Bringing up a

Muslim child
Owning a sacred responsibility


Mirza Yawar Baig

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The first and biggest mistake that Muslim parents make
is to believe that their responsibility is like that of any
other parent. As was the practice of the kings of old,
princes and princesses were taught differently from
ordinary people. This is not about any misplaced
arrogance or sense of false superiority but of
recognizing ones responsibility as a parent and doing
what it takes to fulfill this trust.

A good way to understand this is to see how child
prodigies are brought up. They are not given the same
education as everyone else. The entire focus of their
education, both formal and informal, is based on the
eventual role that they must play. Only then can the
true glory of the gift that they have been bestowed
with, come forth. Children born to Muslims have been
gifted with Imaan. They are not ordinary children. To
treat them as if they were is to deny them their
opportunity to make a mark in the world. With the gift
of Imaan comes the responsibility of conveying it to
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others. Muslim parents must be conscious of this sense
of mission and accomplish it as the highest priority.
I believe that it is essential for Muslims to ensure that
their children are taught 5 foundational essentials:

1. Who they are: being Standard Bearers of Islam
2. Connection with Allah : Tawheed & Uboodiya
3. Connection with Rasoolullah : Sunnah & Being a
member of the Ummah
4. How to take from the treasures of Allah : Salah &
dua
5. Giving to the world: Charity & Daawa

Who they are: being a Standard Bearer of Islam

Allah said:

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Aal Imraan 3:110. You [Muslims] are the best of
peoples ever raised up for mankind; you enjoin Al-
Ma'rf (good) and forbid Al-Munkar (evil), and you
believe in Allh.

Muslim children therefore must be brought up always
with the final aim of leading the world into Jannah, in
mind. They must be carefully watched, nurtured and
mentored from the earliest age.

This is the meaning of Tarbiyya. They must be given
tasks of graduated difficulty so that they learn to win on
their own. They must be allowed to face their fears and
to conquer them. They must be supported but not
protected. They must be advised but not told what to
do. They must be allowed to take their own decisions
but not without the benefit of the frame of reference of
the value of Tawheed, Sunnah, honor, fairness,
responsibility, accountability, nurturing and trusteeship.
They must be allowed to feel, to cry in the night for the
hardships that others undergo, to build friendships and
relationships that span the boundaries of color, race,
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religion, nationality and much more difficult, social order
and prejudice.

Akhlaaq: The Key Differentiator

It is when parents bring up self centered children
focused on consumption, that in their fight to get the
most for themselves, they think nothing of breaking
family ties. When children are focused to what they can
contribute and with a constant awareness of Al Aakhira,
they will work for the benefit of others and win hearts
and minds to Islam in the process. It is the connection
with Allah that is the primary responsibility of the
parent to build and constantly strengthen and which is
the biggest and best protection against all the evil that
seems to surround us, ever more closely.

The biggest mistake that parents make is not to define
boundaries. Parents must parent. Many parents today
seem to be too focused on being friends to their
children at the expense of parenting. In this endeavor
they bend over backward trying to be nice to the
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children and basically do whatever the children want
them to. Boundaries are therefore never firm and clear.
They are always open to negotiation and children push
the boundaries until they get what they want from
parents who have confused parenting with being
friendly. Parents must remember that their children can
have many friends but they have only 2 parents.
Parents have been assigned the role of parenting.
Every other role is optional. The only assigned role is
that of parenting and so they need to do that first and
foremost.

Children are forever testing boundaries. So these must
be clear. For example, that you can disagree with
parents on issues provided you do it in the right way by
being respectful and not cheeky. That cheekiness is not
cute, it is insulting. That joking and insulting are two
different things. That assertiveness is to insist on your
rights without violating the rights of others. That
aggressiveness is to violate the rights of others. One is
commendable, the other is reprehensible. That caring
for your environment (read: home, office, bathroom,
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car, garden, pets etc.) is your job and not the job of
parents, or servants. Servants are supposed to clean the
home once in a day. Not every time the child makes a
mess. It is a common sight in the East, especially in
wealthy family homes, to see the mother or a servant
picking up after the child who is a moving litter creator.
Children must learn that making a mess of the home or
your own room is not acceptable. That your room is
your own but not to do with or in as you please. That
the rules of the home apply even inside your room.

