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Kyra Averiette
Professor Batty
English 114B
4 / 22 / 14
The New Beautiful: How Modern Beauty Is Attained

Why dont people like me? Why am I not pretty like her? Hannah asked herself this
question on the morning of her first day of high school. Since she came from a private school on
the other side of town she walked onto her new campus not knowing a single peer. Hannah had a
charmed life growing up in the glamorous city of Hollywood. As a child she never really had to
worry about anything, everything in her life was handed to her and she never thought twice about
it. She is a relatively average height child with short ashy brown hair and a hourglass shaped
body. Hannah has had numerous celebrity encounters because of her mothers work in the fashion
industry so she was able to attend countless runway shows. These experiences with the fashion
industry at such young age drastically changed the way that Hannah looked at the world. Her
image of the perfect body was severely altered. The models that Hannah had seen as a child,
the women that stood as role models to her were dangerously skinny. What Hannah was unaware
of was that most of these models had an eating disorder of some sort. The lasting effect that the
models had on Hannah would cause her to develop an eating disorder of her own. Hannah would
soon be a part of the seventy-five percent of women who have or have had an eating disorder in
the world. This is Hannahs story.
It was early in the morning on a warm spring day in beautiful Hollywood California.
Hannah was all snuggled up in a little ball in her fluffy, pink princess themed bed dreaming
whatever it is that ten year old girls dream about. LILY, Hannahs mothers piercing scream
jolted her out of her deep slumber. The panic in her mothers voice forced Hannah to rush to her
older sisters room to see what all of the fuss was about. Hannah hesitated as she poked her head
through her sisters half opened door. Hannah entered her sisters doorway, she could see her
mother hunched over Lilys bed sobbing. Hannahs mother was in her mid-forties; her short dark
bob style hair nicely complemented her thin figure. She rarely left her room without a ravishing
designer ensemble and her makeup done up to hide her aging lines. In this moment however,
Hannah looked at her mother and saw a whole new side of her. She was dressed in baggy
sweatpants with her hair half done and mascara running down her face. She was shaking Lily
profusely as she held Lily in her arms, Hannah stood staring; a paralyzed statue unaware of what
was happening.
The sounds of sirens began to come into earshot and Hannahs mother ran out of the
room quickly to meet the EMTs at the gate of their estate. As her mother rushed to the door
Hannah moved towards her older sister in curiosity. Lily was only fifteen, a sophomore in high
school. Lily acted as Hannahs guardian when their mother was away on business or at work. As
she neared the edge of the bed she noticed that her sister was not moving and her eyes were
closed. Hannah almost believed that she was looking at an entirely different person. Lily was
pale and you could see the outline of her bones through the thin veil of her skin. Her light brown
hair was dry and brittle, as if it would break with the slightest touch and her breathing was light
and shallow. Hannah stood beside Lily poking her cold boney arm, Lily are you awake? Are
you sick? She waited for a few minutes for a response before the EMTs entered the room,
Hannahs mother rushed to pick her up and drag her outside of Lilys bedroom shutting the door
behind her. Hannah innocently asked her mother, Is Lily sick? Why are those men here? Her
mother looked at down at her, gave her a big hug and said, Lily hasnt been herself for few
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months and those men are here to tell us if she is sick or not, so sweetie I think it would be best if
you stayed in your room until they leave. Hannah politely accepted her mothers request and
went to her room. From the window of her bedroom she watched the EMTs roll her sister into
the ambulance on a stretcher.
The next day when Lily did not return home from the hospital Hannah asked her mother
if Lily was still sick or not? Hannahs mother sighed and calmly replied, Lily is very sick, she
has been for a long time, so she is going to stay in a special hospital for a few weeks until she is
healthy enough to come home. Hannah heard the pain in her mothers voice and knew that there
was something that she was not telling her but she did not want to upset her any more so she
decided to not question her and thought that it would be best if she just left the situation alone.
Hannah got used to not having her sister around for the next three and a half years. After the first
year she stopped asking her mother when Lily was coming home. Hannah turned fourteen and
graduated from middle school, but her excitement was short lived when her mother shocked her
with news about her next four years. Since Hannahs mother was spending a fortune to send Lily
to recover from her illness Hannah was forced to transfer from her expensive private school to a
public school across town from her home. Hannah was devastated that she was being forced to
transfer to an entirely new school. She threw numerous tantrums and even threatened to run
away from home. She fought her mother all summer, up until the first day of her freshman year.
