Atienza 1 Allen Atienza Professor Duran Educational Autobiography 4 October 2013 Lola and me

When I was young, reading was one of my favorite activities to do. I grew up here in the U.S. and life was somewhat easy for me. The reason for that was because there was someone very dear to me (besides my parents), who has cared for me and has helped me learn how to speak and read English. My lola/grandmother helped me through this process because it was tough for me to learn how to speak and write English. My grandmother was such a loving and kind person. She knew a lot of people and she would always introduce me to people around the neighborhood. Every day, I would remember that my lola would make champorado or oatmeal to wake me up in the morning. Once we were done eating, it was off to the living room and start reading books. My grandmother had one of the sweetest voices I heard at the time and that is something I will never forget. Her voice was as soft as wool and as gentle as a baby. I remember in the afternoons we would go with a family member to go shopping, grocery shopping, or just to go out. At night, if my parents were coming home late, we would watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. Later on in life, those shows would actually benefit me in learning the English language. My grandmother would use different techniques to help me learn how to speak and write English in a fun way. My grandmother helped me learn how to speak and write English by reading many children books to me. I didnt know how to read at the time because I was around the age of 2-3 years old. My grandmother would read me these stories, and she would tell me to repeat words

Atienza 2 she had read from the story. One of the books I remember reading was Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. The one line I can remember to this day while reading this story, was my grandmother telling me, Remember the dwarfs name was Doc because he was a doctor. But for me to understand what she said, she would say, Doc is a doctor. I could relate to Sofia Gomezs literacy narrative, Mother Goose in Monterey, because we both learned how to speak English though Disney. The difference between our experiences was that Gomez would watch Disney movies, while I read about them. Sofia would remember lines in Disney movies, while I would remember the whole story when I read about the stories. Over the years, my grandmother and I have read many childrens books and stories. I remember going out on a trip with my grandmother to Barnes & Noble. We didnt go to the library; we went to Barnes & Noble. To this day, I dont know why she wouldnt take me to a library, but I am still thankful for going to the book store. When we entered, she would buy a cookie for the both of us from the caf inside. The cookie from the caf was the highlight of going to Barnes & Noble. The cookie was always soft on the inside crunchy on the outside. The warmth of the chocolate chip with the cookie when you first bite in was great. We would leave the caf to go to the childrens section. We would checkout the new books or workbooks with exercises in it and do some of the activities in the workbook. Workbook activities were fun, especially when you could draw and write. Now, I know why my grandmother told me not to write in one of the workbooks at the store. We would have to pay for the book if I wrote in it. My happiness for learning was unheard of. The smile on my grandmothers face is the same smile I have when Im learning new things. M y grandmother knew how much I have progressed from before, so she helped me to start reading the childrens books.

Atienza 3 Another way my grandmother taught me how to speak and read English was to literally read everything. The first word I said and spelled was VONS. I think the reason to that was because it was a four letter word, and my family would always go to VONS to buy groceries. My grandmother and my parents were so proud of me when I said, VONS. When we got home that day, they told me to read many words and little phrases. After that, I started looking at words around the house I could read. One word that Im pretty sure many of my family members saying was TV. I was in the living room when this happened. I saw the TV and spotted the SONY logo sign on it and thought to myself, I know how to say and spell TV! I had the same feeling like when you finally get something you were having trouble with. So I quickly rushed to my parents and my grandmother, and I told them, Mom, dad, lola, I know how to spell TV! They were all amazed and asked me how to spell it. So, I spelled it as if I was in a spelling bee. I proudly said, TV. S O N Y TV!. The next thing I knew, I saw my parents and my grandmother laughing. To this day, my family members and I would have a good laugh about this moment. Another way my grandmother helped me read and write in English was to help me with my accent. I didnt have such a thick accent, but it was quite noticeable. When I entered the first grade, my parents decided to move me to a private school. At that school, many students looked and acted a lot smarter than myself. I felt that I wasnt at their level and it put me down at times. I proved my classmates wrong by being a good boy and doing all the classwork and homework assigned to us. The part that scared me the most was sharing with the whole class. The reason why I was scared wasnt because I was shy; it was because of my accent. For example, when I read a sentence stating, There were three apples in the tree. I would say, Dere were tree appols in da tree. One day, my teacher picked me to share something. Even though I was

Atienza 4 scared, I was still able to say something. I then saw my classmates hold in their laughter. When we were released for recess, I saw my classmates laugh at me. When I wanted to play kickball, the kids looked at me strangely and said, Who wants the weird speaking kid? What I saw was judgment. I saw that they judged me because of something I said and I really didnt say anything bad. From that moment, I felt like I wasnt even speaking English. I felt like I was speaking a language no one else could tell I was speaking. Like what James Baldwin wrote in If Black English Isnt a Language, Then tell Me, What Is, he talks about,when my brother, or my mother, or my father, or my sister, had to convey to me, for example, the danger in which I was standing from the white man standing just behind me, and to convey this with a speed, and in a language, that the white man could not possibly understand, and that , indeed, he cannot understand until today. (35). It was like I was speaking a different language than anyone else in the class wouldnt know, but I was speaking a universal language. I wanted to tell the class something they could understand and something they can learn from me. I wanted the exact opposite of what the boy wanted. I wanted to be heard and understood by the white man (in my case, my classmates). It was my accent that held me back, lowered my self-esteem, and ultimately put me down. I also felt like the laughing stock for the rest of the day. I felt like I was the only Filipino in the class when I said that (I wasnt the only Filipino in my class though). I felt like the student who wrote Diary 2 in The Freedom Writers Diary written overall by Erin Gruwell. The student wrote, Dear Diary, What the hell am I doing in here? Im the only white person in this English class! Im sitting in the corner of this classroom (if thats what you want to call this chaos), (The Freedom 8). Like the boy, I felt scared and lost. I was ultimately at a war for my own self being. When I came back to class, thats what I was wondering. Thoughts like,

