When its 3am and I finally collapse into bed, my icy cheeks flushed and my heart beating wildly

against my rib cage, I am there and I believe in that. It is when the only sounds are my unsteady breath and my pulse that has made its way to my ears. The adventures from the night linger, tangled in my shivering tresses. Street lamps outside compose a symphony of soft glowing luster but inside Im aflame with rapture. It is when sleep couldnt be further from me and all I can do is think of him and pray with all that I have that my mother didnt hear me come in. Ill swear by the nights when its 7pm and my stomach is like a rock inside me. Shannon reaches through the dark and squeezes my hand and were breathing deeply, dust and jitters filling our shaky lungs. From the corner the stage manager signals to the booth, 3 , 2, 1 lights up, I catch his sweet smile for the briefest moment and the lights are up, and theyre blinding and all we know are the radiant colors, skirts spinning madly on, all of us too high to take note of the ache in our legs and the flames in our chests. And we do it loud and we do it without stopping until the curtains fall again and we are bombarded with the syrupy smelling drugstore flowers from our grandparents, a dozen roses and at least four dozen hugs. I believe in the times that I am all alone and my room is stuffy and airless. My cheeks are stinging from the hot tears that come slowly and leave distressed, sticky, black smudges across my fallen face. When my throat is tight and my head is throbbing violently against my skull. When the only coherent thoughts I can create are, Stupid, stupid girl, how could you be so nave? and I feel claustrophobic in my own skin, like its a straightjacket holding me in, confined in the consequences of my own miss step. My passion for the present doesnt hang in the balance of my mood, or the quality of my day. Its constant, never falling back with the past or scuttling ahead to the future. Rather, it stands by me, like a close friend and reminds me what a privilege it is to taste peanut butter and jelly, or hear my mom shouting across the house, or feel the emptiness someone can leave me with when theyre gone.