McKay High School looked like a grungy blue prison cell. There was a half torn poster
hanging on the wall next to the main office reading Welcome all incoming Freshman. The
surrounding walls were covered in graffiti and the aroma of axe body spray and gym clothes
swept through the hallways. Hannah stared blankly at the new school she would be stuck at for
the next four years. Disgusted and scared for her life she clutched her gucci purse and her juicy
jacket and went off to her first day of freshman year. Hannah walked into her homeroom History
class and immediately headed for the first empty seat she saw. As she settled in her seat she
scanned the rest of the class hoping to spot a potential friend. She heard a loud squeal followed
by laughter from the back corner of the room; she looked back curiously and saw a group of
three girls cackling away in their seats. One girl in the group noticed Hannah staring and said
something to the other girls. They all became silent and Hannah turned back in her seat as the
teacher walked into the classroom. Good morning class! My name is Mr. Dale and this is
freshman history. When the bell rang Hannah could not get out of that room fast enough, she
knew this year would be hard. She was dreading lunch period when it finally came because she
did not know anyone and she was horrified at the idea of sitting alone. She noticed the three girls
from her homeroom class sitting in the center of the cafeteria joined by two other girls. Hannah
was amazed at how similar they all looked. Each girl had long straight hair that fell perfectly
down their backs, they were decked out in designer everything and they each had the body type
of a model. Hannah slowly made her way past all the tables until she reached their table. Again
the girls immediately stopped their laughter and stared at Hannah. Uhhh h-iii, Hannah choked
out quietly. She cleared her throat and tried again, my name is Hannah, I am new here is this
seat taken? There was tension in the air while Hannah waited for a response. Finally, after what
seemed like forever, one girl stood. Gianna McPhee, a sophomore at McKay high school and the
leader of her group of clones. The rest of the clones consisted of Emily, Sierra, Mckenna, and
Ashley. Gianna leaned across the table as if she was going to shake Hannahs hand. However
Gianna simply stared Hannah up and down and scoffed, Im so sorry sweetie, but you are not
exactly the type we look for to sit with us at lunch. Maybe you would be better off eating in the
bathroom so nobody has to watch you gorge yourself. Hannah turned away in disbelief trying to
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hide the tear running down her cheek. She ran to bathroom to clean up her face and pull herself
together before re-entering the cafeteria. She found a small table near the far right corner and sat
down to finish her lunch. The first day was nearly over and Hannah was relieved that she had
only one more class until she could go home and beg her mother to let her transfer back to her
old school. Walking into her final class she noticed one of the clones, she quickly thought ,
should I turn around and pretend like I walked into the wrong class? Maybe the front office will
let me switch classes. Hannah had no time to decide before one of the clones, Mckenna, was
standing uncomfortably close to her. Come sit with me! she said with a cheery upbeat tone.
Hannah was stunned, she did not know how to react, she was convinced Gianna and the clones
had hated her. As they took their seats Hannah kept wondering why Mckenna was being nice to
her all of a sudden. So look honey I know Gianna was a little hard on you in the cafeteria, she
exclaimed while smacking her peppermint gum, but you have to understand we have a
reputation to uphold. You cannot expect us to let just anyone into our group. You have the
clothes sweetie and the confidence, now you just have to get the body and you will be set!
Mckenna spoke so nonchalantly; as if the words coming out of her mouth were okay to say.
Hannah sat quietly during the rest of the period and when the final bell rang she flew out of her
seat and headed straight for her moms car parked out front. Hannahs mother had desperation in
her voice, did you have a good first day sweetie? Hannah rolled her eyes and shut the door, as
her mom speed away from McKay high Hannah could not help but be thankful that the day was
finally over.
Going through the events of the day before in her head, Hannah could not help but focus
all of her attention on what Gianna and Mckenna had said to her. She stood in front of her full
length closet mirror and stared at herself. She thought, Those girls cannot be right. There is
nothing wrong with my body; I might not be as thin as Gianna but that does not mean anything,
does it? Hannah stood in front of the mirror for an hour staring at herself contemplating her
opinion of her own body. When her mother called her down for dinner Hannah waited a minute
before yelling down the stairs, no thanks Im not hungry, ill eat later! Hannah thought about
her decision not to eat dinner for a moment but decided that missing one meal was not that big of
a deal. She spent the rest of the night doing her homework and looking up quick dieting tips. The
next morning at breakfast Hannah asked her mother if she could set up a few appointments with
their families personal trainer. Her mother looked stunned, Hannah sweetie we have been really
tight with money, we had to let our trainer go Im sorry. Hannah sighed softly in
disappointment; reached for an apple from the fruit basket and yelled back at her mother as she
walked out the door, bye mom I will see you after school! Hannahs mother quickly screamed,
wait you didnt finish your breakfast, but she was too late; Hannah was out the door.
