Professional Documents
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Shrek
Shrek
13
00:01:28,726 --> 00:01:33,117
44
00:03:00,606 --> 00:03:02,437
- Go!
- Go!
45
00:03:02,526 --> 00:03:05,518
- Go. Go. Go.
51
00:03:28,726 --> 00:03:31,843
- Think it's in there?
- All right. Let's get it!
52
00:03:31,926 --> 00:03:34,565
Whoa. Hold on. Do you know
what that thing can do to you?
53
00:03:34,646 --> 00:03:37,479
Yeah, it'll grind
your bones for its bread.
54
00:03:37,566 --> 00:03:41,354
Yes, well, actually,
that would be a giant.
55
00:03:41,446 --> 00:03:45,325
Now, ogres...
They're much worse.
56
00:03:45,406 --> 00:03:48,204
They'll make a suit
from your freshly peeled skin.
57
00:03:48,286 --> 00:03:50,277
- No!
- They'll shave your liver.
58
00:03:50,366 --> 00:03:53,483
Squeeze the jelly
from your eyes!
59
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:56,000
- Actually, it's quite good on toast.
- Back! Back, beast!
60
00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:58,122
110
00:06:26,006 --> 00:06:27,883
Seize him!
111
00:06:29,766 --> 00:06:32,485
After him!
He's getting away!
113
00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:43,078
Get him! This way! Turn!
114
00:06:48,086 --> 00:06:50,281
You there. Ogre!
115
00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,561
Aye?
116
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:56,559
By the order of Lord Farquaad,
I am authorized to place you both under arrest...
117
00:06:56,646 --> 00:07:02,004
and transport you to
a designated... resettlement facility.
118
00:07:02,086 --> 00:07:05,965
Oh, really?
You and what army?
121
00:07:16,286 --> 00:07:18,197
Can I say something to you?
122
00:07:18,286 --> 00:07:21,483
Listen, you was really, really somethin'
back there. Incredible!
123
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:27,084
Are you talkin' to... me?
124
00:07:27,166 --> 00:07:30,954
Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that
you was great back there? Those guards!
125
00:07:31,046 --> 00:07:33,640
They thought they was all of that.
Then you showed up, and bam!
126
00:07:33,726 --> 00:07:35,603
They was trippin' over themselves
like babes in the woods.
127
00:07:35,686 --> 00:07:37,517
That really made me
feel good to see that.
128
00:07:37,606 --> 00:07:40,518
- Oh, that's great. Really.
- Man, it's good to be free.
129
00:07:40,606 --> 00:07:45,919
Now, why don't you go celebrate your
freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
130
00:07:46,006 --> 00:07:49,157
But, uh, I don't
have any friends.
131
00:07:49,246 --> 00:07:51,806
And I'm not goin'
out there by myself.
132
00:07:51,886 --> 00:07:54,320
Hey, wait a minute! I got
a great idea! I'll stick with you.
133
00:07:54,406 --> 00:07:56,237
You're a mean,
green, fightin' machine.
134
00:07:56,326 --> 00:07:58,442
Together we'll scare
the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
136
00:08:02,646 --> 00:08:05,206
Oh, wow!
That was really scary.
137
00:08:05,286 --> 00:08:08,835
If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work,
your breath certainly will get the job done,
138
00:08:08,926 --> 00:08:11,918
'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs
or something, 'cause your breath stinks!
139
00:08:12,006 --> 00:08:15,078
You almost burned the hair
outta my nose,
140
00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:17,885
just like the time...
141
00:08:17,966 --> 00:08:21,515
Then I ate some rotten berries.
I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.
142
00:08:21,606 --> 00:08:24,200
Why are you following me?
143
00:08:25,286 --> 00:08:27,720
I'll tell you why.
149
00:08:43,206 --> 00:08:46,118
Stop singing!
150
00:08:46,206 --> 00:08:48,162
It's no wonder
you don't have any friends.
151
00:08:48,246 --> 00:08:51,716
Wow. Only a true friend
would be that truly honest.
152
00:08:51,806 --> 00:08:55,719
Listen, little donkey.
Take a look at me. What am I?
154
00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:03,523
- Really tall?
- No! I'm an ogre.
155
00:09:03,606 --> 00:09:06,678
You know.
"Grab your torch and pitchforks."
156
00:09:06,766 --> 00:09:08,677
Doesn't that bother you?
157
00:09:08,766 --> 00:09:10,802
Nope.
158
171
00:09:57,566 --> 00:10:00,034
You know, I do too.
That's another thing we have in common.
172
00:10:00,126 --> 00:10:02,276
Like, I hate it when
you got somebody in your face.
173
00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:06,120
You're trying to give them a hint, and
they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
174
00:10:09,126 --> 00:10:11,720
- Can I stay with you?
- Uh, what?
175
00:10:11,806 --> 00:10:14,274
Can I stay with you, please?
176
00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:16,561
- Of course!
- Really?
177
00:10:16,646 --> 00:10:18,921
- No.
- Please! I don't wanna go back there!
178
00:10:19,006 --> 00:10:22,760
You don't know what it's like to be
considered a freak. Well, maybe you do.
179
00:10:22,846 --> 00:10:25,314
But that's why we gotta stick together.
You gotta let me stay!
180
00:10:25,406 --> 00:10:28,398
- Please! Please!
- Okay! Okay!
181
00:10:28,486 --> 00:10:30,954
- But one night only.
