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Babies cry. There's no way to avoid it — it's one way they communicate. Since your baby can't flat out tell you, you may worry,
"How will I know what she wants?" It can be difficult at first, but a large part of parenting is trial and error and you'll soon learn to
anticipate her needs, read her cues, and wipe away her tears. Here are the most common reasons babies cry. If your little one is
wailing, work your way down the list and chances are you'll find something that helps.
Massage her
Most babies love to be touched, so a massage might be just the thing to soothe your baby. Don't worry about not knowing the
perfect movements — as long as they're gentle and slow, they should bring comfort. Also, try rubbing your baby's back or belly.
This will help if she's having gas pains — which may be the problem with some colicky babies.
If you know your baby's needs have been met and you've tried to calm her but she's still crying, it's time to take care of yourself
so you don't get too exasperated:
• Put your baby down in a safe place and let her cry for a while.
• Call a friend or relative and ask for advice.
• Give yourself a break and let someone else take over.
• Put on quiet music to distract yourself.
• Take deep breaths.
• Remind yourself that nothing is wrong with your baby and crying won't hurt her — she may just need the release.
• Repeat to yourself, "She will outgrow this phase."
• Whatever you do, don't take your frustration out on your baby by shaking her.
Fortunately, babies (and their parents) are resilient and somehow manage to get through even the most difficult crying episodes.
Take heart that by the time your baby is 8 to 12 weeks old, she'll be better able to soothe herself and much of the crying will stop.
At what age is it safe for my baby to fly?
Expert Answers
Lane France, pediatrician
Ideally, your baby should be at least 2 to 3 months old before he flies. This will give his immune system a chance to grow strong
enough to resist the germs that often make the rounds in airplane ventilation systems. It also gives the two of you enough time to
settle into a routine and master the art of breast- or bottle-feeding.
If you can't wait that long, your baby should be okay to fly after his 2-week checkup — provided he has a clean bill of health and
you had a full-term pregnancy without complications. Premature babies are especially susceptible to germs, so it may take
longer before they're ready to go on an airplane trip.
If you have any questions about whether your baby is healthy enough to fly, ask his pediatrician for advice. Note that airlines do
not allow any baby younger than 1 week to fly without a doctor's note.
Many parents worry that the changes in air pressure that happen when you fly can harm their baby's ears. It's true that "popping
ears" during takeoff and landing can be a bit painful for infants, but it won't cause any lasting damage. (The pressure changes
can be very uncomfortable if your baby has an ear infection, however. If so, you may need to postpone your flight.)
Your baby will feel more comfortable if he has something to suck on during takeoff and landing, so you may want to breastfeed
or give him a bottle or pacifier. You can give him some infant pain reliever (such as acetaminophen) if his ears really seem to
bother him.
Editor's Note: To minimize disruption to your baby's schedule when crossing time zones, you may want to keep one watch set
to your home time so you'll know what your baby is expecting next. Caring for a baby full time is stressful even while staying
home, much less at 30,000 feet in the air. If possible, travel with your mate, another relative, or a sitter.
Birthmarks
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
Last updated: November 2006
Highlights
What are birthmarks?
What do they look like and which ones are most common?
Do birthmarks require medical attention?
Can my baby's birthmark be removed?
What can I do to become more accepting of this situation?
Most birthmarks fall into one of two categories: vascular or pigmented. Vascular birthmarks are caused by blood vessels that
have accumulated below the surface of the skin. They range in color from pink to red to bluish, depending on the depth of the
blood vessels. Pigmented birthmarks — usually brown, gray, bluish, or black — result from an abnormal development of pigment
cells.
What do they look like and which ones are most common?
Birthmarks come in a wide range of shapes, sizes, and colors, and they can show up anywhere on the body. Some birthmarks
are referred to as nevi ("nevus" is the singular). The most common varieties are:
• "Stork bites," "angel kisses," salmon patches, and vascular stains: Blotchy pink or purple flat marks that are formed by dilated
capillaries near the surface of the skin. This is the most common type of birthmark, with up to 70 percent of babies having one or
more.
These birthmarks can become more noticeable when your baby cries or when there's a change in temperature. The ones on the
back of the neck, called stork bites, usually last into adulthood. The ones on the forehead or eyelids, called angel kisses, usually
go away by age 2.
• Café au lait spots: Tan or light brown flat patches that sometimes appear in multiples. Between 20 and 50 percent of newborns
have one or two of these pigmented birthmarks. They usually fade or get smaller as a child grows, although they may darken
with sun exposure.
• Moles: Clusters of pigment-making skin cells. Moles vary in size and may be flat or raised, black or brown, hairy or not. Many
moles don't show up until a child is a few years old.
Moles that are present at birth are called congenital nevi, or birthmark moles, and about 1 percent of babies have them. These
moles often start out flat and become slightly larger and more raised.
• Bluish or grayish Mongolian spots: Large, flat areas of extra pigment on the lower back or buttocks that are most common in
babies with dark skin: 95 to 100 percent of Asian, 90 to 95 percent of East African, 85 to 90 percent of Native American, and 50
to 70 percent of Hispanic babies have them. (Only 1 to 10 percent of Caucasian babies do.) Mongolian spots usually fade by
school age, although they may never disappear altogether.
• Port-wine stains, or nevus flammeus: Present at birth, these vascular birthmarks range from pale pink to dark purple and can
appear anywhere on the body, although they show up most often on the face or head. About 1 in 300 infants is born with a port-
wine stain.
Light port-wine stains might fade, but most endure and get bigger as the child grows. Sometimes port-wine stains can thicken
and darken (the birthmark on former Russian president Mikhail Gorbachev's head is one example). They can also form
cobblestones, or small lumps, on the surface of the skin over the course of decades.
• Hemangioma: This term is used to describe a variety of blood-vessel growths. These flat or raised lesions can be large and
disfiguring or small and not very noticeable.
Hemangiomas affect about 2 to 5 percent of babies and are more common in girls, preemies, and twins. Twenty percent of
children who have hemangiomas have more than one.
Hemangiomas occur mostly on the head and neck, and, unlike other birthmarks, they can grow rapidly. They usually show up
during the first six weeks of life — only 30 percent are visible at birth — and grow for about a year, usually getting no bigger than
2 or 3 inches.
Then, without treatment, they usually stop growing and begin to turn white and shrink. This reversal process can take three to
ten years. While many hemangiomas leave normal-looking skin in their wake, others can cause permanent skin changes.
One type of hemangioma, a superficial hemangioma (formerly called a strawberry hemangioma), appears on about 2 to 5
percent of babies. This raised pink-red mark tends to grow and then disappear — half are flat by age 5, and nine out of ten are
flat by age 9.
A deeper hemangioma (formerly called a cavernous hemangioma) appears as a lumpy bluish-red mass. It grows quickly in the
first six months and is usually gone by the time a child reaches his teens. Such hemangiomas are bluish in color because the
abnormal vessels are deeper than those in the superficial hemangioma.
There are a few exceptions, though. In fact, 40,000 U.S. children a year have birthmarks that need medical attention. So it's
important to have your child's healthcare provider take a look at all of your child's birthmarks. Potential problems include:
• Port-wine stains near the eye and cheek are sometimes associated with vision problems like glaucoma, or with seizures and
developmental delay. (This is known as Sturge-Weber syndrome.)
• Large hemangiomas, depending on where they're located, can interfere with eating, seeing, or breathing. Hemangiomas can
sometimes grow internally, threatening the health of an organ. Others can be cosmetically disfiguring.
• Birthmarks on the lower spine may extend beneath the skin and affect the nerves and blood flow to the spinal cord.
• Groups of six or more café au lait spots may be a sign of a genetic disorder called neurofibromatosis type 1 (NF-1). Children
with NF-1 usually have the spots at birth or by age 2, although the number may increase in childhood and occasionally later in
life. About 50 percent of people with NF-1 also have learning disabilities.
• Certain especially large moles that are present at birth have an increased risk of eventually becoming cancerous.
• Some prominent or disfiguring birthmarks can become psychologically damaging to a child over time.
Of course, the sight of a large hemangioma on your child's face can be distressing, and it's understandable if you want to do
something about it now. But because most of these birthmarks will fade by the time your child's ready for school, your doctor
may not recommend any special treatment.
Some experts have challenged this wait-and-see approach, arguing that early intervention to treat certain birthmarks can be
helpful because enough of them don't go away on their own. So you may want to get more than one opinion about treatment.
Treatment options
Depending on the birthmark, treatment options include surgery, laser therapy, and topical, oral, or injected steroids. Orlow says
that almost all surgical birthmark-removal treatments can cause some scarring.
While in the past port-wine stains could not be treated, the introduction of the first pulsed-dye laser 20 years ago revolutionized
the management of these birthmarks, especially on the face.
For more birthmark information and referrals, visit the website of the American Academy of Dermatology or the Vascular
Birthmark Foundation.
Moles
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
Last updated: March 2005
Highlights
What are moles?
Do moles change over time?
Are moles dangerous?
What should I watch for in my toddler's mole?
Should I have my toddler's mole removed?
Is there any way to prevent my child from developing moles?
About one in every hundred babies is born with a mole. These birthmark moles are called congenital nevi. Other types of moles
are most likely to develop in the first 20 years of life, though it's possible to get moles at any age.
Some moles are more dangerous than others. A congenital mole — one your toddler was born with — is more prone to
developing melanoma. Your doctor should examine any congenital moles at well-child visits and refer you to a dermatologist if
she thinks they need further evaluation. Read more about birthmark moles.
Another type of mole that's more likely to develop melanoma is a dysplastic nevi, or atypical mole. These are larger than a pencil
eraser and irregular in shape. Usually they have uneven color with lighter, uneven borders and dark brown centers. Sometimes
there are black dots at the edges. Your child's doctor or dermatologist will want to examine any atypical moles.
• A is for asymmetry — if one half of the mole doesn't match the other half
• B is for the border of the mole — if the edge of the mole is ragged, notched, or blurred in any way
• C is for color — if the mole is a mix of brown, black, and tan rather than one solid color throughout
• D is for diameter — if the mole is larger than a pencil eraser (about 6 mm).
If you notice any problem with the ABCDs, make an appointment with your child's doctor to have her examine the mole. Also, if
your child complains that the mole is itchy or it's growing noticeably, it's time to have the doctor take a look.
The result? Lots of sleep for your baby and a very irregular — and tiring — schedule for you. Your job is to respond to your
newborn's cues, so you'll probably be up several times during the night to change, feed, and comfort him.
What's going on
Baby sleep cycles are far shorter than those of adults, and babies spend more time in rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, which
is thought to be necessary for the extraordinary development happening in their brain. REM sleep is lighter than non-REM sleep,
and more easily disrupted.
All this unpredictability is a necessary phase for your baby and it doesn't last long — though it may seem like an eternity when
you're sleep-deprived.
What's next
At 6 to 8 weeks of age, most babies begin to sleep for shorter periods during the day and longer periods at night, though most
continue to wake up to feed during the night. They also have shorter periods of REM sleep, and longer periods of deep, non-
REM sleep.
