CHAPTER

10
American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse
Nation
Almost a century ago the American writer Willa Cather, in her novel O Pioneers (11!", shrew#ly
o$serve#:
%here are only two or three human stories, an# they go on re&eating themselves as if they ha#
never ha&&ene# $efore'
Among these is the story that essentially en#s, (An# they live# ha&&ily ever after') Not that everyone in
the story nee# live ha&&ily ever after: Fiction often reassures us that the $a# en# $a#ly, essentially
showing us stories that su&&ort the *i$lical assertion that (Whoso #iggeth a &it shall fall therein, an# he
that rolleth a stone, it will return u&on him) (+rover$s ,-',."' %here are, of course, countless variations
on this theme/an# we never tire of rea#ing stories a$out it' +erha&s &eo&le 0ee& writing a$out it, an#
rea#ing a$out it, $ecause it is true' 1r &erha&s, on the other han#, we rea# an# write a$out it $ecause life
is such a mess, such a chaotic welter, that we are trying to im&ose or#er, trying to convince ourselves that
in#ee# this &attern e2ists'
For all the sameness of many stories, there are countless local variations, es&ecially variations ta0ing
account of #ifferent cultures, an# es&ecially in America/&rover$ially a nation of immigrants/fiction
shows us #istinctive 0in#s of $ehavior, $ehavior roote# in customs not share# $y the &o&ulation as a
whole' 3n this cha&ter we offer stories a$out &ersons who $elong to one or another of a range of minority
grou&s: Native Americans, gays an# les$ians, Asian4Americans, African4Americans, an# 5is&anic4
Americans' We also inclu#e a story of a #ifferent, $ut we thin0 relate#, 0in# that focuses on a retar#e#
&erson6 this story ($y 7atherine Anne +orter" remin#s us that #iversity an# #ifference ta0e multi&le forms,
an# not all of them are se2ual, religious, racial, or ethnic' We $elieve, however, that all of these stories
s&ea0 to all rea#ers, an# we call your attention to the fact that other cha&ters also contain stories a$out
mem$ers of some of these grou&s'
8omewhat com&ara$le cha&ters a&&ear later in the $oo0, with &oems an# with &lays a$out #iverse
cultures'
LESLIE MARMON SILKO
Leslie Marmon Silko was born in 1948 in Albuquerque, New Mexico, an !rew u" on #$e La!una Pueblo
%eserva#ion some &i&#y miles #o #$e wes#' O& $er &amily s$e says,
(e are mixe bloo)La!una, Mexican, w$i#e' ' ' ' All #$ose lan!ua!es, all #$ose ways o& livin!
are combine, an we live somew$ere on #$e &rin!es o& all #$ree' *u# + on,# a"olo!i-e &or #$is
any more)no# #o w$i#es, no# #o &ull bloos)our ori!in is unlike any o#$er' My "oe#ry, my
s#ory#ellin! rise ou# o& #$is source'
A&#er !raua#in! &rom #$e .niversi#y o& New Mexico in 19/9, Silko en#ere law sc$ool bu# soon le&#
#o become a wri#er' S$e #au!$# &or #wo years a# Nava0o 1ommuni#y 1olle!e a# Many 2arms, Ari-ona, an
#$en wen# #o Alaska &or #wo years w$ere s$e s#uie 3skimo4Aleu# cul#ure an worke on a novel,
1eremony' A&#er re#urnin! #o #$e Sou#$wes#, s$e #au!$# a# #$e .niversi#y o& Ari-ona an #$en a# #$e
.niversi#y o& New Mexico'
+n ai#ion #o wri#in! s#ories, a novel, an "oems, Silko $as wri##en #$e screen"lay &or Marlon
*rano,s &ilm, *lack 3lk' +n 1981 s$e was aware one o& #$e so4calle !enius !ran#s &rom #$e
MacAr#$ur 2ouna#ion, w$ic$ su""or#s 5exce"#ionally #alen#e iniviuals'6
The Man to Send Rain Clouds [1969]
One
%hey foun# him un#er a $ig cottonwoo# tree' 5is 9evi :ac0et an# &ants were fa#e# light4$lue so that
he ha# $een easy to fin#' %he $ig cottonwoo# tree stoo# a&art from a small grove of winter$are
cottonwoo#s which grew in the wi#e, san#y arroyo' 5e ha# $een #ea# for a #ay or more, an# the
shee& ha# wan#ere# an# scattere# u& an# #own the arroyo' 9eon an# his $rother4in4law, 7en,
gathere# the shee& an# left them in the &en at the shee& cam& $efore they returne# to the cottonwoo#
tree' 9eon waite# un#er the tree while 7en #rove the truc0 through the #ee& san# to the e#ge of the
arroyo' 5e s;uinte# u& at the sun an# un<i&&e# his :ac0et/it sure was hot for this time of year' *ut
high an# northwest the $lue mountains were still #ee& in snow' 7en came sli#ing #own the low,
crum$ling $an0 a$out fifty yar#s #own, an# he was $ringing the re# $lan0et'
*efore they wra&&e# the ol# man, 9eon too0 a &iece of string out of his &oc0et an# tie# a small
gray feather in the ol# man=s long white hair' 7en gave him the &aint' Across the $rown wrin0le#
forehea# he #rew a strea0 of white an# along the high chee0$ones he #rew a stri& of $lue &aint' 5e
&ause# an# watche# 7en throw &inches of corn meal an# &ollen into the win# that fluttere# the small
gray feather' %hen 9eon &ainte# with yellow un#er the ol# man=s $roa# nose, an# finally, when he
ha# &ainte# green across the chin, he smile#'
(8en# us rain clou#s, >ran#father') %hey lai# the $un#le in the $ac0 of the &ic0u& an# covere# it
with a heavy tar& $efore they starte# $ac0 to the &ue$lo'
%hey turne# off the highway onto the san#y &ue$lo roa#' Not long after they &asse# the store an#
&ost office they saw Father +aul=s car coming towar# them' When he recogni<e# their faces he slowe#
his car an# wave# for them to sto&' %he young &riest rolle# #own the car win#ow'
? (Di# you fin# ol# %eofilo@) he as0e# lou#ly'
9eon sto&&e# the truc0' (>oo# morning, Father' We were :ust out to the shee& cam&' Averything
is 1'7' now')
(%han0 >o# for that' %eofilo is a very ol# man' Bou really shoul#n=t allow him to stay at the
shee& cam& alone')
(No, he won=t #o that any more now')
(Well, 3=m gla# you un#erstan#' 3 ho&e 3=ll $e seeing you at Cass this wee0/we misse# you last
8un#ay' 8ee if you can get ol# %eofilo to come with you') %he &riest smile# an# wave# at them as
they #rove away'
Two
10 9ouise an# %eresa were waiting' %he ta$le was set for lunch, an# the coffee was $oiling on the $lac0
iron stove' 9eon loo0e# at 9ouise an# then at %eresa'
(We foun# him un#er a cottonwoo# tree in the $ig arroyo near shee& cam&' 3 guess he sat #own
to rest in the sha#e an# never got u& again') 9eon wal0e# towar# the ol# man=s hea#' %he re# &lai#
shawl ha# $een sha0en an# s&rea# carefully over the $e#, an# a new $rown flannel shirt an# &air of
stiff new 9evis were arrange# neatly $esi#e the &illow' 9ouise hel# the screen #oor o&en while 9eon
an# 7en carrie# in the re# $lan0et' 5e loo0e# small an# shrivele#, an# after they #resse# him in the
new shirt an# &ants he seeme# more shrun0en'
3t was noontime now $ecause the church $ells rang the Angelus'1 %hey ate the $eans with hot
$rea#, an# no$o#y sai# anything until after %eresa &oure# the coffee'
7en stoo# u& an# &ut on his :ac0et' (3=ll see a$out the grave#iggers' 1nly the to& layer of soil is
fro<en' 3 thin0 it can $e rea#y $efore #ar0')
9eon no##e# his hea# an# finishe# his coffee' After 7en ha# $een gone for a while, the
neigh$ors an# clans&eo&le came ;uietly to em$race %eofilo=s family an# to leave foo# on the ta$le
$ecause the grave#iggers woul# come to eat when they were finishe#'
Three
1? %he s0y in the west was full of &ale4yellow light' 9ouise stoo# outsi#e with her han#s in the &oc0ets
of 9eon=s green army :ac0et that was too $ig for her' %he funeral was over, an# the ol# men ha# ta0en
their can#les an# me#icine $ags an# were gone' 8he waite# until the $o#y was lai# into the &ic0u&
$efore she sai# anything to 9eon' 8he touche# his arm, an# he notice# that her han#s were still #usty
from the corn meal that she ha# s&rin0le# aroun# the ol# man' When she s&o0e, 9eon coul# not hear
her'
(What #i# you say@ 3 #i#n=t hear you')
(3 sai# that 3 ha# $een thin0ing a$out something')
(A$out what@)
(A$out the &riest s&rin0ling holy water for >ran#&a' 8o he won=t $e thirsty')
,0 9eon stare# at the new moccasins that %eofilo ha# ma#e for the ceremonial #ances in the
summer' %hey were nearly hi##en $y the re# $lan0et' 3t was getting col#er, an# the win# &ushe# gray
#ust #own the narrow &ue$lo roa#' %he sun was a&&roaching the long mesa where it #isa&&eare#
#uring the winter' 9ouise stoo# there shivering an# watching his face' %hen he <i&&e# u& his :ac0et
an# o&ene# the truc0 #oor' (3=ll see if he=s there')
7en sto&&e# the &ic0u& at the church, an# 9eon got out6 an# then 7en #rove #own the hill to the
graveyar# where &eo&le were waiting' 9eon 0noc0e# at the ol# carve# #oor with its sym$ols of the
9am$' While he waite# he loo0e# u& at the twin $ells from the 0ing of 8&ain with the last sunlight
&ouring aroun# them in their tower'
%he &riest o&ene# the #oor an# smile# when he saw who it was' (Come inD What $rings you here
this evening@)
%he &riest wal0e# towar# the 0itchen, an# 9eon stoo# with his ca& in his han#, &laying with the
earfla&s an# e2amining the living room/the $rown sofa, the green armchair, an# the $rass lam& that
hung #own from the ceiling $y lin0s of chain' %he &riest #ragge# a chair out of the 0itchen an#
offere# it to 9eon'
(No than0 you, Father' 3 only came to as0 you if you woul# $ring your holy water to the
graveyar#')
,? %he &riest turne# away from 9eon an# loo0e# out the win#ow at the &atio full of sha#ows an# the
#ining4room win#ows of the nuns= cloister across the &atio' %he curtains were heavy, an# the light
from within faintly &enetrate#6 it was im&ossi$le to see the nuns insi#e eating su&&er' (Why #i#n=t
you tell me he was #ea#@ 3 coul# have $rought the 9ast Eites anyway')
9eon smile#' (3t wasn=t necessary, Father')
%he &riest stare# #own at his scuffe# $rown loafers an# the worn hem of his cassoc0' (For a
Christian $urial it was necessary')
5is voice was #istant, an# 9eon thought that his $lue eyes loo0e# tire#'
(3t=s 1'7', Father, we :ust want him to have &lenty of water')
!0 %he &riest san0 #own in the green chair an# &ic0e# u& a glossy missionary maga<ine' 5e turne#
the colore# &ages full of le&ers an# &agans without loo0ing at them'
(Bou 0now 3 can=t #o that, 9eon' %here shoul# have $een the 9ast Eites an# a funeral Cass at
the very least')
9eon &ut on his green ca& an# &ulle# the fla&s #own over his ears' (3t=s getting late, Father' 3=ve
got to go')
When 9eon o&ene# the #oor Father +aul stoo# u& an# sai#, (Wait') 5e left the room an# came
$ac0 wearing a long $rown overcoat' 5e followe# 9eon out the #oor an# across the #im churchyar# to
the a#o$e ste&s in front of the church' %hey $oth stoo&e# to fit through the low a#o$e entrance' An#
when they starte# #own the hill to the graveyar# only half of the sun was visi$le a$ove the mesa'
%he &riest a&&roache# the grave slowly, won#ering how they ha# manage# to #ig into the fro<en
groun# an# then he remem$ere# that this was New Ce2ico, an# saw the &ile of col# loose san# $esi#e
the hole' %he &eo&le stoo# close to each other with little clou#s of steam &uffing from their faces' %he
&riest loo0e# at them an# saw a &ile of :ac0ets, gloves, an# scarves in the yellow, #ry tum$lewee#s
that grew in the graveyar#' 5e loo0e# at the re# $lan0et, not sure that %eofilo was so small,
won#ering if it wasn=t some &erverse 3n#ian tric0/something they #i# in Carch to ensure a goo#
harvest/won#ering if may$e ol# %eofilo was actually at shee& cam& corraling the shee& for the
night' *ut there he was, facing into a col# #ry win# an# s;uinting at the last sunlight, rea#y to $ury a
re# wool $lan0et while the faces of the &arishioners were in sha#ow with the last warmth of the sun
on their $ac0s'
!? 5is fingers were stiff, an# it too0 them a long time to twist the li# off the holy water' Dro&s of
water fell on the re# $lan0et an# soa0e# into #ar0 icy s&ots' 5e s&rin0le# the grave an# the water
#isa&&eare# almost $efore it touche# the #im, col# san#6 it remin#e# him of something/he trie# to
remem$er what it was, $ecause he thought if he coul# remem$er he might un#erstan# this' 5e
s&rin0le# more water6 he shoo0 the container until it was em&ty, an# the water fell through the light
from sun#own li0e August rain that fell while the sun was still shining, almost eva&orating $efore it
touche# the wilte# s;uash flowers'
%he win# &ulle# at the &riest=s $rown Franciscan ro$e an# swirle# away the corn meal an# &ollen
that ha# $een s&rin0le# on the $lan0et' %hey lowere# the $un#le into the groun#, an# they #i#n=t
$other to untie the stiff &ieces of new ro&e that were tie# aroun# the en#s of the $lan0et' %he sun was
gone, an# over on the highway the east$oun# lane was full of hea#lights' %he &riest wal0e# away
slowly' 9eon watche# him clim$ the hill, an# when he ha# #isa&&eare# within the tall, thic0 walls,
9eon turne# to loo0 u& at the high $lue mountains in the #ee& snow that reflecte# a faint re# light
from the west' 5e felt goo# $ecause it was finishe#, an# he was ha&&y a$out the s&rin0ling of the holy
water, now the ol# man coul# sen# them $ig thun#erclou#s for sure'
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 45ow woul# you #escri$e the res&onse of 9eon, 7en, 9ouise, an# %eresa to %eofilo=s #eath@ %o
what #egree #oes it resem$le or #iffer from res&onses to #eath that you are familiar with@
,' 45ow #o the funeral rites resem$le or #iffer from those of your community@
!' 45ow well #oes 9eon un#erstan# the &riest@ 5ow well #oes the &riest un#erstan# 9eon@
G' 4At the en# of the story we are tol# that 9eon (felt goo#') Do you assume that the &riest also felt
goo#@ Why, or why not@
?' 4From what &oint of view is the story tol#@ Car0 the &assages where the narrator enters a
character=s min#, an# then e2&lain what, in your o&inion, 8il0o gains (or loses" $y #oing so'
JACK FORBES
Hac0 For$es was $orn in California in 1!G of +owhattan an# Delaware $ac0groun#' 5e teaches
anthro&ology an# Native American stu#ies at the Fniversity of California, Davis, an# is the author of
fiction an# nonfiction, inclu#ing Colum$us an# 1ther Canni$als (1," an# African an# Native
Americans (1!", a stu#y of Ee#4*lac0 &eo&les'
Only Approved Indians Can Play Made in !SA [19"#]
%he All43n#ian *as0et$all %ournament was in its secon# #ay' A2citement was &retty high, $ecause a
lot of the teams were very goo# or at least eager an# hungry to win' Iuite a few &eo&le ha# come to
watch, mostly 3n#ians' Cany were relatives or frien#s of the &layers' A lot of &eo&le were $etting
money an# tension was &retty great'
A team from the %ucson 3nter4%ri$al 5ouse was set to &lay against a grou& from the >reat 9a0es
region' %he %ucson &layers were mostly very #ar0 young men with long $lac0 hair' A few ha# little
goatee $ear#s or mustaches though, an# one of the >reat 9a0es fans ha# starte# a rumor that they
were really Chicanos' %his was a $ig issue since the 3n#ian 8&orts 9eague ha# a rule that all &layers
ha# to $e of one4;uarter or more 3n#ian $loo# an# that they ha# to have their *3A1 roll num$ers
availa$le if challenge#'
An# so a $ig argument starte#' 1ne of the $iggest, #ar0est 3n#ians on the %ucson team ha# $een
single# out as a Chicano, an# the crow# wante# him thrown out' %he >reat 9a0es &layers, most of
whom were &retty light, refuse# to start' %hey all ha# their *3A i#entification car#s, encase# in
&lastic' %his &rove# that they were all real 3n#ians, even a $lon#e4haire# guy' 5e was really only
a$out one4si2teenth $ut the *3A rolls ha# $een change# for his tri$e so legally he was one4fourth'
%here was no ;uestion a$out the >reat 9a0es team' %hey were all lan#4$ase#, fe#erally4recogni<e#
3n#ians, although living in a $ig mi#western city, an# they ha# their car#s to &rove it'
Anyway, the $ig, #ar0 %ucson 3n#ian turne# out to $e a +a&ago' 5e #i#n=t have a *3A car# $ut
he coul# tal0 +a&ago so they let him alone for the time $eing' %hen they turne# towar#s a lean, very
3n#ian4loo0ing guy who ha# a &retty $ig goatee' 5e seeme# to have a 8&anish accent, so they
#eman#e# to see his car#'
? Well, he #i#n=t have one either' 5e sai# he was a full4$loo# %arahumara 3n#ian an# he coul#
also s&ea0 his language' None of the >reat 9a0es 3n#ians coul# tal0 their languages so they sai# that
was no &roof of anything, that you ha# to have a *3A roll num$er'
%he %arahumara man was getting &retty angry $y then' 5e sai# his father an# uncle ha# $een
0ille# $y the whites in Ce2ico an# that he #i# not e2&ect to $e treate# with &re:u#ice $y other
3n#ians'
*ut all that #i# no goo#' 8omeone #eman#e# to 0now if he ha# a reservation an# if his tri$e was
recogni<e#' 5e re&lie# that his &eo&le live# high u& in the mountains an# that they were still resisting
the Ce2icanos, that the government was trying to steal their lan#'
(What state #o your &eo&le live in,) they wante# to 0now' When he sai# that his &eo&le live#
free, outsi#e of control of any state, they only shoo0 their fists at him' (Bou=re not an official 3n#ian'
All official 3n#ians are un#er the whiteman=s rule now' We all have a num$er given to us, to show
that we are recogni<e#')
Well, it all came to an en# when someone shoute# that (%arahumaras #on=t e2ist' %hey=re not
liste# in the *3A #ictionary') Another fan yelle#, (5e=s a Ce2ican' 5e can=t &lay' %his tournament is
only for 3n#ians')
10 %he officials of the tournament ha# $een hu##ling together' 1ne $lew his whistle an# an
announcement was ma#e' (%he %ucson team is #is;ualifie#' 1ne of its mem$er is a Ba;ui' 1ne is a
%arahumara' %he rest are +a&agos' None of them have *3A enrollment car#s' %hey are not 3n#ians
within the meaning of the laws of the government of the Fnite# 8tates' %he >reat 9a0es team is
#eclare# the winner $y #efault')
A tremen#ous roar of a&&lause swe&t through the stan#s' A white *3A official wi&e# the tears
from his eyes an# sai# to a com&anion, (>o# *less America' 3 thin0 we=ve won')
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 4What e2&ectations #i# the title, with its reference to (A&&rove# 3n#ians) an# (Ca#e in F8A,)
suggest to you@
,' 45ow woul# you #escri$e the narrator=s tone@
JOHN UPDIKE
Hohn F&#i0e ($' 1!," grew u& in 8hillington, +ennsylvania, where his father was a teacher an# his
mother a writer' After receiving a *'A' #egree in 1?G from 5arvar#, where he e#ite# the 5arvar#
9am&oon (for which he $oth wrote an# #rew", he stu#ie# #rawing at 12for# for a year, $ut an offer from
%he New Bor0er $rought him $ac0 to the Fnite# 8tates' 5e was hire# as a re&orter for the maga<ine $ut
soon $egan contri$uting &oetry, essays, an# fiction' 3n 1?. he left %he New Bor0er in or#er to write
in#e&en#ently full time, though his stories an# $oo0 reviews a&&ear regularly in it'
3n 1? F&#i0e &u$lishe# his first $oo0 of stories (%he 8ame Door" an# also his first novel (%he
+oorhouse Fair"6 the ne2t year he &u$lishe# Ea$$it, Eun, a highly successful novel whose &rotagonist,
(Ea$$it) Angstrom, has rea&&eare# in three later novels, Ea$$it Ee#u2 (1.1", Ea$$it 3s Eich (1J1", an#
Ea$$it at Eest (10"' %he first an# last Ea$$it $oo0s each won a +ulit<er +ri<e'
The Ru$or [199%]
Fran0 an# 8haron Whittier ha# come from the Cincinnati area an#, with an inheritance of hers an# a
sum $orrowe# from his father, ha# o&ene# a small art gallery on the fourth floor of a narrow $uil#ing
on West Fifty4seventh 8treet' %hey ha# 0nown each other as chil#ren6 their families ha# $een in the
same country4clu$ set' %hey ha# marrie# in 1.1, when Fran0 was freshly gra#uate# from 1$erlin
an# Vietnam4vulnera$le an# 8haron was only nineteen, a so&homore at Antioch ma:oring in #ance'
*y the time, si2 years later, they arrive# in New Bor0, they ha# two small chil#ren6 the $irth of a
thir# le# them to give u& their a&artment an# the city struggle an# move to a house in 5astings, a low
stucco house with a wi#e4eave# Wright4style roof an# a view, through massive $eeches at the $ottom
of the yar#, of the lea#en, ongli#ing 5u#son' %hey were ha&&y, surely' %hey ha# #ry mi#western
taste, an# $y stic0ing to re&resentational &ainters an# a$stract scul&tors they manage# to survive the
uglier Aighties styles/fau2 graffiti, neoK>erman e2&ressionism, catho#e4ray &role &lay, ecological4
&rotest trash art/an# $ring their ;uiet, chaste string of fourth4floor rooms into the calm lagoon of
Nineties eclectic revivalism an# su$#ue# recession chic' %hey &ros&ere#6 their youngest chil# turne#
twelve, their ol#est was filling out college a&&lications'
When 8haron first hear# the rumor that Fran0 ha# left her for a young homose2ual with whom
he was having an affair, she ha# to laugh, for, far from having left her, there he was, right in the
lam&lit stu#y with her, ri&&ing &ages out of A%7news'
(3 #on=t thin0 so, Avis,) she sai# to the gra&hic artist on the other en# of the line' (5e=s right
here with me' Woul# you li0e to say hello@) %he easy refutation was ma#e a##itionally sweet $y the
fact that, some years $efore, there ha# $een a $rief (8haron thought" romantic flare4u& $etween her
hus$an# an# this caller, an overanimate# re#hea# with &rotu$erant chee0s an# chin' Avis was a
secon#4wave a&&ro&riationist who ma#e color Lero2es of master&iece out of art $oo0s an# then
signe# them in an in0 mi2e# of her own $loo# an# urine' 5ow coul# she, who ha# actually sle&t with
Fran0, $e imaging this grotes;ue thing@
%he voice on the &hone gushe# as if relieve# an# &lease#' (3 0now, it=s wil#ly a$sur#, $ut 3 hear#
it from two sources with a$solutely solemn assurance')
? (Who were these sources@)
(3=m not sure they=# li0e you to 0now' *ut it was A# Haffrey an# then that $oy who=s $een living
with Walton Forney, what #oes he call himself, one of those single names li0e Ca#onna/Ho:oD)
(Well, then,) 8haron $egan'
(*ut 3=ve hear# it from still others,) Avis insiste#' (All over town/it=s in the air' Coul#n=t you
an# Fran0 o something a$out it, if it=s not true@)
(3f,) 8haron &roteste#, an# her thrust of im&atience carrie#, when she &ut #own the receiver, into
her conversation with Fran0' (Avis says you=re su&&ose# to have run off with your homose2ual
lover')
10 (3 #on=t have a homose2ual lover,) Fran0 sai#, too calmly, ri&&ing an auction a# out of the
maga<ine'
(8he says all New Bor0 says you #o')
(Well, what are you going to $elieve, all New Bor0 or your own e2&erience@ 5ere 3 sit, faithful to
a fault, straight as a #ie, whatever that means' We ma#e love :ust two nights ago')
3t seeme# &ossi$ly revealing to her that he so #istinctly remem$ere#, as if heterose2ual
&erformance were a #uty he chec0e# off' 5e was/ha# always $een, for over twenty years/a slim
$lon# man several inches un#er si2 feet tall, with a narrow hea# he li0e# to 0ee& trim, even #uring
those years when long hair was in fashion, mil0y4$lue eyes set at a slight tilt, such as you see on
certain taut 8lavic or Norwegian faces, an# a small, &recise mouth he 0e&t &urse# over teeth a sha#e
too &rominent an# yellow' 5e was reluctant to smile, as if giving something away, an# was vain of
his flat $elly an# lithe collegiate con#ition' 5e weighe# himself every morning on the $athroom scale,
an# if he weighe# a &oun# more than yester#ay, he s0i&&e# lunch' 3n this, an# in his general attention
to his own &erson, he was as ;uietly fanatic as/it for the first time occurre# to her/a woman'
(Bou 0now 3=ve never li0e# the ;ueer si#e of this $usiness,) he went on' (3=ve :ust gotten use# to
it' 3 #on=t even thin0 anymore, who=s gay an# who isn=t')
1? (Avis was 0u$ilant,) 8haron sai#' (5ow coul# she thin0 it@)
3t too0 him a moment to focus on the ;uestion an# reali<e that his answer was im&ortant to her'
5e $ecame nettle#' (As0 $er how,) he sai#' (1ur $rief an# regretta$le relationshi&, if that=s what
interests you, seeme# satisfactory to me at least' What trou$les an# ama<es me, if 3 may say so, is how
you can $e ta0ing this ri#iculous rumor so seriously')
(3=m no#, Fran0,) she insiste#, then $ac0trac0e#' (*ut why woul# such a rumor come out of thin
air@ Doesn=t there have to $e some#$in!8 8ince we move# u& here, we=re not together so much,
naturally, some #ays when 3 can=t come into town you=re gone si2teen hours' ' ' ')
(*ut S$aron,) he sai#, li0e a teacher restoring #isci&line, removing his rea#ing glasses from his
almon#4sha&e# eyes, with their stu$$y fair lashes' (Don=t you know me@ Aver since after that #ance
when you were si2teen, that time $y the la0e@ ' ' ')
8he #i#n=t want to reminisce' %heir early se2 ha# $een #ifficult for her6 she ha# su$mitte# to his
a#vances out of a larger, more social, rather i#ealistic attraction' 8he 0new that together they woul#
have the strength to get out of Cincinnati an#, singly or marrie# to others, they woul# stay' (Well,)
she sai#, en:oying this sensation, #es&ite the chill the rumor ha# awa0ene# in her, of #escen#ing to a
#ee&er level of intimacy than usual, (how well #o you 0now even your own s&ouse@ +eo&le are foole#
all the time' +eggy Haco$son, for instance, when 5enry ran off with that &hysical thera&ist, coul#n=t
$elieve, even when the evi#ence was right there in front of her/)
,0 (3=m ee"ly insulte#,) Fran0 interru&te#, his mouth tense in that way he ha# when ma0ing a :o0e
$ut not wanting to show his teeth' (Cy masculinity is insulte#') *ut he coul#n=t #eny himself a
#ownwar# glance into his maga<ine6 his ti#y white han# :er0e#, as if wanting to tear out yet another
item that might $e useful to their $usiness' 3ntimacy ha# always ma#e him nervous' 8he 0e&t at it,
rather ho&elessly' (Avis sai# two se&arate &eo&le ha# solemnly assure# her')
(Who, e2actly@)
When she tol# him, he sai#, e2actly as she ha# #one, (Well, then') 5e a##e#, (Bou 0now how
gays are' Calicious' Cischievous' %hey have all that time an# money on their han#s')
(Bou soun# :ealous') 8omething a$out the way he was arguing with her strengthene# 8haron=s
sus&icion that, outrageous as the rumor was/in#ee#, because it was outrageous/it was true'
3n the #ays that followe#, now that she was alert to the rumor=s va&orous &resence, she imagine#
it everywhere/on the &oise# young faces of their staff, in the #elicate negotiatory accents of their
artists= agents, in the heartier tones of their re&eat customers, even in the gruff, self4occu&ie#
ram$lings of the artists themselves' +eo&le seeme# startle# when she an# Fran0 entere# a room
together: %he #es0 rece&tionist an# the security guar# in their gallery halte# their #aily morning
$anter, an# the waiters in their &et restaurant, over on Fifty4ninth, a&&eare# es&ecially effusive an#
attentive' 5an#sha0es laste# a secon# too long, women em$race# her with an e2tra s;uee<e, she felt
herself ensnare# in a soft net of uns&o0en &ity'
,? Fran0 sense# her #iscomfort an# too0 a certain malicious &leasure in it, enacting all the while his
&erfect innocence' 5e com&ose# himself to a&&ear, from her angle, aloof a$ove the rumor' Dealing
&rofessionally in so much a$sur#ity/the art worl#=s frantic attention4getting, stu#ie# grotes;ueries/
he merely intensifie# the fasti#ious #ryness that ha# sustaine# their gallery through wave after wave
of changing4fashion, an# that ha#, li0e a roc0et=s heat4resistant s0in, insulate# their launch, their
esca&e from the comforta$le riverine smugness of this metro&olis of #rea#ful free#om' %he rumor
amuse# him, an# it amuse# him, too, to notice how she hel&lessly watche# to see if in the
metro&olitan throngs his eyes now followe# young men as once they ha# notice# an# followe# young
women' 8he o$serve# his gestures/always a $it e2cessively graceful an# &recise/#istrustfully, an#
listene# for the $uttery, ree#y tone of voice that might signal an invisi$le se2 change'
%hat even in some small fraction of her she was willing to $elieve the rumor :ustifie# a certain
maliciousness on his &art' 5e coul#n=t hel& teasing her/glancing over at her, say, when an
es&ecially magnetic young waiter serve# them, or at home, in their $e#room, &ushing more $rus;uely
than was his style at her increasing se2ual unwillingness' Core than once, at last away from the
countless 0nowing eyes of their New Bor0 milieu, in the &rivacy of their 5astings u&stairs, $eneath
the wi#e mi#western eaves, she $urst into tears an# struc0 out at him, his infuriating, im&ervious,
a&&arent $lamelessness' 5e was li0e one of those &hoto4realist nu#es, merciless in every #etail an# yet
su$tly, #efiantly, not there, not human' (Bou=re #istant,) she accuse# him, (Bou=ve always $een')
(3 #on=t mean to $e' Bou #i#n=t use# to min# my manner' Bou thought it was ;uietly masterful')
(3 was a teenage girl' 3 #eferre# to you')
(3t wor0e# out,) he &ointe# out, lifting his han#s in an effete, #isclaiming way from his si#es, to
ta0e in their room, their e2&ensive house, their :oint career' (What is it that $others you, 8haron@ %he
i#ea of losing me@ 1r the insult to your female &ri#e@ %he &eo&le who starte# this ri#iculous rumor
#on=t even see women' Women to them are :ust $ac0groun# noise')
!0 (3t=s no# ri#iculous/if it were, why #oes it 0ee& on an# on, even though we=re seen together all
the time@)
For, ostensi$ly to ;uiet her an# to ;uench the rumor, he ha# all $ut cease# to go to the city alone,
an# too0 her with him even though it meant some neglect of the house an# their sons'
Fran0 as0e#, (Who says it 0ee&s on all the time@ 3=ve never hear# it, never once, e2ce&t from
you' Who=s mentione# it lately@)
(No$o#y')
(Well, then') 5e smile#, his li&s not ;uite &arting on his curve# teeth, tawny li0e a $eaver=s'
!? (Bou $astar#D) 8haron $urst out' (Bou have some stin0ing little secretD)
(3 #on=t,) he serenely half4lie#'
%he rumor ha# no factual $asis' *ut was there, Fran0 as0e# himself, some truth to it after all@
Not circumstantial truth, $ut some higher, inner truth@ As a young man, slight of $uil#, with artistic
interests, ha# he not $een fearful of $eing mista0en for a homose2ual@ 5a# he not res&on#e# to
homose2ual overtures as they arose, in $ars an# loc0er rooms, with a #is&ro&ortionate terror an#
re&ugnance@ 5a# not his early marriage, an# then, ten years later, his flurry of a#ulterous
womani<ing, $een an esca&e of sorts, into safe, socially a&&rove# terrain@ When he fantasi<e#, or saw
a &ornogra&hic movie, was not the male organ the hero of the occasion for him, at the center of every
scene@ Were not those slavish, la&&ing starlets his ro$otli0e #elegates, with gla<e# eyes an#
un#istur$e# coiffures venturing where he #i# not #are@ Di# he not, &erha&s, envy women their
&rivilege of worshi&ing the &hallus@ *ut, Fran0 as0e# himself, in fairness, arguing $oth si#es of the
