Natalie Fry Opinion Writing February 27, 2014 Column #2 Juan Pab-no On Monday nights, there is typically one

place you can find just about every hopelessly romantic female glued to her TV salivating over The Bachelor. And while us, girls, have not quite stopped watching this season, I think it is safe to say we are no longer salivating. Why? The Bachelor himself, Juan Pablo. Whoever came up with the idea to make Juan Pablo Galavis the star of season 18 of ABCs hit reality series, The Bachelor, thought terribly wrong. Ladies across the nation loved him when he competed for Desiree Hartsocks hand in marriage in season nine of The Bachelorette, but considering he got little air time and only made it midway through, it goes to show that the majority of that love for him was, in fact, lust. I watch this show religiously. I have mentally accepted every rose from nearly every previous hunky Bachelor (i.e. Sean Lowe, Brad Womack), narrowed down the contestants until hes on one knee as if I had modeled it after a fantasy football bracket and even cried yes, cried tears of happiness and tears of sadness (now would be a fair time to pass judgment). But this season has a completely different dynamic. As Chris Harrison would exaggeratingly say, Its the most dramatic season yet. I dont know about that, but it sure is something. The following are the top five reasons that after 18 seasons of The Bachelor, Im unwilling to mentally accept a rose from Galavis:

1. Too many tongue baths: Maybe if Galavis had spent even half as much time actually having a conversation with the ladies rather than charming his way into steamy make out sessions or randomly brushing imaginary stray hairs out of their faces, he would actually be able to form some sort of valuable connection with one of them beyond infatuation. 2. He hides behind his daughter: Okay, maybe this one is a little harsh, but let me explain. One minute hes giving contestant Clare Crawley a slap on the wrist for seducing him for a late night swim, and the next minute he has his tongue down the throat of another contestant. Ay yi yi, Galavis. Get it together. How can you go from wanting to make your daughter proud to almost routine on-screen kissing with multiple women? Im sure little Camila would be filled with approval. And for the sake of all things holy, he loves his daughter, but he is playing up the doting daddy role a bit too much. 3. The language barrier: The 32 year old has made history as the first Latino Bachelor. Galavis is originally from Venezuela, but he currently resides in Miami. Although hes lived in America for the majority of his life, he still speaks fairly broken English. I cant stress enough how frustrating it is to have to rewind my TV six or seven times an episode just to try and understand the words coming out of his mouth. I wouldnt doubt that his voice alone has kept some Bachelor fans from watching his season. 4. Hes self-centered: The most I could do was yell at my TV and huff and puff with anger each time Galavis found some sort of excuse to talk about himself; and lets be honest, that wasnt very effective. So, thank the Lord for fan favorite and rumored next Bachelorette, Andi Dorfman, who finally pointed out his conceit. After she accepted Galavis invitation to spend the night in the fantasy suite, she left feeling unsettled. We all understand the reality of the show, Dorfman included, but that does not mean she is

interested in hearing about him shacking up with other contestants. She claims he flaunted his overnight stay with Crawley and reversed every story she told back to himself. And after a heated conversation with him (probably their first of the season), she clicked her heels and returned home. 5. I cant recall a season in which nearly all of the contestants were against their exlover at the infamous Women Tell All episode. Monday night was the exception. Galavis faced the ladies who he publicly dumped and just less than 100 percent of them had some not so nice things to say. Id say thats a precise reflection of the season. Since the season premiered on Jan. 6, I questioned tuning in each week. But my diagnosable addiction to the series (thats been on since I was 11 years old) wouldnt let me. Galavis started with 27 bright-eyed, cleavage-bearing ladies who vied for his heart to no avail. After ten weeks of watching him spearhead a pathetic season, there were two rival contestants Crawley and Nikki Ferrell both of which I think a blind person could see there is no lasting connection worthy of marriage. Nonetheless, Galavis will ask one of the ladies to as-ept his final rose and a sparkly Neil Diamond engagement ring on the season finale Monday night at 7 on ABC.