Children must be taught how to speak to elders and
teachers and to their own younger siblings. They must
learn that respect is due to age, learning and character;
not due to possessions and money. They must learn
that their behavior will define them and that when they
show respect for others they are merely demonstrating
their own upbringing and bringing honor to themselves
and those who brought them up. When they are
disrespectful the contrary is equally true. Being
disrespectful is not insulting to the other person; it
merely demonstrates the dishonorable nature of the
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doer. It is strange that today it is very common to ask
someone, How are you? Only to hear the rude
answer, Good!. Thats all. No, Very well, thank you.
And how are you? It is common for people to speak
without saying, Please or to take things without asking
permission or to simply walk away after having stamped
your foot or kicked your briefcase or sneeze in your
face; and not bothering to say, Im sorry. Muslim
children were once known for their upbringing. Not any
more.

Children must be taught that meal times are sacred
because the home is not a hotel where one can simply
order room service. Meals, especially the one meal at
which the whole family eats together, may not be
missed or interrupted. Mealtime is for the family and
any family guests. It is okay to invite friends to a meal
at home but not okay to talk to them on the phone
while the rest of the family eats. Children must learn
that their guests must also follow the rules of the family
home. That exams, games, TV shows, football, cricket
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or basketball matches and so on are not acceptable
excuses for missing the family meal.

Naturally it is the parents who have to set the norm. If
the father misses the meal without comment, then so
will the child. If the father sits in front of the TV
because he wants to see what happened to his favorite
team and to be able to do that, moves the meal to the
living room so that everyone eats mechanically with
eyes glued to the screen, then this will become the
norm and he will have no moral authority to insist that
the children do something different. If parents sit in
their favorite chair and shout out to the servant to get
this or that, so will the children. If parents litter, children
will too.

If parents pay children to wash cars, mow lawns, clean
attics or garages, instead of personally doing these
things taking the children along with them, then children
will learn that as long as they can throw money at some
poor person to do their work, they need not care for
their own environment. Not only will they not learn to
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take care of their common spaces but they will also
learn to treat some jobs with disrespect and to look
down on those who do those jobs.
Each of these things above can be linked to one or more
of the evils of our society. A society that is stratified
according to economic circumstances, not according to
knowledge, moral values or being honorable. A society
where people dont care for other people. Where the
self is worshipped and indulgence is the supreme goal.
Where freedom is defined as the ability to indulge your
whims with impunity, even when some of this
indulgence may be breaking the laws of God or country.

Where the law is applied differently based on who has
the money to circumvent it or to get out of trouble by
paying their way. Where the ones who create the
corruption by paying to get benefits out of turn, then
turn around and whine about what a corrupt society we
have. Where justice is denied to some because others
pay speed money to an educated judge and then they
complain about how corrupt the judiciary has become.
Where the fact that the effect of ones own activity,
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speech or conduct may be infringing on the rights of
others, is not even part of any discussion.

They must be taught Akhlaaq (manners) that will
differentiate them from the rest and make them stand
out as Standard Bearers of Islam. Apart from all things
to do with social graces and politeness a Muslim child
must be taught those things that Allah considered
important enough to mention in the Quran. Allah said:

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Al Hujuraat 49:10. The believers are nothing else
than brothers (in Islm). So make reconciliation
between your brothers, and fear Allh, that you may
receive mercy.11. O you who believe! Let not a group
scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are
better than the former; nor let (some) women scoff at
other women, it may be that the latter are better than
the former, nor defame one another, nor insult one
another by nicknames. How bad is it, to insult one's
brother after having Faith [cursing, using bad
language]. And whosoever does not repent, then such
are indeed Zlimn (wrong-doers).12. O you who
believe! Avoid suspicion, indeed some suspicions are
sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would
one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You
would hate it (so hate backbiting) . And fear Allh.
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Verily, Allh is the One Who accepts repentance, Most
Merciful.
Muslim children must learn that Islam is not just a set of
rituals of worship but a complete way of life where
duties to people are mentioned with duties to Allah .

