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I read the news today oh, boy

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About a lucky man who made the grade
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And though the news was rather sad
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Well, I just had to laugh
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I saw the hotograh
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!e blew h"s m"nd out "n a car
!e d"dn#t not"ce that the l"ghts had changed
A crowd o$ eole stood and stared
%hey#d seen h"s $ace be$ore
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&obody was really sure "$ he was $rom the house o$ lords
I saw a 'lm today oh, boy
%he engl"sh army had just won the war
A crowd o$ eole turned away
But I just had to look
!a("ng read the book
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I#d lo(e to turn you on+
Woke u, $ell out o$ bed
,ragged a comb across my head
Found my way downsta"rs and drank a cu
And look"ng u, I not"ced I was late
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus "n seconds -at
Found my way usta"rs and had a smoke
And somebody soke and I went "nto a dream
Ah
I read the news today oh, boy
Four thousand holes "n blackburn, lancash"re
And though the holes were rather small
%hey had to count them all
&ow they know how many holes "t takes to 'll the albert hall
I#d lo(e to turn you on