Somewhere between 3 and 6 months, experts say, most babies are capable of sleeping through the night. They're not talking
about eight hours, though — they generally mean a stretch of five or six hours.
Some infants sleep for a long stretch at night as early as 6 weeks, but many babies don't reach that milestone until they're 5 or 6
months old and some continue to wake up at night into toddlerhood. You can help your baby get there sooner, if that's your goal,
by teaching him good sleep habits from the start.
Watch your baby for signs that he's tired. Is he rubbing his eyes, pulling on his ear, or developing faint dark circles under his
eyes? If you spot these or any other signs of sleepiness, try putting him down to sleep. You'll soon develop a sixth sense about
your baby's daily rhythms and patterns, and you'll know instinctively when he's ready for a nap.
When he's alert and awake during the day, interact with him as much as you can, keep the house and his room light and bright,
and don't worry about minimizing regular daytime noises like the phone, TV, or dishwasher. If he tends to sleep through feedings,
wake him up.
At night, don't play with him when he wakes up. Keep the lights and noise level low, and don't spend too much time talking to him.
Before long he should begin to figure out that nighttime is for sleeping.
Mindell advises against rocking or nursing your baby to sleep, even at this young age. "Parents think that what they do this early
doesn't have an effect," she says, "but it does. Babies are learning their sleep habits. If you rock your child to sleep every night
for the first eight weeks, why would he expect anything different later on?"
Not everyone agrees with this strategy, however. Some parents choose to rock or nurse their babies to sleep because they
believe it's normal and natural, because they enjoy it and their baby is thriving and sleeping well, or simply because nothing else
seems to work.
This doesn't mean you should suddenly impose a rigid sleep program on your 3- or 4-month-old. In fact, your baby may already
have developed sleep patterns that fit in well with your family life. But if you'd like to help your baby sleep longer at a stretch and
keep more regular hours, now might be a good time to try some type of sleep training.
Keep in mind that every baby is on a unique developmental schedule. Observe how your child reacts to sleep training, and if she
doesn't seem ready, slow down and try again in a few weeks.
Sleeping through the night
At some point between 3 and 6 months, most babies are capable of sleeping through the night. We're not talking about eight
hours, though. "Through the night" at this age generally means a stretch of five or six hours (though some children will sleep
much longer).
This may not sound like much if you're hoping for eight or nine hours of sleep yourself. But it's an important milestone for you as
well as your baby, allowing you to get through a few sleep cycles and feel more rested in the morning.
If your baby isn't yet sleeping five or six hours straight, you're not alone. Many babies still wake up more than once at night for
feedings in the 3- to 6-month stage. But by 6 months, if not before, your baby's likely to be ready for night weaning, if that's what
you choose.
Waking up again
If your baby already sleeps for long periods at night, enjoy it. But babies who've slept through the night for weeks or months may
start to wake up again — so don't be surprised if you're suddenly getting up every couple of hours again.
It can be frustrating and puzzling if your baby does this, but she has her reasons. She may be increasingly socially aware and
wake up crying for your company. Or she may be working so hard to master new skills, like rolling over or sitting up, that she
practices in her sleep and wakes herself up.
Establish a set bedtime and regular nap times — and stick to them.
When your baby was a newborn, you knew it was bedtime when you started noticing signs of sleepiness (eye-rubbing, ear-
pulling, and so on). Now that she's a little older, you should establish a regular bedtime, as well as consistent nap times, to
regulate her sleep patterns.
Some babies naturally nod off by 6 every night. Others still seem wide awake at 8 or later. And of course your household routine
will influence her sleep schedule, too.
Choose a reasonable bedtime that suits your family's schedule and stick to it as much as possible. If your baby seems to want to
stay up past bedtime, consider this: Energetic behavior late at night can be a sign that a child is tired.
You can start to plan naps for a specific time every day, too, such as at 9 a.m., noon, and 3 p.m. Or you can just put your baby
down about two hours after she last woke up. As long as she's getting enough opportunities to sleep, either approach is fine.
If your baby's having a hard time getting to sleep or staying asleep, whether during naps or at night, try putting her down sooner.
Being too tired can make it hard to settle down and get restful sleep.
Whatever routine works for your family is fine, as long as you do it in the same order and at the same time every night. Babies
thrive on consistency.
The ability to get back to sleep is key when it comes to snoozing through the night. Some babies seem to do this naturally. But if
your baby doesn't, it's a skill she'll have to master. One way to get her started is to put her down when she's drowsy but awake.
If your baby needs more help and you think she's ready, you can try a more involved method of sleep training. Your options
include various no-cry and cry-it-out techniques. What will work best for you depends on your parenting style, your personal
beliefs, and your child's particular needs.
Between the ages of 6 and 9 months, many babies consolidate their daytime sleep into two naps, one in the morning and one in
the afternoon. Don't be concerned, though, if your baby continues to take three naps a day. Keeping consistent times for bedtime
and naps will help regulate his sleep patterns.
If your baby isn't yet sleeping at least five or six hours straight, you're not alone. Many babies still wake up at night for feedings in
the 6- to 9-month stage — though most are ready for night weaning, if that's what you choose. But babies this age don't
necessarily wake up because they're hungry.
We all wake up several times every night for brief periods of time. And as adults, we put ourselves back to sleep each time — so
quickly we don't even remember it in the morning. If your baby hasn't mastered this skill, he'll wake up and cry during the night
even if he's not hungry.
Waking up again
Babies who were great sleepers may suddenly start waking up at night or have difficulty falling asleep between 6 and 12 months
of age. Why? Sleep disturbances often go hand-in-hand with reaching major milestones in cognitive and motor development and
with separation anxiety.
At 6 to 9 months, your baby may be learning to sit up, crawl, or possibly even cruise or walk — quite a list of achievements! Not
surprisingly, he may not want to stop practicing his new skills at bedtime and may get so excited that he'll wake up to try sitting
up just one more time.
Separation anxiety could also be the cause of your baby's wake-up calls. Waking up and finding you not there may cause some
distress. But he'll probably calm down as soon as you enter the room and greet him.
Whether your routine includes giving your baby a bath, playing a quiet game, getting your child ready for bed, reading a bedtime
story or two, or singing a lullaby, make sure you do it in the same order and at the same time every night. Babies like having
routines and schedules they can count on.
Take a week or two to help him practice getting "unstuck," not necessarily in his crib but wherever you're spending time together.
Make it a game — sit him up and then lay him down. Do the same with standing, helping your baby sit down at first and then
encouraging him to do it on his own.
Baby sleep basics: 9 to 12 months
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
Last updated: February 2007
Highlights
Typical sleep at this age
How you can establish healthy sleep habits
If your baby's still waking up at night for feedings, she's probably ready for night weaning, if that's what you choose. But babies
this age don't necessarily wake up because they're hungry.
We all wake up several times every night for brief periods of time. And as adults, we put ourselves back to sleep each time — so
quickly we don't even remember it in the morning. If your baby hasn't mastered this skill, she'll wake up and cry during the night
even if she's not hungry.
Waking up again
Don't be surprised if your sound sleeper suddenly becomes a night owl or has a hard time falling asleep at this age. Why? Sleep
disturbances often go hand-in-hand with reaching major milestones in cognitive and motor development and with separation
anxiety.
At 9 to 12 months, your baby's likely to be crawling, pulling up, and learning to walk. And because she's refining and expanding
on these skills, she may wake up at night to practice or be too excited to fall asleep. If she can't soothe herself back to sleep,
she'll end up crying for you.
Separation anxiety could also be the cause of your baby's wake-up calls. Waking up and finding you not there may cause some
distress. But she'll probably calm down as soon as you enter the room and greet her.
Make sure your baby finds the routine soothing. For example, if she hates taking baths, move them earlier in the day. Or sing
songs if she'd rather chew on a book than be read to. Just be sure to follow the same routine every night. Children thrive on
consistency and feel more secure when they know what to expect.
Expert Answers
The BabyCenter Editorial Team
When babies are able to sleep through the night and when they actually do are often very different things. Some infants as
young as 3 months old can snooze for six to eight hours at a stretch. Others won't sleep this long until they're 12 months. But
most babies (70 percent) do sleep through the night by the time they hit 9 months, according to the National Sleep Foundation.
Not that "sleeping through the night" means a full night of uninterrupted sleep for you. "'Through the night' is defined as from
midnight until five o'clock in the morning," says Judith Owens, a pediatrician and director of the Pediatric Sleep Disorders Clinic
at Hasbro Children's Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island.
You may have heard that bigger babies and babies who eat solids are better sleepers — but it's not true. Your baby's ability to
sleep through the night is related to age, not size or diet.
There's no research to prove that adding rice cereal to the evening bottle, for instance, will help your baby sleep better or longer.
In fact, this practice is a choking hazard, and offering solids too early can deprive your baby of the necessary nutrients in breast
milk or formula. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that babies be exclusively breastfed for the first four to
six months.
You play a big part in your baby's sleep habits. "Put her to bed drowsy but awake by the time she's 4 months old," says Owens.
"This will help her avoid developing a dependence on you to fall asleep and make it easier for her to fall back to sleep on her
own when she wakes at night."
In his 1985 book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (revised and expanded in 2006), pediatrician Richard Ferber presented one
method of getting children to sleep that has become virtually synonymous with CIO — so much so that you'll hear parents refer
to any CIO method as "Ferberizing."
Ferber himself never uses the term "cry it out." And he's only one of a number of sleep experts who say that crying — while not
the goal — is for some children an unavoidable part of sleep training.
The idea is that if your child gets used to having you rock him to sleep, or he always falls asleep while nursing, he won't learn to
fall asleep on his own. When he wakes up during the night — as all children and adults do as part of the natural sleep cycle —
he'll become alarmed and cry for you instead of being able to go back to sleep.
By contrast, if your baby learns to soothe himself to sleep at bedtime, he can use the same skill when he wakes up at night or
during a nap.
Crying isn't the goal of this sleep training method, but advocates say it's often an inevitable side effect as your baby adjusts to
sleeping on his own. They say the short-term pain of a few tears is far outweighed by the long-term advantages: a child who
goes to sleep easily and happily on his own, and parents who can count on a good night's rest.
Ferber is perhaps the most well known expert who advocates a CIO-style sleep training method, but he's not alone.
Pediatrician Marc Weissbluth, author of the popular book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, doesn't endorse CIO per se, but
says that crying may be a necessary part of helping some children develop healthy sleep habits.
BabyCenter sleep expert Jodi Mindell, author of Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get
a Good Night's Sleep, is often called a kinder, gentler Ferber. Her "basic bedtime method" is a variation on Ferber's classic
progressive-waiting technique.
If you're not sure whether your baby's ready, you can always give it a try. If you encounter too much resistance, wait a few weeks
and try again.
Step 1
Put your baby in his crib when he's sleepy but still awake.
Step 2
Say goodnight to your child and leave the room. If he cries when you leave, let him cry for a predetermined amount of time. (See
"How long should I leave my child alone?" below.)