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` ` `
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Muminoon 23:1. Successful indeed are the believers.
2. Those who offer their Salt (prayers) with all
solemnity and full submissiveness.3. And those who
turn away from Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk,
falsehood, and all that Allh has forbidden).4. And those
who pay the Zakt .5. And those who guard their
chastity 6. Except from their wives or (the captives and
slaves) that their right hands possess, for then, they are
free from blame 7. But whoever seeks beyond that,
then those are the transgressors 8. Those who are
faithfully true to their Amant (all the duties which Allh
has ordained, honesty, moral responsibility and peoples
trusts) and to their covenants; 9. And those who strictly
guard their (five compulsory
congregational) Salawt (prayers) (at their fixed stated
hours).10. These are indeed the inheritors.11. Who
shall inherit the Firdaus (Jannah).They shall dwell
therein forever.
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All these things will make the Muslim child a walking,
talking example of the Way of Islam and will
differentiate him from the rest and make him a
benchmark and a role model for others.
This is the essence of Islam and the example that
Rasoolullah and his Sahaba left for us, when they
used to say to anyone who asked about Islam, Become
like us. That was because they were Islam personified.
And that is the first duty of the Muslim parent to
mould the child in the Islamic Way by demonstrating.

Criteria for decision making

Life is full of decisions; there is seldom a time in our
lives when we arent grappling with one tough decision
or another. Whether its related to work or family, or to
any one of countless other aspects of life, we constantly
find ourselves asking questions like should I or
shouldn't I? or should I go in this direction or that? We
go back-and-forth between what seem to us to be
equally good options, not knowing which will bring us
the most benefit in the long term.
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We live in a world where access to information is ever
easier, faster and more comprehensive. There is huge
penetration of technology which has made life both easy
and more complex. We are deluged with information on
a daily basis which leaves most people bewildered and
unable to make sense of what they are seeing or
reading. The result is a society that is for the most part
ill informed if one is to translate information as
understanding. Most people simply dont have the tools
to make sense of what they are presented with. It is
therefore necessary for parents to equip their children
with these tools. I believe there are two tools which are
critical to this process: Integrity and a focus on creating
a legacy.

Integrity: I define integrity as the willingness to
become a standard bearer for your beliefs and values.
To be willing to be held to account for them and to have
the confidence that he will not be found lacking when
that happens. Integrity is the honesty to be true to
yourself. To have complete congruence between belief,
thought, word and action. To live what you believe in
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and value. Integrity is to focus on your legacy and
always to ask, What do I want to be remembered for?
Integrity is the ability to look yourself in the face and to
accept your mistakes and not make excuses for them. It
is the willingness to accept responsibility for your words
and actions and their consequences and to make
amends if those are undesirable.

Creating a legacy: The second criterion for decision
making is to differentiate between short term and long
term and to visualize what the long term effects of
present decisions are likely to be. As Muslims it is to
remember that one day we will be called to account
before Allah for what we did or chose not to do.
Children must be taught to analyze their options in
terms of their potential consequences and while we
have no knowledge of the unseen or the future, good
analysis can help us to see possible scenarios and to
decide intelligently between them. When this is done it
is essential to focus on the long term and not do things
which may seem beneficial immediately but are likely to
have gravely negative consequences in the long run.
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Almost every national or international problem that we
face today is the result of making shortsighted decisions
for short term gain. All easily avoidable if only the focus
of decision making had been to create a legacy of
honor.

Connection with Allah: Tawheed & Uboodiya

Muslim children must be taught to connect with Allah .
They must be introduced to Allah , to His Majesty and
His Glory; to His accounting on the Day of Judgment. To
the duty that we owe to Him, to be grateful for all that
He has given us and to judge ourselves by the integrity
with which we fulfill this duty. They must grow up with
a profound sense of Uboodiya (sense of being a slave of
Allah ) whose only purpose in life is to submit to
Allah completely in everything that they say or do.
Muslim children must grow up hearing the name of
Allah , the recitation of His Word in all its power and
majesty. They must grow up hearing the name of His
Messenger and the stories of his life. Muslim children
must grow up with confidence in their Deen, with pride
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in being Muslim, with their hearts beating for the love of
Allah and with love for His Messenger and a sense
of belonging to the global brotherhood of Islam; the
Ummah.

