Daphne Pofek Professor Topf English 114B 26 January 2014

Improvement of

riting

!ast semester in English 114" I ha# to $rite several #ifferent papers% &ne of the paper $e ha# to $rite $e $ere re'uire# to get in a group( )hoose a topi)( resear)h( an# $rite a final paper% The topi) that my group )hose $as vivise)tion an# $hether it $as ne)essary or not% *ivise)tion is the a)t of )utting of or operation on a living animal usually for physiologi)al or pathologi)al investigation+ ,roa#ly- animal e.perimentation espe)ially if )onsi#ere# to )ause #istress to the su,/e)t% This paper en#e# up ,eing one of the ,est papers I ha# $ritten last semester% In this essay I ha# to $rite a proposal( #o an annotate# ,i,liography( make a senten)e outline( $rite my final essay( an# finally make a )lass presentation% "fter #oing all my resear)h I ,elieve that vivise)tion is ne)essary% In my paper I ,elieve I ha# some strong areas as $ell as some $eaker ones% There $as $ays I )oul# have improve# my $riting to make the essay ,etter as a $hole% 0irst I $ill give you a ,etter un#erstan#ing as to $hat vivise)tion is an# $hy I ,elieve $hat I ,elieve% *ivise)tion is another $or# for animal testing% "nimal testing has ,een going on sin)e the an)ient greeks an# there has ,een )ontroversy ever sin)e% 1o$ever I ,elieve the vivise)tion is one hun#re# per)ent ne)essary% I ,elieve this ,e)ause it has lea# to many me#i)al a#vantages an# has given us ne$ me#i)ines an# surgery pro)e#ures% &thers argue that the pro)e#ure is )orrupt an# it is unne)essary ,e)ause the a#vantages $e have in te)hnology to#ay

make it so that $e #on2t nee# animals to #o all of these #ifferent test on% In or#er to prove my opinion I #i# a great amount of resear)h on the topi) to get a ,etter un#erstan#ing an# )ame up $ith evi#en)e to support $hat I ha# to say% 1o$ever( there $ere several $ays I )oul# have improve# my paper% Throughout my essay I ha# a fe$ grammar errors an# )itation errors% I nee# to learn ho$ to #o a ,etter goo# of #oing in3te.t )itations% I also ma#e the mistake of not ,lo)k 'uoting a 'uote that $as longer then four lines% 0or e.ample in my paper I use# this 'uote( 4"nimal resear)h for animal health also has resulte# in many life3saving an# life3e.ten#ing treatments for )ats( #ogs( farm animals( $il#life an# en#angere# spe)ies% Pa)emakers( artifi)ial /oints( organ transplants( free#om from arthriti) pain( an# va))ines for ra,ies( #istemper( parvo virus( infe)tious hepatitis( anthra.( tetanus an# feline leukemia )ontri,ute to longer( happier an# healthier lives for animals%5 an# $hen I use# this 'uote I #i# not ,lo)k 'uote or #o an in3te.t )itation% &ne $ay I )oul# have improve# on this area $as to #o more resear)h an# figure out ho$ to #o these kin# of things% I )oul# have also aske# for help or visite# the !67 to get a se)on# eye on my paper% "s for my grammar errors those have resulte# of #oing a poor /o, on going through my paper )arefully an# )orre)ting them% In or#er to prevent having so many grammar errors I )oul# also get someone else to look over my paper or I )an /ust simply rea# it out to )at)h anything that #oesn8t soun# right or make sense% These are the t$o main issues that my paper nee#e# improvement on% "s $ell as having $eaker points in my essay it also ha# some strong areas as $ell% &ne of the strong parts of my essay is I #i# a goo# goo# at having a )lear thesis an# proving that thesis% In or#er to prove my thesis that vivise)tion is ne)essary I #i# plenty of resear)h to get a ,etter un#erstan#ing of the topi) an# to ,e more )re#i,le% Just ,y simply #oing this it resulte# in having a strong thesis% " )ouple $ays I supporte# my evi#en)e is I $oul# provi#e# fa)ts(

statisti)s( an# several 'uotes from top resear)hers aroun# the $orl#% 0or e.ample( a )ouple of the fa)ts I use# in my paper $ere( 4"s a result of vivise)tion $e have ,een a,le to make huge /umps in )an)er resear)h% e have foun# me#i)ines that have le# to a 10%9: in)reases in life

e.pe)tan)y% "lso the #rugs #o)tors use for )an)er have )ame from ;0360: of animal testing% Be)ause of vivise)tion )hil#ren leukemia survival rates have /umpe# from 4: to <0: an# $e are no$ a,le to prevent an# #ete)t lung )an)er%5 By using these fa)ts it ma#e my thesis even stronger an# gave me more )re#i,ility% "nother thing I #i# $ell in my paper $as having goo# organi=ation% I #i# a goo# /o, at keeping my essay very )lear an# transitioning from one point to another% &ne thing I #i# that helpe# my $ith this is I ma#e an outline ,efore I even $rote my paper% By #oing this it gave me ,etter stru)ture an# ma#e my paper flo$ $ell% >y professor last semester really stresse# the pro)esses that le# up to our final #raft% ?ome of the pro)esses $e learne# an# ha# to #o ,efore every paper $as to $rite a proposal( make an outline( an# #o an annotate# ,i,liography% By her making us #o those things it ma#e $riting our final #raft easier an# more organi=e#% ?he also stresse# using ethos( pathos( an# logos% By #oing this it makes our papers more )re#i,le an# keeps your rea#er intereste#% This past semester I learne# a lot a,out myself as a $riter% I learne# $hat my strengths an# $eakness are% By learning my strengths an# $eakness I have )ame up $ith $ays that I )an ,etter my $eakness an# make my strengths even stronger% I learne# a lot a,out rea#ing an# $riting in this )lass% I learne# ho$ to put more #epth in my $riting an# $hat )an make a pie)e of $riting more )re#i,le% I also learne# a lot a,out ethos( pathos( an# logos% By the en# of this past semester I learne# that ,eing a goo# $riter takes a lot of $ork an# I still have things I )an improve on% I $ill )ontinue to improve at ,eing ,etter at e#iting my papers an# fin#ing $ays to make my papers more )re#i,le% I $oul# like to improve my $riting ,y ,eing a,le to provi#e my

rea#ers $ith an ans$er to the 'uestion so $hat@ I also $ant to ,e a,le to have less grammar errors an# e.plain $hy my topi) is important% important that it is something I am goo#% riting $ill ,e a ,ig part of my future so it is

orks 7ite# Definition of vivise)tion A*ivise)tion%A Merriam-Webster.com% >erriam3 e,ster( n%#% Bhttp-CC$$$%merriam3$e,ster%)omC#i)tionaryCvivise)tionD% e,% 29 Jan% 2014%