Charles Bukowski

BURNING IN WATER DROWNING IN FLAME:

SELECTED POEMS
(1955-1973)
Preface
The poems in the first three sections of this book were originally published in
three volumes now long out of print: It Catches My Heart in Its Hands (ou!on
Press" #$%&'" Crucifi( in a )eathhand (ou!on Press in collaboration with yle
*tuart" Inc+" #$%,'" and -t Terror *treet and -gony .ay (/lack *parrow Press"
#$%0'+ The author would like to give acknowledgement to the publishers of these
volumes" 1on and ouise .ebb" yle *tuart" and 1ohn Martin+
The author would like to thank the 2ational 3ndowment for the -rts for a grant
on which the poems in the final section of this book were written+
)edication:for *teve 4ichmond
-5TH647* I2T46)5CTI62
The poems in the first three sections of this book are from the years #$,,8#$%0
and the poems in the last section are the new work of #$9:8#$9&+ The reader
might wonder what happened to the years #$%$8#$9#" since the author once did
vanish (literally' from #$;; to #$,;+
/ut not this time+
The )ays 4un -way ike .ild Horses 6ver The Hills (/lack *parrow Press" #$%$' contains the
poems from late #$%0 and most of #$%$" plus selections from five early chapbooks not covered by
the first three sections of this book+
Mockingbird .ish Me uck (/lack *parrow Press" #$9:' prints poems written from late #$%$ to
early #$9:+
*o" for my critics" readers" friends" enemies" e(8lovers and new lovers" the
present volume along with )ays and Mockingbird contain what I like to consider
my best work written over the past nineteen years+
3ach of these sections brings back special memories+
<or It Catches My Heart In Its Hands I was re=uired to make a trip to 2ew 6rleans+ The editor first
had to check me out to see if I was a decent human being+ Catching the train at the 5nion *tation
!ust below the Terminal -nne( of the Post 6ffice where I worked for 5ncle *am" I sat in the bar car
and drank scotch and water and sped toward 2ew 6rleans to be !udged and measured by an e(8
con who owned an ancient printing press+
1on .ebb believed that most writers (and he7d met some good ones
including *herwood -nderson" <aulkner" Hemingway' were detestable human beings when they
were away from their typewriters+ I arrived" they met me" 1on and his wife" ouise" we drank and
talked for two weeks" then 1on .ebb said" >?ou7re a bastard" /ukowski" but I7m going to publish
you anyhow+>
I left town+ /ut that wasn7t all+ *oon they were both in os -ngeles with their two dogs in a green
hotel !ust off skid row+ 4e8check+ )rink and talk+ I was still a bastard+ @oodbye+ Much leaving and
waving through train windows+ ouise cried through the glass+ It Catches was published +++
The bulk of the poems in Crucifi( In - )eathhand were written during one very
hot" lyrical month in 2ew 6rleans in the year #$%,+ I7d walk down the street and
I7d stagger" sober I7d stagger" hear churchbells" wounded dogs" wounded me" all that+ I had gone
into a slump or a blackout after the publication of It Catches" and 1on and ouise had brought me
back down to 2ew 6rleans+ I lived right around the corner from them with a fat" kind woman
whose e(8husband (who7d died' had come very close to being welterweight or middleweight
champion of the world" I forget which+
3ach night I went over to 1on and ouise7s and we drank until early morning at a small table in the
kitchen with the roaches running up and down the wall in front of us (they particularly liked to circle
around an unshaded lightbulb sticking out of
the wall' as we drank and talked+
I would go back to my place and awaken about #A:&A a+m+" =uite sick+ I7d dress
and walk over to 1on7s place+ The press was below street level and I7d peek down
at him before I knocked+ I could see him through the window" calm" cool" hardly
hungover at all" humming" and feeding pages of Crucifi( into the press+
>@ot any poems" /ukowskiB> he7d ask as I walked in+ (6ne had to be careful:
feeding poems into a waiting press can easily dissolve into !ournalism+'
1on would become downright unlaced if I didn7t have a handful of poems+ It
wasn7t as pleasant to be around that bastard then" and I7d find myself back in
my room beating the typer+ In the evening" if I brought him a little sheaf of
poems" his mood would be better+
*o I kept writing poems+ .e drank with the roaches" the place was small" and
pages ," %" 9 and 0 were stacked in the bathtub" nobody could bathe" and pages
#" :" & and ; were in a large trunk" and soon there wasn7t anyplace to put
anything+ There were 98and8one8half foot stacks of pages everywhere+ Cery
carefully we moved between them+ The bathtub had been useful but the bed was in the way+ *o
1on built a little loft out of discarded lumber+ Plus a stairway+
-nd 1on and ouise slept up there on a mattress and the bed was given away+
There was more floor space to stack the pages+ >/ukowski" /ukowski everywhereD
I am going craEyD> said ouise+ The roaches circled and we drank and the press
gulped my poems+ - very strange time" and that was Crucifi( +++
I used to go to 1ohn Thomas7 place and stay all night+ .e7d take pills and drink
and talk+ That is" 1ohn took the pills and I took the pills and drank" and we
both talked+ 1ohn was then in the habit of taping everything" whether it was
good or bad" dull or interesting" worthless or useful+ .e would listen to our
conversations the ne(t day" and it was a worthwhile process" at least for me+ I
realiEed how oafish and overbearing and off8target I often was" at least when I
was high+ -nd sometimes when I wasn7t+
-t one time during these tapings 1ohn asked that I bring over some poems and
read them+ I did+ -nd left the poems there and forgot about them+ The poems were thrown out with
the garbage+ Months passed+ 6ne day Thomas phoned me+ >Those poems" /ukowski" would
make a good book+>
>.hat poems" 1ohnB>
He said he had taken out the tape of my poems and had listened to it again+ >I7d have to type them
off the tape" it7s !ust too much work"> I said+ >I7ll type them up for you+> I agreed" and soon I had the
poems back in typescript form+
-t this time a balding red8haired man with a high" scrubbed forehead" meticulous
and kind" with a very faint" perpetual grin was coming by+ He worked as the
manager of an office furniture and supply company and was a collector of rare
books+ His name was 1ohn Martin+ He had published some of my poems as
broadsides+ He wrote me out checks as I sat in my kitchen across from him"
drinking beer and signing the broadsides+
It was the beginning of the /lack *parrow Press" a house that was soon to begin publishing a
large portion of -merica7s avant8garde poetry" but neither of us knew it then+
I showed 1ohn Martin the poems Thomas had typed off the tape for me+ I had
checked his transcriptions" and he7d done a careful" accurate !ob+ 1ohn Martin
took the poems home with him and phoned me a couple of days later: >?ou have a book there and
I7m going to publish it myself+>
-nd that7s how some almost lost poems were found again and printed in book form and the /lack
*parrow was flying+ I called the book -t Terror *treet -nd -gony .ay+
ooking at these poems written between #$,, and #$9& I like (for one reason or
another' the last poems best+ I am pleased with this+ I have" of course" no idea
what shape my future poems will take" or even if I will write any" because I
have no idea how long I will go on living" but since I began writing poetry
=uite late in life" at the age of &," I like to think they7ll give me a few
e(tra years now" at this end+ Meanwhile" the poems that follow will have to do+
Charles /ukowski
1anuary &A" #$9;
It Catches My Heart in Its Hands
Poems 1955-1963
lay down
lay down and wait like
an animal
he ra!e"# o$ he lea%es
1 I awakened to dryness and the ferns were dead,
2 the potted plants yellow as corn;
3 my woman was gone
and the empty !ottles l"ke !led corpses
5 s#rro#nded me w"th the"r #selessness;
$ the s#n was st"ll good, tho#gh,
7 and my landlady%s note cracked "n f"ne and
& #ndemand"ng yellowness; what was needed now
9 was a good comed"an, anc"ent style, a 'ester
1( w"th 'okes #pon a!s#rd pa"n; pa"n "s a!s#rd
11 !eca#se "t e)"sts, noth"ng more;
12 I sha*ed caref#lly w"th an old ra+or
13 the man who had once !een yo#ng and
1 sa"d to ha*e gen"#s; !#t
15 that%s the tragedy of the lea*es,
1$ the dead ferns, the dead plants;
17 and I walked "nto a dark hall
1& where the landlady stood
19 e)ecrat"ng and f"nal,
2( send"ng me to hell,
21 wa*"ng her fat, sweaty arms
22 and scream"ng
23 scream"ng for rent
2 !eca#se the world had fa"led #s
25 !oth,
o he whore who ook &# 'oe&s
1 some say we sho#ld keep personal remorse from the
2 poem,
3 stay a!stract, and there "s some reason "n th"s,
!#t 'e+#s;
5 twel*e poems gone and I don%t keep car!ons and yo# ha*e
$ my
7 pa"nt"ngs too, my !est ones; "t%s st"fl"ng-
& are yo# try"ng to cr#sh me o#t l"ke the rest of them.
9 why d"dn%t yo# take my money. they #s#ally do
1( from the sleep"ng dr#nken pants s"ck "n the corner,
11 ne)t t"me take my left arm or a f"fty
12 !#t not my poems-
13 I%m not /hakespeare
1 !#t somet"me s"mply
15 there won%t !e any more, a!stract or otherw"se;
1$ there%ll always !e money and whores and dr#nkards
17 down to the last !om!,
1& !#t as 0od sa"d,
19 cross"ng h"s legs,
2( I see where I ha*e made plenty of poets
21 !#t not so *ery m#ch
22 poetry,
he sae o$ worl" a$$airs $ro& a (r" $loor wi)"ow
1 I am watch"ng a g"rl dressed "n a
2 l"ght green sweater, !l#e shorts, long !lack stock"ngs;
3 there "s a necklace of some sort
!#t her !reasts are small, poor th"ng,
5 and she watches her na"ls
$ as her d"rty wh"te dog sn"ffs the grass
7 "n errat"c c"rcles;
& a p"geon "s there too, c"rcl"ng,
9 half dead w"th a t"ck of a !ra"n
1( and I am #psta"rs "n my #nderwear,
11 3 day !eard, po#r"ng a !eer and wa"t"ng
12 for someth"ng l"terary or symphon"c to happen;
13 !#t they keep, c"rcl"ng, c"rcl"ng, and a th"n old man
1 "n h"s last w"nter rolls !y p#shed !y a g"rl
15 "n a cathol"c school dress;
1$ somewhere there are the 1lps, and sh"ps
17 are now cross"ng the sea;
1& there are p"les and p"les of 2- and 1-!om!s,
19 eno#gh to !low #p f"fty worlds and 3ars thrown "n,
2( !#t they keep c"rcl"ng,
21 the g"rl sh"fts !#ttocks,
22 and the 2ollywood 2"lls stand there, stand there
23 f#ll of dr#nks and "nsane people and
2 m#ch k"ss"ng "n a#tomo!"les,
25 !#t "t%s no good- che sera, sera-
2$ her d"rty wh"te dog s"mply w"ll not sh"t,
27 and w"th a last look at her na"ls
2& she, w"th m#ch wh"rl"ng of !#ttocks
29 walks to her downsta"rs co#rt
3( tra"led !y her const"pated dog (s"mply not worr"ed),
31 lea*"ng me look"ng at a most #nsymphon"c p"geon,
32 well, from the looks of th"ngs, rela)-
33 the !om!s w"ll ne*er go off,
$or &aril#) &*
1 sl"pp"ng keenly "nto !r"ght ashes,
2 target of *an"lla tears
3 yo#r s#re !ody l"t candles for men
on dark n"ghts,
5 and now yo#r n"ght "s darker
$ than the candle%s reach
7 and we w"ll forget yo#, somewhat,
& and "t "s not k"nd
9 !#t real !od"es are nearer
1( and as the worms pant for yo#r !ones,
11 I wo#ld so l"ke to tell yo#
12 that th"s happens to !ears and elephants
13 to tyrants and heroes and ants
1 and frogs,
15 st"ll, yo# !ro#ght #s someth"ng,
1$ some type of small *"ctory,
17 and for th"s I say- good
1& and let #s gr"e*e no more;
19 l"ke a flower dr"ed and thrown away,
2( we forget, we remem!er,
21 we wa"t, ch"ld, ch"ld, ch"ld,
22 I ra"se my dr"nk a f#ll m"n#te
23 and sm"le,
he li$e o$ +oro"i)
1 the ne)t t"me yo# l"sten to 4orod"n
2 remem!er he was '#st a chem"st
3 who wrote m#s"c to rela);
h"s ho#se was 'ammed w"th people-
5 st#dents, art"sts, dr#nkards, !#ms,
$ and he ne*er knew how to say- no,
7 the ne)t t"me yo# l"sten to 4orod"n
& remem!er h"s w"fe #sed h"s compos"t"ons
9 to l"ne the cat !o)es w"th
1( or to co*er 'ars of so#r m"lk;
11 she had asthma and "nsomn"a
12 and fed h"m soft-!o"led eggs
13 and when he wanted to co*er h"s head
1 to sh#t o#t the so#nds of the ho#se
15 she only allowed h"m to #se the sheet;
1$ !es"des there was #s#ally some!ody
17 "n h"s !ed
1& (they slept separately when they slept
19 at all)
2( and s"nce all the cha"rs
21 were #s#ally taken
22 he often slept on the sta"rway
23 wrapped "n an old shawl;
2 she told h"m when to c#t h"s na"ls,
25 not to s"ng or wh"stle
2$ or p#t too m#ch lemon "n h"s tea
27 or press "t w"th a spoon;
2& /ymphony 52, "n 4 3"nor
29 6r"nce Igor
3( 7n the /teppes of 8entral 1s"a
31 he co#ld sleep only !y p#tt"ng a p"ece
32 of dark cloth o*er h"s eyes;
33 "n 1&&7 he attended a dance
3 at the 3ed"cal 1cademy
35 dressed "n a merrymak"ng nat"onal cost#me;
3$ at last he seemed e)cept"onally gay
37 and when he fell to the floor,
3& they tho#ght he was clown"ng,
39 the ne)t t"me yo# l"sten to 4orod"n,
( remem!er ,,,
)o ,har!e
1 th"s !a!e "n the grandstand
2 w"th dyed red ha"r
3 kept lean"ng her !reasts aga"nst me
and talk"ng a!o#t 0ardena
5 poker parlors
$ !#t I !lew smoke "nto
7 her face
& and told her a!o#t a 9an 0ogh
9 e)h"!"t"on
1( I%d seen #p on the h"ll
11 and that n"ght
12 when I took her home
13 she sa"d
1 4"g :ed was the !est horse
15 she%d e*er seen---
1$ #nt"l I str"pped down, ;ho#gh I
17 th"nk on the 9an 0ogh th"ng
1& they charged
19 5( cents,
a lierar# ro&a),e
1 I met her somehow thro#gh correspondence or poetry or maga+"nes
2 and she !egan send"ng me *ery se)y poems a!o#t rape and l#st,
3 and th"s !e"ng m")ed "n w"th a m"nor "ntellect#al"sm
conf#sed me somewhat and I got "n my car and dro*e <orth
5 thro#gh the mo#nta"ns and *alleys and freeways
$ w"tho#t sleep, com"ng off a dr#nk, '#st d"*orced,
7 'o!less, ag"ng, t"red, want"ng mostly to sleep
& for f"*e or ten years, I f"nally fo#nd the motel
9 "n a small s#nny town !y a d"rt road,
1( and I sat there smok"ng a c"garette
11 th"nk"ng, yo# m#st really !e "nsane,
12 and then I got o#t an ho#r late
13 to meet my date; she was pretty damned old,
1 almost as old as I, not *ery se)y
15 and she ga*e me a *ery hard raw apple
1$ wh"ch I chewed on w"th my rema"n"ng teeth;
17 she was dy"ng of some #nnamed d"sease
1& someth"ng l"ke asthma, and she sa"d,
19 I want to tell yo# a secret, and I sa"d,
2( I know- yo# are a *"rg"n, 35 years old,
21 and she got o#t a note!ook, ten or twel*e poems-
22 a l"fe%s work and I had to read them
23 and I tr"ed to !e k"nd
2 !#t they were *ery !ad,
25 and I took her somewhere, the !o)"ng matches,
2$ and she co#ghed "n the smoke
27 and kept look"ng aro#nd and aro#nd
2& at all the people
29 and then at the f"ghters
3( clench"ng her hands,
31 yo# ne*er get e)c"ted, do yo#. she asked,
32 !#t I got pretty e)c"ted "n the h"lls that n"ght,
33 and met her three or fo#r more t"mes
3 helped her w"th some of her poems
35 and she rammed her tong#e halfway down my throat
3$ !#t when I left her
37 she was st"ll a *"rg"n
3& and a *ery !ad poetess,
39 I th"nk that when a woman has kept her legs closed
( for 35 years
1 "t%s too late
2 e"ther for lo*e
3 or for
poetry,
he wi)s
1 he h"nted at t"mes that I was a !astard and I told h"m to l"sten
2 to 4rahms, and I told h"m to learn to pa"nt and dr"nk and not !e
3 dom"nated !y women and dollars
!#t he screamed at me, =or 8hr"st%s /ake remem!er yo#r mother,
5 remem!er yo#r co#ntry,
$ yo#%ll k"ll #s all> ,,,
7 I mo*e thro#gh my father%s ho#se (on wh"ch he owed ?&,((( after 2(
& years on the same 'o!) and look at h"s dead shoes
9 the way h"s feet c#rled the leather, as "f he was angr"ly plant"ng roses,
1( and he was, and I look at h"s dead c"garette, h"s last c"garette
11 and the last !ed he slept "n that n"ght, and I feel I sho#ld remake
"t
12 !#t I can%t, for a father "s always yo#r master e*en when he%s gone;
13 I g#ess these th"ngs ha*e happened t"me and aga"n !#t I can%t help
1 th"nk"ng
15 to d"e on a k"tchen floor at 7 o%clock "n the morn"ng
1$ wh"le other people are fry"ng eggs
17 "s not so ro#gh
1& #nless "t happens to yo#,
19 I go o#ts"de and p"ck an orange and peel !ack the !r"ght sk"n;
2( th"ngs are st"ll l"*"ng- the grass "s grow"ng @#"te well,
21 the s#n sends down "ts rays c"rcled !y a :#ss"an satell"te,
22 a dog !arks senselessly somewhere, the ne"gh!ors peek !eh"nd !l"nds,
23 I am a stranger here, and ha*e !een (I s#ppose) somewhat the rog#e,
2 and I ha*e no do#!t he pa"nted me @#"te well (the old !oy and I
25 fo#ght l"ke mo#nta"n l"ons) and they say he left "t all to some woman
2$ "n A#arte !#t I don%t g"*e a damn---she can ha*e "t- he was my old
27 man
2& and he d"ed,
29 "ns"de, I try on a l"ght !l#e s#"t
3( m#ch !etter than anyth"ng I ha*e e*er worn
31 and I flap the arms l"ke a scarecrow "n the w"nd
32 !#t "t%s no good-
33 I can%t keep h"m al"*e
3 no matter how m#ch we hated each other,
35 we looked e)actly al"ke, we co#ld ha*e !een tw"ns
3$ the old man and I- that%s what they
37 sa"d, he had h"s !#l!s on the screen
3& ready for plant"ng
39 wh"le I was ly"ng w"th a whore from 3rd street,
( *ery well, grant #s th"s moment- stand"ng !efore a m"rror
1 "n my dead father%s s#"t
2 wa"t"ng also
3 to d"e,
he "a# i rai)e" a he los a)!eles ,ou)# &useu&
1 the 'ew !ent o*er and
2 d"ed, 99 mach"ne g#ns
3 were sh"pped to =rance, some!ody won the 3rd race
wh"le I "nspected
5 the propeller of an old monoplane
$ a man came !y w"th a patch o*er h"s eye, "t !egan to
7 ra"n, "t ra"ned and "t ra"ned and the am!#lances ran
& together
9 "n the streets, and altho#gh
1( e*eryth"ng was properly d#ll
11 I en'oyed the moment
12 l"ke the t"me "n <ew 7rleans
13 l"*"ng on candy !ars
1 and watch"ng the p"geons
15 "n a !ack alley w"th a =rench name
1$ as !eh"nd me the r"*er !ecame
17 a g#lf
1& and the clo#ds mo*ed s"ckly thro#gh
19 a sky that had d"ed
2( a!o#t the t"me 8aesar was kn"fed,
21 and I prom"sed myself then
22 that someday I%d remem!er "t
23 as "t was,
2 a man came !y and co#ghed,
25 th"nk "t%ll stop ra"n"ng. he sa"d,
2$ I d"dn%t answer, I to#ched the
27 old propeller and l"stened to the
2& ants on the roof r#sh"ng o*er
29 the edge of the world, go away, I sa"d,
3( go away or I%ll call
31 the g#ard,
- '*&* +eer
1 noth"ng matters
2 !#t flopp"ng on a mattress
3 w"th cheap dreams and a !eer
as the lea*es d"e and the horses d"e
5 and the landlad"es stare "n the halls;
$ !r"sk the m#s"c of p#lled shades,
7 a last man%s ca*e
& "n an etern"ty of swarm
9 and e)plos"on;
1( noth"ng !#t the dr"pp"ng s"nk,
11 the empty !ottle,
12 e#phor"a,
13 yo#th fenced "n,
1 sta!!ed and sha*en,
15 ta#ght words
1$ propped #p
17 to d"e
hoora# sa# he roses
1 hooray say the roses, today "s !lamesday
2 and we are red as !lood,
3 hooray say the roses, today "s Bednesday
and we !loom where sold"ers fell,
5 and lo*ers too,
$ and the snake ate the word,
7 hooray say the roses, darkness comes
& all at once, l"ke l"ghts gone o#t,
9 the s#n lea*es dark cont"nents
1( and rows of stone,
11 hooray say the roses, cannons and sp"res,
12 !"rds, !ees, !om!ers, today "s =r"day
13 the hand hold"ng a medal o#t the w"ndow,
1 a moth go"ng !y, half a m"le an ho#r,
15 hooray hooray
1$ hooray say the roses
17 we wa*e emp"res on o#r stems,
1& the s#n mo*es the mo#th-
19 hooray hooray hooray
2( and that "s why yo# l"ke #s,
he su)"a# aris
1 I ha*e !een pa"nt"ng these last two /#ndays;
2 "t%s not m#ch, yo#%re correct,
3 !#t "n th"s to#rnament great dreams !reak-
h"story remo*es her dress and !ecomes a harlot,
5 and I ha*e awakened "n the morn"ng
$ to see eagles flapp"ng the"r w"ngs l"ke shades;
7 I ha*e met 3onta"gne and 6h"d"as
& "n the flames of my waste!asket,
9 I ha*e met !ar!ar"ans on the streets
1( the"r heads rock"ng w"th rodents;
11 I ha*e seen w"cked "nfants "n !l#e t#!s
12 want"ng stems as !ea#t"f#l as flowers,
13 and I ha*e seen the !arfly s"ck
1 o*er h"s last dead penny;
15 I ha*e heard Aomen"co ;heotocopo#los
1$ on n"ghts of frost, co#gh "n h"s gra*e;
17 and 0od, no taller than a landlady,
1& ha"r dyed red, has asked me the t"me;
19 I ha*e seen grey grass of lo*ers "n my m"rror
2( wh"le l"ght"ng a c"garette to a man"ac%s appla#se;
21 8ad"llacs ha*e crawled my walls l"ke roaches,
22 goldf"sh wh"rl my !owl, hand-tamed t"gers;
23 yes, I ha*e !een pa"nt"ng these /#ndays---
2 the grey m"ll, the new re!el; "t%s terr"!le really-
25 I m#st ram my f"st thro#gh cleanser and chlor"ne,
2$ thro#gh 1ndernach and apples and ac"d,
27 !#t, then, I really sho#ld tell yo# that I ha*e a
2& woman aro#nd m")"ng waffle flo#r and s"ng"ng,
29 and the pa"nt st"cks to my plan l"ke candy,
ol" 'oe
1 I wo#ld, of co#rse, prefer to !e w"th the fo) "n the ferns
2 "nstead of w"th a photograph of an old /pad "n my pocket
3 to the so#nd of the an*"l chor#s and legs legs legs
g"rls k"ck"ng h"gh, show"ng e*eryth"ng !#t the p"sser,
5 !#t I m"ght as well !e dead r"ght now
$ e*erywhere the "ll w"nd !lows
7 and Ceats "s dead
& and I am dy"ng too,
9 for there "s noth"ng as crappy d"ssol#te
1( as an old poet gone so#r
11 "n !ody and m"nd
12 and l#ck, the horses r#nn"ng noth"ng !#t o#t,
13 the 9egas d"ce cancer to the th"n green wallet,
1 /hostako*"ch heard too often
15 and cans of !eer s#cked thro#gh a straw,
1$ w"th mo#th and m"nd !roken "n
17 yo#ng men%s alleys,
1& "n the hot noon w"ndow
19 I sw"ng and m"ss a ra++"ng fly,
2( and ho, I fall hea*y as th#nder
21 !#t downsta"rs they%ll #nderstand-
22 he%s e"ther dr#nk or dy"ng,
23 an old poet nodd"ng *ag#ely "n halls,
2 crack"ng h"s st"ck across the !acks
25 of "nnocent dogs
2$ and sp"tt"ng o#t
27 what%s left of h"s s#n,
2& the ma"lman has some l"ttle th"ng for h"m
29 wh"ch he takes to h"s room
3( and opens l"ke a rose,
31 only to scream lo#dly and *a"nly,
32 and h"s coff"n "s f"lled
33 w"th notes from hell,
3 !#t "n the morn"ng yo#%ll see h"m
35 pack"ng off l"ttle en*elopes,
3$ st"ll worr"ed a!o#t
37 rent
3& c"garettes
39 w"ne
( women
1 horses,
2 st"ll worr"ed a!o#t
3 Dr"c 8oates, 4eetho*en%s 3rd and
someth"ng 8h"cago has held for three months
5 and h"s paper !ag of w"ne
$ and 6all 3alls,
7 2 "n 1#g#st, 2,
& the rats walk"ng h"s !ra"n
9 eat"ng #p the tho#ghts !efore they
5( can make the keys,
51 old poets are as !ad as old @#eers-
52 there%s someth"ng @#"te #naccepta!le-
53 the ed"tors w"sh to thank yo# for
5 s#!m"tt"ng !#t
55 regret ,,,
5$ down
57 down
5& down
59 the dark hall
$( "nto a womanless hall
$1 to peel a last egg
$2 and s"t down to the keys-
$3 cl"ck cl"ck a cl"ck,
$ o*er the tele*"s"on so#nds
$5 o*er the so#nds of spr"ngs,
$$ cl"ck clack a clack-
$7 another old poet
$& go"ng off,
he ra,e
1 "t "s l"ke th"s
2 when yo# sl"p down,
3 done l"ke a wo#nd-#p *"ctrola
(yo# remem!er those.)
5 and yo# go downtown
$ and watch the !oys p#nch
7 !#t the !"g !londes s"t w"th
& someone else
9 and yo#%*e aged l"ke a p#nk "n a mo*"e-
1( c"gar "n sk#ll, fat g#t,
11 !#t only no money,
12 no w"seness of way, no worldl"ness,
13 !#t as #s#al
1 most of the f"ghts are !ad,
15 and afterwards
1$ !ack "n the park"ng lot
17 yo# s"t and watch them go,
1& l"ght the last c"gar,
19 and then start the old car,
2( old car, not so yo#ng man
21 go"ng down the street
22 stopped !y a red l"ght
23 as "f t"me were no pro!lem,
2 and they come #p to yo#-
25 a car f#ll of yo#ng,
2$ la#gh"ng,
27 and yo# watch them go
2& #nt"l
29 some!ody !eh"nd yo# honks
3( and yo# are shaken !ack
31 "nto what "s left
32 of yo#r l"fe,
33 p"t"f#l, self-p"ty,
3 and yo#r foot "s to the floor
35 and yo# catch the yo#ng ones,
3$ yo# pass the yo#ng ones
37 and hold"ng the wheel l"ke all lo*e gone
3& yo# race to the !each
39 w"th them
( !rand"sh"ng yo#r c"gar and yo#r steel,
1 la#gh"ng,
2 yo# w"ll take them to the ocean
3 to the last merma"d,
seaweed and shark, merry whale,
5 end of flesh and ho#r and horror,
$ and f"nally they stop
7 and yo# go on
& toward yo#r ocean,
9 the c"gar !"t"ng yo#r l"ps
5( the way lo*e #sed to,
%e!as
1 there was a fro+en tree that I wanted to pa"nt
2 !#t the shells came down
3 and "n 9egas look"ng across at a green s#nshade
at 3-3( "n the morn"ng,
5 I d"ed w"tho#t na"ls, w"tho#t a copy of the 1tlant"c 3onthly,
$ the w"ndows screamed l"ke do*es moan"ng the !om!"ng of 3"lan
7 and I went o#t to l"*e w"th the rats
& !#t the l"ghts were too !r"ght
9 and I tho#ght may!e I%d !etter go !ack and s"t "n a
1( poetry class-
11 a mar*elo#s descr"pt"on of a ga+elle
12 "s hell;
13 the cross s"ts l"ke a fly on my w"ndow,
1 my mother%s !reath st"rs small lea*es
15 "n my m"nd;
1$ and I h"tch-h"ked !ack to E,1, thro#gh hango*er clo#ds
17 and I p#lled a letter from my pocket and read "t
1& and the tr#ckdr"*er sa"d, what%s that.
