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TableofContents

DoesThisSoundLikeSomeoneYouKnow?.........................................................4 BoostYourSelfEsteembyUnderstandingYourself ............................................5 BoostYourSelfEsteembyBelievingInYourself ...............................................11 BoostYourSelfEsteembyBringingBalanceBackIntoYourLife .......................15 BoostYourSelfEsteemBonus:101ProvenWaysToBoostSelfEsteem ...........18

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DoesThisSoundLikeSomeoneYouKnow?
Jennywasalwaysasensitivechildanddidnotfinditeasytomakefriendswithotherchildren.The youngestoffoursiblings,shefounditeasiertobebyherself.Herparentsfounditdifficultto communicatewithher,buttheyweresocaughtupwiththeirownfinancialandpersonalturmoilthat theyneverprobedfurther.Inschool,Jennywasconstantlybulliedwhichfurtherdentedherselfesteem. BythetimeJennywasanadult,sheseriouslylackedinselfconfidencesomuchsothatshecouldnot retainajobforlongorstayinarelationship.Shestayedawayfrommostfamilygatheringsbutthat madethingsonlyworse.Jennyrealizedtheneverendingcycleofheremotionsbuthoweverhardshe tried,shewasnotabletoovercomeit. MichellewasJennysbossatherlatestjobandrealizedboththepotentialinJennyandthetroublesshe wasgoingthrough.ShesawhowJennywasafraidtovoiceheropinioninpublicandthatshelackedin selfconfidence,eventhoughshewasveryquicktolearn,wascompetentinherjobandhadverygood ideas.MichelleunderstoodthatJennywassufferingfromlowselfesteemandneededhelp.She introducedhertoasupportgroup,suggestedtherapyandalsogothersomeselfhelpbooks. Thedifferencecouldbeseeninjustafewweeks.Jennywasfarmoreconfident,wasnotafraidto socializeandmadenewfriendsintheoffice.Thoughshewasstungveryquicklybycriticism,shewould managetogetoveritandgetworkdone.Soon,sheenrolledinacommunitycollegetogetadegreeand evenbroughtherparentsovertoseewheresheworked.MichelleknewthatJennyhadmilestogobut shehadalreadycomeveryfar. Jennysstoryislikethatofmanyotherswholackselfconfidence,arenotsureoftheirowncapabilities andtendtobeovercriticaloftheirfailures.Theysufferfromlowselfesteemandinsomecases,lose controlovertheirlivesandslowlysinkintodepression. However,inmostofthesecases,allthatisneededissomeunderstandingandsomeguidance.Most peoplewithlowselfesteemcanstarttheprocessofrestoringtheirselfconfidenceandregaining controloftheirlife,withsomeverysimplestepsthefirstofwhichistogainabetterunderstandingof yourself.

Self-esteem is as necessary to the spirit as food is to the body.

~Dr. Maxwell Maltz

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BoostYourSelfEsteembyUnderstandingYourself
Mostpeopleareunabletoordonotwanttorecognizetheirnegativeemotions.Perhapstheyhave neverlearnedpositivewaysinwhichtheycanmanagethem.Asaresult,theycopewiththesefeelings indifferentways.Somejusttrytodenythemorshutthemdowncompletelybyusingcigarettesor alcoholorthrougheating,evenshopping.Overeatingorbingeeatinganddietingarebothcloselytiedto lowselfesteemaswell.Oftenachronicdieteroryoyodietercannotevenseehowherbehavioris coveringupthebigger,underlyingissuesthatarehardtodealwith.Someactontheiremotionsalmost spontaneously,sayingordoingthingsthattheycometoregretlater.Noneofthesereactionseverlead topositiveoutcomes. Thefirstthingyouhavetorealizeisthatwhileyoucannotalwayscontrolwhathappenstoyou,youcan certainlycontrolyourresponsetothesituation.Youcanlearntostaycalmandmanageyourfeelings. Manytimesyourresponseisbasedonyourperceptionofaneventandthiscanbeverydifferentina timewhenyouarefeelingselfconfidentandgoodaboutyourselfversusatimewhenyouarefeeling verylow.Asaresult,youhavetobeawareofandmanagethethoughtsthatanyeventwilltriggerand thekindofconclusionsthatyoumaydrawabouttheevent,especiallyifitisrelatedtoyoursenseof selfworth.Inaddition,rememberthatemotionshelpustodealwithdifferentsituations.Whenyou experienceanykindofemotionalresponse,youneedtobeabletorespondtoitpositively.Theonlyway youcandothisisifyouknowwhatsituationstriggerwhatkindofemotionalresponseinyouandto whatdegree.Thendecidehowyouwouldliketobepreparedtohandlethem. Thefourcoreemotionsthataffecteveryoneareanger,sadness,fearandjoy.Ifyouunderstandwhat yourreactionsareandworkonmoderatingthemaswellasmanagingthem,youwillfeelmorein controlofyourselfandmoreconfidentofhandlingvarioussituations.First,letslookatwhateach emotionis,howeachhelpusandhowandwheretheymaycauseharm. 1. Anger Whenyouareangry,youaremotivatedenoughtochangesomethingorcorrectsomethinginyourlife thatisnotworkingforyou.However,manytimes,youmayjustbefeelinghurtorsadorlonely,andmay bycoveringitupwithanger.Ifyoudonotgettotherootofwhatismakingyouangry,youmaytendto getmoreresentful,hostiletowardthosewhoyoufeeldonotunderstandyouandmayevensinkinto depression. 2. Sadness Whenyouaresadyoutendtoreflectmore,youthinkofthesignificanceofsomethingthathasnot turnedoutthewayyouwanted.Oryoumayhavelostsomethingorsomeone.Itisnaturalwhenyouare sad,youseeksolitude.Beingaloneforsometimehelpsyoutoworkoutthesignificanceorattimesthe insignificanceofyourloss.Astintinsolitudeisgoodbecauseyoudonothavetoforceyourselfto pretendtobeanythingelsewhenyouareobviouslystillhurt.Onceyouarefeelingbetterandstronger, youcanspeaktofriendsorfamily.However,itisveryimportantthatyouarehealedinafinitetime.If yourfeelingsofsadnessarenotgoingawayorinfact,areonlygrowingstronger,youmayneedhelp immediatelyandbeingalonedoesnotnecessarilyhelpinsuchsituations. Copyright2012.GillianHoodGabrielson. AllRightsReservedWorldwide.Page|5

