You are on page 1of 1

What, first my brother, and now you, too?

Dearest Hamlet, I believe that you are right in at least this

much. Denmark is a prison, the jailors, swine and hypocrites, so keen on protecting a treasure that was never
theirs to have. If you have caught madness then it is only a madness, which, up until now has enflamed the
mind of the moiety. Misogyny must be an airborne illness, to have spread so quickly. And I thought you of all
people would be immune.
Get thee to a nunnery? Better if you were to make for a monastery. They would, of course, be the
only ones to accept you. Indifferent honest is even a stretch for you. Why not just be honest? We both know
what youre really likeId not so much be a breeder of sinners as one of trow. Where did you get this idea
that I wanted to breed? That anyone would have wanted to breed? Certainly you could not have from my
countenance as you presented to me your codpiece. Or were you mad then, too?
You took the breakup as well as I thought you would. Funny, at first I had thought to oppose my
father, the jailor he is. After careful deliberation, however, I decided it would be for the best. Youve admitted
it yourself, Hamlet. Your poems composed of sweet breaths, light airy nothings inscribed in a most dainty
scriptempty promises. What happened to the violets that you were supposed to give me for our
anniversary? You must have misplaced them, and let them wilt away in some unseen corner while you were
busy giving my father advice, or reading those words, words, words of which you are so fond. Of course,
when I quite reasonably give back your presents, I am painted the monster. Oh, I will be the unchaste breeder
of sinnersnot you, Prince Hamlet, epitome of fidelity. Im sure, Hamlet, that nothing happened while you
were in university. Im sure, Hamlet, that you didnt go on any drunken stupors which you so much loved to
do before your uncle became King. Youre worse than my brother; off on the primrose path to heaven he
Would you like some columbines, before you go back? I know that it must be awfully dreary in
England this time of year without at least some to brighten your room. Ill just stay here in my own little