Step 3
Go back into the room for no more than a minute or two to pat and reassure your baby. Leave the light off and keep your voice
quiet and soothing. Don't pick him up. Leave again while he's still awake, even if he's crying.
Step 4
Stay out of the room for a little bit longer than the first time and follow the same routine, staying out of the room for gradually
longer intervals, each time returning for only a minute or two to pat and reassure him, and leaving while he's still awake.
Step 5
Follow this routine until your child falls asleep when you're out of the room.
Step 6
If your child wakes up again later, follow the same routine, beginning with the minimum waiting time for that night and gradually
increasing the intervals between visits until you reach the maximum for that night.
Step 7
Increase the amount of time between visits to the nursery each night. In most cases, according to Ferber, your baby will be going
to sleep on his own by the third or fourth night — a week at the most. If your child is very resistant after several nights of trying,
wait a few weeks and then try again.
• First night: Leave for three minutes the first time, five minutes the second time, and ten minutes for the third and all
subsequent waiting periods.
• Second night: Leave for five minutes, then ten minutes, then 12 minutes.
• Make the intervals longer on each subsequent night.
Keep in mind that there's nothing magical about these waiting periods. You can choose any length of time you feel comfortable
with.
Practical tips for trying a CIO method from parents and experts
• Set the stage for success before you try a CIO method by developing a bedtime routine and sticking to it. For
example, a bath, a book, a lullaby, then to bed, at the same time every night. This way your child knows exactly what to
expect.
• Develop a solid plan and make sure you and your partner are prepared before you begin sleep training — both
practically and emotionally.
On the practical side, it's probably not a good idea to launch your sleep plan if your partner is about to take off on a business trip,
for example, or if your in-laws are coming for a visit.
On the emotional side, talk the plan over with your partner and make sure you both understand and agree on how to proceed.
That way you'll be able to support each other if you run into rough patches.
• Once you launch your plan, stick to it. Parents who've been through sleep training agree that consistency is the
key. Unless you realize that your child simply isn't physically or emotionally ready and you decide to put the program on hold
for a while, follow through with it for a couple of weeks. When your baby wakes you up at 2 a.m., you may be tempted to give
in and hold or rock him, but if you do, your hard work will be wasted and you'll have to start over from square one.
• Plan to lose a little sleep. Begin the CIO method on a night when it won't matter if you miss a little sleep. For
example, if you work all week, you might want to start on a Friday night, so you'll be able to catch up on lost sleep by the time
Monday comes around.
• Prepare yourself for a few difficult nights. Hearing your baby cry can be excruciating, as every parent knows.
During the waiting periods, set a timer and go to a different part of the house, or turn on some music, so you don't have to
hear every whimper. As one BabyCenter parents says, "The first couple of nights could be rough for you. Try to relax and
know that when it's all over, everyone in your household is going to sleep more easily and happily."
• Make it a team effort. During waiting periods, do something enjoyable with your partner, like play cards or listen to
music. If you find the crying intolerable after a while, let your partner take over so you can take a walk or a warm bath. When
you're refreshed, you can give your partner a break.
• Adapt the method to fit your family. If you want to try a method like this but find it too harsh, you can use a more
gradual approach. For instance, you can stretch out Ferber's seven-day program over 14 days, increasing the wait every
other night rather than every night. Remember your primary objective: To give yourself and your child a good night's rest.
In the end, no approach to baby sleep works for everyone. A technique that's perfect for one child may be completely ineffective
with another, even another child in the same family. So just because your best friend or your sister had good luck with a CIO
method doesn't mean it's right for you. And even if it works with your first child, it may not do the trick with your second.
Parents' voices
"It worked for me."
I have two kids. The first one was never left to cry it out — we rocked, sung, walked, drove her to sleep until she was old enough
to be read a story. Then, with baby number two, I decided to try CIO...and after one night, it worked. At 12 months, she goes to
sleep at night by herself and never cries. It was the best thing I did — my husband was against it, but he wasn't the one up four
or five times every night for nine months straight! Now our household is very happy and everybody sleeps well.
— Lisa P.
My daughter woke every hour on the hour in her crib. I tried every other method available. Finally, at 7 months, we let her cry it
out. It took three to four weeks to complete the sleep training and even though it was the hardest thing I've had to do thus far, it
was so worth it. She now sleeps about ten hours a night and loves her crib. We're both happier and have more energy to play.
— Samantha
My 5-month-old was waking every two hours at night. I was so tired I wanted to die. I finally caved in, put in earplugs, and let him
cry it out — which he did, all night! But then, something amazing happened the next night: He slept a full 12 hours and awoke
rosy and cheerful. It's been that way ever since, and he's even a better napper now. I know that it is hard to listen to your
precious little one cry, but a sleep-deprived, miserable mom and baby is a terrible thing too.
— Anonymous
My son "cried it out" for 40 minutes one night and now sleeps through every single night so peacefully. I don't think those lone 40
minutes were torture when you consider the payoff: He's better rested, and I'm energized and in a positive frame of mind each
day with my kids.
— Hilary
My well-meaning friends are all Ferber addicts. I went against my own instincts with our son and tried with no success. They
promised it would get better each night, but on the third night he cried for three hours, much longer than the first two. I felt like a
failure and, of course, stressed from all of his crying. Babies have their own personalities, and you shouldn't feel pressured into
doing something that "works for everyone else."
— Kelly
We tried the Ferber method with our daughter at 6 months. The first night was awful. The second night was easier. The third
night was worse — she got so upset that she threw up. So now she's in bed with us, we love having her with us, and I still feel
awful for those three terrible nights when we were all miserable.
— A loving mom
As a last resort, I broke down and gave Ferber a try. It's been two and a half weeks and I see no real improvement. My daughter
goes down faster at night, but the crying breaks my heart. I miss snuggling with her. She still wakes up every 30 to 90 minutes
after her first two-hour stretch. She shrieks when it's time for a nap. I broke down and nursed her to sleep for her afternoon nap
because I couldn't stand to see her so exhausted.
— Guilt-ridden and anxious mom
I've been struggling and struggling with the "cry it out" method. We let our baby cry for several nights and it never led to falling
asleep. She only got more agitated and upset. She can usually fall asleep if I get her drowsy by rocking, singing, etc., and we
have a bedtime routine. If she cries, it signals to me that she needs more help falling asleep.
— Amy M.
In response to concerns like these, Ferber says that a baby who's given lots of attention and love during the day can be left
alone at night without suffering lasting harm.
"A young child cannot yet understand what is best for him, and he may cry if he does not get what he wants," Ferber writes. "If
he wanted to play with a sharp knife, you would not give it to him no matter how hard he cried, and you would not feel guilty or
worry about psychological consequences. Poor sleep patterns are also harmful for your child and it is your job to correct them."
At the same time, your baby has other important needs. Few things are more satisfying and reassuring to a baby than being held
and fed in a parent's arms. If you've recently gone back to work and are less available during the day, your baby may want to
nurse or take a bottle at night as a way of reconnecting with you. And you may notice that your baby wakes up more often when
he's teething or going through a developmental change.
For all these reasons, it's important to approach the weaning process gradually and gently, keeping in mind that your baby is still
young and has a tremendous need for comfort, closeness, and reassurance — particularly from you.
If you enjoy nursing or giving a bottle to your baby at night, there's no reason to stop — he'll eventually quit on his own. On the
other hand, if you find yourself feeling grumpy and exhausted — and your baby's physically ready for the change — maybe it's
time.
If you're not sure whether your baby's ready, talk to your doctor.
Pediatrician William Sears, on the other hand, emphasizes the benefits of night feedings for the bond between parent and child.
Sears urges parents not to rush to night wean, as long as the feedings aren't too disruptive to the family. In The Baby Sleep
Book, Sears offers strategies like sleep sharing and nursing while lying down to make night feedings easier for parents.
In the end, as with all parenting decisions, you should do what's best for you and your family.
• Make sure your baby gets plenty to eat throughout the day. As your baby grows and becomes more active, he may not want to
stop to nurse or take a bottle during the day, and he may try to make up for it at night. To make sure he gets enough to eat, take
scheduled breaks during the day for a quiet bottle or nursing session in a place with no distractions.
• Offer your child extra feedings in the evening so he won't be hungry in the middle of the night. You may even want to wake him
for a final feeding before you go to bed yourself.
• If your baby's bottlefed and at least 6 months old, you can gradually dilute the nighttime bottles with water. Start by substituting
water for one quarter of the milk. Gradually use more water over subsequent nights until, eventually, the bottle contains only
water. Your baby may be less inclined to wake up for a bottle of water.
• Don't try to night wean your baby during a time of transition — for example, if you're just about to return to work or take a family
vacation. If you've recently become less available during the day, make sure to give your baby extra cuddle time when you're
together, so he'll feel more connected and be less likely to seek comfort in the middle of the night.
• Have your partner comfort your baby when he cries during the night. If you're the one caring for him at night, the smell of you or
your breast milk is likely to make your baby want to feed. If you're sleep sharing, try having your partner sleep between you and
your baby.
• Gradually eliminate feedings, one at a time. Gently soothe and comfort your baby when he wakes to feed, and explain that it's
sleepy time, not feeding time. Tell him he can nurse or have his bottle in the morning, and now's the time for sleep. Speak firmly
and gently while patting his back or tummy. Even though he's too young to understand your words, he'll gradually understand the
meaning, and your presence will soothe him. In many cases, babies cry only a little for a night or two before adapting to the new
system.
• If you try to eliminate feedings and your baby cries inconsolably for several nights in a row, go back to your normal routine and
try again in a week or two.
Parents' voices
I moved my daughter into her own room at 11 weeks, and she did well with two night feedings of no more than five minutes each.
During a trip out of town, she shared a bed with my husband and me for five nights and woke up a minimum of five times a night
to nurse, with some feedings lasting over 45 minutes. I figured out that it was my close proximity that kept waking her up. I
suggest that if you can't put your baby in her own crib, create some distance between you when you sleep. Your scent and
presence is too tempting for her to sleep soundly. I try to sleep with my back to my baby or with my husband between us. This
helps most of the time when I want to have her close to me at night.
— Rose
At 6 months old, my son all of a sudden started his night waking again. I tried to resist feeding him, but as soon as I got him back
to sleep and put him down he would start crying again. Then one night, when I could no longer take it, my husband went in and
rocked him back to sleep and he didn't wake up again until morning. The next night I sent my husband in again and the same
thing happened. I think my son associates me with his feedings so he expects me to feed him when I come to him in the middle
of the night.
— Jackie
I find that my 2-month-old breastfed baby sleeps longer at night if I feed him more often in the evening. By bedtime, he has a full
tummy. His last feeding is at midnight, and he'll sleep up to six hours. I also noticed that once I cut out all caffeine from my diet
and stopped eating sweets after 3 p.m., he started to sleep longer at night.
— Linda
I've been breastfeeding my son since birth, but to get him to sleep longer at night, I give him a little formula at his last feeding.
