*All Scriptural quotations are taken from the King James Bible (KJV)

Some duties required of Christians parents to their children

In todays society where knowledge and activities have increased exponentially
compared to two decades age, or even just a decade ago, answers are sought for in almost every
subject, and how parents should bring up their children is of no exception. The advance in
technology and changes to the values of societies globally has also led to an increase in problems
in many societies. For example, while the advent of the Internet has not only made the access to
useful information more easily; it has also exposed children to many dangers. In this article, I
present the biblical approach: using the Bible alone, for advice to parenting.
The Bible, whose Author is God, comprises 66 books spanning about 1500 years. It was
completed about 2000 years ago. It is also referred to as the word of God. Are its teachings
outdated, or even only relevant to some cultures? I disagree with Bible skeptics. I will
confidently affirm that the teachings of this old Book which have stood the test of time in every
century, is still ever pertinent to every society today. It is man who needs Gods help to his
problems, and God does not need any puny mans help! The Bible says: Add thou not unto his
words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar. (Proverbs 30:6). Not surprisingly, I have
read about, heard of, and even encountered in my personal experience of parenting gurus who
are unable to deal effectively with their own problematic children! Yet, we see parents, even
Christian parents, consulting these gurus for advice, ignorant that the Bible addresses every
delinquent problem that has been identified. It is true that the Bible does not tell us what
medicine to give to a child who has a fever, however, it deals with more than sufficiently
problems which concern the moral character of humans. How unfortunate is it for those who
value the advice of fallible man over the wisdom of Gods word! Parents who say they are
Christians must thus base the manner of their childrens upbringing on the Bible when it
concerns the moral development of their children.
What is the age of a child, by the Bibles definition? There is no specific age, but
Proverbs 20:11 says Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and
whether it be right. Research has shown that even babies are aware of the use of psychology to
manipulate their parents, to demand their parents to give in to their wants!

What duties do Christian parents have a duty towards their children? Lets examine some
portions in the Old Testament:
i) Deuteronomy 6:7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt
talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and
when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

The Israelites were the only people on earth who possessed the laws of God
(summarized in the 10 commandments in Exodus 20). They were to be the witnesses
of God as a nation, whose families obeyed Gods commandments. While other
nations parents taught their children other moral instructions, Israels parents had a
duty to teach their children about the standard of discipline laid down in the
Scriptures.

ii) Exodus 20:4-6 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of
any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water
under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the
LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the
children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing
mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

This is the second of the ten commandments. Israel was warned not to worship other
gods that could be seen or touched. The penalty for disobedience was suffering the
curse of God extending even to their grandchildren and great grandchildren. On the
other hand, obedience would result in Gods blessings in the case of Israel as a
nation, material and spiritual.

iii) Genesis 17:9-10 And God said unto Abraham, Thou shalt keep my covenant
therefore, thou, and thy seed after thee in their generations. This is my covenant,
which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child
among you shall be circumcised v14 And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh
of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath
broken my covenant.

A male child was circumcised when he was eight days old. Circumcision is an
outward sign of putting away the sins of the flesh. Circumcision is no longer
practiced in the New Testament, but the principle is evident the circumcision of the
heart, which is the real significance. Colossians 2:11 In whom also ye are
circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, in putting off the body of the
sins of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ: The act of circumcision does not give
salvation. It is the inward circumcision that saves. However, should children be given
a choice whether to be taught about the Bible? No. Instead, Christian parents have a
duty before God to teach their children the word of God.

iv) Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will
not depart from it.

Bible training begins when the child is still a child! Some parents may say that there
is no guarantee that their child would be godly when they grow up. I put to these
parents: have they done their best in training their children to obey Gods word? If
they have honestly done so, they have then vindicated themselves of any negligence.
However, many honest parents will have to admit that they failed in their duty! Most
of time, it is because they have not put in effort and invested their free time to study
their Bibles and draw out important lessons to teach their children. They leave their
Bibles to collect dust, have them in their computers and mobile phones everywhere
except their heads and hearts. At best, many Christian parents I have encountered
only pick fragments from different parts of the Bible in their learning, without
bothering to go in-depth. When they fail in their attempts to discipline their wayward
children, who is to blame? God is perfect, and the Bible is without mistakes. It is
humans who give excuses for their lack of knowledge of Gods word. Any discipline
procedure carried out on any child has to be done according to Gods instructions,
and not the whims and fancies of the parents! This leads us to the next portion.

v) Proverbs 23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him
with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his
soul from hell.

