How To Play The Saxophone: First things first: If you're a white guy, you'll need a stupid hat, the

more stupid the better and preferably a beret. Sunglasses are optional, but all the really, really good players wear them, espe ially indoors. !ou'll also need some "gig shirts"#Hawaiians are good, but in a pin h anything with a loud floral pattern is a eptable, as are T#shirts from $arious %a&& lubs and festi$als. The good thing about the latter is that you an get them mail order so you don't ha$e to go to all the trouble of a tually seeing and hearing li$e musi . 'nd sandals are an absolute must, e$en in winter. (n e you'$e assembled the proper attire you an begin pra ti ing. (ne of the most important things about playing is being able to on$ey emotion to the audien e. This you do through $arious fa ial expressions. The two emotions you'll need to on$ey are )*+ rapture , e stasy and )-+ soul wren hing pain and sadness )i.e., the blues+. !ou may find it useful in the beginning to borrow a page from the method a ting s hool. So, for example, to on$ey rapture, try thin.ing of something ni e#li.e puppy dogs or getting a rim %ob from /ma Thurman while Phil 0arone feeds you 'rmour hot dogs with truffle sau e. To on$ey the "blues" try thin.ing of something really appalling#li.e ul erati$e olitis or 'le 0aldwin. !ou should pra ti e your fa ial expressions in front of a mirror at least two hours per day. !ou may feel a tad stupid at first, but you'll ne$er get the hi .s if you don't %ump around on stage li.e a mon.ey#with your fa e s rewed up li.e there's a rabid wol$erine de$ouring your pan reas. 'nd, bottom line, getting hi .s is really what musi 's all about. 1ext, you'll need the orre t ligature. Some people thin. that the ligature is %ust a stupid old pie e of metal that holds the reed on the mouthpie e. 2ell, those people are idiots. 0esides your beret, the ligature is the single most important pie e of musi al e3uipment you will e$er buy. 4ine, for example, is 567 platinum and 867 titanium9 one s rew is rubidium and the other plutonium. It ma.es me sound exa tly li.e 0oo.er :r$in would if 0oo.er :r$in wasn't )*+ dead and,or )-+ li$ing on 4ars. !ou may ha$e to spend years and years and thousands of dollars finding the proper ligature, but in the end it definitely will be worth it. 1ow reeds. (ptimally, you'll want to mo$e to ;uba, grow and ure your own ane, and ar$e your own reeds by hand. If you're %ust a "wee.end warrior" howe$er, you an get by with store#bought. First, buy ten boxes of reeds #*66 in all. 1ext, open all the boxes and throw away 86 reeds. Those were unplayable. Ta.e the remaining reeds and soa. them in a mixture of -<.=7 rubbing al ohol and <-.-7 pituitary gland extra t for a period of *< wee.s. Throw away -6 more reeds. Those were stuffy. Ta.e the remaining -6 reeds and sand ea h one for exa tly *> se onds with ?*-66 grade >4 sandpaper. Throw away *5 reeds. Those s3uea.ed. Ta.e the remaining 8 reeds and soa. them for another *< wee.s, this time howe$er in a mixture of -<.=7 pituitary gland extra t and <-.-7 rubbing al ohol. Sun dry the 8 remaining reeds for > wee.s, optimally at an e3uatorial latitude, and throw away > more %ust on general prin iples. !ou now ha$e > reeds that will last you se$eral months if you play ea h one only -6 minutes a day in stri t rotation. 1ow, you say you %ust bought a horn. 'lthough you didn't say what .ind it is I'd sell it immediately and get a different one. The best one to get would be a Selmer 4ar. @I made at 5:-< P4 on Aune *5, *B8>, serial number 8>CC5>. If you an't get that one though, generally spea.ing the older and more expensi$e the better. The following brands are good: Selmer Paris 4ar. @I. The following brands su .: any other Selmer, !amaha, ;onn, 0eus her, !anigasawa, ;annonball, D', Aupiter, :l.hart, Eing, 4artin, Eeilworth, 0oosey and Haw.es, ;ouf, Sil$ertone, and Holton. (n no a ount should you play the horn before you buy it: go stri tly on reputation and pri e. !ou will also need some a outrements: a flight ase apable of withstanding atmospheri pressure of dP F # Gg d& where G and g are, respe ti$ely, the density of air and the a eleration due to gra$ity at the altitude of the air layer and

d& is a hori&ontal layer of air ha$ing unit surfa e area and infinitesimal thi .ness9 a metronome9 a tuner9 a ombination alto#tenor#baritone sax stand with pegs for an oboe, bass larinet, flute, english horn and bassoon9 0and in a 0ox9 e$ery Aamie 'bersold play#along re ord e$er reated9 a reed utter9 swabs, leaners, pad sa$ers, pad dope, pad lamps9 a Sennheiser Gigital *6B- 2ireless 4i rophone9 an effe ts rig with digital delay and parametri :H9 and a -66 watt )per hannel, minimum+ amplifier and *=" monitor. It will be helpful if you listen to lots of sax players. /nfortunately, listening solely to players you li.e is absolutely the worst thing you an do. To really understand the musi and its traditions you ha$e to go ba . to the beginning and listen to e$ery bit of musi e$er re orded. I'd start with madrigals and wor. forward. (n e you get to the -6th entury, pay parti ular attention to players li.e Aimmy Gorsey, Sidney 0e het, and 'l Iallodoro who are the foundations of the modern %a&& saxophone. In no time at all, or by -6>5#whi he$er omes first#you'll be able to nderstand the uni3ue be#bop stylings of players li.e ' e ;annon, 0oots Jandolph, and Sam 0utera. Finally, to play the sax itself, blow in the small end and mo$e your fingers around.