Instead of nursing, I pump. I have quite a supply built up in the freezer! I don't think the small amount of formula he's being given
really affects our breastfeeding relationship, and the extra sleep is good for us both.
— Dani
I broke my 2-month-old of night feedings by offering him his pacifier instead of my breast. After a few days, he stopped waking
up to be fed at night.
— Liz
Follow your instincts when it comes to feeding in the middle of the night: If it feels right to you, continue. In America, we're so
quick to make babies sleep alone. In other countries, babies stay with their mothers a lot longer. This time will go by so quickly,
and eventually he won't be nursing at all, so enjoy it, day or night.
— Olivet
I've had night waking issues with all three of my breastfed babies but for different reasons. My oldest woke because of
developmental milestones, my middle one woke purely to eat, and my youngest is 9 months and still not sleeping through the
night because of separation anxiety. Every baby is unique and has different needs. There's no easy answer — just tune in to
your child.
— Becky
Recovering from a cesarean delivery
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
Last updated: January 2009
Highlights
How will I feel after a cesarean delivery?
What will I get for postpartum pain relief?
What's recovery like during the first few days?
What's recovery like after I leave the hospital?
How active should I expect to be?
What will my scar be like?
Emotionally speaking, what should I expect?
C-section patients typically stay just three or four days in the hospital before going home. But your recovery will be measured in
weeks, not days, so once home you'll need help taking care of yourself and your new baby. What's more, if you have other
children, they may be feeling needy after you've been away from them for a few days, to say nothing of the fact that you're
returning home with a new baby! Plan to get all the help you can.
Once your regional analgesia is no longer providing adequate pain relief, you'll be given systemic pain medication, usually pills
containing a narcotic and possibly acetaminophen. It may help to take ibuprofen, too. You'll also be given a stool softener to
counteract the constipating effect of the narcotic.
If you have general anesthesia for your surgery or you don't get a dose of morphine through your spinal or epidural afterward,
you'll be given systemic narcotics for immediate postpartum pain relief. You'll either get a shot of pain medication every three to
four hours or you'll use a system called "patient-controlled analgesia": You push a button when you're feeling discomfort that
delivers medication through your IV. A machine controls the doses so you don't get more than what's safe.
In any case, don't be shy about asking your nurse for more medication if you're uncomfortable. You don't need to suffer in
silence, and the longer you wait to ask for the medication you need, the harder it is to control pain in the end.
If the medication that's been ordered for you isn't covering your pain, let your nurse know. If the nurse can't help you, ask to see
an obstetrician or anesthesiologist. The more comfortable you are, the easier it'll be to breastfeed your baby and to get moving
again.
If you plan to breastfeed, you can start in the recovery room right after surgery. Ask the nurse to show you how to nurse in the
side-lying position or using the football hold, so there won't be pressure on your incision.
Breastfeeding can be challenging in the days after a c-section because of the pain from a healing incision. Ask to see a lactation
consultant as soon as possible to help you position your baby comfortably so you don't end up with sore nipples. If the hospital
doesn't have a lactation consultant, ask for the nurse who's the resident expert.
You may feel numbness and soreness at the incision site, and the scar will be slightly raised, puffy, and darker than your natural
skin tone. Your doctor will come by daily to see how you're doing and check that the wound is healing properly.
Anything that puts pressure on the abdominal area will probably be painful at first, but you'll feel a bit better day-by-day. Be sure
to use your hands or a pillow to support your incision when you cough, sneeze, or laugh.
Your nurse will come by every few hours at first to check on you and help you. She'll take your vital signs, feel your belly to make
sure your uterus is firm, and assess the amount of vaginal bleeding. Like any woman who just delivered a baby, you'll have a
vaginal discharge called lochia, which consists of blood and sloughed-off tissue from the lining of your uterus. For the first three
or four days, it will be bright red.
Your nurse will also instruct you on how to cough or do breathing exercises to expand your lungs and clear them of any
accumulated fluid, which is particularly important if you've had general anesthesia. This will reduce the risk of pneumonia.
If everything's okay, your nurse will remove your IV and urinary catheter, usually within 12 hours of surgery, and you'll likely be
able to start eating bland, mild foods if you feel like it.
You might have some gas pain and bloating during the first two days. Gas tends to build up because the intestines are sluggish
after surgery. Getting up and moving around will help your digestive system get going again.
If you're in great discomfort, the nurse may give you some over-the-counter medication that contains simethicone, a substance
that allows gas bubbles to come together more easily, making the gas easier to expel. Simethicone is safe to take while
breastfeeding.
You may be encouraged to get out of bed the day of surgery and certainly by the next day. (Do not, however, attempt to get up
by yourself. The nurse should be at your side the first time.) In the meantime, get the blood going in your legs by wiggling your
feet, rotating your ankles, and moving and stretching your legs.
Just walking to the bathroom may seem impossible at first, but moving around is important for your recovery. It will help your
circulation and make it much less likely that you'll develop blood clots. What's more, it will make your bowels less sluggish, which
will help you feel a whole lot more comfortable sooner.
It's also important to get to the bathroom to urinate regularly. A full bladder makes it harder for the uterus to stay contracted and
increases pressure on the wound.
By the second day, you should be taking a couple of short walks with help from your partner or a nurse. Try to take your walks a
short time after you've taken pain medication, when you're likely to feel more comfortable.
In three to four days, your doctor will probably remove your sutures or staples. This takes just minutes, and you may feel a small
pinch but no pain. After that, if all's well, you'll be sent home.
You'll likely be given a prescription for more painkillers and a stool softener before you leave the hospital. You may need
prescription painkillers for up to a week after surgery, gradually transitioning to over-the-counter pain relievers. (If you're
breastfeeding, don't take aspirin or drugs containing acetylsalicylic acid.)
Drink plenty of fluids to help you avoid constipation. Your incision will likely feel better day-by-day, quite noticeably so after
several days, though it may continue to be tender for several weeks.
For more information on warning signs of a medical problem in the weeks after delivery, see our article on when to call your
practitioner.
Start slowly and increase your activity gradually. Since you're recovering from major abdominal surgery, your belly will feel sore
for some time. Take it easy and avoid heavy household work or lifting anything heavier than your baby for eight weeks.
In six to eight weeks, you'll be able to start exercising moderately – but wait until your caregiver gives you the go-ahead. It may
be several months before you're back to your former fit self. You'll be able to resume sexual intercourse in about six weeks if
you're feeling comfortable enough, with your caregiver's okay.
A c-section incision is only 4 to 6 inches long and about 1/8 inch wide. As the incision site continues to heal, your scar will more
closely match your skin color and will narrow to about 1/16 inch wide. It might be itchy while it's healing.
C-section scars are usually very low on the abdomen. A low-lying scar will eventually be hidden by your pubic hair, probably way
below the waistband of your underwear or bikini bottom.
Some women who end up in surgery after a long, drawn-out labor feel a sense of relief, while others are upset that they ended
up with a c-section after doing all that work. And others have mixed emotions.
Some moms say they feel cheated out of a vaginal delivery, especially if they took childbirth classes and fantasized about the
"ideal birth." Others say they feel as if they're somehow less of a woman because they needed a c-section.
All of these feelings are common and may be difficult to resolve. If you feel this way, it may take some time to reconcile the
reality of your birth experience with what you'd imagined during your pregnancy.
It might help to know that many women find their baby's birth, whether vaginal or c-section, very different from what they
expected. If you have nagging doubts about whether the surgery was really necessary, talk to your practitioner about it and ask
her to review the decision with you.
Remember that you're also likely to have the range of emotions common to most mothers during the postpartum period,
regardless of how they gave birth. Postpartum blues are common, whether you had a c-section or a vaginal birth. If you're feeling
really blue, seek help. You may be suffering from postpartum depression.
Finally, you may be frustrated if it seems to be taking you a long time to recover. Remember that just healing from the surgery is
likely to take a significant amount of time and energy. Add to that all the postpartum changes your body is going through – along
with your new round-the-clock parenting responsibilities – and you're bound to be in less-than-top condition for a while.
Try to cut yourself some slack and be patient. In time, you'll be feeling better and enjoying life with your new baby.
Body changes after childbirth
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
Last updated: January 2009
Highlights
How long will it take for my uterus to shrink?
How much weight will I lose right after giving birth?
How come I can't tell when I need to pee?
Will my vagina and perineum ever get back to normal?
What's this vaginal discharge?
What should I expect if I'm breastfeeding?
What will it be like if I'm not breastfeeding?
Why am I feeling so moody?
Why am I losing my hair?
What's going on with my skin?
These contractions cause the placenta to separate from the uterine wall. After the placenta is delivered, the uterus clamps down
even more, closing off open blood vessels in the area where the placenta was attached. As the uterus continues to contract, you
may feel cramps known as afterpains.
For the first couple of days after birth, you can feel the top of your uterus at or a few finger widths below the level of your belly
button. In a week your uterus weighs about a pound - half of what it weighed at delivery. After two weeks it's down to a mere 11
ounces and located entirely within your pelvis. By four to six weeks, it should be close to its pre-pregnancy weight of about 2.5
ounces. This process is called involution of the uterus.
Even after your uterus shrinks back into your pelvis, you may continue to look somewhat pregnant for several weeks or longer.
That's because your abdominal muscles get stretched out during pregnancy, and it will take time – and regular exercise – to get
your belly back in shape.
The weight keeps coming off, too. All the extra water that your cells retained during pregnancy, along with fluid from the extra
blood you had in your pregnant body, will be looking for a way out.
So you'll produce more urine than usual in the days after birth — an astounding 3 quarts a day. And you may perspire a lot, too.
By the end of the first week, you'll lose about 4 pounds of water weight. (The amount varies depending on how much water you
retained during pregnancy.)
If too much urine accumulates in your bladder, you might have a hard time making it to the toilet without leaking. What's more,
your bladder could become over-distended. This can cause urinary problems and also makes it harder for your uterus to contract,
leading to more afterpains and bleeding.
If you can't pee within a few hours after giving birth, a catheter will be put in your bladder to drain the urine. (If you deliver by c-
section, you'll have a urinary catheter for the surgery and the following 12 hours or so.)
Let the nurse know if you're having difficulty urinating or are only producing a small amount of urine when you pee. If your
bladder gets too full, it can actually prevent you from being able to urinate.
If you had an episiotomy or a tear, your perineum needs time to heal so wait to start having sex again until you get the okay from
your practitioner at your postpartum checkup. If you continue to have tenderness in that area, delay intercourse until you feel
ready. In the meantime, figure out what you want to do for contraception. When you do feel ready (both physically and
emotionally) to have sex again, be sure to go slowly.
When you start having intercourse, you'll probably find that you have less vaginal lubrication than you did when you were
pregnant, due to lower levels of estrogen. This dryness will be even more pronounced if you're breastfeeding, because nursing
tends to keep estrogen levels down. Using a lubricant is a big help. (Be sure to buy a water-based lubricant, particularly if you're
using a barrier method because oil-based lubricants can weaken latex, which can cause a condom to break or ruin a diaphragm.)
