How you can help your children develop a healthy personality

When we first meet a person, much of that first impression is conveyed by their
personality. Unconsciously, you 'size up' a person, based on a number of factors
and characteristics. For example, when you go to a restaurant, your waiter or w
aitress might approach you with a smile, a friendly voice and a helpful attitude
. These are all indications of one facet of a healthy personality, which relates
to temperament. On the other hand, you may assess the person's demeanor to lack
authenticity, so you decide this person is phony. Another person might come acr
oss as angry or bitter. Maybe they're just having a bad day, but nonetheless tha
t's the impression you gain. It's difficult to make a fair assessment of anyone
based on a single encounter, but we all do it anyway.
So, how might you describe a healthy personality? There are certain inherent cha
racteristics of personality that we are all born with, such as being outgoing, s
hy, or aggressive by nature. This is what makes us individual and unique. As par
ents, we have a great deal of influence in developing those natural proclivities
, for good or ill. If a child's naturally outgoing personality is squelched by a
n overprotective parent, this alone will modify the formation of that child's pe
rsonality as he grows up. Pushing a shy or quiet child into the limelight has an
impact as well. As for the aggressive child, it depends, as this can be a two-s
ided coin. Is the child overly aggressive in ways that are harmful to others, or
is this aggressive nature more indicative of a proactive, go-getter attitude?
The point is that, given the individual nature of every child, it behooves paren
ts to help guide their children towards the development of a healthy personality
, steering the child who's always wanting to fight towards a more balanced outlo
ok. Cultivating a healthy personality is not an easy task, but one of the most r
ewarding jobs of a parent. We all want our kids to grow up to be stable, respons
ible, happy adults.
It's important to note that kids do learn by example. If a boy's father is too a
uthoritarian, punishing him unjustly or with little cause, these actions will do
little to shape a healthy personality in that boy. If a girl is a bit of a tomb
oy and Mom would rather she be the beauty pageant type, this attitude will doubt
less breed feelings of inadequacy. In both cases, resentment and rebellion will
follow, sooner or later. If Mom and Dad are always fighting, kids tend to feel g
uilty, assuming it's their fault. Notice that resentment, rebellion and guilt ar
e all detrimental to an ultimately healthy personality. Let's take a look at som
e of the characteristics of a healthy personality and see how you can best nurtu
re a stable, responsible and happy adult.
You might begin with making an assessment of your own personality. Are you gener
ally happy and cheerful, or do you become easily annoyed, snapping at anyone who
crosses your path at the wrong moment? Is your behavior generally reasonable, o
r do you frequently come off on people for minor transgressions? Every parent ha
s their own quirks. Try to change some of your own negative behaviors before you
start passing them on to your kids. As Rome wasn't built in a day, so ingrained
patterns of behavior don't disappear overnight.
If you're the snappish type who often takes it out on your kids, you're going to
have lapses. When you do, apologize to your kid, letting them know you recogniz
e your own fault. You might say, Hey Jane, I know I've got a problem with my temp
er sometimes and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm trying hard to work o
n this and I promise to improve this behavior. Guess it's got to be in little ba
by steps, one at a time. I'm sorry, Sweetie. Just leave it at that and keep worki
ng on the problem.
Believe me, your child will respond favorably and will learn a lesson that helps
her along the way to a healthy personality of her own. She learns that everyone
has personality flaws, but also that acknowledging them in a purposeful effort
towards change is possible. Receiving an apology teaches her that appropriate hu
mility is an asset. Your promise to work on this problem shows that people can c
hange their behavior. So, this one example scenario creates a positive outlook a
nd reasonable approach. Your child also picks up on your honesty and taking resp
onsibility for your own actions. You've done quite a bit in this single incident
to help develop a healthy personality, simply by example.
You've got to be consistent in your own efforts to deal fairly and honestly with
your kids it's an everyday effort. They will copy your example!
Using such a strategy over the years you have your child in your home will rewar
d you and your child. You'll find that a balanced and moderate approach, using a
nd teaching critical thinking skills, encouraging an even temperament, positive
outlook, honesty, authenticity and responsibility are all essential elements of
a healthy personality.
Kids are smarter and more observant than many of us give them credit. By the tim
e they're grown, they'll be ready for the real world, equipped with the armor of
a healthy personality they will surely pass on to their own kids. Set the best
example you can and you'll succeed!