case, can homose2ual stran#s $e entirely #isentangle# from heterose2ual in that &in0 muc0 of carnal
e2citement, of #ream ma#e flesh, of return to the &rese2ual wom$@
Core $roa#ly, ha# he not felt more comforta$le with his father than with his mother@ Was not
this in itself a sinister reversal of the usual $iology@ 5is father ha# $een a genteel Fourth 8treet
lawyer, of no &articular effectuality save that most of his clients were from the same social class, with
the same accents an# comforta$ly narrowe# as&irations, here on this &lateau $y the swelling 1hio'
Dar0er an# taller than Fran0, with the same long teeth an# &rimly set mouth, his father ha# ha# the
lawyer=s gift of silence, of :u#icious withhol#ing, an# in his son=s scattere# memories of times
together/a tri& #owntown on the trolley to $uy Fran0 his first suit, each summer=s one or two
e2cursions to see the Ee#s &lay at ol# Crosley Fiel#/the man sai# little' %his &rim reserve, letting so
much go unstate# an# unac0nowle#ge#, was a relief after the #aily shower of wor#s an# affection an#
a#vice Fran0 receive# from his mother' As an a#ult he was attracte#, he ha# notice#, to stoical men,
taller than he an# nursing an une2&resse# sa#ness6 his favorite college roommate ha# $een of this
saturnine ty&e, an# his &et tennis &artner in 5astings, an# artists he es&ecially favore# an#
encourage#/#our, weathere# lan#sca&ists an# virtually illiterate scul&tors, wel#e# soli# into their
crafts an# stu$$orn o$sessions' With these men he $ecame a catering, wifely, su$tly agitate# &resence
that 8haron woul# scarcely recogni<e'
Fran0=s mother, once a fluffy $elle from 9ouisville, ha# $een gau#y, stri#ent, sar#onic, volatile,
nee#y, #eman#ing, loving6 from her he ha# inherite# his (artistic) si#e, as well as his &retty
$lon#ness, $ut he was not es&ecially grateful' 9ess/as was &ro&ose# $y a famous formula he #i#n=t
0now as a $oy/woul# have $een more' 5is mother ha# given him an im&ression of women as
com&le2, $rightly4colore# tra&s, attractive $ut treacherous, their &etals a&t to har#en in an instant into
0nives' A certain wistful &allor, in#ee#, a lim& hel&lessness, ha# #rawn him to 8haron an#, after the
initial #a<<lement of the Avises of the worl# fa#e# an# fi<<le#, always #rew him $ac0' 1ther women
as0e# more than he coul# &rovi#e6 he was aware of other, $igger, warmer men they ha# ha#' *ut with
8haron he ha# $een a rescuing 0night, slaying the #ragon of the win#ing 1hio' Bet what more
#evastatingly, an# less forgiva$ly, confirme# the rumor=s essential truth than her willingness, she
who 0new him $est an# owe# him most, to entertain it@ 5er instinct ha# $een to $elieve Avis even
though, far from run off, he was sitting there right in front of her eyes'
G0 5e was unreal to her, he coul# not hel& $ut conclu#e: all those years of u2orious coha$itation,
those nights of lovema0ing an# #ays of homema0ing ungratefully a$sor$e# an# now su##enly
#ismisse# $ecause of an a&&arition, a sha#ow of gossi&' 1n the other han#, now that the rumor
e2iste#, Fran0 ha# $ecome more real in the eyes of HosM, the younger, #aintier of the two security
guar#s, whose #aily greetings ha# e#ge# $eyon# the &erfunctory6 a certain mischievous #ance in the
$oy=s sa$le eyes animate# their em&loyerKem&loyee courtesies' An# Hennifer, too, the severely
$eautiful rece&tionist, with her rather 8i2ties4reminiscent $angs an# shawls an# sera&es, now treate#
him more rela2e#ly, even offhan#e#ly, as if he ha# somehow #ro&&e# out of her calculations' 8he
assume# with him a comra#ely slanginess/(%he $oss was in earlier $ut she went out to e2change
something at *er#orf=s)/as if $oth he an# she were in roughly &arallel ironic $on#age to (the $oss')
Fran0=s heart felt a refle2 loyalty to 8haron, a single shar& $eat, $ut then he too rela2e#, as if his
&hantom male lover an# the weightless, scan#al4veile# life that live# with him in some glowing
a&artment ha# $estowe# at last what the city ha# withhel# from the overwor0e#, chil#4$ur#ene#
marrie# cou&le who ha# arrive# fourteen years ago/a halo of glamour, of #e$onair uncaring'
3n 5astings, when he an# his wife atten#e# a su$ur$an &arty, the effect was less flattering' %he
other cou&les, he imagine#, were slightly unsettle# $y the Whittiers stu$$ornly a&&earing together
an# $ecame #is:ointe# in their &resence, the men #rifting off in #istaste, the women turning
su&ernormal an# laying u& a chin0less wall of conversation a$out chil#ren=s college a&&lications,
local <oning, an# Wall 8treet layoffs' %he women, it seeme# to Fran0, e#ge#, with an instinctive
animal movement, a few inches closer to 8haron an# touche# her with a #eft, &rotective flic0ing on
the shoul#er or forearm, to e2&ress soli#arity an# sym&athy'
Wes Eo$ertson, Fran0=s favorite tennis &artner, came over to him an# grunte#' (5ow=s it going@)
52ine,6 Fran0 sai#, staring u& at Wes with what he ho&e# weren=t un#uly starry eyes' Wes, who
ha# recently turne# fifty, ha# an ol# motorcycle4acci#ent scar on one si#e of his chin, a small &ale
rose of #iscoloration that seeme# to concentrate on the man=s self4careless manliness' Fran0 gave him
more of an answer than he might have wante#: (3n the art game we=re feeling the slow#own li0e
every$o#y else, $ut the Ha&anese are 0ee&ing the roof from caving in' %he trou$le with the Ha&anese,
though, is, from the stan#&oint of a marginal gallery li0e ours, they aren=t a#venturous/they want
$lue chi&s, they want guarantee# value, they can=t gras& that in art, value has to $e su$:ective to an
e2tent' 9oo0 at their own stuff/it=s all stan#ar#i<e#' Who the hell can tell a 5iroshige from a
5o0usai@1 When you thin0 a$out it, their whole society, their whole success, really, is $ase# on
every$o#y $eing ali0e, every$o#y agreeing' %he notion of art as a struggle, a gam$le, as the #ynamic
em$o#iment of an e2istential &ro$lem, they :ust #on=t get it') 5e was tal0ing too much, he 0new, $ut
he coul#n=t hel& it6 Wes=s scowling &resence, his melancholy scarre# face, an# his stringy alcoholic
$o#y, which nevertheless coul# still whi& a $ac0han# right across the forecourt, &erversely e2cite#
Fran0, ma#e him want to flirt'
Wes grimace# an# contem&late# Fran0 glumly' (*e aroun# for a game 8un#ay@) Ceaning, ha#
he really run off@
G? (1f course' Why woul#n=t 3 $e@) %his was teasing the issue, an# Fran0 trie# to so$er u&, to rein
in' 5e felt a flush on his face an# a stammer coming on' 5e as0e#, (%he usual time@ %en forty4five,
more or less@)
Wes no##e#' (8ure')
Fran0 chattere# on: (9et=s try to get court ? this time' %hose $rats having their lessons on court
, #rove me cra<y last time' We s&ent all our time retrieving their #amn $alls' An# listening to their
moronic chatter')
Wes #i#n=t grant this attem&t at evocation of &ast liaisons even a wor#, :ust continue# his
melancholy, stoical no##ing' %his was one of the things, it occurre# to Fran0, that he li0e# a$out
men: their relational minimalism, their gen#er4$ase# reali<ation that the cu&$oar# of life,
emotionally s&ea0ing, was &retty near $are' %here wasn=t that tireless, ir0some, $right4eye# $o"e
women 0e&t fluttering at you'
1nce, years ago, on a stag golfing tri& to *ermu#a, he an# Wes ha# share# a room with two
single $e#s, an# Wes ha# fallen aslee& within a minute an# starte# snoring, 0ee&ing Fran0 awa0e for
much of the night' Contem&lating the unconscious male $o#y on its moonlit $e#, Fran0 ha# $een
struc0 $y the tragic #ignity of this su&ine form, li0e a stone 0night ero#ing on a tom$/the snoring
&rofile in motionless gray silhouette, the massive, sacre# warrior weight hel&less as Wes=s $reathing
struggle# from &hase to &hase of the slee& cycle, from #ee& to EAC to a near4wa0efulness that
$rought a few merciful minutes of silence' %he ne2t morning, Wes sai# Fran0 shoul# have reache#
over an# &o0e# him in the si#e6 that=s what his wife #i#' *ut he wasn=t his wife, Fran0 thought,
though in the course of that night=s or#eal, he ha# felt his heart ma0e many curious motions, among
them the heaving, all4$ut4im&ossi$le effort women=s hearts ma0e in overcoming men=s heavy
grayness an# achieving/a rain$ow $orn of #ri<<le/love'
?0 At the o&ening of Ne# Forschheimer=s show/Forschheimer, a shy, ru#e, stu$$orn, an# now
el#erly &ainter of tea4colore#, wintry Connecticut lan#sca&es, was one of Fran0=s &ets, unfashiona$le
yet snea0ily sala$le/none other than Walton Forney came u& to Fran0, his roun# face lit $y white
wine an# o##, un;uencha$le self4#elight, an# sai#, (8ay, Fran0, ol# $oy' Cethin0s 3 owe you an
a&ology' 3t was Charlie Whit&iel that use# to run that framing sho& #own on Aighth 8treet, who left
his wife su##enly, with some little >uatemalan $oy he was &utting through CCNB on the si#e' %hey
too0 off for Ce2ico an# left the missus sitting with the sho& mortgage# u& to its attic an# a$out a
hun#re# &rints of wil# #uc0s left unframe#' %he thing that must have confuse# me, Charlie came
from 1hio, too/Colum$us or Clevelan#, one of those' 3t was/what #o they call it/a Freu#ian sli&,
an un#erstan#a$le confusion' Avis Wasserman tol# me 8haron wasn=t all that thrille# to get the wor#
a while ago, an# you must have won#ere# yourself what the hell was u&')
(We ignore# it,) Fran0 sai#, in a voice firmer an# less catering than his usual one' (We rose
a$ove it') Walton was a num$er of inches shorter than Fran0, with yet a $igger hea#6 his gleaming,
thin4s0inne# face, $earing smooth :owls that ha# clim$e# into his si#e$urns, was sha#owe# $lue here
an# there, li0e the moon' 5is $ruise# an# &ow#ere# loo0 somehow went with his small, s&ace# teeth
an# the hori<ontal re# trac0s his glasses ha# left in the fat in front of his ears'
%he man ga<e# at Fran0 with a gleaming, sagging lower li&, his nearsighte# little eyes trying to
assess the #amage, the #e&th of the gru#ge' (Well, mea cul&a, mea cul&a, 3 guess, though 3 in,# tell
Ho:o an# that "oisonous A# Haffrey to go $la$$ing it all over town')
(Well, than0s for telling me, Wally, 3 guess') De&en#ing on which man he was stan#ing with,
Fran0 felt large an# straight an# sonorous or, as with Wes, gracile an# flighty' 8haron, scenting $loo#
ami# the vacuous $ur$le of the &arty, &ushe# herself through the crow# an# :oine# the two men' %o
#eny Walton the &leasure, Fran0 ;uic0ly tol# her, (Wally :ust confesse# to me he starte# the rumor
$ecause Charlie Whitfiel# #owntown, who #i# run off with some$o#y, came from 1hio, too' %ole#o,
as 3 remem$er')
(1h, that rumor,) 8haron sai#, $lin0ing once, as if her &arty mascara were stic0ing' (3=#
forgotten it' Who coul# $elieve it, of Fran0@)
?? (Avery$o#y, evi#ently,) Fran0 sai#' 3t was &ossi$le, given the strange, willful ways of women,
that she ha# forgotten it, even while Fran0 ha# $een $roo#ing over its &ossi$le :ustice' 3f the rumor
were truly #is&erse#/an# Walton woul# un#ou$te#ly tell the story of his Freu#ian sli& aroun# town
as a self4&romoting :o0e on himself/Fran0 woul# feel #iminishe#' 5e woul# lose that small sa#istic
&ower to ma0e her watch him watching waiters in restaurants, an# to $ring her into town as his
cha&eron' 5e woul# feel emasculate# if she no longer thought he ha# a secret' Bet that night, at the
&arty, Walton Forney=s Ho:o ha# come u& to him' 5e ha# seeme#, #es&ite an earring the si<e of a
faucet washer an# a stri&e of $leach in the center of his hair, une2&ecte#ly intelligent an# low40ey,
offering, not in so many wor#s, a 0in# of a&ology, an# &raising the tea4colore# lan#sca&es $eing
offere# for sale' (3=ve $een thin0ing, in my own wor0, of going, you 0now, more tra#itional' Bou get
this feeling of, li0e, a #ea# en# with a$straction') %he $oy ha# a $ony, rueful face, with a silvery line
of a scar un#er one eye, an# seeme# uncertain in manner, hesitantly murmurous, as if at a &oint in
life where he nee#e# #irection' %he fat fool Forney coul# certainly not &rovi#e that, an# it &lease#
Fran0 to imagine that Ho:o was $eginning to reali<e it'
%he car as he an# 8haron #rove home together along the 5u#son felt close6 the heater fan $lew
o&&ressively, &archingly' (9ou were willing to $elieve it at first,) he remin#e# her'
(Well, Avis seeme# so #efinite' *ut you convince# me')
(5ow@)
8he &lace# her han# high on his thigh an# #ug her fingers in, annoyingly, infuriatingly' (Bou
0now,) she sai#, in a lower register, meant to $e se2y, $ut almost inau#i$le with the noise of the
heater fan'
-0 (%hat coul# $e mere &erformance,) he warne# her' (Women are foole# that way all the time')
(Who says@)
(Avery$o#y' *oo0s' +roust', +eo&le aren=t that sim&le')
(%hey=re sim&le enough,) 8haron sai#, in a neutral, #efensive tone, removing her &resum&tuous
han#'
(3f you say so,) he sai#, somewhat stoically, his min# #rifting' %hat silvery line of a scar un#er
Ho:o=s left eye ' ' ' lean long muscles snugly wra&&e# in white s0in ' ' ' lofts ' ' ' 5ellenic fellowshi&,
!
e2ercise machines ' ' ' #irect negotiations, a sim&le transaction among e;uals' %he rumor might $e
#ea# in the worl#, $ut in him it ha# come alive'
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 4What &oint of view is use# in the first &aragra&h of the story@
,' Consi#er the following line from the story:
(3 #on=t have a homose2ual lover,) Fran0 sai#, too calmly, ri&&ing an auction a# out of the
catalog'
What is the &oint of view@
!' 45ow woul# you characteri<e the &oint of view in the following &assage, from near the en# of the
story@
8he &lace# her han# high on his thigh an# #ug her fingers in, annoyingly, infuriatingly'
(Bou 0now,) she sai# in a lower register, meant to $e se2y, $ut almost inau#i$le with the
noise of the heater fan'
G' 4Do you thin0 Fran0 is homose2ual@ +lease e2&lain'
?' 4Fran0 says, (Bou 0now how gays are' Calicious' Cischievous') %o the $est of your 0nowle#ge,
is this a wi#es&rea# stereoty&e of gays, or is the i#ea new to you@ Cight the characteri<ation $e
a&&lie# to Fran0 himself@
GLORIA NAYLOR
:loria Naylor ;b' 19<=>, a na#ive o& New 9ork 1i#y, $ols a bac$elor,s e!ree &rom *rooklyn 1olle!e
an a mas#er,s e!ree in A&ro4American S#uies &rom 9ale .niversi#y' 57$e 7wo6 comes &rom 7$e
(omen o& *rews#er Place ;198?>, a book #$a# won #$e American *ook Awar &or 2irs# 2ic#ion' Naylor
$as subsequen#ly "ublis$e &our novels an 1en#ennial ;198/>, a work o& non&ic#ion'
The Two [19"&]
At first they seeme# li0e such nice girls' No one coul# remem$er e2actly when they ha# move# into
*rewster' 3t was earlier in the year $efore *en1 was 0ille#/of course, it ha# to $e $efore *en=s #eath'
*ut no one remem$ere# if it was in the winter or s&ring of that year that the two ha# come' +eo&le
often came an# went on *rewster +lace li0e a restless night=s #ream, moving in an# out in the #ar0 to
avoi# eviction notices or neigh$orhoo# $ulletins a$out the #ila&i#ate# con#ition of their furnishings'
8o it wasn=t until the two were cloc0e# leaving in the mornings an# returning in the evenings at
regular intervals that it was ;uietly a$sor$e# that they now claime# *rewster as home' An# *rewster
waite#, cautiously &re&are# to claim them, $ecause you never 0new a$out young women, an#
o$viously single at that' *ut when no wil# music or #run0en frien#s careene# out of the corner
$uil#ing on wee0en#s, an# es&ecially, when no slightly eager hus$an#s were encourage# to linger
aroun# that first4floor a&artment an# run erran#s for them, a sus&en#e# sigh of relief floate# aroun#
the two when they #um&e# their gar$age, #i# their sho&&ing, an# hea#e# for the morning $us'
%he women of *rewster ha# rea#ily acce&te# the lighter, s0inny one' %here wasn=t much threat
in her timi# mincing wal0 an# the slightly &rotru#ing teeth she seeme# so eager to show everyone in
her $ell4li0e goo# mornings an# evenings' *reaths were hel# a little longer in the #irection of the
short #ar0 one/too &retty, an# too much $ehin#' An# she insiste# on wearing those thin Iiana
#resses that the summer $ree<e mol#e# against the ma##ening rhythm of the twenty &oun#s of
roun#e# flesh that she swung stea#ily #own the street' %hrough slitte# eyes, the women watche# their
men watching her &ass, 0nowing the $astar#s were &raying for a win#' *ut since she seeme#
o$livious to whether these su&&lications went answere#, their sighs settle# aroun# her shoul#ers too'
Nice girls'
An# so no one even care# to remem$er e2actly when they ha# move# into *rewster +lace, until
the rumor starte#' 3t ha# first s&rea# through the $loc0 li0e a sour o#or that=s only faintly &erce&ti$le
an# easily ignore# until it starts growing in strength from the #o<en mouths it ha# $een lying in,
among clammy gums an# scum4coate# teeth' An# then it was everywhere/lining the mouths an#
whitening the li&s of everyone as they wrin0le# u& their noses at its &erva#ing smell, una$le to
&in&oint the source or time of its initial arrival' 8o&hie coul#/she ha# $een there'
3t wasn=t that the rumor ha# actually $egun with 8o&hie' A rumor nee#s no true &arent' 3t only
nee#s a willing carrier, an# it foun# one in 8o&hie' 8he ha# $een there/on one of those August
evenings when the sun=s a$sence is a moc0ery $ecause the heat leaves the air so heavy it &resses the
na0e# s0in #own on your $o#y, to the &oint that a sheet $ecomes un$eara$le an# slee& im&ossi$le' 8o
most of *rewster was outsi#e that night when the two ha# come in together, &ro$a$ly from one of
those air4con#itione# movies #owntown, an# ha# greete# the ones who were loitering aroun# their
$uil#ing' An# they ha# starte# u& the ste&s when the s0inny one tri&&e# over a chil#=s $all an# the
#ar0er one ha# gra$$e# her $y the arm an# aroun# the waist to $rea0 her fall' (Careful, #on=t wanna
lose you now') An# the two of them ha# laughe# into each other=s eyes an# went into the $uil#ing'
? %he smell ha# $egun there' 3t outline# the image of the stum$ling woman an# the one who ha#
$ro0en her fall' 8o&hie an# a few other women sniffe# at the s&ot an# then, &er&le2e#, silently loo0e#
at each other' Where ha# they seen that $efore@ %hey ha# often laughe# an# touche# each other/
hel# each other in :oy or its #ar0 twin/$ut where ha# they seen #$a# $efore@ 3t came to them as the
scent #rifte# #own the ste&s an# entere# their nostrils on the way to their inner mouths' %hey ha#
seen that/#one that/with their men' %hat share# moment of invisi$le communion reserve# for two
an# hi##en from the rest of the worl# $ehin# laughter or tears or a touch' 3n the #ays $efore $a$ies,
miscarriages, an# other $ro0en #reams, after stolen caresses in $arn stalls an# cotton houses, after
intimate wal0s from church an# secret 0isses with $oys who were now long forgotten or &ermanently
fi2e# in their lives/that was where' %hey coul# almost feel the o#or moving a$out in their mouths,
an# they slowly 0nitte# themselves together an# let it out into the air li0e a yellow mist that $egan to
cling to the $ric0s on *rewster'
8o it got aroun# that the two in !1, were #$a# way' An# they ha# seeme# li0e such nice girls'
%heir regular e2its an# entrances to the $loc0 were viewe# with a :aun#ice# eye' %he ;uiet that reste#
aroun# their #oor on the wee0en#s hinte# of all sorts of secret rituals, an# their frien#ly in#ifference
to the men on the street was an insult to the women as a $ra<en flaunting of unnatural ways'
8ince 8o&hie=s a&artment win#ows face# theirs from across the air shaft, she $ecame the official
watchman for the $loc0, an# her o&inions were #eferre# to whenever the two came u& in
conversation' 8o&hie too0 her &osition seriously an# was constantly alert for any telltale signs that
might cree& out aroun# their #rawn sha#es, across from which she 0e&t a religious vigil' An entire
wee0 of #rawn sha#es was evi#ence enough to sen# her flying aroun# with re&orts that as soon as it
got #ar0 they &ulle# their sha#es #own an# &ut on the lights' 5ea#s no##e# in 0nowing unison/a
#efinite sign' 3f #ou$t was voice# with a (*ut 3 &ull my sha#es #own at night too,) a whis&ere#
(Beah, $ut you=re not #$a# way) was argument enough to win them over'
8o&hie watche# the lighter one #um&ing their gar$age, an# she went outsi#e an# o&ene# the li#'
5er eyes #arte# over the crushe# tin cans, vegeta$le &eelings, an# em&ty chocolate chi& coo0ie $o2es'
What #o they #o with all them chocolate chi& coo0ies@ 3t was surely a sign, $ut it woul# ta0e some
time to figure that one out' 8he saw *en go into their a&artment, an# she waite# an# $loc0e# his &ath
as he came out, carrying his tool$o2'
(What ya see@) 8he gra$$e# his arm an# whis&ere# wetly in his face'
10 *en stare# at her s;uinte# eyes an# #roo&ing li&s an# shoo0 his hea# slowly' (Fh, uh, uh, it was
terri$le')
(Beah@) 8he move# in a little closer'
(Worst $uste# faucet 3 seen in my whole life') 5e shoo0 her han# off his arm an# left her
stan#ing in the mi##le of the $loc0'
(Bou ol# so& $uc0et,) she muttere#, as she went $ac0 u& on her stoo&' A $ro0en faucet, huh@
Why #i# they nee# to use so much water@
8o&hie ha# &lenty to re&ort that #ay' *en ha# sai# it was terri$le in there' No, she #i#n=t 0now
e2actly what he ha# seen, $ut you can imagine/an# they #i#' Confronte# with the #ifference that
ha# $een thrust into their &re#icta$le worl#, they reache# into their imaginations an#, using an
ancient &attern, weave# themselves a reason for its e2istence' 1ut of necessity they stitche# all of
their secret fears an# lingering chil#hoo# nightmares into this e2istence, $ecause even though it was
#ece&tive enough to try an# loo0 as they loo0e#, tal0 as they tal0e#, an# #o as they #i#, it ha# to have
some hi##en stain to invali#ate it/it was im&ossi$le for them $oth to $e right' 8o they leane# $ac0,
su&&orte# $y the sheer weight of their num$ers an# comforte# $y the woven $arrier that 0e&t them
&rotecte# from the yellow mist that enshrou#e# the two as they came an# went on *rewster +lace'
1? 9orraine was the first to notice the change in the &eo&le on *rewster +lace' 8he was a shy $ut
naturally frien#ly woman who got u& early, an# ha# rea# the morning &a&er an# #one fifty sit4u&s
$efore it was time to leave for wor0' 8he came out of her a&artment eager to start her #ay $y greeting
any of her neigh$ors who were outsi#e' *ut she notice# that some of the &eo&le who ha# s&o0en to
her $efore ma#e a &oint of having something else to #o with their eyes when she &asse#, although she
coul# almost feel them staring at her $ac0 as she move# on' %he ones who still s&o0e only #i# so after
an uncomforta$le &ause, in which they seeme# to $e &eering through her $efore they $egru#ge# her a
goo# morning or evening' 8he won#ere# if it was all in her min# an# she thought a$out mentioning it
to %heresa, $ut she #i#n=t want to $e accuse# of $eing too sensitive again' An# how woul# %ee even
notice anything li0e that anyway@ 8he ha# a lousy attitu#e an# har#ly ever s&o0e to &eo&le' 8he
staye# in that $e# until the last moment an# rushe# out of the house fogge#4u& an# grum&y, an# she
was use# to $eing stare# at/$y men at least/$ecause of her $o#y'
9orraine thought a$out these things as she came u& the $loc0 from wor0, carrying a large &a&er
$ag' %he grou& of women on her stoo& &arte# silently an# let her &ass'
(>oo# evening,) she sai#, as she clim$e# the ste&s'
8o&hie was stan#ing on the to& ste& an# trie# to &ee0 into the $ag' (Bou $een sho&&ing, huh@
What ya $uy@) 3t was almost an accusation'
(>roceries') 9orraine shiel#e# the to& of the $ag from view an# s;uee<e# &ast her with a
confuse# frown' 8he saw 8o&hie throw a 0nowing glance to the others at the $ottom of the stoo&'
What was wrong with this ol# woman@ Was she cra<y or something@
,0 9orraine went into her a&artment' %heresa was sitting $y the win#ow, rea#ing a co&y of
Maemoiselle' 8he glance# u& from her maga<ine' (Di# you get my chocolate chi& coo0ies@)
(Why goo# evening to you, too, %ee' An# how was my #ay@ Hust won#erful') 8he sat the $ag
#own on the couch' (%he little *a2ter $oy $rought in a &u&&y for show4an#4tell, an# the #amn thing
&isse# all over the floor an# then &rocee#e# to chew the heel off my shoe, $ut, yes, 3 manage# to
ho$$le to the store an# $ring you your chocolate chi& coo0ies')
1h, Hesus, %heresa thought, she=s got a $ug u& her ass tonight'
(Well, you shoul# s&ea0 to Crs' *a2ter' 8he ought to train her 0i# $etter than that') 8he #i#n=t
wait for 9orraine to sto& laughing $efore she trie# to stretch her goo# moo#' (5ere, 3=ll &ut those
things away' Want me to ma0e #inner so you can rest@ 3 only wor0e# half a #ay, an# the most tragic
thing that went #own was a $ro0en fingernail an# that got caught in my ty&ewriter')
9orraine followe# %heresa into the 0itchen' (No, 3=m not really tire#, an# fair=s fair, you coo0e#
last night' 3 #i#n=t mean to tic0 off li0e that6 it=s :ust that ' ' ' well, %ee, have you notice# that &eo&le
aren=t as nice as they use# to $e@)
,? %heresa stiffene#' 1h, >o#, here she goes again' (What &eo&le, 9orraine@ Nice in what way@)
(Well, the &eo&le in this $uil#ing an# on the street' No one har#ly s&ea0s anymore' 3 mean, 3=ll
come in an# say goo# evening/an# :ust silence' 3t wasn=t li0e that when we first move# in' 3 #on=t
0now, it :ust ma0es you won#er6 that=s all' What are they thin0ing@)
(3 &ersonally #on=t give a shit what they=re thin0ing' An# their goo# evenings #on=t &ut any
$rea# on my ta$le')
(Beah, $ut you #i#n=t see the way that woman loo0e# at me out there' %hey must feel something
or 0now something' %hey &ro$a$ly/)
(%hey, they, theyD) %heresa e2&lo#e#' (Bou 0now, 3=m not starting u& with this again, 9orraine'
Who in the hell are they@ An# where in the hell are we@ 9iving in some #um& of a $uil#ing in this
>o#4forsa0en &art of town aroun# a $unch of ignorant niggers with the cotton still un#er their
fingernails $ecause of you an# your theys' %hey 0new something in 9in#en 5ills, so 3 gave u& an
a&artment for you that 3=# $een in for the last four years' An# then they 0new in +ar0 5eights, an#
you ma#e me so misera$le there we ha# to leave' Now these mysterious theys are on *rewster +lace'
Well, loo0 out that win#ow, 0i#' %here=s a $ig wall #own that $loc0, an# this is the en# of the line for
me' 3=m not moving anymore, so if that=s what you=re wor0ing yourself u& to/save itD)
!0 When %heresa $ecame angry she was li0e a lum& of smol#ering coal, an# her fierce $ursts of
tem&er always unsettle# 9orraine'
(Bou see, that=s why 3 #i#n=t want to mention it') 9orraine $egan to &ull at her fingers nervously'
(Bou=re always flying u& an# :um&ing to conclusions/ no one sai# anything a$out moving' An# 3
#i#n=t 0now your life has $een so misera$le since you met me' 3=m sorry a$out that,) she finishe#
tearfully'
%heresa loo0e# at 9orraine, stan#ing in the 0itchen #oor li0e a wilte# leaf, an# she wante# to
throw something at her' Why #i#n=t she ever fight $ac0@ %he very softness that ha# first attracte# her
to 9orraine was now a fre;uent cause for irritation' 8mo0e# honey' %hat=s what 9orraine ha#
remin#e# her of, sitting in her office clutching that a&&lication' Dry autumn #ays in >eorgia woo#s,
thic0 $loate# smo0e un#er a $eehive, an# the first glim&se of am$er honey :ust faintly #ar0ene# a$out
the e#ges $y the $urning twigs' 8he ha# flowe# :ust that heavily into %heresa=s min# an# ha# stuc0
there with a &ersistent sweetness'
*ut %heresa ha#n=t 0nown then that this softness fille# 9orraine u& to the very mi##le an# that
she woul# $en# at the slightest &ressure, woul# $e constantly see0ing to surroun# herself with the
comfort of everyone=s goo#will, an# woul# shrivel u& at the least touch of #isa&&roval' 3t was
$ecoming a #rain to $e continually calle# u&on for this nurturing an# su&&ort that she :ust #i#n=t
un#erstan#' 8he ha# su&&lie# it at first out of love for 9orraine, ho&ing that she woul# har#en
eventually, even as honey #oes when e2&ose# to the col#' %heresa was growing tire# of $eing clung to
/of $eing the one who was leane# on' 8he #i#n=t want a chil#/she wante# someone who coul#
stan# toe to toe with her an# $e willing to slug it out at times' 3f they &ractice# that way with each
other, then they coul# turn $ac0 to $ac0 an# $eat the hell out of the worl# for trying to inva#e their
territory' *ut she ha# foun# no such s&arring &artner in 9orraine, an# the strain of fighting alone was
$eginning to show on her'
(Well, if it was that misera$le, 3 woul# have $een gone a long time ago,) she sai#, watching her
wor#s refresh 9orraine li0e a gentle shower'
!? (3 guess you thin0 3=m some sort of sic0 &aranoi#, $ut 3 can=t affor# to have &eo&le calling my :o$
or writing letters to my &rinci&al' Bou 0now 3=ve alrea#y lost a &osition li0e that in Detroit' An#
teaching is my whole life, %ee')
(3 0now,) she sighe#, not really 0nowing at all' %here was no #anger of that ever ha&&ening on
*rewster +lace' 9orraine taught too far from this neigh$orhoo# for anyone here to recogni<e her in
that school' No, it wasn=t her :o$ she feare# losing this time, $ut their a&&roval' 8he wante# to stan#
out there an# chat an# tra#e ma0eu& secrets an# ca0e reci&es' 8he wante# to $e secretary of their
$loc0 association an# $e as0e# to min# their 0i#s while they ran to the store' An# none of that was
going to ha&&en if they coul#n=t even $ring themselves to acce&t her goo# evenings'
%heresa silently finishe# un&ac0ing the groceries' (Why #i# you $uy cottage cheese@ Who eats
that stuff@)
(Well, 3 thought we shoul# go on a #iet')
(3f we go on a #iet, then you=ll #isa&&ear' Bou=ve got nothing to lose $ut your hair')
G0 (1h, 3 #on=t 0now' 3 thought that we might want to try an# re#uce our hi&s or something')
9orraine shrugge# &layfully'
(No, than0 you' We are very ha&&y with our hi&s the way they are,) %heresa sai#, as she shove#
the cottage cheese to the $ac0 of the refrigerator' (An# even when 3 lose weight, it never comes off
there' Cy chest an# arms :ust get smaller, an# 3 start loo0ing li0e a $ottle of sala# #ressing')
%he two women laughe#, an# %heresa sat #own to watch 9orraine fi2 #inner' (Bou 0now, this
$ehin# has always $een my #ownfall' When 3 was coming u& in >eorgia with my gran#mother, the
$oys use# to &romise me &enny can#y if 3 woul# let them &at my $ehin#' An# 3 use# to love those
:aw$rea0ers/you 0now, the 0in# that laste# all #ay an# 0e&t changing colors in your mouth' 8o 3