For the first few days after birth, the lochia contains a fair amount of blood, so it will be bright red and look like a heavy menstrual
period. You'll likely have a bit less discharge each day, and by two to four days after you've given birth, the lochia will be more
watery and pinkish in color.
By about ten days after you've given birth, you'll have only a small amount of white or yellow-white discharge, which will taper off
over the next two to four weeks. Some women may continue to have scant lochia or intermittent spotting for a few more weeks.
If those first breastfeeding sessions cause some abdominal cramping, it's because oxytocin also triggers uterine contractions.
When your milk comes in, usually a few days after delivery, your breasts may get swollen, tender, hard, and uncomfortably full.
This is called engorgement and it should get better in a day or two.
Nursing your baby often is the best thing you can do for relief. In fact, frequent nursing right from the beginning sometimes
prevents engorgement altogether.
If you need to, you can take acetaminophen or ibuprofen for pain relief. If you're extremely uncomfortable, you can express just
enough milk to make the situation more tolerable. This may prolong the process, however, because stimulating your nipples and
emptying your breasts signals your body to make more milk. Avoid applying warmth to your breasts since this, too, can
encourage milk production.
If the feeling doesn't go away on its own in the first few weeks or you find that you're feeling worse rather than better, be sure to
call your caregiver. You may be suffering from postpartum depression, a more serious problem that requires treatment.
During pregnancy, high estrogen levels may prolong your hair's growing phase, causing less to fall out than usual. After you give
birth, your estrogen levels tumble and you begin to shed more. Over time, the rate of new growth and shedding will return to
what it once was. Your hair should be back to its pre-pregnancy thickness about six to 12 months after you give birth.
On the bright side, if you suffered from excess facial and body hair during pregnancy (the result of an increase in hormones
called androgens), you can expect to lose that hair three to six months after having your baby.
If you have chloasma (darkened patches of skin on your lips, nose, cheeks, or forehead), it'll begin to fade in the months after
giving birth and probably go away completely, as long as you protect your skin from the sun. Any stretch marks you developed
will gradually become lighter in color, though they won't disappear altogether.
Expert Answers
Martin N. Simenc, child safety expert
It doesn't take much work to keep a newborn safe. At this age, a baby's too small to get into much trouble on his own. He's not
ready to stick buttons in his mouth or climb out of his crib, and it will be quite a few months before he starts toddling toward the
stairs.
Still, it's not too early to make safety a top priority. Even before your baby arrives, you can learn how to handle the hidden
dangers for newborns.
Safe sleeping: To reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), newborns should sleep on their back on a firm
mattress. Don't let your baby sleep with anything soft and cushy like a pillow, sheepskin, comforter, or plush toy.
A warm one-piece outfit, or sleeper, is a safer choice than a blanket, which could cover his head and restrict his ability to breathe.
Using crib bumpers is discouraged for the same reason.
The mattress should fit tightly so your baby can't get trapped between it and the side of crib. Make sure that the crib doesn't have
any missing or broken parts or any gaps greater than the width of a soda can.
• Get more information on the safest bedding and sleepwear for babies.
Safe diaper changes: Even the smallest babies can find a way to roll off a changing table if left unattended. Buy a table with
safety straps or add straps to your current table.
Even if your baby is strapped in, you should never leave him alone. (That phone call can wait.) You can avoid the risk of falling
entirely by changing your baby on the floor using a receiving blanket or an unfolded cloth diaper as a changing pad.
Safe bathing: Whether you wash your baby in a baby bathtub, a sink, or a tub, never leave him unattended for a second. Once
he's sitting up, a bath seat may seem like a handy safety device, but it can create a false sense of security. Hundreds of babies
have drowned after tipping over or slipping out of their bath seats.
• Keep heavy or breakable objects out of reach. Move objects such as picture frames and ceramic figurines away
from the changing table and crib so your child can't knock them over.
• Place baby furniture away from hazards. Keep cribs and changing tables away from windows, window cords, and
hanging mobiles to prevent your child from getting tangled, suffocating, or falling out the window.
• Secure unstable furniture. Make sure tall or unstable pieces of furniture are securely braced to the wall, especially
if you live in an earthquake-prone area.
• Prevent falls. When you have a baby in your arms, a simple trip or fall can be disastrous. To help prevent falls, use
lots of nightlights, put fresh carpet grips under your rugs, keep clutter off the floor, and fix or install stair railings.
Make your home fire-safe. Place functional smoke detectors in each bedroom, in the adjacent hallway, and on each level of
your home. If your smoke detectors are more than ten years old, replace them. You should have at least one fire extinguisher on
each floor of your house and a carbon monoxide detector next to the sleeping areas.
Milestone charts: What you can expect from birth to e-mail
age 3 print
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board share
Last updated: September 2006
Babies grow in such unique ways: The baby who sits up weeks before her peers might be one of the last to learn how to crawl.
Or the 18-month-old who's still communicating with grunts and gestures suddenly bursts forth with prepositional phrases at 2
years. That's why we created this series of charts.
Since babies aren't identical — thank goodness! — the charts allow for variations in stages of development. Use them to gain
insight into what you're observing in your baby today and to preview what you can look forward to in the months ahead.
One thing you shouldn't use the charts for, however, is grist for the worry mill. Each chart is meant as a guide, not as a source of
concern.
Child's Mastered Skills Emerging Skills (half of Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Age (most kids can do) kids can do)
3 months • Recognizes your • Squeals, gurgles, coos • Rolls over, from tummy to back
face and scent • Blows bubbles • Turns toward loud sounds
• Holds head steady • Recognizes your voice • Can bring hands together, bats at toys
• Visually tracks • Does mini-pushup
moving objects
4 months • Smiles, laughs • Can grasp a toy • Imitates sounds: "baba," "dada"
• Can bear weight • Rolls over, from tummy • Cuts first tooth
on legs to back • May be ready for solid foods
• Coos when you
talk to him
6 months • Turns toward • Is ready for solid foods • Lunges forward or starts crawling
sounds and voices • Sits without support • Jabbers or combines syllables
• Imitates sounds • Mouths objects • Drags objects toward himself
• Rolls over in both • Passes objects from
directions hand to hand
Child's Mastered Skills Emerging Skills (half of Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Age (most kids can do) kids can do)
8 months • Says "mama" and • Stands while holding • Pulls self to standing, cruises
"dada" to both onto something • Picks things up with thumb-finger
parents (isn't • Crawls pincer grasp
specific) • Points at objects • Indicates wants with gestures
• Passes objects • Searches for hidden
from hand to hand objects
9 months • Stands while • Cruises while holding • Plays patty-cake and peek-a-boo
holding onto onto furniture • Says "mama" and "dada" to the correct
something • Drinks from a sippy cup parent
• Jabbers or • Eats with fingers
combines syllables • Bangs objects together
• Understands object
permanence
10 • Waves goodbye • Says "mama" and "dada" • Stands alone for a couple of seconds
months • Picks things up to the correct parent • Puts objects into a container
with pincer grasp • Indicates wants with
• Crawls well, with gestures
belly off the ground
11 • Says "mama" and • Understands "no" and • Says one word besides "mama" and
months "dada" to the correct simple instructions "dada"
parent • Puts objects into a • Stoops from standing position
• Plays patty-cake container
and peek-a-boo
• Stands alone for a
couple of seconds
• Cruises
Child's Mastered Skills Emerging Skills (half of Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Age (most kids can do) kids can do)
13 • Uses two words • Enjoys gazing at his • Combines words and gestures to make
months skillfully (e.g., "hi" reflection needs known
and "bye") • Holds out arm or leg to • Rolls a ball back and forth
• Bends over and help you dress him
picks up an object
15 • Plays with ball • Scribbles with a crayon • "Helps" around the house
months • Uses three words • Runs • Puts his fingers to his mouth and says
regularly • Adopts "no" as his "shhh"
• Walks backward favorite word
16 • Turns the pages of • Discovers the joy of • Takes off one piece of clothing by
months a book climbing himself
• Has temper • Stacks three blocks • Gets finicky about food
tantrums when • Uses spoon or fork • Switches from two naps to one
frustrated • Learns the correct way to
• Becomes attached use common objects (e.g.,
to a soft toy or other the telephone)
object
Child's Mastered Skills Emerging Skills (half of Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Age (most kids can do) kids can do)
19 • Uses a spoon and • Understands as many as • Washes and dries own hands with help
months fork 200 words • Points to picture or object when you
• Runs • Recognizes when call it by name
• Throws a ball something is wrong (e.g., • May know when she needs to pee
underhand calling a dog a cat)
• Enjoys helping
around the house
21 • Can walk up stairs • Throws a ball overhand • Names simple picture in a book
months • Able to set simple • Kicks ball forward • Can walk down stairs
goals (e.g., deciding • Stacks six blocks
to put a toy in a
certain place)
25 and 26 • Stacks six blocks • Uses pronouns (e.g., I, • Speaks clearly most of the time
months • Walks with me, you) • Draws a vertical line
smooth heel-to-toe • Washes and dries own
motion hands
Child's Mastered Skills Emerging Skills (half of Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Age (most kids can do) kids can do)
33 and 34 • Names one color • Alternates feet going up • Is toilet trained during the day
months • Names one friend and down stairs • Wiggles thumb
• Carries on a • Uses prepositions (e.g., • Expresses a wide range of emotions
simple conversation on, in, over) • Draws a stick figure
• Speaks clearly most of
the time (75 percent can
be understood)
• Stacks eight blocks
35 and 36 • Describes how • Hops and skips • Balances on each foot for three
months two objects are • Follows a two- or three- seconds
used part command • Gets dressed without help
• Uses three to four • Separates fairly easily
words in a sentence from parents
• Names two • Rides a tricycle
actions (e.g.,
skipping, jumping)
Your newborn
How your baby's growing:
Because he was curled up inside your uterus until recently, your newborn baby will probably look scrunched up for a while, with
his arms and legs not fully extended. He may even appear bowlegged.
Don't worry: Your baby will stretch out, little by little, and by the time he reaches 6 months, he'll be fully unfurled! In the meantime,
as he adjusts to life outside the warm, safe confines of your womb, he may enjoy being swaddled in a light blanket.
This week, reality sets in — you have a baby! He's all yours, he's home with you, and he's dependent on you for love, care, and
feeding. No doubt you've been reading up on what to do and how to do it. We have plenty of articles and tools to refresh your
memory and teach you new tips, but here's our best advice this week: Don't try to master the art of caring for a baby all at once.
Take it easy, take it slow. Your newborn is more durable than you might think. He's getting used to you as much as you and your
partner are getting used to him. Like all good relationships, this one will take some time.
Your 1-week-old
How your baby's growing:
Your baby's eyesight is still pretty fuzzy. Babies are born nearsighted and can see things best when they're about 8 to 15 inches
away, so she can see your face clearly only when you're holding her close.
Don't worry if your baby doesn't look you right in the eye from the start: Newborns tend to look at your eyebrows, your hairline, or
your moving mouth. As she gets to know you in the first month, she'll become more interested in having eye-to-eye exchanges.