Hannah avoided the clones at all cost for the rest of the week at school. She went to the
front office and asked for an immediate transfer of her homeroom class period. As the weekend
finally approached, Hannahs mother offered her an invitation to a fashion show in north
Hollywood. Hannah becomes excited that she gets the opportunity to take her mind off of dieting
and the clones. As Hannah waits backstage of the fashion show she watches the models get into
position before the curtain goes up. The models perfect physique and ability to wear whatever
they want reminded her that her diet was not working as fast as she thought it would. She
watched the models walk down the runway in envy, she could not help but wish to look like
them. When the show ended Hannah ditched the after show buffet for the models and guests and
instead went home to her room. She sat in her bedroom and cried for hours constantly screaming
about how hideous she was. She finally couldnt take it, she looked at herself in the mirror and
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mouthed to herself, I will be beautiful, no matter what the cost. In that moment Hannah was
changed forever, with a heavy heart and tears in her eyes she threw her studded jimmy choo heel
as hard as she could at her mirror; shattering it. Just like that Hannah decided to go to drastic
measures.
Hannah had decided that the only way to lose weight as fast as possible would be to cut
out food completely. She quickly realized how easy it was to cut out food without anyone
noticing. In the mornings she would run out of the house with an apple at most and just use
excuses to explain to her mother why she had to skip breakfast. School was the easiest place for
Hannah to get away with not eating. Since she had no real friends, she was able to stay in the
library and do her homework rather than be tempted by the food in the cafeteria. After school
when she got home she would eat ice pops and drink multiple bottles of water to subside the food
cravings. When her mother returned home late at night from work she would offer to make
Hannah some dinner or order out. Hannah never took the offer. Instead she simply replied, No
thanks mom I already ate dinner. She kept herself busy throughout the day with errands and
activities; the more time she spent doing activities the less time she had to think about how
hungry she always was. The lies came to easily for Hannah, it became a casual thing for her to
just throw out an excuse whenever anybody offered her food. Hannah would be eating an apple
at most in a day and the effects began to show.
After six weeks of not eating Hannah had dropped twenty pounds. There was a
substantial difference in her appearance and she wanted the clones to notice. One rainy Spring
day, Hannah decided that it was time to leave the library and join her fellow peers in the cafeteria
for lunch. She walked into the cafeteria with confidence in her step. Her peers stopped in awe as
they watched her make her way past them towards the clones table. As she approached the table
the clones stopped there laughter and turned towards her with shocked expressions. Gianna
starred for only a few seconds before standing up and exclaiming to Hannah, well freshman you
seem to have proved yourself, take a seat and meet the girls. Hannah quickly sat down feeling
as if an enormous weight had been lifted off of her chest. For the rest of lunch she sat with the
clones while sipping on her energy drink and for the first time since high school began she felt
accepted.
Hannah kept up her diet, losing more and more weight as the weeks went on. After four
more weeks of dieting her mother began to notice the drastic weight loss. On a quiet Sunday,
Hannahs mother knocked on her door lightly. As she entered Hannahs room she sat quietly on
the edge of her bed and for a few minutes she did not say a word. Hannah looked at the worry in
her mothers eyes and knew that something was wrong. She didnt hesitate to ask, Mom are you
okay? Did something happen? Hannahs mother looked up at her and began to cry, I am sorry
honey, she said through her tears, I noticed you have been losing weight and I am worried
about you. How did you lose so much weight so quickly? Hannah was thrown off by her
mothers sudden interest. She didnt know what to say at first so she thought up a lie to calm her
mothers nerve, mom Ive been going on runs and working out with some of the girls from my
school. Hannahs mother waited a moment, wiped her tears and replied, okay, she said
reluctantly, I just need to know that you are staying healthy. Hannah took this opportunity to
ask her mother about her sister Lily, so with slight hesitation softly asked her, Mom, is Lily ever
coming home? Hannahs mother began to cry again and Hannah quickly reclaimed her
statement, Im sorry mom I didnt mean to upset you, forget I asked! No, no sweetie,
Hannahs mother choked through her tears, it is time that I told you the truth about your sister.