was gla# to o$lige them, $ecause in one afternoon 3 coul# collect a whole wee0=s worth of
:aw$rea0ers')
(Eeally' %hat=s funny to you@ 5aving some $oy feeling all over you')
%heresa suc0e# her teeth' (We were only 0i#s, 9orraine' Bou 0now, you remin# me of my
gran#mother' %hat was one straight4lace# ol# la#y' 8he ha# a fit when my $rother tol# her what 3 was
#oing' 8he calle# me into the smo0ehouse an# tol# me in this real scary whis&er that 3 coul# get
&regnant from letting little $oys &at my $utt an# that 3=# en# u& li0e my cousin Willa' *ut Willa an# 3
ha# $een thic0 as fleas, an# she ha# alrea#y given me a ste&4$y4ste& summary of how she=# gotten
into her &re#icament' *ut 3 snea0e# aroun# to her house that night :ust to #ou$le4chec0 her story,
since that ol# la#y ha# seeme# so earnest' NWilla, are you sure@= 3 whis&ere# through her $e#room
win#ow' N3=m tellin= ya, %ee,= she sai#' NHust 0ee& $oth feet on the groun# an# you home free'= Cuch
later 3 learne# that a#vice wasn=t too $iologically soun#, $ut it wor0e# in >eorgia $ecause those
country $oys #i#n=t have much imagination')
G? %heresa=s laughter $ounce# off of 9orraine=s silent, rigi# $ac0 an# #ie# in her throat' 8he angrily
tore o&en a &ac0 of the chocolate chi& coo0ies' (Beah,) she sai#, staring at 9orraine=s $ac0 an# $iting
#own har# into the coo0ie, (it wasn=t until 3 came u& north to college that 3 foun# out there=s a whole
lot of things that a #u#e with a little imagination can #o to you even with $oth feet on the groun#'
Bou see, Willa forgot to tell me not to $en# over or s;uat or/)
(Cust youD) 9orraine turne# aroun# from the stove with her teeth clenche# tightly together'
(Cust 3 what, 9orraine@ Cust 3 tal0 a$out things that are as much a &art of life as eating or
$reathing or growing ol#@ Why are you always so u&tight a$out se2 or men@)
(3=m not u&tight a$out anything' 3 :ust thin0 it=s #isgusting when you go on an# on a$out/)
(%here=s nothing #isgusting a$out it, 9orraine' Bou=ve never $een with a man, $ut 3=ve $een with
;uite a few/some $etter than others' %here were a cou&le who 3 still ho&e to this #ay will #ie a slow,
&ainful #eath, $ut then there were some who were goo# to me/in an# out of $e#')
?0 (3f they were so great, then why are you with me@) 9orraine=s li&s were trem$ling'
(*ecause/) %heresa loo0e# stea#ily into her eyes an# then #own at the coo0ie she was twirling
on the ta$le' (*ecause,) she continue# slowly, (you can ta0e a chocolate chi& coo0ie an# &ut holes in
it an# attach it to your ears an# call it an earring, or hang it aroun# your nec0 on a silver chain an#
&reten# it=s a nec0lace/$ut it=s still a coo0ie' 8ee/you can toss it in the air an# call it a Fris$ee or
even a flying saucer, if the moo# hits you, an# it=s still :ust a coo0ie' 8en# it s&inning on a ta$le/li0e
this/until it=s a won#erful $lur of am$er an# $rown light that you can imagine to $e a to&a< or
ruste# gol# or ol# crystal, $ut the law of gravity has got to come into &lay, sometime, an# it=s got to
come to rest/sometime' %hen all the s&inning an# &reten#ing an# hoo&la is over with' An# you
0now what you got@)
(A chocolate chi& coo0ie,) 9orraine sai#'
(Fh4huh') %heresa &ut the coo0ie in her mouth an# win0e#' (A les$ian') 8he got u& from the
ta$le' (Call me when #inner=s rea#y, 3=m going $ac0 to rea#') 8he sto&&e# at the 0itchen #oor' (Now,
why are you &utting gravy on that chic0en, 9orraine@ Bou 0now it=s fattening')
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 4%he first sentence says, (At first they seeme# li0e such nice girls') What #o we 0now a$out the
&erson who says it@ What #oes it tell us (an# im&ly" a$out the (nice girls)@
,' 4What is 8o&hie=s role in the story@
!' 43n the secon# &art of the story, who is the narrator@ Does she or he 0now %heresa=s thoughts, or
9orraine=s, or $oth@
G' 45ow #oes the story en#@ What #o you thin0 will ha&&en $etween 9orraine an# %heresa@
?' 4%ry writing a &age or less that is the en of a story a$out two &eo&le (men, women, chil#ren/
$ut "eo"le" whose relationshi& is going to en# soon, or is going to survive, $ecause of, or #es&ite, its
#ifficulties'
DIANA CHANG
@iana 1$an!, au#$or o& several novels an books o& "oems, #eac$es crea#ive wri#in! a# *arnar 1olle!e'
S$e ien#i&ies $ersel& as an American wri#er w$ose back!roun is mos#ly 1$inese'
The Oriental Contin'ent [19"9]
Connie coul#n=t remem$er whose &arty it was, whose house' 8he ha# an im&ression of 0erosene
lam&s on $rown wic0er ta$les, of sha&es tal0ing in #oorways' 3t was summer, almost the only time
Connie has run into her since, too, an# someone was saying, (Bou must 0now 9isa Callory')
(3 #on=t thin0 so')
(8he=s here' Bou must 0now her')
9ater in the evening, it was someone else who intro#uce# her to a figure &erche# on the
$alustra#e of the ste&s lea#ing to the lawn where more sha&es mille#' 3n stretching out a han# to
sha0e Connie=s, the figure almost fell off si#eways' Connie ha# &ushe# her $ac0 u&right onto her
&erch an#, &eering, too0 in the fact that 9isa Callory ha# a Chinese face' For a long instant, she felt
non&lusse#, an# was ren#ere# s&eechless'
? *ut 9isa Callory was filling the silence' (Well, now, Connie 8ung,) she sai#, not enthusiastically
$ut with a 0in# of so&histicate# interest, (3=m not in music myself, $ut +aul Wu=s my cousin' >uilt $y
associationD) 8he laughe#' (No4tone music, 3 call his' 5e stu#ie# with Hohn Cage, Varese, an# so
forth')
8ur&rise# that 9isa 0new she was a violinist, Connie murmure# something frien#ly, won#ering if
she shoul# sim&ly as0 outright, (3=m sure 3 shoul# 0now, $ut what #o you #o@) $ut she hesitate#,
ta0ing in her a&&earance instea#, while 9isa went on with, (3t=s worl# class com&osing' Nothing=s
wrong with the level' *ut it=s har# going for the layman, $elieve me')
9isa Callory wore a one4of4a40in# 0imono #ress, $ut it #i#n=t ma0e her loo0 Ha&anese at all, an#
her hair was #rawn $ac0 tightly in a $rai# which stoo# out from close to the to& of her hea#
hori<ontally' Bou coul# &ro$a$ly lift her off her feet $y gras&ing it, li0e the han#le of a &ot'
(Bou shoul# give a concert here, Connie,) she sai#, using her first name right away, Connie
notice#, li0e any American' (9ots of culturati aroun#') Aven when she wasn=t actually s&ea0ing, she
&ursue# her own line of thought actively an# seeme# to fin# herself mil#ly amusing'
(3=m new to the area,) Connie sai#, #e&recatingly' (3=ve :ust $een a wee0en# guest, actually, till a
month ago'
10 (3t=s easy to $e &art of it' Nothing to it' 3 shoul# 0now' Bou=ll see')
(3 wish it weren=t so #ar0,) Connie foun# herself saying, waving her han# in front of her eyes as
if the night were a veil to $rush asi#e' 8he recogni<e# in herself that intense nee# to see, to see into
fellow 1rientals, to fathom them' 8o far, 9isa Callory ha# not given her enough clues, an# the
#ar0ness itself seeme# to $e interfering'
9isa #ro&&e# off her &erch' (3t=s im&ortant to $e true to oneself,) she sai#' (7ee& the mo#ern
stuff out of your re&ertory' *e romantic' Don=t loo0 li0e thatD Bou=re $est at the romantics' Anyhow,
ta0e it from me' 3 0now' An# + li0e what 3 li0e')
Eelease# $y her outs&o0enness, Connie laughe# an# as0e#, (3=m sure 3 shoul# 0now, $ut what is
it that you #o@) 8he was certain 9isa woul# say something li0e, (3=m with a &u$lic relations firm')
(3=m in city services')
*ut she re&lie#, (What #o all Chinese e2cel at@) Not as if she=# as0e# a rhetorical ;uestion, she
waite#, then answere# herself' (Well, aren=t we all &hysicists, musicians, architects, or in software@)
1? At that &oint a voice $ro0e in, followe# $y a large $o#y which &ut his arms aroun# $oth women,
(%he 1riental contingentD 3=ve got to $rea0 this u&')
%urning, 9isa 0isse# him roun#ly, an# sai# over her shoul#er to Connie, (3=ll ta0e him away
$efore he tells us we loo0 ali0eD)
%hey melte# into the ste&s $elow, an# Connie, feeling &ut off $alance an# somehow slow4witte#,
was left to thin0 over her new ac;uaintance'
(5ello, 9isa Callory,) Connie 8ung always sai# on the infre;uent occasions when they ran into
one another' 8he always sai# (5ello, 9isa Callory,) with a shyness she #i# not un#erstan# in herself'
3t was strange, $ut they ha# no mutual frien#s e2ce&t for +aul Wu, an# Connie ha# not seen him in
ages' Connie ha# no one of whom to as0 her ;uestions' *ut sometime soon, she=# $e tol# 9isa=s
mai#en name' 8ometime she=# sim&ly call her 9isa' 8ometime what 9isa #i# with her life woul# $e
answere#'
%hree, four years &asse#, with their running into one another at rece&tions an# o&enings, an#
still 9isa Callory remaine# an enigma' Cil#ly amuse# herself, Connie won#ere# if other &eo&le, as
well, foun# her inscruta$le' *ut none of her American frien#s (though, of course, 9isa an# she were
Americans, too, she ha# to remin# herself", none of the Caucasian frien#s seeme# curious a$out
$ac0groun#s' 3n their acce&ting way, they #i# not won#er a$out 9isa=s $ac0groun#, or a$out Connie=s
or +aul Wu=s' +erha&s they assume# they were all cut from the same cloth' *ut to Connie, the
1rientals she met were unrea# $oo0s, $oo0s she never ha# the right occasion or time to fully &ursue'
,0 8he #i#n=t even see the humor in her situation/it was such an issue with her' %he fact was she
felt less, much less, sure of herself when she was with real Chinese'
As she was reali<ing this, the truth su##enly #awne# on her' 9isa Callory never referre# to her
own $ac0groun# $ecause it was more Chinese than Connie=s, an# therefore a higher or#er' 8he was
tact incarnate' All along, she ha# $een going out of her way not to em$arrass Connie' Bes, yes' 5er
assurance was #efinitely u&&ercrust (&erha&s her father ha# $een in the #i&lomatic service", an# her
offhan# #i#acticness, her lac0 of self4#ou$t, was in#ee# characteristically Chinese4Chinese' Connie
was not only im&resse# $y these traits, $ut also &ut on the #efensive $ecause of them'
Connie let out a sigh/a sigh that follows the solution to a nagging &ro$lem ' ' ' 9isa=s
mysteriousness' *ut now Connie 0new only too clearly that her own $ac0groun# ma#e her #eci#e#ly
inferior' 5er father was a secon#4generation gynecologist who s&o0e har#ly any Chinese' Bes,
inferior an# totally without recourse'
1f course, at one of the gatherings, Connie met *ill Callory, too' 5e was sim&ly American,
may$e Catholic, &ossi$ly la&se#' 8he was not &ut off $alance $y him at all' *ut most of the time he
was away on $usiness, an# 9isa cro&&e# u& at functions as single as Connie'
%hen one #ay, 9isa ha# a man in tow/wiry an# tall, he loo0e# Chinese from the 8hantung area,
or &erha&s from *ei:ing, an# his style# hair ma#e him a&&ear vaguely artistic'
,? (Connie,) 3=# li0e you to meet Aric 9i' 5e got out at the $eginning of the A#en#e, went to
*er0eley, an# is assimilating a mile4a4minute,) 9isa sai#, with her usual irony' (*ill foun# him an# is
grooming him, though he came with his own charisma')
Aric wave# her remar0 asi#e' (9isa has misse# her calling' 8he was $orn to $e in +E,) he sai#,
with an accent'
(3s that what she #oes@) Connie &ut in at once, loo0ing only at him' (3s that her &rofession@)
(Bou #on=t 0now@) he as0e#, with sur&rise'
%hough she was greeting someone else, 9isa turne# an# answere#, (3=m a fa$rics tycoon, 3 thin0
3 can say without immo#esty') 8he move# away an# continue# her conversation with the other frien#'
!0 *ehin# his han#, he sai#, &layfully, as though letting Connie in on a secret, (Factories in
5ong0ong an# %ai&ei, an# now he=s/*ill, that is/is e2&loring them on the mainlan#')
(With her fa$ulous contacts over thereD) Connie e2claime#, now seeing it all' (1f course, what a
won#erful $usiness com$ination they must ma0e')
Aric was a$out to utter something, $ut sto&&e#, an# sai# flatly, (3 have all the mainlan# contacts,
even though 3 was only twenty when 3 left, $ut my &arents ' ' ')
(5ow interesting,) Connie murmure# lamely' (3 see,) &reoccu&ie# as she was with trying to &ut
two an# two together'
9isa was $ac0 an# sai# without an intro#uction, continuing her line of thought, (Bou two loo0
goo# together, if 3 have to say so myself' Why #on=t you as0 him to one of your concerts@ An# you,
Aric, you=re in America now, so #on=t stan# on ceremony, or you=ll $e out in left fiel#') 8he wal0e#
away with someone for another #rin0'
!? 9oo0ing uncomforta$le, $ut recovering himself with a smile, Aric sai#, (9isa ma0es me feel more
Chinese than 3 am $ecoming/it is her #irectness, 3 sus&ect' 3n China, we=# say she is too much li0e a
man')
At which Connie foun# herself saying, (8he ma0es me feel less Chinese')
(9essD)
(9ess Chinese than she is')
(%hat is not &ossi$le,) Aric sai#, with a sha#e of contem&t/for whom@ 9isa or Connie@ 5e
$arely su&&resse# a laugh, col# as Chinese laughter coul# $e'
G0 Connie $lurte# out, (3=m a faile# Chinese' Bes, an# it=s to you that 3 nee# to say it') 8he &ause#
an# re&eate# em&hatically, (3 am a faile# Chinese') 5er hear was $eating ;uic0er, $ut she was gla# to
have got that out, a confession an# a #efinition that might $egin to free her' (Do you 0now you ma0e
me feel that, too@ Bou=ve $een here only a$out ten years, right@)
(Eight, an# 3=m thirty4one')
(Bou 0now what 3 thin0@ 3 thin0 it=s har#er for a Chinese to #o two things')
At that moment, an American move# in closer, loo0ing &lease# somehow to $e with them'
8he continue#, (3t=s har#er for us to $ecome American than, say, for a >erman, an# it=s also
har#er not to remain resi#ually Chinese, even if you are thir# generation')
G? Aric sai# $lan#ly, (Don=t ta0e yourself so seriously' Bou can=t hel& $eing an American &ro#uct'
%rying to $e comforting, the American inter:ecte# with, (%he young la#y is not a &ro#uct, an
o$:ect' 8he is a human $eing, an# there is no #ifference among &eo&les that 3 can see')
(3 :u#ge myself $oth as a Chinese an# as an American,) Connie sai#'
(Bou worry too much,) Aric sai#, im&atiently' %hen he loo0e# aroun# an# though she wasn=t in
sight, he lowere# his voice' (8he is what she is' 3 0now what she is' *ut she avoi#s going to
5ong0ong' 8he avoi#s it')
Connie felt turne# aroun#' (Avoi#s it@)
?0 (*ill=s in *ei:ing right now' 8he=s here' 5ow come@)
(3 #on=t 0now,) Connie re&lie#, as though an answer ha# $een re;uire# of her'
(8he ma0es u& many e2cuses, reasons' As0 her' As0 her yourself,) he sai#, &ointe#ly'
(1h, 3 coul#n=t #o that' *y the way, 3=m going on a concert tour ne2t year in three cities/
8hanghai, *ei:ing an# Nan0ing,) Connie sai#' (3t=ll $e my first time in China')
(EeallyD Bou must $e very talente# to $e touring at your age,) he sai#, genuinely intereste# for
the first time' *ecause she was going to China, or $ecause she now came across as an over4achiever,
even though Chinese American@
?? (3=m :ust a$out your age,) she sai#, reali<ing then that may$e 9isa Callory ha# left them alone
&ur&osely'
(Bou coul# $oth &ass as teenagersD) the American e2claime#'
%wo months later, she ran into 9isa again' As usual, 9isa $egan in the mi##le of her own
thought' (Di# he call@)
(Who@ 1h' No, no')
(Well, it=s true he=s $een in China the last three wee0s with *ill' %hey=ll $e $ac0 this wee0en#')
-0 Connie saw her o&&ortunity' (Are you &lanning to go to China yourself@)
For the first time, 9isa seeme# at a loss for wor#s' 8he raise# her shoul#ers, then let them #ro&'
%oo airily, she sai#, (Bou 0now, there=s always +aris' 3 can=t $ear not to go to +aris, if 3=m to ta0e a
tri&')
(*ut you=re Chinese' Bou $ave $een to China, you came from China originally, #i#n=t you@)
(3 coul# go to +aris twice a year, 3 love it so,) 9isa sai#' (An# then there=s 9on#on, Florence,
Venice')
(*ut/$ut your $usiness contacts@)
-? (My contacts@ *ill, he=s the $usinessman who ma0es the contacts' Always has' 3 ta0e care of the
New Bor0 office, which is a consi#era$le :o$' We have a staff of eighty4five')
Connie sai#, (3 tol# Aric 3=ll $e giving a tour in China' 3=m ta0ing Chinese lessons right now')
9isa Callory laughe#, (8ave your time' %hey=ll still $e #is#ainful over there' 8ee, #$ey #on=t
care,) an# she wave# her han# at the crow#' (8ome of them have $een $orn in *uffalo, tooD 3t=s the
Chinese you can=t fool' %hey 0now you=re not the genuine article/you an# 3')
5er face was su##enly heightene# in color, an# she was $reathing as if rea#y to flee from
something' (Bes, you hear# right' 3 was $orn in *uffalo')
(Bou wereD) Connie e2claime# $efore she coul# control her ama<ement'
.0 (Well, what a$out you@) 9isa retorte#' 8he was actually sha0ing an# trying to hi#e it $y ma0ing
su##en gestures'
(Westchester')
(*ut your &arents at least were Chinese')
(Well, so were, so are, yoursD)
(3 was a#o&te# $y Americans' Cy full name is 9isa Warren Callory')
.? 3ncre#ulous, Connie sai#, (3=m more Chinese than youD)
(Who isn=t@) 8he laughe#, unha&&ily' (5aving Chinese &arents ma0es all the #ifference' We=re
worl#s a&art')
(An# all the time 3 thought ' ' ' never min# what 3 thought')
(Bou have it over me' 3t=s written all over you' 3 coul# tell even in the #ar0 that night')
(1h, 9isa,) Connie sai# to comfort her, (none of this matters to any$o#y e2ce&t us' Eeally an#
truly' %hey=re too $usy with their own &ro$lems')
J0 (%he only time 3 feel Chinese is when 3=m em$arrasse#' 3=m not more Chinese/which is a
totally Chinese refle2 3=# give anything to $e ri# ofD)
(3 0now what you mean')
(An# as for Aric loo0ing #own his nose at me, he=s 0noc0ing himself out to $e so American, bu#
as a secure 1$ineseB What=s so genuine a$out that article@)
*oth of them struc0 their hea#s laughing, $ut their eyes were not merry'
(8ay it again,) Connie as0e# of her, (say it again that my $eing more Chinese is written all over
me')
J? (Consi#er it sai#,) 9isa sai#' (Cy natural mother ha&&ene# to $e there at the time/3 can=t hel&
$eing $orn in *uffalo')
(3 0now, 3 0now,) Connie sai# with feeling' (3f only you ha# ha# some say in the matter')
(3t=s only 1rientals who haunt meD) 9isa stam&e# her foot' (1nly themD)
(3=m so sorry,) Connie 8ung sai#, for all of them' (3t=s all so turne# aroun#')
(8o 3=m ma#e in America, so thereD) 9isa Callory #eclare#, ma0ing a sniffing soun#, an#
seeme# to $e recovering her sangfroi#'
0 Connie felt tire#/as if she=# travele#/$ut a lot ha# $een settle# on the way'
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 43n the first &aragra&h, a &erson (whose name we #on=t 0now" says, (Bou must 0now 9isa
Callory') Why #oes she ma0e that assum&tion@
,' 4During their first meeting Connie thin0s (she recogni<e# in herself that intense nee# to see, to
see into fellow 1rientals, to fathom them) an# she waves (her han# in front of her eyes') Does she
0now what she is loo0ing for@
!' 4What #oes Aric #o in the story@ What is his function@ An# what a$out (the American)
(&aragra&h G!"@
G' 43n &aragra&h JJ we rea#, (N3=m so sorry,= Connie 8ung sai#, for all of them' N3t=s all so turne#
aroun#'=) What #oes the writer mean $y (for all of them)@ An# what #oes Connie mean $y (3t=s all
so turne# aroun#)@
KATHERINE MIN
Ca#$erine Min $as "ublis$e s#ories in several ma!a-ines no#able &or #$eir excellen# &ic#ion, incluin!
7ri4Duar#erly an Plou!$s$ares' S$e $as receive !ran#s &rom #$e Na#ional 3nowmen# &or #$e Ar#s an
&rom #$e New Eam"s$ire S#a#e Ar#s 1ouncil, an s$e $as &our #imes been a &ellow a# #$e Mac@owell
1olony'
Courtin' a Mon( [1996]
When 3 first saw my hus$an# he was sitting cross4legge# un#er a tree on the ;ua#, his hair as short as
&each fu<<, large $lue eyes staring u&war#, the smile on his face so wi#e an# un#irecte# as to seem
moronic' 3 went flying $y him every minute or two, guar#ing man4to4man, or chasing #own a &ass,
an# out of the corner of my eye 3 woul# see him watching an# smiling' What 3 notice# a$out him
most was his tremen#ous ca&acity for stillness' 5is han#s were li0e still4life o$:ects resting on his
0nees6 his &osture was im&ecca$le' 5e loo0e# so roote# there, li0e some cheerful, e2otic mushroom,
that 3 $egan to feel aw0war# in my e2ertion' 8weat funnele# into the valley of my $ac0, cooling an#
stic0ing when 3 sto&&e#, han#s on 0nees, to regain my $reath' 3 trie# to sto& my ga&e4mouthe#
&anting, refashione# my &ony4tail, an# wi&e# my han#s on the soft front of my sweat&ants'
5e was still there two &lays later when my team was #own $y one' 8ully stole a &ass an# fli&&e#
to >raham' >raham threw me a long $om$ that saile# wi#e an# 3 lea&t for it, sailing with the Fris$ee
for a moment in a &arallel line/floating, flying, reaching/$efore coming #own wha&D against the
groun#' 3 groane#' 3=# ta0en a tree root in the solar &le2us' %he win# was 0noc0e# out of me' 3 lay
there, the taste of #ry leaves in my mouth'
(8orry, >ina' 9ousy &ass,) >raham sai#, coming over' (Bou 1'7@)
(Fine,) 3 gas&e#, fingering my ri$s' (Hust let me sit out for a while')
? 3 sat #own in the leaves, $reathing carefully as 3 watche# them &lay' %he #ay was growing #ar0
an# the Fris$ee was har# to see' Averyone was tire# an# &laye# in a slo&&y rhythm of errant throws
an# #ro&&e# &asses'
*esi#e me on the grass cre&t the guy from un#er the tree' 3 ha# forgotten a$out him' 5e crouche#
shyly ne2t to me, leaves crac0ing un#er his feet, an#, when 3 loo0e# u&, he whis&ere#, (Bou were
magnificent,) an# wal0e# away smiling'
3 s&otte# him the ne2t #ay in the vegetarian #ining hall' 3 was &assing through with my &late of
veal cor#on $leu when 3 saw him sitting $y himself ne2t to the win#ow' 5e too0 a &air of woo#en
cho&stic0s out of the $reast &oc0et of his shirt an# &o0e# halfhearte#ly at his tofu an# wilte# mung
$eans' 3 sat #own across from him an# #eman#e# his life story'
3t turne# out he wante# to $e a mon0' Not the Chaucerian 0in#, $al#4&ate# an# stout, with a
hoo#e# ro$e, ri$al# humor an# &enchant for wine' 8omething even more $affling/a *u##hist' 5e
ha# :ust returne# from a semester in Ne&al, stu#ying in a monastery in the 5imalayas' 5is hair was
coming $ac0 in soft s&i0es across his hea# an# he ha# a watchful manner/not cautious $ut rece&tive,
waiting'
5e was from 7ing of +russia, off the +hila#el&hia Cain 9ine, an# this ma#e me mistrust the
#e&th of his $eliefs' 3 have #iscovere# that a fascination for the Aast is often a &relu#e to a &ass, a
romantic overture set in motion $y an (3 thin0 1riental girls are so $eautiful,) an# a vise4li0e gri& on
the u&&er thigh' *ut Cicah was #ifferent' 5e un#erstoo# 3 was not im&resse# $y his $elief, an# he #i#
not aim to im&ress'
10 (Cy father was raise# *u##hist,) 3 tol# him' (*ut he=s a scientist now')
(1h,) sai# Cicah' (8o, he=s not s&iritual')
(8&irit=s insu$stantial,) 3 sai#' (5e #oesn=t hol# with intangi$ility')
(Well, you can=t hol# atoms in your han#,) Cicah &ointe# out'
(Ah,) 3 sai#, smiling, (*ut you can count them')
O O O
1? 3 tol# Cicah my father was a man of science, an# this was true' 5e was a man, also, of silence' Fnli0e
Cicah, whose reticence seeme# calming, so un#istur$e#, li0e a &ool of light on still water, my
father=s silence was li0e the li# on a &ot, sealing off some steaming, inner &ressure'
Wor#s were not my father=s me#ium' (9anguage,) my father li0e# to say, (is an im&recise
instrument') (For though he sai# little, when he hit u&on a &hrase he li0e#, he sai# it many times'" 5e
was fon# of >ree0 letters an# numerals set together in intricate e;uations, sym$oli<ing a certain
&hysical law or e2&erimental hy&othesis' 5e fille# yellow legal &a#s in a strong vertical han#, writing
these $eauties #own in $lac0, in#eli$le felt4ti& &en' 3 thin0 it was a source of tremen#ous irritation to
him that he coul# not communicate with other &eo&le in so or#ere# a fashion, that he coul# not
sim&ly #raw an e;uals sign after something he=# sai#, have them solve for x or y'
%hat my father=s Anglish was not fluent was only &art of it' 5e was not a garrulous man, even in
7orean, among visiting relatives, or alone with my mother' An# with me, his only chil#/who coul#
s&ea0 neither of his &referre# languages, 7orean or science/my father ha# cons&icuously little to
say' (+ic0 u& this mess,) he woul# tell me, returning from wor0 in the evening' (5omewor0
finishe#@) he woul# in;uire, raising an eye$row over his rice $owl as 3 e2cuse# myself to go watch
television'
5e limite# himself to the im&erative moo#, the realm of in:unction an# comman#6 the 0in#s of
statements that re;uire# no answer, that left no o&ening for #iscussion or re:oin#er' %hese
communications were my father=s ver$al e;uivalent to his neat numerical e;uations' %hey were
hermetically seale#'
When 3 went away to college, my father=s &arting wor#s constitute# one of the longest s&eeches
3=# hear# him ma0e' 8urroun#e# $y station wagons &ac0e# with suitcases, crates of $oo0s an# stu#y
lam&s, ami# the e2cite# chattering an# calling out of stu#ents, among the a#ults with their nervous
&arental surveillance of the scene, my father leane# aw0war#ly forwar# with his han#s in his &oc0ets,
loo0ing at me intently' 5e sai#, (8tu#y har#' >o to $e# early: Do not goof off' An# #o not let the
American $oys ta0e a#vantages')
,0 %his was the same cam&us my father ha# set foot on twenty years $efore, when he was a young
veteran of the 7orean War, with fifty #ollars in his &oc0et an# a$out that many wor#s of Anglish'
8tories of his college years constitute# family legen# an#, growing u&, 3 ha# hear# them so often they
were as vivi# an# #ream4li0e as my own memories' Cy father in the #orm $athroom over Christmas,
vainly trying to har#4$oil an egg in a soc0 $y running it un#er hot water6 his trium&h in the &hysics
la$ where his a$ility with the new language #i# not im&e#e him, an# where his maturity an# 0een
scientific min# garnere# him highest mar0s an# the to& &hysics &ri<e in his senior year/these were
events 3 felt 3=# witnesse#, li0e some o$scure, envious ghost'
3n the sha#ow of my father=s achievements then, on the same cam&us where he ha# first $owe#
his hea# to a microsco&e, lost in a chal04#ust mathematical #ream, 3 &ursue# wor#s' Anglish wor#s' 3
committe# myself to e2&ertise' 3 stu#ie# 8ha0es&eare an# Aliot, 5ar#y an# Conra#, Hoyce an#
9awrence an# 5emingway an# Fit<geral#' 3t was im&ortant to get it right, every wor#, every nuance,
to fill in my father=s immigrant silences, the ga&s he ha# left for me'
1ther ga&s he=# left' 8taying u& late an# stu#ying little, 3 #i# things my father woul# have $een
too shoc0e# to merely #isa&&rove' As for American $oys, 3 hee#e# my father=s a#vice an# #i# not let
them ta0e a#vantage' 3nstea# 3 too0 a#vantage of them, of their &ro2imity, their goo# loo0s, an# the
amia$le way they woul# fall into $e# with you if you gave them the slightest encouragement' 3 li0e#
the way they move# in &rou# &ossession of their $o#ies, the rough feel of their unshaven chee0s, their
shoul#ers an# smooth, hairless chests, the curve of their $ac0s li0e $urnishe# woo#' 3 li0e# the way 3
coul# loo0 u& at them, or #own, feeling their shu##ering clima2 li0e a #istant earth;ua0e6 3 coul#
ma0e it ha&&en, moving in un#ulant circles from a$ove or $elow, watching them, hol#ing them,
ma0ing them ha&&y' 3 collecte# $oys li0e $au$les, li0e o$:ects not &articularly value#, which you
stash away in the $ac0 of some #rawer' 3t was the &leasant interchangea$ility of their $o#ies 3 li0e#'
%hey were all white $oys'
Cicah refuse# to have se2 with me' 3t $ecame a matter of intellectual #isagreement with us' (8e2
sa&s the will,) he sai#'
(Not necessarily,) 3 argue#' (Hust reroutes it')
,? (%here are higher forms of union,) he sai#'
(Not with your clothes off,) 3 re&lie#'
(>ina,) he sai#, loo0ing at me with 0in#ness, a concern that ma#e me flush with anger' (What
nee# #o you have that se2 must fill@)
(Fuc0 you, Cicah,) 3 sai#' (*e a mon0, not a &sychologist')
5e laughe#' 5is laughter was always a sur&rise to me, li0e a small #istur$ance to the universe' 3
wante# to se#uce him, this was true' 3 consi#ere# Cicah the only real challenge among an easy fiel#'
*ut more than se#uction, 3 wante# to rattle him, to get un#er that sense of &eace, that inwar#
contentment' No one my age, 3 reasone#, ha# the right to such self4&ossession'
!0 We went for wal0s in the $ir# sanctuary, rustling along the &aths slowly #iscussing Amily
Dic0inson or ma&le syru&4ma0ing, $ut always 3 $rought the su$:ect aroun#'
(What a waste of life,) 3 sai# once' (8uch in#ulgence' All that mon0ly #evotion an# ;uest for
inner &eace' *ig #eal' 3t=s selfish' Not only is it selfish, it=s a co&4out' An esca&e from this worl# an#
its messes')
Cicah listene#, a narrow smile on his li&s, sha0ing his hea# regretfully' (Bou=re so won#erfully
&assionate, >ina, so alive an# in the worl#' 3 can=t ma0e you see' Cay$e it is a co&4out as you say, $ut
*u##hism ma0es no #istinction $etween the worl# outsi#e or the worl# within the monastery' An#
historically, mon0s have $een in the mi##le of &olitical &rotest an# &ersecution' 9oo0 at %i$et')
(3 was thin0ing a$out, ahem, something more $asic,) 3 sai#'
Cicah laughe#' (1f course,) he sai#' (Bou #on=t seem to un#erstan#, >ina, *u##hism is all
a$out the renunciation of #esire')
!? 3 sniffe#' (What=s wrong with #esire@ Without #esire, you might as well not $e alive')
%he truth was that 3 was fascinate# $y this i#ea, the renunciation of #esire' Cy life was fuele# $y
longing, $y vast an# clamorous #esires6 a striving towar# things 3 #i# not have an#, &erha&s, ha# no
ho&e of having' 3 coul# vaguely imagine an en#, some &oint &ast #esiring, of satiety, $ut 3 coul# not
fathom the laying #own of #esire, wal0ing away in full a&&etite'
(%he #esire to renounce #esire,) 3 sai# now, (is still #esire, isn=t it@)
Cicah sun0 his han#s into his &oc0ets an# smile#' (3t=s not,) he sai#, wal0ing ahea# of me' (3t=s
a conscious choice')
We came to a &on#, sun4#a&&le# in a clearing, $or#ere# $y white $irch an# ma&les with the
$right leaves of mi#4autumn' A fluttering of leaves $lew from the trees, lan#ing on the water as
gently as if they=# $een &lace#' %he color of the &on# was a #ee& canvas green6 glints of light sna&&e#
li0e s&ar0s a$ove the surface' %here was the lyric coo of a mourning #ove, the chitter4chitter of late4
season insects' Cicah=s ca&acity for a&&reciation was vast' Whether this ha# anything to #o with
*u##hism, 3 #i#n=t 0now, $ut watching him stan# on the e#ge of the &on#, his hea# thrown $ac0, his