19 and I sa"d, there%s some gal #p <orth who #sed to
2( sleep w"th 6o#nd, she%s try"ng to tell me that 2,A,
21 was o#r greatest scr"!e; well, 2"lda ga*e #s a few p"nk
22 0rec"an gods "n w"th the ch"naware, !#t after read"ng her
23 I st"ll ha*e 1( "c"cles hang"ng from my !ones,
2 I%m not go"ng all the way to E,1,, the tr#ckdr"*er sa"d,
25 "t%s all r"ght, I sa"d, the calla l"l"es nod to o#r m"nds
2$ and someday we%ll all go home
27 together,
2& "n fact, he sa"d, th"s "s as far
29 as we go,
3( so I let h"m ha*e "t; old w"thered whore of t"me
31 yo#r !reasts taste the so#r cream of dream"ng ,,,
32 he let me o#t
33 "n the m"ddle of the desert;
3 to d"e "s to d"e "s to d"e,
35 old phonographs "n cellars,
3$ 'oe d" magg"o,
37 maga+"nes "n w"th the on"ons ,,,
3& an old =ord p"cked me #p
39 5 m"n#tes later
( and, th"s t"me,
1 I kept my mo#th
2 sh#t
he house
1 they are !#"ld"ng a ho#se
2 half a !lock down
3 and I s"t #p here
w"th the shades down
5 l"sten"ng to the so#nds,
$ the hammers po#nd"ng "n na"ls,
7 thack thack thack thack,
& and then I hear !"rds, and
9 thack thack thack
1( and I go to !ed,
11 I p#ll the co*ers to my throat;
12 they ha*e !een !#"ld"ng th"s ho#se
13 for a month, and soon "t w"ll ha*e
1 "ts people ,,, sleep"ng, eat"ng,
15 lo*"ng, mo*"ng aro#nd,
1$ !#t somehow
17 now
1& "t "s not r"ght,
19 there seems a madness,
2( men walk on "ts top w"th na"ls "n the"r mo#ths
21 and I read a!o#t 8astro and 8#!a,
22 and at n"ght I walk !y
23 and the r"!s of ho#se show
2 and "ns"de I can see cats walk"ng
25 the way cats walk,
2$ and then a !oy r"des !y on a !"cycle,
27 and st"ll the ho#se "s not done
2& and "n the morn"ng the men
29 w"ll !e !ack
3( walk"ng aro#nd on the ho#se
31 w"th the"r hammers,
32 and "t seems people sho#ld not !#"ld ho#ses
33 anymore,
3 "t seems people sho#ld stop work"ng
35 and s"t "n small rooms
3$ on second floors
37 #nder electr"c l"ghts w"tho#t shades;
3& "t seems there "s a lot to forget
39 and a lot not to do
( and "n dr#gstores, markets, !ars,
1 the people are t"red, they do not want
3$F
2 to mo*e, and I stand there at n"ght
3 and look thro#gh th"s ho#se and the
ho#se does not want to !e !#"lt;
5 thro#gh "ts s"des I can see the p#rple h"lls
$ and the f"rst l"ghts of e*en"ng,
7 and "t "s cold
& and I !#tton my coat
9 and I stand there look"ng thro#gh the ho#se
5( and the cats stop and look at me
51 #nt"l I am em!arrassed
52 and mo*e <orth #p the s"dewalk
53 where I w"ll !#y
5 c"garettes and !eer
55 and ret#rn to my room,
si"e o$ he su)
1 the !#lls are grand as the s"de of the s#n
2 and altho#gh they k"ll them for the stale crowds,
3 "t "s the !#ll that !#rns the f"re,
and altho#gh there are cowardly !#lls as
5 there are cowardly matadors and cowardly men,
$ generally the !#ll stands p#re
7 and d"es p#re
& #nto#ched !y sym!ols or cl"@#es or false lo*es,
9 and when they drag h"m o#t
1( noth"ng has d"ed
11 someth"ng has passed
12 and the e*ent#al stench
13 "s the world,
he alkers
1 the !oy walks w"th h"s m#ddy feet across my
2 so#l
3 talk"ng a!o#t rec"tals, *"rt#os", cond#ctors,
the lesser known no*els of Aostoe*sky;
5 talk"ng a!o#t how he corrected a wa"tress,
$ a hasher who d"dn%t know that =rench dress"ng
7 was composed of so and so;
& he ga!!les a!o#t the 1rts #nt"l
9 I hate the 1rts,
1( and there "s noth"ng cleaner
11 than gett"ng !ack to a !ar or
12 !ack to the track and watch"ng them r#n,
13 watch"ng th"ngs go w"tho#t th"s
1 clamor and chatter,
15 talk, talk, talk,
1$ the small mo#th go"ng, the eyes !l"nk"ng,
17 a !oy, a ch"ld, s"ck w"th the 1rts,
1& gra!!"ng at "t l"ke the sk"rt of a mother,
19 and I wonder how many tens of tho#sands
2( there are l"ke h"m across the land
21 on ra"ny n"ghts
22 on s#nny morn"ngs
23 on e*en"ngs meant for peace
2 "n concert halls
25 "n cafes
2$ at poetry rec"tals
27 talk"ng, so"l"ng, arg#"ng,
2& "t%s l"ke a p"g go"ng to !ed
29 w"th a good woman
3( and yo# don%t want
31 the woman any more,
a 'leasa) a$er)oo) i) +e"
1 red s#mmers and !lack sat"n
2 charcoal and !lood
3 r"ng"ng the sheets
wh"le sna"ls are stepped on
5 and moths go !atty
$ try"ng to p#t on the eyes
7 of l"ght!#l!s "n
& art"f"c"al c"t"es;
9 I l"ght her a c"garette
1( and she !lows #p a plasma
11 of rela)at"on
12 to pro*e we%*e !oth !een
13 good lo*ers---
1 wh"te on !lack, and "n !lack;
15 and her toes str"ke dark
1$ "ntersect"ons
17 "n my !eefy sheets
1& she says, that ele*ator !oy ,,,
19 y%know h"m.
2( I say yes,
21 a !astard ,,, !eats h"s w"fe,
22 I p#t my hand
23 flat to the s#rface
2 where the c#r*e goes down,
25 damn for an 7EA man,
2$ yo# s#re l"kes to play>
27 I reach o*er and p"ck #p
2& the !ottle, s#ck "t down
29 flat on my !ack,
3( the s#ds l"ke soap
31 gagg"ng me w"th g#lp-d#ll
32 so#nds, and she%s l"sten"ng,
33 eyes roll"ng
3 l"ke newsreel cameras,
35 and s#ddenly I ha*e got to la#gh,
3$ I sp"ral o#t a whale-stream
37 of foam and l"@#"d
3& ma'est"c aga"nst the wallpaper
39 not know"ng why,
( and she la#ghs
1 look"ng down at my flat madness,
2 she la#ghs
3 hold"ng her c"garette
h"gh "n the a"r
5 w"th one arm
$ smoke s"ft"ng off
7 "gnored
& and we are "n !ed together
9 la#gh"ng
5( and we don%t care
51 a!o#t anyth"ng
52 and "t "s *ery
53 *ery f#nny,
he 'ries a)" he &aa"or
1 "n the slow 3e)"can a"r I watched the !#ll d"e
2 and they c#t off h"s ear, and h"s great head held
3 no more terror than a rock,
dr"*"ng !ack the ne)t day we stopped at the 3"ss"on
5 and watched the golden red and !l#e flowers p#ll"ng
$ l"ke t"gers "n the w"nd,
7 set th"s to metr"c- the !#ll, and the fort of 8hr"st-
& the matador on h"s knees, the dead !#ll h"s !a!y;
9 and the pr"est star"ng from the w"ndow
1( l"ke a caged !ear,
11 yo# may arg#e "n the market place and p#ll at yo#r
12 do#!ts w"th s"lken str"ngs- I w"ll only tell yo#
13 th"s- I ha*e l"*ed "n !oth the"r temples,
1 !el"e*"ng all and noth"ng---perhaps, now, they w"ll
15 d"e "n m"ne
lo%e . $a&e . "eah
1 "t s"ts o#ts"de my w"ndow now
2 l"ke an old woman go"ng to market;
3 "t s"ts and watches me,
"t sweats ner*o#sly
5 thro#gh w"re and fog and dog-!ark
$ #nt"l s#ddenly
7 I slam the screen w"th a newspaper
& l"ke slapp"ng at a fly
9 and yo# co#ld hear the scream
1( o*er th"s pla"n c"ty,
11 and then "t left,
12 the way to end a poem
13 l"ke th"s
1 "s to !ecome s#ddenly
15 @#"et,
&# $aher
1 he carr"ed a p"ece of
2 car!on, a !lade and a wh"p
3 and at n"ght he
feared h"s head
5 and co*ered "t w"th !lankets
$ #nt"l one morn"ng "n Eos 1ngeles
7 "t snowed
& and I saw the snow
9 and I knew that my father
1( co#ld control noth"ng,
11 and when
12 I got somewhat larger
13 and took my f"rst !o)car
1 o#t, I sat there "n
15 the l"me
1$ the !#rn"ng l"me
17 of ha*"ng noth"ng
1& mo*"ng "nto the desert
19 for the f"rst t"me
2( I sang,
he +ir"
1 red-eyed and d"++y as I
2 the !"rd came fly"ng
3 all the way from Dgypt
at 5 o%clock "n the morn"ng,
5 and 3ar"a almost st#m!led on her sp"kes-
$ what was "t, a rocket.
7 and we went #psta"rs,
& I po#red two glasses of port
9 and we sat there as the money-gr#!!ers
1( were !elled o#t of the"r m"sera!le nests
11 and 3ar"a went "n and watered
12 the !owl
13 and I sat there r#!!"ng my three-day !eard
1 th"nk"ng a!o#t the cra+y !"rd
15 and "t came o#t l"ke th"s-
1$ all that really mattered was
17 go"ng someplace
1& the faster the !etter
19 !eca#se "t left less wa"t"ng
2( to d"e, 3ar"a came o#t
21 and peeled !ack the co*ers
22 and I tore off my greasy clothes
23 and crawled !eneath the sweaty sheets,
2 clos"ng my eyes to the so#nd and the s#nl"ght,
25 and I heard her drop her sp"ked feet
2$ and her fro+en toes walked the !acks of my cal*es
27 and I named the !"rd
2& 3r, 1mer"ca
29 and then @#"ckly I went to sleep,
he si)!ular sel$
1 there are these small cl"ffs
2 a!o*e the sea
3 and "t "s n"ght, late n"ght;
I ha*e !een #na!le to sleep,
5 and w"th my car a!o*e me
$ l"ke a steel mother
7 I crawl down the cl"ffs,
& !reak"ng !"ts of rock
9 and !e"ng scratched !y w"tless
1( and scra!!y seaplants,
11 I make my way down
12 cl#msy, m"splaced,
13 an odd"ty on the shore,
1 and all aro#nd me are the lo*ers,
15 the two-headed !easts
1$ t#rn"ng to stare
17 at the madness
1& of a s"ng#lar self;
19 shamed, I mo*e on thro#gh them
2( to cl"m! a row of wet !o#lders that
21 !reak the sea-stroke
22 "nto sheaths of wh"te;
23 the moonl"ght "s wet
2 on the !ald stone
25 and now that I%m there
2$ I don%t want to !e there
27 the sea st"nks
2& and makes fl#sh"ng so#nds
29 l"ke a to"let
3( "t "s a !ad place to d"e;
31 any place "s a !ad place to d"e,
32 !#t !etter a yellow room
33 w"th known walls and d#sty
3 lampshades; so ,,,
35 st"ll st#p"dly off-co#rse
3$ l"ke a 'ackal "n a land of l"ons,
37 I make my way !ack thro#gh
3& them, thro#gh the"r !lankets
39 and f"res and k"sses and sandy th#mp"ngs,
( !ack #p the cl"ff I cl"m!
1 worse off, k"ck"ng clods,
2 and there the !lack sky, the !lack sea
3 !eh"nd me
lost "n the game,
5 and I ha*e left my shoes down there
$ w"th them 2 empty shoes,
7 and "n the car
& I start the eng"ne,
9 headl"ghts on I !ack away,
5( sw"ng left dr"*e Dast,
51 cl"m! #p the land and o#t,
52 !are feet on worn r"!!ed r#!!er
53 o#t of there
5 look"ng for
55 another place,
a (/0 "ollar horse a)" a hu)"re" "ollar whore
1 don%t e*er get the "dea I am a poet; yo# can see me
2 at the racetrack any day half dr#nk
3 !ett"ng @#arters, s"dewheelers and stra"ght thoro#ghs,
!#t let me tell yo#, there are some women there
5 who go where the money goes, and somet"mes when yo#
$ look at these whores these oneh#ndreddollar whores
7 yo# wonder somet"mes "f nat#re "sn%t play"ng a 'oke
& deal"ng o#t so m#ch !reast and ass and the way
9 "t%s all h#ng together, yo# look and yo# look and
1( yo# look and yo# can%t !el"e*e "t; there are ord"nary women
11 and then there "s someth"ng else that wants to make yo#
12 tear #p pa"nt"ngs and !reak al!#ms of 4eetho*en
13 across the !ack of the 'ohn; anyhow, the season
1 was dragg"ng and the !"g !oys were gett"ng !#sted,
15 all the non-pros, the prod#cers, the cameramen,
1$ the p#shers of 3ary, the f#r salesmen, the owners
17 themsel*es, and /a"nt Eo#"e was r#nn"ng th"s day-
1& a s"dewheeler that !roke when he got "n close;
19 he ran w"th h"s head down and was mean and #gly
2( and 35 to 1, and I p#t a ten down on h"m,
21 the dr"*er !roke h"m w"de
22 took h"m o#t !y the fence where he%d !e alone
23 e*en "f he had to tra*el fo#r t"mes as far,
2 and that%s the way he went "t
25 all the way !y the o#ter fence
2$ tra*el"ng two m"les "n one
27 and he won l"ke he was mad as hell
2& and he wasn%t e*en t"red,
29 and the !"ggest !londe of all
3( all ass and !reast, hardly anyth"ng else
31 went to the payoff w"ndow w"th me,
32 that n"ght I co#ldn%t destroy her
33 altho#gh the spr"ngs shot sparks
3 and they po#nded on the walls,
35 later she sat there "n her sl"p
3$ dr"nk"ng 7ld 0randad
37 and she sa"d
3& what%s a g#y l"ke yo# do"ng
39 l"*"ng "n a d#mp l"ke th"s.
( and I sa"d
1 I%m a poet
2 and she threw !ack her !ea#t"f#l head and la#ghed,
3 yo#. yo# ,,, a poet.
I g#ess yo#%re r"ght, I sa"d, I g#ess yo#%re r"ght,
5 !#t st"ll she looked good to me, she st"ll looked good,
$ and all thanks to an #gly horse
7 who wrote th"s poem,
II
8r#c"f") "n a Aeathhand
6oems 19$3-19$5
Dp"graph
the dark "s empty;
most of o#r heroes ha*e !een
wrong
%iew $ro& he s,ree)
1 I cross the room
2 to the last wall
3 the last w"ndow
the last p"nk s#n
5 w"th "ts arms aro#nd the world
$ w"th "ts arms aro#nd me
7 I hear the death-wh"sper of the heron
& the !one-tho#ghts of sea-th"ngs
9 that are almost rock;
1( th"s screen ca*ed l"ke a so#l
11 and scrawled w"th fl"es,
12 my tens"ons and damnat"ons
13 are those of a p"g,
1 p"nk s#n p"nk s#n
15 I hate yo#r hol"ness
1$ crawl"ng yo#r g"lded cross of l"fe
17 as my f"ngers and feet and face
1& come down to th"s
19 sleep"ng w"th the whore of yo#r fancy w"fe
2( yo# m#st some day d"e for noth"ng
21 as I
22 ha*e l"*ed,
,ru,i$i1 i) a "eahha)"
1 yes, they !eg"n o#t "n a w"llow, I th"nk
2 the starch mo#nta"ns !eg"n o#t "n the w"llow
3 and keep r"ght on go"ng w"tho#t regard for
p#mas and nectar"nes
5 somehow these mo#nta"ns are l"ke
$ an old woman w"th a !ad memory and
7 a shopp"ng !asket,
& we are "n a !as"n, that "s the
9 "dea, down "n the sand and the alleys,
1( th"s land p#nched-"n, c#ffed-o#t, d"*"ded,
11 held l"ke a cr#c"f") "n a deathhand,
12 th"s land !o#ght, resold, !o#ght aga"n and
13 sold aga"n, the wars long o*er,
1 the /pan"ards all the way !ack "n /pa"n
15 down "n the th"m!le aga"n, and now
1$ real estaters, s#!d"*"ders, landlords, freeway
17 eng"neers arg#"ng, th"s "s the"r land and
1& I walk on "t, l"*e on "t a l"ttle wh"le
19 near 2ollywood here I see yo#ng men "n rooms
2( l"sten"ng to gla+ed record"ngs
21 and I th"nk too of old men s"ck of m#s"c
22 s"ck of e*eryth"ng, and death l"ke s#"c"de
23 I th"nk "s somet"mes *ol#ntary, and to get yo#r
2 hold on the land here "t "s !est to ret#rn to the
25 0rand 8entral 3arket, see the old 3e)"can women,
2$ the poor ,,, I am s#re yo# ha*e seen these same women
27 many years !efore
2& arg#"ng
29 w"th the same yo#ng Gapanese clerks
3( w"tty, knowledgea!le and golden
31 among the"r soar"ng store of oranges, apples
32 a*ocados, tomatoes, c#c#m!ers---
33 and yo# know how these look, they do look good
3 as "f yo# co#ld eat them all
35 l"ght a c"gar and smoke away the !ad world,
3$ then "t%s !est to go !ack to the !ars, the same !ars
37 wooden, stale, merc"less, green
3& w"th the yo#ng pol"ceman walk"ng thro#gh
39 scared and look"ng for tro#!le,
( and the !eer "s st"ll !ad
1 "t has an edge that already m")es w"th *om"t and
2 decay, and yo#%*e got to !e strong "n the shadows
3 to "gnore "t, to "gnore the poor and to "gnore yo#rself
and the shopp"ng !ag !etween yo#r legs
5 down there feel"ng good w"th "ts a*ocados and
$ oranges and fresh f"sh and w"ne !ottles, who needs
7 a =ort Ea#derdale w"nter.
& 25 years ago there #sed to !e a whore there
9 w"th a f"lm o*er one eye, who was too fat
5( and made l"ttle s"l*er !ells o#t of c"garette
51 t"nfo"l, the s#n seemed warmer then
52 altho#gh th"s was pro!a!ly not
53 tr#e, and yo# take yo#r shopp"ng !ag
5 o#ts"de and walk along the street
55 and the green !eer hangs there
5$ '#st a!o*e yo#r stomach l"ke
57 a short and shamef#l shawl, and
5& yo# look aro#nd and no longer
59 see any
$( old men,
!rass
1 at the w"ndow
2 I watch a man w"th a
3 power mower
the so#nds of h"s do"ng race l"ke
5 fl"es and !ees
$ on the wallpaper,
7 "t "s l"ke a warm f"re, and
& !etter than eat"ng steak,
9 and the grass "s green eno#gh
1( and the s#n "s s#n eno#gh
11 and what%s left of my l"fe
12 stands there
13 check"ng gl"nts of green fly"ng;
1 "t "s a g"ant d"sro!"ng of
15 care, st#m!l"ng away from
1$ do"ng,
17 s#ddenly I #nderstand
1& old men "n rockers
19 !ats "n 8olorado ca*es
2( t"ny l"ce crawl"ng "nto
21 the eyes of dead !"rds,
22 !ack and forth
23 he follows h"s gasol"ne
2 so#nd, "t "s
25 "nterest"ng eno#gh,
2$ w"th
27 the streets
2& flat on the"r /pr"ng !acks
29 and sm"l"ng,
$u22
1 3 small !oys r#n toward me
2 !low"ng wh"stles
3 and they scream
yo#%re #nder arrest>
5 yo#%re dr#nk>
$ and they !eg"n
7 h"tt"ng me on the legs w"th
& the"r toy cl#!s,
9 one e*en has a
1( !adge, another has
11 handc#ffs !#t my hands are h"gh "n the a"r,
12 when I go "nto the l"@#or store
13 they wh"rl aro#nd o#ts"de
1 l"ke !ees
15 sh#t o#t from the"r nest,
1$ I !#y a f"fth of cheap
17 wh"skey
1& and
19 3
2( candy !ars,
)o la"# !o"i%a
1 she came to my place dr#nk
2 r"d"ng a deer #p on the front porch-
3 so many women want to sa*e the world
!#t can%t keep the"r own k"tchens stra"ght,
5 !#t me ,,,
$ we went "ns"de where I l"t three red
7 candles
& po#red the w"ne and I took notes on
9 her-
1( lat"t#de !eh"nd,
11 long"t#de "n
12 front, and the
13 rest, ama+-
1 "ng, a woman s#ch as th"s
15 co#ld f"nd
1$ a +"nn"a "n 2ot /pr"ngs
17 1rkansas,
1& we ate *en"son for three weeks,
19 then she slept w"th the landlord to help pay
2( the rent,
21 then I fo#nd her a 'o! as a wa"tress,
22 I slept all day and when she came home
23 I was f#ll of the !r"ll"ant con*ersat"on that she
2 so m#ch
25 adored,
2$ she d"ed @#"ckly one n"ght lea*"ng the world
27 m#ch the way "t had
2& !een,
29 now I get #p early and
3( go down to the load"ng docks and wa"t for
31 ca!!ages
32 oranges
33 potatoes
3 to fall from the tr#cks or to !e
35 thrown away,
3$ !y noon I ha*e eaten and am asleep
37 dream"ng of pay"ng the rent
3& w"th n#m!ered ch#nks of plast"c
39 "ss#ed !y a !etter
( world,
he workers
1 they la#gh cont"n#ally
2 e*en when
3 a !oard falls down
and destroys a face
5 or d"storts a
$ !ody
7 they cont"n#e to
& la#gh,
9 when the color of the eye
1( !ecomes a fearf#l pale
11 !eca#se of the poor
12 l"ght
13 they st"ll la#gh;
1 wr"nkled and "m!ec"le
15 at an early age
1$ they 'oke a!o#t "t-
17 a man who looks s")ty
1& w"ll say
19 I%m 32, and
2( then they%ll la#gh
21 they%ll all la#gh;
22 they are somet"mes let
23 o#ts"de for a l"ttle a"r
2 !#t are cha"ned to ret#rn
25 !y cha"ns they wo#ld not
2$ !reak
27 "f they co#ld;
2& e*en o#ts"de, among
29 free men
3( they cont"n#e to la#gh,
31 they walk a!o#t
32 w"th a ho!!led and "nane
33 ga"t
3 as "f they%d lost the"r
35 senses; o#ts"de
3$ they chew a l"ttle !read,
37 haggle, sleep, co#nt the"r penn"es,
3& ga+e at the clock
39 and ret#rn;
( somet"mes "n the conf"nes
1 they e*en grow ser"o#s
2 a moment, they speak of
3 7#ts"de, of how horr"!le
"t m#st !e
5 to !e
$ sh#t 7#ts"de
7 fore*er, ne*er to !e let
& !ack "n;
9 "t%s warm as they work
5( and they sweat a
51 !"t,
52 !#t they work hard and
53 well, they work so hard
5 the ner*es re*olt
55 and ca#se trem!l"ng,
5$ !#t often they are
57 pra"sed !y those
5& who ha*e r"sen #p
59 o#t of them
$( l"ke stars,
$1 and now the stars
$2 watch
$3 watch too
$ for those few
$5 who m"ght attempt a
$$ slower pace or
$7 show d"s"nterest
$& or fals"fy an
$9 "llness
7( "n order to ga"n
71 rest (rest m#st !e
72 earned to ga"n strength
73 for a more perfect
7 'o!),
75 somet"mes one d"es
7$ or goes mad
77 and then from 7#ts"de
7& a new one enters
79 and "s g"*en
&( opport#n"ty,
&1 I ha*e !een there
&2 many years;
&3 at f"rst I !el"e*ed the work
& monotono#s, e*en
&5 s"lly
&$ !#t now I see
&7 "t all has mean"ng,
&& and the workers
&9 w"tho#t faces
9( I can see are not really
91 #gly, and that
92 the heads w"tho#t eyes---
93 I know now that those eyes
9 can see
95 and are a!le to
9$ do the work,
97 the women workers
9& are often the !est,
99 adapt"ng nat#rally,
1(( and some of these I
1(1 made lo*e to "n o#r
1(2 rest"ng ho#rs; at f"rst
1(3 they appeared to !e
1( l"ke female apes
1(5 !#t later
1($ w"th "ns"ght
1(7 I real"+ed
1(& that they were th"ngs
1(9 as real and al"*e as
11( myself,
111 the other n"ght
112 an old worker
113 grey and !l"nd
11 no longer #sef#l
115 was ret"red
11$ to the 7#ts"de,
117 speech> speech>
11& we demanded,
119 "t was
12( hell, he sa"d,
121 we la#ghed
122 all ((( of #s-
123 he had kept h"s
12 h#mor
125 to the
12$ end,
+ea)s wih !arli,
1 th"s "s "mportant eno#gh-
2 to get yo#r feel"ngs down,
3 "t "s !etter than sha*"ng
or cook"ng !eans w"th garl"c,
5 "t "s the l"ttle we can do
$ th"s small !ra*ery of knowledge
7 and there "s of co#rse
& madness and terror too
9 "n know"ng
1( that some part of yo#
11 wo#nd #p l"ke a clock
12 can ne*er !e wo#nd aga"n
13 once "t stops,
1 !#t now
15 there%s a t"ck"ng #nder yo#r sh"rt
1$ and yo# wh"rl the !eans w"th a spoon,
17 one lo*e dead, one lo*e departed
1& another lo*e ,,,
19 ah> as many lo*es as !eans
2( yes, co#nt them now
21 sad, sad
22 yo#r feel"ngs !o"l"ng o*er flame,
23 get th"s down,
&a&a
1 here I am
2 "n the gro#nd
3 my mo#th
open
5 and
$ I can%t e*en say
7 mama,
& and
9 the dogs r#n !y and stop and p"ss
1( on my stone; I get "t all
11 e)cept the s#n
12 and my s#"t "s look"ng
13 !ad
1 and yesterday
15 the last of my left
1$ arm gone
17 *ery l"ttle left, all harp-l"ke
1& w"tho#t m#s"c,
19 at least a dr#nk
2( "n !ed w"th a c"garette
21 m"ght ca#se 5 f"re
22 eng"nes and
23 33 men,
2 I can%t
25 do
2$ any
27 th"ng,
2& !#t p,s,---2ector :"chmond "n the ne)t
29 tom! th"nks only of 3o+art and candy
3( caterp"llars,
31 he "s
32 *ery !ad
33 company,
&a,hi)e!u)s owers . i&e,lo,ks
1 I feel gypped !y d#nces
2 as "f real"ty were the property
3 of l"ttle men
w"th l#ck and a headstart,
5 and I s"t "n the cold
$ wonder"ng a!o#t p#rple flowers
7 along a fence
& wh"le the rest of them
9 stack gold
1( and 8ad"llacs and
11 ladyfr"ends,
12 I wonder a!o#t palmlea*es
13 and gra*estones
1 and the prec"o#sness of a
15 cocoon-l"ke sleep;
1$ to !e a l"+ard wo#ld !e
17 !ad eno#gh
1& to !e scald"ng "n the s#n
19 wo#ld !e !ad eno#gh
2( !#t not so !ad
21 as !e"ng !#"lt #p to
22 3an-s"+e and 3an-l"fe
23 and not want"ng the
2 game, not want"ng
25 mach"neg#ns and towers and
2$ t"meclocks,
27 not want"ng a carwash
2& a toothp#ll
29 a wr"stwatch, c#ffl"nks
3( a pocket rad"o
31 twee+ers and cotton
32 a ca!"net f#ll of "od"ne,
33 not want"ng cockta"l part"es
3 a front lawn
35 s"ng-togethers
3$ new shoes, 8hr"stmas presents
37 l"fe "ns#rance, <ewsweek
3& 1$2 !ase!all games
39 a *acat"on "n 4erm#da,
( not want"ng not want"ng,
1 and I '#dge the p#rple flowers
2 !etter off than I
3 the l"+ard !etter off
the dark green hose
5 the e*er grass
$ the trees the !"rds,
7 the cats dream"ng "n the !#tter
& s#n are
9 !etter off than
5( I, gett"ng "nto th"s old coat now
51 feel"ng for my c"garettes
52 car keys
53 a roadmap !ack,
5 go"ng o#t
55 down the walk
5$ l"ke a man to !e e)ec#ted
57 walk"ng toward "t
5& s#rely,
59 go"ng "nto "t
$( w"tho#t g#ards
$1 dr"*"ng toward "t
$2 rac"ng at "t
$3 7( m"les per ho#r,
$ 'ockey"ng
$5 c#ss"ng
$$ dropp"ng ashes
$7 deadly ashes of e*ery
$& deadly th"ng
$9 !#rn"ng,
7( the caterp"llar knows less
71 horror
72 the arm"es of ants are
73 !ra*er
7 the k"ss of a snake
75 less ra*eno#s,
7$ I only want the sky
77 to !#rn me more and more
7& !#rn me o#t
79 so that the s#n !eg"ns at
&( $ "n the morn"ng
&1 and goes past m"dn"ght
&2 l"ke a dr#nken door always open,
&3 I dr"*e toward "t
& not want"ng "t
&5 gett"ng "t gett"ng "t
&$ as the cat stretches
&7 yawns
&& and rolls o*er "nto
&9 another dream,
so&ehi)! $or he ous3 he )u)s3 he !ro,er# ,lerks a)" #ou
1 we ha*e e*eryth"ng and we ha*e noth"ng
2 and some men do "t "n ch#rches
3 and some men do "t !y tear"ng !#tterfl"es
"n half
5 and some men do "t "n 6alm /pr"ngs
$ lay"ng "t "nto !#tter!londes
7 w"th 8ad"llac so#ls
& 8ad"llacs and !#tterfl"es
9 noth"ng and e*eryth"ng,
1( the face melt"ng down to the last p#ff
11 "n a cellar "n 8orp#s 8hr"st",
12 there%s someth"ng for the to#ts, the n#ns,
13 the grocery clerks and yo# ,,,
1 someth"ng at & a,m,, someth"ng "n the l"!rary
15 someth"ng "n the r"*er,
1$ e*eryth"ng and noth"ng,
17 "n the sla#ghterho#se "t comes r#nn"ng along
1& the ce"l"ng on a hook, and yo# sw"ng "t---
19 one
2( two
21 three
22 and then yo#%*e got "t, ?2(( worth of dead
23 meat, "ts !ones aga"nst yo#r !ones
2 someth"ng and noth"ng,
25 "t%s always early eno#gh to d"e and
2$ "t%s always too late,
27 and the dr"ll of !lood "n the !as"n wh"te
2& "t tells yo# noth"ng at all
29 and the gra*ed"ggers play"ng poker o*er
3( 5 a,m, coffee, wa"t"ng for the grass
31 to d"sm"ss the frost ,,,
32 they tell yo# noth"ng at all,
33 we ha*e e*eryth"ng and we ha*e noth"ng---
3 days w"th glass edges and the "mposs"!le st"nk
35 of r"*er moss---worse than sh"t;
3$ checker!oard days of mo*es and co#ntermo*es,
$&F
37 fagged "nterest, w"th as m#ch sense "n defeat as
3& "n *"ctory; slow days l"ke m#les
39 h#mp"ng "t slagged and s#llen and s#n-gla+ed
( #p a road where a madman s"ts wa"t"ng among
1 !l#e'ays and wrens netted "n and s#cked a flakey
2 grey,
3 good days too of w"ne and sho#t"ng, f"ghts
"n alleys, fat legs of women str"*"ng aro#nd
5 yo#r !owels !#r"ed "n moans,
$ the s"gns "n !#llr"ngs l"ke d"amonds holler"ng
7 3other 8apr", *"olets com"ng o#t of the gro#nd
& tell"ng yo# to forget the dead arm"es and the lo*es
9 that ro!!ed yo#,
5( days when ch"ldren say f#nny and !r"ll"ant th"ngs
51 l"ke sa*ages try"ng to send yo# a message thro#gh
52 the"r !od"es wh"le the"r !od"es are st"ll
53 al"*e eno#gh to transm"t and feel and r#n #p
5 and down w"tho#t locks and paychecks and
55 "deals and possess"ons and !eetle-l"ke
5$ op"n"ons,
57 days when yo# can cry all day long "n
5& a green room w"th the door locked, days
59 when yo# can la#gh at the !readman
$( !eca#se h"s legs are too long, days
$1 of look"ng at hedges ,,,
$2 and noth"ng, and noth"ng, the days of
$3 the !osses, yellow men
$ w"th !ad !reath and !"g feet, men
$5 who look l"ke frogs, hyenas, men who walk
$$ as "f melody had ne*er !een "n*ented, men
$7 who th"nk "t "s "ntell"gent to h"re and f"re and
$& prof"t, men w"th e)pens"*e w"*es they possess
$9 l"ke $( acres of gro#nd to !e dr"lled
7( or shown-off or to !e walled away from
71 the "ncompetent, men who%d k"ll yo#
72 !eca#se they%re cra+y and '#st"fy "t !eca#se
73 "t%s the law, men who stand "n front of
7 w"ndows 3( feet w"de and see noth"ng,
75 men w"th l#)#ry yachts who can sa"l aro#nd
7$ the world and yet ne*er get o#t of the"r *est
77 pockets, men l"ke sna"ls, men l"ke eels, men
7& l"ke sl#gs, and not as good ,,,
79 and noth"ng, gett"ng yo#r last paycheck
&( at a har!or, at a factory, at a hosp"tal, at an
&1 a"rcraft plant, at a penny arcade, at a
&2 !ar!ershop, at a 'o! yo# d"dn%t want
&3 anyway,
& "ncome ta), s"ckness, ser*"l"ty, !roken
&5 arms, !roken heads---all the st#ff"ng
&$ come o#t l"ke an old p"llow,
&7 we ha*e e*eryth"ng and we ha*e noth"ng,
&& some do "t well eno#gh for a wh"le and
&9 then g"*e way, fame gets them or d"sg#st
9( or age or lack of proper d"et or "nk
91 across the eyes or ch"ldren "n college
92 or new cars or !roken !acks wh"le sk""ng
93 "n /w"t+erland or new pol"t"cs or new w"*es
9 or '#st nat#ral change and decay---
95 the man yo# knew yesterday hook"ng
9$ for ten ro#nds or dr"nk"ng for three days and
97 three n"ghts !y the /awtooth mo#nta"ns now
9& '#st someth"ng #nder a sheet or a cross
99 or a stone or #nder an easy del#s"on,
1(( or pack"ng a !"!le or a golf !ag or a
1(1 !r"efcase- how they go, how they go>---all
1(2 the ones yo# tho#ght wo#ld ne*er go,
1(3 days l"ke th"s, l"ke yo#r day today,
1( may!e the ra"n on the w"ndow try"ng to
1(5 get thro#gh to yo#, what do yo# see today.
