I would like to revise my defense essay.

1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11) Detail Sentence structure Introduction-engage audience-clear focus Creating logical order Addressing audience more effectively Engaging with sources Conclusion (should not be the same what have we learned since the beginning of the paper?) Transitions Word choice Maintaining tighter focus on central purpose Clarity. More support (show in revision!)

Turn commented page to pdf and comments will show -Try to connect ideas back to purpose -pose critical analysis: what point are you trying to prove with your example, whats the signifigance? -progress and movement during course-say in reflection letter -chronologically