eyes eagerly ta0ing in the light, 3 felt his &eace an# also his sense of won#er' 5e stoo# motionless for
a long time'
G0 3 &ulle# at ferns, weave# their narrow leaves in irregular sam&lers, $rai#e# ten#rils together,
while Cicah sat on a large roc0 an#, ta0ing his cho&stic0s from his $reast &oc0et, $egan to ta& them
lightly against one another in a solemn rhythm'
(Avery morning in the monastery,) he sai#, (we wo0e to the &rayer #rum' Four o=cloc0 an# the
s0y woul# $e #ar0 an# you=# hear the hollow woo#en soun#/&loc0, &loc0, &loc0/summoning you
to me#itation') 5e smile# #reamily' %he cho&stic0s ma#e a somewhat less effectual soun#, a sort of ta
ta ta' 3 imagine# sunrise across a 5imalayan valley/the wis&s of &in04tinge# clou# on a col# s&ring
morning, the austerity of a mon0=s cham$er'
Cicah ha# his eyes close#, face to the sun' 5e continue# to ta& the cho&stic0s together slowly' 5e
loo0e# singular an# new, sitting on that roc0, li0e an a#vance scout for some new tri$e, with his crest
of hair an# calm, an# the attentiveness of his $o#y to his surroun#ings'
3 thin0 it was then 3 fell in love with him, or, it was in that moment that my longing for him
$ecame so great that it was no longer a matter of sim&le gratification' 3 nee#e# his res&onse' 3
un#erstoo# what #esire was then, the #istur$ance of a &erfect moment in antici&ation of another'
(Wa0e4u& call,) 3 sai#' 3 &eele# off my turtlenec0 an# sweater in one clever motion an# tosse#
them at Cicah=s feet' Cicah o&ene# his eyes' 3 &ulle# my &ants off an# my un#erwear an# stoo#
na0e#' (+loc0, &loc0, who=s there@)
G? Cicah #i# not turn away' 5e loo0e# at me, his cho&stic0s &oise# in the air' 5e raise# one towar#
me an# hel# it, as though he were an artist with a &aint$rush raise# for a &ro&ortion, or a con#uctor
rea#y to lea# an orchestra' 5e hel# the cho&stic0 sus&en#e# in the s&ace $etween us, an# it was as
though 3 coul#n=t move for as long as he hel# it' 5is eyes were fathomless $lue' Cy ni&&les
constricte# with the col#' Aroun# us leaves fell in shimmering lights to the water, ma0ing a soft
rustling soun# li0e the ru$ of stiff fa$ric' 5e $rought his han# #own an# 3 was release#' 3 turne# an#
lea&t into the water'
A few nights later 3 $ought a $ottle of chea& wine an# goa#e# Cicah into #rin0ing it with me'
We starte# out on the ste&s of the li$rary after it ha# close# for the night, ta0ing slo&&y swigs from a
$rown &a&er $ag' %he lights of the 5olyo0e range $lin0e# in the #istance, across the velvet $lac0 of
the freshman ;ua#' From there we wan#ere# the cam&us, s&rawling on the tennis courts, $racing a
stiff win# from the terrace of the science center, se#ately rolling #own Cemorial 5ill li0e a &air of
tum$lewee#s'
(H=a 0now what a 0oan is@) he as0e# me, when we were &erche# at the to& of the $leachers
$ehin# home &late' We unstea#ily contem&late# the stee& #ro& off the $ac0 si#e'
(Bou mean li0e ice cream@) 3 sai#'
(No, a 0o4an' 3n *u##hism')
?0 (No&e')
(3t=s a ;uestion that has no answer, sort of li0e a ri##le' Bou 0now, li0e NWhat is the soun# of
one han# cla&&ing@= 1r NWhat was your face $efore you were $orn@=)
(NWhat was my face $efore it was $orn@= %hat ma0es no sense')
(A2actly' Bou=re su&&ose# to contem&late the 0oan until you achieve a greater awareness')
(1f what@)
?? (1f life, of meaning')
(1h, 1'7',) 3 sai#, (3=ve got it') 3 was facing $ac0war#s, the $ag with the $ottle in $oth my
han#s' (5ow =$out, NWhat=s the soun# of one chee0 farting@=)
5e laughe# for a long time, then retche# off the si#e of the $leachers' 3 got him home an# &ut
him to $e#6 his forehea# was feverish, his eyes glassy with sic0ness'
(8orry,) 3 sai#' (3=m a $a# influence') 3 0isse# him' 5is li&s were hot an# slac0'
(Don=t min#,) he murmure#, half4aslee&'
-0 %he ne2t night we sle&t in the same $e# together for the first time' 5e 0e&t his un#erwear on an#
his han#s &resse# firmly to his si#es, li0e >an#hi among his young virgins' 3 was #etermine# to ma0e
it #ifficult for him' 3 0e&t $rushing my na0e# $o#y against him, #ra&ing a leg across his waist,
stro0ing his narrow chest with my fingerti&s' 5e wiggle# an# &ushe# away, feigning slee&' When 3
wo0e in the morning, he was gone an# the Oe #o Foy was $lasting from my stereo'
>raham sai# he misse# me' We=# sle&t together a few times $efore 3 met Cicah, en:oying the
warm, healthful feeling we got from running or &laying Fltimate, ta0ing a ;uic0 sauna an# falling
into $e#' 5e was goo#4loo0ing, #ar0 an# $roa#, with sinewy arms an# a tight chest' 5e ma#e love to
a woman li0e he was lifting Nautilus, all grim &ur&ose an# timing' 3t was har# to $elieve that ha#
ever $een a&&ealing' 3 tol# him 3 was seeing someone else'
(Not the guy with the crew cut@) he sai#' (%he one who loo0s li0e a $a$y seal@)
3 shrugge#'
>raham loo0e# at me s0e&tically' (5e #oesn=t seem li0e your ty&e,) he sai#'
-? (No,) 3 agree#' (*ut at least he=s not yours')
Ceanwhile 3 ste&&e# u& my attac0' 3 as0e# en#less ;uestions a$out *u##hist teaching' Cicah
tal0e# a$out ukk$aG1 the four no$le truths6 the five aggregates of attachment6 the no$le eightfol#
&ath to enlightenment' 3 listene# #utifully, willing to ac0nowle#ge that it all soun#e# nice, that the
goal of &erfect awareness an# &eace seeme# worth attaining' While he tal0e#, 3 stretche# my feet out
until my toes touche# his thigh6 3 sli# my han# along his $ac06 or leane# way over so he coul# see
#own my loose, $arely4$uttone# $louse'
(%oo $a# you aren=t %antric,) 3 sai#' 3=# $een #oing research'
Cicah scoffe#' (5ollywoo# *u##hism,) he sai#' (5eavy $reathing an# theatrics')
(%hey $elieve in &hysical #esire,) 3 sai#' (%hey have se2')
.0 (*u##ha $elieves in &hysical #esire,) Cicah sai#' (3t=s im&ermanent, that=s all' 8omething to get
$eyon#')
(%o get $eyon# it,) 3 sai# &etulantly, (you have to #o it')
Cicah sighe#' (>ina,) he sai#, (you are $eautiful, $ut 3 can=t' %here are a lot of guys who will')
(A lot of them #o')
5e smile# a $it sa#ly' (Well, then ' ' ')
.? 3 leane# #own to un#o his shoelaces' 3 tie# them together in #ou$le 0nots' (*ut 3 want you,) 3
sai#'
Cy &arents live# thirty miles from cam&us an# my mother fre;uently as0e# me to come home for
#inner' 3 went only once that year, an# that was with Cicah' Cy &arents were not the 0in# of &eo&le
who en:oye# the com&any of strangers' %hey were insular &eo&le who #i# not li0e to sociali<e much
or go out/or anyway, my father was that way, an# my mother accommo#ate# herself to his
&references'
Cy mother ha# set the ta$le in the #ining room with $lue linen' %here were crystal wine glasses
an# silver utensils in floral &atterns' 8he ha# ma#e some #ry $a0e# chic0en with overcoo0e# &eas an#
carrots/the meal she reserve# for when Americans came to #inner' When it came to 7orean
coo0ing, my mother was a master' 8he ma#e fa$ulous marinate# short ri$s an# sautMe# trans&arent
$ean noo#les with vegeta$les an# $eef, &or0 #um&lings an# $atter4frie# shrim&, an# cucum$er an#
turni& 0imchis, which she ma#e herself an# fermente# in $rown earthenware :ars' *ut American
cuisine elu#e# her6 it $ore# her' 3 thin0 she thought it was meant to $e tasteless'
(Hust ma0e 7orean,) 3 ha# urge# her on the &hone' (5e=ll li0e that')
Cy mother was s0e&tical' (%oo s&icy,) she sai#' (3 0now what Americans li0e')
J0 (Not the chic0en #ish,) 3 &lea#e#' (5e=s a vegetarian')
(We=ll see,) sai# my mother, conce#ing nothing'
Cicah stare# #own at his &late' Cy mother smile# serenely' Cicah no##e#' 5e ate a for0ful of
vegeta$les, too0 a $ite of $rea#' 5is A#am=s a&&le seeme# to $e #oing a lot of wor0' Cy father, too,
was $usy chewing, his A#am=s a&&le moving u& an# #own his throat li0e the ratchets of a tire :ac0'
No one ha# sai# a thing since my father ha# uncor0e# the Char#onnay an# rea# to us the #escri&tion
from his well4crease# &a&er$ac0 e#ition of 7$e New 9ork 7imes :uie #o (ine'
%he soun# of silverware scra&ing on ceramic &lates seeme# am&lifie#' 3 was aware of my own
&rolonge# chewing' Cy father cleare# his throat' Cy mother loo0e# at him e2&ectantly' 5e coughe#'
(Cicah stu#ie# *u##hism in Ne&al,) 3 offere# into the silence'
J? (1hD) my mother e2claime#' 8he giggle#'
Cy father 0e&t eating' 5e swallowe# e2aggerate#ly an# loo0e# u&' (%hat so@) he sai#, soun#ing
almost intereste#'
Cicah no##e#' (3 was only there four months,) he sai#, (>ina tells me you were $rought u&
*u##hist')
Cy father grunte#' (Well, of course,) he sai#, (in 7orea in those #ays, our families were all
*u##hist' 3 #o not consi#er myself a *u##hist now')
Cicah an# 3 e2change# a loo0'
0 (3t=s $ecome ;uite fashiona$le, 3 un#erstan#,) my father went on' (With you American college
0i#s' *u##hism has $ecome fa#')
3 saw Cicah wince'
(3 thin0 it is won#erful, 5i Hoon,) my mother interce#e#, (for Americans to learn a$out Asian
religion an# &hiloso&hy' 3 was a &hiloso&hy ma:or in college, Cicah' 3 stu#ie# Whitehea#,! American
&ragmatism')
Cy father leane# $ac0 in his chair an# watche#, frowning, while my mother an# Cicah tal0e#' 3t
was li0e he was trying to analy<e Cicah, not as a &sychiatrist analy<es/my father hel# a #im view of
&sychology/$ut as a chemist woul#, $rea0ing him #own to his $asic elements, the sim&le chemical
formula that woul# #efine his ma0eu&'
Cicah was tal0ing a$out the aggregates of matter, sensation, &erce&tion, mental formations, an#
consciousness that com&rise $eing in *u##hist teaching' (3t=s a #ifferent sense of self than in
Christian religions,) he e2&laine#, loo0ing at my mother'
? (Nonsense,) my father interru&te#' (%here is no self in *u##hist #octrine' ' ' ')
Cy mother an# 3 watche# hel&lessly as they launche# into #iscussion' 3 was sur&rise# that my
father seeme# to 0now so much a$out it, an# $y how much he was carrying forth' 3 was sur&rise# also
$y Cicah=s #eference' 5e seeme# to have lost all his sureness, the walls of his conviction' 5e 0e&t
no##ing an# conce#ing to my father certain &oints that he ha# rigorously #efen#e# to me $efore' (3
guess 3 #on=t 0now as much a$out it,) he sai# more than once, an# (Bes, 3 see what you mean)
several times, with a sic0ening air of humility'
3 turne# from my father=s glinting, &itiless intelligence, to Cicah=s res&ectfulness, his timi#
manner, an# felt a rising irritation 3 coul# not &lace, anger at my father=s $elligerence, at Cicah=s
$ac0ing #own, at my own strange motives for having $rought them together' 5a# 3 really e2&ecte#
them to get along@ An# yet, my father was concentrating on Cicah with such an intensity/almost as
though he were a rival/in a way in which he never focuse# on me'
When the #ialogue la&se#, an# after we ha# consume# as much of the foo# as we #eeme# &olite,
my mother too0 the #ishes away an# $rought in a $owl of rice with 0imchi for my father' Cicah=s
eyes lit u&' (Cay 3 have some of that, too, Crs' 7im@)
Cy mother loo0e# #ou$tful' (%oo s&icy,) she sai#'
100 (1h, 3 love s&icy foo#,) Cicah assure# her' Cy mother went to get him a $owl'
(Bou can use cho&stic0s@) my mother sai#, as Cicah $egan eating with them'
(Com, it=s no $ig #eal,) 3 sai#'
Cy father loo0e# u& from his $owl' %ogether, my &arents watche# while Cicah ate a large &iece
of ca$$age 0imchi'
(5ahD) my father sai#, su##enly smiling, (>ina #oesn=t li0e 0imchi,) he sai#' 5e loo0e# at me'
(>ina') he sai#, (%his $oy more 7orean than you')
10? (Doesn=t ta0e much,) 3 sai#'
Cy father ignore# me' (>ina always want to $e American,) he tol# Cicah' (8ince she was little
girl, she want $lue eyes, yellow hair') 5e sta$$e# a cho&stic0 towar# Cicah=s face' (9i0e yours')
(3f 3 ha# hair,) sai# Cicah, grinning, ru$$ing a han# across his hea#'
Cy father stare# into his $owl' (8he #oesn=t want to $e 7orean girl' 8he thin0s she can $e 100
&ercent American, $ut she cannot' 8he has 7orean $loo#/100 &ercent' Doesn=t matter where you
grow u&/$loo# is most im&ortant' What is in the $loo#') 5e gave Cicah a severe loo0' (Bou thin0
you can $ecome *u##hist' 8ame way' *ut it is not in your $loo#' Bou cannot 0now real *u##ha=s
teaching' Bou shoul# stu#y *i$le')
(>o#, Da#D) 3 sai#' (Bou soun# li0e a Na<iD)
110 (>inaD) my mother warne#'
(Bou=re em$arrassing me,) 3 sai#' (*eing ru#e to my guest' Discussing me as if 3 wasn=t here'
Bou can say what you want, Da#, 3=m American whether you li0e it or not' *loo#=s got nothing to #o
with it' 3t=s what=s u& here') 3 ta&&e# my finger to my tem&le'
(3t=s not Na<i,) my father sai#' (3s factD What you have here,) he &ointe# to his forehea#, (is all
from $loo#, from genetics' Bou got from meD)
(5eaven hel& me,) 3 sai#'
(>inaD) my mother im&lore#'
11? (Cr' 7im/) Cicah $egan'
(Bou :ust li0e American girl in one thing,) my father shoute#' (Bou have no res&ect for father'
3n 7orea, #aughters #o not tal0 $ac0 to their &arents, is $ig shameD)
(3n 7orea, girls are su&&ose# to $e su$missive #oormats for fathers to wi&e their feet onD) 3
shoute# $ac0'
(What #o you 0now a$out 7orea@ Bou went there only once when you were si2 years ol#')
(3t=s in my $loo#,) 3 sai#' 3 stoo# u&' (3=m not going to stay here for this' Come on, Cicah')
1,0 Cicah loo0e# at me uncertainly, then turne# to my father'
Cy father was eating again, slowly levering rice to his mouth with his cho&stic0s' 5e &ause#'
(8he was always this way,) he sai#, seeming to a##ress the ta$le' (8o angry' Aven as a little girl')
(Cr' 7im,) Cicah sai#, (Fm, than0 you very much' We=re ' ' ' 3 thin0 we=re hea#ing out now')
Cy father chewe# ruminatively' (3 shoul# never have left 7orea,) he sai# ;uietly, with utter
conviction'
(>ina,) my mother sai#' (8it #own' 5i Hoon, &leaseD)
1,? (Cicah,) 3 sai#' (Bou coming@)
We left my father alone at the #ining4room ta$le'
(3 shoul# have sent you to live with Auntie 8ooD) he calle# after me'
Cy mother followe# us out to the #riveway with a %u&&erware container of chic0en Cicah
ha#n=t eaten'
1n the way home we sto&&e# for ice cream' 7oans, 3 tol# Cicah' (What is the soun# of 8wiss
chocolate almon# melting@) 3 as0e# him' (What was the vanilla $efore it was $orn@)
1!0 3nsi#e the ice4cream &arlor the light was too strong, a tic0ing fluorescence $leaching everything
$one4white' Cicah leane# #own to survey the car#$oar# $arrels of ice cream in their &lastic cases' 5e
loo0e# shrun0en, su$#ue#' 5e or#ere# a scoo& of mint chocolate chi& an# one of $lac0 cherry on a
sugar cone an# ate it with the long, regretful lic0s of a chil# who=# s&ent the last nic0el of his
allowance' %here was a ruefulness to his movements, a sense of a&ology' 5e ha# lost his mon04li0e
stillness an# seeme# su##enly a#rift'
%he col# of the ice cream gave me a hea#ache, all the $loo# vessels in my tem&les seeme# strung
out an# tight' 3 shivere# an# the col# was li0e fury, s&rea#ing through me with the chill'
Cicah ru$$e# my $ac0'
(Bou=re har# on your father,) he sai#' (5e=s not a $a# guy')
(Forget it,) 3 sai#' (9et=s go')
1!? We wal0e# from the #orm &ar0ing lot in silence' %here were lights going on across the ;ua# an#
music s&illing from the win#ows out into the cool air' What few stars there were seeme# too #istant to
wage a constant light'
*ac0 in my room, 3 &ut on the Eolling 8tones at full $last' Cic0 Hagger=s voice was taunting an#
cruel' 3 turne# out the lights an# lit a re# can#le'
(1'7', this is going to sto&,) 3 sai#' 3 felt myself trem$ling' 3 &ushe# Cicah $ac0 on the $e#' 3
was furious' 5e ha# ruine# it for me, the lightness, the s0imming ;uality of my life' 3t ha# seeme#
easy, with the $oys, the gli$ wor#s an# feelings, the sim&le heat an# surface &leasures' 3t was li0e the
sensation of flying, lea&ing for the Fris$ee an# sailing through the air' For a moment you lose a
feeling for gravity, for the consciousness of your own s0in or s&ecies' For a moment you are free'
3 starte# to #ance, fast, swinging an# swaying in front of the $e#' 3 close# my eyes an# twirle#
wil#ly, $ouncing off the walls li0e a &in$all, stum$ling on my own stoc0ings' 3 #ance# so har# the
stereo s0i&&e#, Hagger force# to stutter in throaty monosylla$les, gul&ing re&etitions' 3 whirle# an#
circle#, threw my hea# from si#e to si#e until 3 coul# feel the $affle# $loo#, $rought my hair u& off
my nec0 an# hel# it with $oth han#s'
Cicah watche# me #ance' 5is $o#y ma#e an inverte#48 u&on my $e#, his hea# &ro&&e# $y the
&illar of his own arm' %he e2&ression on his face was the same as he=# ha# tal0ing with my father,
that loo0 of #eference, of fawn4eye# yiel#ing' *ut 3 coul# see there was something hi##en'
1G0 With white40nuc0le# fingers, 3 un#i# the $uttons of my sweater an# ri&&e# my shirt lifting it off
my hea#' 3 #ance# out of my s0irt an# un#erthings, 0ic0ing them into the corner, #ance# until the
song was over, until 3 was soa0e# with sweat an# $urning/an# then 3 :um&e# him'
3t was li0e the taste of foo# after a #ay=s starvation/une2&ecte#ly strong an# su$stantial' Cicah
res&on#e# to my fury, met it with his own mysterious &assion6 it was li0e a $rawl, a fight, with
something at sta0e that neither of us wante# to lose' Afterwar# we sat u& in $e# an# listene# to Oe
#o Foy while Cicah, who ha# a sur&lus su&&ly of cho&stic0s lying aroun# the room, #i# his 9eonar#
*ernstein im&ersonation' 9ater, we went out for a late4night snac0 to All48tar Dairy an# Cicah
a#mitte# to me that he was in love'
O O O
Cy father refuse# to atten# the we##ing' 5e li0e# Cicah, $ut he #i# not want me to marry a
Caucasian' 3t $ecame a :o0e 3 woul# tell &eo&le' 7orean custom, 3 sai#, to give the $ri#e away four
months $efore the ceremony'
Cicah $ecame a high4school $iology teacher' 3 am an associate #ean of stu#ents at the local
college' We have two chil#ren' When Cicah tells the story of our courtshi&, he tells it with great self4
#e&recation an# humor' 5e ma0es it soun# as though he were cra<y to ever consi#er $ecoming a
mon0' (%hin0 of it,) he tells our 0i#s' (Bour #a#')
9ately 3=ve ta0en to rea#ing $oo0s a$out *u##hism' 8i##hartha >otama was thirty4five years ol#
when he sat un#er the *o#hi4tree on the $an0 of the river Neran:ara an# gaine# Anlightenment'
8ometimes, when 3 see my hus$an# loo0ing at me across the $rea0fast ta$le, or wal0ing towar# me
from the other si#e of the room, 3 catch a loo0 of #istress on his face, a $lin0ing confusion, as though
he cannot remem$er who 3 am' 3 have ha&&ene# on him a few times, on a 8un#ay when he has
#isa&&eare# from the house, sitting on a $ench with the news&a&er in his la& staring across the town
common, so immerse# in his thoughts that he is not rouse# $y my calling of his name'
1G? 3 remem$er the first time 3 saw him, the tremen#ous stillness he carrie#, the contentment in his
face' 3 remem$er how he loo0e# on the roc0s $y that &on#, li0e a &ioneer in a new lan#, an# 3 won#er
if he regrets, as 3 #o, the loss of his im&lausi$le faith' Does he miss the soun# of the &rayer #rum, the
call to an inner life without the configuration of #esire@ 3 thin0 of my father, running a soc0 un#er
heate# water thousan#s of miles from home, as yet unaware of the #aughter he will raise with the
same ho&eful, #etermine#, an# ultimately futile, effort' 3 remem$er the way 3 use# to &lay aroun# with
0oans, an# 3 won#er, (What is the soun# of a life not live#@)
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 45alfway through the story, in &aragra&h G!, the narrator says, (3 thin0 it was then 3 fell in love
with him'''') Why #oes she fall in love with Cicah at this moment@ An# how #oes she #escri$e the
feeling of love@
,' 4When we return to the $eginning of the story/first, the Fris$ee game, an#, secon#, the scene at
the #ining hall/what signs #o we see of the 0in# of relationshi& that will #evelo& $etween the
narrator an# Cicah@ What #o we learn a$out each of these &ersons an# a$out what might #raw them
to one another@
!' 4What is your res&onse to the narrator=s father@ Why #o you thin0 that Cin chose to ma0e him a
scientist@ 3s our res&onse to the father meant to $e critical@ 5ighly critical@ 1r, a lot or a little
sym&athetic@
G' 4Do you agree with Cin=s #ecision to inclu#e the $rief scene with the narrator=s former $oyfrien#,
>raham, &aragra&hs -1K-?@ 3s this scene im&ortant for the meaning of the story as a whole, or
woul# you recommen# that it $e omitte#@
?' 4Descri$e what ha&&ens #uring the love4ma0ing scene, $eginning with &aragra&h 1!?' What is
the narrator trying to #o through her #ance, an# why@ What lea#s Cicah at last to res&on# to her@
-' 4Do se2ual scenes in literature ma0e you uncomforta$le@ 3s there a right an# a wrong way, in
your view, to &resent such scenes@
GISH JEN
:is$ Fen, born in 19<< in 9onkers, New 9ork, an #$e au!$#er o& 1$inese immi!ran#s, was name
Lillian Fen by $er "aren#s' S$e islike #$e name Lillian, an $er sc$ool &riens crea#e a new name &or
$er, erive &rom #$e name o& a &amous ac#ress o& #$e silen# screen)Lillian :is$' Fen !raua#e &rom
Earvar an #$en, in accorance wi#$ $er "aren#s, wis$es, wen# #o S#an&or *usiness Sc$ool ;M'*'A',
198=>' 7$en, &ollowin! $er own wis$es, Fen wen# #o #$e .niversi#y o& +owa, w$ere in 198H s$e earne an
M'2'A' in #$e wri#in! "ro!ram' S$e $as "ublis$e #$ree novels an a book o& s$or# s#ories, ($o,s +ris$8
(e re"rin# #$e #i#le s#ory'
)ho*s Irish+ [199"]
3n China, &eo&le say mi2e# chil#ren are su&&ose# to $e smart, an# #efinitely my gran##aughter
8o&hie is smart' *ut 8o&hie is wil#, 8o&hie is not li0e my #aughter Natalie, or li0e me' 3 am wor0
har# my whole life, an# fierce $esi#es' Cy hus$an# always use# to say he is afrai# of me, an# in our
restaurant, $us$oys an# coo0s all afrai# of me too' Aven the gang mem$ers come for &rotection
money, they try to tal0 to my hus$an#' When 3 am there, they stay away' 3f they come $y mista0e,
they &reten# they are come to eat' %hey hi#e $ehin# the menu, they or#er a lot of foo#' %hey tal0
a$out their mothers' 1h, my mother have some arthritis, nee# to ta0e her$al me#icine, they say' 1h,
my mother getting ol#, her hair all white now'
3 say, Bour mother=s hair use# to $e white, $ut since she #ye it, it $ecome $lac0 again' Why #on=t
you go home once in a while an# ta0e a loo0@ 3 tell them, Confucius1 say a filial son 0nows what
color his mother=s hair is'
Cy #aughter is fierce too, she is vice &resi#ent in the $an0 now' 5er new house is $ig enough for
every$o#y to have their own room, inclu#ing me' *ut 8o&hie ta0e after Natalie=s hus$an#=s family,
their name is 8hea' 3rish' 3 always thought 3rish &eo&le are li0e Chinese &eo&le, wor0 so har# on the
railroa#, $ut now 3 0now why the Chinese $eat the 3rish' 1f course, not all 3rish are li0e the 8hea
family, of course not' Cy #aughter tell me 3 shoul# not say 3rish this, 3rish that'
5ow #o you li0e it when &eo&le say the Chinese this, the Chinese that, she say'
? Bou 0now, the *ritish call the 3rish heathen, :ust li0e they call the Chinese, she say'
Bou thin0 the 1&ium War, was $a#, how woul# you li0e to live right ne2t #oor to the *ritish,
she say'
An# that is that' Cy #aughter have a funny ha$it when she win an argument, she ta0e a si& of
something an# loo0 away, so the other &erson is not em$arrasse#' 8o 3 am not em$arrasse#' 3 #o not
call any$o#y anything either' 3 :ust ha&&en to mention a$out the 8hea family, an interesting fact: four
$rothers in the family, an# not one of them wor0' %he mother, *ess, have a :o$ $efore she got sic0,
she was e2ecutive secretary in a $ig com&any' 8he is han#le everything for a $ig shot, you woul# $e
sur&rise# how com&licate# her :o$ is, not :ust ty&e this, ty&e that' Now she is a nice woman with a
clean house' *ut her $oys, every one of them is on welfare, or so4calle# severance &ay, or so4calle#
#isa$ility &ay' 8omething' %hey say they cannot fin# wor0, this is not the economy of the fifties, $ut 3
say, Aven the $lac0 &eo&le #oing $etter these #ays, some of them live so fancy, you=# $e sur&rise#'
Why the 8hea family have so much trou$le@ %hey are white &eo&le, they s&ea0 Anglish' When 3 come
to this country, 3 have no money an# #o not s&ea0 Anglish' *ut my hus$an# an# 3 own our restaurant
$efore he #ie' Free an# clear, no mortgage' 1f course, 3 un#erstan# 3 am :ust luc0y, come from a
country where the foo# is &o&ular all over the worl#' 3 un#erstan# it is not the 8hea family=s fault they
come from a country where everything is $oile#' 8till, 3 say'
8he=s right, we shoul# $roa#en our hori<ons, say one $rother, Him, at %han0sgiving' Forget a$out
the car $usiness' %hin0 a$out egg rolls'
+a# thai, say another $rother, Ci0e' 3=m going to ma0e my fortune in &a# thai' 3t=s going to $e
the new &i<<a'
10 3 say, Bou &eo&le too &ic0y a$out what you sell' 8elling egg rolls not goo# enough for you, $ut at
least my hus$an# an# 3 can say, We ma#e it' What can you say@ %ell me' What can you say@
Avery$o#y chew their tough tur0ey'
3 es&ecially cannot un#erstan# my #aughter=s hus$an# Hohn, who has no :o$ $ut cannot ta0e care
of 8o&hie either' *ecause he is a man, he say, an# that=s the en# of the sentence'
+lain $oile# foo#, &lain $oile# thin0ing' Aven his name is &lain $oile#: Hohn' Cay$e $ecause 3
grew u& with $lac0 $ean sauce an# hoisin sauce an# garlic sauce, 3 always feel something is missing
when my son4in4law tal0'
*ut, o0ay: so my son4in4law can $e man, 3 am $a$y4sitter' 8i2 hours a #ay, same as the ol# sitter,
cra<y Amy, who ;uit' %his is not so easy, now that 3 am si2ty4eight, Chinese age almost seventy' 8till,
3 try' 3n China, #aughter ta0e care of mother' 5ere it is the other way aroun#' Cother hel& #aughter,
mother as0, Anything else 3 can #o@ 1therwise #aughter com&lain mother is not su&&ortive' 3 tell
#aughter, We #o not have this wor# in Chinese, su""or#ive' *ut my #aughter too $usy to listen, she
has to go to meeting, she has to write memo while her hus$an# go to the gym to $e a man' Cy
#aughter say otherwise he will $e #e&resse#' 8eems li0e all his life he has this trou$le, #e&ression'
1? No one wants to hire someone who is #e&resse#, she say' 3t is im&ortant for him to 0ee& his
s&irits u&'
*eautiful wife, $eautiful #aughter, $eautiful house, oven can clean itself automatically' No money
left over, $ecause only one income, $ut luc0y enough, got the $a$y4sitter for free' 3f Hohn live# in
China, he woul# $e very ha&&y' *ut he is not ha&&y' Aven at the gym things go wrong' 1ne #ay, he
&ull a muscle' Another #ay, weight room too crow#e#' Always something'
Fntil finally, hooray, he has a :o$' %hen he feel &ressure'
3 nee# to concentrate, he say' 3 nee# to focus'
5e is going to wor0 for insurance com&any' 8alesman :o$' A &aychec0, he say, an# at least he
will wear clothes instea# of gym shorts' Cy #aughter $uy him some s&ecial can#y $ars from the
health4foo# store' %hey say %53N7D on them, an# are su&&ose# to hel& Hohn thin0'
,0 Hohn is a goo#4loo0ing $oy, you have to say that, es&ecially now that he shave so you can see his
face'
3 am an ol# man in a young man=s game, say Hohn'
3 will nee# a new suit, say Hohn'
%his time 3 am not going to shoot myself in the foot, say Hohn'
>oo#, 3 say'
,? 8he means to $e su&&ortive, my #aughter say' Don=t start the sen# her $ac0 to China thing,
$ecause we can=t'
8o&hie is three years ol# American age, $ut alrea#y 3 see her nice Chinese si#e swallowe# u& $y her
wil# 8hea si#e' 8he loo0s li0e mostly Chinese' *eautiful $lac0 hair, $eautiful $lac0 eyes' Nose &erfect
si<e, not so flat loo0s li0e something fell #own, not so large loo0s li0e some $ig #eal got stuc0 in
wrong face' Averything :ust right, only her s0in is a $rown sur&rise to Hohn=s family' 8o $rown, they
say' Aven Hohn say it' 8he never goes in the sun, still she is that color, he say' *rown' %hey say,
Nothing the matter with $rown' %hey are :ust sur&rise#' 8o $rown' Nattie is not that $rown, they say'
%hey say, 3t seems li0e 8o&hie shoul# $e a color in $etween Nattie an# Hohn' 8eems funny, a girl
name# 8o&hie 8hea $e $rown' *ut she is $rown, may$e her name shoul# $e 8o&hie *rown' 8he never
go in the sun, still she is that color, they say' Nothing the matter with $rown' %hey are :ust sur&rise#'
%he 8hea family tal0 is li0e this sometimes, going aroun# an# aroun# li0e a Christmas4tree train'
Cay$e Hohn is not her father, 3 say one #ay, to sto& the train' An# sure enough, train wrec0'
None of the $rothers ever say the wor# brown to me again'
3nstea#, Hohn=s mother, *ess, say, 3 ho&e you are not offen#e#'
!0 8he say, 3 #i# my $est on those $oys' *ut raising four $oys with no father is no &icnic'
Bou have a $eautiful family, 3 say'
3=m getting ol#, she say'
Bou #eserve a rest, 3 say' %oo many $oys ma0e you ol#'
3 never ha# a #aughter, she say' Bou have a #aughter'
!? 3 have a #aughter, 3 say' Chinese &eo&le #on=t thin0 a #aughter is so great, $ut you=re right' 3
have a #aughter'
3 was never against the marriage, you 0now, she say' 3 never thought Hohn was marrying #own' 3
always thought Nattie was :ust as goo# as white'
3 was never against the marriage either, 3 say' 3 :ust won#er if they loo0 at the whole &ro$lem'
1f course you &ointe# out the &ro$lem, you are a mother, she say' An# now we $oth have a
gran##aughter' A little $rown gran##aughter, she is so &recious to me'
3 laugh' A little $rown gran##aughter, 3 say' %o tell you the truth, 3 #on=t 0now how she came out
so $rown'
G0 We laugh some more' %hese #ays *ess nee# a wal0er to wal0' 8he ta0e so many &ills, she nee#
two glasses of water to get them all #own' 5er favorite %V show is a$out $loo&ers, an# she love her
$ir# fee#er' All #ay long, she can watch that $ir# fee#er, li0e a cat'
3 can=t wait for her to grow u&, *ess say' 3 coul# use some female com&any'
%oo many $oys, 3 say'
*oys are fine, she say' *ut they #o surroun# you after a while'
Bou shoul# ta0e a $rea0, come live with us, 3 say' 9ots of girls at our house'
G? *e careful what you offer, say *ess with a win0' Where 3 come from, &eo&le mean for you to
move in when they say a thing li0e that'
Nothing the matter with 8o&hie=s outsi#e, that=s the truth' 3t is insi#e that she is li0e not any Chinese
girl 3 ever see' We go to the &ar0, an# this is what she #oes' 8he stan# u& in the stroller' 8he ta0e off
all her clothes an# throw them in the fountain'
8o&hieD 3 say' 8to&D
*ut she :ust laugh li0e a cra<y &erson' *efore 3 ta0e over as $a$y4sitter, 8o&hie has that cra<y4
&erson sitter, Amy the guitar &layer' Cy #aughter thought this Amy very creative/another wor# we