1($ what "s "t. where are yo#. the !est
1(7 days are somet"mes the f"rst, somet"mes
1(& the m"ddle and e*en somet"mes the last,
1(9 the *acant lots are not !ad, ch#rches "n
11( D#rope on postcards are not !ad, people "n
111 wa) m#se#ms fro+en "nto the"r !est ster"l"ty
112 are not !ad, horr"!le !#t not !ad, the
113 cannon, th"nk of the cannon, and toast for
11 !reakfast the coffee hot eno#gh yo#
115 know yo#r tong#e "s st"ll there, three
11$ geran"#ms o#ts"de a w"ndow, try"ng to !e
117 red and try"ng to !e p"nk and try"ng to !e
11& geran"#ms, no wonder somet"mes the women
119 cry, no wonder the m#les don%t want
12( to go #p the h"ll, are yo# "n a hotel room
121 "n Aetro"t look"ng for a c"garette. one more
122 good day, a l"ttle !"t of "t, and as
123 the n#rses come o#t of the !#"ld"ng after
12 the"r sh"ft, ha*"ng had eno#gh, e"ght n#rses
125 w"th d"fferent names and d"fferent places
12$ to go---walk"ng across the lawn, some of them
127 want cocoa and a paper, some of them want a
12& hot !ath, some of them want a man, some
129 of them are hardly th"nk"ng at all, eno#gh
13( and not eno#gh, arcs and p"lgr"ms, oranges
131 g#tters, ferns, ant"!od"es, !o)es of
132 t"ss#e paper,
133 "n the most decent somet"mes s#n
13 there "s the softsmoke feel"ng from #rns
135 and the canned so#nd of old !attleplanes
13$ and "f yo# go "ns"de and r#n yo#r f"nger
137 along the w"ndow ledge yo#%ll f"nd
13& d"rt, may!e e*en earth,
139 and "f yo# look o#t the w"ndow
1( there w"ll !e the day, and as yo#
11 get older yo#%ll keep look"ng
12 keep look"ng
13 s#ck"ng yo#r tong#e "n a l"ttle
1 ah ah no no may!e
15 some do "t nat#rally
1$ some o!scenely
17 e*erywhere,
swa# wih &e
1 sway w"th me, e*eryth"ng sad---
2 madmen "n stone ho#ses
3 w"tho#t doors,
lepers stream"ng lo*e and song
5 frogs try"ng to f"g#re
$ the sky;
7 sway w"th me, sad th"ngs---
& f"ngers spl"t on a forge
9 old age l"ke !reakfast shells
1( #sed !ooks, #sed people
11 #sed flowers, #sed lo*e
12 I need yo#
13 I need yo#
1 I need yo#-
15 "t has r#n away
1$ l"ke a horse or a dog,
17 dead or lost
1& or #nforg"*"ng,
la,k o$ al&os e%er#hi)!
1 the essence of the !elly
2 l"ke a wh"te !alloon sacked
3 "s d"st#r!"ng
l"ke the r#nn"ng of feet
5 on the sta"rs
$ when yo# don%t know
7 who "s there,
& of co#rse, "f yo# t#rn on the rad"o
9 yo# m"ght forget
1( the fat #nder yo#r sh"rt
11 or the rats l"ned #p "n order
12 l"ke old women on 2ollywood 4l*d
13 wa"t"ng on a comedy
1 show,
15 I th"nk of old men
1$ "n fo#r dollar rooms
17 look"ng for socks "n dresser drawers
1& wh"le stand"ng "n !rown #nderwear
19 all the t"me the clock t"ck"ng on
2( warm as a
21 co!ra,
22 ah, there are some decent th"ngs, may!e-
23 the sky, the c"rc#s
2 the legs of lad"es gett"ng o#t of cars,
25 the peach com"ng thro#gh the door
2$ l"ke a 3o+art symphony,
27 the scale says 19&, that%s what
2& I we"gh, "t "s 2-1( a,m,
29 ded"cat"on "s for chess players,
3( the glor"o#s s"ngle ca#se "s
31 wa"t"ng on the an*"l
32 wh"le
33 smok"ng, p"ss"ng, read"ng 0enet
3 or the f#nny papers;
35 !#t may!e "t%s early eno#gh yet
3$ to wr"te yo#r a#nt "n
37 6alm /pr"ngs and tell her
3& what%s wrong,
)o* 4
1 I%ll settle for the $ horse
2 on a ra"ny afternoon
3 a paper c#p of coffee
"n my hand
5 a l"ttle way to go,
$ the w"nd tw"rl"ng o#t
7 small wrens from
& the #pper grandstand roof,
9 the 'ocks com"ng o#t
1( for a m"ddle race
11 s"lent
12 and the easy ra"n mak"ng
13 e*eryth"ng
1 at once
15 almost al"ke,
1$ the horses at peace w"th
17 each other
1& !efore the dr#nken war
19 and I am #nder the grandstand
2( feel"ng for
21 c"garettes
22 settl"ng for coffee,
23 then the horses walk !y
2 tak"ng the"r l"ttle men
25 away---
2$ "t "s f#nereal and gracef#l
27 and glad
2& l"ke the open"ng
29 of flowers,
"o)5 ,o&e rou)" +u i$ #ou "o ***
1 yeah s#re, I%ll !e "n #nless I%m o#t
2 don%t knock "f the l"ghts are o#t
3 or yo# hear *o"ces or then
I m"ght !e read"ng 6ro#st
5 "f someone sl"ps 6ro#st #nder my door
$ or one of h"s !ones for my stew,
7 and I can%t loan money or
& the phone
9 or what%s left of my car
1( tho#gh yo# can ha*e yesterday%s newspaper
11 an old sh"rt or a !ologna sandw"ch
12 or sleep on the co#ch
13 "f yo# don%t scream at n"ght
1 and yo# can talk a!o#t yo#rself
15 that%s only normal;
1$ hard t"mes are #pon #s all
17 only I am not try"ng to ra"se a fam"ly
1& to send thro#gh 2ar*ard
19 or !#y h#nt"ng land,
2( I am not a"m"ng h"gh
21 I am only try"ng to keep myself al"*e
22 '#st a l"ttle longer,
23 so "f yo# somet"mes knock
2 and I don%t answer
25 and there "sn%t a woman "n here
2$ may!e I ha*e !roken my 'aw
27 and am look"ng for w"re
2& or I am chas"ng the !#tterfl"es "n
29 my wallpaper,
3( I mean "f I don%t answer
31 I don%t answer, and the reason "s
32 that I am not yet ready to k"ll yo#
33 or lo*e yo#, or e*en accept yo#,
3 "t means I don%t want to talk
35 I am !#sy, I am mad, I am glad
3$ or may!e I%m str"ng"ng #p a rope;
37 so e*en "f the l"ghts are on
3& and yo# hear so#nd
39 l"ke !reath"ng or pray"ng or s"ng"ng
( a rad"o or the roll of d"ce
1 or typ"ng---
2 go away, "t "s not the day
3 the n"ght, the ho#r;
"t "s not the "gnorance of "mpol"teness,
5 I w"sh to h#rt noth"ng, not e*en a !#g
$ !#t somet"mes I gather e*"dence of a k"nd
7 that takes some sort"ng,
& and yo#r !l#e eyes, !e they !l#e
9 and yo#r ha"r, "f yo# ha*e some
5( or yo#r m"nd---they cannot enter
51 #nt"l the rope "s c#t or knotted
52 or #nt"l I ha*e sha*en "nto
53 new m"rrors, #nt"l the world "s
5 stopped or opened
55 fore*er,
sarle" i)o li$e like $ire i)
1 "n gr"e*o#s de"ty my cat
2 walks aro#nd
3 he walks aro#nd and aro#nd
w"th
5 electr"c ta"l and
$ p#sh-!#tton
7 eyes
& he "s
9 al"*e and
1( pl#sh and
11 f"nal as a pl#m tree
12 ne"ther of #s #nderstands
13 cathedrals or
1 the man o#ts"de
15 water"ng h"s
1$ lawn
17 "f I were all the man
1& that he "s
19 cat---
2( "f there were men
21 l"ke th"s
22 the world co#ld
23 !eg"n
2 he leaps #p on the co#ch
25 and walks thro#gh
2$ port"coes of my
27 adm"rat"on,
sew
1 stew at noon, my dear; and look-
2 the ants, the sawd#st, the m"ca
3 plants, the shadows of !anks l"ke
!ad 'okes;
5 do yo# th"nk we%ll hear
$ ;he 4artered 4r"de today.
7 how%s yo#r tooth.
& I sho#ld wash my feet and
9 clean my na"ls
1( not that I%d feel more l"ke 8hr"st
11 !#t
12 less l"ke a leper---
13 wh"ch "s "mportant when
1 po*erty "s a small game yo# play
15 w"th yo#r t"me,
1$ let%s see- f"rst the ma"lman
17 then yesterday%s copy of the ;"mes,
1& we m"ght
19 th"s way
2( get !lown #p a day too
21 late,
22 then there%s the l"!rary or
23 a walk down the !o#le*ards,
2 many great men ha*e
25 walked down the !o#le*ards
2$ !#t "t%s terr"!le to !e
27 a great man
2& l"ke a monkey carry"ng a 5 po#nd
29 sack of potatoes #p a ( foot h"ll,
3( 6ar"s can wa"t,
31 more salt.
32 after we eat
33 let%s sleep, let%s sleep,
3 we can%t make any money
35 awake,
l"l"es "n my !ra"n
1 the l"l"es storm my !ra"n
2 !y god !y god
3 l"ke na+" storm troopers>
do yo# th"nk I%m go"ng
5 t"++y.
$ yo#r !l#e sweater
7 w"th t"ts hang"ng
& loose, and
9 I th"nk *ag#ely of 8hr"st
1( on the cross, I don%t know
11 why, and "cecream
12 cones, th"s G#ly day
13 l"l"es storm my !ra"n,
1 I%ll remem!er th"s
15 !#t
1$ "f only I had a
17 camera
1& or a !"g dog walk"ng !es"de
19 me, !"g dogs make th"ngs
2( concrete
21 don%t they.
22 a !"g dog to wr"nkle h"s
23 snot-nose
2 l"ke th"s lake gypped of
25 clear s#rface
2$ !y a @#"ck and cle*er
27 w"nd,
2& yo#%re here, yet I%m sad
29 aga"n, I feel my porkchop r"!s
3( o*er my lam!chop heart #gh
31 g#ll"!le hard-work"ng
32 "ntest"nes, de'ected pen"s
33 chew"ng-g#m !ladder
3 l"*er t#rn"ng to fat
35 l"ke a penny-arcade tro#t
3$ ashamed !#ttocks
37 pract"cal ears
3& moth-l"ke hands
39 spearf"sh nose
( rock-sl"de mo#th and
1 the rest, the rest-
2 l"l"es "n my !ra"n
3 hop"ng good t"mes
th"nk"ng old t"mes-
5 8apone and the d"amonds
$ 8harl"e 8hapl"n
7 Ea#rel and 2ardy
& 8lara 4ow
9 the rest,
5( "t ne*er happened
51 !#t "t seemed l"ke
52 there were t"mes when rot
53 stopped
5 wa"ted l"ke a streetcar
55 at a s"gnal,
5$ now I
57 l"ke a mo*"e p#nk
5& (l"l"es #p there)
59 take yo#r hand
$( and we walk forward
$1 to rent a !oat
$2 to drown "n, I !reathe the w"nd, fle) my m#scles
$3 !#t only my !elly
$ w"ggles,
$5 we get "n
$$ the motor ch#rns the
$7 sl"me,
$& the c"ty !#"ld"ngs
$9 come down l"ke ostr"ch
7( mo#ths
71 and hollow o#t
72 o#r !ra"ns
73 yet the s#n
7 comes "n
75 +ap> +ap> +ap>
7$ !r"ll"ant germs crawl o#r
77 chapped flesh, my
7& I feel as "f I were "n
79 ch#rch- e*eryth"ng
&( st"nks, I hold the r#!!er s"des
&1 of e*erywhere
&2 my !alls are snow!alls
&3 I see str"cken !ells of malar"a
& old men gett"ng "nto
&5 !ed, "nto model-; =ords
&$ as the f"sh sw"m !elow #s
&7 f#ll of d"rty words and macaron"
&& and crossword p#++les
&9 and the death of me, yo# and
9( the Cat+en'ammer
91 k"ds,
i a& "ea" +u i k)ow he "ea" are )o like his
1 the dead can sleep
2 they don%t get #p and rage
3 they don%t ha*e a w"fe,
her wh"te face
5 l"ke a flower "n a closed
$ w"ndow l"fts #p and
7 looks at me,
& the c#rta"n smokes a c"garette
9 and a moth d"es "n a
1( freeway crash
11 as I e)am"ne the shadows of my
12 hands,
13 an owl, the s"+e of a !a!y clock
1 r"ngs for me, come on come on
15 "t says as Ger#salem "s h#stled
1$ down crotch-sta"ned halls,
17 the 5 a,m, grass "s nasal now
1& "n h#ms of !attlesh"ps and *alleys
19 "n the raped l"ght that !r"ngs on
2( the fasc"st !"rds,
21 I p#t o#t the lamp and get "n !ed
22 !es"de her, she th"nks I%m there
23 m#m!les a rosy grat"t#de
2 as I stretch my legs
25 to coff"n length
2$ get "n and sw"m away
27 from frogs and fort#nes,
like a %iole i) he s)ow
1 "n the earl"est poss"!le day
2 "n the !l#e-headed noon
3 I w"ll telegraph yo#
a
5 !oney hand
$ decorated w"th
7 sharksk"n
& a
9 large !oy w"th
1( yellow teeth and an ep"lept"c
11 father
12 w"ll !r"ng "t
13 to yo#r
1 door
15 sm"le
1$ and
17 accept
1& "t "s !etter than
19 the
2( alternat"*e
leer $ro& oo $ar
1 she wrote me a letter from a small
2 room near the /e"ne,
3 she sa"d she was go"ng to danc"ng
class, she got #p, she sa"d
5 at 5 o%clock "n the morn"ng
$ and typed at poems
7 or pa"nted
& and when she felt l"ke cry"ng
9 she had a spec"al !ench
1( !y the r"*er,
11 her !ook of /ongs
12 wo#ld !e o#t
13 "n the =all,
1 I d"d not know what to tell her
15 !#t
1$ I told her
17 to get any !ad teeth p#lled
1& and !e caref#l of the =rench
19 lo*er,
2( I p#t her photo !y the rad"o
21 near the fan
22 and "t mo*ed
23 l"ke someth"ng
2 al"*e,
25 I sat and watched "t
2$ #nt"l I had smoked the
27 5 or $
2& c"garettes left,
29 then I got #p
3( and went to !ed,
&a) i) he su)
1 she reads to me from the <ew Horker
2 wh"ch I don%t !#y, don%t know
3 how they get "n here, !#t "t%s
someth"ng a!o#t the 3af"a
5 one of the heads of the 3af"a
$ who ate too m#ch and had "t too easy
7 too many f"ne women patt"ng h"s
& waln#ts, and he got fat s#ck"ng at good
9 c"gars and yo#ng !reasts and he
1( has these heart attacks---and so
11 one day some!ody "s dr"*"ng h"m
12 "n th"s !"g car along the road
13 and he doesn%t feel so good
1 and he asks the !oy to stop and let
15 h"m o#t and the !oy lays h"m o#t
1$ along the road "n the f"ne s#nsh"ne,
17 I don%t know whether "t%s 8rete or
1& /"c"ly or Italy proper
19 !#t he%s ly"ng there "n the s#nsh"ne
2( and !efore he d"es he says-
21 how !ea#t"f#l l"fe can !e, and
22 then he%s gone,
23 somet"mes yo#%*e got to k"ll or 5
2 tho#sand men !efore yo# somehow
25 get to !el"e*e that the sparrow
2$ "s "mmortal, money "s p"ss and
27 that yo# ha*e !een wast"ng
2& yo#r t"me,
wo&a)
1 th"s head l"ke a sa#cer
2 decorated w"th e*eryth"ng
3 as l"p to l"p we hang
"n mechan"cal 'oy;
5 my hands !la+e w"th ar"as
$ !#t I th"nk of !ooks
7 on anatomy,
& and I fall from yo#
9 as nat"ons !#rn "n anger ,,,
1( to reco*er from most p"t"f#l error
11 and re!#"ld, th"s "s "t
12 loss and mend"ng
13 #nt"l they take #s "n,
1 the glory of a /at#rday afternoon
15 l"ke !"t"ng "nto an old peach
1$ and yo# walk across the room
17 hea*y w"th e*eryth"ng
1& e)cept my lo*e,
like all he #ears wase"
1 yesterday dr#nken 1l"ce
2 ga*e me
3 a 'ar of f"g 'am
and today she
5 wh"stles
$ for her cat
7 !#t
& he w"ll not
9 come---
1( he "s w"th the horses
11 at a
12 t#! of !eer
13 or
1 "n room 21
15 at the 8rown 2"ll
1$ 2otel
17 or he "s at the
1& 8rocker
19 8"t"+ens <at"onal
2( 4ank
21 or
22 he arr"*ed "n
23 <ew Hork 8"ty at
2 5-3( p,m,
25 w"th paper s#"tcase
2$ and
27 ?7,
2& ne)t to 1l"ce
29 "n her yard
3( a paper goose
31 walks
32 #ps"de down
33 on a carton that says-
3 8al"forn"a
35 7ranges,
3$ dr#nken 1l"ce wh"stles,
37 no good, no good,
3& work slowly,
39 e*ery!ody tr"es hard
( !#t the
1 gods,
2 1l"ce goes "n for a
3 dr"nk, comes
o#t,
5 wh"stles aga"n
$ all the way to a
7 park !ench "n
& Dl 6aso---
9 and her lo*e comes
5( r#nn"ng o#t of the
51 !#shes
52 !r"ght-eyed as a
53 color f"lm
5 and not wa"t"ng
55 for
5$ 3onday,
57 we go "n
5& together,
he#3 all o$ he&3 k)ow
1 ask the s"dewalk pa"nters of 6ar"s
2 ask the s#nl"ght on a sleep"ng dog
3 ask the 3 p"gs
ask the paper!oy
5 ask the m#s"c of Aon"+ett"
$ ask the !ar!er
7 ask the m#rderer
& ask the man lean"ng aga"nst a wall
9 ask the preacher
1( ask the maker of ca!"nets
11 ask the p"ckpocket or the
12 pawn!roker or the glass !lower
13 or the seller of man#re or
1 the dent"st
15 ask the re*ol#t"on"st
1$ ask the man who st"cks h"s head "n
17 the mo#th of a l"on
1& ask the man who w"ll release the ne)t
19 atom !om!
2( ask the man who th"nks he%s 8hr"st
21 ask the !l#e!"rd who comes home
22 at n"ght
23 ask the peep"ng ;om
2 ask the man dy"ng of cancer
25 ask the man who needs a !ath
2$ ask the man w"th one leg
27 ask the !l"nd
2& ask the man w"th the l"sp
29 ask the op"#m eater
3( ask the trem!l"ng s#rgeon
31 ask the lea*es yo# walk #pon
32 ask a rap"st or a
33 streetcar cond#ctor or an old man
3 p#ll"ng weeds "n h"s garden
35 ask a !loods#cker
3$ ask a tra"ner of fleas
37 ask a man who eats f"re
3& ask the most m"sera!le man yo# can
39 f"nd "n h"s most
( m"sera!le moment
1 ask a teacher of '#do
2 ask a r"der of elephants
3 ask a leper, a l"fer, a l#nger
ask a professor of h"story
5 ask the man who ne*er cleans h"s
$ f"ngerna"ls
7 ask a clown or ask the f"rst face yo# see
& "n the l"ght of day
9 ask yo#r father
5( ask yo#r son and
51 h"s son to !e
52 ask me
53 ask a !#rned-o#t !#l! "n a paper sack
5 ask the tempted, the damned, the fool"sh
55 the w"se, the sla*er"ng
5$ ask the !#"lders of temples
57 ask the men who ha*e ne*er worn shoes
5& ask Ges#s
59 ask the moon
$( ask the shadows "n the closet
$1 ask the moth, the monk, the madman
$2 ask the man who draws cartoons for
$3 ;he <ew Horker
$ ask a goldf"sh
$5 ask a fern shak"ng to a tapdance
$$ ask the map of Ind"a
$7 ask a k"nd face
$& ask the man h"d"ng #nder yo#r !ed
$9 ask the man yo# hate the most "n th"s
7( world
71 ask the man who drank w"th Aylan ;homas
72 ask the man who laced Gack /harkey%s glo*es
73 ask the sad-faced man dr"nk"ng coffee
7 ask the pl#m!er
75 ask the man who dreams of ostr"ches e*ery
7$ n"ght
77 ask the t"cket-taker at a freak show
7& ask the co#nterfe"ter
79 ask the man sleep"ng "n an alley #nder
&( a sheet of paper
&1 ask the con@#erors of nat"ons and planets
&2 ask the man who has '#st c#t off h"s f"nger
&3 ask a !ookmark "n the !"!le
& ask the water dr"pp"ng from a fa#cet wh"le
&5 the phone r"ngs
&$ ask per'#ry
&7 ask the deep !l#e pa"nt
&& ask the parach#te '#mper
&9 ask the man w"th the !ellyache
9( ask the d"*"ne eye so sleek and sw"mm"ng
91 ask the !oy wear"ng t"ght pants "n
92 the e)pens"*e academy
93 ask the man who sl"pped "n the !atht#!