- Ah! Thank you!
182
00:10:31,046 --> 00:10:33,276
- What are you... No! No!
- This is gonna be fun!
183
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,197
We can stay up late,
swappin' manly stories,
184
00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:37,959
and in the mornin'
I'm makin' waffles.
185
00:10:38,046 --> 00:10:41,163
- Oh!
- Where do, uh, I sleep?
186
00:10:41,246 --> 00:10:42,918
Outside!
187
00:10:43,006 --> 00:10:45,964
Oh, well,
I guess that's cool.
188
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,037
I mean, I don't know you,
and you don't know me,
189
00:10:48,126 --> 00:10:50,401
so I guess outside
is best, you know.
190
00:10:50,486 --> 00:10:53,364
Here I go.
191
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:59,359
Good night.
192
00:10:59,446 --> 00:11:03,280
I mean, I do like the outdoors.
I'm a donkey. I was born outside.
193
00:11:03,366 --> 00:11:05,926
I'll just be sitting by myself
outside, I guess, you know.
194
00:11:06,006 --> 00:11:08,201
By myself, outside.
199
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:17,040
I thought I told you to stay outside.
200
00:12:17,126 --> 00:12:20,641
I am outside.
202
00:12:25,926 --> 00:12:29,555
Well, gents, it's a far cry from
the farm, but what choice do we have?
203
00:12:29,646 --> 00:12:32,035
It's not home,
but it'll do just fine.
204
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,957
What a lovely bed.
205
00:12:34,046 --> 00:12:36,276
- Got ya.
- I found some cheese.
207
00:12:40,446 --> 00:12:42,914
- Is that you, Gorder?
- How did you know?
208
00:12:43,006 --> 00:12:45,804
Enough!
What are you doing in my house?
209
00:12:45,886 --> 00:12:47,717
Hey!
211
00:12:50,406 --> 00:12:53,842
- Dead broad off the table.
- Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
213
00:12:57,046 --> 00:12:59,560
What?
214
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:04,197
I live in a swamp. I put up signs.
I'm a terrifying ogre!
215
00:13:04,286 --> 00:13:06,800
What do I have to do
to get a little privacy?
216
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:09,195
No!
217
00:13:09,286 --> 00:13:11,880
No!
218
00:13:11,966 --> 00:13:15,402
No! No!
219
00:13:15,486 --> 00:13:18,284
What?
220
00:13:18,366 --> 00:13:20,197
- Quit it.
- Don't push.
222
00:13:24,446 --> 00:13:27,244
What are you doing in my swamp?
223
00:13:27,326 --> 00:13:29,635
Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!
224
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,798
Oh, dear!
226
00:13:34,526 --> 00:13:37,757
All right, get out of here.
All of you, move it!
227
00:13:37,846 --> 00:13:40,155
Come on! Let's go!
Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!
228
00:13:40,246 --> 00:13:42,123
- Quickly. Come on!
- No, no!
229
00:13:42,206 --> 00:13:44,322
No, no.
Not there. Not there.
231
00:13:47,846 --> 00:13:50,599
Hey, don't look at me.
I didn't invite them.
232
00:13:50,686 --> 00:13:52,677
Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
233
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:55,234
- What?
- We were forced to come here.
234
00:13:55,326 --> 00:13:57,362
- By who?
- Lord Farquaad.
235
00:13:57,446 --> 00:14:01,997
He huffed und he puffed und he...
signed an eviction notice.
236
00:14:02,086 --> 00:14:04,680
All right.
237
00:14:04,766 --> 00:14:08,839
Who knows where
this Farquaad guy is?
238
00:14:08,926 --> 00:14:11,599
Oh, I do. I know where he is.
239
00:14:11,686 --> 00:14:15,235
Does anyone else
know where to find him?
240
00:14:16,646 --> 00:14:18,796
- Anyone at all?
- Me! Me!
241
00:14:18,886 --> 00:14:20,717
- Anyone?
- Oh! Oh, pick me!
242
00:14:20,806 --> 00:14:23,115
Oh, I know!
I know! Me, me!
243
00:14:23,206 --> 00:14:26,198
Okay, fine.
244
00:14:26,286 --> 00:14:30,643
Attention,
all fairy tale things.
245
00:14:30,726 --> 00:14:35,242
Do not get comfortable.
Your welcome is officially worn out.
246
00:14:35,326 --> 00:14:38,875
In fact, I'm gonna see
this guy Farquaad right now...
247
00:14:38,966 --> 00:14:41,958
and get you all off my land
and back where you came from!
250
00:14:49,206 --> 00:14:52,039
Oh! You!
251
00:14:52,126 --> 00:14:53,957
You're comin' with me.
252
00:14:54,046 --> 00:14:56,276
All right, that's
what I like to hear, man.
253
00:14:56,366 --> 00:14:59,995
Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends,
off on a whirlwind big-city adventure.
254
00:15:00,086 --> 00:15:01,997
I love it!
255
00:15:02,086 --> 00:15:05,123
- Sing it with me, Shrek.
- Hey. Oh, oh!
257
00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:08,997
What did I say about singing?
258
00:15:09,086 --> 00:15:10,917
- Can I whistle?
- No.
259
00:15:11,006 --> 00:15:13,679
- Can I hum it?
- All right, hum it.
263
00:15:42,246 --> 00:15:45,158
That's enough. He's ready to talk.
267
00:15:57,566 --> 00:15:59,921
Run, run, run, as fast as you can.