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Al Hashr 59: 21. Had We sent down this Qur'n on a
mountain, you would surely have seen it humbling itself
and rending asunder by the fear of Allh. Such are the
parables which We put forward to mankind that they
may reflect. 22. He is Allh, than Whom there is L
ilha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but
He) the All-Knower of the unseen and the seen (open).
He is the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.23. He is
Allh than Whom there is L ilha illa Huwa (none has
the right to be worshipped but He) the King, the Holy,
the One Free from all defects, the Giver of security, the
Watcher over His creatures, the All-Mighty, the
Compeller, the Supreme. Glory be to Allh! (High is He)
above all that they associate as partners with
Him.24. He is Allh, the Creator, the Inventor of all
things, the Bestower of forms. To Him belong the Best
Names. All that is in the heavens and the earth glorify
Him. And He is the All-Mighty, the All-Wise.
Muslim children must grow up seeing their parents
subordinating their lives and their desires to Allah and
to the Deen that His Messenger brought. They must
grow up with the awe of nothing but Allah in their
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hearts, seeing their parents joy in submitting to Allah ,
actively seeking opportunities to do more and more. The
Muslim child must understand the meaning of
connection with Allah by seeing the look of intense
devotion and concentration on the face of his parents
when they stand in Salah. She must feel the love of
Allah kindled in her heart by listening to the Quran
recited with love, understanding and a longing to meet
its author. She must feel the trembling of her heart
even when she hears words that she may not
understand yet. Allah must not be a strange word to
her, mentioned only during worship. Allah and His
Messenger must be mentioned often and related to
the daily activities of parents and children until they
become part of their existential awareness.
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Zumar 39: 22. Is he whose breast Allh has opened to
Islm, so that he is in light from His Lord (as he who is
non-Muslim)? So, woe to those whose hearts are
hardened against remembrance of Allh! They are in
plain error! 23. Allh has sent down the best statement,
a Book (this Qur'n), its parts resembling each other in
goodness and truth, oft-repeated. The skins of those
who fear their Lord shiver from it (when they recite it or
hear it). Then their skin and their heart soften to the
remembrance of Allh. That is the guidance of Allh. He
Guides therewith whom He pleases and whomever Allh
sends astray, for him there is no guide.
A Muslim child, brought up right, will yearn to learn the
Quran that hes heard his parents recite so well. He will
not need to be persuaded, much less forced, to do so.
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Children imitate and learn to respect and value what
they see their elders valuing. If they see their elders
valuing money over everything else, that is what they
will value. If they see them value Allah and the
Sunnah of Rasoolullah , that is what they learn also to
value. If they see their parents changing, justifying,
twisting or simply ignoring the rules of Islam in order to
fulfill their desires, they also learn that it is acceptable to
live a life of hypocrisy claiming to be Muslim, yet
disobeying Allah and His Messenger . If they see the
contrary then they learn the right place of everything,
the world in its place and the Creator of the world in His
place to be loved and obeyed without question or
argument. So the connection with Allah is what must
be built first.

Someone asked me this question: How can children
of this (age 4-7) be introduced to Islam through
an innovative method of teaching which inspires their
imagination to understand the Magnificence of the
Creator?

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My Answer: The best way I know to inspire the
imagination to understand the Magnificence of Allah is
to use His creation for it. Give the kids small projects,
after introducing the concept to them. For example:
Take them to a huge tree and let them see and feel it
and then show them the seed and say, 'Do you know
that this tree came out of this seed?' How do you think
that happened? Then let them talk. The key is NOT to
give them answer and NOT TO CORRECT them. Let
their imaginations flow. Give them charts and crayons
and let them draw the tree inside the seed as they think
of it. Ask them, What do you think the tree is saying to
Allah when it is inside the seed? Let them talk and talk
and talk.