9 ask the man chewed !y the shark
95 ask the one who sold me the #nmatched
9$ glo*es
97 ask these and all those I ha*e left o#t
9& ask the f"re the f"re the f"re---
99 ask e*en the l"ars
1(( ask any!ody yo# please at anyt"me
1(1 yo# please on any day yo# please
1(2 whether "t%s ra"n"ng or whether
1(3 the snow "s there or whether
1( yo# are stepp"ng o#t onto a porch
1(5 yellow w"th warm heat
1($ ask th"s ask that
1(7 ask the man w"th !"rdsh"t "n h"s ha"r
1(& ask the tort#rer of an"mals
1(9 ask the man who has seen many !#llf"ghts
11( "n /pa"n
111 ask the owners of new 8ad"llacs
112 ask the famo#s
113 ask the t"m"d
11 ask the al!"no
115 and the statesman
11$ ask the landlords and the poolplayers
117 ask the phon"es
11& ask the h"red k"llers
119 ask the !ald men and the fat men
12( and the tall men and the
121 short men
122 ask the one-eyed men, the
123 o*erse)ed and #nderse)ed men
92F
12 ask the men who read all the newspaper
125 ed"tor"als
12$ ask the men who !reed roses
127 ask the men who feel almost no pa"n
12& ask the dy"ng
129 ask the mowers of lawns and the attenders
13( of foot!all games
131 ask any of these or all of these
132 ask ask ask and
133 they%ll all tell yo#-
13 a snarl"ng w"fe on the !al#strade "s more
135 than a man can !ear,
a )i,e "a#
1 the *"r#s holds
2 the concepts g"*e way l"ke rotten
3 shoelaces
toothache and !acon dance on the
5 lawn
$ I open a drawer to d"rty
7 stock"ngs
& a stock!roker%s #n"*erse
9 steel !alls fl#tter l"ke
1( !#tterfl"es
11 I can feel doom l"ke
12 someth"ng #nder the sheets w"th !r"stles
13 that st"nks and mo*es
1 toward me
15 the ma"lman "s "nsane and
1$ hands me a !agf#l of sna"ls
17 eaten "ns"de
1& o#t
19 !y some rat of decay
2( "n the madho#se a man k"sses the walls
21 and dreams of sa"l!oat"ng down some
22 cool <"le
23 I read a!o#t the !#llf"ghts the !allgames
2 the !o)"ng matches
25 th"ngs cont"n#e to f"ght
2$ and "n the ch#rches they play at parlor
27 games and peek at legs
2& I go o#ts"de to a!sol#tely
29 noth"ng
3( a s@#are ro#nd of orange +ero
31 headp"eces o*er o!scene mo#ths that form
32 at me l"ke s#ckerf"sh
33 good morn"ng, n"ce day "sn%t "t.
3 a fat woman says
35 I am #na!le to answer
3$ and down the s"dewalk I go
37 shamed
3& #na!le to tell her
39 of the kn"fe "ns"de me
( I do not"ce tho#gh the s#n "s sh"n"ng
1 that the flowers are p#lled #p on
2 the"r str"ngs
3 and I on m"ne-
!elly, !elly!#tton, !#ttocks, !#kowsk"
5 wa*"ng walk"ng
$ teeth of "ce w"th the taste of tar
7 tear d#cts propagand"+ed
& shoes act"ng l"ke shoes
9 I arr"*e on t"me
5( "n the !la+"ng m"dday of
51 mo#rn"ng,
III
1t ;error /treet and 1gony Bay
6oems 19$5-19$&
Dp"graph
"t was a splend"d day "n /pr"ng
and o#ts"de we co#ld hear the !"rds
that hadn%t !een k"lled
!y the smog
+eer+ole
1 a *ery m"rac#lo#s th"ng '#st happened-
2 my !eer!ottle fl"pped o*er !ackwards
3 and landed on "ts !ottom on the floor,
and I ha*e set "t #pon the ta!le to foam down,
5 !#t the photos were not so l#cky today
$ and there "s a small sl"t along the leather
7 of my left shoe, !#t "t%s all *ery s"mple-
& we cannot ac@#"re too m#ch- there are laws
9 we know noth"ng of, all manner of n#dges
1( set #s to !#rn"ng or free+"ng; what sets
11 the !lack!"rd "n the cat%s mo#th
12 "s not for #s to say, or why some men
13 are 'a"led l"ke pet s@#"rrels
1 wh"le others n#++le "n enormo#s !reasts
15 thro#gh endless n"ghts---th"s "s the
1$ task and the terror, and we are not
17 ta#ght why, st"ll, "t%s l#cky the !ottle
1& landed stra"ghts"de #p, and altho#gh
19 I ha*e one of w"ne and one of wh"skey,
2( th"s foretells, somehow, a good n"ght,
21 and perhaps tomorrow my nose w"ll !e longer-
22 new shoes, less ra"n, more poems,
he +o"#
1 I ha*e !een
2 hang"ng here
3 headless
for so long
5 that the !ody has forgotten
$ why
7 or where or when "t
& happened
9 and the toes
1( walk along "n shoes
11 that do not
12 care
13 and altho#gh
1 the f"ngers
15 sl"ce th"ngs and
1$ hold th"ngs and
17 mo*e th"ngs and
1& to#ch
19 th"ngs
2( s#ch as
21 oranges
22 apples
23 on"ons
2 !ooks
25 !od"es
2$ I am no longer
27 reasona!ly s#re
2& what these th"ngs
29 are
3( they are mostly
31 l"ke
32 lampl"ght and
33 fog
3 then often the hands w"ll
35 go to the
3$ lost head
37 and hold the head
3& l"ke the hands of a
39 ch"ld
( aro#nd a !all
1 a !lock
2 a"r and wood---
3 no teeth
no th"nk"ng part
5 and when a w"ndow
$ !lows open
7 to a
& ch#rch
9 h"ll
5( woman
51 dog
52 or someth"ng s"ng"ng
53 the f"ngers of the hand
5 are senseless to *"!rat"on
55 !eca#se they ha*e no
5$ ears
57 senseless to color !eca#se
5& they ha*e no
59 eyes
$( senseless to smell
$1 w"tho#t a nose
$2 the co#ntry goes !y as
$3 nonsense
$ the cont"nents
$5 the dayl"ghts and e*en"ngs
$$ sh"ne
1((F
$7 on my d"rty
$& f"ngerna"ls
$9 and "n some m"rror
7( my face
71 a !lock to *an"sh
72 sc#ffed part of a ch"ld%s
73 !all
7 wh"le e*erywhere
75 mo*es
7$ worms and a"rcraft
77 f"res on the land
7& tall *"olets "n sanct"ty
79 my hands let go let go
&( let go
k*o*
1 he was easy, fat as a h#mm"ng!"rd
2 and I had h"m !low"ng,
3 I 'a!!ed and crossed and took my t"me-
e*ery!ody was wa"t"ng for the ma"n e*ent,
5 dr"nk"ng !eer, and I was th"nk"ng
$ how we were go"ng to f#rn"sh the ho#se,
7 I needed a work!ench and some tools,
& and then he came o*er w"th the r"ght---
9 I had !een look"ng at the l"ghts
1( and the ne)t th"ng I knew e*ery!ody was
11 howl"ng, and I was down on my knees l"ke
12 pray"ng, and when I got #p
13 he was strong and I was weak;
1 well, I tho#ght, I%ll go !ack to the farm,
15 I always was a poor w"nner,
su)"a# +e$ore )oo)
sp"nach, 0a!r"el,
all fall down,
all fall down and !low,
!ar!ados, !ar!ados,
where are yr toes.
1 the !ranches !reak, the !"rds fall, the !#"ld"ngs !#rn,
2 the whores stand stra"ght,
3 the !om!s stack,
e*en"ng, morn"ng, n"ght,
5 pean#t!#tter,
$ pean#t!#tter falcons,
7 ra"n !reath"ng l"ke l"l"es from the top of my head,
& p"ncers p"ncers
9 k"sses l"ke steel clamps
1( mo#ths f#ll of moths,
11 hydra-headed cocks#ckers,
12 =lor"da "n f#ll moon,
13 shark w"th mo#thf#l of man
1 man w"th mo#thf#l of pean#t!#tter, ra"n
15 ra"n peek"ng "nto the g#ts of grey ho#rs,
1$ horses dream"ng of horses,
17 flowers dream"ng of flowers,
1& horses r#nn"ng w"th greyho#r p"eces of my lo*ely flesh,
19 !read !#rn"ng, all /pa"n on f"re and
2( c"t"es dream"ng of craters,
21 !om!s !"gger than the !ra"ns of anyth"ng,
22 go"ng down
23 are the clocks cocks roosters.
2 the roosters stand on the fence
25 the roosters are pean#t!#tter crow"ng,
2$ the =E13D w"ll !e h"gh, the flame w"ll !e !"g,
27 k"ss k"ss k"ss
2& e*eryth"ng away,
29 I hope "t ra"ns today, I hope
3( the 'ets d"e, I hope
31 the k"tten f"nds a mo#se, I hope
32 I don%t see "t, I hope
33 "t ra"ns, I hope
3 anyth"ng away from here,
35 I hope a !r"dge, a f"sh, a cact#s somewhere
3$ str#tt"ng wh"skers to the noon,
37 I dream flowers and horses
3& the !ranches !reak the !"rds fall the !#"ld"ngs
39 !#rn, my whore walks across the room and
( sm"les at me,
6h ra,e whe) he a)!els swu)! low a)" +ur)e"
1 I watched the !oard and the $ dropped to 9
2 after a f"rst flash of 1& from a morn"ng l"ne
3 of 12 ,,, two m"n#tes to post and a fat man
kept 'amm"ng aga"nst my !ack, !#t I made "t,
5 I !et 2( to w"n and walked o#t to the deck
$ look"ng down at my program-
7 p#rple and cer"se @#arters, cer"se slee*es
& and cap; !,f,3,, Ind"an :ed---Impet#o#s, !y ;op :ow,
9 and people kept walk"ng "nto me
1( altho#gh there was no place to go,
11 they were p#tt"ng them "n the gate
12 and the people were walk"ng l"ke ants o*er sp"lled
13 s#gar,
1 the mach"ne had cranked them #p to d"e
15 and they were !l"nd w"th "t,
1$ and now !y the 7th race
17 st"nk"ng sweat"ng !roke #gly
1& reamed
19 there was no way !ack to the dream,
2( and the horses came o#t of the gate
21 and I looked for my colors---
22 I saw them, and the !oy seemed to !e r"d"ng s"deways
23 he had the horse r#nn"ng "n and was p#ll"ng h"s head !ack
2 toward the o#ter ra"l,
25 and I co#ld tell !y the way the horse was str"d"ng
2$ that he was o#t of "t;
27 the act"on had !een all wrong
2& and I walked to the !ar
29 wh"le the w"nners t#rned "nto the stretch,
3( and they were mak"ng the f"nal calls as I ordered my dr"nk,
31 and I leaned there th"nk"ng
32 I once knew places that sweetly cr"ed
33 the"r walls% *o"ces
3 where m"rrors showed me chance,
35 I was once saddened when an e*en"ng !ecame
3$ f"nally a n"ght to sleep away,
37 ---the !artender sa"d, I hear they are go"ng to send "n
3& the 7 horse "n the ne)t one,
1(5F
39 I once sang operas and !#rned candles
( "n a place made holy !y noth"ng !#t myself
1 and whate*er there was,
2 ---I ne*er !et mares "n the s#mmer,
3 I told h"m,
then the crowd came on "n
5 compla"n"ng
$ e)pla"n"ng
7 !ragg"ng
& th"nk"ng of s#"c"de or dr#nkenness or se),
9 and I looked aro#nd
5( l"ke a man wak"ng #p "n 'a"l
51 and whate*er there was
52 !ecame that,
53 and I f"n"shed my dr"nk
5 and walked away,
o) !oi)! ou o !e he &ail i)
1 the droll noon
2 where s@#adrons of worms creep #p l"ke
3 str"pteasers
to !e raped !y !lack!"rds,
5 I go o#ts"de
$ and all #p and down the street
7 the green arm"es shoot color
& l"ke an e*erlast"ng th of G#ly,
9 and I too seem to swell "ns"de,
1( a k"nd of #nknown !#rst"ng, a
11 feel"ng, perhaps, that there "sn%t any
12 enemy
13 anywhere,
1 and I reach down "nto the !o)
15 and there "s
1$ noth"ng---not e*en a
17 letter from the gas co, say"ng they w"ll
1& sh#t "t off
19 aga"n,
2( not e*en a short note from my )-w"fe
21 !ragg"ng a!o#t her present
22 happ"ness,
23 my hand searches the ma"l!o) "n a k"nd of
2 d"s!el"ef long after the m"nd has
25 g"*en #p,
2$ there%s not e*en a dead fly
27 down "n there,
2& I am a fool, I th"nk, I sho#ld ha*e known "t
29 works l"ke th"s,
3( I go "ns"de as all the flowers leap to
31 please me,
32 anyth"ng. the woman
33 asks,
3 noth"ng, I answer, what%s for
35 !reakfast.
i wa)e" o o%erhrow he !o%er)&e) +u all i +rou!h "ow)
was so&e+o"#5s wi$e
1 3( dogs, 2( men on 2( horses and one fo)
2 and look here, they wr"te,
3 yo# are a d#pe for the state, the ch#rch,
yo# are "n the ego-dream,
5 read yo#r h"story, st#dy the monetary system,
$ note that the rac"al war "s 23,((( years old,
7 well, I remem!er 2( years ago, s"tt"ng w"th an old Gew"sh ta"lor,
& h"s nose "n the lampl"ght l"ke a cannon s"ghted on the enemy; and
9 there was an Ital"an pharmac"st who l"*ed "n an e)pens"*e apartment
1( "n the !est part of town; we plotted to o*erthrow
11 a totter"ng dynasty, the ta"lor sew"ng !#ttons on a *est,
12 the Ital"an pok"ng h"s c"gar "n my eye, l"ght"ng me #p,
13 a totter"ng dynasty myself, always dr#nk as poss"!le,
1 well-read, star*"ng, depressed, !#t act#ally
15 a good yo#ng p"ece of ass wo#ld ha*e sol*ed all my rancor,
1$ !#t I d"dn%t know th"s; I l"stened to my Ital"an and my Gew
17 and I went o#t down dark alleys smok"ng !orrowed c"garettes
1& and watch"ng the !acks of ho#ses come down "n flames,
19 !#t somewhere we m"ssed- we were not men eno#gh,
2( large or small eno#gh,
21 or we only wanted to talk or we were !ored, so the anarchy
22 fell thro#gh,
23 and the Gew d"ed and the Ital"an grew angry !eca#se I stayed
2 w"th h"s
25 w"fe when he went down to the pharmacy; he d"d not care to ha*e
2$ h"s personal go*ernment o*erthrown, and she o*erthrew easy, and
27 I had some g#"lt- the ch"ldren were asleep "n the other !edroom;
2& !#t later I won ?2(( "n a crap game and took a !#s to <ew 7rleans,
29 and I stood on the corner l"sten"ng to the m#s"c com"ng from !ars
3( and then I went "ns"de to the !ars,
31 and I sat there th"nk"ng a!o#t the dead Gew,
32 how all he d"d was sew on !#ttons and talk,
33 and how he ga*e way altho#gh he was stronger than any of #s---
3 he ga*e way !eca#se h"s !ladder wo#ld not go on,
35 and may!e that sa*ed Ball /treet and 3anhattan
3$ and the 8h#rch and 8entral 6ark Best and :ome and the
37 Eeft 4ank, !#t the pharmac"st%s w"fe, she was n"ce,
3& she was t"red of !om!s #nder the p"llow and h"ss"ng the 6ope,
39 and she had a *ery n"ce f"g#re, *ery good legs,
( !#t I g#ess she felt as I- that the weakness was not 0o*ernment
1 !#t 3an, one at a t"me, that men were ne*er as strong as
2 the"r "deas
3 and that "deas were go*ernments t#rned "nto men;
and so "t !egan on a co#ch w"th a sp"lled mart"n"
5 and "t ended "n the !edroom- des"re, re*ol#t"on,
$ nonsense ended, and the shades rattled "n the w"nd,
7 rattled l"ke sa!res, cracked l"ke cannon,
& and 3( dogs, 2( men on 2( horses chased one fo)
9 across the f"elds #nder the s#n,
5( and I got o#t of !ed and yawned and scratched my !elly
51 and knew that soon *ery soon I wo#ld ha*e to get
52 *ery dr#nk aga"n,
he !irls
1 I ha*e !een look"ng at
2 the same
3 lampshade
for
5 5 years
$ and "t has gathered
7 a !achelor%s d#st
& and
9 the g"rls who enter here
1( are too
11 !#sy
12 to clean "t
13 !#t I don%t m"nd
1 I ha*e !een too
15 !#sy
1$ to not"ce
17 #nt"l now
1& that the l"ght
19 sh"nes
2( !adly
21 thro#gh
22 5 years%
23 worth,
a )oe o) re7e,io) sli's
1 "t "s not *ery good
2 to not get thro#gh
3 whether "t%s the
wall
5 the h#man m"nd
$ sleep
7 wakef#lness
& se)
9 e)cret"on
1( or most anyth"ng
11 yo# can name
12 or
13 can%t name,
1 when a ch"cken
15 catches "ts worm
1$ the ch"cken gets thro#gh
17 and when the worm
1& catches yo#
19 (dead or al"*e)
2( I%d ha*e to say,
21 e*en thro#gh "ts lack
22 of sens"!"l"ty,
23 that "t en'oys
2 "t,
25 "t%s l"ke when yo#
2$ send th"s poem
27 !ack
2& I%ll f"g#re
29 "t '#st d"dn%t get
3( thro#gh,
31 e"ther there were
32 fatter worms
33 or the ch"cken
3 co#ldn%t
35 see,
3$ the ne)t t"me
37 I !reak an egg
3& I%ll th"nk of
39 yo#,
( scram!le w"th
1 fork
2 and then t#rn #p
3 the flame
"f I
5 ha*e
$ one,
rue sor#
1 they fo#nd h"m walk"ng along the freeway
2 all red "n
3 front
he had taken a r#sty t"n can
5 and c#t off h"s se)#al
$ mach"nery
7 as "f to say---
& see what yo#%*e done to
9 me. yo# m"ght as well ha*e the
1( rest,
11 and he p#t part of h"m
12 "n one pocket and
13 part of h"m "n
1 another
15 and that%s how they fo#nd h"m,
1$ walk"ng
17 along,
1& they ga*e h"m o*er to the
19 doctors
2( who tr"ed to sew the parts
21 !ack
22 on
23 !#t the parts were
2 @#"te contented
25 they way they
2$ were,
27 I th"nk somet"mes of all the good
2& ass
29 t#rned o*er to the
3( monsters of the
31 world,
32 may!e "t was h"s protest aga"nst
33 th"s or
3 h"s protest
35 aga"nst
3$ e*eryth"ng,
37 a one man
3& =reedom 3arch
39 that ne*er s@#ee+ed "n
( !etween
1 the concert re*"ews and the
2 !ase!all
3 scores,
0od, or some!ody,
5 !less
$ h"m,
)-p#g
1 he hooked to the !ody hard
2 took "t well
3 and lo*ed to f"ght
had se*en "n a row and a small fleck
5 o*er one eye,
$ and then he met a k"d from 8amden
7 w"th arms th"n as w"res---
& "t was a good one,
9 the safe l"ons roared and threw money;
1( they were !oth #p and down many t"mes,
11 !#t he lost that one
12 and he lost the rematch
13 "n wh"ch ne"ther of them fo#ght at all,
1 hang"ng on to each other l"ke lo*ers thro#gh the !oos,
15 and now he%s o*er at 3"ke%s
1$ chang"ng t"res and o"l and !atter"es,
17 the fleck o*er the eye
1& st"ll yo#ng,
19 !#t yo# don%t ask h"m,
2( yo# don%t ask h"m anyth"ng
21 e)cept may!e
22 yo# th"nk "t%s go"ng to ra"n.
23 or
2 yo# th"nk the s#n%s gonna come o#t.
25 to wh"ch he%ll #s#ally answer
2$ hell no,
27 !#t yo#%ll ha*e yo#r "mportant tank of gas
2& and dr"*e off,
,lass
1 these !oys ha*e got class
2 they o#ght to make k"ngs
3 o#t of old men
roll"ng c"garettes
5 "n rooms small eno#gh
$ to recogn"+e
7 a s"ngle shadow;
& for them
9 all has gone away
1( l"ke a l"ght #nder the
11 door
12 yet
13 they recogn"+e and
1 !ear the a!sence;
15 tr"cked and sl#gged to
1$ +ero
17 they wa"t on death
1& w"th the temperate pat"ence of
19 a mother teach"ng her ch"ld
2( to eat;
21 for them, e*eryth"ng has
22 r#n away
23 l"ke a rose "n the mo#th
2 of a hog;
25 the !#rn"ng of c"t"es
2$ m#st ha*e !een
27 l"ke th"s,
2& !#t l"ke tr#cks of gar!age
29 shak"ng w"th lo*e
3( these !oys
31 m"ght
32 r"se l"ke Eorca
33 o#t of the road
3 w"th one more poem,
35 r"se l"ke
3$ Ea+ar#s to
37 ga+e #pon the
3& st"ll l"*"ng female,
39 and then
( get dr#nk
1 dr#nk
2 #nt"l "t all
3 falls apart
so sad
5 aga"n,
li%i)!
1 I mean, I '#st slept
2 I awoke w"th a fly on my el!ow and
3 I named the fly 4enny
then I k"lled h"m
5 and then I got #p and looked "n the
$ ma"l!o)
7 and there was some k"nd of warn"ng from the
& go*ernment
9 !#t s"nce there wasn%t any!ody stand"ng "n the !#shes w"th
1( a !ayonet
11 I tore "t #p
12 and went !ack to !ed and looked #p at the ce"l"ng
13 and I tho#ght, I really l"ke th"s,
1 I%m '#st go"ng to l"e here for another ten
15 m"n#tes
1$ and I lay there for another ten m"n#tes
17 and I tho#ght,
1& "t doesn%t make sense, I%*e got so many th"ngs to
19 do !#t I%m go"ng to l"e here another
2( half ho#r,
21 and I stretched
22 stretched
23 and I watched the s#n thro#gh the small lea*es of a tree
2 o#ts"de, and I d"dn%t ha*e any wonderf#l tho#ghts,
25 I d"dn%t ha*e any "mmortal tho#ghts,
2$ and that was the !est part
27 and "t got a l"ttle hot
2& and I threw the !lankets off and slept---
29 !#t a damned dream-
3( I was on the tra"n aga"n
31 on that same 5 ho#r ro#nd-tr"p to the track,
32 s"tt"ng !y the w"ndow,
33 past the same sad ocean, 8h"na o#t there mo#th"ng
3 pec#l"ar"t"es "n the !ack of my
35 !ra"n, and then some!ody sat ne)t to me
3$ and talked a!o#t horses
37 moth!alls of talk that r"pped me apart l"ke
3& death, and then I was there
39 aga"n- the horses r#nn"ng l"ke someth"ng shown on a
( screen and the 'ockeys *ery wh"te "n the face
1 and "t d"dn%t matter who f"nally
2 won and e*ery!ody knew
3 "t, the r"de !ack "n the dream was the same as the r"de
!ack "n real"ty-
5 !lack tons of n"ght aro#nd
$ the same mo#nta"ns ashamed of !e"ng
7 there, the sea aga"n, aga"n,
& the tra"n head"ng l"ke a cock thro#gh a needle%s
9 eye
5( and I had to get #p and go to the #r"nal
51 and I hated to get #p and go to the #r"nal
52 !eca#se some!ody had thrown paper, some loser had thrown paper
53 "nto the to"let aga"n and "t wo#ldn%t
5 fl#sh, and when I came !ack o#t
55 e*ery!ody had noth"ng to do !#t look at my
5$ face
57 and I am so t"red
5& that they know when they see my face
59 that I hate
$( them
$1 and then they hate me
$2 and want to
$3 k"ll me
$ !#t don%t,
$5 I woke #p !#t s"nce there wasn%t any!ody
$$ o*er my !ed
$7 to tell me I was do"ng
$& wrong
$9 I slept some
7( more,
71 when I woke #p th"s t"me
72 "t was almost
73 e*en"ng, people were com"ng "n from work,
7 I got #p and sat "n a cha"r and watched them
75 com"ng "n, they d"dn%t look so good,
7$ e*en the yo#ng g"rls d"dn%t look so good as when they
77 left,
7& and the men came "n- hatchet men, k"llers, th"e*es, con-men,
79 the whole !#nch, and the"r faces were more horr"!le than any
&( halloween masks e*er de*"sed,
&1 I fo#nd a !l#e sp"der "n the corner and k"lled h"m w"th a
&2 !room,
&3 I looked at the people a wh"le more and then I got t"red and
& stopped look"ng and fr"ed myself a co#ple of eggs and sat down
&5 and had some tea and !read w"th "t,
&$ I felt f"ne,
&7 then I took a !ath and went !ack to
&& !ed,
he i)elle,ual
1 she wr"tes
2 cont"n#ally
3 l"ke a long no++le
spray"ng
5 the a"r,
$ and she arg#es
7 cont"n#ally;
& there "s noth"ng
9 I can say
1( that "s really not
11 someth"ng else,
12 so,
13 I stop say"ng;
1 and f"nally
15 she arg#es herself
1$ o#t the door
17 say"ng
1& someth"ng l"ke---
19 I%m not try"ng to
2( "mpress myself
21 #pon yo#,
22 !#t I know
23 she w"ll !e
2 !ack, they always
25 come !ack,
2$ and
27 at 5 p,m,
2& she was knock"ng at the door,
29 I let her "n,
3( I won%t stay long, she sa"d,
31 "f yo# don%t want me,
32 "t%s all r"ght, I sa"d,
33 I%*e got to take a
3 !ath,
35 she walked "nto the k"tchen and
3$ !egan on the
37 d"shes,
3& "t%s l"ke !e"ng marr"ed-
39 yo# accept
( e*eryth"ng
1 as "f
2 "t hadn%t happened,
sho o$ re"8e#e
1 I #sed to hold my soc"al sec#r"ty card
2 #p "n the a"r,
3 he told me,
!#t I was so small
5 they co#ldn%t see "t,
$ all those !"g
7 g#ys aro#nd,
& yo# mean the place w"th the
9 !"g green screen.
1( I asked,
11 yeah, well, anyhow, I f"nally got on
12 the other day
13 p"ck"ng tomatoes, and Ges#s 8hr"st,
1 I co#ldn%t get anywhere
15 "t was too hot, too hot
1$ and I co#ldn%t get anyth"ng "n my sack
17 so I lay #nder the tr#ck
1& "n the shade and drank
19 w"ne, I d"dn%t make a
2( d"me,
21 ha*e a dr"nk, I sa"d,
22 s#re, he sa"d,
23 two !"g women came "n and
2 I mean 4I0
25 and they sat ne)t to
2$ #s,
27 shot of red-eye, one of them
2& sa"d to the !artender,
29 l"kew"se, sa"d the other,
3( they p#lled the"r dresses #p
31 aro#nd the"r h"ps and
32 sw#ng the"r legs,
33 #m, #mm, I th"nk I%m go"ng mad, I told
3 my fr"end from the tomato f"elds,
35 Ges#s, he sa"d, Ges#s and 3ary, I can%t
3$ !el"e*e what I see,
37 "t%s all
3& there, I sa"d,
39 yo# a f"ghter. the one ne)t to me
( asked,
1 no, I sa"d,
2 what happened to yo#r
3 face.
a#tomo!"le acc"dent on the /an 4erdoo
5 freeway, some dr#nk '#mped the d"*"der, I was
$ the dr#nk,
7 how old are yo#, daddy.
& old eno#gh to sl"ce the melon, I sa"d,
9 tapp"ng my c"gar ashes "nto my !eer to g"*e me
5( strength,
51 can yo# !#y a melon. she asked,
52 ha*e yo# e*er !een chased across the 3o'a*e and
53 raped.
5 no, she sa"d,
55 I p#lled o#t my last 2( and w"th an old man%s
5$ *"r"le a!andon ordered
57 fo#r dr"nks,
5& !oth g"rls sm"led and p#lled the"r dresses
59 h"gher, "f that was poss"!le,
$( who%s yo#r fr"end. they asked,
$1 th"s "s Eord 8hesterf"eld, I told them,
$2 pleased ta meetcha, they
$3 sa"d,
$ hello, !"tches, he answered,
$5 we walked thro#gh the 3rd street t#nnel
$$ to a green hotel, the g"rls had a
$7 key,
$& there was one !ed and we all got
$9 "n, I don%t know who got
7( who,
71 the ne)t morn"ng my fr"end and I
72 were down at the =arm Ea!or 3arket
73 on /an 6edro /treet
7 hold"ng #p and wa*"ng o#r soc"al
75 sec#r"ty cards,
7$ they co#ldn%t see
77 h"s,
7& I was the last one on the tr#ck o#t, a !"g woman stood
79 #p aga"nst me, she smelled l"ke
&( port w"ne,
&1 honey, she asked, whate*er happened to yo#r
&2 face.