 3. Fear Whilemanyconsiderfearasanemotionfortheweak,fearprotectsyoufromtakingunsaferisks.Fearof somethingforcesyoutobecautiousandtotakeallnecessaryprecautions.Fearisparticularlynormal whenyouarecaughtinunfamiliarsituations.Thiscertainlydoesnotmeanthatyouareincapableof doingorachievingwhatyousetouttodo.Amoderateamountoffearisnormalandmayencourageyou totakeextraeffortsinpreparingforanunfamiliarsituation.Forexample,ifyouarepresentinga marketingreportforthefirsttimetoyourtopexecutives,thenyourfearofdoingabadjobwillforce youtoworkovertimeonthepresentation.Obviously,youreffortswillbringresultsandthefearhelped youachievesomethingverypositive.However,unrealisticfearsinsituationswherethereisverylittleor noriskatall,cancausegreatmentalstressandiscommonwithlowselfesteem. 4. Joy Thisisaveryimportantemotionbecauseitisacollectionofallthepositivefeelingsthatweexperience whenthingsaregoingwell.Itisimportanttounderstandwhatgivesusmaximumjoybecauseunder differentcircumstances,ithelpstorecallthoughtsandsituationswhereyoucanfeelthesameemotions ofcontentment,happinessandjoy. Everydayyougothroughoneormoreoftheseemotionsorthroughacombinationofthem,with varyingintensities.Thereareotheremotionsthatmayaffectyoulikelove,excitement,horror,guilt,etc. Themainproblemariseswhenyoudonotstatespecificallywhatisbotheringyouordosoonlythrough yourbodylanguageorfacialexpressionsandyouraction.Whensomethingistroublingyou,ifyoujust statethatyouareupset,youarenotclearlyconveyingwhatisbotheringyouandthisendsup confusingnotjustothersaroundyoubutyourself.Beingupsetcancovermanydifferentemotionsof differentintensities. Thebestplacetostartmanagingyouremotionsistofindwaysofcommunicatingclearlyand unambiguouslywhatyouarefeelingatthatpoint.Ifyoudonotfindwaysofexpressingyourfeelingsin wordstheywillstillcomethroughactionslikerollingyoureyesorbangingadoorwhichcanleave behindmoreunresolvedemotions,andcausefurtherconflict. Thisendsupconfusingeventhosewhoareclosetoyouandyouendupfeelingfrustratedthatnoone understandsyou.Usingwordstoexpressclearlywhatyoufeelandwhatyouneedwillhelprelieve yourselfofyourpentupemotion,willcrystallizewhatisimportanttoyouandwhatisnot,understand whatworksinwhatsituation,andwhatyoucanlivewithandwhatyoucandowithout.Most importantly,otherscanthenstartunderstandingyoubetterandthereisbettercommunicationall around. Inordertounderstandwhattherightresponsestoouremotionsorfeelingsshouldbe,oneshouldfirst knowthefollowing. Emotionscanhavebothapositiveandnegativeimpactonyou.Theyareessentiallymessages thatareconveyingsomethingtoyouandhowyouinterpretthemandactonthemwilldecide howyoumoveforwardinlife.

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Listeningtoandunderstandingyouremotionswillleadtogreatempowermentasyouwillsoon learntotrustyouremotionsmoreandmoreratherthanbeafraidofthem. Understandingyouremotionswillenableyoutomaketherightdecisionswhenitcomesto makingnewfriends,decidingwhatcareeroptionstochooseorwhereyouwouldliketomove. Youremotionswillwarnyouofupcomingrisksandalsoprepareyouformanyexciting opportunities.

Togaincontroloveryouremotionsistoregainconfidenceinyourselfandisoneofthefirststepsinthe processofhealingyourselfesteem.Herearetheimportantstagesoftheprocess.

The greatest success is successful self-acceptance.

~Ben Sweet

1. Startlisteningtoyouremotions Thereisnorightorwrongemotion.Theyarejustareflectionofhowyoutrulyfeelabout somethingandsoyoucannotdomuchabouthowyoureact.Externaleventsandhappenings oftenhaveanimpactonusanditisdifficulttostayunaffected.However,whatwecoulddois tryandunderstandwhywearefeelingwhatwearefeeling.Ifyouareabletoclearlyidentifyand nametheemotionthatyouaregoingthroughandallowyourselftofeelit,itwillhelpyouto makebetterdecisionsthenexttimearound.Itwillalsohelpyourealizewhatsituationsare importanttoyouandwhatarenot,sothatyoutakeextracarethenexttimearound. Itisveryimportanttorememberthattheresponsibilityofhowyoufeelliessolelywithyou, otherpeoplearenotblameforhowyoufeel.YoumayoftenhearpeoplesayYouirritateme whenyoudothatbutyouarereallynotresponsibleforhowtheotherpersonisfeeling.Itisyou whoisalwaysresponsibleforhowyoufeelandforyouractions. Itneverhelpstodenytheemotionsthatyouaregoingthrough.Thiscanonlyleadtomore suppressedresentment,aconfusingstateofmindandevenphysicalstress.Howeverintense theemotionsmaybeandhoweveruncomfortable,itisalwaysbettertoacknowledgethem withoutanyonecriticizingyouforfeelingthewayyoudo.Whenyoucanexperience uncomfortablefeelingswithoutthepressureofanyblamebeingattachedtoit,youcanalso experiencemorepeaceandjoy.

2. Understandtheintensityoftheemotions Asituationcancreateemotionsrangingfromverymildtoverystrongfeelings.Whenyoustart experiencingasurgeofemotion,takeaminutetounderstandwhatlevelofemotionyouare experiencing.Areyoujustmildlyannoyedorcompletelytickedoff?Howwouldyourfriendor partnerreactinsuchasituation?Itisimportanttorememberthatnoteverypersonhasthe samekindofreactionoremotionalresponse.Therefore,ithelpstoknowhowyoureacttoa particularsituation.Thisalsohelpsincomingtotermswithothersstrongreactionswhileyou AllRightsReservedWorldwide.Page|7

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maynotbeexperiencingthesamekindofemotioninidenticalcircumstances.Alsokeepinmind thatoftenifyoujusttakeabitoftimetofeelthatemotion,itwilldiminish. Whenyouexperiencestrongemotions,youmaytrytobecomeawareofthespecific circumstancesthatbroughtthemabout.Thentrytolabeltheemotionsoyouknowwhatcauses it.Forexample,wakinguplateinthemorningorbeingunabletofinishupsomeworkcancause anger. Whenyouarefeelinggoodandenergeticandifyouareabletorecognizethatearlyon,youcan makeuseofthistoaccomplishthingsthatyouhadbeenputtingoffforsometime.Similarly,if youareabletotuneintoanynegativeemotionearlyon,youcancontrolitormanageitbefore itgoesoutofcontrol.However,ifyoufindyourselfexperiencingstrongeremotionsinthesame situation,thenyoumayneedprofessionalhelptofigureoutwhatneedsattention.

3. Letoutthestrongfeelings Itisusuallyeasytodetectastrongemotionyouwillhaveaknotinyourstomach,sweaty palms,apoundingheartbeatoradrymouth.Throwingtantrumsorsmashingthingsarenotthe bestwayoflettingoffsteamnorisprovidinganexplanationsayingOh,Iwasjustsoupset. Whenyouareangry,firstfindwaysofcoolingdownandletyouremotionscalmdown.

High self-esteem isn't a luxury. It's a necessity for anyone who has important goals to achieve.
~Jack Canfield

4. Understandthemeaningoftheemotions Onceyouhavecalmeddownsufficiently,givesomethoughttotheemotionandwhatthe intensityofitmeans.Ifyouaresad,trytounderstandwhatexactlyitisthatyouare disappointedin.Ifyouhavebeenunsuccessfulorlostsomething,doesitreallymeansomuchto you?Howwillyoucomfortyourselfinsuchsituations?Isthereanyoneyoucanturntoforhelp andcomfort? Ifitisangerthatyouarefeeling,whatitisthatisangeringyousomuch?Isthereanythingthat youcanchangeorfixsothatthesituationdoesnotrepeat?Ifthesituationisnotinyourcontrol, maybeyoucantakestepstoavoidbeingcaughtinsuchsituations. Whenyouarehappyaboutsomething,enjoyyourself!Butalsoaskwhatexactlyaboutthe situationismakingyouhappy.Thiswillhelpyourecreatesuchsituationsevenwhenyouare feelingdowntobringbackhappymemories. Ifyouarefeelingafraid,itisbesttounderstandwhatitisyouareafraidofapersonorcertain consequences.Willplanningalittlemorehelpeaseyourfear?Also,ifyouclearlyanalyzewhat AllRightsReservedWorldwide.Page|8

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theconsequencesindifferentscenariosyoumayrealizethateventheworstcasescenariosare notsobadafterall.Further,ifyoutalkpositivelytoyourselforwithsomefriends,youmayfeel lessstressed. 5. Workoutyouremotions Itisbesttotoworkthroughyouremotions.Whenyoufeeljoy,youlaugh;whenyouaresad, youcry.Alltheseareemotionalreleasesandhelpyoutocalmdownquickly.Otherwaysin whichyoucanfindemotionalreleaseisthroughmusic,sports,poetry,talkingtoclosefriendsor relatives,andanythingelsethathelpsyoucontrolyouremotion.Understandingyouremotions andtalkingwithothersabouthowtheycanhelpyoumanageyouremotionswillnotonlyhelp boostyourselfconfidencebutwillalsomakeothersrespectyoumore.

