Dear Brandon, I really liked your paper, the way you wrote it makes it fun and interesting to read.

You did connect your literacy with the culture around you when you mention the FCAT and the spelling bee; but you dont talk about the values of that culture, like why is it so important to write in the FCAT style and how doing that shaped your writing. I noticed that you pretty much only talk about your experience with writing, but what about reading? You need to elaborate a little more on that; for example, as a reader I was curious on which is your attitude towards reading. You did connect how your experience with writing affected which major you chose in college. However, you should tell the reader what kind of writer/reader you want be in the future (as like you want to improve your skills more). I think that the main idea that you were trying to get across was the evolution in your writing skills. In my opinion, the chronological organization that you chose is good because it helps with the idea of evolution. Another way in which you could organize the paper that might work is first talking of your anecdotes and then building on how they affecte your literacy. You should include who were your sponsors, like your daycare counselors or teachers, and maybe include the definition that Brandt gave to literacy sponsors and cite her. Some sentences that you could take out is on the second paragraph when you say After the first book , I think that it is irrelevant to the main point and it is implied on the sentence before that one. Also you should explain that you major doesnt have a lot of writing and is more mechanical language, some readers might not know this. There are some grammar and spelling errors, maybe you should ask someone to proof read it. Greetings, Adriana Moreno