#o not tal0 a$out in China' 3n China, we tal0 a$out whether we have #ifficulty or no #ifficulty' We
tal0 a$out whether life is $itter or not $itter' 3n America, all #ay long, &eo&le tal0 a$out creative'
Never min# that 3 cannot even loo0 at this Amy, with her shirt so short that her $elly $utton showing'
%his Amy thin0 8o&hie shoul# love her $o#y' 8o when 8o&hie ta0e off her #ia&er, Amy laugh' When
8o&hie run aroun# na0e#, Amy say she woul#n=t want to wear a #ia&er either' When 8o&hie go s$u4
s$u in her la&, Amy laugh an# say there are no germs in &ee' When 8o&hie ta0e off her shoes, Amy
say $are feet is $est, even the &e#iatrician say so' %hat is why 8o&hie now wal0 aroun# with no shoes
li0e a $eggar chil#' Also why 8o&hie love to ta0e off her clothes'
%urn aroun#D say the $oys in the &ar0' 9et=s see that assD
?0 1f course, 8o&hie #oes not un#erstan#' 8o&hie cla& her han#s, 3 am the only one to say, NoD %his
is not a game'
3t has nothing to #o with Hohn=s family, my #aughter say' Amy was too &ermissive, that=s all'
*ut 3 thin0 if 8o&hie was not wil# insi#e, she woul# not ta0e off her shoes an# clothes to $egin
with'
Bou never ta0e off your clothes when you were little, 3 say' All my Chinese frien#s ha# $a$ies, 3
never saw one of them act wil# li0e that'
9oo0, my #aughter say' 3 have a $ig &resentation tomorrow'
?? Hohn an# my #aughter agree 8o&hie is a &ro$lem, $ut they #on=t 0now what to #o'
Bou s&an0 her, she=ll sto&, 3 say another #ay'
*ut they say, 1h no'
3n America, &arents not su&&ose# to s&an0 the chil#'
3t gives them low self4esteem, my #aughter say' An# that lea#s to &ro$lems later, as 3 ha&&en to
0now'
-0 Cy #aughter never have $ig &resentation the ne2t #ay when the su$:ect of s&an0ing come u&'
3 #on=t want you to touch 8o&hie, she say' No s&an0ing, &erio#'
Don=t tell me what to #o, 3 say'
3=m not telling you what to #o, say my #aughter' 3=m telling you how 3 feel'
3 am not your servant, 3 say' Don=t you #are tal0 to me li0e that'
-? Cy #aughter have another funny ha$it when she lose an argument' 8he s&rea# out all her fingers
an# loo0 at them, as if she li0e to ma0e sure they are still there'
Cy #aughter is fierce li0e me, $ut she an# Hohn thin0 it is $etter to e2&lain to 8o&hie that clothes
are a goo# i#ea' %his is not so har# in the col# weather' 3n the warm weather, it is very har#'
Fse your wor#s, my #aughter say' %hat=s what we tell 8o&hie' 5ow a$out if you set a goo#
e2am&le'
As if goo# e2am&le mean anything to 8o&hie' 3 am so fierce, the gang mem$ers who use# to
come to the restaurant all afrai# of me, $ut 8o&hie is not afrai#'
3 say, 8o&hie, if you ta0e off your clothes, no snac0'
.0 3 say, 8o&hie, if you ta0e off your clothes, no lunch'
3 say, 8o&hie, if you ta0e off your clothes, no &ar0'
+retty soon we are stay home all #ay, an# $y the en# of si2 hours she still #i# not have one thing
to eat' Bou never saw a chil# stu$$orn li0e that'
3=m hungryD she cry when my #aughter come home'
What=s the matter, #oesn=t your gran#mother fee# you@ Cy #aughter laugh'
.? NoD 8o&hie say' 8he #oesn=t fee# me anythingD
Cy #aughter laugh again' 5ere you go, she say'
8he say to Hohn, 8o&hie must $e growing'
>rowing li0e a wee#, 3 say'
8till 8o&hie ta0e off her clothes, until one #ay 3 s&an0 her' Not too har#, $ut she cry an# cry, an#
when 3 tell her if she #oesn=t &ut her clothes $ac0 on 3=ll s&an0 her again, she &ut her clothes $ac0 on'
%hen 3 tell her she is goo# girl, an# give her some foo# to eat' %he ne2t #ay we go to the &ar0 an#,
li0e a nice Chinese girl, she #oes not ta0e off her clothes'
J0 8he sto& ta0ing off her clothes, 3 re&ort' FinallyD
5ow #i# you #o it@ my #aughter as0'
After twenty4eight years e2&erience with you, 3 guess 3 learn something, 3 say'
3t must have $een a &hase, Hohn say, an# his voice is su##enly li0e an e2&ert'
5is voice is li0e an e2&ert a$out everything these #ays, now that he carry a leather $riefcase, an#
wear shiny shoes, an# can go sho&&ing for a new car' 1n the com&any, he say' %he com&any will &ay
for it, $ut he will $e a$le to #rive it whenever he want'
J? A free car, he say' 5ow #o you li0e that'
3t=s goo# to see you in the sa##le again, my #aughter say' 8ome of your family &atterns are scary'
At least 3 #on=t #rin0, he say' 5e say, An# 3=m not the only one with scary family &atterns'
%hat=s for sure, say my #aughter'
Averyone is ha&&y' Aven 3 am ha&&y, $ecause there is more trou$le with 8o&hie, $ut now 3 thin0 3 can
hel& her Chinese si#e fight against her wil# si#e' 3 teach her to eat foo# with for0 or s&oon or
cho&stic0s, she cannot :ust gra$ into the mi##le of a $owl of noo#les' 3 teach her not to &lay with
gar$age cans' 8ometimes 3 s&an0 her, $ut not too often, an# not too har#'
0 8till, there are &ro$lems' 8o&hie li0e to clim$ everything' 3f there is a railing, she is never ne2t to
it' Always she is on to& of it' Also, 8o&hie li0e to hit the mommies of her frien#s' 8he learn this from
her &laygroun# $est frien#, 8in$a#, who is four' 8in$a# wear army clothes every #ay an# li0e to
am$ush his mommy' 5e is the one who #ug a $ig hole un#er the &lay structure, a fo2hole he call it,
all $y himself' Very har#wor0ing' Now he wait in the fo2hole with a shovel full of wet san#' When
his mommy come, he throw it right at her'
1h, it=s all right, his mommy say' Bou can=t get ri# of war games, it=s &art of their imaginative
&lay' All the $oys go through it'
Also, he li0e to 0ic0 his mommy, an# one #ay he tell 8o&hie to 0ic0 his mommy too'
3 wish this story is not true'
7ic0 her, 0ic0 herD 8in$a# say'
? 8o&hie 0ic0 her' A little 0ic0, as if she :ust so ha&&ene# was swinging her little leg an# #i#n=t
reali<e that $ig mommy leg was in the way' 8till 3 s&an0 8o&hie an# ma0e 8o&hie say sorry, an# what
#oes the mommy say@
Eeally, it=s all right, she say' 3t #i#n=t hurt'
After that, 8o&hie learn she can attac0 mommies in the &laygroun#, an# some will say, 8to&, $ut
others will say, 1h, she #i#n=t mean it, es&ecially if they reali<e 8o&hie will $e &unishe#'
%his is how, one #ay, $igger trou$le come' %he $igger trou$le start when 8o&hie hi#e in the fo2hole
with that shovel full of san#' 8he wait, an# when 3 come loo0 for her, she throw it at me' All over my
nice clean clothes'
Di# you ever see a Chinese girl act this way@
100 8o&hieD 3 say' Come out of there, say you=re sorry'
*ut she #oes not come out' 3nstea#, she laugh' Naaah, naah4na, naaa4naaa, she say'
3 am not e2aggerate: millions of chil#ren in China, not one act li0e this'
8o&hieD 3 say' NowD Come out nowD
*ut she 0now she is in $ig trou$le' 8he 0now if she come out, what will ha&&en ne2t' 8o she #oes
not come out' 3 am si2ty4eight, Chinese age almost seventy, how can 3 crawl un#er there to catch her@
3m&ossi$le' 8o 3 yell, yell, yell, an# what ha&&en@ Nothing' A Chinese mother woul# hel&, $ut
American mothers, they loo0 at you, they sha0e their hea#, they go home' An#, of course, a Chinese
chil# woul# give u&, $ut not 8o&hie'
10? 3 hate youD she yell' 3 hate you, CeanieD
Ceanie is my new name these #ays'
9ong time this goes on, long long time' %he fo2hole is #ee&, you cannot see too much, you #on=t
0now where is the $ottom' Bou cannot hear too much either' 3f she #oes not yell, you cannot even
0now she is still there or not' After a while, getting col# out, getting #ar0 out' No one left in the
&laygroun#, only us'
8o&hie, 3 say' 5ow #i# you $ecome stu$$orn li0e this@ 3 am go home without you now'
3 try to use a stic0, chase her out of there, an# once or twice 3 hit her, $ut still she #oes not come
out' 8o finally 3 leave' 3 go outsi#e the gate'
110 *ye4$yeD 3 say' 3=m go home now'
*ut still she #oes not come out an# #oes not come out' Now it is #innertime, the s0y is $lac0' 3
thin0 3 shoul# may$e go get hel&, $ut how can 3 leave a little girl $y herself in the &laygroun#@ A $a#
man coul# come' A rat coul# come' 3 go $ac0 in to see what is ha&&en to 8o&hie' What if she have a
shovel an# is ma0ing a tunnel to esca&e@
8o&hieD 3 say'
No answer'
8o&hieD
11? 3 #on=t 0now if she is alive' 3 #on=t 0now if she is fall aslee& #own there' 3f she is crying, 3 cannot
hear her'
8o 3 ta0e the stic0 an# &o0e'
8o&hieD 3 say' 3 &romise 3 no hit you' 3f you come out, 3 give you a lolli&o&'
No answer' *y now 3 worrie#' What to #o, what to #o, what to #o@ 3 &o0e some more, even
har#er, so that 3 am &o0ing an# &o0ing when my #aughter an# Hohn su##enly a&&ear'
What are you #oing@ What is going on@ say my #aughter'
1,0 +ut #own that stic0D say my #aughter'
Bou are cra<yD say my #aughter'
Hohn wiggle un#er the structure, into the fo2hole, to rescue 8o&hie'
8he fell aslee&, say Hohn the e2&ert' 8he=s o0ay' %hat is one $ig hole'
Now 8o&hie is crying an# crying'
1,? 8o&hie, my #aughter say, hugging her' Are you o0ay, &eanut@ Are you o0ay@
8he=s :ust scare#, say Hohn'
Are you o0ay@ 3 say too' 3 #on=t 0now what ha&&en, 3 say'
8he=s o0ay, say Hohn' 5e is not li0e my #aughter, full of ;uestions' 5e is full of answers until we
get home an# can see $y the lam&light'
Will you loo0 at her@ he yell then' What the hell ha&&ene#@
1!0 *ruises all over her $rown s0in, an# a swollen4u& eye'
Bou are cra<yD say my #aughter' 9oo0 at what you #i#D Bou are cra<yD
3 try very har#, 3 say'
5ow coul# you use a stic0@ 3 tol# you to use your wor#sD
8he is har# to han#le, 3 say'
1!? 8he=s three years ol#D Bou cannot use a stic0D say my #aughter'
8he is not li0e any Chinese girl 3 ever saw, 3 say'
3 $rush some san# off my clothes' 8o&hie=s clothes are #irty too, $ut at least she has her clothes
on'
5as she #one this $efore@ as0 my #aughter' 5as she hit you $efore@
8he hits me all the time, 8o&hie say, eating ice cream'
1G0 Bour family, say Hohn'
*elieve me, say my #aughter'
A #aughter 3 have, a $eautiful #aughter' 3 too0 care of her when she coul# not hol# her hea# u&' 3
too0 care of her $efore she coul# argue with me, when she was a little girl with two &igtails, one of
them always croo0e#' 3 too0 care of her when we have to esca&e from China, 3 too0 care of her when
su##enly we live in a country with cars everywhere, if you are not careful your little girl get run over'
When my hus$an# #ie, 3 &romise him 3 will 0ee& the family together, even though it was :ust two of
us, har#ly a family at all'
*ut now my #aughter ta0e me aroun# to loo0 at a&artments' After all, 3 can coo0, 3 can clean,
there=s no reason 3 cannot live $y myself, all 3 nee# is a tele&hone' 1f course, she is sorry' 8ometimes
she cry, 3 am the one to say everything will $e o0ay' 8he say she have no choice, she #oesn=t want to
en# u& #ivorce#' 3 say #ivorce is terri$le, 3 #on=t 0now who invente# this terri$le i#ea' 3nstea# of live
with a tele&hone, though, sur&rise, 3 come to live with *ess' 3magine that' *ess ma0e an offer an#,
sure enough, where she come from, &eo&le mean for you to move in when they say things li0e that' A
cra<y i#ea, go to live with someone else=s family, $ut she li0e to have some female com&any, not li0e
my #aughter, who #oes not $elieve in com&any' %hese #ays when my #aughter visit, she #oes not
$ring 8o&hie' *ess say we shoul# give Nattie time, we will see 8o&hie again soon' *ut seems li0e my
#aughter have more &resentation than ever $efore, every time she come she have to leave'
3 have a family to su&&ort, she say, an# her voice is heavy, as if soa0ing wet' 3 have a young
#aughter an# a #e&resse# hus$an# an# no one to turn to'
1G? When she say no one to turn to, she mean me'
%hese #ays my $eautiful #aughter is so tire# she can :ust sit there in a chair an# fall aslee&' Hohn
lost his :o$ again, alrea#y, $ut still they rather hire a $a$y4sitter than as0 me to hel&, even they can=t
affor# it' 1f course, the new $a$y4sitter is much younger, can run aroun#' 3 #on=t 0now if 8o&hie
these #ays is wil# or not wil#' 8he call me Ceanie, $ut she li0e to 0iss me too, sometimes' 3
remem$er that every time 3 see a chil# on %V' 8o&hie li0e to gra$ my hair, a fistful in each han#, an#
then 0iss me smac0 on the nose' 3 never see any other chil# 0iss that way'
%he satellite %V has so many channels, more channels than 3 can count, inclu#ing a Chinese
channel from the Cainlan# an# a Chinese channel from %aiwan, $ut most of the time 3 watch
$loo&ers with *ess' Also, 3 watch the $ir# fee#er/so many, many 0in#s of $ir#s come' %he 8hea sons
hang aroun# all the time, as0ing when will 3 go home, $ut *ess tell them, >et lost'
8he=s a &ermanent resi#ent, say *ess' 8he isn=t going anywhere'
%hen she win0 at me, an# switch the channel with the remote control'
1?0 1f course, 3 shoul#n=t say 3rish this, 3rish that, es&ecially now 3 am $ecome honorary 3rish
myself, accor#ing to *ess' CeD Who=s 3rish@ 3 say, an# she laugh' All the same, if 3 coul# mention
one thing a$out some of the 3rish, not all of them of course, 3 li0e to mention this: %heir tal0 :ust
stic0' 3 #on=t 0now how *ess 8hea learn to use her wor#s, $ut sometimes 3 hear what she say a long
time later' Permanen# resien#' No# !oin! anyw$ere' 1ver an# over 3 hear it, the voice of *ess'
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 4%he wor# (fierce) is use# several times in (Who=s 3rish@) +lease loo0 u& the #efinition of
(fierce) in a goo# #ictionary, an# e2&lain its significance for your un#erstan#ing of the story'
,' 4Does the narrator change as a result of the e2&eriences she #escri$es@
!' 43magine that you have $een assigne# to teach (Who=s 3rish@) in a course on creative writing'
What are the features of its style an# structure that you woul# highlight for your stu#ents@
G' 4Now that you have rea# an# stu#ie# (Who=s 3rish@,) what is your res&onse to Hen=s choice of
title@ 3f the author as0e# you to suggest an alternate title, what woul# it $e@ A2&lain in #etail why
you feel that your title woul# $e a goo# one'
?' 4Does this story hel& you to &erceive something new a$out (#iversity)@ Do you thin0 that
(#iversity) is an overuse# term@ Why or why not@
-' 45ow woul# you #escri$e the #ifferences $etween the generations as these are e2&resse# in Hen=s
story@ Do you thin0 in general that there are significant #ifferences $etween mem$ers of ol#er an#
younger generations, or woul# you say that these are e2aggerate#@
.' 4Do you $elieve that sometimes these are goo# reasons for classifying &eo&le $y race an#
ethnicity@ What are these reasons@ Do you fin# them convincing@ 5ow shoul# we classify (mi2e#
race) &ersons@
TONI CADE BAMBARA
%oni Ca#e *am$ara (1!K1?", an African4American writer, was $orn in New Bor0 City an# grew u&
in $lac0 #istricts of the city' After stu#ying at the Fniversity of Florence an# at City College in New Bor0,
where she receive# a master=s #egree, she wor0e# for a while as a case investigator for the New Bor0
8tate Welfare De&artment' 9ater she #irecte# a recreation &rogram for hos&ital &atients' 1nce her literary
re&utation was esta$lishe#, she s&ent most of her time writing, though she also serve# as writer in
resi#ence at 8&elman College in Atlanta'
The ,esson [19-&]
*ac0 in the #ays when everyone was ol# an# stu&i# or young an# foolish an# me an# 8ugar were the
only ones :ust right, this la#y move# on our $loc0 with na&&y hair an# &ro&er s&eech an# no ma0eu&'
An# ;uite naturally we laughe# at her, laughe# the way we #i# at the :un0 man who went a$out his
$usiness li0e he was some $ig4time &resi#ent an# his sorry4ass horse his secretary' An# we 0in#a
hate# her too, hate# the way we #i# the winos who cluttere# u& our &ar0s an# &isse# on our han#$all
walls an# stan0 u& our hallways an# stairs so you coul#n=t halfway &lay hi#e4an#4see0 without a
go##am gas mas0' Ciss Coore was her name' %he only woman on the $loc0 with no first name' An#
she was $lac0 as hell, ce&t for her feet, which were fish4white an# s&oo0y' An# she was always
&lanning these $oring4ass things for us to #o, us $eing my cousin, mostly, who live# on the $loc0
cause we all move# North the same time an# to the same a&artment then s&rea# out gra#ual to
$reathe' An# our &arents woul# yan0 our hea#s into some 0in#a sha&e an# cris& u& our clothes so
we=# $e &resenta$le for travel with Ciss Coore, who always loo0e# li0e she was going to church,
though she never #i#' Which is :ust one of the things the grownu&s tal0e# a$out when they tal0e#
$ehin# her $ac0 li0e a #og' *ut when she came calling with some sachet she=# sewe# u& or some
ginger$rea# she=# ma#e or some $oo0, why then they=# all $e too em$arrasse# to turn her #own an#
we=# get han#e# over all s&ruce# u&' 8he=# $een to college an# sai# it was only right that she shoul#
ta0e res&onsi$ility for the young ones= e#ucation, an# she not even relate# $y marriage or $loo#' 8o
they=# go for it' 8&ecially Aunt >retchen' 8he was the main gofer in the family' Bou got some ol#
#um$ shit foolishness you want some$o#y to go for, you sen# for Aunt >retchen' 8he $een screwe#
into the go4along for so long, it=s a $loo#4#ee& natural thing with her' Which is how she got sa##le#
with me an# 8ugar an# Hunior in the first &lace while our mothers were in la4#e4#a a&artment u& the
$loc0 having a goo# ole time'
8o this one #ay Ciss Coore roun#s us all u& at the mail$o2 an# it=s &ure#ee hot an# she=s
0noc0in herself out a$out arithmetic' An# school su&&ose to let u& in summer 3 hear#, $ut she #on=t
never let u&' An# the starch in my &inafore scratching the shit outta me an# 3=m really hating this
na&&y4hea# $itch an# her go##am college #egree' 3=# much rather go to the &ool or to the show where
it=s cool' 8o me an# 8ugar leaning on the mail$o2 $eing surly, which is a Ciss Coore wor#' An#
Fly$oy chec0ing out what every$o#y $rought for lunch' An# Fat *utt alrea#y wasting his &eanut4
$utter4an#4:elly san#wich li0e the &ig he is' An# Hune$ug &unchin on I'%'=s arm for &otato chi&s'
An# Eosie >iraffe shifting from one hi& to the other waiting for some$o#y to ste& on her foot or as0
her if she from >eorgia so she can 0ic0 ass, &refera$ly Cerce#es=' An# Ciss Coore as0ing us #o we
0now what money is, li0e we a $unch of retar#s' 3 mean real money, she say, li0e it=s only &o0er
chi&s or mono&oly &a&ers we lay on the grocer' 8o right away 3=m tire# of this an# say so' An# woul#
much rather snatch 8ugar an# go to the 8unset an# terrori<e the West 3n#ian 0i#s an# ta0e their hair
ri$$ons an# their money too' An# Ciss Coore files that remar0 away for ne2t wee0=s lesson on
$rotherhoo#, 3 can tell' An# finally 3 say we oughta get to the su$way cause it=s cooler an# $esi#es we
might meet some cute $oys' 8ugar #one swi&e# her mama=s li&stic0, so we rea#y'
8o we hea#ing #own the street an# she=s $oring us silly a$out what things cost an# what our
&arents ma0e an# how much goes for rent an# how money ain=t #ivi#e# u& right in this country' An#
then she gets to the &art a$out we all &oor an# live in the slums, which 3 #on=t feature' An# 3=m rea#y
to s&ea0 on that, $ut she ste&s out in the street an# hails two ca$s :ust li0e that' %hen she hustles half
the crew in with her an# han#s me a five4#ollar $ill an# tells me to calculate 10 &ercent ti& for the
#river' An# we=re off' Ce an# 8ugar an# Hune$ug an# Fly$oy hangin out the win#ow an# hollering to
every$o#y, &utting li&stic0 on each other cause Fly$oy a faggot anyway, an# ma0ing farts with our
sweaty arm&its' *ut 3=m mostly trying to figure how to s&en# this money' *ut they all fascinate# with
the meter tic0ing an# Hune$ug starts laying $ets as to how much it=ll rea# when Fly$oy can=t hol# his
$reath no more' %hen 8ugar lays $ets as to how much it=ll $e when we get there' 8o 3=m stuc0' Don=t
no$o#y want to go for my &lan, which is to :um& out at the ne2t light an# run off to the first $ar4$4;ue
we can fin#' %hen the #river tells us to get the hell out cause we there alrea#y' An# the meter rea#s
eighty4five cents' An# 3=m stalling to figure out the ti& an# 8ugar say give him a #ime' An# 3 #eci#e
he #on=t nee# it $a# as 3 #o, so later for him' *ut then he tries to ta0e off with Hune$ug foot still in the
#oor so we tal0 a$out his mama something ferocious' %hen we chec0 out that we on Fifth Avenue an#
every$o#y #resse# u& in stoc0ings' 1ne la#y in a fur coat, hot as it is' White fol0s cra<y'
(%his is the &lace,) Ciss Coore say, &resenting it to us in the voice she uses at the museum'
(9et=s loo0 in the win#ows $efore we go in')
? (Can we steal@) 8ugar as0s very serious li0e she=s getting the groun# rules s;uare# away $efore
she &lays' (3 $eg your &ar#on,) say Ciss Coore, an# we fall out' 8o she lea#s us aroun# the win#ows
of the toy store an# me an# 8ugar screamin, (%his is mine, that=s mine' 3 gotta have that, that was
ma#e for me' 3 was $orn for that,) till *ig *utt #rowns us out'
(5ey, 3=m going to $uy that there')
(%hat there@ Bou #on=t even 0now what it is, stu&i#')
(3 #o so,) he say &unchin on Eosie >iraffe' (3t=s a microsco&e')
(Whatcha gonna #o with a microsco&e, fool@)
10 (9oo0 at things')
(9i0e what, Eonal#@) as0 Ciss Coore' An# *ig *utt ain=t got the first notion' 8o here go Ciss
Coore ga$$ing a$out the thousan#s of $acteria in a #ro& of water an# the somethinorother in a s&ec0
of $loo# an# the million an# one living things in the air aroun# us is invisi$le to the na0e# eye' An#
what she say that for@ Hune$ug go to town on that (na0e#) an# we rolling' %hen Ciss Coore as0 what
it cost' 8o we all :am into the win#ow smu#gin it u& an# the &rice tag say P!00' 8o then she as0 how
long=# ta0e for *ig *utt an# Hune$ug to save u& their allowances' (%oo long,) 3 say' (Beh,) a##s
8ugar, (outgrown it $y that time') An# Ciss Coore say no, you never outgrow learning instruments'
(Why, even me#ical stu#ents an# interns an#,) $lah, $lah, $lah' An# we rea#y to cho0e *ig *utt for
$ringing it u& in the first #amn &lace'
(%his here cost four hun#re# eighty #ollars,) say Eosie >iraffe' 8o we &ile u& all over her to see
what she &ointin out' Cy eyes tell me it=s a chun0 of glass crac0e# with something heavy, an#
#ifferent4color in0s #ri&&e# into the s&its, then the whole thing &ut into a oven or something' *ut for
PGJ0 it #on=t ma0e sense'
(%hat=s a &a&erweight ma#e of semi4&recious stones fuse# together un#er tremen#ous &ressure,)
she e2&lains slowly, with her han#s #oing the mining an# all the factory wor0'
(8o what=s a &a&erweight@) as0s Eosie >iraffe'
1? (%o weight &a&er with, #um$$ell,) say Fly$oy, the wise man from the Aast'
(Not e2actly,) say Ciss Coore, which is what she say when you warm or way off too' (3t=s to
weigh &a&er #own so it won=t scatter an# ma0e your #es0 unti#y') 8o right away me an# 8ugar curtsy
to each other an# then to Cerce#es who is more the ti#y ty&e'
(We #on=t 0ee& &a&er on to& of the #es0 in my class,) say Hune$ug, figuring Ciss Coore cra<y or
lyin one'
(At home, then,) she say' (Don=t you have a calen#ar an# a &encil case an# a $lotter an# a letter4
o&ener on your #es0 at home where you #o your homewor0@) An# she 0now #amn well what our
homes loo0 li0e cause she nosys aroun# in them every chance she gets'
(3 #on=t even have a #es0,) say Hune$ug' (Do we@)
,0 (No' An# 3 #on=t get no homewor0 neither,) says *ig *utt'
(An# 3 #on=t even have a home,) say Fly$oy, li0e he #o at school to 0ee& the white fol0s off his
$ac0 an# sorry for him' 8en# this &oor 0i# to cam& &osters, is his s&ecialty'
(3 #o,) says Cerce#es' (3 have a $o2 of stationery on my #es0 an# a &icture of my cat' Cy
go#mother $ought the stationery an# the #es0' %here=s a $ig rose on each sheet an# the envelo&es
smell li0e roses')
(Who wants to 0now a$out your smelly4ass stationery,) say Eosie >iraffe fore 3 can get my two
cents in'
(3t=s im&ortant to have a wor0 area all your own so that ' ' ')
,? (Will you loo0 at this sail$oat, &lease,) say Fly$oy, cuttin her off an# &ointin to the thing li0e it
was his' 8o once again we tum$le all over each other to ga<e at this magnificent thing in the toy store
which is :ust $ig enough to may$e sail two 0ittens across the &on# if you stra& them to the &osts tight'
We all start reciting the &rice tag li0e we in assem$ly' (5an#crafte# sail$oat of fi$erglass at one
thousan# one hun#re# ninety4five #ollars')
(Fn$elieva$le,) 3 hear myself say an# am really stunne#' 3 rea# it again for myself :ust in case
the grou& recitation &ut me in a trance' 8ame thing' For some reason this &isses me off' We loo0 at
Ciss Coore an# she loo0in at us, waiting for 3 #unno what'
(Who=# &ay all that when you can $uy a sail$oat set for a ;uarter at +o&=s, a tu$e of glue for a
#ime, an# a $all of string for eight cents@ 3t must have a motor an# a whole lot else $esi#es,) 3 say'
(Cy sail$oat cost me a$out fifty cents')
(*ut will it ta0e water@) say Cerce#es with her smart ass'
(%oo0 mine to Alley +on# +ar0 once,) say Fly$oy' (8tring $ro0e' 9ost it' +ity')
!0 (8aile# mine in Central +ar0 an# it 0eele# over an# san0' 5a# to as0 my father for another
#ollar')
(An# you got the stra&,) laugh *ig *utt' (%he :er0 #i#n=t even have a string on it' Cy ol# man
waile# on his $ehin#')
9ittle I'%' was staring har# at the sail$oat an# you coul# see he wante# it $a#' *ut he too little
an# some$o#y=# :ust ta0e it from him' 8o what the hell' (%his $oat for 0i#s, Ciss Coore@)
(+arents silly to $uy something li0e that :ust to get all $ro0e u&,) say Eosie >iraffe'
(%hat much money it shoul# last forever,) 3 figure'
!? Cy father=# $uy it for me if 3 wante# it')
(Bour father, my ass,) say Eosie >iraffe getting a chance to finally &ush Cerce#es'
(Cust $e rich &eo&le sho& here,) say I'%'
(Bou are a very $right $oy,) say Fly$oy' (What was your first clue@) An# he ra& him on the hea#
with the $ac0 of his 0nuc0les, since I'%' the only one he coul# get away with' %hough I'%' lia$le to
come u& $ehin# you years later an# get his lic0s in when you half e2&ect it'
(What 3 want to 0now is,) 3 says to Ciss Coore though 3 never tal0 to her, 3 woul#n=t give the
$itch that satisfaction, (is how much a real $oat costs@ 3 figure a thousan#=# get you a yacht any #ay')
G0 (Why #on=t you chec0 that out,) she says, (an# re&ort $ac0 to the grou&@) Which really &ains my
ass' 3f you gonna mess u& a &erfectly goo# swim #ay least you coul# #o is have some answers' (9et=s
go in,) she say li0e she got something u& her sleeve' 1nly she #on=t lea# the way' 8o me an# 8ugar
turn the corner to where the entrance is, $ut when we get there 3 0in#a hang $ac0' Not that 3=m
scare#, what=s there to $e afrai# of, :ust a toy store' *ut 3 feel funny, shame' *ut what 3 got to $e
shame# a$out@ >ot as much right to go in as any$o#y' *ut somehow 3 can=t seem to get hol# of the
#oor, so 3 ste& away for 8ugar to lea#' *ut she hangs $ac0 too' An# 3 loo0 at her an# she loo0s at me
an# this is ri#iculous' 3 mean, #amn, 3 have never ever $een shy a$out #oing nothing or going
nowhere' *ut then Cerce#es ste&s u& an# then Eosie >iraffe an# *ig *utt crow# in $ehin# an#
shove, an# ne2t thing we all stuffe# into the #oorway with only Cerce#es s;uee<ing &ast us,
smoothing out her :um&er an# wal0ing right #own the aisle' %hen the rest of us tum$le in li0e a
glue#4together :igsaw #one all wrong' An# &eo&le loo0in at us' An# it=s li0e the time me an# 8ugar
crashe# into the Catholic church on a #are' *ut once we got in there an# everything so hushe# an#
holy an# the can#les an# the $owin an# the han#0erchiefs on all the #roo&ing hea#s, 3 :ust coul#n=t
go through with the &lan' Which was for me to run u& to the altar an# #o a ta& #ance while 8ugar
&laye# the nose flute an# messe# aroun# in the holy water' An# 8ugar 0e&t giving me the el$ow'
%hen later tease# me so $a# 3 tie# her u& in the shower an# turne# it on an# loc0e# her in' An# she=#
$e there till this #ay if Aunt >retchen ha#n=t finally figure# 3 was lying a$out the $oar#er ta0in a
shower'
8ame thing in the store' We all wal0in on ti&toe an# har#ly touchin the games an# &u<<les an#
things' An# 3 watche# Ciss Coore who is stea#y watchin us li0e she waiting for a sign' 9i0e Cama
Drewery watches the s0y an# sniffs the air an# ta0es note of :ust how much slant is in the $ir#
formation' %hen me an# 8ugar $um& smac0 into each other, so $usy ga<ing at the toys, =s&ecially the
sail$oat' *ut we #on=t laugh an# go into our fat4la#y $um&4stomach routine' We :ust stare at that
&rice tag' %hen 8ugar run a finger over the whole $oat' An# 3=m :ealous an# want to hit her' Cay$e
not her, $ut 3 sure want to &unch some$o#y in the mouth'
(Watcha $ring us here for, Ciss Coore@)
(Bou soun# angry, 8ylvia' Are you ma# a$out something@) >ivin me one of them grins li0e she
tellin a grown4u& :o0e that never turns out to $e funny' An# she=s loo0ing very closely at me li0e
may$e she &lannin to #o my &ortrait from memory' 3=m ma#, $ut 3 won=t give her the satisfaction' 8o
3 slouch aroun# the store $eing very $ore# an# say, (9et=s go')
Ce an# 8ugar at the $ac0 of the train watchin the trac0s whi<<in $y large then small then gettin
go$$le# u& in the #ar0' 3=m thin0in a$out this tric0y toy 3 saw in the store' A clown that somersaults
on a $ar then #oes chin4u&s :ust cause you yan0 lightly at his leg' Cost P!?' 3 coul# see me as0in my
mother for a P!? $irth#ay clown' (Bou wanna who that costs what@) she=# say, coc0ing her hea# to
the si#e to get a $etter view of the hole in my hea#' %hirty4five #ollars coul# $uy new $un0 $e#s for
Hunior an# >retchen=s $oy' %hirty4five #ollars an# the whole househol# coul# go visit >ran##a##y
Nelson in the country' %hirty4five #ollars woul# &ay for the rent an# the &iano $ill too' Who are these
&eo&le that s&en# that much for &erforming clowns an# P1000 for toy sail$oats@ What 0in#a wor0
they #o an# how they live an# how come we ain=t in on it@ Where we are is who we are, Ciss Coore
always &ointin out' *ut it #on=t necessarily have to $e that way, she always a##s then waits for
some$o#y to say that &oor &eo&le have to wa0e u& an# #eman# their share of the &ie an# #on=t none
of us 0now what 0in# of &ie she tal0in a$out in the first #amn &lace' *ut she ain=t so smart cause 3
still got her four #ollars from the ta2i an# she sure ain=t getting it' Cessin u& my #ay with this shit'
8ugar nu#ges me in my &oc0et an# win0s'
G? Ciss Coore lines us u& in front of the mail$o2 where we starte# from, seem li0e years ago, an# 3
got a hea#ache for thin0in so har#' An# we lean all over each other so we can hol# u& un#er the