Hannah began to worry, she didnt know what to expect her mother to say. Sweetie, your sister
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has been sick for a very long time. And we sent her away so that she could get better, but she did
not want to get better. Hannah looked at her mother in confusion, what do you mean she didnt
want to get better? What was wrong with her? Her mother looked down at the floor for a minute
then looked up at Hannah and said, Lily is bulimic, for years she would eat as much as she
wanted and then throw it up afterward. She became sick because every time she threw up her
food, she would also throw up the nutrients that kept her healthy. Another tear rolled down her
face as she continued, I sent her to a special hospital that specializes in young girl eating
disorders. Your sister was only there for three weeks. Hannah looked at her mother fighting
back tears and cautiously asked, If she was only there for three weeks then why isnt she
home? Regretting her decision to tell Hannah the truth about Lily, her mother replied, your
sister didnt want to come home. She was angry that she was sent to the treatment center in the
first place. She didnt believe that she had a problem. She grabbed Hannahs hand, and brushed
a piece of hair away from her face, your sister ran away from the hospital. When I found out, I
sent out a private investigator to find her. When he did she hadnt gotten very far, she was living
with one of her friends in Santa Monica. I went to their to bring her home but she refused. She
began to cry again, I knew that I could not do anything, she was eighteen at the time, I could not
force her to come home. So I left, but I continued to keep tabs on her. I call the private
investigator every other month to find her and let me know that she is safe and Hannah cut in
before her mother could finish, is she alright? Where is she? Can I go and see her? Her mother
took a step back with disappointment in her eyes, your sister is in San Francisco now, she is
living with a boy and she is doing well, she doesnt want to be found. She looks healthy and
seems happy where she is. I dont think that its such a good idea to go see her. Im sure that she
misses you but there is a reason that she left and we have to respect her wishes. Hannah became
angry; but rather than upsetting her mother she decided to leave it alone.
Hannah continued to be aggressive with her diet after her conversation with her mother,
but she knew she needed to hide her progress to ensure that her mother would stop asking
questions. She started to wear baggy sweatpants and big t-shirts around the house. When her
mom offered her food she took it too her room, threw it in the trash can outside of her bedroom,
and then waited before bringing the plate back to the kitchen. Her mother was satisfied with
Hannahs efforts and stopped asking questions. Although Hannah continued to drop weight, she
continuously got sick because her immune system was weak. She ignored the constant food
cravings. She knew that she had to keep her weight down in order be beautiful and accepted by
her peers. Hannah did not know what she was doing to her body until her body finally hit her
back.
Fourth period P.E was as boring as ever, Hannah stood on the side wall ignoring the
teachers instructions to run the two lap warm up. Hannah! Get your butt on that track and start
running or youre going to fail this course. Hannah rolled her eyes and stepped onto the track
slowly jogging along the white line that separated the lanes. Halfway through the first lap
Hannah began to sweat and breathe heavily. Her head felt heavy and her vision became fuzzy
and out of focus. She began to stumble and swerve along the track; her P.E coach notice her
disorientation and screamed from the other side of track, come on, you have barely run a lap,
pick up the pace Hannah! Hannah pushed forward a little bit faster slightly annoyed at her
teachers request;continuing to sway side to side. Before she knew it she began to see black spots
clouding her vision, she stopped for a minute before collapsing only a few yards short of her first
lap.
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Hannah woke up disoriented, she opened her eyes realizing that she was in an unfamiliar
place and she began to panic and struggle to sit up. Her mother quickly pushed her back down,
sweetie you need to lay down your going to be just fine. Hannah tried to speak but her throat
felt tight so the most she could come up with was a soft squeak. She looked around the room, the
white walls around her were suffocating and cold, she followed the wires coming from the
monitor that lead to the needle implanted in her wrist. She looked at her mother again and asked,
why am I in the hospital? A strange voice came from across the room, because youre sick
Hannah, Hannah coughed and tried to speak to ask who else was in the room but she was cut
off, dont bother kid, the stranger said as she stepped forward towards Hannah, youre too
weak to talk right now. Hannah looked up at the stranger and softly exclaimed, Lily? Lily
smiled at her younger sister, its been a long time little sis, hasnt it. Hannah felt paralyzed, she
hadnt seen her sister in years and suddenly she was standing over her, she felt as if she was
dreaming. She struggled to form words, what are you doing here? Her mother chimed in
before Lily could respond, she is here because I called her. I am worried about you. Hannah
opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted when the doctor walked into the room.