Then let them collect leaves of different trees, press
them in books so that they will have a whole scrap book
of pressed leaves at the end of the project. Then tell
them: "All these are leaves, right? So in that respect
they are all alike. But each one is different from the
other. Why do you think Allah did this?"

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Then tell them to go and find two leaves of the same
tree that are completely different from each other. They
will not be able to do that - so ask them, "What do you
think is the reason why Allah made the leaves the same,
yet different?"

Then tell them to look at each other and spot
differences - ensure that they dont make fun of each
other but do it respectfully - and ask the same question.

Then tell them, "There are two artists - one makes one
painting and then makes 100 photocopies of it. The
other makes 101 different paintings. Who is the bigger
artist? Why do you say that?

Then make them print out their finger prints and tell
them, 'Each of you has a finger print that is not only
different from others in this room but from all human
beings anywhere in the world (expand this in narration)
and also you know what? Before you came into this
world, this finger print on your hand did not exist. And
when you are gone, it will not come back.
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Now what do you think of the artist who can do all this?
Who is that artist?

If you do it well, it will blow their minds and will be a
lifetime experience for them.

After all it was Allah who taught us to introduce Himself
like this when He said in the first Ayaat that He
revealed:

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Al Alaq 96:1. Read! In the Name of your Lord, Who
has created (all that exists),

Think about this: What was there to read, when Allah is
saying Read? What there was to read, was the creation
of Allah and Allah commanded Rasoolullah (SAS) to read
His signs in the creation. So all I am doing is to follow
the same methodology. The best way to recognize the
magnificence of Allah is to look at his creation with eyes
of Imaan.
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Our problem is that we leave the tarbiyyah of children
until it is too late. When they are little we are too
anxious for them to hurry up and grow up. And they do.
Only, when that happens we dont recognize them. We
think that the only things that we have to worry about
when they are little are if they are fed and clothed and
happy. And to take them out of our hair we get them
addicted to the TV or worse still to video games. If
instead of that we had spent some time introducing
them to Allah and to His Messenger and to the
beautiful concepts of this Deen, they would have turned
into young men and women we could be proud of.

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Connection with Rasoolullah : Sense of Ummah

The child will learn that there is no way of connecting to
Allah independent of Muhammad . We know Allah
through the message of Rasoolullah and the only
proof of our love for Allah that Allah accepts is the
imitation of Muhammad .

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Aal Imraan 3:31. Say (O Muhammad to mankind):
"If you (really) love Allh then follow me (imitate my
way Sunnah), then Allh will love you and forgive you
of your sins. And Allh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Teach the child that to love Allah , His Messenger
and striving in the cause of Islam are conditions of
Imaan and far more important than anything in life,
including loving ones parents, family or wealth.
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Tawba 9:24. Say: If your fathers, your sons, your
brothers, your wives, your kindred, the wealth that you
have gained, the commerce in which you fear a decline,
and the dwellings in which you delight are dearer to
you than Allh and His Messenger, and striving hard in
His Cause, then wait until Allh brings about His
Decision (torment). And Allh guides not the people
who are Al-Fsiqn (the rebellious).

Teach the child the true position of Rasoolullah and
our relationship with him, his rights on us and our duties
towards him. Allah glorified the status of
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Rasoolullah and ordered Muslims to send salaam on
him.
He said:
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Al Ahzab 33:56 Allh sends His Salt (Blessings,
Mercy) on the Prophet (Muhammad SAW) and also His
angels too (ask Allh to bless and forgive him). O you
who believe! Send your Salat on (ask Allh to bless) him
(Muhammad SAW), and (you should) greet (salute) him
with the Islmic way of greeting (salutation i.e. As
Salmu 'Alaikum).

Allah made obedience to Rasoolullah a condition of
Imaan. He said:

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An Nisa 4:65 But no, by your Lord, they can have no
Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad SAW) judge in
all disputes between them, and find in themselves no
resistance against your decisions, and accept (them)
with full submission.

Allah called the Muslims, one community and honored
them by associating His worship as the binding force.