#raggy4ass lecture she always finishes off with at the en# $efore we than0 her for $orin us to tears'
*ut she :ust loo0s at us li0e she rea#in tea leaves' Finally she say, (Well, what #i# you thin0 of F' A'
1 8chwar<@)
Eosie >iraffe mum$les, (White fol0s cra<y')
(3=# li0e to go there again when 3 get my $irth#ay money,) says Cerce#es, an# we shove her out
the &ac0 so she has to lean on the mail$o2 $y herself'
(3=# li0e a shower' %iring #ay,) say Fly$oy'
%hen 8ugar sur&rises me $y saying, (Bou 0now, Ciss Coore, 3 #on=t thin0 all of us here &ut
together eat in a year what that sail$oat costs') An# Ciss Coore lights u& li0e some$o#y goose# her'
(An#@) she say, urging 8ugar on' 1nly 3=m stan#in on her foot so she #on=t continue'
?0 (3magine for a minute what 0in# of society it is in which some &eo&le can s&en# on a toy what it
woul# cost to fee# a family of si2 or seven' What #o you thin0@)
(3 thin0,) say 8ugar &ushing me off her feet li0e she never #one $efore, cause 3 whi& her ass in a
minute, (that this is not much of a #emocracy if you as0 me' A;ual chance to &ursue ha&&iness means
an e;ual crac0 at the #ough, #on=t it@) Ciss Coore is $esi#e herself an# 3 am #isguste# with 8ugar=s
treachery' 8o 3 stan# on her foot one more time to see if she=ll shove me' 8he shuts u&, an# Ciss
Coore loo0s at me, sorrowfully 3=m thin0in' An# somethin weir# is goin on, 3 can feel it in my chest'
(Any$o#y else learn anything to#ay@) loo0in #ea# at me' 3 wal0 away an# 8ugar has to run to
catch u& an# #on=t even seem to notice when 3 shrug her arm off my shoul#er'
(Well, we got four #ollars anyway,) she says'
(Fh hunh')
?? (We coul# go to 5ascom$s an# get half a chocolate layer an# then go to the 8unset an# still have
&lenty of money for &otato chi&s an# ice cream so#as')
(Fn hunh')
(Eace you to 5ascom$s,) she say'
We start #own the $loc0 an# she gets ahea# which is 1'7' $y me cause 3=m going to the West
An# an# then over to the Drive to thin0 this #ay through' 8he can run if she want to an# even run
faster' *ut ain=t no$o#y gonna $eat me at nuthin'
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 4What is (the lesson) that Ciss Coore is trying to teach the chil#ren@ 5ow much, if any, of this
lesson #oes 8ylvia learn@ +oint to s&ecific &assages to su&&ort your answers'
,' 48ince Ciss Coore inten#s the lesson for the chil#ren=s own goo#, why is 8ylvia so resistant to it,
so im&atient an# e2as&erate#@
!' 4%owar# the en# of the story, 8ylvia says that she is (#isguste# with 8ugar=s treachery') Descri$e
their relationshi&' What woul# $e missing from the story if *am$ara ha# not inclu#e# 8ugar among
its characters@
KATHERINE ANNE PORTER
7atherine Anne +orter (1J0K1J0" ha# the curious ha$it of inventing #etails in her life, $ut it is true that
she was $orn in a log ca$in in 3n#ian Cree0, %e2as, that she was originally name# Callie Eussell +orter,
that her mother #ie# when she was two years ol#, an# that Callie was $rought u& $y her maternal
gran#mother in 7yle, %e2as' A&&arently the family was conscious of former wealth an# &osition in
9ouisiana an# 7entuc0y' 8he was sent to convent schools, where, in her wor#s, she receive# (a strangely
useless an# ornamental e#ucation') At si2teen she left school, marrie# (an# soon #ivorce#", an# wor0e# as
a re&orter, first in %e2as an# later in Denver an# Chicago' 8he move# aroun# a goo# #eal, $oth within the
Fnite# 8tates an# a$roa#6 she live# in Ce2ico, *elgium, 8wit<erlan#, France, an# >ermany'
3ven as a c$il Por#er was in#eres#e in wri#in!, bu# s$e i no# "ublis$ $er &irs# s#ory un#il s$e was
#$ir#y4#$ree' S$e wro#e essays an one novel ;S$i" o& 2ools>, bu# s$e is bes# known &or $er s#ories'
Por#er,s 1ollec#e S#ories won #$e Puli#-er Pri-e an #$e Na#ional *ook Awar in 19/<'
.e [19&-]
9ife was very har# for the Whi&&les' 3t was har# to fee# all the hungry mouths, it was har# to 0ee&
the chil#ren in flannels #uring the winter, short as it was: (>o# 0nows what woul# $ecome of us if
we live# north,) they woul# say: 0ee&ing them #ecently clean was har#' (3t loo0s li0e our luc0 won=t
never let u& on us,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le, $ut Crs' Whi&&le was all for ta0ing what was sent an# calling
it goo#, anyhow when the neigh$ors were in earshot' (Don=t ever let a soul hear# us com&lain,) she
0e&t saying to her hus$an#' 8he coul#n=t stan# to $e &itie#' (No, not if it comes to it that we have to
live in a wagon an# &ic0 cotton aroun# the country,) she sai#, (no$o#y=s going to get a chance to
loo0 #own on us')
Crs' Whi&&le love# her secon# son, the sim&le4min#e# one, $etter than she love# the other two
chil#ren &ut together' 8he was forever saying so, an# when she tal0e# with certain of her neigh$ors,
she woul# even throw in her hus$an# an# her mother for goo# measure'
(Bou nee#n=t 0ee& saying it aroun#,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le, (you=ll ma0e &eo&le thin0 no$o#y else
has any feeling a$out 5im $ut you')
(3t=s natural for a mother,) Crs' Whi&&le woul# remin# him' (Bou 0now yourself it=s more
natural for a mother to $e that way' +eo&le #on=t e2&ect so much of fathers, some way')
? %his #i#n=t 0ee& the neigh$ors from tal0ing &lainly among themselves' (A 9or#=s &ure mercy if
5e shoul# #ie,) they sa#' (3t=s the sins of the fathers,) they agree# among themselves' (%here=s $a#
$loo# an# $a# #oings somewhere, you can $et on that') %his $ehin# the Whi&&les= $ac0s' %o their
faces every$o#y sai#, (5e=s not so $a# off' 5e=ll $e all right yet' 9oo0 how 5e growsD)
Crs' Whi&&le hate# to tal0 a$out it, she trie# to 0ee& her min# off it, $ut every time any$o#y set
foot in the house, the su$:ect always came u&, an# she ha# to tal0 a$out 5im first, $efore she coul#
get on to anything else' 3t seeme# to ease her min#' (3 woul#n=t have anything ha&&en to 5im for all
the worl#, $ut it :ust loo0s li0e 3 can=t 0ee& 5im out of mischief' 5e=s so strong an# active, 5e=s
always into everything6 5e was li0e that since 5e coul# wal0' 3t=s actually funny sometimes6 the way
5e can #o anything6 it=s laugha$le to see 5im u& to 5is tric0s, Amly has more acci#ents6 3=m forever
tying u& her $ruises, an# A#na can=t fall a foot without crac0ing a $one' *ut 5e can #o anything an#
not get a scratch' %he &reacher sai# such a nice thing once when he was here' 5e sai#, an# 3=ll
remem$er it to my #ying #ay, N%he innocent wal0 with >o#/that=s why 5e #on=t get hurt'=)
Whenever Crs' Whi&&le re&eate# these wor#s, she always felt a warm &ool s&rea# in her $reast, an#
the tears woul# fill her eyes, an# then she coul# tal0 a$out something else'
5e #i# grow an# 5e never got hurt' A &lan0 $lew off the chic0en house an# struc0 5im on the
hea# an# 5e never seeme# to 0now it' 5e ha# learne# a few wor#s, an# after this 5e forgot them' 5e
#i#n=t whine for foo# as the other chil#ren #i#, $ut waite# until it was given 5im6 5e ate s;uatting in
the corner, smac0ing an# mum$ling' Eolls of fat covere# 5im li0e an overcoat, an# 5e coul# carry
twice as much woo# an# water as A#na' Amly ha# a col# in the hea# most of the time/(she ta0es
that after me,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le/so in $a# weather they gave her the e2tra $lan0et off 5is cot' 5e
never seeme# to min# the col#'
Hust the same, Crs' Whi&&le=s life was a torment for fear something might ha&&en to 5im' 5e
clim$e# the &each trees much $etter than A#na an# went a s0ittering along the $ranches li0e a
mon0ey, :ust a regular mon0ey' (1h, Crs' Whi&&le, you ha#n=t ought to let 5im #o that' 5e=ll lose
5is $alance sometime' 5e can=t rightly 0now what 5e=s #oing')
Crs' Whi&&le almost screame# out at the neigh$or' (5e oes 0now what 5e=s #oingD 5e=s as
a$le as any other chil#D Come #own out of there, youD) When 5e finally reache# the groun# she coul#
har#ly 0ee& her han#s off 5im for acting li0e that $efore &eo&le, a grin all over 5is face an# her
worrie# sic0 a$out 5im all the time'
10 (3t=s the neigh$ors,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le to her hus$an#' (1h, 3 #o mortally wish they woul# 0ee&
out of our $usiness' 3 can=t affor# to let 5im #o anything for fear they=ll come nosing aroun# a$out it'
9oo0 at the $ees, now' A#na can=t han#le them, they sting him u& so6 3 haven=t got time to #o
everything, an# now 3 #on=t #are let 5im' *ut if 5e gets a sting 5e #on=t really min#')
(3t=s :ust $ecause 5e ain=t got sense enough to $e scare# of anything,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le'
(Bou ought to $e ashame# of yourself,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le, (tal0ing that way a$out your own
chil#' Who=s to ta0e u& for 5im if we #on=t, 3=# li0e to 0now@ 5e sees a lot that goes on, 5e listens to
things all the time' An# anything 3 tell 5im to #o 5e #oes it' Don=t never let any$o#y hear you say
such things' %hey=# thin0 you favore# the other chil#ren over 5im')
(Well, now 3 #on=t, an# you 0now it, an# what=s the use of getting all wor0e# u& a$out it@ Bou
always thin0 the worst of everything' Hust let 5im alone, 5e=ll get along somehow' 5e gets &lenty to
eat an# wear, #on=t 5e@) Cr' Whi&&le su##enly felt tire# out' (Anyhow, it can=t $e hel&e# now')
Crs' Whi&&le felt tire# too, she com&laine# in a tire# voice' (What=s #one can=t never $e
un#one, 3 0now that goo# as any$o#y6 $ut 5e=s my chil#, an# 3=m not going to have &eo&le say
anything' 3 get sic0 of &eo&le coming aroun# saying things all the time')
1? 3n the early fall Crs' Whi&&le got a letter from her $rother saying he an# his wife an# two
chil#ren were coming over for a little visit ne2t 8un#ay wee0' (+ut the $ig &ot in the little one,) he
wrote at the en#' Crs' Whi&&le rea# this &art out lou# twice, she was so &lease#' 5er $rother was a
great one for saying funny things' (We=ll :ust show him that=s no :o0e,) she sai#, (we=ll :ust $utcher
one of the suc0ing &igs')
(3t=s a waste an# 3 #on=t hol# with waste the way we are now,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le' (%hat &ig=ll $e
worth money $y Christmas')
(3t=s a shame an# a &ity we can=t have a #ecent meal=s vittles once in a while when my own
family comes to see us,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le' (3=# hate for his wife to go $ac0 an# say there wasn=t a
thing in the house to eat' Cy >o#, it=s $etter than $uying u& a great chance of meat in town' %here=s
where you=# s&en# the moneyD)
(All right, #o it yourself then,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le' (Christamighty, no won#er we can=t get
ahea#D)
%he ;uestion was how to get the little &ig away from his ma, a great fighter, worse than a Hersey
cow' A#na woul#n=t try it: (%hat sow=# ri& my insi#es out all over the &en') (All right, ol# frai#y,)
sai# Crs' Whi&&le, 5Ee,s not scare#' Watch Eim #o it') An# she laughe# as though it was all a goo#
:o0e an# gave 5im a little &ush towar#s the &en' 5e snea0e# u& an# snatche# the &ig right away from
the teat an# gallo&e# $ac0 an# was over the fence with the sow raging at 5is heels' %he little $lac0
s;uirming thing was screeching li0e a $a$y in a tantrum, stiffening its $ac0 an# stretching its mouth
to the ears' Crs' Whi&&le too0 the &ig with her face stiff an# slice# its throat with one stro0e' When
5e saw the $loo# 5e gave a great :olting $reath an# ran away' (*ut 5e=ll forget an# eat &lenty, :ust
the same,) thought Crs' Whi&&le' Whenever she was thin0ing, her li&s move# ma0ing wor#s' (5e=#
eat it all if 3 #i#n=t sto& 5im' 5e=# eat u& every mouthful from the other two if 3=# let 5im')
,0 8he felt $a#ly a$out it' 5e was ten years ol# now an# a thir# again as large as A#na, who was
going on fourteen' (3t=s a shame, a shame,) she 0e&t saying un#er her $reath, (an# A#na with so
much $rainsD)
8he 0e&t on feeling $a#ly a$out all sorts of things' 3n the first &lace it was the man=s wor0 to
$utcher6 the sight of the &ig scra&e# &in0 an# na0e# ma#e her sic0' 5e was too fat an# soft an#
&itiful4loo0ing' 3t was sim&ly a shame the way things ha# to ha&&en' *y the time she ha# finishe# it
u&, she almost wishe# her $rother woul# stay at home'
Aarly 8un#ay morning Crs' Whi&&le #ro&&e# everything to get 5im all cleane# u&' 3n an hour
5e was #irty again, with crawling un#er fences after a &ossum, an# stra##ling along the rafters of the
$arn loo0ing for eggs in the hayloft' (Cy 9or#, loo0 at you now after all my tryingD An# here=s A#na
an# Amly staying so ;uiet' 3 get tire# trying to 0ee& you #ecent' >et off that shirt an# &ut on another,
&eo&le will say 3 #on=t half #ress youD) An# she $o2e# 5im on the ears, har#' 5e $lin0e# an# $lin0e#
an# ru$$e# 5is hea#, an# 5is face hurt Crs' Whi&&le=s feelings' 5er 0nees $egan to trem$le, she ha#
to sit #own while she $uttone# 5is shirt' (3=m :ust all gone $efore the #ay starts')
%he $rother came with his &lum& healthy wife an# two great roaring hungry $oys' %hey ha# a
gran# #inner, with the &ig roaste# to a crac0ling in the mi##le of the ta$le, full of #ressing, a &ic0le#
&each in his mouth an# &lenty of gravy for the sweet &otatoes'
(%his loo0s li0e &ros&erity all right,) sai# the $rother6 (you=re going to have to roll me home li0e
3 was a $arrel when 3=m #one')
,? Avery$o#y laughe# out lou#6 it was fine to hear them laughing all at once aroun# the ta$le' Crs'
Whi&&le felt warm an# goo# a$out it' (1h, we=ve got si2 more of these6 3 say it=s as little as we can
#o when you come to see us so sel#om')
5e woul#n=t come into the #ining room, an# Crs' Whi&&le &asse# it off very well' (5e=s timi#er
than my other two,) she sai#' (5e=ll :ust have to get use# to you' %here isn=t every$o#y 5e=ll ma0e u&
with, you 0now how it is with some chil#ren, even cousins') No$o#y sai# anything out of the way'
(Hust li0e my Alfy here,) sai# the $rother=s wife' (3 sometimes got to lic0 him to ma0e him sha0e
han#s with his own gran#4mammy')
8o that was over, an# Crs' Whi&&le loa#e# u& a $ig &late for 5im first, $efore every$o#y' (3
always say 5e ain=t to $e slighte#, no matter who else goes without,) she sai#, an# carrie# it to 5im
herself'
(5e can chin 5imself on the to& of the #oor,) sai# Amly, hel&ing along'
!0 (%hat=s fine, 5e=s getting along fine,) sai# the $rother'
%hey went away after su&&er' Crs' Whi&&le roun#e# u& the #ishes, an# sent the chil#ren to $e#
an# sat #own an# unlace# her shoes' (Bou seeD) she sai# to Cr' Whi&&le' (%hat=s the way my whole
family is' Nice an# consi#erate a$out everything' No out4of4the4way remar0s/they $ave got
refinement' 3 get awfully sic0 of &eo&le=s remar0s' Wasn=t that &ig goo#@)
Cr' Whi&&le sai#, (Bes, we=re out three hun#re# &oun#s of &or0, that=s all' 3t=s easy to $e &olite
when you come to eat' Who 0nows what they ha# in their min#s all along@)
(Bes, that=s li0e you,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le' (3 #on=t e2&ect anything else from you' Bou=ll $e
telling me ne2t that my own $rother will $e saying aroun# that we ma#e 5im eat in the 0itchenD 1h,
my >o#D) 8he roc0e# her hea# in her han#s, a har# &ain starte# in the very mi##le of her forehea#'
(Now it=s all s&oile#, an# everything was so nice an# easy' All right, you #on=t li0e them an# you
never #i#/all right, they=ll not come here again soon, never you min#D *ut they can,# say 5e wasn=t
#resse# every lic0 as goo# as A#na/oh, honest, sometimes 3 wish 3 was #ea#D)
(3 wish you=# let u&,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le' (3t=s $a# enough as it is')
!? 3t was a har# winter' 3t seeme# to Crs' Whi&&le that they ha#n=t ever 0nown anything $ut har#
times, an# now to ca& it all a winter li0e this' %he cro&s were a$out half of what they ha# a right to
e2&ect6 after the cotton was in it #i#n=t #o much more than cover the grocery $ill' %hey swa&&e# off
one of the &low horses, an# got cheate#, for the new one #ie# of the heaves' Crs' Whi&&le 0e&t
thin0ing all the time it was terri$le to have a man you coul#n=t #e&en# on not to get cheate#' %hey cut
#own on everything, $ut Crs' Whi&&le 0e&t saying there are things you can=t cut #own on, an# they
cost money' 3t too0 a lot of warm clothes for A#na an# Amly, who wal0e# four miles to school #uring
the three4months session' (5e sets aroun# the fire a lot, 5e won=t nee# so much,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le'
(%hat=s so,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le, (an# when 5e #oes the out#oor chores 5e can wear your tar&aulin
coat' 3 can=t #o no $etter, that=s all')
3n Fe$ruary 5e was ta0en sic0, an# lay curle# u& un#er 5is $lan0et loo0ing very $lue in the face
an# acting as if 5e woul# cho0e' Cr' an# Crs' Whi&&le #i# everything they coul# for 5im for two
#ays, an# then they were scare# an# sent for the #octor' %he #octor tol# them they must 0ee& 5im
warm an# give 5im &lenty of mil0 an# eggs' (5e isn=t as stout as 5e loo0s, 3=m afrai#,) sai# the
#octor' (Bou=ve got to watch them when they=re li0e that' Bou must &ut more cover onto 5im, too')
(3 :ust too0 off 5is $ig $lan0et to wash,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le, ashame#' (3 can=t stan# #irt')
(Well, you=# $etter &ut it $ac0 on the minute it=s #ry,) sai# the #octor, (or 5e=ll have
&neumonia')
Cr' an# Crs' Whi&&le too0 a $lan0et off their own $e# an# &ut 5is cot in $y the fire' (%hey can=t
say we #i#n=t #o everything for 5im,) she sai#, (even to slee&ing col# ourselves on 5is account')
G0 When the winter $ro0e 5e seeme# to $e well again, $ut 5e wal0e# as if 5is feet hurt him' 5e was
a$le to run a cotton &lanter #uring the season'
(3 got it all fi2e# u& with Him Ferguson a$out $ree#ing the cow ne2t time,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le'
(3=ll &asture the $ull this summer an# give Him some fo##er in the fall' %hat=s $etter than &aying out
money when you haven=t got it')
(3 ho&e you #i#n=t say such a thing $efore Him Ferguson,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le' (Bou oughtn=t to
let him 0now we=re so #own as all that')
(>o#amighty, that ain=t saying we=re #own' A man is got to loo0 ahea# sometimes' Ee can lea#
the $ull over to#ay' 3 nee# A#na on the &lace')
At first Crs' Whi&&le felt easy in her min# a$out sen#ing 5im for the $ull' A#na was too :um&y
an# coul#n=t $e truste#' Bou=ve got to $e stea#y aroun# animals' After 5e was gone she starte#
thin0ing, an# after a while she coul# har#ly $ear it any longer' 8he stoo# in the lane an# watche# for
5im' 3t was nearly three miles to go an# a hot #ay, $ut 5e oughtn=t to $e so long a$out it' 8he sha#e#
her eyes an# stare# until colore# $u$$les floate# in her eye$alls' 3t was :ust li0e everything else in life,
she must always worry an# never 0now a moment=s &eace a$out anything' After a long time she saw
5im turn into the si#e lane, lim&ing' 5e came on very slowly, lea#ing the $ig hul0 of an animal $y a
ring in the nose, twirling a little stic0 in 5is han#, never loo0ing $ac0 or si#eways, $ut coming on
li0e a slee&wal0er with 5is eyes half shut'
G? Crs' Whi&&le was scare# sic0 of $ulls6 she ha# hear# awful stories a$out how they followe# on
;uietly enough, an# then su##enly &itche# on with a $ellow an# &awe# an# gore# a $o#y to &ieces'
Any secon# now that $lac0 monster woul# come #own on 5im, my >o#, 5e=# never have sense
enough to run'
8he mustn=t ma0e a soun# nor a move6 she mustn=t get the $ull starte#' %he $ull heave# his hea#
asi#e an# horne# the air at a fly' 5er voice $urst out of her in a shrie0, an# she screame# at 5im to
come on, for >o#=s sa0e' 5e #i#n=t seem to hear her clamor, $ut 0e&t on twirling 5is switch an#
lim&ing on, an# the $ull lum$ere# along $ehin# him as gently as a calf' Crs' Whi&&le sto&&e# calling
an# ran towar#s the house, &raying un#er her $reath: 9or#, #on=t let anything ha&&en to 5im' 9or#,
you know &eo&le will say we oughtn=t to have sent 5im' Bou know they=ll say we #i#n=t ta0e care of
5im' 1h, get 5im home, safe home, an# 3=ll loo0 out for 5im $etterD Amen')
8he watche# from the win#ow while 5e le# the $east in, an# tie# him u& in the $arn' 3t was no
use trying to 0ee& u&, Crs' Whi&&le coul#n=t $ear another thing' 8he sat #own an# roc0e# an# crie#
with her a&ron over her hea#'
From year to year the Whi&&les were growing &oorer an# &oorer' %he &lace :ust seeme# to run
#own of itself, no matter how har# they wor0e#' (We=re losing our hol#,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le' (Why
can=t we #o li0e other &eo&le an# watch for our $est chances@ %hey=ll $e calling us &oor white trash
ne2t')
(When 3 get to $e si2teen 3=m going to leave,) sai# A#na' (3=m going to get a :o$ in +owell=s
grocery store' %here=s money in that' No more farm for me')
?0 (3=m going to $e a schoolteacher,) sai# Amly' (*ut 3=ve got to finish the eighth gra#e, anyhow'
%hen 3 can live in town' 3 #on=t see any chances here')
(Amly ta0es after my family,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le' (Am$itious every last one of them, an# they
#on=t ta0e secon# &lace for any$o#y')
When fall came Amly got a chance to wait on ta$le in the railroa# eating4house in the town near
$y, an# it seeme# such a shame not to ta0e it when the wages were goo# an# she coul# get her foo#
too, that Crs' Whi&&le #eci#e# to let her ta0e it, an# not $other with school until the ne2t session'
(Bou=ve got &lenty of time,) she sai#' (Bou=re young an# smart as a whi&')
With A#na gone too, Cr' Whi&&le trie# to run the farm with :ust 5im to hel&' 5e seeme# to get
along fine, #oing 5is wor0 an# &art of A#na=s without noticing it' %hey #i# well enough until
Christmas time, when one morning 5e sli&&e# on the ice coming u& from the $arn' 3nstea# of getting
u& 5e thrashe# roun# an# roun#, an# when Cr' Whi&&le got to 5im, 5e was having some sort of fit'
%hey $rought 5im insi#e an# trie# to ma0e 5im sit u&, $ut 5e $lu$$ere# an# rolle#, so they &ut
5im to $e# an# Cr' Whi&&le ro#e to town for the #octor' All the way there an# $ac0 he worrie# a$out
where the money was to come from: it sure #i# loo0 li0e he ha# a$out all the trou$les he coul# carry'
?? From then on 5e staye# in $e#' 5is legs swelle# u& #ou$le their si<e, an# the fits 0e&t coming
$ac0' After four months, the #octor sai#, (3t=s no use, 3 thin0 you=# $etter &ut 5im in the County
5ome for treatment right away' 3=ll see a$out it for you' 5e=ll have goo# care there an# $e off your
han#s')
(We #on=t $egru#ge 5im any care, an# 3 won=t let 5im out of my sight,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le' (3
won=t have it sai# 3 sent my sic0 chil# off among strangers')
(3 0now how you feel,) sai# the #octor' (Bou can=t tell me anything a$out that, Crs' Whi&&le'
3=ve got a $oy of my own' *ut you=# $etter listen to me' 3 can=t #o anything more for him, that=s the
truth')
Cr' an# Crs' Whi&&le tal0e# it over a long time that night after they went to $e#' (3t=s :ust
charity,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le, (that=s what we=ve come to, charityD 3 certainly never loo0e# for this')
(We &ay ta2es to hel& su&&ort the &lace :ust li0e every$o#y else,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le, (an# 3 #on=t
call that ta0ing charity' 3 thin0 it woul# $e fine to have 5im where 5e=# get the $est of everything ' ' '
an# $esi#es, 3 can=t 0ee& u& with these #octor $ills any longer')
-0 (Cay$e that=s why the #octor wants us to sen# 5im/he=s scare# he won=t get his money,) sai#
Crs' Whi&&le'
(Don=t tal0 li0e that,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le, feeling &retty sic0, (or we won=t $e a$le to sen# 5im')
(1h, $ut we won=t 0ee& 5im there long,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le' (8oon=s he=s $etter, we=ll $ring
5im right $ac0 home')
(%he #octor has tol# you an# tol# you time an# again 5e can=t ever get $etter, an# you might as
well sto& tal0ing,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le'
(Doctor=s #on=t 0now everything,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le, feeling almost ha&&y' (*ut anyhow, in the
summer Amly can come home for vacation, an# A#na can get #own for 8un#ays: we=ll all wor0
together an# get on our feet again, an# the chil#ren will feel they=ve got a &lace to come to')
-? All at once she saw it full summer again, with the gar#en going fine, an# new white roller sha#es
u& all over the house, an# A#na an# Amly home, so full of life, all of them ha&&y together' 1h, it
coul# ha&&en, things woul# ease u& on them'
%hey #i#n=t tal0 $efore 5im much, $ut they never 0new :ust how much 5e un#erstoo#' Finally
the #octor set the #ay an# a neigh$or who owne# a #ou$le4seate# carryall offere# to #rive them over'
%he hos&ital woul# have sent an am$ulance, $ut Crs' Whi&&le coul#n=t stan# to see 5im going away
loo0ing so sic0 as all that' %hey wra&&e# 5im in $lan0ets, an# the neigh$or an# Cr' Whi&&le lifte#
5im into the $ac0 seat of the carryall $esi#e Crs' Whi&&le, who ha# on her $lac0 shirtwaist' 8he
coul#n=t stan# to go loo0ing li0e charity'
(Bou=ll $e all right, 3 guess 3=ll stay $ehin#,) sai# Cr' Whi&&le' (3t #on=t loo0 li0e every$o#y
ought to leave the &lace at once')
(*esi#es, it ain=t as if 5e was going to stay forever,) sai# Crs' Whi&&le to the neigh$or' (%his is
only for a little while')
%hey starte# away, Crs' Whi&&le hol#ing to the e#ges of the $lan0ets to 0ee& 5im from sagging
si#eways' 5e sat there $lin0ing an# $lin0ing' 5e wor0e# 5is han#s out an# $egan ru$$ing 5is nose
with 5is 0nuc0les, an# then with the en# of the $lan0et' Crs' Whi&&le coul#n=t $elieve what she saw6
5e was scru$$ing away $ig tears that rolle# out of the corners of 5is eyes' 5e snivele# an# ma#e a
gul&ing noise' Crs' Whi&&le 0e&t saying, (1h, honey, you #on=t feel so $a#, #o you@ Bou #on=t feel
so $a#, #o you@) for 5e seeme# to $e accusing her of something' Cay$e 5e remem$ere# that time she
$o2e# 5is ears, may$e 5e ha# $een scare# that #ay with the $ull, may$e 5e ha# sle&t col# an#
coul#n=t tell her a$out it6 may$e 5e 0new they were sen#ing 5im away for goo# an# all $ecause they
were too &oor to 0ee& 5im' Whatever it was, Crs' Whi&&le coul#n=t $ear to thin0 of it' 8he $egan to
cry, frightfully, an# wra&&e# her arms tight aroun# 5im' 5is hea# rolle# on her shoul#er6 she ha#
love# 5im as much as she &ossi$ly coul#, there were A#na an# Amly who ha# to $e thought of too,
there was nothing she coul# #o to ma0e u& to 5im for 5is life' 1h, what a mortal &ity 5e was ever
$orn'
.0 %hey came in sight of the hos&ital, with the neigh$or #riving very fast, not #aring to loo0 $ehin#
him'
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 4Consi#er the narrator=s voice' %he narrator tells us, for instance, that Crs' Whi&&le was (forever
saying) that she loves 5im ($etter than ' ' ' the other two chil#ren &ut together,) an# (accor#ing to
the narrator" she woul# (even throw in her hus$an# an# her mother for goo# measure') What #oes
the narrator seem to thin0 of Crs' Whi&&le@
,' 45ow #o you view Crs' Whi&&le@ With com&assion@ With anger@ With a mi2ture, or what@ (*y
the way, #o you thin0 that she unconsciously hates 5im@"
!' 4What function #oes Cr' Whi&&le serve in the story@ 3s he a voice of truth, in contrast to Crs'
Whi&&le@
G' 4Why #o you thin0 5e cries at the en# of the story@
BERNARD MALAMUD
*ernar# Calamu# (11GK1J-" was $orn in *roo0lyn of Eussian4Hewish immigrant &arents who ran a
mom4an#4&o& grocery store' 5e was e#ucate# in the &u$lic school system, an# then receive# a $achelor=s
#egree from the City Fniversity of New Bor0 an# a master=s #egree from Colum$ia Fniversity' For nine
years he taught Anglish in high school at night, an# then foun# a :o$ as an instructor in Anglish at 1regon
8tate Fniversity, where he taught from 1G until 1-1' During the years at 1regon, he &u$lishe# two
novels, %he Natural (1?," an# %he Assistant (1?.", an# a collection of stories, %he Cagic *arrel
(1?J", an# all of which were well receive# (%he Cagic *arrel won a National *oo0 Awar#"' 3n 1-1 he
$egan teaching at *ennington, an# in that year he &u$lishe# A New 9ife, a satiric novel #rawing on his
years at 1regon 8tate' Another novel/he wrote eight novels/%he Fi2er (1--", won a +ulit<er +ri<e'
/la0( Is My 1avorite Color [196#]
Charity Iuietness sits in the toilet eating her two har#4$oile# eggs while 3=m having my ham
san#wich an# coffee in the 0itchen' %hat=s how it goes, only #on=t get the i#ea of ghettoes' 3f there=s a
ghetto 3=m the one that=s in it' 8he=s my cleaning woman from Father Divine1 an# comes in once a
wee0 to my small three4room a&artment on my #ay off from the li;uor store' (+eace,) she says to me,
(Father reache# on #own an# too0 me right u& in 5eaven') 8he=s a small &erson with a flat $o#y,
fri<<y hair, an# a ;uiet face that the light shines out of, an# Cama ha# such eyes $efore she #ie#' %he
first time Charity Iuietness came in to clean, a little more than a year an# a half, 3 ma#e the mista0e
to as0 her to sit #own at the 0itchen ta$le with me an# eat her lunch' 3 was still feeling not so hot
after 1rnita left, $ut 3=m the 0in# of man/Nat 9ime, forty4four, a $achelor with a #aily growing $al#
s&ot on the $ac0 of my hea#, an# 3 coul# lose fran0ly fifteen &oun#s/who en:oys com&any so long as
he has it' 8o she coo0e# u& her two har#4$oile# eggs an# sat #own an# too0 a small $ite out of one of
them' *ut after a minute she sto&&e# chewing an# she got u& an# carrie# the eggs in a cu& to the
$athroom, an# since then she eats there' 3 sai# to her more than once, (10ay, Charity Iuietness, so
have it your way, eat the eggs in the 0itchen $y yourself an# 3=ll eat when you=re #one,) $ut she
smiles a$sentmin#e#, an# eats in the toilet' 3t=s my fate with colore# &eo&le'
Although $lac0 is still my favorite color you woul#n=t 0now it from my luc0 e2ce&t in short
;uantities, even though 3 #o all right in the li;uor store $usiness in 5arlem, on Aighth Avenue
$etween 110th an# 111th' 3 s&ea0 with res&ect' A large &art of my life 3=ve ha# #ealings with Negro
&eo&le, most on a $usiness $asis $ut sometimes for frien#ly reasons with genuine feeling on $oth
si#es' 3=m #rawn to them' At this time of my life 3 shoul# have one or two goo# colore# frien#s, $ut
the fault isn=t necessarily mine' 3f they 0new what was in my heart towar# them, $ut how can you tell
that to any$o#y nowa#ays@ 3=ve trie# more than once $ut the language of the heart either is a #ea#