268
309
00:18:16,006 --> 00:18:17,997
bachelorette number three
is a fiery redhead...
310
00:18:18,086 --> 00:18:20,520
from a dragon-guarded castle
surrounded by hot boiling lava!
311
00:18:20,606 --> 00:18:22,562
But don't let that cool you off.
312
00:18:22,646 --> 00:18:25,683
She's a loaded pistol who likes
pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.
313
00:18:25,766 --> 00:18:29,645
Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona!
314
00:18:29,726 --> 00:18:32,081
So will it be bachelorette number one,
315
00:18:32,166 --> 00:18:35,522
bachelorette number two
or bachelorette number three?
316
00:18:35,606 --> 00:18:37,676
- Two! Two!
- Three! Three!
317
00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:39,040
- Two! Two!
- Three!
318
00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:41,162
Three? One? Three?
319
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,202
Three! Pick number three, my lord!
320
00:18:43,286 --> 00:18:46,881
Okay, okay, uh, number three!
321
00:18:46,966 --> 00:18:51,517
Lord Farquaad,
you've chosen Princess Fiona.
323
00:18:55,326 --> 00:18:58,523
Princess Fiona.
324
00:18:58,606 --> 00:19:00,676
She's perfect.
325
00:19:00,766 --> 00:19:03,405
All I have to do is
just find someone who can go...
326
00:19:03,486 --> 00:19:05,636
But I probably should mention
the little thing that happens at night.
327
00:19:05,726 --> 00:19:07,557
- I'll do it.
- Yes, but after sunset...
328
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:11,559
Silence! I will make
this Princess Fiona my queen,
329
00:19:11,646 --> 00:19:15,639
and DuLoc will finally
have the perfect king!
330
00:19:15,726 --> 00:19:17,842
Captain, assemble your finest men.
331
00:19:17,926 --> 00:19:21,635
We're going to have a tournament.
332
00:19:23,246 --> 00:19:26,124
But that's it. That's it
right there. That's DuLoc.
333
00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:28,162
I told ya I'd find it.
334
00:19:28,246 --> 00:19:32,205
So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
335
00:19:32,286 --> 00:19:34,277
That's the place.
336
372
00:21:42,726 --> 00:21:44,956
All right. You're going the right way
for a smacked bottom.
373
00:21:45,046 --> 00:21:46,877
Sorry about that.
374
00:21:46,966 --> 00:21:52,245
That champion shall have the honour...
no, no... the privilege...
375
00:21:52,326 --> 00:21:56,205
to go forth and rescue
the lovely Princess Fiona...
376
00:21:56,286 --> 00:21:59,483
from the fiery keep of the dragon.
377
00:21:59,566 --> 00:22:03,605
If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful,
378
00:22:03,686 --> 00:22:06,723
the first runner-up
will take his place...
379
00:22:06,806 --> 00:22:09,479
and so on and so forth.
380
00:22:09,566 --> 00:22:14,765
Some of you may die, but it's
a sacrifice I am willing to make.
382
00:22:19,686 --> 00:22:21,995
Let the tournament begin!
384
00:22:27,486 --> 00:22:30,603
What is that?
385
00:22:30,686 --> 00:22:35,077
- It's hideous!
- Ah, that's not very nice.
386
00:22:35,166 --> 00:22:37,475
- It's just a donkey.
- Huh?
387
00:22:37,566 --> 00:22:40,399
Indeed. Knights, new plan!
388
00:22:40,486 --> 00:22:45,002
The one who kills the ogre will be
named champion! Have at him!
389
00:22:45,086 --> 00:22:48,840
- Get him!
- Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
390
00:22:48,926 --> 00:22:51,121
Go ahead! Get him!
391
00:22:51,206 --> 00:22:54,721
Can't we just settle this over a pint?
392
00:22:54,806 --> 00:22:56,000
Kill the beast!
393
00:22:56,086 --> 00:23:00,364
No? All right then.
394
00:23:00,446 --> 00:23:02,437
Come on!
396
00:23:14,246 --> 00:23:18,080
Damn!
401
00:23:30,686 --> 00:23:33,917
Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
405
00:23:41,446 --> 00:23:43,402
Yeah!
407
00:23:45,566 --> 00:23:47,397
The chair!
Give him the chair!
416
00:24:11,326 --> 00:24:13,999
Thank you!
Thank you very much!
417
00:24:14,086 --> 00:24:16,361
I'm here till Thursday.
Try the veal! Ha, ha!
419
00:24:22,566 --> 00:24:24,443
Shall I give the order, sir?
420
00:24:24,526 --> 00:24:27,962
No, I have a better idea.
421
00:24:28,046 --> 00:24:32,995
People of DuLoc,
I give you our champion!
422
00:24:33,086 --> 00:24:36,795
- What?
- Congratulations, ogre.
423
00:24:36,886 --> 00:24:41,038
You've won the honour of
embarking on a great and noble quest.
424
00:24:41,126 --> 00:24:45,324
Quest? I'm already on a quest,
a quest to get my swamp back.
425
00:24:45,406 --> 00:24:48,478
- Your swamp?
- Yeah, my swamp!
426
00:24:48,566 --> 00:24:50,921
Where you dumped
those fairy tale creatures!
427
00:24:51,006 --> 00:24:53,474
Indeed.
428
00:24:53,566 --> 00:24:55,557
All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal.
429
00:24:55,646 --> 00:24:59,275
Go on this quest for me, and
I'll give you your swamp back.
