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Thuy Anh Le Mrs. Garza English II 1st period December 16, 2013 A young girls reminiscence Winter has come and left a time of loneliness and reminiscence on me. Many dramatic events happened in 2011: the Japan earthquake, the death of Amy Winehouse, and Bin Laden was killedThis year also gave me my first step into the sea of agony. Joy is fleeting but misery stays forever. Wounds leave scars. How long will it take to heal mine? I grew up in a traditional three-generation family: my grandparents, my parents, me and my brother. We all lived together in a big house full of laughter and happiness. There was always calm before the storm. If only I were wiser to know this. That fatal day was the last day of our perfect hearth, it had taken away an irreplaceable piece of our family picture and influenced the rest of my life. It was a late evening in autumn. I came home after a long, tiring day at school. I walked upstairs and laid down on the hammock, my favorite place for a short nap. I was a balloon under pressure. Exams, grades, and other stresses had exhausted all my strength and patience. Wandering thoughts about a brighter future helped relax my tension and easily put me to sleep. The atmosphere sank deeply in silence. The clock was going tick tock, slowly and resoundingly. Was it the timing of death? As I suddenly woke up, I saw my grandpa heading to the bathroom. He was in front of me but his figure was hazy like a shadow. He was right there but I had the feeling that we were far apart. His warm eyes, his familiar face, his straight backtoo close but too far. Wake up, I mumbled and shook my head. I could not go back to sleep. My stomach was screaming for food. I went downstairs to eat dinner. The TV was playing my favorite show.

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My time, I shouted in my head. I turned the volume up to the equivalent of a huge machine. During that time, I dimly heard some noise from upstairs. Grandma turned to me: Did you hear it? What was that? I was focusing on the show more than what she had said. I answered cursorily: Grandpa dropped something on the floorMaybe. I dont know. She did not say anything more. I gently shrugged my shoulder and ignored. If I could go back in time, I would never act like that. Unintentional actions can lead to unintended consequences. I went back upstairs to take a shower shortly later. When I passed the bathroom which my grandpa was inside, I barely heard a small, very weak, and inarticulate voice. Thuy Anh, helphelp me. The door was locked. I ran crazily downstairs and told everyone else. I called my parents. There were no words coming from my mouth. I was just helplessly sputtering and crying. I was standing near the bathroom when my father opened the door. I was in shock. My eyes were full of tears but I could still see that unforgettable scene. A stinking smell of blood from the small bathroom covered the air. It made me feel sick. The granite sink was broken into pieces and scattered on the floor. My grandpa was naked and motionlessly lying on a mess of broken sharp pieces. I could feel it. He was like a fish trapped by a thorny net. Blood was on his face and everywhere. Its color was hurting my eyes. It was like the Red Sea in the Bible. We carefully moved him out and took him to the hospital. My grandpa tried to reassure us by saying he was fine. We knew he was not. That was my grandpa, strong and reliable. He suffered the misery himself, quietly without any moan. We even cried harder than him. He was strong until the end. He lost consciousness on the way to the hospital. The last thing he said was my name. We then inferred that he must have fallen backward due to the wet floor. He tried to hold the sink instinctively but it collapsed. After hours of endless waiting, the doctors came out from the

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emergency room. They said they could not save my grandpa. He had a severe brain injury and also lost a lot of blood. My grandpa could only live for few more days. This was a sad news to everyone in my family. More than that, it was my death sentence. I needed to confess, not to the court of mankind, but for my conscience. I told my mom everything. It was my fault. I was an indirect perpetrator. I was afraid by that thought. My grandpa had been hopelessly calling me, asking for help. Where had I been? Entertaining, eating, having fun. This was irony! I should not have left. I should have stayed upstairs. What if I turned the volume down? What if I unhesitatingly went to check when I heard that sound? What if I were just a little faster? Would it have saved my grandpa? I did not know. No one could tell. A second had passed; a drop of his blood had wasted. If I acted sooner, he might have survived. My mom listened to me patiently and unexpectedly interrupted: It was not you. It was Gods plan. You were only a part of His plan. Not you. Not you. I unconditionally repeated her word: Not me, yes, not me. My grandpa passed away the next morning at 4:30 am, six months before his 60th wedding anniversary. During his funeral, I became bewildered and withered. My grandpas voice echoed in my mind. I felt as if my head had been hit badly with a hammer. I was like someone floating on the ocean at night, dark, cold, gloomy, undirected and all alone. I could not reach out. I was tormented by my conscience. There was no tomorrow for me. I prayed to him: Grandpa, forgive me please, and save me from this pain, I cannot bear it anymore. It was such a miracle that I could feel a breath of peace easing my heart at that moment. Perhaps he accepted my apology. Life still goes on, I eventually changed. I spend most of time with my family and treasure them with all my heart. His sudden death made me appreciate every moment I breathe since I do not know what is waiting for me in the next morning. I have learned to listen more

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than to speak meaningless words. I want to hear all voices. I realize that Gods intention is beyond all men. Like my family, we were planning to have a 60th wedding anniversary for my grandparents which will never happen. Death is a part of the circle of life. Nobody escapes. Autumn 2011, I lost my first relative. Autumn 2011, I got my first scar of life. Autumn 2011, my grandpa left me forever, but my memories about him can never be erased. They are engraved in my heart eternally!