language or else no$o#y un#erstan#s it the way you s&ea0 it' Very few' What 3=m saying is,
&ersonally for me there=s only one human color an# that=s the color of $loo#' 3 li0e a $lac0 &erson if
not $ecause he=s $lac0, then $ecause 3=m white' 3t comes to the same thing' 3f 3 wasn=t white my first
choice woul# $e $lac0' 3=m satisfie# to $e white $ecause 3 have no other choice' Anyway, 3 got an eye
for color' 3 a&&reciate' Who wants every$o#y to $e the same@ Cay$e it=s li0e some 0in# of a talent'
Nat 9ime might $e a li;uor #ealer in 5arlem, $ut once in the :ungle in New >uinea in the 8econ#
Worl# War, 3 got the i#ea, when 3 shot at a running Ha& an# misse# him, that 3 ha# some 0in# of a
talent, though may$e it=s the 0in# where you have a goo# i#ea now an# then, $ut in the en# what #o
they come to@ After all, it=s a strange worl#'
Where Charity Iuietness eats her eggs ma0es me thin0 a$out *uster Wilson when we were $oth
$oys in the Williams$urg section of *roo0lyn' %here was this long $loc0 of run4#own #irty frame
houses in the mi##le of a not4so4hot white neigh$orhoo# full of &ushcarts' %he Negro houses loo0e#
to me li0e they ha# $een $orn an# #ie# there, #ea# not long after the $eginning of the worl#' 3 live#
on the ne2t street' Cy father was a cutter with arthritis in $oth han#s, $ig re# 0nuc0les an# fingers so
swollen he #i#n=t cut, an# my mother was the one who went to wor0' 8he sol# &a&er $ags from a
secon#han# &ushcart on Allery 8treet' We #i#n=t starve $ut no$o#y ate chic0en unless we were sic0,
or the chic0en was' %his was my first ac;uaintance with a lot of $lac0 &eo&le an# 3 use# to &o0e
aroun# on their &oor $loc0' 3 thin0 3 thought, $rother, if there can $e li0e this, what can=t there $e@ 3
mean 3 caught an early i#ea what life was a$out' Anyway, 3 met *uster Wilson there' 5e use# to &lay
mar$les $y himself' 3 sat on the cur$ across the street, watching him shoot one mar$le lefty an# the
other one righty' %he han# that won &ic0e# u& the mar$les' 3t wasn=t so much of a game $ut he #i#n=t
as0 me to come over' Cy i#ea was to $e frien#ly, only he never encourage#, he #iscourage#' Why #i#
3 &ic0 him out for a frien#@ Cay$e $ecause 3 ha# no others then, we were new in the neigh$orhoo#,
from Canhattan' Also 3 li0e# his ty&e' *uster #i# everything alone' 5e was a s0inny 0i# an# his
$rothers= clothes hung on him li0e worn4out &otato sac0s' 5e was a $ean&ole $oy, a$out twelve, an# 3
was then ten' 5is arms an# legs were $urnt4out matchstic0s' 5e always wore a $rown wool sweater,
one arm half unravele#, the other went #own to the wrist' 5is long an# narrow hea# ha# a white &art
cut straight in the short woolly hair, may$e with a ruler there, $y his father, a $ar$er $ut too #run0 to
stay a $ar$er' 3n those #ays though 3 ha# little myself 3 was ol# enough to 0now who was $etter off,
an# the whole $loc0 of colore# houses ma#e me feel $a# in the #aylight' *ut 3 went there as much as 3
coul# $ecause the street was full of life' 3n the night it loo0e# #ifferent, it=s har# to tell a cri&&le in the
#ar0' 8ometimes 3 was afrai# to wal0 $y the houses when they were #ar0 an# ;uiet' 3 was afrai# there
were &eo&le loo0ing at me that 3 coul#n=t see' 3 li0e# it $etter when they ha# &arties at night an#
every$o#y ha# a goo# time' %he musicians &laye# their $an:os an# sa2o&hones an# the houses shoo0
with the music an# laughing' %he young girls, with their &retty #resses an# ri$$ons in their hair,
caught me in my throat when 3 saw them through the win#ows'
*ut with the &arties cam #rin0ing an# fights' 8un#ays were $a# #ays after the 8atur#ay night
&arties' 3 remem$er once that *uster=s father, also long an# loose, always wearing a #irty gray
5om$urg hat,, chase# another $lac0 man in the street with a half4inch chisel' %he other one, may$e
five feet high, lost his shoe an# when they wrestle# on the groun# he was alrea#y $lee#ing through
his suit, a thic0 re# $loo# smearing the si#ewal0' 3 was frightene# $y the $loo# an# wante# to &our it
$ac0 in the man who was $lee#ing from the chisel' 1n another time *uster=s father was &laying in a
cra& game with two $ig $ouncy re# #ice, in the $ac0 of an alley $etween two mi##le houses' %hen
a$out si2 men starte# fist4fighting there, an# they ran out of the alley an# hit each other in the street'
%he neigh$ors, inclu#ing chil#ren, came out an# watche#, every$o#y afrai# $ut no$o#y moving to #o
anything' 3 saw the same thing near my store in 5arlem, years later, a $ig crow# watching two men in
the street, their $reaths hanging in the air on a winter night, mur#ering each other with switch
0nives, $ut no$o#y move# to call a co&' 3 #i#n=t either' Anyway, 3 was :ust a young 0i# $ut 3 still
remem$er how the co&s #rove u& in a &olice &a##y wagon an# $ro0e u& the fight $y hitting every$o#y
they coul# hit with $ig nightstic0s' %his was in the #ays $efore 9a >uar#ia'! Cost of the fighters
were 0noc0e# out col#, only one or two got away' *uster=s father starte# to run $ac0 in his house $ut
a co& ran after him an# crac0e# him on his 5om$urg hat with a clu$, right on the front &orch' %hen
the Negro men were lifte# u& $y the co&s, one at the arms an# the other at the feet, an# they heave#
them in the &a##y wagon' *uster=s father hit the $ac0 of the wagon an# fell, with his nose s&outing
very re# $loo#, on to& of three other men' 3 &ersonally coul#n=t stan# it, 3 was scare# of the human
race so 3 ran home, $ut 3 remem$er *uster watching without e2&ression in his eyes' 3 stole an e2tra
fifteen cents from my mother=s &oc0et$oo0 an# 3 ran $ac0 an# as0e# *uster if he wante# to go to the
movies, 3 woul# &ay' 5e sai# yes' %his was the first time he tal0e# to me'
? 8o we went more than once to the movies' *ut we never got to $e frien#s' Cay$e $ecause it was a
one4way &ro&osition/from me to him' Which inclu#es my invitations to go with me, my (&oor
mother=s" movie money, 5ershey chocolate $ars, watermelon slices, even my $est Nic0 Carter an#
Cerriwell $oo0sG that 3 s&ent hours &ic0ing u& in the :un0 sho&s, an# that he never gave me $ac0'
1nce, he let me go in his house to get a match so we coul# smo0e some $utts we foun#, $ut it smelle#
so heavy, so im&ossi$le, 3 #ie# till 3 got out of there' What 3 saw in the way of furniture 3 won=t
mention/the $est was falling a&art in &ieces' Cay$e we went to the movies all together five or si2
matinees that s&ring an# in the summertime, $ut when the shows were over he usually wal0e# home
$y himself'
(Why #on=t you wait for me, *uster@) 3 sai#' (We=re $oth going in the same #irection')
*ut he was wal0ing ahea# an# #i#n=t hear me' Anyway he #i#n=t answer'
1ne #ay when 3 wasn=t e2&ecting it he hit me in the teeth' 3 felt li0e crying $ut not $ecause of the
&ain' 3 s&it $loo# an# sai#, (What #i# you hit me for@ What #i# 3 #o to you@)
(*ecause you a Hew $astar#' %a0e your Hew movies an# your Hew can#y an# shove them u& your
Hew ass')
10 An# he ran away'
3 thought to myself how was 3 to 0now he #i#n=t li0e the movies' When 3 was a man 3 thought,
you can=t force it'
Bears later, in the &rime of my life, 3 met Crs' 1rnita 5arris' 8he was stan#ing $y herself un#er
an o&en um$rella at the $us sto&, crosstown on 110th, an# 3 &ic0e# u& her green glove that she ha#
#ro&&e# on the wet si#ewal0' 3t was in the en# of Novem$er' *efore 3 coul# as0 her was it hers, she
gra$$e# the glove out of my han#, close# her um$rella, an# ste&&e# in the $us' 3 got on right after
her' 3 was annoye# so 3 sai#, (3f you=ll &ar#on me, Ciss, there=s no law that you have to say than0s,
$ut at least #on=t ma0e a criminal out of me')
(Well, 3=m sorry,) she sai#, ($ut 3 #on=t li0e white men trying to #o me favors')
3 ti&&e# my hat an# that was that' 3n ten minutes 3 got off the $us $ut she was alrea#y gone'
1? Who e2&ecte# to see her again, $ut 3 #i#' 8he came into my store a$out a wee0 later for a $ottle
of 8cotch'
(3 woul# offer you a #iscount,) 3 tol# her, ($ut 3 0now you #on=t li0e a certain 0in# of a favor an#
3=m not loo0ing for a sla& in the face')
%hen she recogni<e# me an# got a little em$arrasse#'
(3=m sorry 3 misun#erstoo# you that #ay')
(8o mista0es ha&&en')
,0 %he result was she too0 the #iscount' 3 gave her a #ollar off'
8he use# to come in every two wee0s for a fifth of 5aig Q 5aig'? 8ometimes 3 waite# on her,
sometimes my hel&ers, Himmy or Cason, also colore#, $ut 3 sai# to give the #iscount' %hey $oth
loo0e# at me $ut 3 ha# nothing to $e ashame#' 3n the s&ring when she came in we use# to tal0 once in
a while' 8he was a slim woman, #ar0, $ut not the most #ar0, a$out thirty years 3 woul# say, also well
$uilt, with a com$ination nice legs an# a goo#4si<e $osom that 3 li0e' 5er face was &retty, with $ig
eyes an# high chee0$ones, $ut li&s a little thic0 an# nose a little $roa#' 8ometimes she #i#n=t feel li0e
tal0ing, she &ai# for the $ottle, less #iscount, an# wal0e# out' 5er eyes were tire# an# she #i#n=t loo0
to me li0e a ha&&y woman'
3 foun# out her hus$an# was once a win#ow cleaner on the $ig $uil#ings, $ut one #ay his safety
$elt $ro0e an# he fell fifteen stories' After the funeral she got a :o$ as a manicurist in a %imes 8;uare
$ar$er sho&' 3 tol# her 3 was a $achelor an# live# with my mother in a small three4room a&artment on
West Aighty4thir# near *roa#way' Cy mother ha# cancer, an# 1rnita sai# she was sorry'
1ne night in Huly we went out together' 5ow that ha&&ene# 3=m still not so sure' 3 guess 3 as0e#
her an# she #i#n=t say no' Where #o you go out with a Negro woman@ We went to the Village' We
ha# a goo# #inner an# wal0e# in Washington 8;uare +ar0' 3t was a hot night' No$o#y was sur&rise#
when they saw us, no$o#y loo0e# at us li0e we were against the law' 3f they loo0e# may$e they saw
my new lightweight suit that 3 $ought yester#ay an# my shiny $al# s&ot when we wal0e# un#er a
lam&, also how &retty she was for a man my ty&e' We went in a movie on West Aighth 8treet' 3 #i#n=t
want to go in $ut she sai# she ha# hear# a$out the &icture' We went in li0e strangers an# we came out
li0e strangers' 3 won#ere# what was in her min# an# 3 thought to myself, whatever is in there it=s not
a certain white man that 3 0now' All night long we went together li0e we were chaine#' After the
movie she woul#n=t let me ta0e her $ac0 to 5arlem' When 3 &ut her in a ta2i she as0e# me, (Why #i#
we $other@)
For the stea0, 3 thought of saying' 3nstea# 3 sai#, (Bou=re worth the $other')
,? (%han0s anyway')
7i##o, 3 thought to myself after the ta2i left, you :ust foun# out what=s what, now the $est thing
is forget her'
3t=s easy to say' 3n August we went out the secon# time' %hat was the night she wore a &ur&le
#ress an# 3 thought to myself, my >o#, what colors' Who &aints that &icture &aints a master&iece'
Avery$o#y loo0e# at us $ut 3 ha# &leasure' %hat night when she too0 off her #ress it was in a
furnishe# room 3 ha# the sense to rent a few #ays $efore' With my sic0 mother, 3 coul#n=t as0 her to
come to my a&artment, an# she #i#n=t want me to go home with her where she live# with her
$rother=s family on West 11?th near 9eno2 Avenue' Fn#er her &ur&le #ress she wore a $lac0 sli&,
an# when she too0 that off she ha# white un#erwear' When she too0 off the white un#erwear she was
$lac0 again' *ut 3 0now where the ne2t white was, if you want to call it white' An# that was the night
3 thin0 3 fell in love with her, the first time in my life, though 3 have li0e# one or two nice girls 3 use#
to go with when 3 was a $oy' 3t was a serious &ro&osition' 3=m the 0in# of a man when 3 thin0 of love
3=m thin0ing of marriage' 3 guess that=s why 3 am a $achelor'
%hat same wee0 3 ha# a hol#u& in my &lace, two $ig men/$oth $lac0/with revolvers' 1ne got
e2cite# when 3 rang o&en the cash register so he coul# ta0e the money, an# he hit me over the ear
with his gun' 3 staye# in the hos&ital a cou&le of wee0s' 1therwise 3 was insure#' 1rnita came to see
me' 8he sat on a chair without tal0ing much' Finally 3 saw she was uncomforta$le so 3 suggeste# she
ought to go home'
(3=m sorry it ha&&ene#,) she sai#'
!0 (Don=t tal0 li0e it=s your fault')
When 3 got out of the hos&ital my mother was #ea#' 8he was a won#erful &erson' Cy father #ie#
when 3 was thirteen an# all $y herself she 0e&t the family alive an# together' 3 sat shiva for a wee0
an# remem$ere# how she sol# &a&er $ags on her &ushcart' 3 remem$ere# her life an# what she trie#
to teach me' Nathan, she sai#, if you ever forget you are a Hew a goy- will remin# you' Cama, 3 sai#,
rest in &eace on this su$:ect' *ut if 3 #o something you #on=t li0e, remem$er, on earth it=s har#er than
where you are' %hen when my wee0 of mourning was finishe#, one night 3 sai#, (1rnita, let=s get
marrie#' We=re $oth honest &eo&le an# if you love me li0e 3 love you it won=t $e such a $a# time' 3f
you #on=t li0e New Bor0 3=ll sell out here an# we=ll move some&lace else' Cay$e to 8an Francisco
where no$o#y 0nows us' 3 was there for a wee0 in the 8econ# War an# 3 saw white an# colore# living
together')
(Nat,) she answere# me, (3 li0e you $ut 3=# $e afrai#' Cy hus$an# woul#a 0ille# me')
(Bour hus$an# is #ea#')
(Not in my memory')
!? (3n that case 3=ll wait')
(Do you 0now what it=# $e li0e/3 mean the life we coul# e2&ect@)
(1rnita,) 3 sai#, (3=m the 0in# of man, if he &ic0s his own way of life he=s satisfie#')
(What a$out chil#ren@ Were you loo0ing forwar# to half4Hewish &ol0a #ots@)
(3 was loo0ing forwar# to chil#ren')
G0 (3 can=t,) she sai#'
Can=t is can=t' 3 saw she was afrai# an# the $est thing was not to &ush' 8ometimes when we met
she was so nervous that whatever we #i# she coul#n=t en:oy it' At the same time 3 still thought 3 ha# a
chance' We were together more an# more' 3 got ri# of my furnishe# room an# she came to my
a&artment/3 gave away Cama=s $e# an# $ought a new one' 8he staye# with me all #ay on 8un#ays'
When she wasn=t so nervous she was affectionate, an# if 3 0now what love is, 3 ha# it' We went out a
cou&le of times a wee0, an# the same way/usually 3 met her in %imes 8;uare an# sent her home in a
ta2i, $ut 3 tal0e# more a$out marriage an# she tal0e# less against it' 1ne night she tol# me she was
still trying to convince herself $ut she was almost convince#' 3 too0 an inventory of my li;uor stoc0 so
3 coul# &ut the store u& for sale'
1rnita 0new what 3 was #oing' 1ne #ay she ;uit her :o$, the ne2t she too0 it $ac0' 8he also went
away a wee0 to visit her sister in +hila#el&hia for a little rest' 8he came $ac0 tire# $ut sai# may$e'
Cay$e is may$e so 3=ll wait' %he way she sai# it, it was closer to yes' %hat was the winter two years
ago' When she was in +hila#el&hia 3 calle# u& a frien# of mine from the army, now a C+A,
.
an# tol#
him 3 woul# a&&reciate an invitation for an evening' 5e 0new why' 5is wife sai# yes right away'
When 1rnita came $ac0 we went there' %he wife ma#e a fine #inner' 3t wasn=t a $a# time an# they
tol# us to come again' 1rnita ha# a few #rin0s' 8he loo0e# rela2e#, won#erful' 9ater, $ecause of a
twenty4four4hour ta2i stri0e 3 ha# to ta0e her home on the su$way' When we got to the 11-th 8treet
station she tol# me to go $ac0 on the train, an# she woul# wal0 the cou&le of $loc0s to her house' 3
#i#n=t li0e a woman wal0ing alone on the streets at that time of the night' 8he sai# she never ha# any
trou$le $ut 3 insiste# nothing #oing' 3 sai# 3 woul# wal0 to her stoo& with her an# when she went
u&stairs 3 woul# go to the su$way'
1n the way there, on 11?th in the mi##le of the $loc0 $efore 9eno2, we were sto&&e# $y three
men/may$e they were $oys' 1ne ha# a $lac0 hat with a half4inch $rim, one a green cloth hat, an#
the thir# wore a $lac0 leather ca&' %he green hat was wearing a short coat an# the other two ha# long
ones' 3t was un#er a streetlight $ut the leather ca& sna&&e# a si24inch switch$la#e o&en in the light'
(What you #oin= with this white son of a $itch@) he sai# to 1rnita'
G? (3=m min#ing my own $usiness,) she answere# him, (an# 3 wish you woul# too')
(*oys,) 3 sai#, (we=re all $rothers' 3=m a relia$le merchant in the neigh$orhoo#' %his young la#y
in my #ear frien#' We #on=t want any trou$le' +lease let us &ass')
(Bou tal0 li0e a Hew lan#lor#,) sai# the green hat' (Fifty a wee0 for a single room')
(Nor charge fo= the rats,) sai# the half4inch $rim'
(*elieve me, 3=m no lan#lor#' Cy store is Nathan=s 9i;uors $etween 5un#re# %enth an#
Aleventh' 3 also have two colore# cler0s, Cason an# Himmy, an# they will tell you 3 &ay goo# wages
as well as 3 give #iscounts to certain customers')
?0 (8hut your mouth, Hew$oy,) sai# the leather ca&, an# he move# the 0nife $ac0 an# forth in front
of my coat $utton' (No more $lac0 &ussy for you')
(8&ea0 with res&ect a$out this la#y, &lease')
3 got sla&&e# on my mouth'
(%hat ain=t no la#y,) sai# the long face in the half4inch $rim, (that=s $lac0 &ussy' 8he #eserve to
have evvy $it of her hair shave off' 5ow you li0e to have evvy $it of your hair shave off, $lac0 &ussy@)
(+lease leave me an# this gentleman alone or 3=m gonna scream long an# lou#' %hat=s my house
three #oors #own')
?? %hey sla&&e# her' 3 never hear# such a scream' 9i0e her hus$an# was falling fifteen stories'
3 hit the one that sla&&e# her an# the ne2t 3 0new 3 was laying in the gutter with a &ain in my
hea#' 3 thought, goo#$ye, Nat, they=ll sta$ me for sure, $ut all they #i# was ta0e my wallet an# run in
three #irections'
1rnita wal0e# $ac0 with me to the su$way an# she woul#n=t let me go home with her again'
(Hust get home safely')
8he loo0e# terri$le' 5er face was gray an# 3 still remem$ere# her scream' 3t was a terri$le winter
night, very col# Fe$ruary, an# it too0 me an hour an# ten minutes to get home' 3 felt $a# for leaving
her $ut what coul# 3 #o@
-0 We ha# a #ate #owntown the ne2t night $ut she #i#n=t show u&, the first time'
3n the morning 3 calle# her in her &lace of $usiness'
(For >o#=s sa0e, 1rnita, if we got marrie# an# move# away we woul#n=t have the 0in# of trou$le
that we ha#' We woul#n=t come in that neigh$orhoo# any more')
(Bes, we woul#' 3 have family there an# #on=t want to move any&lace else' %he truth of it is 3
can=t marry you, Nat' 3 got trou$les enough of my own')
(3 coul#a sworn you love me')
-? (Cay$e 3 #o $ut 3 can=t marry you')
(For >o#=s sa0e, why@)
(3 got enough trou$le of my own')
3 went that night in a ca$ to her $rother=s house to see her' 5e was a ;uiet man with a thin
mustache' (8he gone,) he sai#, (left for a long visit to some close relatives in the 8outh' 8he sai# to
tell you she a&&reciate your intentions $ut #i#n=t thin0 it will wor0 out')
(%han0 you 0in#ly,) 3 sai#'
.0 Don=t as0 me how 3 got home'
1nce, on Aighth Avenue, a cou&le of $loc0s from my store, 3 saw a $lin# man with a white cane
ta&&ing on the si#ewal0' 3 figure# we were going in the same #irection so 3 too0 his arm'
(3 can tell you=re white,) he sai#'
A heavy colore# woman with a full sho&&ing $ag rushe# after us'
(Never min#,) she sai#, (3 0now where he live')
.? 8he &ushe# me with her shoul#er an# 3 hurt my leg on the fire hy#rant'
%hat=s how it is' 3 give my heart an# they 0ic0 me in my teeth'
(Charity Iuietness/you hear me@/come out of that go##amn toiletD)
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 4Do you li0e Nat 9ime@ What in &articular #o you li0e a$out him@ What is Calamu#=s attitu#e
towar# Nat@
,' 4What #oes the narrator mean when he says at the en# of the first &aragra&h, (3t=s my fate with
colore# &eo&le)@
!' 43n the secon# &aragra&h, what #oes the narrator mean when he says, (3=ve trie# more than once
$ut the language of the heart is either a #ea# language or else no$o#y un#erstan#s it the way you
s&ea0 it)@ Does the story as a whole su&&ort this view@ +lease e2&lain, citing evi#ence in the te2t'
G' 43s Nat foolish to imagine that he an# 1rnita coul# marry@ 3s the confrontation on the street with
the three men inten#e# to show Nat an# 1rnita shoul# no# marry/that there is too much hostility
$etween many whites (es&ecially, in this instance, Hews" an# African4Americans@ 1r #o you
inter&ret this e&iso#e #ifferently@
?' 4Why #oes Calamu# $egin an# en# the story with scenes involving Charity Iuietness@
-' 41ne scholar has state# that Calamu#=s &oint in this story is that efforts at integration are
(ho&eless') Do you agree@ Do you thin0 that Calamu#=s story is #ate# (it was first &u$lishe# in
1-!", or #oes it remain relevant to our un#erstan#ing of relationshi&s among ethnic an# racial
grou&s@
OSCAR CASARES
Oscar 1asares, born an raise in *rownsville, 7exas, an now a resien# o& San An#onio, is a !raua#e
o& #$e +owa (ri#ers, (orks$o"' Ee $as "ublis$e wiely an receive numerous "ri-es, incluin! #$e
Fames Mic$ener Awar' (e re"rin# a s#ory &rom $is collec#ion, *rownsville S#ories ;?==H>'
2olanda [&%%#]
When 3 can=t slee& at night 3 thin0 of Bolan#a Castro' 8he was a woman who live# ne2t #oor to us
one summer when 3 was growing u&' 3=ve never tol# Caggie a$out her $ecause it=s not something
she=# a&&reciate 0nowing' %rust me' %onight, li0e most nights, she fell aslee& $efore 3 was even #one
$rushing my teeth' An# now all 3 can hear are little snores' 8ometimes she even tal0s to herself,
shouts out other &eo&le=s names, an# then in the morning says she can=t remem$er any of it' Aither
way, 3 let her go on slee&ing' 8he=s over on her si#e of the $e#' 3t=s right where she ought to $e' %his
thing with Bolan#a #oesn=t really concern her'
3 was only twelve years ol# when Fran0 an# Bolan#a Castro move# into the $eige house with
green trim' Fran0 &ulle# u& on our street in a F45aul he=# #riven all the way from California to
%e2as' 3 remem$er it $eing a #ifferent neigh$orhoo# $ac0 then' Avery$o#y 0new every$o#y, an#
&eo&le left their #oors unloc0e# at night' Bou #i#n=t worry a$out &eo&le stealing shit you #i#n=t loc0
u&' 3=m tal0ing a$out more than twenty years ago now' 3=m tal0ing a$out $efore some #run0 s&ent all
afternoon in one of the cantinas on Fourteenth 8treet, then #rove his car straight into the Eivas front
yar# an# ran over the *a$y Hesus that was still lying in the manger $ecause 9onny Eivas was too
flo:o
1
to &ut it away a month after Christmas, an# then the guy trie# to run, $ut fell #own, aslee&, in
our yar#, an# when the co&s were han#cuffing him all he coul# say was ma4ri40uan4a, which even
then, at the age of fifteen, 3 0new wasn=t a goo# thing to say when you were $eing arreste#' %his was
$efore +ete Runiga was ri#ing his $ran#4new ten4s&ee# from Western Auto an#, ne2t to the
Frien#shi& >ar#en, saw a white #u#e who=# $een 0nife# a cou&le of #o<en times an# was floating in
the green water of the resaca'
,
*efore some cra<y woman hire# a curan#era
!
to &ut a s&ell on her
#aughter=s e24$oyfrien#, which really meant hiring a cou&le of hit men from Catamoros to #o a
#rive4$y' *efore the co&s ever ha# to show u& at Al Disco #e 1ro %ortillerSa' 9i0e hol#ing u& a .4
Aleven was getting ol#, right@ Bou 0now, when you coul# sit at the *rownsville Coffee 8ho& T1 an#
not worry a$out getting it in the $ac0 while you ate your menu#o'
G
When you #i#n=t have to &ut an
alarm an the Clu$ on your car so it woul#n=t en# u& in Eeynosa' *efore my father ha# to &ut iron
$ars on the win#ows an# #oors $ecause some future convict from the :unior high was always $rea0ing
into the house' An# $efore my father ha# to &ut a fence in the front $ecause, in his wor#s, 3=m sic0
an# tire# of all those #amn #ogs ma0ing &oo in my yar#' 3 guess what 3=m trying to say is, things
were #ifferent $ac0 then'
Fran0 Castro was an ol#er man, in his fifties $y that &oint, an# Bolan#a coul#n=t have $een more
than thirty, if that' Cy mother got along with Bolan#a o0ay an# even hel&e# her get a :o$ at the 5A*
store where she ha# wor0e# since $efore 3 was $orn' Bou coul# say that was where the &ro$lems
starte#, $ecause Fran0 Castro #i#n=t want his wife wor0ing at 5A*, or any other &lace for that matter'
Bou have no $usiness $eing in that grocery store, 3 hear# him yell one night when 3 was trying to fall
aslee&' 3 coul# hear almost everything Fran0 yelle# that summer' 1ur houses were only a few yar#s
a&art, an# my win#ow was the closest to the action' Cy father=s $ougainvilleas were the #ivi#ing line
$etween the two &ro&erties' 3 hear# Bolan#a $eg Fran0 to &lease let her ta0e the :o$' 3 hear# Fran0
yell something in 8&anish a$out how no woman in his family ha# ever wor0e# $ehin# a cosmetics
counter, selling li&stic0' 3 hear# her &romise she=# only wor0 &art4time, an# she=# ;uit if they ever
sche#ule# her on nights or wee0en#s' 3 hear# her tell him how much she love# him an# how she=#
never ta0e a :o$ that woul# 0ee& them a&art' Francisco, tU eres mi vi#a,
?
she sai# to him' 3 hear# him
get real ;uiet' %hen 3 hear# Fran0 an# Bolan#a Castro ma0ing love' 3 #i#n=t 0now what ma0ing love
soun#e# li0e $ac0 then, $ut 3 can tell you now that=s what it was'
3f you saw what Bolan#a loo0e# li0e, you might not have $lame# Fran0 for not wanting her to leave
the house' 3t also woul#n=t have $een a $ig mystery to you how she went into the store a&&lying for a
:o$ in the meat #e&artment an# en#e# u& getting one in cosmetics' %he only girl 3=# ever seen that
even came close to $eing as $eautiful as Bolan#a was in a Playboy 3 foun# un#er my &arents= $e# the
summer $efore' %he girl in the maga<ine ha# the same long $lac0 hair, light $rown s0in, an# green
eyes that Bolan#a #i#, only she was sitting $are$ac0 on an A&&aloosa'
? %he thing 3 remem$er most a$out Fran0 was his huge forearms' %hey were li0e +o&eye=s, e2ce&t
with a lot more $lac0 an# gray hair mi2e# in' *ut the hair on his arms was :ust the $eginning' %here
wasn=t a time 3 saw the guy that he #i#n=t loo0 li0e he coul#=ve use# a goo# shave' An# it #i#n=t hel&
that his thic0 eye$rows were connecte# into one long eye$row that stretche# across the $ottom of his
forehea# li0e a &iece of electrical ta&e' 5e was average si<e, $ut he loo0e# short an# s;uatty when he
stoo# ne2t to Bolan#a' Fran0 was a mechanic at the air&ort an#, accor#ing to my father, &ro$a$ly
ma#e goo# money' 3 was with my father the first time he met Fran0' 5e always ma#e it a &oint to
meet any new neigh$ors an# then come $ac0 to the house an# give a full re&ort to my mother, who
woul# later meet the neigh$ors herself an# say he was e2aggerating a$out how shifty so4an#4so=s eyes
were or how rich he thought another neigh$or might $e $ecause he ha# one of those new foreign cars
in the #riveway, un carro e2tran:ero,
-
a %oyota or a 5on#a' Fran0 was $eginning to mow his front
yar# when we wal0e# u&' Cy father intro#uce# me as his $oy, an# 3 shoo0 our neigh$or=s sweaty
han#' 3=ve live# thirty4si2 years on this earth an# never sha0en han#s with a $ear, $ut 3 have a goo#
i#ea that it woul#n=t $e much #ifferent from sha0ing Fran0 Castro=s han#' Aven his fingers nee#e# a
haircut' Fran0 stoo# there answering a cou&le of my father=s ;uestions a$out whether he li0e# the
neigh$orhoo# (he li0e# it" an# how long he ha# live# in California $efore moving $ac0 to %e2as (ten
years/he hel# u& $oth han#s to show us e2actly how many"' 8u##enly, my father no##e# an# sai#
we ha# to go' 5e turne# aroun# an# wal0e# off, then loo0e# over his shoul#er an# yelle# at me to
hurry u&' %his whole time, Fran0 ha# not shut off his mower' Cy father was force# to stan# there an#
shout over the soun# of the engine' %he re&ort on Fran0 wasn=t &retty when we got $ac0 to the house'
From that &oint on, my father woul# only refer to him as Al *urro'
3t wasn=t :ust my father' No$o#y li0e# Fran0' 5e ha# this thing a$out his yar# where he #i#n=t
want any$o#y getting near it' We foun# this out one #ay when 9onny an# 3 were throwing the foot$all
aroun# in the street' 9onny was showing off an# he threw the $all over my hea#, way over, an# it
lan#e# in Fran0=s yar#' When 3 was getting the $all, Fran0 o&ene# the front #oor an# yelle#
something a$out it $eing &rivate &ro&erty' %hen he went over, turne# on the hose, an# starte#
watering his yar# an# half the street in front of his yar#' 5e #i# this every afternoon from that #ay on'
%he hose with a s&ray gun in his right han#, an# a 8chlit< tall$oy in his left' 9onny thought we
shoul# steal the hose when Fran0 wasn=t home, or may$e &o0e a few holes in it, :ust to teach the
fuc0er a lesson' 1ne 8atur#ay morning we even saw him turn the hose on some Hehovahs who were
wal0ing u& the street towar#s his house' A s0inny man wearing a tie an# short4sleeve shirt 0e&t trying
to give him a &am&hlet, $ut Fran0 wasn=t listening'
Cy mother gave Bolan#a a ri#e to wor0 every #ay' 3n the afternoons, Bolan#a got off wor0 early
enough to $e waiting for Fran0 to &ull u& in his car an# #rive her $ac0 to the house' Cy mother tol#
us at home that Bolan#a ha# as0e# Fran0 to teach her how to #rive when they first got marrie# $ut
that Fran0 ha# sai# she was his &rincesa now an# any &lace she nee#e# to go, he=# ta0e her' 1ne
morning, when $oth my mother an# Bolan#a ha# the #ay off, my mother as0e# her if she wante# to
learn how to #rive' %hey #rove out $y the &ort, an# my mother &ulle# over so Bolan#a coul# ta0e the
wheel' 3 was hanging out at the Hiffy4Cart, #own the street, when 3 saw Bolan#a #riving my mother=s
car' Bolan#a hon0e# the horn, an# they $oth wave# at me as they turne# the corner'
%hat night/li0e a lot of nights that summer/3 listene# to Fran0 an# Bolan#a Castro' What they
sai# went something li0e this:
(3 can show you')
10 (3 #on=t wanna see')
(Why not@)
(*ecause you have no $usiness #riving a car aroun# town')
(*ut this way you #on=t have to &ic0 me u& every #ay' Bou can come straight home, an# 3=ll $e
here alrea#y, waiting')
(3 #on=t care' 3=m tal0ing a$out you learning to #rive')
1? (Fran0, it=s nothing')
(Bou #on=t even have a car' What #o you want with a license@)
(3 can $uy one')
(With what@)
(3=ve $een getting $onuses' %he com&anies gives us a little e2tra if we sell more of their
ma0eu&')
,0 (3s that right@)
(3t isn=t that much, Fran0')
(An# then@)
(Well, may$e 3 can $uy a use# one')
(3t=s $ecause of that store')
,? (What=s wrong with the store@)
(3t=s &utting i#eas in your hea#')
(Fran0, what i#eas@)
(3#easD 3s there some &lace 3 haven=t ta0en you@)
(No')
!0 (Well, then@)
(Francisco')
(Don=t NFrancisco= me')
(*a$y ' ' ')
(VIuM noD)
.