430
00:24:59,366 --> 00:25:01,960
Exactly the way it was?
431
00:25:02,046 --> 00:25:04,685
Down to the last
slime-covered toadstool.
432
00:25:04,766 --> 00:25:07,883
- And the squatters?
- As good as gone.
433
00:25:10,806 --> 00:25:14,594
What kind of quest?
434
00:25:14,926 --> 00:25:17,156
Let me get this straight.
You're gonna go fight a dragon...
435
00:25:17,246 --> 00:25:19,760
and rescue a princess just so Farquaad
will give you back a swamp...
436
00:25:19,846 --> 00:25:22,838
which you only don't have because he
filled it full of freaks in the first place.
437
00:25:22,926 --> 00:25:27,078
- Is that about right?
- Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
438
00:25:27,166 --> 00:25:30,556
I don't get it. Why don't you just
pull some of that ogre stuff on him?
439
00:25:30,646 --> 00:25:32,477
Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress,
440
00:25:32,566 --> 00:25:35,285
grind his bones to make your bread,
the whole ogre trip.
441
00:25:35,366 --> 00:25:37,197
Oh, I know what.
442
00:25:37,286 --> 00:25:39,402
Maybe I could have
decapitated an entire village...
443
00:25:39,486 --> 00:25:41,522
and put their heads on a pike,
444
00:25:41,606 --> 00:25:45,076
gotten a knife, cut open their
458
00:26:26,486 --> 00:26:29,000
Cake! Everybody loves cakes!
Cakes have layers.
459
00:26:29,086 --> 00:26:32,840
I don't care...
what everyone likes.
460
00:26:32,926 --> 00:26:36,475
Ogres are not like cakes.
461
00:26:38,246 --> 00:26:41,477
You know what else
everybody likes? Parfaits.
462
00:26:41,566 --> 00:26:43,397
Have you ever met a person, you
say, "Let's get some parfait,"
463
00:26:43,486 --> 00:26:45,317
they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"?
464
00:26:45,406 --> 00:26:48,045
- Parfaits are delicious.
- No!
465
00:26:48,126 --> 00:26:50,765
You dense, irritating,
miniature beast of burden!
466
00:26:50,846 --> 00:26:53,644
Ogres are like onions!
End of story.
467
00:26:53,726 --> 00:26:55,603
Bye-bye. See ya later.
468
00:26:59,286 --> 00:27:03,518
Parfaits may be the most delicious thing
on the whole damn planet.
469
00:27:03,606 --> 00:27:05,722
You know, I think I preferred your humming.
470
00:27:05,806 --> 00:27:08,366
Do you have a tissue or something?
507
00:29:28,926 --> 00:29:32,316
- But you're already halfway.
- But I know that half is safe!
508
00:29:32,406 --> 00:29:35,079
Okay, fine. I don't
have time for this. You go back.
509
00:29:35,166 --> 00:29:37,475
- Shrek, no! Wait!
- Just, Donkey...
510
00:29:37,566 --> 00:29:40,524
- Let's have a dance then, shall we?
- Don't do that!
511
00:29:40,606 --> 00:29:44,315
Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?
512
00:29:44,406 --> 00:29:47,364
- Oh, this?
- Yes, that!
513
00:29:47,446 --> 00:29:50,722
Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.
514
00:29:50,806 --> 00:29:53,001
No, Shrek!
515
00:29:53,086 --> 00:29:56,078
- No! Stop it!
- You said do it! I'm doin' it.
516
00:29:56,166 --> 00:30:00,239
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.
Shrek, I'm gonna die.
518
00:30:02,806 --> 00:30:06,640
That'll do, Donkey.
That'll do.
519
00:30:09,886 --> 00:30:12,036
Cool.
520
00:30:12,126 --> 00:30:14,765
So where is this fire-breathing
pain-in-the-neck anyway?
521
00:30:14,846 --> 00:30:18,441
Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
522
00:30:18,526 --> 00:30:21,324
I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
525
00:30:36,166 --> 00:30:37,997
You afraid?
526
00:30:38,086 --> 00:30:41,237
No, but... Shh.
527
00:30:41,326 --> 00:30:44,716
Oh, good. Me neither.
528
00:30:44,806 --> 00:30:48,037
'Cause there's nothin'
wrong with bein' afraid.
529
00:30:48,126 --> 00:30:51,243
Fear's a sensible response
to an unfamiliar situation.
530
00:30:51,326 --> 00:30:53,282
Unfamiliar dangerous
situation, I might add.
531
00:30:53,366 --> 00:30:55,880
With a dragon that breathes fire
and eats knights and breathes fire,
532
00:30:55,966 --> 00:30:59,276
it sure doesn't mean you're a coward
if you're a little scared.
533
00:30:59,366 --> 00:31:03,200
I sure as heck ain't no coward.
I know that.
534
00:31:03,286 --> 00:31:06,483
Donkey, two things, okay?
535
00:31:06,566 --> 00:31:09,000
Shut... up.
536
00:31:09,086 --> 00:31:11,725
Now go over there and see
if you can find any stairs.
537
00:31:11,806 --> 00:31:14,320
Stairs? I thought
we was lookin' for the princess.
538
00:31:14,406 --> 00:31:19,082
The princess will be up the stairs in
the highest room in the tallest tower.
539
00:31:19,166 --> 00:31:22,602
- What makes you think she'll be there?
