November 3, 2013

1

Fog in the Darkness
I felt obliged to spend a weekend with him; obliged by the hope of having the
stable, caring, and nourishing relationship we used to have years ago, when my siblings
and I were still a priority in his life. The idea of introducing his mistress to us was
probably consuming his mind and on that night, he exploded.
It was my freshman year and my father came to pick me up from a party.
Unintentionally, I made him wait as it took me a few minutes to leave the party and
walk to the car. Rage and fury came out of the veins that popped out of his forehead. I
was frightened by his reaction and he took advantage of the situation. He told me that
the next day I would meet his girlfriend, as he called her, with or without my consent.
He was desperate to force that woman into my life; he neglected my pleas about
reconsidering. He had already appealed to blackmailing techniques using money, gifts,
or rewards. However, none of those was strong enough to make me succumb my own
values, so he tried by creating fear in my mind.
We arrived at his house and he went to sleep, convinced he was victorious. I
went to the bedroom and meditated over what I should do. Was I supposed to give up
on my beliefs, who I was, due to the fear he elicited in me?
That moment, I remembered a phrase from my mother: the decisions we make
define who we are. Meeting her wouldve meant betraying the concept I have of
family. It wouldve supported the decision of leaving everything behind for a
temptation. I couldnt support something I still dont believe is right, for that wouldve
defined me wrongly.
November 3, 2013


2

Once my dad had fallen asleep I stealthily escaped his house and headed towards
my grandmothers place, which was only a couple of blocks away. It was 2:00am and
the fog of the night in the streets of Quito coalesced with my thoughts. I acknowledged
each step I gave as an act of defiance against my fathers desire. The sidewalks steep
descent hastened my walk. When I arrived at my grandmothers apartment I thought I
had reached a haven, but the guard told me that she wasnt there. My mom wasnt in
town either and my sister was at a friends ranch. I had no one to call except for a taxi.
My cell phones battery died during the call so I had nothing to do but hope that the cab
heard where I was. My fingers trembled. I was frightened. I was insecure.
An hour later, I was lying in my bed at home, staring at the ceiling, reflecting on
whether my decision to leave had been too drastic and careless. But memories came into
my mind. I remembered the moment I found out that my father had left our family, our
home, and me, for that woman. Evidence from pictures, witnesses, and emails
confirmed what my father would never admit: she was the reason he abandoned us.
Over the six years Ive known this, the conception I had of my father as my idol
has been shattered. Im grateful for escaping on that foggy night, for I knew I wouldve
never been happy meeting that woman and his ceaseless desire to accomplish that goal
wouldve completely destroyed our relationship. Theres no point in
stagnating in resentment. All I can try to do is remember him for all those great years
we spent together. Ive accepted the idea that ones happiness shouldnt depend on
others, but on oneself.
The fog that wandered through my mind for years is fading into the past, for
each day that passes I feel more confident about my decision. What was once darkness
is now dawn.