Three years into the university, I find myself slipping into that black hole of

being a slave to my grades a couple of times. Being in a class where your profes
sor tells you to forget about the grade youll get is a breath of fresh air. It re
minds me of the student I sometimes fail to be. We were having a class discussio
n about whether the formal mode of instruction is outdated for the learning styl
e of our generation kids who grew up with the power to do homework, research and
learn something (although perhaps superficially) all at their fingertips. When
the class was asked what kind of education we want to receive, I pointed out tha
t I wanted an education operating the way it should be that students attend a cl
ass hungry to learn and acquire the skills needed to make them competent contrib
utors to their own chosen fields, rather than enter a classroom every single day
with the ultimate goal of pleasing the teacher and meeting the minimum requirem
ents to safely say I passed. With such notion being raised, my professor replied:
If I could use a time machine, I would go back to the time when the grading syste
m was invented and I would destroy it. Because of its invention, teaching ceased
to be a calling and became a profession. I can only imagine the amount of poten
tial we kill every time teachers give a student a five. A grade is but a number.
Never let anyone judge you by a number, much so yourself. The day you start car
ing about your grades is the day you stop learning. A card of excellence is just
paper. It will rot. But the knowledge you get because you wanted to learn its you
rs forever or you could pass it on.
It would be hypocritical of me to wash hands and say I did not fall prey to such
a system. Of course I did and I probably still am on certain occasions. It is s
addening, however, because I am not the only one. Most of us are guilty of it. A
t the end of the day, we all emerge with passing marks but when we look back, we
see not a single tinge of enjoyment because we were all too preoccupied with tr
ying to pass.
Before college, recognition days were among the most important on my academic ca
lendar. It felt like I was given a time to shine. It made me feel admired and im
portant. When I was new in college, I would industriously join the line of stude
nts outside every department waiting for a chance to claim their class cards at
the end of every semester. Back then, it felt really good to tell your parents y
ou aced your subjects. Several semesters after, however, I would hear my mom com
plaining about not seeing my class cards anymore. It started when I was getting
my class card for this subject which gained my liking. I was 2 people away from
the department assistant releasing the class cards when I felt like it did not m
atter to me anymore. I do not need to shine and feel important like before. I tu
rned around and went back, surprised to not care. The subject exceeded my expect
ations and I loved it not because it gave me a chance to get a grade of one; I l
oved it because I loved it. I was satisfied, and like pearls to milk tea, grades
are just an add-on.
I know some people who get better grades than I do. Ironically, on most days the
y are more jaded than I am and some throw complaints about studying whenever the
y can. When I hear them ranting, I almost always fall silent and brood over whet
her I am being just like everybody else, being enslaved by a scale of one to fiv
e. I sometimes do. I fall. When times get really tough and I have to fulfill wha
t I think people think are my roles, I have this tendency to want to just get ov
er with them. When I call those times to memory, I would regret to have deprived
myself the feeling of being in that moment. I hate looking back to memories and
all I see is my tired self, even if such moment is a milestone because I did so
mething new, something right or something different. If I throw my worries out o
f the box, theres more space for excitement. So I decided to keep it simple: live
learning. My professor added,
It is not about whether our mode of teaching is outdated or not. It is about what
learning means to this generation now. (For example,) many students do not enjo
y mathematics because fear of failure preempts the experience. They fear math ei
ther because theyre already afraid of the teacher giving them a five and/or becau
se people say math is difficult. It is sad. Most students get defeated even befo
re the first lesson.
He was right. The reason why I said it was the education I want to have is becau
se I feel most students I know are falling prey to this system. Today, most stud
ents use the strategy of nosing around what a teacher is like, what the teachers
class requirements are and what things need to be done in order to get a passing
mark, instead of trying to get a whiff of what is there to be learned and givin
g all efforts one can. Students who fancy a little euphemism call it pragmatic,
but I think it defeats the essence of learning. Most children get tired of goin
g to school because every single day is just another day of trying to avoid fail
ing. You just know something superficially only enough to raise you a level high
er but you dont know it by heart. It is identical to building a city of skyscrape
rs; only that we are made of wood.
My grade school and high school self would probably be devastated not to see an
excelling mark on my report card. My college self, however, would look on the ma
rks on my class card, whatever they may be, with contentment. It may not always
be skyrocketing, but Im happy to say I learned and I enjoyed doing something at m
y own pace because that is where I am at my best. I do not want to learn at the
expense of my own enjoyment, being too busy trying to achieve and be something p
eople think I should be. A few years back, I thought it was my grades that got m
e all the respect and affection I was getting; that it was my grades that became
my ticket to this university and the basis for all those scholarship grants tha
t I received. Now I daresay it was not my grades; it was me. It was my effort. I
t was my liking for what I do. Grades gauge some things, but they are not everyt
hing. They cannot speak for what goes beyond them. There is so much more to lear
ning than getting a "one".