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Anbiya 21: 92. Truly! This, your Ummah [brotherhood]
is one Brotherhood (Ummah) and I am your Lord,
therefore worship Me (Alone)

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Muminoon 23: 52. And verily! This,
your Ummah [brotherhood] is one Brotherhood
(Ummah), and I am your Lord, so have Taqwa (keep
your duty) of Me.
The Muslim child must be taught to prefer Muslims over
others and to feel a sense of belonging to the global
faith based brotherhood that transcends all boundaries.

Taking from the treasures of Allah : Salah, Dua

It is when the connection with Allah is strong that the
child learns to ask only from Him and not to join others
with Allah either in His worship or in asking for help.
The child will learn that the key to the treasures of
Allah is Salah and that in any difficulty he must seek
help from Allah through Salah and experience His
proximity.

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Al Baqarah 2:152. Therefore remember Me (by
praying, glorifying). I will remember you, and be
grateful to Me (for My countless Favors on you) and
never be ungrateful to Me.153. O you who believe!
Seek help in patience and As-Salt. Truly! Allh is
with As-Sbirin (the patient ones).

She learns how to stand in the night and take from the
treasures of Allah that will be spread before them. The
child will experience the closeness of Allah and that He
listens when she calls him.
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Al Baqarah 2:186. And when My slaves ask you (O
Muhammad SAW) concerning Me, then (answer them), I
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am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond
to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me
(without any mediator). So let them obey Me and
believe in Me, so that they may be rightly guided.

He will understand the meaning of Al Ihsaan to
worship as if we can see Allah and to know that even
though we cant see Him, Allah sees us. Allah will
become real to him and His Messenger will become
the most beloved of people. He will learn the value of
following the Sunnah of Rasoolullah and how that is a
source of strength because it is the only acceptable
proof of his love for Allah . The child will learn to love
Rasoolullah and to feel proud of his identity as an
Ummati of Muhammad . The child will draw his own
sense of identity and belonging from Rasoolullah and
will experience the pleasure of instant bonding with
Muslims irrespective of the manmade boundaries of
nationality and culture on the basis of the brotherhood
that Rasoolullah created and which Allah endorsed
and ascribed to Himself and His worship.
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I do because of who I am. And I become, because I do.
They must learn that our actions define us. They must
learn that people will define them on the basis of both
what they owned and what they contributed. But they
will honor them only for what they contributed. Because
we are remembered, not for what we had but for what
we gave. Only when they are taught to focus on
contribution from their earliest childhood will they be
able to fight the force of consumerism that is focused
on consumption. Blind, self centered consumption that
in the end will consume us all, if it is allowed to
proliferate unchallenged. Muslim families must bring up
children who will challenge these norms and create a
society that is focused on contribution instead of
consumption, so that in the end we leave behind a place
that is the better for our passing.

Giving to the world: Charity & Daawa

Children, especially those who come from high income
homes must be taught the value of service. They must
Bringing up a Muslim child
36

endure hardship and learn that for some people air-
conditioning, cars, unlimited hot & cold running water,
fridges bursting at the seams and clean sheets on a soft
bed are not even novelties; because a novelty is
something that you do have, even if only occasionally.
But those people still live and laugh and play. Children
must be taught the value of compassion, courage and
service. They must be allowed to experience the joy of
sharing. Of giving and then seeing the light of
disbelieving delight in the eyes of the receiver. Nothing
compares to the joy of giving something to someone
who did not even dream of getting it. They must be
taught that to give someone what you dont really want
is still good but not as appreciable as giving away
something that you love because someone else needs it
more. This demonstrates genuine care and concern.

For example for a teenager to volunteer to spend time
with old people (related or not) is to give away their
time, which may not have any monetary value but
which is something that is dear to young people. This
and other such activities must be encouraged and
Bringing up a Muslim child
37

appreciated. Not by giving money in exchange but by
talking to the child and asking what they believe they
gained from the action. It is only when they learn to
take pleasure in the giving of itself that this giving
becomes sustainable.

This is a power that is given in the hands of those who
have resources, who actually hold the resources of
others in trust, to be delivered on call, when they need
it. Those who use these resources for themselves
without any concern for others are really violating their
trust for which they will be held accountable. This is the
concept of Amana that is the essence of Islam Imaan
is an Amana to be conveyed, so are resources to pass
on benefits to others only for the pleasure of Allah .