Whenyoufindyourselfinthethroesofanemotionaloutburst,youcanfollowsomepracticaltechniques tojustchillout.Hereareafewofthemoreeffectiveones. Whenyoustartgettingagitated,takedeepbreaths.Theoldadageofcountingupto10still worksdosobreathingdeeplyeverytime.Thiswillhelpyoucalmdownorattheleastdistract you,reducingtheintensityofyouremotion. Indulgeinsomekindofphysicalactivitywalking,jogging,andevendancing.Physicalactivity automaticallytriggersthestressresponseofthebody,whichreactsbyreleasingendorphins. Endorphinsarethebodysnaturalpainrelieversandmoodelevatorsandwillimmediatelyresult inyoufeelingbetteraboutyourselfandmoreinchargeofyouremotions Haveasenseofhumor.Whileeverysituationmaynotbetreatedlightheartedly,trytolookat thingswithasenseofhumor.Humorreleasesendorphinsinthebody. Usevariouskindsofrelaxationtechniquestocalmdownmusic,candles,yoga,taichi, visualizationmethods,etc. Startanewhobbyorifyoualreadyhaveone,maketimeforit.Thiswillnotonlygiveyoua senseoffulfillment,itwillalsodistractyoufromnegativethoughts. Writedownyourthoughtsinajournal Tryreadinganinspirationalbookorlisteningtoasoothingtape. Haveanice,longbubblebathorjustahotcupoftea. Maketimeforsomemeditationorjustreflectioninsolitude. Becomeachildagainandplaywithachildorapet. Ifyouhaveafriendoraclosefamilymemberwhoisalsoagoodlistener,itmayhelptotalk thingsoverwiththatperson.Thiswillnotonlyhelpyouventyouranger,fearorfrustration,it willalsohelpyougetanotherperspectiveonthesituation.Infact,lookingback,youmayfind thatthingswerentsobadafterall.

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Alwaystryandplanaheaditisbesttobepreparedforanysituationasevensimplethingslike hungerortirednesscanincreaseeverybodysstress.

Allthesecoolingdownstrategieswillhelpyoutonotonlyreleaseyouremotionsbutalsogiveyou valuabletimetocometotermswiththemandsortthemoutasmuchaspossible.Thisdoesnotmean thatfollowinganyoneoftheabovemethodswillsolveyourproblemorthattherewillnotbea recurrenceofasimilarlyemotionalsituation.Thesetechniquesprovideyouwithwaystoclearyour mindsothatyouareincontrolofyouremotionsallthetimeandareabletomakedecisionsbasedon solidfactsandnothighrunningemotions.Thisisthefirststeptostartfeelingconfidentaboutyour decisionmakingabilitiesandaboutfeelinggoodaboutyourself.

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BoostYourSelfEsteembyBelievingInYourself
Apersonwithlowselfesteemhaslowselfbelief.Itisdifficultforhertobelievethatshehastheability todosomethingordoitrightandabouttakingtherightdecisions.However,selfbeliefcanberestored quiteeasilybytwoveryimportantprocesses 1. Tuningintopositiveselftalk 2. Releasingnegativeselftalk 1. PositiveSelfTalk Positiveselftalkmaynotbeabletochangeyourlifeovernightbutitisagreatwaytostartinfluencing thewayyouthink,youfeelandtherebythewayyouact.Tobeginwith,hereareafewexamplesof whatyourpositiveselftalkshouldbeabout. Helpingyouimagineapositiveoutcome.Startbyhavingaveryclearpictureofasuccessful outcomedonotyetworryabouthowyouwillgetthere.Researchhasshownthatour subconsciousmindisverypowerfulandoncetheseedofasuccessfulresultisplacedinthere,it willtakerootandwillguideyouinvariouswaystohelpmakethiscometrue.Forexample,if youareshybuthavetomakeapresentationbeforeyourcoworkers.Imagineasuccessful presentationwhereyouareconfident,abletoanswerallquestionsandreceivecomplimentson ajobwelldone. Makingaffirmations.Youhavetostateaffirmationstoyourselffromtimetotime.Affirmations aremerelypositiveselftalkstatements,whichusuallystartwithI,arebriefbutclearand alwaystalkaboutthepresent.Hereareafewexamples,Iamhealthyandstrong;Icanmakea difference;Iamagoodfriend;Ihaveuniquetalentsandabilities;evenifImakemistakes;Iama goodperson;IwanttogrowandIamwillingtotakerisksforit. Stayingpositive.Insteadofstatingthingsinthenegative,putapositivespinonit.Donotsay,I amnotafraidSayIamconfidentwhilemakingmypresentation.Similarly,keepthe statementfortoday,nottomorrow,notlater,now!Thiswillhelpyoursubconsciousmindto realizethattheresultyouwantisfortodayandfornow.UsepowerfulwordsIam.rather thanthetentativecould,should,canorwill.Forexample,Iamagood,confidentspeakerwho cancapturetheattentionofalargegroupofpeople. Keepingitsimple.Usingbriefsentenceshelpsyoursubconscioustorememberthembetter. Longramblingsentencesarequicklyforgottenandmayevenconfuseyourmind.Usesimple sentencestostartthereprogrammingofyourthoughtprocess. Keepingitbelievable.Yourselftalkandaffirmationsneedtobebelievableandreachablegoals. Theymustbesomethingthatyoutrulybelieveyoucanachieve,thereforeitisimportantthat youdecidehoweasyorchallengingyourgoalshouldbe.Decideonwhatyouwantforyourself andifthegoalseemsalittletough,aslongasyoubelieveitcanbeachieved,thereisnoreason totaketoheartwhatotherstellyou,orthenegativeselftalkmaycreepup.

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Triggerhappyemotions.Talkaboutyourpositiveaspectsalot.Thishelpstriggerhappyand joyousemotionsinyou,whichwillgiveyoumoreenergytoachievethings.Say,Iama supportiveandunderstandingpartner;Iamalovingandnurturingparent. Writedownyourgoalssoyoucanseethem,notjustthinkthem.Youcangetavarietyofindex cardsatanyofficesupplystore.Buyasetthatisconvenientforyouandwritedownevery affirmativethoughtonseparateindexcards.Whenyoucansparethetimeorwhenyouare feelingparticularlybad,takethemoutandreadeachaffirmationloudlyforyourself. AffirmingandReaffirming.Nowcomestheinterestingpart.Forabout30consecutivedays, readtheseaffirmationsonceeverymorningimmediatelyafterwakingupandonceeverynight, justbeforeyouhitthebed.Ithasbeenproventhatyourbrainisthemostreceptivetoideasin theearlymorningandjustbeforeyougotosleep.Donottakelongabout30to45seconds shouldbeenoughtoreadeachaffirmationandvisualizeyourselfinthatpositiveframeofmind. Seethepictureclearlyinyourmind,feelthepositive,almostjoyousemotionsrunningthrough you.Takeadeepbreath;enjoythemomentandthenheadforthenextaffirmation. Beabsolutelyopentoallpossibilitiesandbelievethatitispossibletomakechanges,whatever stageoflifeyoumaybein. Whenyouarevisualizingyouraffirmations,itisbestthatyouimaginetheyarecomingfroma kind,supportivevoice.Thinkofanypersonwhohasbeengoodtoyouorinspiredyoumaybe yourparent,friend,coach,orteacher.Nowimaginethemsayingthesesameaffirmativethings toyou.TheywouldsaysomethinglikeGoon,giveitatry.Youhaveallthequalifications necessaryyoucertainlydeservethisjob.Goodjob,welldone.Imaginehowbuoyedupyou wouldfeelwhenyouhearsomeonesaythingslikethisandhowmotivatedyouwouldfeelgoing forward.