- I read it in a book once.
540
00:31:22,686 --> 00:31:26,440
Cool. You handle the dragon.
I'll handle the stairs.
541
00:31:26,526 --> 00:31:29,438
I'll find those stairs.
I'll whip their butt too.
542
00:31:29,526 --> 00:31:31,403
Those stairs won't know
which way they're goin'.
544
00:31:35,726 --> 00:31:37,603
I'm gonna take drastic steps.
545
00:31:37,686 --> 00:31:40,359
Kick it to the kerb. Don't mess
with me. I'm the stair master.
546
00:31:40,446 --> 00:31:44,837
I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had
a step right here. I'd step all over it.
547
00:31:47,686 --> 00:31:51,076
Well, at least we know
where the princess is, but where's the...
548
00:31:51,166 --> 00:31:55,239
Dragon!
551
00:32:08,286 --> 00:32:10,436
575
00:33:41,126 --> 00:33:44,675
No! Shrek! Shrek!
576
00:33:44,766 --> 00:33:46,597
Shrek!
582
00:34:18,046 --> 00:34:19,877
- Wake up!
- What?
583
00:34:19,966 --> 00:34:21,524
Are you Princess Fiona?
584
00:34:21,606 --> 00:34:26,726
I am, awaiting a knight
so bold as to rescue me.
585
00:34:26,806 --> 00:34:28,717
Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
586
00:34:28,806 --> 00:34:30,717
But wait, Sir Knight.
587
00:34:30,806 --> 00:34:33,001
This be-ith our first meeting.
588
00:34:33,086 --> 00:34:36,635
Should it not be a
wonderful, romantic moment?
589
00:34:36,726 --> 00:34:40,878
- Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
- Hey, wait. What are you doing?
590
00:34:40,966 --> 00:34:42,957
You should sweep me off my feet...
591
00:34:43,046 --> 00:34:46,277
out yonder window and down
a rope onto your valiant steed.
592
00:34:46,366 --> 00:34:49,039
You've had a lot of time
to plan this, haven't you?
594
609
00:35:36,926 --> 00:35:39,121
Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
610
00:35:39,206 --> 00:35:42,596
That's not the point. Oh!
611
00:35:42,686 --> 00:35:45,041
Wait. Where are you going?
The exit's over there.
612
00:35:45,126 --> 00:35:47,082
Well, I have to save my ass.
613
00:35:47,166 --> 00:35:50,238
What kind of knight are you?
614
00:35:50,326 --> 00:35:52,635
One of a kind.
615
00:35:52,726 --> 00:35:55,001
Slow down.
Slow down, baby, please.
616
00:35:55,086 --> 00:35:59,125
I believe it's healthy to get to know
someone over a long period of time.
617
00:35:59,206 --> 00:36:01,674
Just call me old-fashioned.
618
00:36:01,766 --> 00:36:05,122
I don't want to rush into
a physical relationship.
619
00:36:05,206 --> 00:36:08,516
I'm not emotionally ready
for a commitment of, uh, this...
620
00:36:08,606 --> 00:36:10,801
Magnitude really is
the word I'm looking for.
621
00:36:10,886 --> 00:36:14,242
Magnitude... Hey, that is
unwanted physical contact.
622
684
00:40:12,806 --> 00:40:16,162
Of course, you are.
You're my rescuer.
685
00:40:16,246 --> 00:40:18,601
Now... Now remove your helmet.
686
00:40:18,686 --> 00:40:20,802
Look. I really don't think
this is a good idea.
687
00:40:20,886 --> 00:40:22,797
- Just take off the helmet.
- I'm not going to.
688
00:40:22,886 --> 00:40:24,001
- Take it off.
- No!
689
00:40:24,086 --> 00:40:26,077
- Now!
- Okay!
690
00:40:26,166 --> 00:40:30,478
Easy. As you command, Your Highness.
691
00:40:40,126 --> 00:40:43,402
You... You're a... an ogre.
692
00:40:43,486 --> 00:40:47,240
Oh, you were expecting
Prince Charming.
693
00:40:47,326 --> 00:40:49,715
Well, yes, actually.
694
00:40:51,566 --> 00:40:54,683
Oh, no. This is all wrong.
695
00:40:54,766 --> 00:40:56,961
You're not supposed
to be an ogre.
696
00:40:57,046 --> 00:41:02,074
Princess, I was sent to rescue
you by Lord Farquaad, okay?
697
00:41:02,166 --> 00:41:03,997
He's the one
who wants to marry you.
698
00:41:04,086 --> 00:41:05,917
Then why didn't
he come rescue me?
699
00:41:06,006 --> 00:41:10,158
Good question. You should
ask him that when we get there.
700
00:41:10,246 --> 00:41:13,158
But I have to be rescued by my true love,
701
00:41:13,246 --> 00:41:15,885
not by some ogre and his... his pet.
702
00:41:15,966 --> 00:41:17,922
So much for noble steed.
703
00:41:18,006 --> 00:41:20,520
You're not making my job any easier.
704
00:41:20,606 --> 00:41:23,837
I'm sorry, but your job
is not my problem.
705
00:41:23,926 --> 00:41:28,954
You can tell Lord Farquaad
that if he wants to rescue me properly,
706
00:41:29,046 --> 00:41:31,276
I'll be waiting for him right here.
707
00:41:31,366 --> 00:41:36,201
Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy,
all right? I'm a delivery boy.