Studies show that newborns prefer human faces to all other patterns or colors. (Objects that are bright, moving, high-contrast, or
black-and-white are next in line.)
Two to four days after your baby's birth, your milk "comes in," filling your breasts and causing what's known as engorgement.
(Until that happens, your nursing baby is drinking a nourishing pre-milk called colostrum.) This important shift has an unfortunate
side effect for some new moms: It can create mild to considerable discomfort. Why? Your body is forcing milk from the glands
that create it out to your nipples, and you're also dealing with a postpartum drop in hormone levels and the still-unfamiliar
sensation of a newborn's suckling.
Your breasts may feel tender or hard and hot, and they may swell or seem to throb. Don't take this as an indication that
breastfeeding isn't for you because it's too painful. Engorgement is a short-lived condition that will diminish as your body adjusts
to breastfeeding. Some helpful ways to reduce the pain in the meantime:
What is jaundice?
Jaundice is a condition that causes a yellowish discoloration of the skin and the whites of the eyes. If you press your finger
against the nose or chest of a fair-skinned baby with jaundice, you can see this yellow tinge. If your baby has dark skin, you can
see the yellowness in the whites of the eyes or in the gums. The most common type of jaundice develops on the second or third
day of life — about when the baby is being discharged from the hospital — which is why it's important to know about it and keep
an eye out for it. Most of these cases, called physiologic jaundice, disappear on their own in two weeks.
Should I worry?
Most newborn cases of jaundice are harmless and require no treatment. The doctor may order blood tests to measure your
baby's bilirubin levels, which usually involve taking a small amount of blood from your baby's heel. In moderate cases of jaundice,
the doctor may prescribe phototherapy (light therapy), which involves placing the baby naked under special blue lights that help
her body break down the bilirubin so that it can be excreted. This can be done in the hospital or at home with a portable unit. A
special kind of fiber-optic blanket, called a bili blanket, has a similar effect. In addition to phototherapy, it's important to keep your
baby well hydrated and to identify and treat any underlying medical issues. Your doctor may recommend breastfeeding more
often or supplementing with formula to give your baby more fluids and help her pass more bilirubin in her stools. The goal of
treatment is to lower the bilirubin level to prevent the buildup of toxic levels in the baby's brain (a disease called kernicterus).
With monitoring and treatment, the risk of kernicterus or other complications drops to almost none.
Your 2-week-old
How your baby's growing:
Your womb was a warm and cozy environment, and it takes time for your baby to adjust to the various sights, sounds, and
sensations of life outside your body. You may not be able to detect much of a personality just yet as your baby spends his time
moving in and out of several different states of sleepiness, quiet alertness, and active alertness.
The only way your baby knows to communicate is by crying, but you can communicate with him through your voice and your
touch. (He can now recognize your voice and pick it out among others.)
Your baby probably loves to be held, caressed, kissed, stroked, massaged, and carried. He may even make an "ah" sound when
he hears your voice or sees your face, and he'll be eager to find you in a crowd.
It seems to make no sense: At a time when you expected to be so happy, you feel down, weepy, moody, or irritable. In fact,
there are very good reasons why about half of new moms get the so-called baby blues.
During the first weeks home with a baby, sleep deprivation, recovery from childbirth, the demands of newborn care, lack of
experience with babies, and not having enough help can all be highly stressful. The huge hormonal shifts that occur after you
give birth can also affect your moods, especially if you have a history of severe PMS. Then factor in modern America's
expectations about moms "doing it all" and new moms being "blissed out," and you have the makings of a perfect storm for mild
depression.
Knowing that these feelings are normal can help. It's a good idea to confide your feelings to people you love and trust: your
partner, your parents, another relative, or a close friend. Connecting with other new parents online or in your community can help
you see that you're far from alone.
Carve out time for yourself. Let your partner or a grandparent stay with your baby while you visit a friend, go shopping, or just
take a relaxing bath. Even sitting outside or taking a walk with your baby in the fresh air can be beneficial.
Leave work behind. Really! Remember this is maternity leave. Turn off your cell phone and avoid your computer. Use these
weeks to nurture your ties with your family.
If feelings persist more than a couple of weeks, tell your doctor. You may have postpartum depression (PPD), a more
serious condition. The causes of PPD aren't completely understood, but it's not a reflection on whether you're a "good" mom or
"coping well." Symptoms of PPD include extreme anxiety, panic attacks, changes in eating habits (overeating or loss of appetite),
insomnia, and thoughts of harming yourself or your baby.
What is SIDS?
Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is sometimes called crib death. It occurs when a baby under 1 year old dies suddenly and
without warning, usually while asleep.
Should I worry?
Even though SIDS is the leading cause of death among babies between 1 month and 1 year, it's still rare. SIDS claims about
2,500 victims a year — that is, fewer than 1 in 1,000 — usually between the ages of 2 and 4 months. No one knows exactly what
causes SIDS, although the following factors are thought to increase the risk:
Don't overdress your baby at bedtime — put him in as little or as much clothing as you'd wear to bed. Some experts advise
against sleeping with your newborn in your bed during the early months because the soft bedding is a risk. Others believe that
sharing a bed allows parents to respond more quickly to changes in their baby's breathing or movements. If you do co-sleep,
remove fluffy comforters and make sure the mattress is firm. Your baby should sleep on his back even in your bed.
Never smoke around your baby and keep him away from those who do. It's possible that breastfeeding your baby and giving him
a pacifier during sleep may lower his risk for SIDS, but more research is needed to confirm these links.
Your 3-week-old
How your baby's growing:
Babies love and need to suck, so don't discourage it. In fact, you may have already discovered that a pacifier works wonders in
helping your baby calm down. When the "binky" or your finger isn't available, your baby may even be able to find her thumb or
fingers to soothe herself.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends using a pacifier at nap time and bedtime, based on evidence that using a
pacifier may reduce the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). That said, there's no need to reinsert the pacifier if it falls
out once your baby's asleep.
Some moms talk about feeling an instantaneous, consuming love right from the beginning. That's become the prevailing image
of what "bonding" is supposed to be like. But bonding isn't a single, magical delivery-room moment. For more than half of new
mothers, feeling connected takes a bit longer — and for good reason.
Birth, delivery, and recovery can be taxing physical experiences, especially if there are complications. If you've never spent a lot
of time around babies, let alone been completely responsible for taking care of one, anxiety and worry about doing everything
right can intrude too. Your relationship with your child is not so different from your other relationships — it can take time and
many interactions for those feelings of attachment to develop and ripen.
So there's no need to feel guilty if you look at your long-awaited baby and feel like you're staring at a little stranger. In a sense
she is. Give it time and eventually you won't be able to imagine life without her.
If after several weeks, however, feelings of aloofness or even resentment continue, you could be suffering from postpartum
depression. Ten percent of new moms suffer from this form of depression, triggered largely by hormonal changes after delivery.
In addition to prolonged feelings of ambivalence about motherhood, accompanying symptoms include insomnia, anxiety,
changes in appetite, and thoughts of harming yourself or your baby.
Postpartum depression has nothing to do with your fitness as a mom and everything to do with biochemical changes you have
little control over. Call your ob-gyn or midwife now — don't wait until your postpartum checkup. The sooner you seek help, the
sooner you'll feel better.
Hearing a baby cry can be frustrating and exhausting. It's helpful to have someone who can take turns with you holding and
pacing with your baby. If you have to set your baby in her crib or another safe place for a few minutes to use the bathroom (or to
have a good cry yourself), rest assured that leaving her alone for a few minutes, even if she's crying, is not going to hurt her. Do
let your doctor know if the cry sounds shrieking and pained, if your baby stops gaining weight, if she has a fever, or if the colicky
symptoms go beyond age 3 months— as these may be signs of health problems.
Your 4-week-old
How your baby's growing:
Your baby may gurgle, coo, grunt, and hum to express his feelings. A few babies also begin squealing and laughing. Be sure to
coo and gurgle back, and talk to your baby face to face. He'll enjoy holding your gaze now.
If you have things to do, your baby will still enjoy hearing your voice from across the room. And don't feel silly about using baby
talk — babies are particularly attuned to this high-pitched, drawn-out way of communicating, which can actually teach your baby
about the structure and function of language.
Even when you're the happiest person on earth to be a new parent, it's common to have nagging little feelings of disappointment.
Not that you want to tell anyone. But you spent nine months imagining what your baby would be like and now here he is —
perhaps not exactly what you'd pictured. Parents of a baby born with a health problem are especially vulnerable to this feeling of
not getting what they'd bargained for. But parents of healthy children often have such feelings too.
In all of these situations, there's a wonderful new baby to celebrate. And yet there's often an imaginary baby to mourn before the
real baby can be fully embraced. Rarely does anybody talk about this phenomenon, but it's perfectly normal and human. So if
your joy is tinged with a little regret, don't feel guilty. Give yourself a little space to privately grieve, and then count the blessings
you do have.
• DTaP: Protects against diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis (whooping cough). Five doses: at 2, 4, and 6 months, between 15
and 18 months, and between 4 and 6 years.
• Flu ("influenza"): Protects against the influenza virus, which can cause severe respiratory infections and pneumonia. A yearly
dose is recommended for those 6 months to 18 years old during flu season (fall and winter). Children younger than 9 getting a flu
shot for the first time need two doses of vaccine the first year they're vaccinated, administered one month apart.
• HBV (hepatis B): Protects against the hepatitis B virus, which attacks the liver. Three doses: at birth, between 1 and 2 months,
and between 6 and 18 months.
• Hib (Haemophilus influenzae type b bacteria): Protects against meningitis, blood infection, pneumonia, and epiglottitis. Four
doses: at 2, 4, and 6 months, and between 12 and 15 months.
• PCV (pneumococcal) vaccine: Protects against pneumococcal pneumonia (a common lung disease), meningitis, and ear
infections. Four doses: at 2, 4, and 6 months, and between 12 and 15 months.
• Polio (IPV or inactivated polio virus): Protects against polio, which can cause paralysis and death. Four doses: at 2 and 4
months, between 6 and 18 months, and between 4 and 6 years.
• Rotavirus vaccine: Protects against rotavirus, which causes severe diarrhea, vomiting, fever, and dehydration. Unlike the other
vaccines, it's a liquid given by mouth. Three doses: at 2, 4, and 6 months.
Vaccines recommended for babies after age 1 include varicella (for chicken pox), MMR (for measles, mumps, and rubella), and
hepatitis A.
Your 5-week-old
How your baby's growing:
Smiling is universal. A baby's first smile happens at about the same time in all cultures, so get ready for your baby to reward all
your loving care with a beaming, toothless, just-for-you grin. This will probably make your heart melt, even if you've just had your
worst night yet.
Soon you'll have the last of the series of checkups that began with your first prenatal trip to your doctor or midwife. Your care
provider will want to be sure you're doing fine — emotionally as well as physically — following the stresses of pregnancy, labor,
delivery, and becoming a new parent.