!? %hey were $eginning to remin# me of one of my mother=s novellas, which she was &ro$a$ly
watching in the living room at that very moment' %hings li0e that usually ma#e me want to laugh/
an# 3 #i# a little, into my &illow, $ut it was only $ecause 3 coul#n=t $elieve 3 was actually hearing it,
an# 3 coul# see Fran0 Castro &oun#ing me into the groun# with his $ig forearms if he ever foun# out'
(NoD 3 sai#')
(3=m not %rini')
(3 never sai# ' ' ')
(%hen sto& treating me li0e her' WNo sa$es ;uM tanto te ;uiero, Francisco@)
J

G0 3t got ;uiet for a while after that' %hen there was the soun# of something hitting the floor, the
soun# of two $o#ies #ro&&ing on a $e# with s&rings that ha# seen $etter #ays (an# nights", the soun#
of Bolan#a saying, Ay, @iosi#o,

over an# over an# over again/:ust li0e my tSa

10
5il#a #i# the #ay
her son, my cousin Eu#y, almost #rowne# in the swimming &ool at the Civic Center/then the soun#
of the $e# s&rings ma0ing their own cra<y music, an# the soun# of what 3 imagine a $ear is li0e when
he=s trying to ma0e little $ears'
Bolan#a 0e&t getting a ri#e to wor0 with my mother, an# Fran0 0e&t $ringing her home in the
afternoons' Cy mother ha# offere# to #rive Bolan#a to the D+8 office an# let her $orrow our car for
the #riving &art of the test, $ut Bolan#a sai# she=# change# her min# an# #i#n=t want to tal0 a$out it'
3 hear# my mother telling my father what she=# sai#, an# they agree# it &ro$a$ly ha# something to #o
with Fran0' Al *urro, my father let out when they #i#n=t have anything else to say'
3t was the Fourth of Huly when 3 got sic0 that summer' 3 remem$er my mother woul#n=t let me go
outsi#e with 9onny' 5e 0e&t yelling at me from the street that night to sto& $eing a $a$y an# come out
of the house so 3 coul# &o& some firecrac0ers' We=# $een tal0ing all wee0 a$out shooting some $ottle
roc0ets in the #irection of Fran0=s house' 3t #i#n=t feel li0e anything at first, :ust a fever, $ut the ne2t
morning we 0new it was the chic0en &o2' Cy mother ha# to miss a few #ays of wor0, staying home
with me until 3 got over the worst &art' After that, Bolan#a volunteere# to come loo0 in on me when
she wasn=t wor0ing' *ut 3 tol# my mother 3 #i#n=t want her coming over when 3 still loo0e# li0e those
#ea# &eo&le in that Ni!$# o& #$e Livin! @ea movie' Cy mother sai# Bolan#a woul# un#erstan# 3 was
sic0, an# if she #i#n=t, that=s what 3=# get for watching those 0in#s of movies' 8o for a$out a wee0 she
came over in the mornings an# we watche# 7$e Price +s %i!$# together' Bolan#a was great at
guessing the &rices of things, an# she sai# it was from wor0ing in a grocery store an# having a goo#
memory' 3 tol# her 3 thought she shoul# go on the show' 8he laughe# an# sai# she &ro$a$ly woul#n=t
win anything, since she=# $e too nervous' What 3 meant to say was that she shoul# go on the show
an# $e one of the girls who stan#s ne2t to the car, smiling' 8he was &rettier than any of them, $ut 3
never tol# her that, $ecause 3 got em$arrasse# whenever 3 thought a$out saying it'
3f Bolan#a came over in the afternoon, we=# watch :eneral Eos"i#al together' 8he sai# she=#
$een watching it for years' %here wasn=t anything else on at that hour, so 3 #i#n=t really care' 1nce,
she $rought over some lime sher$ert, an# we &laye# Chinese chec0ers in my room until she ha# to get
home to Fran0 Castro' Aach time she left she=# reach #own an# give me a little 0iss on the chee0, an#
each time her hair smelle# li0e a #ifferent fruit' 8ometimes li0e a &ear, sometimes li0e a straw$erry,
sometimes li0e an a&&le' %he straw$erry was my favorite'
%his was a$out the time when Fran0 sai# that from now on, he woul# ta0e Bolan#a to wor0 in the
morning/no matter how out of the way it was for him, or the fact that he an# my mother were
always &ulling out of the #riveway at the same time' A wee0 or two went $y, an# then my mother tol#
my father that Fran0 ha# starte# showing u& at the store in the mi##le of the #ay, usually #uring his
lunch hour, $ut sometimes also at two or three in the afternoon' 5e woul#n=t tal0 to Bolan#a, $ut
instea# :ust hung out $y the maga<ine rac0, &reten#ing to rea# a wrestling maga<ine' Bolan#a trie# to
ignore him' Cy mother sai# she ha# tal0e# to her in the $rea0 room, $ut Bolan#a 0e&t saying it was
nothing, that Fran0=s hours ha# change# at the air&ort'
G? %here was one 8atur#ay when he was off from wor0, an# as usual, he s&ent it in his front yar#,
sitting in a green lawn chair, #rin0ing tall$oys' 5e ha# turne# on the s&rin0ler an# was watching his
grass an# half the street get a goo# watering' 9onny an# 3 were throwing the foot$all aroun#' Fran0
sat in that stu&i# chair all afternoon' 5e only went in to gra$ another $eer an#, 3 guess, ta0e a &iss'
Aach time he got u& an# turne# aroun#, we shot him the finger'
%hat night, 3 hear# Fran0=s voice lou# an# clear' 5e wante# answers' 8omething a$out a &hone
num$er' 8omething a$out a customer he=# seen Bolan#a tal0ing to a cou&le of #ays earlier' Di# she
thin0 he was $lin#@ What the hell was so funny when the two of them were tal0ing@ 5ow many
times@ he wante# to 0now' VDesgracia#oD
11
Where@ >o##ammitD he wante# to 0now' What game
show@ VAl sanava$icheD 8omething shattere# against the wall an# then a few secon#s later Bolan#a
screame#' 3 sat u&' 3 #i#n=t 0now if 3 coul# form wor#s if 3 ha# to' What the hell were you #oing
listening anyway@ they woul# as0 me' %here was another scream an# then the soun# of the $ac0 #oor
slamming' 3 loo0e# out my win#ow an# saw Fran0 Castro chase Bolan#a into their $ac0yar#' 8he
was wearing a nightgown that came #own to her 0nees' Fran0 ha# on the same 0ha0is an# muscle
shirt he=# worn that afternoon' 5e only ran a few feet #own from the $ac0 ste&s $efore his hea# hit
the clothesline, an# he fell to the groun#, har#' Bolan#a #i#n=t turn to loo0 $ac0 an# ran aroun# the
right si#e of their house' 3 thought she=# gone $ac0 insi#e to call the &olice' %hen 3 hear# footste&s
an# a ta&&ing on my win#ow' 3t was Bolan#a whis&ering, 1&en it, o&en it'
3 #i#n=t say anything for a long time' Bolan#a ha# clim$e# in an# let #own the $lin#s' We were
lying on the $e#, facing the win#ow' 8he was $ehin# me, hol#ing me tight' 3 finally as0e# her is she
wante# a glass of water or some 7ool4Ai#' 3 ma#e it myself, 3 tol# her' 3t=s the orange 0in#, 3 sai#' 3
#i#n=t 0now what else to tal0 a$out' 8he sai# no, an# then she tol# me to $e ;uiet' 3 0e&t thin0ing,
%his has to $e a #ream an# any minute now my mother=s going to wal0 in an# tell me the $ar$acoa
1,
is sitting on the ta$le an# to come eat $ecause we=re going to eleven o=cloc0 mass an# #on=t even
thin0 a$out &utting on those $lue :eans with the &atches in the 0nees Wme entien#es@
1!
*ut that wasn=t
ha&&ening, an# something tol# me then that no matter what ha&&ene# after tonight, this was
something 3=# never forget' %here woul# always $e a time be&ore Bolan#a crawle# into my $e# an# a
time a&#er' As she hel# me, 3 coul# feel her heart $eating' %hen 3 felt her chiches
1G
&resse# against my
$ac0' An# even though 3 coul#n=t see them, 3 0new they were &erfect li0e the rest of her' 3 0new that
they=# fit right in the &alms of my han#s, if only 3 ha# enough guts to turn aroun#' Hust turn aroun#,
that=s all 3 ha# to #o' 3 thought $ac0 to when she was ta&&ing on the win#ow, an# 3 was sure she
wasn=t wearing a $ra' 3 was sure there was nothing $ut Bolan#a un#erneath her nightgown' 3 coul#
have sworn 3=# seen even more' 3=# $een close to a woman=s $o#y $efore' *ut this wasn=t li0e when
my tSa >loria came into town an# coul#n=t $elieve how much 3=# grown, an# then she s;uee<e# me so
har# my hea# got lost in her huge an# heavily &erfume# chiches' An# it wasn=t anything li0e the
8ears catalog where the girls ha# a tiny rose at the to& of their &anties' No, this was Bolan#a an# she
was in my $e#, &resse# u& against my $ac0, li0e it was the only &lace in the worl# for us to $e'
3 coul# go on an# tell you the rest of the #etails/how 3 never turne# aroun# an# always regrette#
it, how we staye# there an# listene# to Fran0 crying in his $ac0yar#, how 9onny=s #a# finally calle#
the co&s on his ass, how Bolan#a ha# a cousin &ic0 her u& the ne2t morning, how she en#e# u&
leaving Fran0 for a man who wor0e# for one of the sham&oo com&anies, how it #i#n=t matter $ecause
she=# also $een seeing an assistant manager an# woul# $e having his $a$y soon enough, an# how it
really #i#n=t matter $ecause the assistant manager was alrea#y marrie# an# wasn=t a$out to leave his
wife an# 0i#s, an# how, actually, none of it mattere# $ecause she=# $een ta0ing money out of the
register an# was a$out to $e caught/$ut that=s not the &art of the story 3 li0e to remem$er'
3n that $e# of mine, the one with the Dallas Cow$oy &illows an# covers, Bolan#a an# 3 were safe'
We were safe from Fran0 Castro an# safe from any$o#y else that might try to hurt us' An# it was safe
for me to fall aslee& in Bolan#a=s arms, with her warm, $eautiful $o#y &resse# against mine, an#
#ream that we were ri#ing off to some faraway &lace on an A&&aloosa'
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 4Characteri<e the narrator' Characteri<e Fran0'
,' 43n the ne2t4to4last &aragra&h we learn that Bolan#a has $een (ta0ing money out of the register')
Di# this statement sur&rise you@ Why #o you thin0 the author inclu#e# it@
!' 4Do you thin0 that the narrator is or was in love with Bolan#a@ A2&lain'
MICHELE SERROS
Cichele 8erros, $orn in 12nar#, California, in 1--, &u$lishe# her first $oo0 of &oems an# stories,
Chicana Falsa an# 1ther 8tories of Death, 3#entity an# 12nar#, while she was still a stu#ent at 8anta
Conica City College' We re&rint a story from her secon# $oo0, 5ow to *e a Chicana Eole Co#el (,000",
which achieve# national attention'
Senior Pi0ture 3ay
8ometimes 3 &ut two #ifferent earrings in the same ear' An# that=s on a #ay 3=m feeling &re&&y, not
really new wave or anything' 1ne time, #uring a trac0 meet over at Camarillo 5igh, 3 #iscovere# way
too late that 3=# forgot to &ut on #eo#orant an# that was the worst =cause everyone 0nows how snooty
those girls at Camarillo can $e' 5mmm' Actually the worst thing 3=ve ever forgotten to #o was ta0e
my &ill' %hat ha&&ene# three mornings in a row an# you can $et 3 was &raying for wee0s after that'
8o many things to remem$er when you=re seventeen years ol# an# your #ays start at si2 A'C' an#
sometimes #on=t en# until five in the afternoon' *ut to#ay of all #ays there=s one thing 3 have to
remem$er to #o an# that=s to s;uee<e my nose' 3=ve $een #oing it since the seventh gra#e' Avery
morning with my thum$ an# forefinger 3 s;uee<e the si#es of it, firmly &ressing my nostrils as close
as they &ossi$ly can get near the $ase' 8ometimes while 3=m waiting for the tortilla to heat u&, or :ust
when 3=m $rushing my teeth, 3 s;uee<e' No$o#y ever notices' No$o#y ever as0s' With all the other
shit seniors in high school go through, s;uee<ing my nose is nothing' 3t=s :ust li0e some regular early4
morning routine, li0e yawning or wi&ing the egg from my eyes' 10ay, so you might thin0 it=s :ust a
total waste of time, $ut to tell you the truth, 3 #o see the #ifference' Hust last wee0 3 line# u& all my
class &ictures an# coul# #efinitely see the &rogress' Cy nose has actually $ecome smaller, narrower' 3t
loo0s less 3n#ian' + loo0 less 3n#ian an# you can $et that=s the main goal here' %o#ay, when 3 ta0e my
gra#uation &ictures, my nose will loo0 :ust li0e %erri=s an# then 3=ll have the $est &icture in the
year$oo0' 3 thin0 a$out this as Crs' Cilne=s Duster comes hon0ing in the #riveway to ta0e me to
school'
%erri was my $est frien# in seventh gra#e' 8he came from Washington to Eio Del Valle Hunior high
halfway through 1cto$er' 8he was the first girl 3 0new who ha# contact lenses an# &our &airs of
Chemin #e Fers' Can you $elieve that@ 8he tol# everyone that her #a##y was gonna $uil# =em a
swimming &ool for the summer' 8he tol# me that 3 coul# go over to swim anytime 3 wante#' *ut until
then, she tol# me, 3 coul# go over an# we coul# &lay on her #a#=s C*'1
(Bou #a#=s really got a C*@) 3 as0e# her'
? (1h, yeah,) she answere#, :iggling her loc0er #oor' (Bou can come over an# we can ma0e u&
han#les for ourselves an# meet lots of guys' Cute ones')
Wha##aya mean, han#les@) 3 as0e#'
(9i0e names, little nic0names' 3 never use my real name' 3=m N>'>'= when 3 get on' %hat stan#s
for >ol#en >irl' 1h, an# you gotta ma0e sure you en# every sentence with Nover'= Bou=re li0e a total
ner# if you #on=t finish with Nover'= 3 never tal0 to anyone who #oesn=t say Nover'= %hey=re the worst')
No$o#y=s really into citi<en $an# ra#ios anymore' 3 now see =em all line# u& in &awnsho&s over
on 12nar# *oulevar#' *ut $ac0 in the seventh gra#e, everyone was getting them' %hey were way
$etter than using a &hone =cause, first of all, there was no &hone $ill to $ust you for tal0ing to $oys
who live# &ast %he >ra#e an# secon#, you #i#n=t have your stu&i# sister yelling at you for tying u&
the &hone line' Cost &eo&le ha# C*s in their cars, $ut %erri=s #a# ha# his in the #en'
When 3 showe# u& at %erri=s to chec0 out the C*, her mama was in the front yar# &lanting some
&ur&le flowers'
10 (>o on in alrea#y') 8he wave# me in' (8he=s in her father=s #en')
3 foun# %erri :ust li0e her mama sai#' 8he was alrea#y on the C*, loo0ing flustere# an# sorta
e2cite#'
(5ey,) 3 calle# out to her, an# &lo&&e# my tote $ag on her #a#=s #es0'
8he #i#n=t answer $ut rather motione# to me with her han#s to hurry u&' 5er mouth forme# an
e2aggerate#, (1h, my >o#D) 8he hel# out a glass $owl of +ringles an# &ointe# to a glass of Dr +e&&er
on the #es0'
3t turne# out %erri ha# foun# a $oy on the C*' An ol#er in#eres#e one' 5e was fifteen, a
s0ate$oar#er, an# his han#le was 9ightning *olt'
1? (9ightning *olt,) he $ragge# to %erri' (9i0e, you 0now, &owerful an# fast' %hat=s the way 3
s0ate' 8o,) he continue#, (where you guys live@ 1ver')
(We live near Cali$u') %erri answere#' (*etween Cali$u an# 8anta *ar$ara' 1ver')
(1h, e2cuse me, fan4ceee' 1ver')
(%hat=s right') %erri giggle#' (1ver')
We actually live# in 12nar#' Eeally, in Al Eio, a flat &atch of houses, churches, an# schools
surroun#e# $y lots of straw$erry fiel#s an# some new snooty stucco homes surroun#e# $y chainlin0'
*ut man, #i# %erri have this way of ma0ing things soun# $etter' 3 mean, it was the truth,
geogra&hically, an# $esi#es it soun#e# way more glamorous'
,0 3 too0 some +ringles from the $owl an# thought we were gonna have this won#erful afternoon of
tal0ing an# flirting with 9ightning *olt until %erri=s #a# ha&&ene# to come home early an# foun# us
ga$$ing in his #en'
(What the ' ' ' D) he yelle# as soon as he wal0e# in an# saw us hunche# over his C*' (What #o
you thin0 this is@ +arty Central@ >et off that thingD) 5e gra$$e# the receiver from %erri=s han#' (%his
isn=t a toyD 3t=s a tool' A tool for communication, you #on=t use it :ust to meet $oysD)
(Damn, Da#,) %erri com&laine# as she sli# off her father=s #es0' (Don=t have a cow') 8he too0
my han# an# le# me to her room' (Come on, let=s &ic0 you out a han#le')
When we were in her room, 3 tol# her 3 ha# #eci#e# on Cali >irl as my han#le'
(Bou mean, li0e California@) she as0e#'
,? (Beah, sorta')
(*ut you=re Ce2ican')
(8o@)
(8o, you loo0 li0e you=re more from Ce2ico than California')
(What #o you mean@)
!0 (3 mean, California is li0e, $lon# girls, you 0now')
(Beah, $ut 3 am Californian' 3 mean, real Californian' Aven my great4gran#ma was $orn here')
(3t=s :ust that you #on=t loo0 li0e you=re from California')
(An# you=re not e2actly gol#en,) 3 sna&&e#'
We #eci#e# to tal0 to 9ightning *olt the ne2t #ay, Fri#ay, right after school' %erri=s #a# always came
home real late on Fri#ays, sometimes even early the ne2t 8atur#ay morning' 3t woul# $e &erfect'
When 3 got to her house the garage #oor was wi#e o&en an# 3 went in through the si#e #oor' 3 almost
$um&e# into %erri=s mama' 8he was s&raying the house with +ine 8cent an# offere# me some 5i4C'
!? (5el& yourself to a +u##ing +o&, too,) she sai# $efore hea#ing into the living room through a
mist of aerosol' (%hey=re in the free<er')
Can, %erri=s mama ma#e their whole life li0e an afternoon commercial' 5i4C, +ringles in a
$owl, the whole house smelling li0e a &ine forest' Was %erri luc0y or what@ 3 gra$$e# a +u##ing +o&
out of the free<er an# was a$out to :oin her when 3 &ic0e# u& on her laugh' 8he was alrea#y tal0ing to
9ightning *olt' Dang, she #i#n=t waste timeD
(Well, may$e we #on=t ever want to meet you,) 3 hear# %erri flirt with 9ightning *olt' (5ow #o
you 0now we #on=t alrea#y have $oyfrien#s@ 1ver')
(Well, you $oth soun# li0e fo2es' 8o, uh, what o you loo0 li0e@ 1ver')
(3=m a$out five4four an# have green eyes an# ginger4colore# hair' 1ver')
G0 >reen@ >inger@ 3 always too0 %erri for having $rown eyes an# $rown hair'
(What a$out your frien#@ 1ver')
(What a$out her@ 1ver')
1h, this was a$out meD 3 $a to hear this' %erri 0new how to &um& u& things goo#'
(3 mean, what #oes she loo0 li0e@) 9ightning *olt as0e#' (8he soun#s cute' 1ver')
G? (Well ' ' ') 3 overhear# %erri hesitate' (Well, she=s real s0inny an#, uh ' ' ')
(3 li0e s0inny girlsD)
(Bou #i#n=t let me finishD) %erri interru&te#' (An# you #i#n=t say Nover'= 1ver')
(8orry,) 9ightning *olt sai#' (>o ahea# an# finish' 1ver')
3 tore the wra&&er off the +u##ing +o& an# continue# to listen'
?0 (Well,) %erri continue#' (8he=s also sorta flat4cheste#, 3 guess' 1ver')
($a#8 5ow coul# %erri say that@
(Flat4cheste#@ 1h yeah@ 1ver') 9ightning *olt answere#'
(Beah' 1ver')
%erri &ause# uncomforta$ly' 3t was as if she 0new what she was saying was wrong an# $a# an#
she shoul#=ve sto&&e# $ut coul#n=t' 8he was saying things a$out a frien#, things a real frien#
shoul#n=t $e saying a$out another frien#, $ut now there was a $oy involve# an# he was intereste# in
that other frien#, in me, an# her si#e was losing momentum' 8he woul# have to continue to stay
ahea#'
?? (Beah, an# she also has this, this nose, a nose li0e ' ' ' li0e an +nian' 1ver')
(An, 3n#ian@) 9ightning *olt as0e#' (What #o ya mean an 3n#ian@ 1ver')
(Bou 0now, +nian' 9i0e &owwow 3n#ian')
(Eeally@) 9ightning *olt laughe# on the other en#' (9i0e Woo4Woo4Woo 3n#ian@) 5e cla&&e#
his &alm over his mouth an# waile#' A soun# 3 0new all too well'
(Beah, :ust li0e thatD) %erri laughe#' (3n fact, 3 thin0 she=s gonna &ic0 N9i=l 8;uaw= as her
han#leD)
-0 3 shut the refrigerator #oor ;uietly' 3 touche# the ri#ge of my nose' 3 felt the $um& my mother ha#
&romise# me woul# $e less noticea$le once my face (fille# out') %he $ase of my nose was far from
feminine an# was $roa#, li0e, well, li0e Fncle Eu#y=s nose, >ran#&a Eu#y=s nose, an# yeah, a little
$it of Fncle Vincente=s nose, too' Cen in my family who loo0e# li0e 3n#ians an# here their 3n#ian
noses were lum&e# together on me, on my face' Cy nose ma#e me loo0 li0e 3 #i#n=t $elong, ma#e me
loo0 less Californian than my $lon# counter&arts' After hearing %erri an# 9ightning *olt laugh, more
than anything 3 hate# the men in my family who ha# given me such a hi#eous nose'
3 gra$$e# my tote $ag an# starte# to leave out through the garage #oor when %erri=s mama calle#
out from the living room' (Bou=re leaving alrea#y@) she as0e#' (3 0now %erri woul# love to have you
for #inner' 5er #a##y=s wor0ing late again')
3 #i#n=t answer an# 3 #i#n=t turn aroun#' 3 :ust wal0e# out an# went home'
An# so that=s how the s;uee<ing $egan' 3 eventually sto&&e# hanging out with %erri an# never got a
chance to use my han#le on her #a#=s C*' 3 0now it=s $een almost four years since she sai# all that
stuff a$out me, a$out my nose, $ut man, it still stings'
-? During freshman year 3 hear# that %erri=s #a# met some la#y on the C* an# left her mama for
this other woman' Can you $elieve that@ Who=# wanna leave a house that smelle# li0e a &ine forest
an# always ha# +u##ing +o&s in the free<er@
As Crs' Cilne hon0s from the #riveway im&atiently, 3 gra$ my $oo0s an# run #own the #riveway,
s;uee<ing my nose :ust a little $it more' 3 #o it $ecause to#ay is 8enior +icture Day an# $ecause 3 #o
notice the #ifference' 3 might $e too s0inny' Cy chest might $e too flat' *ut >o# for$i# 3 loo0 too
3n#ian'
F %1+3C8 F1E CE3%3CA9 %53N73N> AND WE3%3N>
1' 45ow woul# you characteri<e the narrator@ Do you regar# her with amusement, &ity, contem&t,
sym&athy/or all of the a$ove, or none@ +lease e2&lain'
,' 4*riefly recounte# within this story a$out the narrator is another story a$out %erri=s &arents' Why
#o you su&&ose 8erros inclu#e# this story@
!' 43n your li$rary fin# a $oo0 a$out the Caya, with illustrations of Cayan scul&ture' 3n an essay of
,?0 wor#s, #escri$e the noses of the figures an# summari<e/giving cre#it to your source/any
comments that the $oo0 ma0es a$out Cayan i#eas of $eauty'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
9eslie Carmon 8il0o
1Angelus a #evotional &rayer commemorating the Annunciation (the angel >a$riel=s announcement of the
3ncarnation of >o# in the human form of Hesus"'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
Hac0 For$es
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
1BIA *ureau of 3n#ian Affairs'
Hohn F&#i0e
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
Hohn F&#i0e
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
Hohn F&#i0e
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
1Hirosige ! ! ! Ho"us#i An#o 5iroshige (1..K1J?J" an# 7atsushi0a 5o0usai (1.-0K1JG" are chiefly
0nown as #esigners of lan#sca&e &rints'
Hohn F&#i0e
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
,Prous$ Carcel +roust (1J.1K1,,", French homose2ual novelist' !Helleni% &ello'si( >ree0
frien#shi&, with the im&lication of erotic love $etween a mature man an# a youth'
>loria Naylor
1Ben the custo#ian of *rewster +lace'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
>loria Naylor
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
>loria Naylor
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
Diana Chang
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
Diana Chang
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
Diana Chang
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
7atherine Cin
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
7atherine Cin
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
7atherine Cin
1)u""# a +ali wor# meaning (suffering,) &articularly the suffering that is cause# $y #esire'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
,"i*%is &ic0les' !+i$ee#) Alfre# North Whitehea# (1J-1K1G.", *ritish mathematician an#
&hiloso&her'
7atherine Cin
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
7atherine Cin
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
>ish Hen
1Con&u%ius Chinese religious lea#er an# &hiloso&her (??1KG. *CA"' ,O(iu* +#r conflicts, 1J!K1JG,
an# 1J?-K1J-0, $etween China an# >reat *ritain involving the o&ium tra#e'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
>ish Hen
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
>ish Hen
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
>ish Hen
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
%oni Ca#e *am$ara
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
%oni Ca#e *am$ara
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
%oni Ca#e *am$ara
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
7atherine Anne +orter
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
7atherine Anne +orter
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
7atherine Anne +orter
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
*ernar# Calamu#
1F#$er Di,ine Father Divine, whose name at $irth was >eorge *a0er (1J..K1-?", was a &o&ular
religious lea#er in 5arlem #uring the 1!0s' 5e esta$lishe# the +eace Cission Covement, which &rovi#e#
foo#, clothing, an# wor0 o&&ortunities for its followers'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
*ernar# Calamu#
,Ho*-urg H#$ a ty&e of a man=s hat, which ta0es its name from the town in >ermany where such hats
were ma#e' !L# Gu#r)i# Fiorello 5enry 9a >uar#ia (1JG,K1G." was the colorful, &rogressive mayor of
New Bor0 City from 1!G to 1G?' GNi%" C#r$er #n) Merri'ell -oo"s Nic0 Carter, the name of a
fictional #etective in a wi#ely rea# series of $oo0s &u$lishe# from the 1J0s to the 1?0s6 Fran0
Cerriwell, the name of a literary character, a star athlete at Bale, in a series of $oo0s for $oys &u$lishe#
from 100 to 1!!'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
?H#ig . H#ig a fine 8cotch whis0y'
*ernar# Calamu#
-go/ Bi##ish term (often use# #is&aragingly" for gentile'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
.CPA Certifie# +u$lic Accountant'
*ernar# Calamu#
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
1scar Casares
1
&lo0o wea04wille#'
,
res#%# #ry stream$e#'
!
%ur#n)er# mi#4wife'
G
*enu)o tri&e sou&'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation

?
$1 ! ! ! ,i)# you are my life'
-
%#rro e2$r#n0ero foreign car'
1scar Casares
.
34u5 no6 Why not?
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
J
7No ! ! ! Fr#n%is%o8 Don=t you 0now how much 3 love you, Francisco@

A/9 Diosi$o 1h, >o#'

10
$:# aunt'
1scar Casares
11
Desgr#%i#)o #isgraceful'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
1,
-#r-#%o# $a0e# lam$ or goat'
1!
*e en$ien)es #o you un#erstan# me@
1G
%i%es $reasts'
Cichele 8erros
1CB Citi<ens *an# (a ra#io fre;uency use# $y the general &u$lic to tal0 to one another over a short
#istance"'
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation
Cichele 8erros
Cha&ter 10 X American Voices: Fiction for a Diverse Nation