&3 fa"r gro#nds, a danc"ng !ear who
& d"dn%t,
&5 !#llsh"t, she sa"d,
&$ may!e so, I sa"d, !#t get yo#r hand o#t
&7 from aro#nd my
&& !alls, e*ery!ody%s look"ng,
&9 when we got to the
9( f"elds the s#n was
91 really #p
92 and the world
93 looked
9 terr"!le,
i &e a !e)ius
1 I met a gen"#s on the tra"n
2 today
3 a!o#t $ years old,
he sat !es"de me
5 and as the tra"n
$ ran down along the coast
7 we came to the ocean
& and then he looked at me
9 and sa"d,
1( "t%s not pretty,
11 "t was the f"rst t"me I%d
12 real"+ed
13 that,
'o%er#
1 "t "s the man yo#%*e ne*er seen who
2 keeps yo# go"ng,
3 the one who m"ght arr"*e
someday,
5 he "sn%t o#t on the streets or
$ "n the !#"ld"ngs or "n the
7 stad"#ms,
& or "f he%s there
9 I%*e m"ssed h"m somehow,
1( he "sn%t one of o#r pres"dents
11 or statesmen or actors,
12 I wonder "f he%s there,
13 I walk down the streets
1 past dr#gstores and hosp"tals and
15 theatres and cafes
1$ and I wonder "f he "s there,
17 I ha*e looked almost half a cent#ry
1& and he has not !een seen,
19 a l"*"ng man, tr#ly al"*e,
2( say when he !r"ngs h"s hands down
21 from l"ght"ng a c"garette
22 yo# see h"s eyes
23 l"ke the eyes of a t"ger star"ng past
2 "nto the w"nd,
25 !#t when the hands come down
2$ "t "s always the
27 other eyes
2& that are there
29 always always,
3( and soon "t w"ll !e too late for me
31 and I w"ll ha*e l"*ed a l"fe
32 w"th dr#gstores, cats, sheets, sal"*a,
33 newspapers, women, doors and other assortments,
3 !#t nowhere
35 a l"*"ng man,
o kiss he wor&s !oo")i!h
1 kool eno#gh to d"e !#t not
2 k"ll I take my doctor%s green
3 p"ll
dr"nk tea
5 as the sharks sw"m thro#gh *ases of
$ flowers
7 ten t"mes aro#nd they go
& twenty
9 search"ng for my s"ssy
1( heart
11 "n a freak 3ay n"ght "n
12 Eos 1ngeles
13 /#nday
1 some!ody play"ng
15 4eetho*en
1$ I s"t !eh"nd p#lled shades
17 "n am!#sh
1& as am!"t"o#s men w"th new a#tomo!"les and
19 new !londes
2( command the streets
21 I s"t "n a rented room
22 car*"ng a wooden r"fle
23 draw"ng p"ct#res of naked lad"es
2 !#lls
25 lo*e affa"rs
2$ old men
27 on the walls w"th ch"ldren%s
2& crayons
29 "t "s #p to each of #s to l"*e "n
3( whate*er way we can
31 as the generals, doctors, pol"cemen
32 warn and tort#re
33 #s
3 I !athe once a day
35 am fr"ghtened !y cats and
3$ shadows
37 sleep hardly at all
3& when my heart stops
39 the whole world w"ll get @#"cker
( !etter
1 warmer
2 s#mmer w"ll follow s#mmer
3 the a"r w"ll !e lake clear
and the mean"ng
5 too
$ !#t meanwh"le
7 the green p"ll
& these greasy floors off the
9 a*en#e and
5( down there a plot of worms of worms of
51 worms
52 and #p here
53 no nymph !londe
5 to lo*e me to sleep wh"le I am
55 wa"t"ng,
7oh) "illi)!er a)" le ,hasseur &au"i
1 "t%s #nfort#nate, and s"mply not the style, !#t I don%t care-
2 g"rls rem"nd me of ha"r "n the s"nk, g"rls rem"nd me of "ntest"nes
3 and !ladders and e)cretory mo*ements; "t%s #nfort#nate also that
"ce-cream !ells, !a!"es, eng"ne-*al*es, plag"ostomes, palm trees,
5 footsteps "n the hall ,,, all e)c"te me w"th the cold calmness
$ of the gra*estone; nowhere, perhaps, "s there sanct#ary e)cept
7 "n hear"ng that there were other desperate men-
& A"ll"nger, :"m!a#d, 9"llon, 4a!yface <elson, /eneca, 9an 0ogh,
9 or desperate women- lady wrestlers, n#rses, wa"tresses, whores
1( poetesses ,,, altho#gh,
11 I do s#ppose the !reak"ng o#t of "ce-c#!es "s "mportant
12 or a mo#se nos"ng an empty !eercan---
13 two hollow empt"nesses look"ng "nto each other,
1 or the n"ghtsea st#ck w"th so"led sh"ps
15 that enter the chary we! of yo#r !ra"n w"th the"r l"ghts,
1$ w"th the"r salty l"ghts
17 that to#ch yo# and lea*e yo#
1& for the more sol"d lo*e of some Ind"a;
19 or dr"*"ng great d"stances w"tho#t reason
2( sleep-dr#gged thro#gh open w"ndows that
21 tear and flap yo#r sh"rt l"ke a fr"ghtened !"rd,
22 and always the stopl"ghts, always red,
23 n"ghtf"re and defeat, defeat ,,,
2 scorp"ons, scraps, fardels-
25 )-'o!s, )-w"*es, )-faces, )-l"*es,
2$ 4eetho*en "n h"s gra*e as dead as a !eet;
27 red wheel-!arrows, yes, perhaps,
2& or a letter from 2ell s"gned !y the de*"l
29 or two good !oys !eat"ng the g#ts o#t of each other
3( "n some cheap stad"#m f#ll of scream"ng smoke,
31 !#t mostly, I don%t care, s"tt"ng here
32 w"th a mo#thf#l of rotten teeth,
33 s"tt"ng here read"ng 2err"ck and /penser and
3 3ar*ell and 2opk"ns and 4ronte (Dm"ly, today);
35 and l"sten"ng to the A*orak 3"dday B"tch
3$ or =ranck%s Ee 8hasse#r 3a#d"t,
37 act#ally I don%t care, and "t%s #nfort#nate-
3& I ha*e !een gett"ng letters from a yo#ng poet
39 (*ery yo#ng, "t seems) tell"ng me that some day
( I w"ll most s#rely !e recogn"+ed as
1 one of the world%s great poets, 6oet>
2 a mal*ersat"on- today I walked "n the s#n and streets
3 of th"s c"ty- see"ng noth"ng, learn"ng noth"ng, !e"ng
noth"ng, and com"ng !ack to my room
5 I passed an old woman who sm"led a horr"!le sm"le;
$ she was already dead, and e*erywhere I remem!ered w"res-
7 telephone w"res, electr"c w"res, w"res for electr"c faces
& trapped l"ke goldf"sh "n the glass and sm"l"ng,
9 and the !"rds were gone, none of the !"rds wanted w"re
5( or the sm"l"ng of w"re
51 and I closed my door (at last)
52 !#t thro#gh the w"ndows "t was the same-
53 a horn honked, some!ody la#ghed, a to"let fl#shed,
5 and oddly then
55 I tho#ght of all the horses w"th n#m!ers
5$ that ha*e gone !y "n the scream"ng,
57 gone !y l"ke /ocrates, gone !y l"ke Eorca,
5& l"ke 8hatterton ,,,
59 I%d rather "mag"ne o#r death w"ll not matter too m#ch
$( e)cept as a matter of d"sposal, a pro!lem,
$1 l"ke d#mp"ng the gar!age,
$2 and altho#gh I ha*e sa*ed the yo#ng poet%s letters,
$3 I do not !el"e*e them
$ !#t l"ke at the
$5 d"seased palm trees
$$ and the end of the s#n,
$7 I somet"mes look,
he $lower lo%er
1 "n the 9alker"e 3o#nta"ns
2 among the str#tt"ng peacocks
3 I fo#nd a flower
as large as my
5 head
$ and when I reached "n to smell
7 "t
& I lost an ear lo!e
9 part of my nose
1( one eye
11 and half a pack of
12 c"garettes,
13 I came !ack
1 the ne)t day
15 to hack the damned th"ng
1$ down
17 !#t fo#nd "t so
1& !ea#t"f#l I
19 k"lled a
2( peacock
21 "nstead,
ra$$i, i,ke
1 I walked off the 'o! aga"n
2 and the pol"ce stopped me
3 for r#nn"ng a red l"ght at /errano 1*e,
my m"nd was rather gone
5 and I stood "n a patch of lea*es
$ ankle-deep
7 and kept my head t#rned
& so they co#ldn%t smell the l"@#or
9 too m#ch
1( and I took the t"cket and went to my room
11 and got a good symphony on the rad"o,
12 one of the :#ss"ans or 0ermans,
13 one of the dark to#gh !oys
1 !#t st"ll I felt lonely and cold
15 and kept l"ght"ng c"garettes
1$ and I t#rned on the heater
17 and then down on the floor
1& I saw a maga+"ne w"th my photo
19 on the co*er
2( and I walked o*er and p"cked "t #p
21 !#t "t wasn%t me
22 !eca#se yesterday "s gone
23 and today "s only cats#p
2 and rac"ng ho#nds
25 and s"ckness
2$ and women some women
27 momentar"ly as !ea#t"f#l
2& as any of the cathedrals,
29 and now they play 4artok
3( who knew what he was do"ng
31 wh"ch meant he d"dn%t know what he was do"ng,
32 and tomorrow I s#ppose I w"ll go !ack
33 to the f#ck"ng 'o!
3 l"ke a man to a w"fe w"th fo#r k"ds
35 "f they%ll ha*e me
3$ !#t today I know that I ha*e gotten o#t of
37 some k"nd of net,
3& 3( seconds more and I wo#ld ha*e !een dead,
39 and "t "s "mportant to recogn"+e
( one sho#ld recogn"+e
1 that type of moment
2 "f he wants to cont"n#e
3 to a*a"l the g#t and the sacked sk#ll of a
flower a mo#nta"n a sh"p a woman
5 the code of the frost and the stone
$ e*eryth"ng laps"ng "nto a sense of moment
7 that cleans l"ke the !est damn soap on the market
& and !r"ngs 6ar"s, /pa"n, the groans of 2em"ngway,
9 the !l#e madonna, the new-!orn !#ll,
5( a n"ght "n a closet w"th red pa"nt
51 r"ght down "n on yo#,
52 and I hope to pay the t"cket
53 e*en tho#gh I d"d not (I th"nk) r#n the red l"ght
5 !#t
55 they sa"d I d"d,
a lile slee' a)" 'ea,e o$ sill)ess
1 "f yo#%re a man, Eos 1ngeles "s where yo# hang "t #p and
2 !attle; or "f yo#%re a woman, and yo#%*e got eno#gh leg and
3 the rest, yo# sa"l "t aga"nst a mo#nta"n !ackdrop so
when yo# grow grey yo# can h"de "n 4e*erly 2"lls
5 "n a mans"on so no!ody can see how yo#%*e decayed,
$ so we mo*ed here---and what do we come #p aga"nst
7 e)cept a rel"g"o#s man"ac "n the ne)t shack who
& dr"nks cheap w"ne and has *"s"ons and plays h"s rad"o
9 as lo#dly as poss"!le, my god>
1( I know all the sp"r"t#als now>
11 I know how *ery m#ch I ha*e s"nned and I real"+e I m#st d"e
12 and I%*e got to get ready ,,,
13 !#t I co#ld #se a l"ttle sleep f"rst
1 '#st a l"ttle sleep and peace of s"lence,
15 I open the w"ndow and there he "s
1$ o#t on the lawn
17 danc"ng to a hymn
1& a sp"r"t#al
19 a whate*er,
2( he has on a pa"r of red !ath"ng tr#nks
21 he%s well-tanned and dr#nk on w"ne
22 !#t h"s mo*ements are hard and awkward---
23 he%s too fat
2 a waln#t-l"ke man, d"storted and shapeless at
25 55,
2$ and he wa*es h"s arms "n the s#n and the !"rds fly #p
27 fr"ghtened
2& and then he wh"rls !ack "nto h"s doorway,
29 !#t the *"ew from the street here "s good---
3( there are Gapanese and old women and yo#ng g"rls and
31 !eggars,
32 we ha*e large palms
33 plenty of !"rds
3 and the park"ng%s not !ad ,,,
35 !#t o#r rel"g"o#s man"ac does not work
3$ he%s too cle*er to work
37 and so we !oth l"e aro#nd
3& l"sten to h"s rad"o
39 dr"nk
( and I wonder wh"ch of #s w"ll get to hell f"rst---
1 h"m w"th h"s !"!le or me w"th my :ac"ng =orm
2 !#t "f I%*e got to hear h"m down there I know I%m go"ng to ha*e to
3 ha*e some help, and the ne)t dance w"ll !e m"ne,
r"ght now I w"sh I had someth"ng to sell so I co#ld h"de "n a
5 place
$ w"th walls twel*e feet h"gh
7 w"th moats
& and h"gh-yellow mamas,
9 !#t "t looks l"ke some long days and n"ghts ahead,
5( as always,
51 at the least I can only hope for the weaken"ng of a
52 rad"o t#!e,
53 and at the most for h"s death,
5 wh"ch we are !oth pray"ng and
55 ready for,
he e%e) looke" like a )i,e !u#
1 he packaged "t #p neatly "n d"fferent sect"ons
2 send"ng the legs to an a#nt "n /t, Eo#"s
3 the head to a sco#tmaster "n 4rooklyn
the !elly to a cross-eyed !#tcher "n Aes 3o"nes,
5 the female organs were sent to a yo#ng pr"est "n Eos 1ngeles;
$ the arms he threw to h"s dog
7 and he kept the hands to #se as n#t-crackers, and all the
& lefto*er and assorted parts
9 l"ke !reasts and !#ttocks he !o"led "nto a so#p
1( wh"ch strangely
11 tasted !etter than she e*er had,
12 he spent the money "n her p#rse
13 he !o#ght good =rench w"ne, fr"'oles, a po#nd of grass
1 and two parakeets; he !o#ght the collected works of
15 Ceats, a 5 foot s@#are red !andana, a sc"ssors w"th
1$ "*ory handles, and a !o) of candy for h"s
17 landlady,
1& then he drank and ate and slept for three days and n"ghts
19 and when the pol"ce came
2( he seemed *ery fr"endly and calm
21 and all the way to the stat"on ho#se
22 he talked of the weather, the color of the mo#nta"ns,
23 *ar"o#s th"ngs l"ke that, he d"dn%t seem l"ke that k"nd of k"ller
2 at all,
25 "t was *ery strange,
,hil"re) i) he sk#
1 the !oys come #p
2 the !oys cl"m! #p the
3 !rown pole
as the waterheater g#rgles
5 "n /pan"sh
$ the !oys cl"m! the
7 !rown pole---
& 8harlemagne fo#ght for th"s
9 Il A#ce was t"lted from h"s car
1( sk"nned l"ke a !ear
11 and h#ng
12 #ps"dedown
13 for th"s---
1 the !oys cl"m! #p
15 the !rown pole
1$ 3 or of
17 them;
1& we ha*e '#st mo*ed "n
19 th"s !#"ld"ng,
2( the pa"nt"ngs st"ll
21 #npacked, the letters from
22 Dngland and 8h"cago and
23 8heyenne and
2 <ew 7rleans,
25 !#t the !eer%s on
2$ and there are 5 oranges
27 and pears on the ta!le
2& so l"fe%s not
29 !ad
3( e)cept some!ody wanted
31 ?15 to
32 t#rn on the gas;
33 the !oys cl"m! the phonepole
3 to leap onto the
35 !l#egreen
3$ garage roofs
37 and I stand naked
3& !eh"nd a c#rta"n,
39 smok"ng a c"gar,
( and "mpressed
1 "mpressed as I can !e
2 as "f
3 the 9"rg"n 3ary
was danc"ng
5 o#ts"de;
$ and thro#gh the w"ndow
7 to the <orth
& I can see 2 men
9 feed"ng
5( 5 p"geons
51 and the p"geons
52 walk "n separate c"rcles
53 of & or 1(
5 as "f t"ed together
55 !y a re*ol*"ng str"ng,
5$ and "t "s 3 o%clock
57 "n the afternoon and
5& a good c"gar,
59 8"cero fo#ght for th"s,
$( Gake Ea3otta and
$1 Baslaw <"'"nsky,
$2 !#t some!ody stole
$3 o#r g#"tar
$ and I ha*en%t taken my
$5 *"tam"ns
$$ for weeks,
$7 the !oys r#n on the
$& green!l#e roofs
$9 as to the <orth the
7( p"geons r"se;
71 "t "s desperately
72 holy
73 and I !low o#t
7 grey and @#"et
75 smoke,
7$ then a woman "n a red coat,
77 e*"dently an off"c"al,
7& some matron of
79 learn"ng
&( dec"des that
&1 the sky needs
&2 clean"ng-
&3 2ey > > > yo# !oys get
& A7B<
&5 from there>
&$ "t "s !ea#t"f#l as
&7 deer
&& r#nn"ng from the
&9 h#nter,
9( 1gr"pp"na fo#ght for th"s,
91 e*en 3"thr"dates,
92 e*en B"ll"am 2a+l"tt,
93 there "s noth"ng to do
9 now
95 !#t #npack,
he weaher is ho o) he +a,k o$ &# wa,h
1 the weather "s hot on the !ack of my watch
2 wh"ch "s down at ="nkelste"n%s
3 who "s g"fted w"th 3 !alls
!#t no heart, !#t yo#%*e got to #nderstand
5 when the !#ll goes down
$ or the whore, the heart "s la"d as"de for someth"ng else,
7 and let%s not o*er-rate o!*"o#s decency
& for "n a crap game yo# may !e c#tt"ng down
9 some wo!!ly k"ng of $ k"ds
1( and a hemorrho"d !#tt on h"s last #nemployment check,
11 and who "s to say the rose "s greater than the thorn.
12 not I, 2enry,
13 and when yo#r lo*e gets fla!!y knees and prefers flat shoes,
1 may!e yo# sho#ld ha*e st#ck "t "nto someth"ng else
15 l"ke an o"l well
1$ or a herd of cows,
17 I%m too old to arg#e,
1& I%*e gone w"th the poem
19 and !een k,o,%d w"th the old s#cker-p#nch
2( ro#nd after ro#nd,
21 !#t somet"mes I l"ke to th"nk of the Ca"ser
22 or any other fool f#ll of medals and noth"ng else,
23 or the f"rst t"me we read Aos
2 or Dl"ot w"th h"s tro#sers rolled;
25 the weather "s hot on the !ack of my watch
2$ wh"ch "s down at ="nkelste"n%s,
27 !#t yo# know what they say- th"ngs are to#gh all o*er,
2& and I remem!er once on the !#m "n ;e)as
29 I watched a crow-!last, one h#ndred farmers w"th one h#ndred
3( shotg#ns
31 'erk"ng off the sky w"th a g"ant pen"s of hate
32 and the crows came down half-dead, half-l"*"ng,
33 and they cl#!!ed them to death to sa*e the"r shells
3 !#t they ran o#t of shells !efore they ran o#t of crows
35 and the crows came !ack and walked aro#nd the pellets and
3$ st#ck o#t the"r tong#es
37 and mo#rned the"r dead and elected new leaders
3& and then all at once flew home to f#ck to f"ll the gap,
39 yo# can only k"ll what sho#ldn%t !e there,
( and ="nkelste"n sho#ld !e there and my watch
1 and may!e myself, and I real"+e that "f the poems are !ad
2 they are s#pposed to !e !ad and "f they are good
3 they are l"kew"se s#pposed to !e---altho#gh there "s a m"nor
f"ght to !e fo#ght,
5 !#t st"ll I am sad
$ !eca#se I was "n th"s small town somewhere "n the !adlands,
7 way off co#rse, not e*en want"ng to !e there,
& two dollars "n my wallet, and a farmer t#rned to me
9 and asked me what t"me "t was
5( and I wo#ldn%t tell h"m,
51 and later they gathered them #p for !#rn"ng
52 as "f they were no !etter than d#ng w"th feathers,
53 feathers and a l"ttle gasol"ne,
5 and from the !ottom of one p"le
55 a not-@#"te-dead crow sm"led at me,
5$ "t was -35 p,m,
)oe o a la"# who e1'e,e" ru'er +rooke
1 wha%, what d"d yo# e)pect. a school!oy l"sp"ng Aonne. or
2 some more pract"cal lo*er f"ll"ng yo# w"th the stench of E"fe.
3 I%m a fool and no gentleman- I walked the 4rooklyn 4r"dge
w"th 8rane "n pa'amas, !#t s#"c"de fa"ls as yo# get older-
5 there%s less and less to k"ll,
$ so among the sk"n and lam!chops, the s"ck neckt"es of
7 other closets, I scheme schemes ro#nd as oranges
& f"lled w"th the m#s"c of my crafty m#m!l"ng,
9 4rooke. no, I am a monkey w"th an ol"*e lost "n the
1( c"rc#s sand of yo#r la#ghter, c"rc#s apes, c"rc#s t"gers,
11 c"rc#s madmen of f"nance screw"ng the"r secretar"es !efore
12 the 5-15 ,,, and what d"d yo# e)pect.
13 a p"nk-cheek dr"!!l"ng 6"casso colors on yo#r dry !ra"n.
1 so, the room was !l#e w"th the smoke of my !o"l"ng, hell,
15 a senseless sea
1$ and I fell f"ngers sotted to the last p"nch of yo#r '#"ce,
17 fell thro#gh the thorned *"nes c#rs"ng yo#r name,
1& no gentleman
19 no gentleman,
2( k"ssed-off lo*e l"ke snake-!"te,
21 the *eranda !#++ed w"th fl"es, !#++ed w"th fl"es
22 and l"es, and yo#r red mo#th screamed,
23 yo#r lamps screamed
2 !reak"ng l"ke o*erd#e !"lls-
25 A:I<C> A:I<C 101I<>
2$ 7, H7I IAI7;>
27 so, Heats, Ceats, teats ,,, noth"ng !#t an apr"cot>
2& wha%, what happened to /pa"n. my !oy Eorca.
29 the re*ol#t"on. m#st 'o"n the !r"gade>
3( lemme o#ta here>
he "i$$ere),e +ewee) a +a" 'oe a)" a !oo" o)e is lu,k
1 I s#ppose so,
2 I was l"*"ng "n an att"c "n 6h"ladelph"a
3 "t !ecame *ery hot "n the s#mmer and so I stayed "n the
!ars, I d"dn%t ha*e any money and so w"th what was almost left
5 I p#t a small ad "n the paper and sa"d I was a wr"ter
$ look"ng for work ,,,
7 wh"ch was a god damned l"e; I was a wr"ter
& look"ng for a l"ttle t"me and a l"ttle food and some
9 att"c rent,
1( a co#ple of days later when I f"nally came home
11 from somewhere
12 the landlady sa"d, there was some!ody look"ng for
13 yo#, and I sa"d,
1 there m#st !e some m"stake, she sa"d,
15 no, "t was a wr"ter and he sa"d he wanted yo# to help h"m wr"te
1$ a h"story !ook,
17 oh, f"ne, I sa"d, and I knew w"th that I had another week%s
1& rent---I mean, on the c#ff---
19 so I sat aro#nd dr"nk"ng w"ne on cred"t and watch"ng the
2( hot p"geons
21 s#ffer and f#ck on my hot roof,
22 I t#rned the rad"o on real lo#d
23 drank the w"ne and wondered how I co#ld make a h"story !ook
2 "nterest"ng !#t tr#e,
25 !#t the !astard ne*er came !ack,
2$ and I had to f"nally s"gn on w"th a ra"lroad track gang
27 go"ng Best
2& and they ga*e #s cans of food !#t no
29 openers
3( and we !roke the cans aga"nst the seats and s"des of
31 ra"lroad cars a h#ndred years old w"th d#st
32 the food wasn%t cooked and the water tasted l"ke
33 candlew"ck
3 and I leaped off "nto a cl#mp of !r#sh somewhere "n
35 ;e)as
3$ all green w"th n"ce-look"ng ho#ses "n the
37 d"stance
3& I fo#nd a park
39 slept all n"ght
( and then they fo#nd me and p#t me "n a cell
1 and they asked me a!o#t m#rders and
2 ro!!er"es,
3 they wanted to get a lot of st#ff off the !ooks
to pro*e the"r eff"c"ency
5 !#t I wasn%t that t"red
$ and they dro*e me to the ne)t !"g town
7 f"fty-se*en m"les away
& the !"g one k"cked me "n the ass
9 and they dro*e off,
5( !#t I l#cked "t-
51 two weeks later I was s"tt"ng "n the off"ce of the c"ty hall
52 half-asleep "n the s#n l"ke the !"g fly on my el!ow
53 and now and then she took me down to a meet"ng of the co#nc"l
5 and I l"stened *ery gra*ely as "f I knew what was happen"ng
55 as "f I knew how the f#nds of a halfass town were !e"ng
5$ d"smantled,
57 later I went to !ed and woke #p w"th teethmarks all o*er
5& me, and I sa"d, 8hr"st, watch "t, !a!y> yo# m"ght g"*e me
59 cancer> and I%m rewr"t"ng the h"story of the 8r"mean Bar>
$( and they all came to her ho#se---
$1 all the cow!oys, all the cow!oys-
$2 fat, d#ll and co*ered w"th d#st,
$3 and we all shook hands,
$ I had on a pa"r of old !l#e'eans, and they sa"d
$5 oh, yo#%re a wr"ter, eh.
$$ and I sa"d- well, some th"nk so,
$7 and some st"ll th"nk so ,,,
$& others, of co#rse, ha*en%t @#"te w"sed #p yet,
$9 two weeks later they
7( ran me o#t
71 of town,
he ,urai)s are wa%i)! a)" 'eo'le walk hrou!h he a$er)oo)
here a)" i) Berli) a)" i) New 9ork Ci# a)" i) Me1i,o
1 I wa"t on l"fe l"ke a pregnancy, p#t the stethoscope to
2 the g#t
3 !#t all I hear now "s
the p"ano slamm"ng "ts teeth thro#gh areas of my
5 !ra"n
$ (some!ody "n th"s ne"gh!orhood l"kes
7 0ershw"n wh"ch "s too !ad
& for
9 me)
1( and the woman s"ts !eh"nd me
11 s"ts there s"ts there
12 and keeps l"ght"ng c"garettes
13 and now the n#rses lea*e the hosp"tal near here
1 and they wear dresses that are naked "n the s#n
15 to cheer the dead and the dy"ng and the doctors
1$ !#t "t does not help
17 me
1& "f I co#ld r"p them w"th moans of del"ght "t
19 wo#ld ne"ther add or take away
2( anyth"ng
21 now now
22 a horn !lows a t"red
23 s#mmer l"ke a glad"ola g"*en #p and lean"ng aga"nst a
2 ho#se and
25 the !ottles we ha*e empt"ed wo#ld strangle the
2$ sens"!"l"t"es ,,, of 0od
27 now I look #p and see my face "n the m"rror-
2& "f I co#ld only k"ll the man who k"lled the
29 man
3( more than coffeepots and cheroots ha*e done me
31 "n more than myself has done me
32 "n
33 madness comes l"ke a mo#se o#t of the c#p!oard and
3 they hand me a photograph of the
35 moon
3$ the woman !eh"nd me has a da#ghter who falls "n lo*e
37 w"th men "n !eards and sandals and !erets
3& who smoke p"pes and caref#lly com! the"r ha"r and
39 play chess and talk cont"n#ally of the
( so#l and of 1rt
1 th"s "s good eno#gh- yo#%*e got to lo*e
2 someth"ng
3 now the landlord waters o#ts"de dr"pp"ng the
plants w"th false ra"n
5 0ershw"n "s f"n"shed now "t so#nds l"ke
$ 0re"g
7 o, "t%s all so common and hard> "mposs"!le>
& I do w"sh some!ody wo#ld go !lack!erry
9 w"ld
5( !#t no
51 I s#ppose "t w"ll !e the
52 same- a !eer and then another
53 !eer and then another
5 !eer
55 may!e then a halfp"nt of
5$ scotch
57 three c"gars---smoke smoke yes smoke
5& #nder the electr"c s#n of n"ght
59 h"dden here "n these walls w"th th"s woman and her
$( l"fe wh"le
$1 the pol"ce are tak"ng the dr#nks off the
$2 streets
$3 I do not know how m#ch longer I can
$ last
$5 !#t I keep th"nk"ng
$$ ow> my god>
$7 the
$& glad"ola w"ll stra"ghten hard and
$9 f#ll of
7( color l"ke an
71 arrow po"nt"ng at the
72 s#n
73 8hr"st w"ll sh#dder l"ke
7 marmalade
75 my cat w"ll look l"ke 0andh" once
7$ looked
77 e*eryth"ng e*eryth"ng
7& e*en the t"les "n the men%s room at the
79 In"on /tat"on w"ll !e
&( tr#e
&1 all those m"rrors there
&2 f"nally w"th faces "n them
&3 roses
& forests
&5 no more pol"cemen
&$ no more
&7 me
$or he &er,#8&o)!ers
1 "t "s '#st"f"ed
2 all dy"ng "s '#st"f"ed
3 all k"ll"ng all death all
pass"ng,
5 noth"ng "s "n *a"n
$ not e*en the neck
7 of a fly,
& and a flower
9 passes thro#gh the arm"es
1( and l"ke a small !oy
11 !ragg"ng,
12 l"fts #p "ts
13 color,
I9
4#rn"ng In Bater Arown"ng In =lame
6oems 1972-1973
Dp"graph
"f yo# th"nk I ha*e gone cra+y
try p"ck"ng a flower from the garden of yo#r
ne"gh!or
)ow
1 I had !o"ls the s"+e of tomatoes
2 all o*er me
3 they st#ck a dr"ll "nto me
down at the co#nty hosp"tal,
5 and
$ '#st as the s#n went down
7 e*eryday
& there was a man "n a near!y ward
9 he%d start holler"ng for h"s fr"end Goe,
1( G7D> he%d holler, 72 G7D> G7D> G 7 D >
11 873D 0D; 3D, G7D>
12 Goe ne*er came !y,
13 I%*e ne*er heard s#ch mo#rnf#l
1 so#nds,
15 Goe was pro!a!ly work"ng off a
1$ p"ece of ass or
17 attempt"ng to sol*e a crossword p#++le,
1& I%*e always sa"d
19 "f yo# want to f"nd o#t who yo#r fr"ends are
2( go to a madho#se or
21 'a"l,
22 and "f yo# want to f"nd o#t where lo*e "s not
23 !e a perpet#al
2 loser,
25 I was *ery l#cky w"th my !o"ls
2$ !e"ng dr"lled and tort#red
27 aga"nst the !ackdrop of the /"erra 3adre mo#nta"ns
2& wh"le that s#n went down;
29 when that s#n went down I knew what I wo#ld do
3( when I f"nally got that dr"ll "n my hands
31 l"ke I ha*e "t
32 now,
he rash &e)
1 here they come
2 these g#ys
3 grey tr#ck
rad"o play"ng
5 they are "n a h#rry
$ "t%s @#"te e)c"t"ng-
7 sh"rt open
& !ell"es hang"ng o#t
9 they r#n o#t the trash !"ns
1( roll them o#t to the fork l"ft
11 and then the tr#ck gr"nds "t #pward
12 w"th far too m#ch so#nd ,,,
13 they had to f"ll o#t appl"cat"on forms
1 to get these 'o!s
15 they are pay"ng for homes and
1$ dr"*e late model cars
17 they get dr#nk on /at#rday n"ght
1& now "n the Eos 1ngeles s#nsh"ne
19 they r#n !ack and forth w"th the"r trash !"ns
2( all that trash goes somewhere
21 and they sho#t to each other
22 then they are all #p "n the tr#ck
23 dr"*"ng west toward the sea
2 none of them know
25 that I am al"*e
2$ :DJ AI/67/1E 87
2oo
1 the elephants are caked w"th m#d and t"red
2 and the rh"nos don%t mo*e
3 the +e!ras are st#p"d dead stems
and the l"ons don%t roar
5 the l"ons don%t care
$ the *#lt#res are o*erfed
7 the crocod"les don%t mo*e
& and there was a strange type of monkey,
9 I forget the name,
1( he was on a shelf #p there, th"s male,
11 he topped the female and worked one off,
12 f"n"shed,
13 fell on h"s !ack and gr"nned,
1 and I sa"d to my g"rlfr"end,
15 let%s go, at last someth"ng%s happened,
1$ !ack at my place we talked a!o#t "t,
17 the +oo "s a *ery sad place, I sa"d,
1& tak"ng my clothes off,
19 only those 2 monkeys seemed happy, she sa"d,
2( gett"ng o#t of her
21 clothes,
22 d"d yo# see that look on the male monkey%s face.