Usethismethodofaffirmationsandpositiveselftalktocontinuouslyimproveyourselfimageand improveyoursenseofworth. 2. NegativeSelfTalk NegativeSelfTalkhasthecompleteoppositeeffectofpositiveselftalk.Negativeselftalkleadsto confusionandindecisivenesswiththeresultthatyouarenotabletotakecontrolofyourthoughts,your emotionsandhenceyouractionsandresults.Thisresultsinyouwithdrawingwithinyourself, withdrawingfrompeople,evenyourclosefriendsandfamily,andavoidingsituationsthatmaynewto you.Youmayreacttoyourfearandyourincreasinglonelinessbybeingsarcasticandblamingothers. Imaginehowyouwouldfeelifsomeonesaidtoyou,Youidiot!Whatwouldyouthink,howwouldyou feelandwhatwouldyoudoaboutit?Nowthinkofnegativeselftalkasmoreorlessyourownvoice speakinginasimilarmannertoyou.Youcanhearorfeelthisinnervoice,whichseemstokeepcriticizing youforeveryfailureorsetsyouupforfailurewhenyouareworkingonagoal.Doesthissoundfamiliar toyou?Forexample,youhavejustfinishedajobinterviewwhichyouthinkdidnotgowell.Youmaybe havingthesethoughtsinyourmindIamsuchafool.ThereisnowayIcangetsuchagoodjob,not afterImissedoutonsomanyquestions.QuestionstowhichIamsupposedtoknowtheanswers.Iam hopeless Copyright2012.GillianHoodGabrielson. AllRightsReservedWorldwide.Page|12

Moreoftenthannot,yournegativeselfthoughtswillkeepharpingonpastfailures;willconspicuously ignoreanythinggoodhappeningoranysuccesses,settingupimpossibletoachievestandardsof perfectionandleadyoutobelievethatothersalsothinknegativethoughtsaboutyou.Infact,youmay findyourselfthinkingandworrying,ratherthangoingaheadanddoingthings. Whileitisbesttotuneoutnegativethoughtsfromyourmind,theydogiveusaclueastowhatmaybe goingoninourminds. Negativethinkingmayhelpyouunderstandthattherearecertainsituationsorcertainissues thatmakeyouangry,sadorfeelhurt.Youneedtounderstandtheseemotionsandfindawayof releasingthem. Whenpeoplewithlowselfesteemstarttothinknegativethoughts,theyaremorelikelythan not,tosinkfurtherintonegativethoughts.Theywillexperiencemoreemotionsofanger, anxietyandsadness. Negativethoughtsattimepreventyoufromevenmakinganattemptatsomethingnewifyou areextremelyanxiousaboutsomeresult,negativethoughtswillkeepcomingintoyourmind, tellingyouthatthereisnowayyoucaneversucceedinyourattempt.Youwilllistentothis voiceandgiveuptryingandofcourse,youranxietyiscompletelyrelieved.Thiskindofnegative thinkingcanbefatalbecauseitisselffulfilling.Youkeepgettinganxiousoftryingsomething newforfearoffailure,yourcriticalvoicetellsyou,youareboundtofailandyouneverattempt it.Howwillyoumoveforwardorgrowifyouareafraidoffailureallthetime?Infact,this attitudemaybecomesomuchapartofyourlifethatthisistheonlyselfimageyouwillhave. Itisentirelypossiblethatasachildyouwerenotsubjecttotheencouragementorpositive thoughtsthateverychildshouldbeprovided.However,thatshouldnotbereasonforyouto feelnegativethroughoutyourlife.Itispossibletomakepositive,goodchangesinyourlifeat anystage.Allyouneedistheknowledgeofhowtodosoandthedeterminationtomakeit happen.

Alongwithpositiveselftalkandreleasingnegativeselfthought,thereisonemorestepthatisclosely associatedwiththeseprocesses.Thisistheabilitytonotbeafraidofmakingmistakes.Asyoucontinue togrowandlearninlife,youwillmakemistakes,sometimessmallandinconsequential,sometimeslarge andlifealtering.Whatisimportantisthatyoutreateachandeverymistakeasanopportunitytolearn andbecomeabetterperson.Beingaperfectionistisverycommoninpeoplewithlowselfesteem. Whenyouaretryingsomethingneworriskytherewillbemanywhowillnotsharethesameenthusiasm withyou.Theymayexpressanythingfromgravereservationstofrankcriticismofwhatyouaregoingto do.Someofthesemayevenbepeoplewhoareclosetoyou.Evenhealthyrelationshipsarenot exceptionstothesekindsoffearsandnegativity.Atsuchtimes,youhavetoreaffirmtoyourselfthat youarecapableandworthwhileandthatwhatevertheresult,itisnotgoingtoaffectyoursenseof worth.Onceyoufeelsosecureofyourself,youwillbeabletohandleanymistakesthatyoumakeina positivemanner. Thisappliesevenifyourmistakestendtoaffectsomethingorsomeone.Lookingback,itcanseem obviouswhyacertainmistakewasmadeorhowitcouldhavebeenavoided.Butyouwouldhavemade Copyright2012.GillianHoodGabrielson. AllRightsReservedWorldwide.Page|13

adecisionbasedontheinformationthatwasavailabletoyouatthatpointoftimeanditdoesnot behooveanyonetocriticizeyouneedlessly,whenthesamethingscanbesaidinamorepositive manner. Ontheotherhand,ifyouhaveamadeamistake,itisyourresponsibilitytoacknowledgethatit happened,apologizefortheconsequencesandacceptthatyouwillhavetodowhateverisnecessaryso itdoesnotrepeat.Takingresponsibilityinthismannerformistakesthatmayhavemadeeven inadvertentlynotonlyboostsyourownselfesteemandselfrespectbutwillalsomakeothersrespect youmore.Thisissomuchbetterthantryingtodenythatyouhadanythingtodowithitormaking excusesorworseyet,blamingothersforthemistake.Ifyoufeeltheneedtorespondtointense, continuouscriticism,takedeepbreathssothatyoustaycalm,collectyourthoughtsandexpressyour opinionsclearlyandpolitely,protectingyourselfrespectatthesametime. Finally,justasyouwouldexpecttobetreatedinapositivemannerwhenyouhavemademistakes,itis bestthatyouletgoofotherswhohavemademistakesinthesameway.Treatthemwithcompassion andunderstanding,likeafriendwhohasmadeamistakeandneedsguidance.Forgivenesscantakea loadoffyourmindandwillrestorealotofpositiveenergy.

If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.
~Vincent Van Gogh

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BoostYourSelfEsteembyBringingBalanceBackInto YourLife
Manypeoplewillspendanentirelifetimechasingafteradreamonlytorealizethatistoolateheor shehasmissedoutonsomeveryimportantthingsinlife.Alwaysconsideryouroptionscarefully,butbe suretotakeactionaswell. Lifenowadaysisfullerandmoreexcitingthaneverbefore.However,thisalsomeansthatthereare oftentoomanythingsdemandingequaltimeandenergyfromyou.Itisveryimportantthatyoutake timetoreflectonwhatexactlyyourprioritiesinlifearerightnow.Ofcourse,thingschangeaslife progresses.Whileayoungchildmaybeaprioritynow,acareermaybemoreofapriority10yearslater. Whenyouarethinkingofpriorities,thinkofwhatyouwantinthenextyear,two,five,tenortwenty years.Makesureyouarespecificandthenwritethemdown.Ofcourse,yourprioritiesdependagreat dealonyourvaluesandwhatyouthinkisimportanttoyouatparticularstagesinlife. Yourvaluesaretheprinciplesthatyoubelieveinorthatyouthinkareimportant.Whattheseprinciples are,willdecideyoursetofvalues.Itisveryimportantthatyouareclearaboutyourvalues,astheywill playanimportantroleinbuildingyourselfesteem.Yourvalueswillguideyouinyourdecisionsandthe goalsthatyousetforyourself.Ifyouaresureofyourvaluesandyoustickbythem,youwillmake decisionsthatarewiseandarerightforyou.Thiswillhelpboostyourselfesteem. Thekindofvaluesthateverypersondevelopsisnormallydependentonthekindofneedstheperson has.