Children must be taught that value is not equal to cost.
For example that the cost of learning may be negligible
but the value of knowledge is immeasurable. And so the
scholar must be respected and honored for his
knowledge even if he is poor. Children must be taught
that the mud and brick structure that they live in is a
Bringing up a Muslim child
38

house, not a home. And no matter how big yours is,
there is always another somewhere else which is bigger,
shinier, taller, wider or more beautiful. How expensive
or big it is, does not show how happy and contented are
those who live in it. And it is this happiness and
contentment that make the home, not mud and brick.

Children must be taught that humans have more
intrinsic value than anything material which can be
bought, sold or junked. That cars, branded clothing,
watches, gadgets, material possessions, expensive
houses dont add value to the people who use them.
Possessions add cost, not value. Anyone sensible
will seek to add value to himself, not cost. People who
believe that possessions add value or seek to convince
others of this, have no value for themselves. They have
low self esteem and are seeking to lower the value of
the human being. Children must be taught that a car,
no matter how expensive, is transportation, not a
symbol. Except of bad judgment which makes someone
put huge amounts of money into a depreciating asset.

Bringing up a Muslim child
39

A shirt is clothing, a watch is meant to tell the time and
shoes are meant to walk in. None of these define you,
are not statements, nor indicators of what kind of
human being you are. It is your character, your actions,
what you stand for, your principles and your values,
which define you. Not what you possess. What you
possess can be stolen or taken away from you.
Your character, your values, your principles are the stuff
of memories that you leave behind. By these you will be
remembered, honorably or otherwise. Live a life such
that you will be remembered with honor. Teach children
these things by personal example. Because that is the
only way to teach them.

Muslim children must be taught that with Allah the
only consideration is piety, not possessions and that
wealth and possessions are a test to see what we will
do.

Bringing up a Muslim child
40

` ` ` ` ` '
` ` ` ` `
` `

Al Hujuraat 49:13. O mankind! We have created you
from a male and a female, and made you into nations
and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the
most honourable of you with Allh is that (believer) who
has At-Taqwa. Verily, Allh is All-Knowing, All-Aware.

Children must be taught the value of money. The value
of earning it, of investing it, of making it earn for you.
They must learn the difference between spending and
investing. They must be trained to be wealth creators,
not wealth spenders. They must be taught that
spending is to incur an expense for something that can
give no return but instead, itself depreciates in value.
Investing is to incur an expense for something that
gives a return on your investment. Children learn to
handle money by actually handling money. So give them
an allowance and then ask them to present monthly P&L
Bringing up a Muslim child
41

accounts and an annual Balance Sheet. See what the
headings are, under which they spent their allowance.

See if they have found ways to make their allowance
earn for them instead of simply spending it on
consumables. Show them the alternatives they may
have missed. Warren Buffet started trading when he
was in his teens. When asked he said that his only
regret was that he had not started earlier. Once children
see how they will actually gain and have more money
by this kind of thinking, you have won. Inculcate charity
consciously and emphatically. See if they spent some
money on the welfare of others. Guide them by
example. When children see parents spending to help
others, they will be inspired to do the same. Reward
and encourage children to spend in charity by matching
their donations, donating to their preferred causes and
appreciating their generosity. Teach them to share with
others, their toys, resources and learning. Teach them
that Muslims are the pipeline that conveys the bounties
of Allah to His creatures. As long as the pipeline is
clear and water flows through it smoothly, the pipeline
Bringing up a Muslim child
42

will also be wet and cool. But if it gets blocked, then
Allah will either blast it clear or will replace it
altogether. Muslims came to give Imaan, justice,
peace, harmony, safety and moral values. Islam came
to create a responsible, moral and sincere society.
Muslims did not come to take. When we forgot this
position of ours and also started chasing the material
world we lost our primary position as the Givers. The
world loves Givers and hates Takers.