During the pelvic exam, your doctor or midwife will want to see that any tears, scratches, or bruises to your vagina or cervix have
healed. If your cervix is healed, you may also have a Pap smear. She'll examine your perineum if you had an episiotomy or
tearing. She'll also feel your belly to be sure that there's no tenderness, and if you had a c-section she'll inspect your scar to see
how it's healing.
Your breasts will be checked as well. If you're breastfeeding, your caregiver will examine you to find out whether you have any
clogged ducts, which could lead to an infection like mastitis. If you aren't nursing, she'll want to be sure there are no hard or sore
areas that might indicate an infection. She'll also want to see if your milk is drying up.
You'll probably be told it's fine to begin having sex again, although many new moms don't feel their sex drive or energy kick in for
a few more weeks or even months. Regardless of your interest level, you ought to discuss postpartum birth control, because it's
possible to get pregnant before you've gotten your period back and even if you're breastfeeding.
Your caregiver will also be concerned about your emotional health. As many as 4 out of 5 new moms become mildly depressed,
commonly called the baby blues. However, if these down feelings last more than two weeks, you may have postpartum
depression, a more serious condition. Your doctor or midwife can recommend interventions that really help, such as a therapist
who sees lots of moms like you or an antidepressant that's safe to take when nursing.
You're the expert on your baby — and the doctor is the expert on baby care and health — so good communication is key. If you
disagree with your doctor's advice or feel your comments are being dismissed, speak up. It may be that you've misunderstood
one another. Most doctors appreciate your honesty and want their interaction with you and your baby to be rewarding and
informative. If you find that you have serious disagreements, you may want to find another doctor with whom you feel more
comfortable. Ask friends for referrals.
Your 6-week-old
How your baby's growing:
Now that your baby's awake for longer periods during the day, you can use these times to support his sensory development. Try
singing your favorite lullabies or playing music.
You don't have to limit yourself to children's songs. Fill the house with the sounds of music — from the Black Eyed Peas to
Mozart — and watch as your baby expresses his pleasure through coos, lip smacks, and jerking arm and leg movements.
You're tired beyond belief. Your sexual desire is nil (thanks to readjusting hormone levels, particularly if you're breastfeeding).
Everyday life with a baby is so different from the life you were living when he was conceived that those days seem a distant
memory. Just because your doctor proclaims you physically ready for intercourse doesn't mean the rest of you is ready to go
along, even if your mate is.
Whether or not you feel like making love, you and your partner can still focus on loving one another. According to a University of
Wisconsin study, 65 percent of women did some sexual touching with their partner during the first month after childbirth and 34
percent performed oral sex, while only 17 percent had intercourse.
When you call your doctor, it's important to tell her how high your baby's temperature has gone, how you took it, and what other
symptoms your baby's having. Based on this information, your doctor will help determine how serious your baby's fever is and
tell you whether it's safe to give him medicine. Be sure not to give your baby medicine before talking to a doctor — it can be
dangerous to give him the wrong dosage, and medication can mask your baby's symptoms, making it hard for the doctor to give
appropriate care. If the fever is higher than 100.4 degrees, your doctor will probably ask you to bring your baby to the office to be
examined and treated.
Your 7-week-old
How your baby's growing:
Your baby's brain is expanding in size and complexity. It will grow about 5 centimeters during the first three months.
You may notice short periods of time when your newborn is quiet and alert. This is prime time for learning. Use these calm
intervals to get better acquainted with your baby — talk to her, sing to her, describe the pictures on the walls. She may not be
able to add to your conversation just yet, but she's learning nonetheless.
New textures for her hands to feel and new sights and sounds (all in moderation) are all learning opportunities. Even bath time
becomes a laboratory for understanding the world around her.
Today's society puts a lot of pressure on new moms to breastfeed. No doubt breast milk is the perfect first food. However, there
are many reasons why breastfeeding just doesn't work for some women and their babies, including illness, discomfort, and
frustration.
Guilt over not breastfeeding can hit especially hard if you had planned during pregnancy to do so but then circumstances made it
impossible or more difficult than you'd expected.
Both breast milk and commercial formula nourish growing babies. If you've given up on breastfeeding — or are thinking of doing
so — be sure to discuss your choice with your doctor or a certified lactation consultant. Talk through your feelings and don't be
too hard on yourself. The main thing to remember is that how you feed your baby is ultimately not as important as providing her
with love and care.
Your baby can tell the difference between familiar voices and other sounds, and he's becoming a better listener. He can also
show you that he's in tune with his environment. Notice how he looks to see where certain noises are coming from.
An ongoing conversation (although seemingly one-sided) can help your baby develop his sense of place. He may even watch
your mouth as you talk, fascinated by how it all works. You'll be amazed by his ability to communicate with a growing repertory of
coos (musical, vowel-like sounds), smiles, and unique cries to express his different needs.
Very few parents feel amorous in the weeks following childbirth, for some pretty understandable reasons. It's important to
remember, however, that being a new parent doesn't mean that you're no longer a sexual being. Even if you don't have time,
stamina, or interest in having sexual intercourse, you and your partner can still find ways to express your love for each other.
Love through talk. Keep the lines of communication open no matter how stressed you feel. Remember that you're both going
through huge changes in your life. Talking about them can help you feel closer. Frame complaints so that they don't sound
accusatory: Instead of saying, "You shouldn't do ___," for example, try, "I feel ___ when you do ___."
Love through laughter. When your life has turned upside down and you're so tired you could be mistaken for a zombie, it's as
appropriate to laugh about it as to cry. Poke fun at your own mistakes together.
Love through escape. Leave your baby in the care of a trusted relative or sitter while you go on a date. See a movie, go out for
dinner or dessert, or do something else you can enjoy together. Just being away for a couple of hours can recharge you.
Love through touching. Sex isn't all about intercourse. Kissing, cuddling, caressing, and other kinds of physical intimacy don't
require a lot of energy and can help you relax.
Love through time. Remember that these topsy-turvy weeks are temporary.
c. Ten to 15 minutes
d. Until he stops
3. What's the standard advice on how long after childbirth you should wait until you and your wife can have sex again?
a. One week
b. Six weeks
c. Three months
4. What's the number one never-leave-home-without-it item you should bring for an afternoon at the park with your 6-
month-old?
b. A burp cloth
d. A diaper
e. Sand toys
5. If you want to buy your 9-month-old new clothes, what size should you buy?
a. 6 to 9 months
b. 10 to 16 pounds
c. 12 to 18 months
d. Small
6. What sort of postpartum present would your wife-turned-mom appreciate the most?
b. A bouquet of flowers
c. A gift certificate to pamper herself with a facial, massage, or manicure -- and the time off to schedule it
8. Which one of these should you use to clean your baby's umbilical cord?
a. Rubbing alcohol
b. Hydrogen peroxide
d. Baby shampoo
a. Sling
b. Exersaucer
c. Pixel
d. Swaddle
10. Where should the baby sit in the car when you bring him home from the hospital?
11. What should you always bring your wife when she breastfeeds?
a. A glass of water
b. A magazine
d. The TV remote
12. What's the average amount of time it takes for a baby to sleep through the night?
a. Three weeks
b. Three months
c. 12 months
d. Two years
14. Your wife is so sleep deprived that she can't see straight. You:
One of my clearest memories of early motherhood involves early fatherhood. I never would have expected my husband — a
champion coach in the delivery room — to be so indifferent to the trophy we were taking home. Sure, he loved our son, but he
insisted it wasn't the same for him as it was for me. I got to feed Kyle, spend the day with Kyle, rock him to sleep; my connection
to our new son was so profound that he might as well have still been linked by an umbilical cord. On the other hand, my husband
would come home from work and seem completely baffled by the baby.
Well, Tim found out quickly what most moms know from the very start: namely, that a baby's got charm and grace galore. I'd
hand him Kyle to watch for a moment, and come back to find the two of them grinning like fools on the couch.
Now, after having three children, I realize my husband was just shy. Taking care of a newborn is often elementally reduced to
feeding and comforting, and some new dads don't know if they've got the right equipment for the job. The real secret of male-
bonding with a baby is realizing that you're not supposed to try to be another mother. Your child already has one of those, and
what she really needs is for you to be yourself. Still feeling a little shy? Try these break-the-ice activities.
Play kangaroo
My firstborn was a colicky baby who was never happy unless someone was holding him. At the end of the day, Tim used to
come to the rescue by strapping on a Snugli and going about his business — raking leaves, setting the table, tossing a ball for
the dog — all with Kyle cuddled against his belly.
Change a diaper
Talk about bonding at the earthiest level — with babies, the bottom line (no pun intended) often involves cleaning up a mess.
During a change you get to touch the baby, and talk to him, but it's sometimes hard to see a silver lining when a soggy lining is
so much more evident. Still, fair's fair. My friend Mary's husband once asked her what she did all day with the baby, so she lined
up 18 dirty diapers in neat, plastic piles on the front stoop for him to see when he came home.
Bench press
The bad news is that once you're a parent, you don't have much time to get to the gym. The good news is that you have just
acquired a fabulous set of hand weights, approximately 7 to 20 pounds. Once our kids' necks could support the weight of their
heads, Tim would balance their bodies on his palms and then carefully curl them, bench them, whatever struck his fancy ... and
both his biceps and the babies loved it.
Be a texture board
One of the greatest attributes of men is that they feel great (or they probably wouldn't be daddies in the first place). From the
rough shadow of beard to a silky moustache to a crewcut hairdo, a father is a tactile delight. Beware: Little fingers can get a
punishing grip on chest hair.
Take pictures
Nothing makes as flawless a subject as your own child. An added benefit? All the grandmas and grandpas and uncles and
cousins who are the recipients of the prints can't help but notice what a great time you're having being a dad.
It turns out that many families sleep together all over the world. And it's a growing trend in the United States. A national study
published in 2003 found that between 1993 and 2000, the number of babies 7 months old or younger who usually shared a bed
with an adult grew from 5.5 percent to 12.8 percent.
• Your child's health and safety are the most important considerations. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends
against sleep-sharing for the health and safety of the child — but sleep-sharing advocates disagree. Read "Safety and Sleep-
Sharing," below, for more about this.
• Some people love the coziness of sleep-sharing. Others say having a squirmy child in bed with them makes it difficult to sleep.
• Some babies sleep better next to their parents. Others seem happier sleeping on their own.
Night feedings
Moms who co-sleep say it's easier to breastfeed and bottle-feed with their baby right next to them.
If you breastfeed your baby, once you get comfortable with nursing on your side with your baby curled next to you, you may find
that you barely wake up when it's time to feed. You help your infant latch on, then sink back into slumber.
If you bottle-feed, you can have a prepared bottle in the refrigerator to give your child when she wakes up, then go back to sleep
as soon as she's settled.
Others say the proximity causes their baby to wake up more often to feed. And co-sleeping can make it harder to wean your
baby from waking up at night to nurse or take a bottle. Breastfeeding babies, in particular, smell their mothers' milk, and many
develop the habit of waking repeatedly at night to feed long after they have a physical need to do so.
