Empowering vs.

Dis-Empowering Questions
Disempowering Questions Empowering Questions
Why me? Why cant I do this? Why
am I so _____(insert negative trait)?
How have I been successful? What did I do
right today? Who says Im ____ (insert
negative trait)?
Why do I have all the bad luck? Why
does this stuff always happen to me?
Why does this have to be so difficult?
What can I learn from this? How can I use
this? How can I benefit from it? How can I
do this more quickly and easily?
What if I lose it? What if I cant do it? What would I do differently if I werent so
worried about the outcome? What can I do
to feel better or be more successful?
Whats wrong with me? Whats wrong
with him/her/us/them/this/that?
What do I/we/they do well? What do
I/we/they want? How can I/we resolve
this? What are my/our choices? How can
I/we get started? What might happen if
I/we did that?
What will people say? What if they
are saying bad things about me?
Who says___ (i.e., people are talking)? Is
this something I can control? Is this
feedback beneficial & truthful? Or,
manipulative & misleading?












Resulting Feelings & Actions
Disempowering Questions Empowering Questions
Helplessness, hopelessness, negativity,
feeling trapped, passive, victimized,
out of control.
Feeling uplifted, positive,
resourceful, active, energetic,
willing, optimistic, and in control.
Judge feelings as good/bad. Accept emotions.
Dramatize or attempt to control your
own feelings and those of others;
become afraid of, overwhelmed by
emotions.
Control thinking about emotions;
remain calm, poised, in control, and
rational.
Consider feelings great or terrible.
Fear that unpleasant feelings may
never end.
Consider emotions as temporary. Do
not push feelings away or try to hold
onto them.
Black-or-white, all-or-nothing
thinking; exaggerate negatives; filter
out positives; label self & others
negatively.
See people and events more
rationally, more accurately; focus
more on the positivesall of which
leads to more pleasant emotions.
Attempt to prove or defend oneself. Attempt to find a solution or meet a
goal.
Judge people, places, and things as
right or wrong, good or bad.
Evaluate information to observe and
correct thoughts/behavior.
Attempt to control others. Attempt to negotiate and cooperate.