Angela Marie Bernadette Teng English 110 John Murillo III Personal Essay Snippets in Vignettes: In Between Worlds

Cicadas singing in the moonlight. The breeze whispering softly in my ear. Skies, dark, grey and mysterious, yet illuminated by the brilliance of a thousand stars. My journey had yet to begin, although I felt like I had reached its end. Stars. They gleamed high above me and reminded me of all the times I lay on the rooftop just breathing in the warm summer air. I was on the brink of fulfilling my dreams everything that I worked so hard to achieve. It was here. It was now. I had a shot at changing the world. I had a shot at making my mark in history of having my story shine brighter than before of having it explode like a supernova and allow me to tap into my potential. I could make a difference. All the children who beg for change on the busy streets of Manila, on the highways, outside the churches, rain or shine, every single day, theyd be there. They had no other alternative. It was already their alternative No food or water, shelter or clothing, they had nothing. All the farmers affected by severe typhoons Each season they strive to increase their yields, but each season, another typhoon comes and wreaks havoc on their hard work All of my countrymen who seek a brighter future all of the Filipinos who are so tired of living in everyone elses shadows, so tired of being that so-called third world country only known for exporting cheap labor, so tired of having their families leave in search of better opportunities elsewhere anywhere else anywhere elsewhere any elsewhere I could make a difference. But, Is it worth it?

It was supposed to be the time of my life. Ever since I was a child, Ive dreamed of leaving. Of going somewhere else on an adventure. Somewhere far away, where I could be whoever I wanted to be, without previous judgment or prejudice, without expectations or presumptions, and without anything to hold me back. The doors of opportunity are open, open for me, all I have to do is take that one step through it. That one step that could change my life in ways that even I cant imagine. I can make a difference. People dont always value their college education. Some of my friends honestly just do it for chicks, or to get more connections. College? Haha, deins pare (no, bro), I just want to go somewhere that has nice parties and be with all my friends. College = drugs + sex + alcohol, right? But the path that led me to college had been paved for me way before I knew what it was, way before I knew what I wanted to do. Family always comes first. Make them proud, and everythings good. Minimum requirements: Go to college, get straight As, be the perfect daughter Thats what it feels like sometimes. After studying in a very strict traditional school where rules were abundant and green sanction slips accumulated at the bottom of my backpack, I was so ready for college. So excited to start over and dive right into everything. High school was comprised of both the best and worst years of my life so far. I was ready to start anew. So excited to just, be. I hate it when people tell me to go out and have some fun!, as if yolo-ing with them would be the highlight of my week. I have work to do, I tell them. Aw come on, do it tomorrow. Oh my god dont even go there. Dont dont dont tell me what I can or cant do. Youre not paying for my tuition fee. Youre not the one with my parents standards to live up to. Youre not the one draining my familys money just to be able to study here. Their hard-earned money. I hate having to say that I cant go out because I cant afford it. Skipping out on movies that I really want to watch, sitting by myself at six-person tables during weekends because Im on meal plan. Always looking for the cheapest deals. Always dividing our groceries equally when I go shopping with my roommate. Their hard-earned money. I couldnt waste it.

I cant afford to fail. Its too expensive. Their hard-earned money. I hate asking for it. Its not mine to take. They say that the great kings of the past look down on us from the stars. - Mufasa, Lion King How do you find home when youre in a place as far away as possible from everything familiar? How do you know where to put yourself, how to orient yourself? Its like swimming in the ocean with your eyes closed. You dont know which way is up or down, but you keep swimming anyway, while the tide is pulling at you and the waves are crashing against you, forcing the air out of your lungs, and youre searching for something to hold on to, Anything, as if youre trying to follow the sunlight, except youre so deep, deep enough in the water that everythings dark. Its unusual to think that, despite the countless blessings Ive received, there are brief instances when Im unhappy. Im torn. Torn between two countries, Between two cities, both of which Ive grown to love, Torn between making my family proud And making myself happy Between that decision to take the easy way out or do something actually worthwhile. To do something that will benefit the greater good, Or do something that will help me make money To give up, or push myself to my limits. Im not only torn, though. Im tired. But worst of all, Im lost. Alone. * * *

Everything happens under the same night sky. Ever since I was a child, Ive looked at the stars for inspiration They made me feel small, But not insignificant. Its the vastness,

I read somewhere. Just miles and miles of velvety dark blue skies. They made me believe that Anything can happen, and Everythings possible. Cicadas singing a sad song in the moonlight. The breeze softly whispering goodbye. Skies, dark, grey and mysterious, yet illuminated by the brilliance of a thousand stars. Im really going to miss you. he said. I didnt want to let go. Ill miss you too. I whispered, I wanted to say. But, I wasnt sure how long soon would take. Sometimes, as I try to find the balance and unity between these two worlds between my two worlds my sun and moon clouds and sky I look up at the heavens scattered with the glitter of a thousand stars and a thousand stories my stories. I dont know what the future holds, but the stars make me feel Infinite. They remind me of consistency; Wherever I am in the world Ill see the same night sky. Maybe not with the same perspective, But, Ill see the same night sky. When I feel like Im lost in between worlds, Im comforted by seeing something so familiar.

Ill see you soon,

Its enough, I say, To make me remember That the only thing constant Is change.