Well good morning Hannah, Dr. Cross said as he got closer to Hannah, I am glad that
youre finally awake and with us. How are you feeling? Hannah didnt reply, instead she just
stared while Dr. Cross took her vital signs. Dr. Cross was in his mid fifties, he stood rather tall
and walked with a slight limp. His hairline was receding and the smell of old spice wafted over
the room when he entered the room. You gave your mother and your sister quite the scare
young lady. Hannah gave him a dirty look and opened her mouth to respond but he continued,
So tell me Hannah, Dr. Cross cleared his throat, what you have eaten today. Hannahs eyes
widen, she couldnt think of a lie fast enough. Uhhh umm well I was really busy today so I did
not have time to eat anything big, she said nervously. Hmmm, Dr. Cross could see the
nervousness in her voice, and what about the last couple of days? Hannahs breathing became
heavy, she didnt know what to say, I dont remember, she said quickly. Dr. Cross turned to
Hannahs mother, Maam I believe that your daughter is anorexic. Hannahs mother turned
directly to Lily with a scowl and yelled, this is your fault! Lily stepped back in shock at her
mothers accusation, how is this my fault? I left to save her so that this wouldnt happen.
Hannah watched as they continued to argue, she sat up slowly in her bed cleared her throat and
yelled as loud as she could, WILL YOU TWO STOP YELLING! Her mother and sister froze,
they turned to Hannah; she coughed a few times before continuing, neither of you are too blame
I did this to myself. Arguing isnt going to get you anywhere. Her mother began to say
something but Hannah put her hand up to stop her, I would like to be alone for a few minutes
please, can you leave. Lily and their mother quietly exited the room without saying another
word.
Hannah sat for a few minutes trying to grasp the events that had just occurred. She
thought about what the doctor had said, there is no way I can be anorexic, she thought to
herself. I eat, I eat all the time, anorexic people dont ever eat. Hannah couldnt stand being in
the hospital bed anymore, she slowly moved her feet over the edge of the bed, stood up and
walked towards the bathroom to change out of her ugly blue and white striped hospital gown. In
the bathroom as she stripped off the gown, she looked up at herself mirror and was horrified at
the person that looked back at her. She looked at her reflection in complete awe, her face was
sunken in, showing every crease and curve. Her hair was limp and flat with little life in it, she
grazed her forearm and along the veins in her arms popping out of her skin. She had a flashback
of the last day that she saw her sister. She remembered the way that her sister looked lying in her
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bed unconscious. She fell onto the floor in tears, she realized she had become her sister. She sat
on the floor of the bathroom and curled up in a ball, she couldnt accept the fact that she had
become her sister. She jumped when she heard a knock on the door; her mother yell through the
closed door, Hannah sweetie are you okay in there? Hannah didnt respond, Hannah open the
door! Hannah slowly crawled toward the door and turned the lock, the door crept open slowly
and she looked up at her mother and her sister, I know that I have a problem, Im prepared to do
whatever necessary to get help.
Hannah returned home from the hospital after three days of being observed. She felt
exhausted, she went straight to her bedroom and curled up in her bed. Before she drifted off to
sleep, her phone started to ring, she hesitated before answering. Where the hell have you been?
People are starting to talk about you! Mckennas voice was high and seemed angry, hello,
Hannah are you even listening to me? Hannah threw the phone across the room without saying
a word to Mckenna. She laid back against her pillow and stared at the ceiling of her room. She
thought about the events that had happened to her since she started high school. She wondered
why she was so desperate for acceptance that she nearly killed herself to fit in. She wondered
how the clones were so cruel to make her go to such extremes to be apart of their group. She
thought of her mother and how she must pain she must be in after watching both of her daughters
suffer. Her thoughts were broken when her sister walked into the room. Lily did not say anything
as she slowly made her way to Hannahs bed. She sat down on the bed and stared at the sheets
for a few moments before looking up at her sister. Lily looked at her younger sister; she fought
the tears that were filling up in her eyes. She grabbed her sister and pulled her close; Hannahs
eyes widen in amazement. When Lily finally released her sister Hannah had a confused look on
her face. I am so sorry that I did this to you, Lily said softly with her head down, avoiding eye
contact with her sister, this is my fault, I know thNO! Hannah screamed cutting Lily off. I
did this to myself. I let those stupid girls get to me. I listened to them when they told me I wasnt
good enough. I let myself believe that they were right. She grabbed Lily by the shoulders and
continued, This is my own fault. I didnt even realize I had a problem, it was all so much easier
then.
Hannah began to recover after a few months, her weight went up little by little, she left
the clones without warning and continued to attend school. She still has the tendencies of an
anorexic, she will always battle with her disease. She started working at a help line in her spare
time to warn young girls of the danger of starving themselves.Her sister moved back home so
that herself and her sister can battle their diseases together and make sure that they stay healthy.
Hannahs mother continues to work and provide for her daughters but she keeps a close eye on
Hannah and Lily and help them to control their eating disorders.They will continue to struggle
with their disorders. Neither of them will ever be comfortable with their bodies and will continue
to go back and forth with eating.