End Comments Introduction and Thesis: Nice opening sentence.

Excellent presentation of product, need for review, and thesis. Thesis is directly stated and clear. Criteria: Criteria are clearly established. Could you add some research on equipment or training methods generally that might suggest why these criteria are important? Structure and Evaluation: Overall, structure is well foregrounded. However, topic sentences can still be strengthened so that they directly state the claim the paragraph will prove. Sometimes when writing a draft these claims end up at the end of your paragraph. When revising, move them to the beginning. Evaluation according to criteria is well done.

Research and Citations: Excellent research. Points are well supported by evidence. Reference page is nicely formatted. I made some suggestions about abbreviating URLs. Citations are clearly formatted as well. Proofreading and Editing: Continue to focus on these two areas. Cut empty sentence openers and proofread aloud to catch missing words or sentence fragments.