m going to slee' and message me in the morning, and re'eat" /he also o no1iously 'layed Lin(in Aar( and )hree 7ays Grace while on /(y'e, which she (new - didn5t li(e, and - now hate

listening to them ecause they5re reminders of her" :y moment of clarity to rea( this insuffera le cycle came at 3 a"m", when she 8couldn5t slee' and wanted someone to tal( to"9 /o, who5s a etter candidate than me at 3 a"m" when -5m 'erfectly aslee' on an early /unday morningE - hear my iAod screech ne1t to my head with the /(y'e call notification, which may as well een a tornado siren with the wrath - unleashed when the call connected" 8,hat the hell are you calling me for, nowE9 /he gas'ed as if she5s sur'rised that -5m eyond enraged at 3 a"m" y eing rudely awa(ened" 8- !ust wanted to tal(D ,hy do you hate me so much right nowE9 she re'lied, so innocently" 8Because, -5m trying to slee' for ;hrist5s sa(eD 7on5t other te1ting or /(y'ing me ac( ecause -5m done dealing with you" /o go on, cry a out it some more and threaten to (ill yourself li(e you always do to me, and once you finally decide on it, don5t other writing a note+ no one will read it anyway"9 - said as - hung u' the call" - then turned off my iAod, la'to', and even my internet modem to ensure that - would never have to deal with her for the remainder of the night" )he ne1t day - wo(e u', feeling li(e - had gained a freedom" Later that day, as - sat in the living room watching )F, - hear the home 'hone ring and my stomach san( as - saw her last name a''ear on the caller -7" - un'lugged the 'hone line from the wall and e1'lained to my grand'arents why -5ve een acting so irrational lately" )his (ind of hatred - have for her is still lively to this day, a hatred so strong that eing held indirectly res'onsi le for a death would e gladly welcomed if it meant that no one would have to e1'erience the relentless and infinite communication4 this is my unadulterated hatred that is awarded to the most 'itiful wastes of human life the world could ever witness" .nswering to her made my life an a solute hell that -5ll never forgive nor forget her for, des'ite eing my own stu'id fault" Oh yeah, I guess I was really the one who got myself into that, wasnt I? Man, me and my ability to screw up any chance to get a girlfriend, huh? God, Im pathetic; the only way I ever

get to talk to anyone Id like to date is through acebook, and even then they dont respond! "ont you get the message yet? Its hopeless# $ust give up, theres nothing for you# If you wouldve done something earlier on in your inactive life, maybe youd grab a girls attention without having an an%iety attack if they think youre insecure or a no&life# I mean anything# 'ure, (ittle (eague was good for you then in )lementary school, even though you were there to stand in the outfield for * hours at a time only to get swept because youre on the mediocre team every time# +hy didnt you do football, soccer, even learning chess wouldve been fine# ,ut of course, you had to have spent all your time and attention to -u&Gi&Oh# .ards and how close you could to your crush during lunch because youre too much of a wimp to even look her in the eye# It didnt stop in )lementary school either; only got worse# /he one chick that actually showed interest in you back in Middle 'chool that you liked back offered you a freebie in the bathroom of the movie theatre and you chickened out# +hy? ,ecause you were afraid of your grandparents wouldve found out? "ude, they probably thought you mightve been gay because you never talked about girls in front of them# ast forward to high school, you can count how many girlfriends youve had on one hand# 0nd, the months youve spent with each of them on the other hand# ,ut, you better take your shoes and socks off for how many times youve been put into that friend1one you hate so much# .old&hearted, alone, regretful, hate&filled; thats you# 'o, what are you left to do? 2ut on that game face of yours youve so e%pertly carved for everyone else to believe and hope that something different happens tomorrow! -ou should probably start a rap career with all these struggles in your life, be a Me%ican $ay&3 or something! -5m not schi3o'hrenic, ut this is a ty'ical self0dialogue that -5d have going on inside of my head when can5t slee' and -5m stuc( staring at the ceiling at 6+3C a"m", thin(ing a out the 'ast4 nothing ut a tons of regrets, ad memories, unsaid words, mista(es, and missed o''ortunity" - hate myself at

times li(e this ecause -5m my own worst enemy y constantly reminding me of my erroneous 'ast and - can5t esca'e my own mind so -5m stuc( to face the music" :y hatred is an e2ual0 o''ortunist, no e1ce'tions, not even me" #ate is a sim'le four letter word has a very large im'act, eing a word rooted in a solute discontent and de'lore, human, digital, or otherwise" Of all the things in a lifetime we encounter, everything is su !ect to a !udgment, whether it e !oy, criticism, or of course hatred" .s we grow older, we gain a etter 'ers'ective on what our individual definition of hatred is from our 'ersonal encounters" -t slowly gains its sha'e from eing a synonym for Idisli(e5 to a nearly une1'laina le com ination of gritting teeth, clenched fists, and endless list of un'rofessional terms and 'hrases" #atred is a natural human emotion and a necessary evil4 without it, love wouldn5t have its significance"