Teach them the value of the best investment of them
all, the investment with Allah An investment that will
not only earn them a return as long as they live but a
return that will continue long after they are dead. Teach
them also that this return is the highest of any return in
this world for it ranges from 1:10 to 1:700 to a return
without account. And finally that this return is the surest
of all because it is guaranteed by Allah himself. Now
what can be more certain than that?

Bringing up a Muslim child
43

` ` ` ` ` ` `
` ` ` ` ` ` ` ` `

Al Baqarah 2:245. Who is he that will lend to Allh a
goodly loan so that He may multiply it to him many
times? And it is Allh that decreases or increases (your
provisions), and unto Him you shall return.

Finally the most important duty, that of conveying Islam
to others; once again demonstrate by example both the
importance of doing it, as well as the way to do it.
Children must be taught the power of demonstrating; of
daawa through personal example. They must be taught
to practice Islam completely and with confidence, in
terms of their dressing, their manners, their dealings,
what they will see, say or do. They must learn that
others watch them and that if people appreciate them,
then they will be drawn to Islam. Children must be
taught the power of politeness, kindness and of smiling
and being agreeable. They must understand that before
one can talk about Allah to anyone else, it is essential
Bringing up a Muslim child
44

to first win their hearts over. If people dont even like
you they are hardly likely to listen to what you have to
say about religion. People tend to associate the religion
with the practitioner and accept or reject both together.
It is also necessary to spend quality time and pay close
attention to the religious education of children.

If a child does not even know his own religion properly
how can he or she convey it to anyone else? Yet it is
common to see Muslim parents spend huge amounts of
money and time on their childrens worldly education
and treat religious education as a necessary nuisance at
best. There is no sense of shame that their grown child
cant even read the Quran fluently or lead Salah
comfortably. Guidance can only come with correct
knowledge and it is the parents primary responsibility
for which they will be questioned and punished if found
negligent; to ensure that their children are properly
educated in Islam. Its high time we paid attention to
this.

Bringing up a Muslim child
45

As we bring up our children, so we create the society
we live in. We have succeeded in creating a society that
is rich in resources and poor in the willingness to share.
That is why we have hunger and poverty. Our society is
rich in material and poor in morals and spirit. That is
why we have evil and sin. Our society is rich in
information but poor in wisdom. That is why the most
educated nations among us are the most barbaric. That
is why we have people in some countries starving to
death while in 2007-8 more than 1 billion worth of
food was thrown away in Britain alone. Is this an issue
of food production, distribution or simply of lack of
concern for others?

We have created a society that has concentrated power
and wealth in the hands of a few who have no concern
for others. These are people who have the resources to
actually create a world without hunger, educated, with
proper medical care, where there are none homeless
and which is free from crime. But instead they have
created a world that has the capability of destroying
Bringing up a Muslim child
46

itself 40 times over. Nobody stops to ask how this will
happen the second time, let alone for another 38 times.

The correction has to begin in the home.
Bringing up a Muslim child
47

ABOUT THE AUTHOR


Mirza Yawar Baig is an International
Speaker, Trainer, Corporate Consultant,
specializing in Leadership Development
helping technical specialists transition
into Management and Leadership roles.
Founder & President of Yawar Baig &
Associates He received his initial
Islamic education at the Jamia Ilahiyaat
Nooria in Hyderabad and later at the
feet of Ulama and Shuyookh in Saudi
Arabia, India and America.

Thanks to his openness, competence, value-based professionalism
and the ability to speak five languages, Yawar has instilled
leadership and management fundamentals within many local,
national and global organizations. Yawar Baig teaches leadership in
the United States, India, South Africa, Sri Lanka and Malaysia. Yawar
has extensive multicultural teaching experience having taught
managers, teachers, students, administrators, NGOs and clergy in
three continents. With his own background in Islamic education and
a global perspective, Yawar speaks internationally on Islam and
Muslim issues, especially about the need for Muslims to become
Standard Bearers of Islam.
Advisor, Jamiat ul Ulama , South Africa
Advisor, Jamiat ul Ulama, Sri Lanka
Advisor, Jamia Syed Ahmed Shaheed, India
Advisor, Al Mahad Al Islami, Hyderabad, India
Advisor, Association of Muslim Schools, South Africa

www.yawarbaig.in