708
00:41:36,286 --> 00:41:38,436
You wouldn't dare.
709
00:41:38,526 --> 00:41:40,437
- Put me down!
- Ya comin', Donkey?
710
740
00:43:14,806 --> 00:43:18,719
- Hey! Over here.
- Shrek, we can do better than that.
741
00:43:18,806 --> 00:43:21,274
I don't think this is fit for a princess.
742
00:43:21,366 --> 00:43:24,039
No, no, it's perfect.
It just needs a few homey touches.
743
00:43:24,126 --> 00:43:28,836
Homey touches? Like what?
744
00:43:28,926 --> 00:43:32,999
A door? Well, gentlemen,
I bid thee good night.
745
00:43:33,086 --> 00:43:35,361
You want me to read you
a bedtime story? I will.
746
00:43:35,446 --> 00:43:37,676
I said good night!
747
00:43:40,046 --> 00:43:41,923
Shrek, what are you doing?
748
00:43:42,006 --> 00:43:44,918
I just... You know... Oh, come on.
749
00:43:45,006 --> 00:43:47,520
I was just kidding.
751
00:43:52,606 --> 00:43:56,042
And, uh, that one, that's Throwback,
752
00:43:56,126 --> 00:43:59,402
the only ogre to ever spit
over three wheat fields.
753
00:43:59,486 --> 00:44:02,444
Right. Yeah.
754
00:44:02,526 --> 00:44:05,324
769
00:44:47,166 --> 00:44:49,316
There's just me and my swamp.
770
00:44:49,406 --> 00:44:53,479
The first thing I'm gonna do is build
a ten-foot wall around my land.
771
00:44:53,566 --> 00:44:55,955
You cut me deep, Shrek.
772
00:44:56,046 --> 00:44:59,243
You cut me real deep just now.
773
00:44:59,326 --> 00:45:01,157
You know what I think?
774
00:45:01,246 --> 00:45:04,238
I think this whole wall thing
is just a way to keep somebody out.
775
00:45:04,326 --> 00:45:08,319
- No, do ya think?
- Are you hidin' something?
776
00:45:08,406 --> 00:45:10,283
Never mind, Donkey.
777
00:45:10,366 --> 00:45:13,642
Oh, this is another one of
those onion things, isn't it?
778
00:45:13,726 --> 00:45:17,162
No, this is one of those drop-it
and leave-it-alone things.
779
00:45:17,246 --> 00:45:20,841
- Why don't you want to talk about it?
- Why do you want to?
780
00:45:20,926 --> 00:45:22,644
- Why are you blocking?
- I'm not blocking.
781
00:45:22,726 --> 00:45:24,876
- Oh, yes, you are.
- Donkey, I'm warning you.
782
00:45:24,966 --> 00:45:28,322
- Who you trying to keep out?
- Everyone! Okay?
783
00:45:29,526 --> 00:45:31,881
Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.
784
00:45:31,966 --> 00:45:35,117
Oh! For the love of Pete!
785
00:45:35,206 --> 00:45:37,515
What's your problem?
What you got against the whole world?
786
00:45:37,606 --> 00:45:39,722
I'm not the one with the problem, okay?
787
00:45:39,806 --> 00:45:42,639
It's the world that seems
to have a problem with me.
788
00:45:42,726 --> 00:45:46,435
People take one look at me
and go, "Aah! Help! Run!
789
00:45:46,526 --> 00:45:50,121
A big, stupid, ugly ogre!"
790
00:45:50,206 --> 00:45:54,245
They judge me before
they even know me.
791
00:45:54,326 --> 00:45:56,157
That's why I'm better off alone.
792
00:46:03,766 --> 00:46:05,882
You know what?
793
00:46:05,966 --> 00:46:11,404
When we met, I didn't think you was
just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
794
00:46:11,486 --> 00:46:14,284
Yeah, I know.
795
00:46:14,366 --> 00:46:17,642
La liberte! Hey!
839
00:49:18,886 --> 00:49:20,717
Princess!
840
00:49:20,806 --> 00:49:23,366
What are you doing?
841
00:49:23,446 --> 00:49:26,244
Be still, mon cherie,
for I am your saviour!
842
00:49:26,326 --> 00:49:30,604
And I am rescuing you from this green...
843
00:49:30,686 --> 00:49:33,120
- beast.
- Hey!
844
00:49:33,206 --> 00:49:35,436
That's my princess!
Go find your own!
845
00:49:35,526 --> 00:49:40,361
Please, monster!
Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
846
00:49:40,446 --> 00:49:43,882
Look, pal, I don't know
who you think you are!
847
00:49:43,966 --> 00:49:46,434
Oh! Of course!
Oh, how rude.
848
00:49:46,526 --> 00:49:48,517
Please let me introduce myself.
849
00:49:48,606 --> 00:49:51,359
Oh, Merry Men!
855
00:50:03,486 --> 00:50:06,319
Break it down.
866
00:50:35,006 --> 00:50:37,520
Man, that was annoying!
867
00:50:37,606 --> 00:50:39,278
Oh, you little...
872
00:51:05,406 --> 00:51:08,364
Um, shall we?
873
00:51:09,646 --> 00:51:12,399
Hold the phone.
874
00:51:12,966 --> 00:51:15,799
Hold on now.
875
00:51:15,886 --> 00:51:17,797
- Where did that come from?
- What?
876
00:51:17,886 --> 00:51:20,639
That! Back there.
That was amazing!