Smallchildrenwillgrowupwiththevaluesystemofthepeopletheyloveandseekapproval from. Teenagersaremorequestioningoftheirparentsvaluesandgomorebywhattheirpeersand friendsbelievein. Intheworkingworld,youmayfindyourselfmovedbythevaluesandbeliefsofyourcolleagues ormanagers.

Thus,asyougothroughlifeanditsvariousstages,yougainavarietyofexperiences.Youvaluesystemis asumtotalofwhatyoubelieveinfromalltheseexperiences. Beawarethatsomeofthesevaluesmightbecomeveryrigidandrestrictiveifyouarenotcareful. Itisgoodtomakeyourchildseducationatoppriority,butpushingthechildtogointoareasthat areneithersuitedtothechildsabilities,learningstyleorpersonalinterestscanonlycausemore harmthangood. Fitnessandexercisearehealthyandbeneficial,uptoacertainpoint.Moreisnotalwaysbetter. Tryingtoachieveaperfectlytonedbodyandresortingtoundernourishmentorsteroidstoachieve thismayagainonlyendupcausingmoredamage.

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Wantingtohaveacleanandorderlyhomeandteachingsuchdisciplineinchildrenisagoodthing. However,pushingittolimitswherethesmallestamountofdirtcancauseyoutobeangryorupset willonlyturnyourfamilyagainstyou.

Thebestwaytodecideyourvaluesistoaimtodothefollowing:

Letyourvaluespermityoutomeetyourbasicneedsintheareasofimportancetoyoubutat thesametimestayinbalancewiththeneedsofothers. Theyshouldnotrestrictyoufromaskingforhelpwhenyoufeelyouneedit. Yourvaluesshouldbeyourownandshouldnotjustbehandeddownfromyourparentsoryour society,nevertobequestioned.Theymaybeshapedbymanyofyourexperiencesbutyou shouldconstructthefinalmold. Yourvaluesshouldstillgiveyouthefreedomtomakemistakes,thecouragetotake responsibilityforthemandthecapabilitytolearnfromthem. Yourvaluesshouldenableyoutosetgoalsforyourselfthatareachievable,realisticandyet fulfilling. Makesurethevaluesyouchoosearetrulywhatyoubelieve.Avoidchoosingavaluebecause youthinkyoushouldvalueit.

Someoftheareasaboutwhichyoumayhavestrongvaluesandthatmayhavemajorimportanceinyour lifecouldbe Yourrelationshipswithfamily,friends,colleagues,children Youreducationandyourcareer Yoursenseofspirituality Yourhealthandthehealthofyourfamily Financialsecurityforyouandyourfamily Yourcommunity Yourartisticexpressions

Youcandecideonyourprioritiesbyansweringsomesimplequestionsabouttheseareas. Whichoneofthesedoyouthinkmattertoyouthemostatthisstageoflifeandwhichwouldyou regretcompromisingon? Doyouthinkyouarespendingenoughenergyandtimeintheareasthatyouvaluethemost?

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Areyouspendingtoomuchtimeonyourcareerwhilecaringtoolittleaboutyourhealthoryour family?Willyounotminditwhenyouhavegrownupchildrenwhomyouneverhadchancetoknow andnowthattheyaremovingoutofyourlife,youwishyouhad? Areyouspendingtoomuchtimeonleisureactivitiesandalmostnoneonreflectionormeditation?

Answeringthesesimplequestionswillhelpyoudecidewhatareasandthingsthatyoucaredeeply about.Thiswillhelpcrystallizeyourprioritiessoyoucanmotivateyourselftoworkhardinachieving yourpriorities.Understandingandbeingabletoworktowardgoalsthatareconnectedtoyourpersonal and/orprofessionalvalueswillinspireyouwhenyouareworkingandstrengthenyourselfesteem.

The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.
~Sonya Friedman

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BoostYourSelfEsteemBonus:101ProvenWaysTo BoostSelfEsteem
1. Donotcompareyourselfwithothersunnecessarily.Whiletryingtoseekinspirationfromothersisa positivesign,usingcomparisonstocriticizeyourselfortoputyourselfdownisnot. 2. Stopusingnegativestatements.DonotsayIcanneverloseweight;Icanneveraffordtobuya fancycarlikemycousin. 3. Affirmationsareaneffectivewaytoreprogramyourmind.Usebrief,positivestatementsabout yourselftoreinforceyourselfbeliefandbuildyourselfesteem. 4. Keeprepeatingaffirmativestatementswheneveryouhavethetime,butespeciallyduringearly morningandlatenighttimes.Researchshowsthesearethebesttimestointroduceyourbrainto newideasandnewthoughts.Asyourbraingetsusedtothethoughtsyouintroducetoit,youwillbe surprisedtofindyourselffindingnewcreativewaysofachievingyourgoals;waysyouhadpreviously neverimagined. 5. Selfconfidenceisnotarrogance.Arroganceisanattitudeofpeoplewhofeeltheyaresuperiorto othersandbehaveinsuchamanner.Beselfconfidentandsecureinyourpositionwhilebeing understandingofothers. 6. Keepajournalinwhichyoucanwritewhatyouhaveexperiencedeveryday.Ifyouhavehada pleasantexperience,writedowntheexactcircumstancesthatmadeyoufeelthatway.Thiswillhelp yourecreatethesituationwheneveryoureadthepassageandwillhelpyoufeelgoodjustasyou hadonthatday. 7. Usethejournaltonoteuncomfortableemotionsthatyoumayexperience.Againnotedown specificallywhatthecircumstanceswerethatmadeyoufeelthatway.Nowtrytodetermine whetheryoucancontrolormanageyouremotionsbetterthenexttimeyoucomeacrossasimilar situation.Ifyoufeelyoucannot,youshouldexplorewhetheryoucanavoidbeinginsuchasituation. Allthesewritingswillincreaseyourawareness,helpyougainbettercontroloveryouremotionsand reactionsandhencemakeyoumoreconfidentinyourself. 8. Whentherearedisturbingevents,trytoidentifywhatissodisturbingaboutthesituation.Couldit bethatyouhavebeenlookingformoreexternalapprovalthanlisteningtoyourownintuitionor values?Ifsoitmaybemoreacaseofhurtpridethananygenuinereasonforyoutobeangryor hurt. 9. Setcleargoalsforyourselfforallareasofyourlifepersonal,professional,healthandspiritual. Writedownwhatyouwouldliketoachieveandwhereyouseeyourselfone,two,fiveandtenyears fromnow.Tellyourselfthatyoudeservetoachievethesegoalsandthatyouhavetheabilityto achievethem. 10. Foreachgoalyouwritedown,breakitintoshorttermgoalsand/oractions.Createacalendar containingreasonabledeadlinesforreachingeachgoaloraction.Asyoucompletetheseshortterm