23 I asked,
2 yo# look '#st l"ke that afterwards, she
25 sa"d,
2$ later "n the m"rror I saw
27 a strange type of monkey, and
2& wondered a!o#t the g"raffes and the
29 rh"nos, and the elephants, espec"ally the
3( elephants,
31 we%ll ha*e to go to the +oo
32 aga"n,
t*
1 I went to th"s place to see a mo*"e
2 on t*
3 1le)ander the 0reat,
and here come the arm"es
5 ta ta ta
$ horses, spears, kn"*es, swords, sh"elds,
7 men fall"ng ,,,
& then t#rn to a roller der!y---
9 here%s a g"rl strangl"ng another,
1( then !ack to 1le)ander---
11 a g#y '#mps o#t and assass"nates 1le)%s father,
12 1le) k"lls the g#y, 1le) "s k"ng,
13 !ack to the roller der!y---
1 a man "s down across the track and another man rams h"s head
15 w"th h"s skates---
1$ and here come the arm"es
17 they appear to !e f"ght"ng "n a ca*e, there%s smoke and
1& flame, swords,
19 men fall"ng---
2( the ;h#nder!"rds are !eh"nd,
21 one g"rl d"*es #nder another g"rl%s ass,
22 throws her "nto the ra"l---
23 1le)ander stands there l"sten"ng to a g#y who "s hold"ng
2 a glass of w"ne "n h"s hand, and th"s !oy "s really tell"ng
25 1le) wherehow, yo# know, and he t#rns h"s !ack to walk away
2$ and 1le) spears h"m---
27 the ;h#nder!"rds are !eh"nd, they send o#t
2& 4"g Gohn---
29 ta ta ta, here come the arm"es
3( they are splash"ng thro#gh water
31 thro#gh forests, they are go"ng to get "t
32 all
33 ta ta ta---
3 4"g Gohn d"dn%t make "t,
35 the g"rls are o#t aga"n now---
3$ 1le)ander "s dy"ng
37 1le)ander the 0reat "s dy"ng
3& and they pass !y h"s pallet "n the open
39 he "s dressed "n fancy !lack gar! and looks l"ke
( :"chard 4#rton
1 the !oys ha*e the"r helmets off as they pass
2 and there%s 1le)%s lo*e !y the pallet, and then
3 1le) !eg"ns to go, some men r#sh #p,
one asks, 1le), who do yo# t#rn the r#le o*er to.
5 who w"ll r#le now.
$ they wa"t,
7 he says, the strongest, and he d"es
& we are shown the clo#ds, the hea*ens,
9 way #p there, and---
5( the ;h#nder!"rds p#ll "t o#t
51 "n the last 12 seconds, they w"n "t
52 112 to 11(,
53 the crowd "s cons#med w"th Goy,
5 merc#ry !leeds "nto the l"ght,
55 good n"ght, sweet pr"nce,
5$ ha"l 3ary,
57 Ges#s 8hr"st, what a
5& n"ght,
los
1 no
2 we can%t we can%t w"n "t
3 I%*e dec"ded we can%t w"n "t
'#st for a wh"le we tho#ght we co#ld
5 !#t that was '#st for a wh"le
$ now we know we can%t w"n "t
7 we can%t stand st"ll and w"n "t
& or r#n and w"n "t
9 or do r"ght and w"n "t
1( or do wrong and w"n "t
11 some!ody else "s go"ng to w"n "t
12 that%s why some!ody else "s there and
13 we are here
1 "t "s terr"!le to !e defeated
15 "n what seems to co#nt
1$ "t w"ll happen
17 to accept "t "s "mposs"!le
1& to know "t "s more "mportant
19 than do*es or sw"tch!rakes or
2( lo*e,
ho
1 she was hot, she was so hot
2 I d"dn%t want any!ody else to ha*e her,
3 and "f I d"dn%t get home on t"me
she%d !e gone, and I co#ldn%t !ear that---
5 I%d go mad ,,,
$ "t was fool"sh I know, ch"ld"sh,
7 !#t I was ca#ght "n "t, I was ca#ght,
& I del"*ered all the ma"l
9 and then 2enderson p#t me on the n"ght p"ck#p r#n
1( "n an old army tr#ck,
11 the damn th"ng !egan to heat halfway thro#gh the r#n
12 and the n"ght went on
13 me th"nk"ng a!o#t my hot 3"r"am
1 and '#mp"ng "n and o#t of the tr#ck
15 f"ll"ng ma"lsacks
1$ the eng"ne cont"n#"ng to heat #p
17 the temperat#re needle was at the top
1& 27; 27;
19 l"ke 3"r"am,
2( I leaped "n and o#t
21 3 more p"ck#ps and "nto the stat"on
22 I%d !e, my car
23 wa"t"ng to get me to 3"r"am who sat on my !l#e co#ch
2 w"th scotch on the rocks
25 cross"ng her legs and sw"ng"ng her ankles
2$ l"ke she d"d,
27 2 more stops ,,,
2& the tr#ck stalled at a traff"c l"ght, "t was hell
29 k"ck"ng "t o*er
3( aga"n ,,,
31 I had to !e home !y &, & was the deadl"ne for 3"r"am,
32 I made the last p"ck#p and the tr#ck stalled at a s"gnal
33 1K2 !lock from the stat"on ,,,
3 "t wo#ldn%t start, "t co#ldn%t start ,,,
35 I locked the doors, p#lled the key and ran down to the
3$ stat"on ,,,
37 I threw the keys down,,,, s"gned o#t ,,,
3& yo#r god damned tr#ck "s stalled at the s"gnal,
39 I sho#ted,
( 6"co and Bestern ,,,
1 ,,, I ran down the hall, p#t the key "nto the door,
2 opened "t,,,, her dr"nk"ng glass was there, and a note-
3 s#n of a !"tch-
I wated #nt"l 5 after ate
5 yo# don%t lo*e me
$ yo# s#n of a !"tch
7 some!ody w"ll lo*e me
& I !een wate"ng all day
9 3"r"am
5( I po#red a dr"nk and let the water r#n "nto the t#!
51 there were 5,((( !ars "n town
52 and I%d make 25 of them
53 look"ng for 3"r"am
5 her p#rple teddy !ear held the note
55 as he leaned aga"nst a p"llow
5$ I ga*e the !ear a dr"nk, myself a dr"nk
57 and got "nto the hot
5& water,
lo*e
1 lo*e, he sa"d, gas
2 k"ss me off
3 k"ss my l"ps
k"ss my ha"r
5 my f"ngers
$ my eyes my !ra"n
7 make me forget
& lo*e, he sa"d, gas
9 he had a room on the 3rd floor,
1( re'ected !y a do+en women
11 35 ed"tors
12 and half a do+en h"r"ng agenc"es,
13 now I%m not say"ng he was any
1 good
15 he t#rned on all the 'ets
1$ w"tho#t l"ght"ng them
17 and went to !ed
1& some ho#rs later a g#y on h"s
19 way to room 3(9
2( l"t a c"gar "n the
21 hall
22 and a sofa flew o#t the w"ndow
23 one wall sh"*ered down l"ke wet sand
2 a p#rple flame wa*ed ( feet h"gh "n the a"r
25 the g#y "n !ed
2$ d"dn%t know or care
27 !#t I%d ha*e to say
2& he was pretty good
29 that day,
+ur) a)" +ur) a)" +ur)
1 I #sed to know a d#tchman "n a 6h"lly !ar
2 he%d take 3 raw eggs "n h"s !eer,
3 71, st"ll
work"ng,
5 strong,
$ and there I sat down from h"m
7 or 5 !arstools away
& "n my 2(%s
9 fr"ghtened
1( s#"c"dal
11 #nlo*ed,
12 well, yo# know, sorrows !eget
13 sorrows
1 !#rn and !#rn and !#rn and !#rn,
15 then someth"ng else takes
1$ place,
17 I%m not say"ng "t%s as good
1& !#t "t%s certa"nly
19 more comforta!le,
2( and often n"ghts now
21 I th"nk of that old d#tchman---
22 I can look !ack on almost
23 a l"fet"me---
2 yet st"ll remem!er h"m there
25 my master, then and
2$ now,
he wa#
1 m#rdered "n the alleys of the land
2 frost-!"tten aga"nst flagpoles
3 pawned !y females
ed#cated "n the dark for the dark
5 *om"t"ng "nto pl#gged to"lets
$ "n rented rooms f#ll of roaches and m"ce
7 no wonder we seldom s"ng
& day or noon or n"ght
9 the #seless wars
1( the #seless years
11 the #seless lo*es
12 and they ask #s,
13 why do yo# dr"nk so m#ch.
1 well, I s#ppose the days were made
15 to !e wasted
1$ the years and the lo*es were made
17 to !e wasted,
1& we can%t cry, and "t helps to la#gh---
19 "t%s l"ke lett"ng o#t
2( dreams, "deals,
21 po"sons
22 don%t ask #s to s"ng,
23 la#gh"ng "s s"ng"ng to #s,
2 yo# see, "t was a terr"!le 'oke
25 8hr"st sho#ld ha*e la#ghed on the cross,
2$ "t wo#ld ha*e petr"f"ed h"s k"llers
27 now there are more k"llers than e*er
2& and I wr"te poems for them,
ou o$ he ar&s ***
1 o#t of the arms of one lo*e
2 and "nto the arms of another
3 I ha*e !een sa*ed from dy"ng on the cross
!y a lady who smokes pot
5 wr"tes songs and stor"es,
$ and "s m#ch k"nder than the last,
7 m#ch m#ch k"nder,
& and the se) "s '#st as good or !etter,
9 "t "sn%t pleasant to !e p#t on the cross and left there,
1( "t "s m#ch more pleasant to forget a lo*e wh"ch d"dn%t
11 work
12 as all lo*e
13 f"nally
1 doesn%t work ,,,
15 "t "s m#ch more pleasant to make lo*e
1$ along the shore "n Ael 3ar
17 "n room 2, and afterwards
1& s"tt"ng #p "n !ed
19 dr"nk"ng good w"ne, talk"ng and to#ch"ng
2( smok"ng
21 l"sten"ng to the wa*es ,,,
22 I ha*e d"ed too many t"mes
23 !el"e*"ng and wa"t"ng, wa"t"ng
2 "n a room
25 star"ng at a cracked ce"l"ng
2$ wa"t"ng for the phone, a letter, a knock, a so#nd ,,,
27 go"ng w"ld "ns"de
2& wh"le she danced w"th strangers "n n"ghtcl#!s ,,,
29 o#t of the arms of one lo*e
3( and "nto the arms of another
31 "t%s not pleasant to d"e on the cross,
32 "t%s m#ch more pleasant to hear yo#r name wh"spered "n
33 the dark,
"eah o$ a) i"io
1 he spoke to m"ce and sparrows
2 and h"s ha"r was wh"te at the age of 1$,
3 h"s father !eat h"m e*ery day and h"s mother
l"t candles "n the ch#rch,
5 h"s grandmother came wh"le the !oy slept
$ and prayed for the de*"l to let loose h"s hold #pon
7 h"m
& wh"le h"s mother l"stened and cr"ed o*er the
9 !"!le,
1( he d"dn%t seem to not"ce yo#ng g"rls
11 he d"dn%t seem to not"ce the games !oys played
12 there wasn%t m#ch he seemed to not"ce
13 he '#st d"dn%t seem "nterested,
1 he had a *ery large, #gly mo#th and the teeth
15 st#ck o#t
1$ and h"s eyes were small and l#sterless,
17 h"s sho#lders were sl#mped and h"s !ack was !ent
1& l"ke an old man%s,
19 he l"*ed "n o#r ne"gh!orhood,
2( we talked a!o#t h"m when we got !ored and then
21 went on to more "nterest"ng th"ngs,
22 he seldom left h"s ho#se, we wo#ld ha*e l"ked to
23 tort#re h"m
2 !#t h"s father
25 who was a h#ge and terr"!le man
2$ tort#red h"m for
27 #s,
2& one day the !oy d"ed, at 17 he was st"ll a
29 !oy, a death "n a small ne"gh!orhood "s noted w"th
3( alacr"ty, and then forgotten 3 or days
31 later,
32 !#t the death of th"s !oy seemed to stay w"th #s
33 all, we kept talk"ng a!o#t "t
3 "n o#r !oy-men%s *o"ces
35 at $ p,m, '#st !efore dark
3$ '#st !efore d"nner,
37 and whene*er I dr"*e thro#gh that ne"gh!orhood now
3& decades later
39 I st"ll th"nk of h"s death
( wh"le ha*"ng forgotten all the other deaths
1 and e*eryth"ng else that happened
2 then,
o)aliies
1 the sold"ers march w"tho#t g#ns
2 the gra*es are empty
3 peacocks gl"de "n the ra"n
down sta"rways march great men sm"l"ng
5 there "s food eno#gh and rent eno#gh and
$ t"me eno#gh
7 o#r women w"ll not grow old
& I w"ll not grow old
9 !#ms wear d"amonds on the"r f"ngers
1( 2"tler shakes hands w"th a Gew
11 the sky smells of roasted flesh
12 I am a !#rn"ng c#rta"n
13 I am steam"ng water
1 I am a snake I am an edge of glass that c#ts
15 I am !lood
1$ I am th"s f"ery sna"l
17 crawl"ng home,
he#3 "oll#
1 she left me 5 weeks ago and went to Itah,
2 that "s, I th"nk she left,
3 the other day I went o#t to ma"l her a letter
and I saw her s"tt"ng on the !#s stop !ench,
5 "t was her ha"r there
$ from !eh"nd
7 and all the po#nd"ng started "n me aga"n
& I walked #p @#"ckly and looked at the face---
9 "t was some!ody else, freckles, p#gnose, greeneyes,
1( noth"ng, noth"ng,
11 then I was on Bestern 1*en#e go"ng from !ar to !ar
12 and I saw her "n front of me aga"n,
13 I saw those t"ght pants, I knew that ass,
1 and there was the ha"r aga"n,
15 and the way she walked,
1$ I walked faster to catch her,
17 I got e*en w"th her and saw her face---
1& an Ind"an%s nose, !l#e eyes, a mo#th l"ke a frog---
19 noth"ng, noth"ng, noth"ng,
2( then there was a g"rl "n a !ar play"ng p"ano,
21 "t wasn%t her !#t when the ha"r fell "n a certa"n way,
22 for a moment, "t was, and the ha"r was the same length
23 and the l"ps were s"m"lar !#t not the same, and
2 she saw me look"ng wh"le she was s"ng"ng, I was dr#nk,
25 of co#rse, "t helped the del#s"on, and she
2$ sa"d, "s there anyth"ng spec"al yo# want to hear.
27 Aolly, I sa"d, and she sang---
2& 2ey, Aolly ,,,
29 '#st now I looked #p and she was across the street,
3( she walked o#t of the apartment across the street
31 w"th a yo#ng !lond man and she stood there "n s#n glasses,
32 and I tho#ght, what%s she do"ng across the street "n
33 s#n glasses, and she sm"led at me thro#gh the w"ndow
3 !#t she d"dn%t wa*e and then she got "n the car w"th the
35 yo#ng man, "t was a new car, small and red, e)pens"*e,
3$ and they dro*e away toward the west, I%m s#re "t was
37 her, th"s t"me,
a 'oorl# )i!h
1 yo# came o#t, she sa"d,
2 and then yo# k"cked th"s g#y%s car
3 and then yo# threw yo#rself "nto a !#sh
yo# cr#shed the whole
5 !#sh,
$ I don%t know what yo#r agony "s all
7 a!o#t
& !#t don%t yo# th"nk yo# sho#ld see a shr"nk.
9 I%*e got an awf#l good shr"nk, yo#%d
1( l"ke h"m,
11 answer me, she sa"d,
12 I get worr"ed a!o#t the pol"ce when yo#
13 act l"ke that, I%m *ery parano"d a!o#t the
1 pol"ce,
15 answer me, she sa"d, why do yo#
1$ act l"ke that.
17 l"sten, she sa"d, do yo# want me to
1& lea*e.
19 after she left I p"cked #p a cha"r and
2( threw "t o#t the w"ndow, there was m#ch
21 glass and the screen was !roken
22 too,
23 how many dead !easts float and walk from Bales to
2 Eos 1ngeles.
looki)! $or a 7o+
1 "t was 6h"lly and the !artender sa"d
2 what and I sa"d, g"mme a draft, G"m,
3 got to get the ner*es stra"ght, I%m
go"ng to look for a 'o!, yo#, he sa"d,
5 a 'o!.
$ yeah, G"m, I saw someth"ng "n the paper,
7 no e)per"ence necessary,
& and he sa"d, hell, yo# don%t want a 'o!,
9 and I sa"d, hell no, !#t I need money,
1( and I f"n"shed the !eer
11 and got on the !#s and I watched the n#m!ers
12 and soon the n#m!ers got closer
13 and then I was r"ght there
1 and I p#lled the cord and the !#s stopped and
15 I got off,
1$ "t was a large !#"ld"ng made of t"n
17 the sl"d"ng door was st#ck "n the d"rt
1& I p#lled "t !ack and went "n
19 and there wasn%t any floor, '#st more gro#nd,
2( l#mpy, wet, and "t stank
21 and there were so#nds l"ke th"ngs !e"ng sawed "n half
22 and th"ngs dr"lled and "t was dark
23 and men walked on g"rders o*erhead
2 and men p#shed tr#cks across the gro#nd
25 and men sat at mach"nes do"ng th"ngs
2$ and there were shots of l"ghtn"ng and th#nder
27 and s#ddenly a !#cket f#ll of flame came sw"ng"ng at
2& my head, "t roared and !o"led w"th flame
29 "t h#ng from a loose cha"n and "t came r"ght at me
3( and some!ody hollered, 2DH, E77C 7I;>
31 and I '#st d#cked #nder the !#cket
32 feel"ng the heat go o*er me,
33 and some!ody asked,
3 B21; A7 H7I B1<;.
35 and I sa"d, B2D:D I/ H7I: <D1:D/; 8:166D:.
3$ and I was told
37 and I went "ns"de
3& then came o#t and saw s"lho#ettes of men
39 mo*"ng thro#gh flame and so#nd and
( I walked to the door, got o#ts"de, and
1 took the !#s !ack to the !ar and sat down
2 and ordered another draft, and G"m asked,
3 what happened. I sa"d, they d"dn%t want me, G"m,
then th"s whore came "n and sat down and e*ery!ody
5 looked at her, she looked f"ne, and I remem!er "t
$ was the f"rst t"me "n my l"fe I almost w"shed I had a
7 *ag"na and cl"t "nstead of what I had, !#t "n 2 or 3 days
& I got o*er that and I was read"ng the
9 want ads aga"n,
he : ,ou)
1 th"s one
2 always arr"*es at the wrong t"me
3 a !as"cally good sort
I s#ppose
5 an honest man
$ !#t he doesn%t take the & co#nt
7 well
& we%re all !eaten
9 !#t somehow
1( "t%s the manner "n wh"ch he takes the co#nt
11 after a *"s"t from h"m
12 I am s"ckened for 3 or days
13 I g"*e h"m !oard and shelter and somet"mes
1 money
15 !#t how he snarls and !"tches
1$ s#ck"ng at my cans of !eer
17 "f he e)pects del"*erance "n ret#rn for what he g"*es
1& he "sn%t go"ng to get del"*erance
19 !eca#se he doesn%t g"*e anyth"ng
2( no l"ght
21 no lo*e
22 no la#ghter no learn"ng
23 noth"ng to
2 remem!er
25 the way of th"s one s"ckens me
2$ he !r"ngs me sorrow when I ha*e sorrow
27 he !r"ngs me madness when I ha*e madness
2& I am a self"sh man
29 o*er h"s last sweaty handshake
3( I told h"m I co#ld carry h"m no longer
31 now when my so#l has to p#ke
32 "t w"ll p#ke of "ts own
33 *ol"t"on
3 and not from a
35 knock #pon the
3$ door,
"o!$i!h
1 he%s a r#nt
2 he snarls and scratches
3 chases cars
groans "n h"s sleep
5 and has a perfect star a!o*e each eye!row
$ we hear "t o#ts"de-
7 he%s r"pp"ng the sh"t o#t of someth"ng o#t there
& 5 t"mes h"s
9 s"+e
1( "t%s the professor%s dog from across the street
11 that ed#cated e)pens"*e !l#e!ook dog
12 o, we%re all "n tro#!le
13 I p#ll them apart
1 and we r#n "ns"de w"th the r#nt
15 !olt the door
1$ fl"ck o#t the l"ghts
17 and see them cross"ng the street
1& "mmac#late and concerned
19 "t looks l"ke 7 or & people
2( com"ng to get the"r
21 dog
22 that !"g !ag of 'elly w"th ha"r
23 he o#ght to know !etter than to cross
2 the ra"lroad tracks,
leers
1 she s"ts on the floor
2 go"ng thro#gh a card!oard !o)
3 read"ng me lo*e letters I ha*e wr"tten her
wh"le her year old da#ghter l"es on the floor
5 wrapped "n a p"nk !lanket and
$ three-@#arters asleep
7 we ha*e gotten together after a spl"t
& I s"t "n her ho#se on a
9 /#nday n"ght
1( the cars go #p and down the h"ll o#ts"de
11 when we sleep together ton"ght
12 we w"ll hear the cr"ckets
13 where are the fools who don%t l"*e as
1 well as I.
15 I lo*e her walls
1$ I lo*e her ch"ldren
17 I lo*e her dog
1& we w"ll l"sten to the cr"ckets
19 my arm c#rled a!o#t her h"p
2( my f"ngers aga"nst her !elly
21 one n"ght l"ke th"s !eats l"fe,
22 the o*erflow takes care of death
23 I l"ke my lo*e letters
2 they are tr#e
25 ah, she has s#ch a !ea#t"f#l ass>
2$ ah, she has s#ch a !ea#t"f#l so#l>
#es #es
1 when 0od created lo*e 2e d"dn%t help most
2 when 0od created dogs 2e d"dn%t help dogs
3 when 0od created plants that was a*erage
when 0od created hate we had a standard #t"l"ty
5 when 0od created me 2e created me
$ when 0od created the monkey 2e was asleep
7 when 2e created the g"raffe 2e was dr#nk
& when 2e created narcot"cs 2e was h"gh
9 and when 2e created s#"c"de 2e was low
1( when 2e created yo# ly"ng "n !ed
11 2e knew what 2e was do"ng
12 2e was dr#nk and 2e was h"gh
13 and 2e created the mo#nta"ns and the sea and f"re
1 at the same t"me
15 2e made some m"stakes
1$ !#t when 2e created yo# ly"ng "n !ed
17 2e came all o*er 2"s 4lessed In"*erse,
e""ie a)" e%e
1 yo# know
2 I sat on the same !arstool "n 6h"ladelph"a for
3 5 years
I drank canned heat and the cheapest w"ne
5 I was !eaten "n alleys !y well-fed tr#ck dr"*ers
$ for the am#sement of the
7 lad"es and gentlemen of the n"ght
& I won%t tell yo# of my l"fe as a ch"ld
9 "t%s too s"cken"ng
1( #nreal
11 !#t what I mean
12 I f"nally went to see my fr"end Ddd"e
13 after 3( years
1 he was st"ll "n the same ho#se
15 w"th the same w"fe
1$ yo# g#essed "t-
17 he looked worse than I d"d
1& he co#ldn%t get o#t of h"s cha"r
19 a cane
2( arthr"t"s
21 what ha"r he had was
22 wh"te
23 my god, Ddd"e, I sa"d,
2 I know, he sa"d, I%*e had "t, I
25 can%t !reathe,
2$ then h"s w"fe came o#t, the once sl"m
27 D*e I #sed to fl"rt w"th,
2& 21( po#nds
29 s@#"nt"ng at me,
3( my god, D*e, I sa"d,
31 I know, she sa"d,
32 we got dr#nk together, "t was se*eral ho#rs later
33 Ddd"e sa"d to me,
3 take her to !ed, do her some good,
35 I can%t do her any good any
3$ more,
37 D*e g"ggled,
3& I can%t Ddd"e, I sa"d, yo#%re my
39 !#ddy,
( we drank some more,
1 endless @#arts of
2 !eer,
3 Ddd"e !egan to *om"t,
D*e !ro#ght h"m a d"shpan
5 and he *om"ted "nto the
$ d"shpan
7 tell"ng me !etween spasms
& that we were men
9 real men
5( we knew what "t was all a!o#t
51 !y god
52 these yo#ng p#nks
53 d"dn%t ha*e "t,
5 we carr"ed h"m to !ed
55 #ndressed h"m
5$ and he was soon o#t,
57 snor"ng,
5& I sa"d good!ye to D*e,
59 I got o#t and got "nto my car
$( and sat there star"ng at the ho#se,
$1 then I dro*e off,
$2 "t was all I had left to do,
he $isher&a)
1 he comes o#t at 7-3( a,m, e*ery day
2 w"th 3 pean#t !#tter sandw"ches, and
3 there%s one can of !eer
wh"ch he floats "n the !a"t!#cket,
5 he f"shes for ho#rs w"th a small tro#t pole
$ three-@#arters of the way down the p"er,
7 he%s 75 years old and the s#n doesn%t tan h"m,
& and no matter how hot "t gets
9 the !rown and green l#m!er'ack stays on,
1( he catches starf"sh, !a!y sharks, and mackerel;
11 he catches them !y the do+en,
12 speaks to no!ody,
13 somet"me d#r"ng the day
1 he dr"nks h"s can of !eer,
15 at $ p,m, he gathers h"s gear and h"s catch
1$ walks down the p"er
17 across se*eral streets
1& where he enters a small /anta 3on"ca apartment
19 goes to the !edroom and opens the e*en"ng paper
2( as h"s w"fe throws the starf"sh, the sharks, the mackerel
21 "nto the gar!age
22 he l"ghts h"s p"pe
23 and wa"ts for d"nner,
war& asses
1 th"s =r"day n"ght
2 the 3e)"can g"rls at the 8athol"c carn"*al
3 look espec"ally good
the"r h#s!ands are "n the !ars
5 and the 3e)"can g"rls look yo#ng
$ hawk-nosed w"th cr#el strong eyes,
7 asses warm "n t"ght !l#e'eans
& they ha*e !een taken somehow,
9 the"r h#s!ands are t"red of those warm asses
1( and the yo#ng 3e)"can g"rls walk w"th the"r ch"ldren,
11 there "s real sorrow "n the"r cr#el strong eyes,
12 as they remem!er n"ghts when the"r handsome men---
13 not now any longer handsome---
1 sa"d s#ch !ea#t"f#l th"ngs to them
15 !ea#t"f#l th"ngs they w"ll ne*er hear aga"n,
1$ and #nder the moon and "n the flash"ng of the
17 carn"*al l"ghts
1& I see "t all and I stand @#"etly and mo#rn for them,
19 they see me look"ng---
2( the old goat "s look"ng at #s
21 he%s look"ng at o#r eyes;
22 they sm"le at each other, talk, walk off together,
23 la#gh, look at me o*er the"r sho#lders,
2 I walk o*er to a !ooth
25 p#t a d"me on n#m!er ele*en and w"n a chocolate cake
2$ w"th 13 colored s#ckers st#ck "n the
27 top,
2& that%s fa"r eno#gh for an e)-8athol"c
29 and an adm"rer of warm and yo#ng and
3( no-longer #sed
31 mo#rnf#l 3e)"can asses
wha5s he use o$ a ile;
1 they don%t make "t
2 the !ea#t"f#l d"e "n flame---
3 s#"c"de p"lls, rat po"son, rope, what-
e*er ,,,
5 they r"p the"r arms off,
$ throw themsel*es o#t of w"ndows,
7 they p#ll the"r eyes from the sockets,
& re'ect lo*e
9 re'ect hate
1( re'ect, re'ect,
11 they don%t make "t
12 the !ea#t"f#l can%t end#re,
13 they are the !#tterfl"es
1 they are the do*es
15 they are the sparrows,
1$ they don%t make "t,
17 one tall shot of flame
1& wh"le the old men play checkers "n the park
19 one flame, one good flame
2( wh"le the old men play checkers "n the park
21 "n the s#n,
22 the !ea#t"f#l are fo#nd at the edge of a room
23 cr#mpled "nto sp"ders and needles and s"lence
2 and we can ne*er #nderstand why they
25 left, they were so
2$ !ea#t"f#l,
27 they don%t make "t,
2& the !ea#t"f#l d"e yo#ng
29 and lea*e the #gly to the"r #gly l"*es,
3( lo*ely and !r"ll"ant- l"fe and s#"c"de and death
31 as the old men play checkers "n the s#n
32 "n the park,
he i!ress
1 terr"!le arg#ments,
2 and, at last, ly"ng peacef#lly
3 on her large !ed
wh"ch "s
5 spread "n red w"th cool patterns of flowers,
$ my head and !elly down
7 head s"deways
& sprayed !y shaded l"ght
9 as she !athes @#"etly "n the
1( other room,
11 "t "s all !eyond me,
12 as most th"ngs are,
13 I l"sten to class"cal m#s"c on the small rad"o,
1 she !athes, I hear the splash"ng of water,
he ,a,h
1 cr#d, he sa"d,
2 ha#l"ng "t o#t of the water,
3 what "s "t.
