The Importance of Failing The day had finally arrived.

The envelope that contained a few simple numbers had been delivered into my mailbox on that July afternoon and within moments of seeing the mail-truck turn off of my street; I raced to grasp the envelope in my hands. It all came down to this moment- or at least I thought so at the time. I felt completely conflicted: half of me wanted to tear open that sealed envelope to reveal my ! scores from my "unior year in high school# while the other half of me wished to forget about this envelope and put it aside until I had the courage to see my results. $y impatient personality triumphed over the notion to put the results away. I paced nervously around my kitchen until a rush of adrenaline rushed over me and I tore into the envelope. I unfolded the contents and glanced through the superfluous words and searched for numbers. %omething caught my eye: the score of my ! &anguage and 'omposition test. To my dismay# a measly two caught my eye. The rush of adrenaline was gone in an instance and was replaced by feelings of disappointment and failure. I could not believe how a single sheet of paper could make me feel like so lousy. (ever in my entire schooling career had I felt like a failure; I had always received good grades and school had never been overly difficult for me until I entered my "unior year of high school. )or as long as I can remember# everybody has always told me how important your "unior year of high school is. ccording to the ma"ority of the people in my life# college admissions offices placed great emphasis on classes# grades# and activities of your "unior year. I was well aware of this stereotype and conse*uently I was slightly nervous upon the first day of my eleventh year of school.

+ithin a few weeks of the start of my "unior year# I felt fairly confident about my classes and I had eased into the academic routine that had become second nature to me# with the exception of my ! ,nglish class. ,nglish had always been one of my favorite sub"ects in school. I learned to read when I was four years old and had been passionate about reading ever since. I had always en"oyed writing in school as well; therefore I would never have imagined that an ,nglish class would be such a struggle for me. I knew from the first day of ! &ang. - 'omp that this class would be a challenge for me. $y teacher expected us to think# read# and write in an entirely new way. I even vividly remember my teacher instructing us .we would never read or write in the same manner after we took her class/. 0oy was she right. Throughout the first semester# I felt as if I was re-learning how to read and write at seventeen years old. lthough I struggled in the beginning# by the time second semester rolled around I finally had figured out what I was doing. %omething clicked in my head and all of a sudden I began to comprehend this new# 1college-level2# way of ,nglish. In fact# I grew to en"oy this different approach to ,nglish. s in any ! class# the month of pril is crucial regarding reviewing and prepping for the ! test in early $ay. $y teacher knew what we needed helped with and knew how to go about it in such a way that was not monotonous as most review usually is. s such# when the day of the ! test arrived# I felt fully prepared and ready to express the knowledge I had gained over the past nine months. +ithin three hours# the test was complete and all that was left was a waiting game. +alking out of the test room I felt confident about both sections of the test# multiple choice and essay# and knew there was nothing more I could do until that slim envelope would be delivered to my house in early

July. $y score did not ruin my entire summer# however it did change how I viewed myself. I had always succeeded in school and for the first time in my life# I felt incompetent. I no longer en"oyed reading or writing and I was dreading the fact that come senior year# I would be faced with ! &iterature and 'omposition with the same teacher as "unior year. I knew that my ! score had been sent to my teacher and I knew she2d be disappointed. %he was well aware of my struggles that I had overcome that year and I did not look forward to having to face her again. I walked into my ,nglish class senior year with a preconceived notion that I would fail once again. I had no expectations because I could not bear the thought of such disappointment for something I used to feel so confident about. I could not of been happier when the bell rang and I was dismissed from my ,nglish class# however# my teacher asked me to come see her after school. .3reat#/ I thought to myself# .%he2s going to want to talk to me about my score/. )or the rest of the day# I could not get my mind off of the impending meeting. )or probably one of the first times in my life# I did not want the bell to ring at 4:56 signaling the end of the school day. 7owever# I can2t control time and when the bell finally did ding# I wandered up the stairs to the ,nglish department office. (ever in my life had I had to unwillingly go talk to a teacher. I greeted her with an awkward 1hello2 and nervously sat down. . llie/ $s. %ayers started# .I wanted to talk to you about your ! score. I want to start off by saying that I am not disappointed in you./ .+hoa/ I thought to myself# .8id she really "ust say what I thought she said9 %ure enough I had heard correctly. To my surprise# my conversation with $s. %ayers

played out in an entirely different manner then I had perceived. nd I walked out with an entirely new perspective on the value of grades and test scores. $s. %ayers assured to me that ! test scores are not as important as they are perceived to be. %he reminded me that my intelligence would never be accurately and realistically be measured by a number. %he even extended that idea as far as to include letter grades. s a teacher# she informed me# grades and test scores mean nothing to her. %he could care less if we got a one or a five on the ! test. +hat she did care about however was that her students are challenged into growing and developing into literate adults throughout the course of her class. $s. %ayers was adamant in expressing to me that in her eyes; I had excelled in her class by overcoming the obstacle of viewing reading and writing in an utterly innovative way. :f course my teacher was not telling me that school was no longer importantwhat she was trying to stress to me was that the learning process itself should be valued more than the grade in which you receive. s my senior year progressed# I began to reali;e that school should be about enriching yourself with a passion for learning rather than about stressing over a letter grade. It was not easy for me to alter my view of school and learning# in fact it took me seventeen years# one bad test score# and one awesome teacher for me to fully understand what school really should be about. I hope that society can learn to de-emphasis the meaning of grades and test scores and emphasis the importance of every student discovering what school and learning truly means to them as I learned what school truly means to me