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goals,youwillhavethesatisfactionofknowingthatyouaregettingclosertoachievingyourlong termgoalsandyouwillfeelmoreconfidentthatyouwillreachthem. 11. Ifyouarefeelingafraid,identifyyourfearsandthentrytoconfrontthem.Visualizingyourselfas overcomingyourfearswillmakeyouovercomeyouruneasinessandmakeyoumoreconfident. 12. Youcanfeelconfidentwhenyouknowbothyourstrengthsandweaknesses.Knowingyour weaknesseswillquicklytellyouwhenitistimetoseekhelpfromothers,soyoucanspendmore timeonyourstrengths. 13. Stayoptimisticandpositivewhateverthesituation.Whileitistruethatyouwillbefacingsomevery toughchallengesinlife,theonlywayyoucantrulyfacethemisbystayingpositive.Whenyouare facingatoughsituation,thebestoptionistoseehowyoucantackleitormakeitbetterratherthan complainingendlesslyaboutit. 14. Manypeoplethinkofoptimismasastateofdenial.However,thatisnottrue.Stayingpositiveand optimisticimpliesbeingawareofwhatthecircumstancesareandtakingsteps,important,positive, proactivestepstofindsolutions. 15. Identifyandovercomeyourfeelingsofjealousy.Donotletjealousycloudyourjudgment.Learn fromthesuccessofotherstoplanyourown. 16. Practicebeingassertive.Youhavetolearntostandupandprotectyourselfrespect.Evenifyou havemadeamistake,youdonothavetotakeunconstructivenegativecriticismfromanyone. 17. Howevergreatthepressure,learntosaynowhenyouthinknecessary.Ratherthancompromiseon yourvalues,youshouldbeassertiveandprotectthem.Youwillfeelproudofyourselfandyourself confidencewillbestrengthened. 18. Youhaveuniqueabilitiesandtalentsthatwillbringyousuccessinwaysdifferentfromothers.Learn toacceptcomplimentsandyoursuccessgraciouslyandwithoutanyjustification. 19. Itisveryimportantthatyouexerciseregularly.Exercisewillmakeyoufeelbetteraboutyourself andwillbringyouobviousphysicalbenefits.Takeupanactivitythatyouenjoyandmore importantlythatyoufeelyouwillbeabletotakeupregularly.Donottakeupsomethingvery ambitiousstartsmall.Justwalkingorrunningwheneveritfitsinyourdaywillmakeadifference.If youdonotfeelmotivatedenoughwhenyoudoitalone,trytogooutwithafriend. 20. Whenyouarefeelingemotionallydisturbed,oneofthebestthingsyoucandoisfindemotional releaseinamannerthatyoufindsatisfying.Somefindgoingforaquickwalkrelaxingwhileothers prefertorelaxwithmusic. 21. Ahealthybodyneedsahealthymind.Taketimeofftomeditateorreflectinsolitudeforatleast fifteenminutesaday.Practicingmeditationaccompaniedbydeepbreathingwillalsohelpyou manageyouremotionsbetter. 22. Adequatesleepisveryimportanttoyouroverallwellbeing.Makesureyougetyourneededquota ofsleepeverynight.Donoteattoomuchorwatchdisturbingnewsorreadadisturbingnoveljust

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beforeyougotosleep.Readinspirationalnovels,affirmationsorpleasantstoriesbeforeyougoto bed.Ifyouwakeupfeelingrefreshed,youwillnaturallyfeelmoreconfidentaboutyourself. 23. Learntohavefunwithwhatyouaredoing.Whilethismaynotbepossibleineverysituation,often thereisasenseofdrearinesstowhateverwehavetodo.Thinkofwaysyoucandowhatyouare doingandstillhavefun. 24. Haveasenseofhumor.Whileagain,thismaynotbepossibleatalltimes,havingasenseofhumor willallowyoutolookatyourmistakesdifferently,makingyoumorecapableofquickly acknowledgingthemandtryingtorectifythem. 25. Beawareofyournegativeemotions.Whenyoustartexperiencingnegativeemotions,takestepsto distractyourself,andassoonasyoucanseekreleaseforthem.Keepingthempentupinsideofyou isnothealthyandmayleadtomoreproblems.Beingabletoquicklyidentifyyouremotionsand actuallymanagethemwellwillhelpbuildyourselfesteem.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.
~Buddha

26. Takecareofyourrelationships.Understandthatyouneedtotreatothersthewayyouwouldliketo betreated,withrespectandunderstanding.Insteadofsayingsomethinghurtfulthatyoumayregret lateron,learntotakeapause,calmdownandreturntofinishtheconversation. 27. Startmakingtimeforyourself,yourfamilyandyourfriends.Spendmoretimewithyourchildren. Takeyourpartneroutforaromanticdinneroraromanticweekendgetaway.Rediscoveroldfriends. Beinginnurturingrelationshipswillhelpyoufeelbetteraboutyourselfandhelpyouregainyour selfesteem. 28. Merephysicalexerciseisnotenoughtohaveahealthybody.Eathealthybalancedfoodsandgofor yourregularcheckups.Knowingthatyouarehealthyandphysicallyfitwillmakeyoumorepositive aboutthefuture. 29. Wheneveryoufearnegativethoughtsenteringyourmind,turntomorepleasantthoughts.Thinkof timeswhenyouwerehappyandatpeace,maybetimesofsuccess.Trytorecreatethesceneinyour mindandyouwillfeelmuchcalmer.Whileconstructivecriticismcanbehelpful,trytostayaway fromoverlynegativepeople.Stayclosetopeoplewhoarepositive,supportiveandencouragingof you. 30. Ditchperfectionism.Itisanunattainablegoalandwillonlyhelpyoufeelfrustratedandloweryour selfesteemwhenyouarenotabletoreachyourperfectgoal.Alwaysstrivetodothebestyoucan. 31. Aspartofyouroverallgoalstrategy,keepsmallgoalsforeveryday.Itcouldbeassimpleaslooking upsomeinformationorpickingupthephoneandspeakingtoafriendwhoyouhavenotspokento inyears.Dosomethingeverydaythatwillgiveyouasenseoffulfillmentandimproveyourself esteem. Copyright2012.GillianHoodGabrielson. AllRightsReservedWorldwide.Page|20

32. Whenyouarefeelingdown,spendsometimeinnature.Takenaturewalks,watchsomebirds, admiretheflowersorjustwalkonthegrasswithbarefeet.Whateveryoudo,spendyourtimebeing onewithnature.Youwillbeinfluencedbythebeautyofitandyouwillfeelyourspiritsrising. 33. Startanewhobbyorgetbackintouchwillanoldone.Havingahobbyisagoodwayofreleasing stressandnegativeemotionsattheendofalongday.Learninganewhobbyalsobringsthesame benefitsandwillalsogiveyouasenseofaccomplishmentbylearningsomethingnew. 34. Keepadiarytonoteallthathappenedintheday;particularlythoseeventsthatmadeyoufeel proud.Mentionwhichspecifictalentsorabilitiesofyourshelpedyouwithyourachievement.This willnotonlybolsteryourselfconfidencetremendouslybutwheneveryouarehavinganykindof selfdoubts,youwillbeabletoreadbackthesepassagesandtellyourself,thatyouareindeed capableofachievingmanythings. 35. Learntopraiseyourselfevenforwhatmaybesmallachievementsandlearntoaccept compliments.Writedownexactlywhatyoudidrightinyourdiaryalongwiththespecific complimentsthatyoureceived.Thesecaninspireyouandmotivateyoutodomore,especiallywhen youarefeelingalittledown. 36. Whenyouhaveachievedanygoaloratarget,treatyourself.Encourageyourselftodomoreand decidetotreatyourselfbetterwhenyoumakeevenmoresignificantprogress.Forexample,treat yourselftoanicedinnereverytimeyoudowellinyourcommunitycollegeandpromiseyourselfa vacationwhenyouactuallygetthedegree. 37. Itisbesttoforgivethosewhohaveerredagainstyouratherthancarryingagrudgeforever.Thisis notonlymentallystressfulbutcanhaveanadverseimpactonyourphysicalhealthaswell.Givingup onpastgrudgesandforgivingotherswillmakeyoufeelalotbetter,yourmindwillfeellighterand youwillbeabletolookforwardtothefuturewithgreateroptimism.Rememberthatforgivenessis aboutyou,notthepersonyourareforgiving. 38. Learntoforgiveyourself.Donotbeburdenedbythoughtsofguiltandregret.Thoughwhatyoudid mayhaveconsequencesforothers,itisbestthatyoutakeresponsibility,acceptyourmistakeasa mistakeandquicklytrytofigureouthowtorectifymatters.Acceptingyourmistakedoesnotmake youaweakperson,onthecontrary,youareabravepersonandotherswillseeyouassuch. 39. Donotdenyyouremotions,howeveruncomfortabletheyare.Manytimes,asituationissopainful, thatyoumaybeovercomebystrongemotions.Denyingtheseemotionswillonlyleadtogreater resentmentandmayeventuallyexplodeinunwantedwaysatunexpectedtimes.Ifyoufeelthe emotionsyouarefeelingaretoostrongforyoutoovercomealone,takethehelpofafriendor professionalhelp.Gainingcontroloveryouremotionsisveryimportantforpositiveselfesteem. 40. Youshouldstopallkindsofnegativethoughtsthatgothroughyourmind,particularlythecritical ones.Keepreadingorrepeatingyouraffirmationstoyourselfsothatyourmindstartsthinkingonly positivethoughts. 41. Donotbeafraidofgettingintoanewsituation,whetheritisprofessionallikeanewjobor personal,likeanewrelationship.Youranxietymaymakeyoushrinkawayfromnewopportunities