a 2ollow-4ack G#ne Bhale, I sa"d,
5 no, sa"d a g#y stand"ng !y #s on the p"er,
$ "t%s a 4"llow-B"nd /and-0roper,
7 a g#y walk"ng !y sa"d,
& "t%s a =andango Dscadr"lle w"tho#t str"pes,
9 we took the hook o#t and the th"ng stood #p and
1( farted, "t was grey and co*ered w"th ha"r
11 and fat and "t stank l"ke old socks,
12 "t !egan to walk down the p"er and we followed "t,
13 "t ate a hot dog and !#n r"ght o#t of the hands of
1 a l"ttle g"rl, then "t leaped on the merry-go-ro#nd
15 and rode a p"nto, "t fell off near the end and
1$ rolled "n the sawd#st,
17 we p"cked "t #p,
1& grop, "t sa"d, grop,
19 then "t walked !ack o#t on the p"er,
2( a large crowd followed #s as we walked along,
21 "t%s a p#!l"c"ty st#nt, sa"d some!ody,
22 "t%s a man "n a r#!!er s#"t,
23 then as "t was walk"ng along "t !egan to !reathe
2 *ery hea*"ly, "t fell on "ts
25 !ack and !egan to thrash,
2$ some!ody po#red a c#p of !eer o*er "ts head,
27 grop, "t went, grop,
2& then "t was dead,
29 we rolled "t to the edge of the p"er and p#shed "t
3( !ack "nto the water, we watched "t s"nk and *an"sh,
31 "t was a 2ollow-4ack G#ne Bhale, I sa"d,
32 no, sa"d the other g#y, "t was a 4"llow-B"nd /and-0roper,
33 no, sa"d the other e)pert, "t was a =andango Dscadr"lle
3 w"tho#t str"pes,
35 then we all went o#r way on a m"d-afternoon "n 1#g#st,
wa1 7o+
1 man, he sa"d, s"tt"ng on the steps
2 yo#r car s#re needs a wash and wa) 'o!
3 I can do "t for yo# for 5 !#cks,
I got the wa), I got the rags, I got e*eryth"ng
5 I need,
$ I ga*e h"m the 5 and went #psta"rs,
7 when I came down ho#rs later
& he was s"tt"ng on the steps dr#nk
9 and offered me a can of !eer,
1( he sa"d he%d get the car the ne)t
11 day,
12 the ne)t day he got dr#nk aga"n and
13 I loaned h"m a dollar for a !ottle of
1 w"ne, h"s name was 3"ke
15 a world war II *eteran,
1$ h"s w"fe worked as a n#rse,
17 the ne)t day I came down and he was s"tt"ng
1& on the steps and he sa"d,
19 yo# know, I !een s"tt"ng here look"ng at yo#r car,
2( wonder"ng '#st how I was gonna do "t,
21 I wanna do "t real good,
22 the ne)t day 3"ke sa"d "t looked l"ke ra"n
23 and "t s#re as hell wo#ldn%t make any sense
2 to wash and wa) a car when "t was gonna ra"n,
25 the ne)t day "t looked l"ke ra"n aga"n,
2$ and the ne)t,
27 then I d"dn%t see h"m anymore,
2& a week later I saw h"s w"fe and she sa"d,
29 they took 3"ke to the hosp"tal,
3( he%s all swelled-#p, they say "t%s from the
31 dr"nk"ng,
32 l"sten, I told her, he sa"d he was go"ng to wa) my
33 car, I ga*e h"m 5 dollars to wa) my
3 car,
35 he%s "n the cr"t"cal ward, she sa"d,
3$ he m"ght d"e ,,,
37 I was s"tt"ng "n the"r k"tchen
3& dr"nk"ng w"th h"s w"fe
39 when the phone rang,
( she handed the phone to me,
1 "t was 3"ke, l"sten, he sa"d, come on down and
2 get me, I can%t stand th"s
3 place,
I dro*e on down there, walked "nto the
5 hosp"tal, walked #p to h"s !ed and
$ sa"d, let%s go 3"ke,
7 they wo#ldn%t g"*e h"m h"s clothes
& so 3"ke walked to the ele*ator "n h"s
9 gown,
5( we got on and there was a k"d dr"*"ng the
51 ele*ator and eat"ng a pops"cle,
52 no!ody%s allowed to lea*e here "n a gown,
53 he sa"d,
5 yo# '#st dr"*e th"s th"ng, k"d, I sa"d,
55 we%ll worry a!o#t the gown,
5$ 3"ke was all p#ffed-#p, tr"ple s"+e
57 !#t I got h"m "nto the car somehow
5& and ga*e h"m a c"garette,
59 I stopped at the l"@#or store for 2 s") packs
$( then went on "n, I drank w"th 3"ke and h"s w"fe #nt"l
$1 11 p,m,
$2 then went #psta"rs ,,,
$3 where%s 3"ke. I asked h"s w"fe 3 days later,
$ yo# know he sa"d he was go"ng to wa) my car,
$5 3"ke d"ed, she sa"d, he%s gone,
$$ yo# mean he d"ed. I asked,
$7 yes, he d"ed, she sa"d,
$& I%m sorry, I sa"d, I%m *ery sorry
$9 "t ra"ned for a week after that and I f"g#red the only
7( way I%d get the 5 !ack was to go to !ed w"th h"s w"fe
71 !#t yo# know
72 she mo*ed o#t 2 weeks later
73 an old g#y w"th wh"te ha"r mo*ed "n there
7 and he had one !l"nd eye and played the =rench 2orn,
75 there was no way I co#ld make "t w"th
7$ h"m,
so&e 'eo'le
1 some people ne*er go cra+y,
2 me, somet"mes I%ll l"e down !eh"nd the co#ch
3 for 3 or days,
they%ll f"nd me there,
5 "t%s 8her#!, they%ll say, and
$ they po#r w"ne down my throat
7 r#! my chest
& spr"nkle me w"th o"ls,
9 then, I%ll r"se w"th a roar,
1( rant, rage---
11 c#rse them and the #n"*erse
12 as I send them scatter"ng o*er the
13 lawn,
1 I%ll feel m#ch !etter,
15 s"t down to toast and eggs,
1$ h#m a l"ttle t#ne,
17 s#ddenly !ecome as lo*a!le as a
1& p"nk
19 o*erfed whale,
2( some people ne*er go cra+y,
21 what tr#ly horr"!le l"*es
22 they m#st lead,
$aher3 who ar i) hea%e)888
1 my father was a pract"cal man,
2 he had an "dea,
3 yo# see, my son, he sa"d,
I can pay for th"s ho#se "n my l"fet"me,
5 then "t%s m"ne,
$ when I d"e I pass "t on to yo#,
7 now "n yo#r l"fet"me yo# can ac@#"re a ho#se
& and then yo#%ll ha*e two ho#ses
9 and yo#%ll pass those two ho#ses on to yo#r
1( son, and "n h"s l"fet"me he ac@#"res a ho#se,
11 then when he d"es, h"s son---
12 I get "t, I sa"d,
13 my father d"ed wh"le try"ng to dr"nk a
1 glass of water, I !#r"ed h"m,
15 sol"d mahogany casket, after the f#neral
1$ I went to the racetrack, met a h"gh yellow,
17 after the races we went to her apartment
1& for d"nner and good"es,
19 I sold h"s ho#se after a!o#t a month,
2( I sold h"s car and h"s f#rn"t#re
21 and ga*e away all h"s pa"nt"ngs e)cept one
22 and all h"s fr#"t 'ars
23 (f"lled w"th fr#"t !o"led "n the heat of s#mmer)
2 and p#t h"s dog "n the po#nd,
25 I dated h"s g"rlfr"end tw"ce
2$ !#t gett"ng nowhere
27 I ga*e "t #p,
2& I gam!led and drank away the money,
29 now I l"*e "n a cheap front co#rt "n 2ollywood
3( and take o#t the gar!age to
31 hold down the rent,
32 my father was a pract"cal man,
33 he choked on that glass of water
3 and sa*ed on hosp"tal
35 !"lls,
)er%es
1 tw"tch"ng "n the sheets---
2 to face the s#nl"ght aga"n,
3 that%s clearly
tro#!le,
5 I l"ke the c"ty !etter when the
$ neon l"ghts are go"ng and
7 the n#d"es dance on top of the
& !ar
9 to the ma#l"ng m#s"c,
1( I%m #nder th"s sheet
11 th"nk"ng,
12 my ner*es are hampered !y
13 h"story---
1 the most memora!le concern of mank"nd
15 "s the g#ts "t takes to
1$ face the s#nl"ght aga"n,
17 lo*e !eg"ns at the meet"ng of two
1& strangers, lo*e for the world "s
19 "mposs"!le, I%d rather stay "n !ed
2( and sleep,
21 d"++"ed !y the days and the streets and the years
22 I p#ll the sheets to my neck,
23 I t#rn my ass to the wall,
2 I hate the morn"ngs more than
25 any man,
he re)5s hi!h oo
1 there are !easts "n the salt shaker
2 and a"rdromes "n the coffeepot,
3 my mother%s hand "s "n the !ag drawer
and from the !acks of spoons come
5 the cr"es of t"ny tort#red an"mals,
$ "n the closet stands a m#rdered man
7 wear"ng a new green neckt"e
& and #nder the floor,
9 there%s a s#ffocat"ng angel w"th flar"ng nostr"ls,
1( "t%s hard to l"*e here,
11 "t%s *ery hard to l"*e here,
12 at n"ght the shadows are #n!orn creat#res,
13 !eneath the !ed
1 sp"ders k"ll t"ny wh"te "deas,
15 the n"ghts are !ad
1$ the n"ghts are *ery !ad
17 I dr"nk myself to sleep
1& I ha*e to dr"nk myself to sleep,
19 "n the morn"ng
2( o*er !reakfast
21 I see them roll the dead down the street
22 (I ne*er read a!o#t th"s "n the newspapers),
23 and there are eagles e*erywhere
2 s"tt"ng on the roof, on the lawn, "ns"de my car,
25 the eagles are eyeless and smell of s#lph#r,
2$ "t "s *ery d"sco#rag"ng,
27 people *"s"t me
2& s"t "n cha"rs across from me
29 and I see them crawl"ng w"th *erm"n---
3( green and gold and yellow !#gs
31 they do not !r#sh away,
32 I ha*e !een l"*"ng here too long,
33 soon I m#st go to 7maha,
3 they say that e*eryth"ng "s 'ade there
35 and does not mo*e,
3$ they say yo# can st"tch des"gns "n the water
37 and sleep h"gh "n ol"*e trees,
3& I wonder "f th"s "s
39 tr#e.
( I can%t l"*e here m#ch longer,
lau!h lierar#
1 l"sten, man, don%t tell me a!o#t the poems yo#
2 sent, we d"dn%t rece"*e them,
3 we are *ery caref#l w"th man#scr"pts
we !ake them
5 !#rn them
$ la#gh at them
7 *om"t on them
& po#r !eer o*er them
9 !#t generally we ret#rn
1( them
11 they are
12 so
13 "nane,
1 ah, we !el"e*e "n 1rt,
15 we need "t
1$ s#rely,
17 !#t, yo# know, there are many people
1& (most people)
19 play"ng and forn"cat"ng w"th the
2( 1rts
21 who only crowd the stage
22 w"th the"r genero#s #nforg"*"ng
23 *"goro#s
2 med"ocr"ty,
25 o#r s#!scr"pt"on rates are ? a year,
2$ please read o#r maga+"ne !efore
27 s#!m"tt"ng,
"eah+e" +lues
1 "f yo# can%t stand the heat, he says, get o#t of the
2 k"tchen, yo# know who sa"d that.
3 2arry ;r#man,
I%m not "n the k"tchen, I say, I%m "n the
5 o*en,
$ my ed"tor "s a d"ff"c#lt man,
7 I somet"mes phone h"m "n moments of do#!t,
& look, he answers, yo#%ll !e l"ght"ng c"gars w"th ten dollar
9 !"lls, yo#%ll ha*e a redhead on one arm and a !londe
1( on the other,
11 other t"mes he%ll say, look, I th"nk I%m go"ng to h"re
12 9,C, as my assoc"ate ed"tor, we%*e got to pr#ne off
13 5 poets here somewhere, I%m go"ng to lea*e "t #p
1 to h"m, (9,C, "s a *ery "mag"nat"*e poet who !el"e*es I%*e
15 kn"fed h"m from <,H,8, to the shores of 2awa"",)
1$ look, k"d, I phone my ed"tor, can yo# speak 0erman.
17 no, he says,
1& well, anyhow, I say, I need some good new t"res, cheap,
19 so yo# know where I can get some good new t"res, cheap.
2( I%ll phone yo# "n 3( m"n#tes, he says, w"ll yo# !e "n
21 "n 3( m"n#tes.
22 I can%t afford to go anywhere, I say,
23 he says, they say yo# were dr#nk at that read"ng
2 "n 7regon,
25 #gly goss"ps, I answer,
2$ were yo#.
27 I don%t
2& remem!er,
29 one day he phones me-
3( yo#%re not h"tt"ng the !all anymore, yo# are h"tt"ng the
31 !ottle and f"ght"ng w"th all these
32 women, yo# know we got a good k"d on the !ench,
33 he%s ach"ng to get "n there
3 he h"ts from !oth s"des of the plate
35 he can catch anyth"ng that a"n%t h"t o*er the wall
3$ he%s coached !y A#ncan, 8reeley, Bakosk"
37 and he can rhyme, he knows
3& "mages, s"m"les, metaphors, f"g#res, conce"ts,
39 assonance, all"terat"on, metr"cs, yes
( metr"cs l"ke, yo# know---
1 "am!"c, trocha"c, anapest"c, sponda"c,
2 he knows caes#ra, denotat"on, connotat"on, person"f"cat"on,
3 d"ct"on, *o"ce, parado), rhetor"c, tone and
coalescence ,,,
5 holy sh"t, I say, hang #p and take a good h"t of
$ 7ld 0randad, 2arry%s st"ll al"*e
7 accord"ng to the papers, !#t I dec"de rather than
& gett"ng new t"res to get
9 a set of retreads "nstead,
,harles
1 92 years old
2 h"s tooth has !een !other"ng h"m
3 had to get "t f"lled
he lost h"s left eye ( years
5 ago
$ ---a !#tcher, he says, he '#st wanted to
7 operate to get the money, I fo#nd o#t
& later "t co#lda !een
9 sa*ed,
1( ---I take the eye o#t at n"ght, he says,
11 "t h#rts, they ne*er d"d get "t r"ght,
12 ---wh"ch eye "s "t, 8harles.
13 ---th"s one here, he po"nts,
1 then e)c#ses h"mself, he has to get #p and
15 go "nto the
1$ k"tchen, he%s !ak"ng cook"es "n the o*en,
17 he comes o#t soon w"th a
1& plate,
19 ---try some,
2( I do, they%re
21 good,
22 ---want some coffee. he asks,
23 ---no, thanks, 8harles, I ha*en%t !een sleep"ng
2 n"ghts,
25 he got marr"ed at 7( to a woman
2$ 5&, 22 years ago, she%s "n a rest home now,
27 ---she%s gett"ng !etter, he says, she recogn"+es me,
2& they let her get #p to go to the !athroom,
199F
29 ---that%s f"ne, 8harles,
3( ---I can%t stand her damned da#ghter, tho#gh, they th"nk
31 I%m after her money,
32 ---"s there anyth"ng I can do for yo#, 8harles. need
33 anyth"ng from the store, anyth"ng l"ke
3 that.
35 ---no, I '#st went shopp"ng th"s morn"ng,
3$ h"s !ack "s as stra"ght as the wall and he has the
37 t"n"est pot
3& !elly, as he talks he
39 keeps h"s one eye on the t* set,
( ---I%m go"ng now, 8harles, yo# got my phone n#m!er.
1 ---yeh,
2 ---how are the g"rls treat"ng yo#, 8harles.
3 ---my fr"end, I ha*en%t tho#ght a!o#t g"rls for some
years now,
5 ---goodn"ght, 8harles,
$ ---goodn"ght,
7 I go to the door
& open "t
9 close "t
5( o#ts"de
51 the smell of freshly-!aked cook"es
52 follows me,
o) he ,ir,ui
1 "t was #p "n /an =ranc"sco
2 after my poetry read"ng,
3 "t had !een a n"ce crowd
I had gotten my money
5 I had th"s place #psta"rs
$ there was some dr"nk"ng
7 and th"s g#y started !eat"ng #p on a fag
& I tr"ed to stop h"m
9 and the g#y !roke a w"ndow
1( del"!erately,
11 I told them all to
12 get o#t
13 and she started holler"ng down to the g#y
1 who had !eat on the fag
15 and he kept call"ng her name !ack #p
1$ and then I remem!ered she had *an"shed for an ho#r
17 !efore the read"ng,
1& she d"d those th"ngs,
19 may!e not !ad th"ngs
2( !#t cons"stently careless th"ngs
21 and I told her we were thro#gh
22 and to get o#t
23 and I went to !ed
2 then ho#rs later she walked "n
25 and I sa"d, what the hell are yo# do"ng here.
2$ she was all w"ld, ha"r down "n her face,
27 yo#%re too callo#s, I sa"d, I don%t want yo#,
2& "t was dark and she leaped at me-
29 I%ll k"ll yo#, I%ll k"ll yo#>
3( I was st"ll too dr#nk to defend myself
31 and she had me down on the k"tchen floor
32 and she clawed my face and
33 !"t a hole "n my arm,
3 then I went !ack to !ed and l"stened to her heels
35 go"ng down the h"ll,
&# $rie)"3 a)"re
1 th"s k"d #sed to teach at Cansas I,
2 then they mo*ed h"m o#t
3 he went to a !ean factory
then he and h"s w"fe mo*ed to the coast
5 she got a 'o! and worked wh"le
$ he looked for a 'o! as an actor,
7 I really want to !e an actor, he told me,
& that%s all I want to !e,
9 he came !y w"th h"s w"fe,
1( he came !y alone,
11 the streets aro#nd here are f#ll of g#ys who
12 want to !e actors,
13 I saw h"m yesterday,
1 he was roll"ng c"garettes,
15 I po#red h"m some wh"te w"ne,
1$ my w"fe "s gett"ng t"red of wa"t"ng, he sa"d,
17 I%m go"ng to teach karate,
1& h"s hands were swollen from h"tt"ng
19 !r"cks and walls and doors,
2( he told me a!o#t some of the great or"ental
21 f"ghters, there was one g#y so good
22 he co#ld t#rn h"s head 1&( degrees
23 to see who was !eh"nd h"m, that%s *ery hard to do,
2 he sa"d,
25 f#rther- "t%s more d"ff"c#lt to f"ght men properly placed
2$ than to f"ght many more, when yo# ha*e many more
27 they get "n each other%s way, and a good f"ghter who has
2& strength and ag"l"ty can do well,
29 some of the great f"ghters, he sa"d,
3( e*en s#ck the"r !alls #p "nto the"r !od"es,
31 th"s can !e done---to some e)tent---!eca#se there are
32 nat#ral ca*"t"es "n the !ody,,,, "f yo# stand #ps"dedown
33 yo# w"ll not"ce th"s,
3 I ga*e h"m a l"ttle more wh"te w"ne,
35 then he left,
3$ yo# know, somet"mes mak"ng "t w"th a typewr"ter
37 "sn%t so pa"nf#l
3& after all,
i was !la"
1 I was glad I had money "n the /a*"ngs and Eoan
2 =r"day afternoon h#ngo*er
3 I d"dn%t ha*e a 'o!
I was glad I had money "n the /a*"ngs and Eoan
5 I d"dn%t know how to play a g#"tar
$ =r"day afternoon h#ngo*er
7 =r"day afternoon h#ngo*er
& across the street from <orm%s
9 across the street from ;he :ed =e+
1( I was glad I had money "n the /a*"ngs and Eoan
11 spl"t w"th my g"rlfr"end and !l#e and demented
12 I was glad to ha*e my pass!ook and stand "n l"ne
13 I watched the !#ses r#n #p 9ermont
1 I was too cra+y to get a 'o! as a dr"*er of !#ses
15 and I d"dn%t e*en look at the yo#ng g"rls
1$ I got d"++y stand"ng "n l"ne !#t I
17 '#st kept th"nk"ng I ha*e money "n th"s !#"ld"ng
1& =r"day afternoon h#ngo*er
19 I d"dn%t know how to play the p"ano
2( or e*en h#stle a damnfool 'o! "n a carwash
21 I was glad I had money "n the /a*"ngs and Eoan
22 f"nally I was at the w"ndow
23 "t was my Gapanese g"rl
2 she sm"led at me as "f I were some ama+"ng god
25 !ack aga"n, eh. she sa"d and la#ghed
2$ as I showed her my w"thdrawal sl"p and my pass!ook
27 as the !#ses ran #p and down 9ermont
2& the camels trotted across the /ahara
29 she ga*e me the money and I took the money
3( =r"day afternoon h#ngo*er
31 I walked "nto the market and got a cart
32 and I threw sa#sages and eggs and !acon and !read "n there
33 I threw !eer and salam" and rel"sh and p"ckles and m#stard "n there
3 I looked at the yo#ng ho#sew"*es w"ggl"ng cas#ally
35 I threw t-!one steaks and porterho#se and c#!e steaks "n my cart
3$ and tomatoes and c#c#m!ers and oranges "n my cart
37 =r"day afternoon h#ngo*er
3& spl"t w"th my g"rlfr"end and !l#e and demented
39 I was glad I had money "n the /a*"ngs and Eoan,
rou+le wih s'ai)
1 I got "n the shower
2 and !#rned my !alls
3 last Bednesday,
met th"s pa"nter called /pa"n,
5 no, he was a cartoon"st,
$ well, I met h"m at a party
7 and e*ery!ody got mad at me
& !eca#se I d"dn%t know who he was
9 or what he d"d,
1( he was rather a handsome g#y
11 and I g#ess he was 'ealo#s !eca#se
12 I was so #gly,
13 they told me h"s name
1 and he was lean"ng aga"nst the wall
15 look"ng handsome, and I sa"d-
1$ hey, /pa"n, I l"ke that name- /pa"n,
17 !#t I don%t l"ke yo#, why don%t we step o#t
1& "n the garden and I%ll k"ck the sh"t o#t of yo#r
19 ass.
2( th"s made the hostess angry
21 and she walked o*er and r#!!ed h"s pecker
22 wh"le I went to the crapper
23 and hea*ed,
2 !#t e*ery!ody%s angry at me,
25 4#kowsk", he can%t wr"te, he%s had "t,
2$ washed-#p, look at h"m dr"nk,
27 he ne*er #sed to come to part"es,
2& now he comes to part"es and dr"nks e*eryth"ng
29 #p and "ns#lts real talent,
3( I #sed to adm"re h"m when he c#t h"s wr"sts
31 and when he tr"ed to k"ll h"mself w"th
32 gas, look at h"m now leer"ng at that 19 year old
33 g"rl, and yo# know he
3 can%t get "t #p,
35 I not only !#rnt my !alls "n that shower
3$ last Bednesday, I sp#n aro#nd to get o#t of the !#rn"ng
37 water and !#rnt my !#nghole
3& too,
we )i!h
1 the rag,
2 she sat there, gloom"ng,
3 I co#ldn%t do anyth"ng w"th her,
"t was ra"n"ng,
5 she got #p and left,
$ well, hell, here "t "s aga"n, I tho#ght
7 I p"cked #p my dr"nk and t#rned the rad"o #p,
& took the lampshade off the lamp
9 and smoked a cheap !lack !"tter c"gar
1( "mported from 0ermany,
11 there was a knock on the door
12 and I opened the door
13 a l"ttle man stood "n the ra"n
1 and he sa"d,
15 ha*e yo# seen a p"geon on yo#r porch.
1$ I told h"m I hadn%t seen a p"geon on my porch
17 and he sa"d "f I saw a p"geon on my porch
1& to let h"m know,
19 I closed the door
2( sat down
21 and then a !lack cat leaped thro#gh the
22 w"ndow and '#mped on my
23 lap and p#rred, "t was a !ea#t"f#l an"mal
2 and I took "t "nto the k"tchen and we !oth ate a
25 sl"ce of ham,
2$ then I t#rned off all the l"ghts
27 and went to !ed
2& and that !lack cat went to !ed w"th me
29 and "t p#rred
3( and I tho#ght, well, some!ody l"kes me,
31 then the cat started p"ss"ng,
32 "t p"ssed all o*er me and all o*er the sheets,
33 the p"ss rolled across my !elly and sl"d down my s"des
3 and I sa"d- hey, what%s wrong w"th yo#.
35 I p"cked #p the cat and walked h"m to the door
3$ and threw h"m o#t "nto the ra"n
37 and I tho#ght, that%s *ery strange, that cat
3& p"ss"ng on me
39 h"s p"ss was cold as the ra"n,
( then I phoned her
1 and I sa"d, look, what%s wrong w"th yo#. ha*e yo# lost
2 yo#r god damned m"nd.