Talk the issue over together and consider the pros and cons. Consult friends who sleep-share and find out how it's working for
them. Brainstorm with your partner about ways to make private time for yourselves. Let your partner discuss his reservations, if
any, and listen to what he has to say. Talk openly about your own feelings.
If either of you still has doubts, one strategy is to agree to a trial period of two weeks or so and check in with each other when
that period is over. As with all parenting decisions, it's important to consider each other's feelings and point of view before
making a decision.
But not every baby enjoys a shared sleeping arrangement. If you have a family bed and your baby's restless or fussy at night,
you might try putting her in her bassinet or crib to see if she seems happier there. Or, if crowding is the problem, consider getting
a larger bed or a bedside bassinet to give everyone a little more room.
Some traditional child development experts have argued that a child who sleeps with her parents will become overly dependent.
As sleep-sharing has become more widespread in the United States in recent years, though, it has also become more accepted,
and some of this skepticism has faded.
For example, in the original 1985 edition of sleep expert Richard Ferber's famous book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, he
advised parents against co-sleeping. But in the 2006 revised version, Ferber's views mellowed considerably.
In that book, he writes, "Children do not grow up insecure just because they sleep alone or with other siblings, away from their
parents; and they are not prevented from learning to separate, or from developing their own sense of individuality, simply
because they sleep with their parents. Whatever you want to do, whatever you feel comfortable doing, is the right thing to do, as
long as it works."
If you sleep with your baby, it may be difficult to persuade her to move into her own bed later. Some children who spend their
early years in the family bed resist sleeping anywhere else — at least at first. But most kids will happily sleep on their own once
they've made the transition.
Safety and sleep-sharing
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommend against
sharing a bed with a child under the age of 2, citing an increased risk of death from suffocation, SIDS (sudden infant death
syndrome), strangulation, or another unexplained cause. But other experts and parenting groups disagree, saying co-sleeping is
safe and beneficial if done properly.
For more information, read what the CPSC, the AAP, and sleep-sharing advocates have to say.
If you decide to try sleep-sharing, don't leave your baby to sleep alone in an adult bed — it's not designed with infant safety in
mind. Naturally you won't always be going to bed when your baby does, so consider putting her in a bassinet or crib for naps and
at night until she wakes up for her first feeding.
And be sure to observe the following additional safety precautions for as long as they're age appropriate:
• Never smoke or allow others to smoke around your infant, whether or not you're co-sleeping. Some studies have
found that babies who share a bed with parents who smoke are at higher risk for SIDS.
•
• Childproof the room you and your baby sleep in. The day will come when she can get out of the bed and explore
while you sleep.
• Never co-sleep with your infant if you're under the influence of alcohol or other drugs. These intoxicants could
interfere with your awareness of your baby's presence and her cries.
•
• If you're extremely overweight, sleep-sharing might not be safe for your baby. Installing a crib or a co-sleeper next to
your bed is a less risky way to go.
•
• Don't sleep in clothing that has long strings or ribbons on it or wear jewelry in the family bed.
•
• Don't let older children sleep next to a baby younger than one year. They could accidentally harm the baby by rolling
over or kicking in their sleep.
•
• Keep pets out of the bed.
Put your baby to sleep only on a smooth, flat mattress. It's not safe for babies to sleep (with or without you) on a waterbed, an
egg-crate mattress, a couch, an armchair, or any other surface that's not firm and could interfere with your baby's breathing —
firm and flat is the rule.
•
• Ideally, place your mattress on the floor. That way, if by chance the baby rolls off, she won't have far to fall. Place
rugs or pillows on the floor around the mattress to cushion falls, If your mattress isn't on the floor, equip it with a bed rail (or
two, if it's not against a wall on one side). Use mesh rails, not rails with slats that could entrap a baby's head.
•
• If your mattress is against a wall or anything else, check daily to make sure there are no gaps that your baby could
slip into. Fill any gaps with tightly rolled towels. The same goes for gaps between headboard or footboard and the mattress.
•
• Don't use a headboard or footboard with slats more than 2 3/8 inches apart or cutouts — these can entrap a baby's
head.
•
• Position the bed away from room features that might be a hazard for a baby, such as cords for window blinds, lamps
that can be pulled over, and so on.
Safe bedding
• To make sure your baby can breathe freely, keep pillows, blankets, comforters, and other bedding away from her
face.
•
• Make sure fitted sheets fit securely so they can't be pulled loose.
• Don't use sheepskins or any type of cushy mattress cover.
Safe sleepwear
• For warmth, dress your baby in layers. Footed pajamas and sleeveless sleep sacks ("wearable blankets") can help.
(Get more ideas for keeping your baby warm without blankets.)
•
• To avoid overheating, dress your baby more lightly than you would if she were sleeping alone.
A safe alternative
If you feel uneasy about having your baby in your bed but you don't want her in another room, she can sleep near you in a
bassinet or a crib. Some bassinets (often called co-sleepers or bedside bassinets) are designed to attach to and be level with the
bed.
The AAP, while it discourages sharing an adult bed with your baby, says having your baby in your bedroom but in a separate
sleeping space (even one right next to the bed) reduces the risk of SIDS.
But just because you can't have intercourse doesn't mean that you have to rule out intimacy altogether. Oral sex and other forms
of "outercourse" like masturbation are safe a few days after delivery. If your mate has stitches from an episiotomy or vaginal tear,
be sure you avoid contact with that area in order not to disrupt the healing. While you may be concerned that the bacteria in your
mouth could increase your partner's risk of infection, you needn't worry as long as the stimulation is strictly external (in other
words, stick to the area around the clitoris). Stay away from the vagina and the perineum and everything should be fine.
Even if you're not up for sexual activity, it's still important to stay physically connected to each other through hugs, kisses,
massages, or just holding hands.
For more advice on sexual activities that are safe in the first few postpartum weeks, click here.
Those carefree days during pregnancy when you didn't need to think about birth control are definitely over, so do put some time
into figuring out what type of contraception will work for you. Chances are your mate's healthcare practitioner will bring up the
topic of contraception at her first postpartum checkup (usually four to six weeks after delivery) — a good time for her to get
refitted for a diaphragm, pick up a new Pill prescription, or discuss other options. But it's a good idea to check out contraception
choices before you show up for your first postpartum checkup so you'll be prepared to make a decision if you need to have a
prescription filled.
We've gotten the green light for sex, but my wife doesn't seem to be into it. Am I doing something
wrong?
Reality check: There can be a huge gap between physical and emotional readiness for intimacy. Even if it's been six weeks,
even if your partner's been told she can go ahead and have sex again, she may not be ready. She may be afraid of pain, she
may need more time, and she may just be exhausted. Your best bet: Give her some space, lots of affection, and no pressure. A
few well-placed compliments won't hurt either.
And don't hesitate to put yourself in your partner's shoes: She may have barely regained her strength from giving birth, and now
she's giving what energy she has to the baby. If she's breastfeeding, her body is constantly in demand, and even if she's not,
taking care of a newborn is an intensely physical job. Finally, don't forget that during the recent miracle of your baby's birth, your
partner spent several hours with the most private parts of her body on display to a roomful of nurses, midwives, and doctors.
"After giving birth, a woman may feel like her body is not her own, and she will want to reestablish some boundaries," says Judith
Steinhart, a certified sex therapist. "Sex can seem like one more demand, meeting one more person's needs."
As your partner adjusts to a whole new role, she may have little energy left at the moment for physical loving. But that doesn't
mean she loves you any less. In fact, many couples find the period after childbirth very romantic, if not very sexual.
These can be bewildering, enchanting, and exhausting times — for both of you. While your partner's hormones and her body are
doing things they've never done before, you're both coping with sleep deprivation and adjusting to the joys and stresses of your
new addition.
So if you're ready to get intimate and she's not, courtship is key. Keep things simple at first. Start with cuddling, since this may be
all that either of you has the energy to handle. Remind her that you find her attractive, and make her feel like a woman, not just a
mother It may take time to resume some normalcy, but sex will be part of your lives again. Really.
One other thing: Be prepared for your baby to interrupt your first forays into sexual intimacy. Whether it's naptime or the middle
of the night, assume the baby will wake up crying at exactly the wrong time. But don't let this deter you from making another date
to make love. Welcome to the world of parenting.
Finding time for making love is tough with a new baby in the house, and no one knows that better than veteran parents. That's
why we asked them how they keep the home fires burning. Here are their best tips and tricks (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) for
squeezing in some love time.
Redefine sex
All roads don't have to lead to intercourse. There are lots of ways to have fun if you don't have time for a full-blown lovemaking
session. Stoke the fires by making out for a few minutes before dinner, or cop a feel when he passes you on the way to change
the baby's diaper. If your partner is willing but too tired to seal the deal, pleasure yourself while he or she watches. "My wife's
presence makes it more exciting for me, and sometimes she gets excited enough to participate," says Tim Kahl of Sacramento,
California.
Take advantage of naptime
When the baby goes down for a nap on weekends, it's time for you two to get down, too. Of course, if you're sorely sleep
deprived, rest up. But it's important not to use all your quiet moments to catch up on chores. The laundry and dishes can wait
while you make time for each other.
Dad, you can seduce your honey by reading her a love poem out loud, washing her hair, or taking the kids out so she can relax
and pamper herself. Remember, foreplay isn't just something you do right before sex; it can happen all day. But then again, real
foreplay works too. Nearly 60 percent of the women in our sex survey said nothing beats touching, hugging, stroking, and kissing
to get them in the mood.
When do most couples start having sex again after their baby is born?
When do most couples start having sex again after their baby is born — and how often do they do it?
Expert Answers
The BabyCenter Editorial Team
Sex after baby — like sex before baby — is different for every couple. Still, it's fun (and comforting) to know how other new
parents are faring between the sheets, so we surveyed 20,000 parents to find out when and how often they had sex.
First-time parents told us that two months after the baby was born, they were making love two to three times a month. Although
doctors usually recommend waiting six to eight weeks, slightly more than 20 percent said they couldn't wait and went ahead with
sex in the first month. By month six they reported doing it more often — three to five times per month. (Click here to see all the
results of the BabyCenter Sex Survey.)
Sex (or the lack of it) is on many couples' minds after their baby is born. Maybe you're looking forward to being chest to chest
with your partner again instead of finding new ways to get around a big belly. Or maybe you're so tired and busy that getting
back into the sexual swing is pretty far down on your list — after sleeping, eating, and just caring for a newborn. Mom's physical
condition is a big factor, too; even if you can find the time and have the energy, your body may still be healing and not ready for
intercourse. If you're worried that you're the only one whose sex life is on hiatus, you might find it comforting to know that most
parents of newborns have sex 75 percent less often than they did before pregnancy. (Don't panic, that number improves with
time.)
Interestingly, new parents who already have at least one older child reported making love more often in the months after delivery
than first-timers — an average of three to four times a month two months after delivery, and four to seven times a month by
month six. Experienced parents seem to have learned some tricks for fitting sex into their busy lives.