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forfearoffailure.However,thatisalwaysselffulfilling.Trytostaypositiveanddetermineddespite possibleoutcomes. 42. Youmaywishtochangesomeaspectsofyourlifebutmaybethinkingthatthereisverylittleyou candoatthislatestage.Understandifyouwanttomakeanychangesinyourlife,youcanachieve thematanystage. 43. Simplydesiringchangeisnotenoughonehastofindabalancebetweenwantingchangethatis realisticandchangethatischallenging.Ifyousettoohighagoal,youmaynotbeabletoreachit andmayendupfeelingevenworseaboutyourself.Ontheotherhand,settingverysimplegoals maynotbringaboutthechangethatyouarelookingfor.Setgoalsthatarefairlychallengingbut whichyouareconvincedyoucanachieve. 44. Neverbeafraidofmakingmistakes.Thisfearwillalwaysmakeyouuncertainandindecisive,making youloseyourselfconfidence.Alwaysbequicktoownuptoyourmistakesandtakethemasan opportunitytolearnandgrow. 45. Evenifyouhavemademistakes,rememberthatnobodyhastherighttomakenegativeor unconstructivecriticismofyou,includingyourself.Donotputyourselfdownorallowanyoneelseto dosostanduptoothersfirmlybutpolitely. 46. Everysuccessthatyouachieveisimportantwhetherothersconsideritbigorsmallshouldnot mattertoyou.Youshouldvalueeveryoneofyoursuccessesthereisnothingmorepowerfulto boostyourselfconfidence. 47. Whenyougainpraisefromothersorfeelsatisfiedaboutanachievementofyours,donotlookatit doubtfully.Everyoneiscapableofsuccessandyoushouldunderstandthatyoudeserveyours. 48. Attimes,spendingallyourtimeinthehustleandbustleoflifecandrainyourspirit.Ithelpsto rejuvenateitbytakingsometimeforyourselfbyspendingsometimealone.Youcandoanything thatwillhelpbringinnerpeacemayitbemeditationorlisteningtomusic.Findthatonethingthat willbringyousolacesothatyoucanfacelifewithrenewedvigor. 49. Themonotonyoflifeattimescanreallybreakyourspiritanddentyourselfconfidence.Takesome timetobringinchangeplaywithyourchildrenorgoawaywithyourpartnerforaweekend.Allow yourselfabreakandyouwillfindyourselffeelingalotbetterandalotmoreconfident. 50. Youshouldalsoplanonlongervacations.Bespecificaboutwhereyouwouldliketogoandenjoy planningforthem.Thiswillhelpyoukeepyourspiritsandconfidencelevelup.Makealistofthings thatyouwouldliketodoinyourvacation.Takingawelldeservedvacationandcomingbackfeeling restedwillmakeyoufeelmuchbetteraboutyourself. 51. Donotcarryanyemotionalbaggagethatyoucanletgoof.Manytimesourpastexperiences, especiallyaschildren,haveadeepbearingonhowwefeelnow.Itispossiblethatasachild, someonemadefunofyoubecauseofyourheightorbackground.Despiteovercomingallthat,there maybetimeswhenyoufeelasenseofshameandyouarenotsurewhereitiscomingfrom.Ifyou areabletoidentifywhattriggersit,learntoputitbehindyou.Ifyoucannot,seekprofessionalhelp sothatyoucangrowasapersonandboostyourselfesteem.

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52. Ifsomeonehasoffendedyouorhurtyouinanintentionalmanner,youmaybecarryingastrong grudge.However,carryingthisgrudgeinsideyoufortoolongisonlygoingtomakemattersworse. Youaregoingtobeconstantlybitterandthatisgoingtotakeatollnotonlyonyouremotional healthbutalsoyourphysicalwellbeing.Ifyouletgoofpastgrudges,youwillfindyourselffeelinga lotmoreconfidentinyourself. 53. Nevertakeanythingforgrantednotevenyourclosefamilyandfriends.Alwaysbegratefulfor whatyouhave.Whenyoustarttakingthingsforgranted,theslightestinconvenienceisblownoutof proportionandyouperceiveinsultswheretherearenone.Thiscanreallybringdownyourself esteem.Ontheotherhand,beinggratefulandappreciativeofwhatyouhavewillmakeyoumore confidentofwhatyouhavebeenabletoachieveandotherswillrespectyoumoreforshowingthis appreciation. 54. Donotprovideimmediatereactionstoanysituationorperson.Ifsomethinghashappenedor someonehassaidsomethingtoangeryou,respondwithassertiveness,notaggression.Taketimeto calmdownandthenreactinamorecontrolledmanner.Thiswillboostyourconfidenceinyour abilitytohandleeventhemosttensesituations. 55. Planningandpreparingforthefutureisapositivesignwhilesimplyworryingaboutitwillonlyleave youpermanentlyconcerned. 56. Understandthatthemostpreciouscommodityyouhaveistime.Ifyouwastethepresentmoment infruitlesspursuitsorunnecessaryworry,youarelosingsomethingirretrievable.Lateryouwill cometoregretallthetimeyouhadwastedandwillfeelverydisappointedinhavingdoneso.This willcausefurtherdamagetoyourselfesteem. 57. Beingconstantlyactiveandmakingfulluseofallyourtimeinthepursuitofpositivethingswillhelp keepyouinacheerfulframeofmindandboostyourselfesteem. 58. Ifthereareanyincidentsinyourpastthathavecausedyouanytrauma,youneedtotakestepsto healthem.Youmaybeabletodothiswiththehelpofyourfamilyandfriendsoryoumayneed professionalhelp.Whicheverwayyouchoose,youneedtocometotermswithyourtraumaand startthehealingprocess.Youremotionalhealthwillimproveandyouwillfeelmoreselfconfident. 59. Youneedtofirstandforemosttakeresponsibilityforthewayyourlifeistodayandwhereitis heading.Whileothersmayhavehadaroletoplayinshapingit,itisyourresponsibilitytoletitrun thewayithasbeenortodosomethingpositiveaboutit. 60. Lookforagoodrolemodel.Understandwhathasmadehimorhersosuccessfulandsoself confidentandlearnfromthat. 61. Treatyourfailuresassteppingstonesanddwellmoreonyourachievements,toderivepositive thoughtsfromthem. 62. Takestepstofeelgoodaboutyourselfgroomyourselfwell,buysomenewclothes,giveyourselfa completemakeover. 63. Actveryconfidentlyandassertivelyyouwillseesomeimmediateresults.Youwillfeelfarmore confidentrightaway. Copyright2012.GillianHoodGabrielson. AllRightsReservedWorldwide.Page|23