3 I h#ng #p and p#lled the sheets off the !ed
and got "n and lay there l"sten"ng to the ra"n,
5 somet"mes a man doesn%t know what to do a!o#t th"ngs
$ and somet"mes "t%s !est to l"e *ery st"ll
7 and try not to th"nk at all
& a!o#t anyth"ng,
9 that cat !elonged to some!ody
5( "t had a flea collar,
51 I don%t know a!o#t the
52 woman,
we3 he ariss888
1 "n /an =ranc"sco the landlady, &(, helped me drag the green
2 9"ctrola #p the sta"rway and I played 4eetho*en%s 5th
3 #nt"l they !eat on the walls,
there was a large !#cket "n the center of the room
5 f"lled w"th !eer and w"ne!ottles;
$ so, "t m"ght ha*e !een the d,t,%s, one afternoon
7 I heard a so#nd someth"ng l"ke a !ell
& only the !ell was h#mm"ng "nstead of r"ng"ng,
9 and then a golden l"ght appeared "n the corner of the room
1( #p near the ce"l"ng
11 and thro#gh the so#nd and l"ght
12 shone the face of a woman, worn !#t !ea#t"f#l,
13 and she looked down at me
1 and then a man%s face appeared !y hers,
15 the l"ght !ecame stronger and the man sa"d-
1$ we, the art"sts, are pro#d of yo#>
17 then the woman sa"d- the poor !oy "s fr"ghtened,
1& and I was, and then "t went away,
19 I got #p, dressed, and went to the !ar
2( wonder"ng who the art"sts were and why they sho#ld !e
21 pro#d of me, there were some l"*e ones "n the !ar
22 and I got some free dr"nks, set my pants on f"re w"th the
23 ashes from my cornco! p"pe, !roke a glass del"!erately,
2 was not ro#sted, met a man who cla"med he was B"ll"am
25 /aroyan, and we drank #nt"l a woman came "n and
2$ p#lled h"m o#t !y the ear and I tho#ght, no, that can%t !e
27 B"ll"am, and another g#y came "n and sa"d- man, yo# talk
2& to#gh, well, l"sten, I '#st got o#t for assa#lt and
29 !attery, so don%t mess w"th me> we went o#ts"de the
3( !ar, he was a good !oy, he knew how to d#ke, and "t went
31 along fa"rly e*en, then they stopped "t and we went
32 !ack "n and drank another co#ple of ho#rs, I walked
33 !ack #p to my place, p#t on 4eetho*en%s 5th and
3 when they !eat on the walls I !eat
35 !ack,
3$ I keep th"nk"ng of myself yo#ng, then, the way I was,
37 and I can hardly !el"e*e "t !#t I don%t m"nd "t,
3& I hope the art"sts are st"ll pro#d of me
39 !#t they ne*er came !ack
( aga"n,
1 the war came r#nn"ng "n and ne)t I knew
2 I was "n <ew 7rleans
3 walk"ng "nto a !ar dr#nk
after fall"ng down "n the m#d on a ra"ny n"ght,
5 I saw one man sta! another and I walked o*er and
$ p#t a n"ckle "n the '#ke !o),
7 "t was a !eg"nn"ng, /an
& =ranc"sco and <ew 7rleans were two of my
9 fa*or"te towns,
i ,a)5 sa# i) he sa&e roo& wih ha wo&a) $or $i%e &i)ues
1 I went o*er the other day
2 to p"ck #p my da#ghter,
3 her mother came o#t w"th workman%s
o*eralls on,
5 I ga*e her the ch"ld s#pport money
$ and she la"d a sheaf of poems on me !y one
7 3anfred 1nderson,
& I read them,
9 he%s great, she sa"d,
1( does he send th"s sh"t o#t. I asked,
11 oh no, she sa"d, 3anfred wo#ldn%t do that,
12 why.
13 well, I don%t know e)actly,
1 l"sten, I sa"d, yo# know all the poets who
15 don%t send the"r sh"t o#t,
1$ the maga+"nes aren%t ready for them, she sa"d,
17 they%re too far ad*anced for p#!l"cat"on,
1& oh for chr"st%s sake, I sa"d, do yo# really
19 !el"e*e that.
2( yes, yes, I really !el"e*e that, she
21 answered,
22 look, I sa"d, yo# don%t e*en ha*e the k"d ready
23 yet, she doesn%t ha*e her shoes on, can%t yo#
2 p#t her shoes on.
25 yo#r da#ghter "s & years old, she sa"d,
2$ she can p#t her own shoes on,
27 l"sten, I sa"d to my da#ghter, for chr"st%s sake
2& w"ll yo# p#t yo#r shoes on.
29 3anfred ne*er screams, sa"d her mother,
3( 72 27EH GD/I/ 82:I/;> I yelled
31 yo# see, yo# see. she sa"d, yo# ha*en%t changed,
32 what t"me "s "t. I asked,
33 -3(, 3anfred d"d s#!m"t some poems once, she sa"d,
3 !#t they sent them !ack and he was terr"!ly
35 #pset,
3$ yo#%*e got yo#r shoes on, I sa"d to my da#ghter,
37 let%s go,
3& her mother walked to the door w"th #s,
39 ha*e a n"ce day, she sa"d,
( f#ck off, I sa"d,
1 when she closed the door there was a s"gn pasted to
2 the o#ts"de, "t sa"d-
3 /3IED,
I d"dn%t,
5 we dro*e down 6"co on the way "n,
$ I stopped o#ts"de the :ed 7),
7 I%ll !e r"ght !ack, I told my da#ghter,
& I walked "n, sat down, and ordered a scotch and
9 water, o*er the !ar there was a l"ttle g#y popp"ng "n and
5( o#t of a door hold"ng a *ery red, c#r*ed pen"s
51 "n h"s hand,
52 can%t
53 can%t yo# make h"m stop. I asked the !arkeep,
5 can%t yo# sh#t that th"ng off.
55 what%s the matter w"th yo#, !#ddy. he asked,
5$ I s#!m"t my poems to the maga+"nes, I sa"d,
57 yo# s#!m"t yo#r poems to the maga+"nes. he asked,
5& yo# are god damned r"ght I do, I sa"d,
59 I f"n"shed my dr"nk and got !ack to the car,
$( I dro*e down 6"co 4o#le*ard,
$1 the rema"nder of the day was !o#nd to !e !etter,
,haris&a
1 th"s woman keeps phon"ng me
2 e*en tho#gh I tell her I am l"*"ng w"th a woman
3 I lo*e,
I keep hear"ng no"ses "n the en*"ronment,
5 she phones,
$ I tho#ght "t was yo#,
7 me. I ha*en%t !een dr#nk for se*eral
& days,
9 well, may!e "t wasn%t yo# !#t I felt "t was
1( some!ody who was try"ng to help
11 me,
12 may!e "t was 0od, do yo# th"nk 2e%s there.
13 yes, 2e%s a hook from the ce"l"ng,
1 I tho#ght so,
15 I%m grow"ng tomatoes "n my !asement,
1$ she says,
17 that%s sens"!le,
1& I want to mo*e, where shall I mo*e.
19 north "s o!*"o#s, west "s the ocean, the east "s the
2( past, so#th "s the only way,
21 so#th.
22 yes, !#t not past the !order, "t%s death to
23 gr"ngos,
2 what%s /al"nas l"ke. she asks,
25 "f yo# l"ke lett#ce
2$ go to /al"nas,
27 s#ddenly she hangs #p, she always does that, and she
2& always phones !ack "n a day or a week or a
29 month, she%ll !e at my f#neral w"th tomatoes and the
3( yellow pages of the phone!ook st#ck "nto the pockets of
31 her m"nce-!rown o*ercoat "n 97 degree heat,
32 I ha*e a way w"th the lad"es,
he sou)" o$ hu&a) li%es
1 strange warmth, hot and cold females,
2 I make good lo*e, !#t lo*e "sn%t '#st
3 se), most females I%*e known are
am!"t"o#s, and I l"ke to l"e aro#nd
5 on large comforta!le p"llows at 3 o%clock
$ "n the afternoon, I l"ke to watch the s#n
7 thro#gh the lea*es of a !#sh o#ts"de
& wh"le the world o#t there
9 holds away from me, I know "t so well, all
1( those d"rty pages, and I l"ke to l"e aro#nd
11 my !elly #p to the ce"l"ng after mak"ng lo*e
12 e*eryth"ng flow"ng "n-
13 "t%s so easy to !e easy---"f yo# let "t, that%s all
1 that%s necessary,
15 !#t the female "s strange, she "s *ery
1$ am!"t"o#s---sh"t> I can%t sleep away the day>
17 all we do "s eat> make lo*e> sleep> eat> make lo*e>
1& my dear, I say, there are men o#t there now
19 p"ck"ng tomatoes, lett#ce, e*en cotton,
2( there are men and women dy"ng #nder the s#n,
21 there are men and women dy"ng "n factor"es
22 for noth"ng, a p"ttance ,,,
23 I can hear the so#nd of h#man l"*es !e"ng r"pped to
2 p"eces ,,,
25 yo# don%t know how l#cky we
2$ are ,,,
27 !#t yo#%*e got "t made, she says,
2& yo#r poems ,,,
29 my lo*e gets o#t of !ed,
3( I hear her "n the other room,
31 the typewr"ter "s work"ng,
32 I don%t know why people th"nk effort and energy
33 ha*e anyth"ng to do w"th
3 creat"on,
35 I s#ppose that "n matters l"ke pol"t"cs, med"c"ne,
3$ h"story and rel"g"on
37 they are m"staken
3& also,
39 I t#rn on my !elly and fall asleep w"th my
( ass to the ce"l"ng for a change,
sa*e the p"er
1 yo# sho#lda !een at th"s party,
2 I know yo# hate part"es
3 !#t yo# seem to !e at most of them,
anyhow, I took my g"rl, yo# know
5 her---
$ Ga*a Gane.
7 yes, th"s party was at the merry-go-ro#nd
& where they are try"ng to tear the p"er down, yo#
9 know where that "s.
1( yes, the red pa"nt, the !roken
11 w"ndows---
12 yes, anyhow, my g"rl l"*es "n a room '#st a!o*e the
13 merry-go-ro#nd, "t%s a
1 !"rthday party for the woman who owns the
15 merrry-go-ro#nd,
1$ she%s try"ng to sa*e the p"er
17 she%s try"ng to sa*e the merry-go-ro#nd---
1& plenty of dr"nks for e*ery!ody, my g"rl l"*es "n the
19 room r"ght a!o*e the
2( merry-go-ro#nd,
21 so#nds great,
22 I phoned, yo# weren%t
23 "n,
2 "t%s all r"ght,
25 well, there was plenty to dr"nk and they t#rned the
2$ merry-go-ro#nd on, "t was free, m#s"c and
27 e*eryth"ng,
2& so#nds great,
29 my g"rlfr"end and I got "nto an
3( arg#ment, all the dr"nk"ng---
31 of co#rse,
32 I%m stand"ng apart from her
33 she%s stand"ng apart from me,
3 she%s got a glass of w"ne "n her hand,
35 I g"*e her a dark green deathly stare,
3$ she%s str"cken
37 she steps !ack
3& the th"ng "s wh"rl"ng
39 a horse%s hoof k"cks her "n the ass,
( she drops down #pon the sp"nn"ng,
1 "t all happens so fast---
2 !#t I do not"ce
3 that all the t"me she%s c"rcl"ng
to the m#s"c #nder those horses
5 she%s hold"ng her glass #pr"ght
$ "n order not to sp"ll a
7 drop,
& !ra*e,
9 s#re, only all the t"me her pant"es are
5( show"ng, glow"ng and gl"sten"ng,
51 p"nk,
52 wonderf#l, how do they do "t.
53 they consp"re,
5 the gl"sten"ng p"nk.
55 yes, so her pant"es are show"ng and I th"nk
5$ well, that%s all r"ght !#t "t pro!a!ly looks
57 a hell of a lot !etter to them than "t does to
5& me, so I mo*ed a step forward and sa"d,
59 Gane,
$( what happened.
$1 she kept sp"nn"ng aro#nd hold"ng her dr"nk #p
$2 show"ng her p"nk !ottom ,,, there seemed someth"ng
$3 ten#o#s a!o#t "t, del"c"o#sly "nane ,,,
$ st#nted glory f"nally comes forth holler"ng ,,,
$5 e)actly, she kept gl"d"ng aro#nd
$$ legs o#tspread---
$7 d"++"ed w"th l"fe---
$& *engef#l---
$9 she m#st ha*e cared for me to show her
7( pant"es to all those
71 people, anyhow, she kept sl"d"ng aro#nd
72 #nt"l her leg h"t one of th"s g#y%s legs---
73 he%d stepped forward for a closer look,
7 he was $7 years old and w"th h"s w"fe
75 and they were !oth
7$ eat"ng spaghett" off paper plates, anyhow,
77 my g"rl%s leg h"t h"s
7& she came !o#nc"ng off on her ass
79 st"ll hold"ng the glass of w"ne #pr"ght,
&( I walked o*er and p"cked her #p
&1 and she st"ll held "t
&2 le*el, then she l"fted "t and
&3 drank "t,
& so#nds l"ke "t was a
&5 f"ne party,
&$ I phoned, yo# weren%t
&7 "n,
&& sp"derwe!s of dr"pp"ng
&9 wet-dew se) l"ke
9( !ad!reath dreams,
91 e)actly, yo# sho#ld ha*e !een
92 there,
93 sorry,
+ur)e"
1 the k"d went !ack to <ew Hork 8"ty to l"*e w"th a woman
2 he met "n a k"!!#t+,
3 he left h"s mother at the age of
32, a well-kept fellow, sense of h#mor and ne*er
5 wore the same pa"r of shorts
$ more than one day, there he was
7 "n the 6#erto :"can sect"on, she had a
& 'o!, he wanted "ron !ars on the w"ndows and
9 ate too m#ch fr"ed ch"cken at 1( a,m,
1( "n the morn"ng after she went to
11 work, he had some money sa*ed o#t of the
12 years and he f#cked !#t he was really
13 afra"d of
1 p#ssy,
15 I was s"tt"ng w"th D"leen "n 2ollywood
1$ and I sa"d-
17 I o#ght to warn the k"d
1& so that when she t#rns on h"m
19 he%ll !e
2( ready,
21 no, she sa"d, let h"m !e happy,
22 I let h"m !e
23 happy,
2 now he%s !ack l"*"ng w"th h"s
25 mother, he we"ghs three h#ndred and ten po#nds
2$ and eats all the t"me
27 and la#ghs all the t"me
2& !#t yo# o#ght to see h"s
29 eyes ,,,
3( the eyes are s"tt"ng "n the center of all that
31 flesh ,,,
32 he !"tes "nto a ch"cken leg-
33 I lo*ed her, he says to me,
3 I lo*ed her,
hell hah )o $ur# ***
1 she was "n her orange 9olks wa"t"ng
2 as I walked #p the street
3 w"th 2 s") packs and a p"nt of scotch
and she '#mped o#t
5 and !egan gra!!"ng the !eer!ottles and
$ smash"ng them on the pa*ement
7 and she got the p"nt of scotch and
& smashed that too,
9 say"ng- ho> so yo# were go"ng to get her
1( dr#nk on th"s and f#ck her>
11 I walked "n the doorway where the other woman
12 stood halfway #p the sta"rs,
13 then she ran "n from the street
1 and #p the sta"rs and h"t the other woman
15 w"th her p#rse, say"ng-
1$ he%s my man> he%s my man>
17 and then she ran o#t and
1& '#mped "nto her orange 9olks
19 and dro*e away,
2( I came o#t w"th a !room
21 and !egan sweep"ng #p the glass
22 when I heard a so#nd
23 and there was the orange 9olks
2 r#nn"ng on the s"dewalk
25 and on me---
2$ I managed to leap #p aga"nst a wall
27 as "t went !y,
2& then I took the !room and !egan sweep"ng #p
29 the glass aga"n,
3( and s#ddenly she was stand"ng there;
31 she took the !room and !roke "t "nto three
32 p"eces,
33 then she fo#nd an #n!roken !eer!ottle
3 and threw "t at the glass w"ndow of the door,
35 "t made a clean ro#nd hole
3$ and the other woman sho#ted down from the
37 sta"rway- for 0od%s sake, 4#kowsk", go w"th
3& her>
39 I got "nto the orange 9olks and we
( dro*e off together,
'ull a sri)!3 a 'u''e &o%es ***
1 each man m#st real"+e
2 that "t can all d"sappear *ery
3 @#"ckly-
the cat, the woman, the 'o!,
5 the front t"re,
$ the !ed, the walls, the
7 room; all o#r necess"t"es
& "ncl#d"ng lo*e,
9 rest on fo#ndat"ons of sand---
1( and any g"*en ca#se,
11 no matter how #nrelated-
12 the death of a !oy "n 2ong Cong
13 or a !l"++ard "n 7maha ,,,
1 can ser*e as yo#r #ndo"ng,
15 all yo#r ch"naware crash"ng to the
1$ k"tchen floor, yo#r g"rl w"ll enter
17 and yo#%ll !e stand"ng, dr#nk,
1& "n the center of "t and she%ll ask-
19 my god, what%s the matter.
2( and yo#%ll answer- I don%t know,
21 I don%t know ,,
ou!her ha) ,or)e" +ee$ hash888
1 the mot"on of the h#man heart-
2 strangled o*er 3"sso#r";
3 sheathed "n hot wa) "n 4oston;
!#rned l"ke a potato "n <orfolk;
5 lost "n the 1llegheny 3o#nta"ns;
$ fo#nd aga"n "n a -poster mahogany !ed
7 "n <ew 7rleans;
& drowned and st"rred w"th p"nto !eans
9 "n Dl 6aso;
1( h#ng on a cross l"ke a dr#nken dog
11 "n Aen*er;
12 c#t "n half and toasted "n
13 Calama+oo;
1 fo#nd cancero#s on a f"sh"ng !oat
15 off the coast of 3e)"co;
1$ tr"cked and caged at Aaytona 4each;
17 k"cked !y a n#rsery ma"d
1& "n a green and wh"te gh"ngham dress,
19 wa"t"ng ta!le at a <orth 8arol"na
2( !#s stop;
21 r#!!ed "n ol"*e o"l and goat-p"ss
22 !y a chess-play"ng hooker "n the Dast 9"llage;
23 pa"nted red, wh"te, and !l#e
2 !y an act of 8ongress;
25 torpedoed !y a dyed !londe
2$ w"th the !"ggest ass "n Cansas;
27 g#tted and gored !y a woman
2& w"th the so#l of a !#ll
29 "n Dast Eans"ng;
3( petr"f"ed !y a g"rl w"th t"ny f"ngers,
31 she had one tooth m"ss"ng,
32 #pper front, and p#mped gas
33 "n 3esa;
3 the mot"on of the h#man heart goes on
35 and on
3$ and on and on
37 for a wh"le,
%oi,es
1,
1 my mo#stache "s pasted-on
2 and my w"g and my eye!rows
3 and e*en my eyes ,,,
then someth"ng st#ns me ,,,
5 the lampshades sw"ng, I hear
$ s"mmer"ng and mag"c and
7 "ncred"!le so#nds,
2,
& I know I went mad, almost as
9 an act of theory-
1( the lost are fo#nd
11 the s"ck are healthy
12 the non-creators are the
13 creators,
3,
1 e*en "f I were a comforta!le, domest"cated
15 soph"st"cate I co#ld ne*er dr"nk the
1$ !lood of the masses and
17 call "t w"ne,
,
1& why d"d I ha*e to l"ft that pretty g"rl%s
19 car !y the !#mper !eca#se the 'ack got st#ck.
2( I co#ldn%t stra"ghten #p
21 and they took me away l"ke a pret+el and stra"ghtened
22 me !#t I st"ll co#ldn%t mo*e ,,,
23 "t was the hosp"tal%s fa#lt, the doctors% fa#lt,
2 then those two !oys dropped me on the way to the
25 )-ray room ,,, I hollered E1B/II;>
2$ !#t I g#ess "t was that g"rl%s fa#lt---
27 she sho#ldn%t ha*e shown me all that leg
2& and ha#nch,
5,
29 l"sten, l"sten, /618D/2I; E79D, ;7:< I< A:I6 7I;,
3( /618D/2I; E79D, E79D, E79D; CIEE, ED1:< ;7 I/D 1
31 BD167<; 76D< 1:D1/, :D1EILD, 4D AI9I<D, /618D/2I;
32 E79D, I;%/ approach"ng ,,,
$,
33 I d"d a take-off of D,2, "n my f"rst no*el,
3 !een l"*"ng green e*er s"nce, I%m pro!a!ly
35 the !est 'o#rnal"st 1mer"ca e*er had, I can
3$ !#llsh"t on any s#!'ect, and that co#nts for
37 someth"ng, yo# adm"re me m#ch more
3& than the f"rst man yo# meet on the street
39 "n the morn"ng, !as"cally, tho#gh, "t%s a
( fact, I%*e l"*ed d#r"ng an era of no wr"ters
1 at all, so I%*e earned a pos"t"on
2 !eca#se noth"ng else appeared, o,k,,
3 "t%s a !ad age, I s#ppose I am n#m!er
one, 4#t "t%s hardly the same as when we
5 had g"ants t#rn"ng #s on, forget "t-
$ I%m l"*"ng green,
7,
7 I was a !ad wr"ter, I k"lled <,8, !eca#se I made
& more of h"m than there was, and then the "ns
9 made more of my !ook than there was, there ha*e
5( !een only 3 !ad wr"ters "n accepta!le 1mer"can
51 l"terat#re, Ar"eser, of co#rse, was the worst,
52 then we had ;homas Bolfe, and then we had me, !#t
53 when I try to choose !etween me and Bolfe, I%*e
5 got to take Bolfe, I mean as the worst, I l"ke
55 to th"nk of what 8apote, another !ad wr"ter sa"d
5$ a!o#t me- he '#st typewr"tes, somet"mes e*en
57 !ad wr"ters tell the tr#th,
5& my pro!lem, l"ke most, "s art"st"c prec"o#sness, I
59 e)"st, f#ll of french fr"es and glory
$( and then I look aro#nd, see the 1rt-form, pop "nto
$1 "t and tell them how f"ne I am and what I th"nk,
$2 th"s "s the same t"resomeness that has almost des-
$3 troyed art for cent#r"es, I made a record once of
$ myself read"ng my poems to a l"on at the +oo, he really
$5 roared, as "f he were "n pa"n, all the poets play
$$ th"s record and la#gh when they get dr#nk,
9,
$7 remem!er my no*el a!o#t 'a"l where
$& photos of heroes and lo*ers floated aga"nst the
$9 rock walls.
7( I got famo#s, I came o*er here,
71 I got hot for the !lack motorcycl"sts of 9alley
72 Best and 4akersf"eld
73 who took my fame and 'ammed "t
7 and made me s#ck the"r lonel"ness and dement"a
75 and the"r dream of 8ad"llac wh"te so#l and
7$ 8ad"llac !lack so#l
77 and they creamed #p my ass
7& and "nto my nostr"ls and "nto my ears
79 wh"le I sa"d, 8omm#n"sm, 8omm#n"sm
&( and they gr"nned and knew I d"dn%t mean "t,
srai!h o) hrou!h
1 I am
2 h#ng !y a na"l
3 the s#n melts my heart
I am
5 co#s"n to the snake
$ and am afra"d of waterfalls
7 I am
& afra"d of women and green walls
9 the pol"ce stop me and
1( tell me
11 wh"le the trees wh"rl "n the w"nd
12 (I am h#ngo*er) that my m#ffler "s shot and
13 my w"ndsh"eld w"per doesn%t work
1 and the lens on my !ack-#p l"ght "s !roken,
15 I don%t ha*e a !ack-#p l"ght,
1$ s"gn the c"tat"on and am thankf#l,
17 "ns"de,
1& that they don%t take me "n for what I%m
19 th"nk"ng
2( sadness dr"ps l"ke water !eads
21 "n a half-po"soned well,
22 I know that my chances ha*e narrowed down to
23 almost noth"ng---
2 I%m l"ke a !#g "n the !athroom when yo# fl"ck on the
25 l"ghtsw"tch at 3 a,m,
2$ lo*e, f"nally, w"th a washrag st#ffed down "ts
27 throat, p"ct#res of 'oy
2& t#rned to papercl"ps, yo#
29 know yo# know yo# know,
3( once yo# #nderstand th"s process (what yo#
31 m#st #nderstand
32 "s
33 that most th"ngs
3 '#st won%t work, so
35 yo# don%t try to sa*e
3$ them, and !y the t"me yo# learn th"s
37 yo#%*e r#n o#t of
3& years)---once yo# #nderstand th"s process
39 yo# need only get !#rned 2 or 3 more t"mes
( !efore they st#ff yo# away, and
1 "t%s good to know that---
2 stop !e"ng so f#ck"ng @#"ck w"th yo#r
3 re'o"nders and rela)---
yo#%re a!o#t f"n"shed, too, '#st
5 l"ke I am, no shame
$ there, I can walk "nto any !ar and
7 order a scotch and water,
& pay,
9 and p#t my hand aro#nd the glass,
5( they don%t know, they won%t know,
51 e"ther a!o#t yo# or a!o#t me,
52 they%ll talk a!o#t foot!all and the
53 weather and the energy cr"s"s,
5 and o#r hands w"ll reach #p
55 the m"rror watch"ng the hands
5$ and we%ll dr"nk "t down---
57 Gane, 4ar!ara, =rances, E"nda, E"+a, /tella,
5& father%s !rown leather sl"pper
59 #ps"dedown "n the !athroom,
$( nameless dead dogs,
$1 tomorrow%s newspaper,
$2 water !o"l"ng o#t of the rad"ator on a
$3 ;h#rsday afternoon, !#rn"ng yo#r arm
$ halfway to the el!ow, and not e*en !e"ng
$5 angry at the pa"n,
$$ gr"nn"ng for the w"nners
$7 gr"nn"ng for the g#y who f#cked yo#r g"rl
$& wh"le yo# were dr#nk or away
$9 and gr"nn"ng for the g"rl who let h"m,
7( the roses howl
71 "n the d"m w"nd,
72 we ha*e
73 sa"d the necessary th"ngs, and
7 gett"ng o#t "s ne)t, only I%d l"ke
75 to say
7$ no matter what they%*e sa"d,
77 I%*e ne*er !een mad
7& at anyth"ng,
"rea&lessl#
1 old grey-ha"red wa"tresses
2 "n cafes at n"ght
3 ha*e g"*en "t #p,
and as I walk down s"dewalks of
5 l"ght and look "nto w"ndows
$ of n#rs"ng homes
7 I can see that "t "s no longer
& w"th them,
9 I see people s"tt"ng on park !enches
1( and I can see !y the way they
11 s"t and look
12 that "t "s gone,
13 I see people dr"*"ng cars
1 and I see !y the way
15 they dr"*e the"r cars
1$ that they ne"ther lo*e nor are
17 lo*ed---
1& nor do they cons"der
19 se), "t "s all forgotten
2( l"ke an old mo*"e,
21 I see people "n department stores and
22 s#permarkets
23 walk"ng down a"sles
2 !#y"ng th"ngs
25 and I can see !y the way the"r cloth"ng
2$ f"ts them and !y the way they walk
27 and !y the"r faces and the"r eyes
2& that they care for noth"ng
29 and that noth"ng cares
3( for them,
31 I can see a h#ndred people a day
32 who ha*e g"*en #p
33 ent"rely,
3 "f I go to a racetrack
35 or a sport"ng e*ent
3$ I can see tho#sands
37 that feel for noth"ng or
23(F
3& no one
39 and get no feel"ng
( !ack,
1 e*erywhere I see those who
2 cra*e noth"ng !#t
3 food, shelter, and
cloth"ng; they concentrate
5 on that,
$ dreamlessly,
7 I do not #nderstand why these people do not
& *an"sh
9 I do not #nderstand why these people do not
5( e)p"re
51 why the clo#ds
52 do not m#rder them
53 or why the dogs
5 do not m#rder them
55 or why the flowers and the ch"ldren
5$ do not m#rder them,
57 I do not #nderstand,
5& I s#ppose they are m#rdered
59 yet I can%t ad'#st to the
$( fact of them
$1 !eca#se they are so
$2 many,
$3 each day,
$ each n"ght,
$5 there are more of them
$$ "n the s#!ways and
$7 "n the !#"ld"ngs and
$& "n the parks
$9 they feel no terror
7( at not lo*"ng
71 or at not
72 !e"ng lo*ed
73 so many many many
7 of my fellow
75 creat#res,
'al& lea%es
1 at e)actly 12-(( m"dn"ght
2 1973-7
3 Eos 1ngeles
"t !egan to ra"n on the
5 palm lea*es o#ts"de my w"ndow
$ the horns and f"recrackers
7 went off
& and "t th#ndered,
9 I%d gone to !ed at 9 p,m,
1( t#rned o#t the l"ghts
11 p#lled #p the co*ers---
12 the"r ga"ety, the"r happ"ness,
13 the"r screams, the"r paper hats,
1 the"r a#tomo!"les, the"r women,
15 the"r amate#r dr#nks ,,,
1$ <ew Hear%s D*e always terr"f"es
17 me
1& l"fe knows noth"ng of years,
19 now the horns ha*e stopped and
2( the f"recrackers and the th#nder ,,,
21 "t%s all o*er "n f"*e m"n#tes ,,,
22 all I hear "s the ra"n
23 on the palm lea*es,
2 and I th"nk,
25 I w"ll ne*er #nderstand men,
2$ !#t I ha*e l"*ed
27 "t thro#gh,
..
..
..
..
1