877
00:51:20,726 --> 00:51:22,557
Where did you learn that?
878
00:51:22,646 --> 00:51:25,638
Well... When one lives alone,
879
00:51:25,726 --> 00:51:28,365
uh, one has to learn these things
in case there's a...
880
00:51:28,446 --> 00:51:30,960
- There's an arrow in your butt!
- What?
881
00:51:31,046 --> 00:51:34,675
- Oh, would you look at that?
- Oh, no. This is all my fault.
882
00:51:34,766 --> 00:51:36,597
- I'm so sorry.
- Why? What's wrong?
883
00:51:36,686 --> 00:51:39,883
- Shrek's hurt.
- Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.
884
952
00:55:43,006 --> 00:55:45,156
- What is this?
- Uh, weedrat.
953
00:55:45,246 --> 00:55:47,282
Rotisserie style.
954
00:55:47,366 --> 00:55:49,755
No kidding.
955
00:55:49,846 --> 00:55:51,677
Well, this is delicious.
956
00:55:51,766 --> 00:55:53,757
Well, they're also great
in stews.
957
00:55:53,846 --> 00:55:57,919
Now, I don't mean to brag,
but I make a mean weedrat stew.
959
00:56:01,486 --> 00:56:05,445
I guess I'll be dining
a little differently tomorrow night.
960
00:56:05,526 --> 00:56:10,395
Maybe you can come visit
me in the swamp sometime.
961
00:56:10,486 --> 00:56:12,556
I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you.
962
00:56:12,646 --> 00:56:16,355
Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare...
you name it.
963
00:56:16,446 --> 00:56:19,438
I'd like that.
966
00:56:29,246 --> 00:56:31,760
Um, Princess?
967
00:56:31,846 --> 00:56:35,919
Yes, Shrek?
968
00:56:36,006 --> 00:56:39,681
a little something.
1099
01:04:03,726 --> 01:04:07,241
What'd I miss? What'd I miss?
1100
01:04:07,326 --> 01:04:09,840
Who said that?
Couldn't have been a donkey.
1101
01:04:11,166 --> 01:04:13,521
Princess Fiona.
1102
01:04:13,606 --> 01:04:16,200
As promised. Now hand it over.
1103
01:04:16,286 --> 01:04:20,359
Very well, ogre. The deed
to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.
1104
01:04:20,446 --> 01:04:24,803
Take it and go
before I change my mind.
1105
01:04:24,886 --> 01:04:27,605
Forgive me, Princess,
for startling you,
1106
01:04:27,686 --> 01:04:29,517
but you startled me,
1107
01:04:29,606 --> 01:04:33,121
for I have never seen
such a radiant beauty before.
1108
01:04:33,206 --> 01:04:36,084
I am Lord Farquaad.
1109
01:04:36,166 --> 01:04:39,875
Lord Farquaad?
Oh, no, no.
1110
01:04:39,966 --> 01:04:42,799
Forgive me, my lord,
for I was just saying...
1111
01:04:42,886 --> 01:04:48,119
a short... farewell.
1112
01:04:48,206 --> 01:04:52,643
That is so sweet. You don't have
to waste good manners on the ogre.
1113
01:04:52,726 --> 01:04:54,557
It's not like it has feelings.
1114
01:04:54,646 --> 01:04:58,434
No, you're right.
It doesn't.
1115
01:04:58,526 --> 01:05:02,360
Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair,
flawless Fiona.
1116
01:05:02,446 --> 01:05:05,324
I ask your hand in marriage.
1117
01:05:05,406 --> 01:05:10,241
Will you be the perfect bride
for the perfect groom?
1118
01:05:13,406 --> 01:05:18,355
Lord Farquaad, I accept.
Nothing would make...
1119
01:05:18,446 --> 01:05:21,483
Excellent! I'll start the plans,
for tomorrow we wed!
1120
01:05:21,566 --> 01:05:23,397
No! I mean, uh,
1121
01:05:23,486 --> 01:05:25,761
why wait?
1122
01:05:25,846 --> 01:05:29,521
Let's get married today
before the sun sets.
1123
01:05:29,606 --> 01:05:32,200
Oh, anxious, are we?
You're right.
1124
01:05:32,286 --> 01:05:36,040
The sooner, the better.
1194
01:09:33,166 --> 01:09:36,841
Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you
so bad, how come you came back?
1195
01:09:36,926 --> 01:09:39,998
Because that's what friends do!
They forgive each other!
1196
01:09:40,086 --> 01:09:43,158
Oh, yeah.
You're right, Donkey.
1197
01:09:43,246 --> 01:09:47,285
I forgive you...
for stabbin' me in the back!
1198
01:09:47,366 --> 01:09:52,565
You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy,
you're afraid of your own feelings.
1199
01:09:52,646 --> 01:09:55,956
- Go away!
- There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona.
1200
01:09:56,046 --> 01:09:58,514
All she ever do was like you,
maybe even love you.
1201
01:09:58,606 --> 01:10:02,565
Love me? She said I was ugly,
a hideous creature.
1202
01:10:02,646 --> 01:10:04,477
I heard the two of you talking.
1203
01:10:04,566 --> 01:10:06,397
She wasn't talkin' about you.
1204
01:10:06,486 --> 01:10:08,716
She was talkin' about, uh,
somebody else.
1205
01:10:11,166 --> 01:10:13,475
She wasn't talking about me?
1206
01:10:13,566 --> 01:10:15,761
1221
01:10:57,366 --> 01:11:00,244
The wedding!