Atienza 5 What are you doing here?, Why did I have to say something?, and I know I talk differently from other people, but was sharing something worth the laughter? all went through my head. I felt so frustrated. The first time I have felt frustrated I hated it. I looked in a mirror and I wanted to slap the accent out of me. I thought of anything violent to try to take away my anger and sorrow. When I arrived home, I stomped straight to my room. My grandmother came to me and asked what was wrong. At first I just cried because of how I felt when the kids teased me. I ultimately told her everything and she told me not to worry about it. From that day forward, she would help me say words with an American accent instead of a Filipino-American accent. We would go over some readings I had trouble with and would re-read them. My grandmother and I would watch T.V. shows like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy and she would have me read the questions and the words. I had to struggle in the class with constant teasing, but as I progressed with the accent, I was no longer teased. In this experience, I felt like I connected to Majorie Agosin in her literary narrative, Always Living in Spanish: Recovering the Familiar, through Language. We both wanted something in common and that was change. Agosin didn't want her poetry to change. Like myself, I didn't want my accent to change. But we both accepted the change when times got rough. Growing up while learning how to speak and write in English, made me feel like an insider because I was accepted by people while I was learning. Unlike when I went to school, I felt like an outsider because I was constantly teased and felt like I wasnt accepted by people while I was learning. Out of this whole experience, I feel like I had a growth mind-set. According to Carol Dwecks The Perils and Promises of Praise, she writes about a growth mindset, in the growth mind-set, students care about learning. When they make a mistake or exhibit a deficiency, the correct it. For them, effort is a positive thing: It ignites their intelligence

Atienza 6 and causes it to grow. I had a growth mind-set when I wanted to change my accent. No matter how hard it was, I stuck to it, and was able to get rid of the accent (not totally). Every day I would wake up ready to learn something new from my grandmother and from school. I am very pleased to my grandmother for helping me to read and write in English. Without her help, I wouldnt be the person that I am today. School was very important to me when I was younger. I always had that fixed mindset that school is good for you and that you will prosper in the end. Now that I am in college, I can reflect on all the successes I had before, and I can truly treasure the fact that I am going to school right now. Learning in school, I pretty much did have a fixed mindset. My parents always told me how smart and intelligent I was from what I have done. From that, I always thought that I was the smart one and everything I did was perfect. I had a fixed mindset from 3rd-8th grade. It was great having a fixed mindset because in elementary school, you could do your best, and you would still have a good grade. Having a fixed mindset and be considered smart also had its downfalls. I was called and picked on because I was so smart. Kids at school would call me a nerd because of how smart I was. Name calling really hurts when you are little and it was hard to let go. In the 6th grade, I conformed to a point where it was acceptable to be smart and cool at the same time. So being called smart all the time was great, but like what Dweck had said, happiness was only there for a period of time. You would see me sad when it was time to look at the present. You would see me depressed when a new and different challenge arrived. I had a negative outlook on learning whenever it was hard for me to learn something new. I didnt have a growth mindset yet. But, as always, I strive and I am able to accomplish the tasks that are difficult for me. Being considered smart changed when I entered high school.

Atienza 7 It was then I entered high school, I realized that having a fixed mindset wouldnt help me in the long run. When I took health in my freshman year of high school, I realized how different the teaching standard was compared to when I took it in middle school. The pace was fast, the questions on tests and quizzes were harder, the teachers were strict, and also the environment around me was different. In the beginning of the year, I always thought that I was smart, I could handle this. When I got my first test back and saw a C-, I really doubted myself and thought, Am I really smart? Is this all I can really do? And that thought haunted me the rest of the semester. It wasnt until something told me, You can do this. You know you are doing something wrong. Work harder. By golly, that thought overcame my last thought and I relied on the work rather than my intelligence. I realized that it is the work that will help you be intelligent and help you strive later on. Its almost like a car cant move without a driver. My car (intelligence) needed a driver and that driver was work, or in Dwecks case effort. So I had a growth mindset throughout high school. I relied heavily on doing the work and learning from my mistakes. This has helped me to get so far in my education. To this day Im happy to still have a growth mindset, and I love the challenge classes have when trying to obtain the A. Without this mindset, I wouldnt go after the major I am trying to strive today. Now, I am in English 100 at Pasadena City College. Out of this English class/course, I would like to improve my writing skills. I would also like to be able to read a text, analyze it, know what is going on, and know the deeper meaning of the text. I would also like to maximize my potential in writing. I feel that I do have potential; its just that I need that extra push or guide to help me. I am also excited because this is my first year at Pasadena City College and I feel like I am doing a lot better than how I expected to do. And Im also excited because this semester is almost finished.