The World Wrestling Federation Never Really Existed

By Rick Sheridan, 2014

Reality and fantasy are constantly blurred at WWF matches.
Baseball bats and flame throwers make head locks look a little old fashioned.
issin! link creationism shines from these "#foot $oliath%s.
Se& !roans flow from o'er!rown schoolyard bullies.
(hrobbin! )lastic 'owel sounds emanate from ti!er clad !irl friends.
(ribal banners are trium)hantly wa'ed from *arwinian cul#de#sacs.
Ritual sacrifices consi!n losers into cannibal sou).
+ot a dro) of blood is s)illed as hand !renades e&)lode on sta!e.
ob )sycholo!y threatens to forcefully e'ict any unbelie'ers.
,udience lau!hter de'astates these wrestlers more than broken chair attacks.
-ail cells em)ty themsel'es of articulate !rade B wrestle actors.
(estosterone and steroid laced hot do!s arri'e in fla! dra)ed wra))ers.