64. Donotfocustoomuchonaspectsorabilitiesthatyoulack.Youmaynothavetheabilitytoengage agroupormakethemlaughbutyoumaybeaverysincereandloyalfriendwhosticksbyothers. Focusontheseattributes. 65. itissaidthatbeingwellpreparedishalfthejob.Thisisabsolutelytrue.Beingillpreparedonlysets youupforfailureanddentsyourconfidence. 66. Workcontinuouslyonimprovingyourskillsoracquiringnewonessothatyouneverfeelinsecurein yourjoboranyjobthatyoumaybelookingfor. 67. Haveabunchofrelaxationexercisesreadyusewhenyouarefeelingparticularlystressed. 68. Standstraightandwalkstraight,regardlessofhowyoufeel.Thiswillmakeyoulookandfeelmore confident.

Having a low opinion of yourself is not "modesty". It's self-destruction. Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not "egotism". It's a necessary precondition to happiness and success.
~Bobbe Sommer

69. Breakupeachoneofyourmaingoalsintosmall,moreeasilyreachablegoals.Whenyouachieve thisgoal(nomatterhowsmall),itwillbeataskoffyourcalendarandyouwillfeelmoreconfident havingachievedsomething. 70. Lifeisnotaracemeanttodecideawinnerandaloser.Compareyourachievementswithyourown inthepastandnotothers.Yourselfconfidencedependsonyourneedsandabilities. 71. Changeyourdiettryeatingmorefreshandbalanceddiets.Youwillnotonlyfindyourselffeeling muchbetterphysically,youwillfeelmorerefreshedinthemind. 72. Makesureyouaregettingenoughrestandrecreation.Withoutthesetwo,itwillbedifficultforyou tobeatyourpeakwhenyouaretryingtoachievesomething. 73. Fixyourselfuptofeelgoodlikefixingyourteethforexample.Ifyoulookgood,youwillfeelgood. 74. Takesomegroomingtipsandchangeyourstyletoreflecttheideasthatreflectyourpersonality. 75. Ifyoubuyawardrobeinkeepingwiththetrendsandcolorsoftheday,youwillfindyourselffeeling muchbetteraboutyourself,nottomentiongettingadmirationfromfriends,familyandcolleagues. 76. Manypeoplenowadaysaretreatingeyeglassesasanotherfashionaccessory.Ifyoufeelyour glassesaremakingyoulookold,outdatedandareloweringyourselfesteem,goinforanewpairof stylish,brandedeyeglassesorthinkofcontactlenses. 77. Wheneveryoustartcomparingyourselfwithothers,stopimmediately,takeastepbackandthink ofallthewonderfulthingsinyourlife.

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78. Writedownyoursetofprioritiesyourimmediaterequirements.Writingthemdownandsticking tothemwillgiveyougreatsatisfaction. 79. TheNewYearneednotbetheonlytimeyoumakeresolutions.Anytimeyouarefeelinglowon confidence,makearesolutiontoachieveordooneofthethingsthatwillbringyoumaximum satisfaction. 80. Considerchangingyourjobifitisnotgivingyousatisfactionandyoudonotenjoydoingwhatyou do.Exploreallpossibilitiesandifyoufeelstronglyyoudonotlikeyourcurrentjob,findanotherone. 81. Makeyourfuturefinanciallysecureoneofthebestwaysofboostingyourselfesteem,itisvery importantthatyousavewellandinvestwiselysothatyourfutureissecure.Ifyouneedhelp,talkto aprofessionalfinancialadvisor. 82. Whenyoucansparethetime,makeabrieflistofhabitsyouwouldliketostopandhabitsyou wouldliketodevelop.Makethelistandstartfromnow. 83. Donotcollectanythingandeverythingforthesakeofsentiment.Youwillonlyfindyourself collectinganendlessamountofstuffwhetheritbeanoldsubscriptionthatyouhavenotletgoof oroldphotos,getridofthemattheearliestopportunity. 84. Planforareallyexoticoradventuroustrip.Insteadofgoingtostandardtouristspots,goexplore placesonyourown.Youwillbegivenafreshperspective,whichwillinfluenceyourthinking. 85. Whilespeaking,youshouldspeakataslowsteadystatethatshowsyouareincontrolratherthan speakingexcitedlyandnotmakinganysense. 86. Runningisoneofthebestwaystogetyouradrenalinpumpingitdispelsallnegativethoughtsand yoursenseofphysicalfitnesswillalsoleaveyoufeelinggoodaboutyourself. 87. Joinasupportgroupyouwillmeetpeoplewhohavegonethroughoraregoingthroughsimilar issuesandyouwillfindawonderfulplethoraoftipsandadvicethatyoucanusetoboostyourself esteem. 88. Joinasportsleaguelikebowlingorbasketball.Youwillmeetnewfriendsanduseyourtime constructively. 89. Forasenseofachievementandtomakelifeinteresting,learnanewlanguage. 90. Usepracticalmethodstorememberandrelivegoodmemories.Lookatyourfootballtrophies, rerunyourprofessionalsuccesses,andpulloutpicturesofhappydays. 91. Musicwithsometoetapping,heartthumpingrhythmcanimmediatelyfillyouwithenergy. 92. Wheneveryouarefeelingalittledown,watchrerunsofmoviesthatmakeyoufeelhappyand gratefulaboutyourlife. 93. Talktopositivefriendsandfamilywhenyourselfesteemislowtheyareyourbiggestsupporters andsympathizers.Theywillpointoutyourpositiveandstrongaspectsandworktirelesslytorebuild yourselfconfidence. Copyright2012.GillianHoodGabrielson. AllRightsReservedWorldwide.Page|25

94. Trytobeauthentic.Donotcopyotherstheirlooks,theirideasortheirvaluesystem.Themore originalyouare,thebetterrespectedyouwillbe,boostingyourselfesteem. 95. Whilespeaking,makeeyecontactwithothers.Evenwhenyoumadeamistake,learntospeak equallyassertively. 96. Donotletasituationcontrolyou.Believeinyourabilitytobringaboutchangesinthesituationand behaveaccordingly. 97. Justasyouwouldnotwantotherstobecriticalofyou,youshouldalsolearntonotbeoverlycritical ofothers.Yoursuccessisnotmeasuredbythefailuresorthemistakesofothersandyour confidencewillbeseeninthemeasuredwayyoureacttofailuresofothers.Beconstructiveand carrythemwithyoutocollectivelyachievesuccess. 98. Beingselfconfidentisbeingopenabouteverythinginlife.Youneednotbeafraidofanysecrets affectingyourstatus. 99. Focusonsolutionsratherthanyourproblems.Ifyouhaveaweightprobleminsteadofworrying aboutit,seewhatsmallstepsyoucantaketowardsfindingasolutionforit. 100. Finishsomethingthatyouhavebeenputtingoffforalongtimehoweverharditmaybe perhapsaphonecalltoafamilymemberyouareangrywithorjustthecleaningoftheattic. Finishingtheseupwillgiveyouasenseoffulfillment. 101. Empoweryourselfwithknowledgeaboutwhatyoucandotoimproveyourselfconfidence. Researchmore,andreadmorefrombooks,websites,magazinesandeducationalinstitutions.

Self-care is never a selfish actit is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.
~Parker Palmer

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