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GIRLS
Your If-Only Self
Id be happier if only
introduction
Delvin In
When you think about the challenges that face
todays teenaged girls, what comes to mind first?
Anorexia? Depression? Pregnancy? Divorced
parents? Sexuality issues? Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes
again. The list of challenges is endless and many
vie for first mention.When psychologists, parents,
and youth workers finally have one problem
identified, labeled, and possibly under control,
another one rears its ugly head. That pattern is
likely to continue in this age of whirlwind change
and millisecond advancements.
Though adolescent girls face numerous
challenges as they mature, perhaps the greatest
one has to do with physical appearances. In the
best-selling book, Reviving Ophelia, author Mary
Pipher says, At thirteen, many girls spend more
time in front of a mirror than they do on their
studies. Small flaws become obsessions. Bad hair
can ruin a day. A broken fingernail can feel tragic
. . . Girls feel an enormous pressure to be
beautiful and are aware of the constant
evaluations of their appearance . . . Every day in
the life of a woman is a walking Miss America
Contest (Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher,
Ballantine, 1994, page 55).
Guys have a hard time understanding this,
probably because they arent continually
bombarded with images of a perfect body, perfect
hair, perfect complexion, perfect everything. I
hate it when girls talk about their weight, said
one high school guy. Who cares, anyway? Nice
sentiment, but its a sure bet that he does care
about a girls weight, and its even more sure that
the girls in his school know it.
Take some time this week to flip through a
few teen magazines. Pay attention to the
commercials that are aired during prime time.
Glance at all the beauty and dieting products that
are sold in every grocery and discount
department store. If its been a while since youve
been a teenager, you need to spend a little time
recalling those feelings of Im not good enough.
Im not pretty enough. Im not thin enough. If
your teen years arent too far in the past, you can
probably recall those feelings with ease.
Before you point your girls toward their true
identity (the subject of the third session), help
them recognize the false identity the world is
selling them. And then clarify that beauty is not
an evil thing in itself, rather it is the worship of
beauty that leads down a dangerous path.
opening activity
Warmin Up
Who Am I?
Write the names of
well-known females
on the index cards
one name on each
card. You can use athletes, musicians, actresses,
politicians, authors, local celebrities. The names
should all be familiar to your girls. If you have a
group of five or less, have one girl come to the
front. Then tape one name card on the wall
behind her so that the others can see it but she
cant. Explain the activity like this
Your If-Only Self
13
1
THE ISSUE
The worlds primary message to adolescent and teen girls is you might be happy and
content, but youd be happier and more content if you changed your appearance, changed your
fashion style, changed your friends, had the right guy, and (especially important) spent a lot of
money on a funky pair of shoes.
Index cards or small pieces
of paper
Masking tape
Marker
Youll need
The card I just hung up has the name
of a famous female on it. [Name of girl]
has to figure out whose name is on the
card. She may only ask yes or no
questions. She can direct her
questions to the entire group or to any
individual in the group. Her goal is to
name the person in as few questions
as possible.
Have a volunteer keep track of how many
questions she asks. Repeat the process with the
other girls.
If you have a group of six or more, tape an
index card with a name written on it onto the
back of each girl. Then give an explanation like
this
Each of you has the name of a famous
female taped on your back. Its your
job to figure out who she is by asking
each other yes-or-no questions. For
example, you can ask, Is my person
an athlete? but you may not ask,
What kind of work does she do?
Once youve asked one question, you
have to move to a different person
one question per person at a time.
You can answer one question at a
time from each person you ask a
question of. The goal is to see who
can name her famous female first.
Let the students mingle for several minutes while
asking questions. When each person has figured
out her name (or after 10 minutes), pull your
group together and ask questions like these
Imagine having no
physical contact with
anyone for 12 years.