Here is where we get the oft-repeated proverb, spare the rod, spoil the child. The
Bible clearly indicates here the use of the rod. In our context today, the closest
example is the cane. A Christian parent must thus use a cane to mete out
punishments, and not by smacking with the hand or a belt! Hell is real place of
torment, for sinners who have not repented of their sins. Caning itself of course
cannot give salvation to any child. Every child has to make the personal decision to
believe in Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour, and walk in obedience to Gods
commandments.
We shall now examine the teachings in the New Testament:
i) 2 Timothy 3:14-15 But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast
been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; And that from a child thou
hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation
through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

Timothy was a young pastor. From a child, he had been taught the Scriptures (during
that time, the Old Testament). Even though God is the Author of the Bible, the Bible
is not a book so mysterious that one has to possess special knowledge or needs to be
very intellectual to understand. God does not want to confuse us, but expects us to
play our part to accumulate knowledge of His word. I believe that every Christian
parent is given the gift of teaching ones children Gods word. They must use it
zealously and consistently. The best way to make an impact though, would be parents
who live out what they teach. Children must be strongly urged to obey in word,
thought and deed so they can be spiritually rich.

ii) 1 Timothy 4:12-13 Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the
believers, in word, in conversation [behavior], in charity [love], in spirit, in faith, in
purity. Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.

The context of this exhortation to Timothy was Paul treating Timothy as his spiritual
son. Timothy could have been at this time over thirty years of age. Nevertheless, in
the aged apostle Pauls eyes, Timothy was still youthful, especially as a Christian.
Nonetheless, Timothy was challenged to be a spiritually mature Christian, inwardly
and outwardly. The process of developing the above listed characteristics of a mature
Christian would include reading (most likely sound Christian literature), teaching
others Gods word and obeying sound doctrine (which is mentioned next).

iii) Titus 2:1-8 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged
men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged
women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers,
not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young
women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet,
chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God
be not blasphemed. Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. In all things
shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity,
sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part
may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.

The epistle of Titus was also written by the apostle Paul. Perhaps, Paul was exhorting
the aged men and women to treat the younger brethren as their spiritual sons and
daughters. Christian parents should teach their young daughters to be discreet,
chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, so that the word of
God be not blasphemed. Having much head knowledge is very important and the
first step to success, but the purpose is defeated if ones practices are contrary to
ones knowledge. Resources today are dedicated to sexuality education, in the hope
that unwanted pregnancies and that the number of STDs among young women would
be reduced. This approach has unfortunately been quite futile. In contrast, young
women who are taught to obey the word of God would doubtless deal most
effectively with these problems present day societies face. Young men are instructed
to be sincere, and that no any major accusation can be found against them. One
survey among US employees found that about 42% of time, work is slowed down or
delayed because of poor interpersonal relations. The word of God gives the simple,
yet most effective solution sound speech! Do not be astonished that even self-
proclaimed experts at solving interpersonal problems receive complains that they
themselves have very poor EQ!

iv) Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour
thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may
be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke
not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the
Lord.

Children must be taught to honour their parents, but, IN THE LORD and not blind
obedience. The writer of Ephesians under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit quoted the
5
th
commandment (see Exodus 20:12) to be obeyed by Christians in the New
Testament period. The promise of long life must not be misconstrued to conclude that
Christians who die at a young age live a life of dishonoring their parents. Sometimes,
God has higher plans for some individuals, as in the case of John the Baptist, who
was beheaded at a young age for uncompromisingly preaching the true messages of
God. As a general rule, however, children who obey their parents are at less risks of
becoming a victim of AIDS, dying of drug abuse, getting killed or injured in gang
fights etc. this is most likely how the promise of long life may be explained. And in
order for parents to effectively impart the teaching of the 5
th
commandment to their
children, fathers (who are to be the heads of the respective houses) are instructed not
to provoke their children to wrath (=anger), but to help their children to become self-
disciplined in obeying Gods instructions. Colossians 3:21 elaborates this aspect of
parental duty by instructing: Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they
be discouraged. Child correction must have the correct objective to help children
grow spiritually and not to become discouraged as a result!
The above examples from the Old and New Testaments are merely the tip of the iceberg
of the parental responsibilities of every Christian parent. The New Testament does not contradict
the Old, rather it provides a commentary to help the student of Gods word have a clearer
meaning of the Old Testament.
Next, I will share some points I have adapted from a message preached by the late
Fundamental Baptist preacher J. B. Buffington (1923-2009) at Calvary Baptist Church,
Lakeland, Florida, in the late 1970s. The message is: How to lose a child before he is five years
old. This is adapted from a book I strongly recommend for parents, Keeping the Kids: How to
Keep Our Children from Falling Prey to the World by David Cloud. Personally, I find that these
points are also applicable to parents of teenagers.
1) Use worldly counsel instead of Gods word about raising children
1 John 2:15-17 says Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If
any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the
world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the
Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he
that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