We'll never make it in time.
1222
01:11:00,326 --> 01:11:03,398
Never fear, for where
there's a will, there's a way
1223
01:11:03,486 --> 01:11:05,522
and I have a way.
1224
01:11:09,726 --> 01:11:12,081
Donkey?
1225
01:11:12,166 --> 01:11:14,441
I guess it's just
my animal magnetism.
1226
01:11:14,526 --> 01:11:17,563
Aw, come here, you.
1227
01:11:17,646 --> 01:11:20,319
All right, all right. Don't get
all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.
1228
01:11:20,406 --> 01:11:22,840
All right, hop on and hold on tight.
1229
01:11:22,926 --> 01:11:26,282
I haven't had a chance to
install the seat belts yet.
1233
01:11:56,646 --> 01:11:59,080
People of DuLoc
1234
01:11:59,166 --> 01:12:01,726
we gather here today...
1235
01:12:01,806 --> 01:12:03,762
to bear witness...
1236
01:12:03,846 --> 01:12:05,677
to the union...
1237
01:12:05,766 --> 01:12:08,121
1250
01:12:43,326 --> 01:12:45,840
Then you got to, got to
try a little tenderness
1251
01:12:45,926 --> 01:12:48,565
- The chicks love that romantic crap!
- All right! Cut it out.
1252
01:12:48,646 --> 01:12:52,116
- When does this guy say the line?
- We gotta check it out.
1253
01:12:52,206 --> 01:12:55,243
And so, by the power vested in me,
1254
01:12:55,326 --> 01:12:58,443
- What do you see?
- The whole town's in there.
1255
01:12:58,526 --> 01:13:01,518
- I now pronounce you husband and wife,
- They're at the altar.
1256
01:13:01,606 --> 01:13:04,040
- King and queen.
- Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
1257
01:13:04,126 --> 01:13:06,640
Oh, for the love of Pete!
1258
01:13:07,846 --> 01:13:09,802
I object!
1259
01:13:09,886 --> 01:13:11,877
- Shrek?
1260
01:13:11,966 --> 01:13:13,797
Oh, now what does he want?
1262
01:13:17,246 --> 01:13:20,158
Hi, everyone.
Havin' a good time, are ya?
1263
01:13:20,246 --> 01:13:22,362
I love DuLoc, first of all.
1264
01:13:22,446 --> 01:13:24,835
- Very clean.
- What are you doing here?
1265
01:13:24,926 --> 01:13:27,724
Really, it's rude enough
being alive when no one wants you,
1266
01:13:27,806 --> 01:13:31,003
- but showing up uninvited to a wedding...
- Fiona!
1267
01:13:31,086 --> 01:13:33,964
- I need to talk to you.
- Oh, now you wanna talk?
1268
01:13:34,046 --> 01:13:36,879
It's a little late for that,
so if you'll excuse me...
1269
01:13:36,966 --> 01:13:39,241
- But you can't marry him.
- And why not?
1270
01:13:39,326 --> 01:13:43,035
Because... Because he's just
marrying you so he can be king.
1271
01:13:43,126 --> 01:13:45,401
Outrageous!
Fiona, don't listen to him.
1272
01:13:45,486 --> 01:13:48,956
- He's not your true love.
- And what do you know about true love?
1273
01:13:49,046 --> 01:13:51,321
Well, l... Uh...
1274
01:13:51,406 --> 01:13:54,637
- I mean...
- Oh, this is precious.
1275
01:13:54,726 --> 01:13:59,197
The ogre has fallen in love
with the princess!
1276
1292
01:15:10,366 --> 01:15:13,961
This hocus-pocus alters nothing.
This marriage is binding, and that makes me king!
1293
01:15:14,046 --> 01:15:16,241
- See? See?
- No, let go of me! Shrek!
1294
01:15:16,326 --> 01:15:17,964
- No!
- Don't just stand there, you morons.
1295
01:15:18,046 --> 01:15:20,480
Get out of my way!
Fiona!
1297
01:15:25,526 --> 01:15:28,404
I'll make you regret the day we met.
I'll see you drawn and quartered!
1298
01:15:28,486 --> 01:15:31,284
- You'll beg for death to save you!
- No! Shrek!
1299
01:15:31,366 --> 01:15:34,722
- And as for you, my wife,
- Fiona!
1300
01:15:34,806 --> 01:15:37,366
I'll have you locked back in that tower
for the rest of your days!
1301
01:15:37,446 --> 01:15:39,198
I am king!
1302
01:15:39,286 --> 01:15:42,915
I will have order!
I will have perfection! I will have...
1304
01:15:47,166 --> 01:15:49,805
All right. Nobody move.
1305
01:15:49,886 --> 01:15:51,877
I got a dragon here,
and I'm not afraid to use it.
1306
01:15:51,966 --> 01:15:54,480
1324
01:17:20,126 --> 01:17:21,957
Well, yes.
1325
01:17:22,046 --> 01:17:25,163
But I don't understand.
1326
01:17:25,246 --> 01:17:27,282
I'm supposed to be beautiful.
1327
01:17:29,886 --> 01:17:32,036
But you are beautiful.
1329
01:17:34,486 --> 01:17:36,841
I was hoping this would be
a happy ending.
1367
01:19:32,926 --> 01:19:35,076
Oh, that's funny.
1368
01:19:35,166 --> 01:19:37,680
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.