The philosophy of the world would cater well to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the
eyes and the pride of life. The signs of our present time indicate very clearly that the
second coming of Jesus Christ to judge the world of its unrepentant sinners is very
soon (see Matthew 24 for some signs). The present generation is characterized by
high-consumerism, an insatiable thirst for health, wealth and pleasure, to name a few.
As foretold in 2 Timothy 3:4-7, there would be those who outwardly present
themselves as Christians, by having a form of godliness, but denying the power
thereof. Those who study the Scriptures diligently will not be astonished to find
churches attracting huge followings by preaching gospels that bring in the philosophy
of the world (under the guise of the term gospel), rather than reproving them and
preaching the true gospel, which require self-denial, crucifying the flesh and the lusts
of it (Galatians 5:24). The pleasures of sin by feeding ones lusts tastes sweet for a
short time, but would ultimately result in judgment and hell fire. Gods word calls for
separation from worldly counsel! I am privileged to have been brought up in a Bible
Presbyterian (BP) church. The BPs since its inception in 1937 have been very militant
in exposing false doctrines and false teachers, and have been very uncompromising in
warning others. Many churches which were once earnestly contending for the faith
are no longer grounding its members as much as before in Gods word. There are
adults, who have been in church for more than 20 years, shockingly have not even
read through the Bible cover to cover once, and are unaware of some books in it. This
is no different from what happened in the days of Hosea 8:12 I have written to him
the great things of my law, but they were counted as a strange thing. Such parents
are willing to spend much time and money to develop many facets of their children,
except teaching their children spiritual truths well, which implies them saying their
own wisdom is above the wisdom of God. I thank God for helping me to appreciate
more and more of the value of His word, like the Psalmist in Psalms 119:72 The
law of thy mouth is better unto me than thousands of gold and silver.

2) Compare one child unfavorably with another
Why cant you be as smart/well-behaved as that boy/girl? If the other kid is an A
student, child may say to himself If Im not going to be like him, Im going to be a
failure. The 10
th
commandment states that Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's
house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his
maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's. (Exodus
20:17) While other commandments like not stealing, not killing, not telling lies can
be shown in ones outward observance, the 10
th
commandment deals directly with the
hearts condition. 1 Timothy 6:6 gives the antidote to this sin: But godliness with
contentment is great gain. (Where a commandment forbids an action, the opposite is
expected).

3) Husband and wives fight verbally/physically in front of their children
Children tend to imitate the behaviours of parents. If the parents use violence as a first
resort to settle problems, there is a very high chance their children will develop such
tendencies. The ideal family would be the husband and wife playing their respective
God-given roles.

4) Allow unsupervised viewing of TV, cartoons, computer games
The world is fraught with spiritual dangers. We must be always alert to every form of
it. The only defense would be testing everything against Scripture. Even cartoons and
computer games are not as innocuous as once thought. There are cartoons and
computer games which have graphics of girls dressing immodestly and are passed off
by cartoonists and game developers as innocent, when it is actually a form of
pornography, derived from the word fornication which the Bible condemns.
Research has shown that children could also develop violent tendencies upon being
exposed after some time to TV shows that seem to glamorize people performing
violent acts. Above all, those who play computer games are exposed to the hazard of
becoming addicted to them. There have been cases of students becoming so addicted
to the extent they skip their meals, do not bother to take a shower, neglect their
homework and their part of their projects, and become increasingly anti-social in their
behavior. I have even been informed that one gamer played until he developed a deep
vein thrombosis that entered his heart and he died. From a biblical perspective, I have
learnt to see that Satan is so cunning when tempting humans. He would not tempt a
church goer with a metal or wooden statue. Rather, he uses computer games to tempt
youths to worship their favourite computer games at the expense of doing profitable
spiritual activities like studying and meditating on Gods word, reading good
Christian literature, praying, helping out in household chores, putting in effort in
ones studies etc. which are means of grace to grow as a Christian.
Finally, I am convinced that parents can maximize the development of their childs
spiritual growth is by teaching them how to study the Bible for themselves. One key to obtaining
the one correct interpretation of a verse would be looking at the verses and chapters before and
after. Additionally, parents should provide sound Christian literature which they have screened
through to facilitate their childrens learning. Of course, any material read should be seen as a
useful tool, but nothing should replace the Bible itself.