I walked down the stairs into the Kitchen with a cardboard box in my hands.

I put the box

onto the blue and gold granite. I pulled off the top and immediately could smell Dylans cologne.
A peculiar smell, not what you would think of when you think of cologne. It smelled like exotic
sandalwood and coconut mixed with a hint of citrus. I fell in love with the smell, too easily, ust
like I had when I first met him. I dropped my head to look into the box, and a pearl si!ed tear hit
a note that said, "for #ethany.$ I touched the soft fabric of %eans maroon football ersey. I was
reminded of the uni&ue hugs that we would exchange. 'e would gently grasp my waist and I
would hold his neck and burry my face into his chest. (he only place I have ever felt safe. I lifted
the ersey out and pulled my head through. I looked down with suspicion of seeing something of
Kristys, Instead I saw a picture of the four of us. I was kissing %eans olive)gold cheek, and
Kristy was kissing Dylans rosy cheek. Kristy was wearing the only thing that I can remember
her ever wearing, black yoga pants and one of %eans stained blue ()%hirts. 'er intense yet soft,
wispy black hair was in the casual top)knot that I had always admired. At the bottom of the box,
there were the little obects that I had known my best friends by, which I had never once been
grateful for.
I pulled on my yellow acket over %eans ersey and red rainboots. I walked into the crisp
*ermont air. It was pouring rain and I ran into my beaten up car. I closed the car door and pulled
the ignition. I put my hands onto the wheel and felt the cold leather beneath my fingertips. I
whispered to myself, "this is the first step to moving on, #ethany.$ I took my foot off of the
break and drove down the street and onto the same highway where the crash had happened. I saw
the black streak where the %+* slammed on their breaks, and hit my car. I looked down at the
piece of paper with directions to a therapy office, that my mom had handed me before she said,
"your appointment is at four, dont be late,$ and left for work.
I followed the directions and soon arrived at an old brown building. I opened the large
wooden door and peered inside before allowing my entire body to enter. I looked around at the
aged white walls and the polished floors. (he hallway was simple, with doors appearing every
few steps. I took my first right and followed the signs until I reached the reception office where I
was to check in for my appointment.
I sat down in a plain wooden chair and waited for my name to be called. A while later, a
woman in a blue dress with curly brown hair that perfectly fell in tight ringlets, framing her face,
softly whispered, "#ethany,$ I hesitated, and looked around, and seeing that I was the only one
there, I stood up and followed the pretty lady into a very dark room. 'er scarlet nail polish
turned on a switch and the lights flickered on. I sat down on the shiny black cushion and waited
for the therapist.
A while later, a man walked into the room and asked me to explain everything that had
happened the night of the accident, I closed my eyes and remembered everything.
I could feel the vodka burning a trail down my throat and my gums throbbing.
%ilence.
I opened my eyes and my head was flooded with cheers to take another shot. I poured
myself another glass, my arms trembling, the cold alcohol spilling on my clammy hands. I
slowly lifted the glass to my lips and could taste the bitterness of the beverage. I turned around,
feeling awfully giddy, and stumbled over Kristys foot, "I think somebody has had enough to
drink, dont you think,$ Kristy said. I smirked and walked away.
%eans hand touched mine, and I could feel his hot breath on my neck as he told me,
"-ome on, time to go.$ I ran to the car and got in the drivers seat. "/o, #ethany, you cant
drive,$ Dylan said. I ust laughed and locked the door, not thinking anything of it. "Im driving,
get in or walk home, losers.$ I said. Dylan, %ean, and Kristy piled in the back seat. 0y fingers
pulled the ignition and the car made a loud growl, as if it was warning me.
I pulled out of the driveway and onto the street. (he windshield filled with fog and snow
flakes, the glass being the only separation. I turned onto the highway, the snowflakes proected
by the headlights caught my attention. As if my life were in slow motion, I saw a gold %+*
about to hit the back seat of my car. #efore I could blink my eyes to take my attention off of the
mesmeri!ing snowflakes, I found myself pressed against the airbag on the wheel.
I suddenly felt pressure in my brain, and then a rush of energy. I could see my car,
pressed down half of its real si!e. I saw the driver of the other vehicle, unconscious, in the %+*
crashed into the back seat of my car. (here were people on the side of the road, calling for help.
In the distance, I could see red and blue lights flickering, with a faint sound of sirens.
(hen it hit me again. (he pressure returned to my head, as if it thought it was missed, and
anxiety filled my body. 0y eyes opened and I was laying flat and alone in a hospital bed.
(hrough the glass windows, I could see Dylans parents crouched above his bruised and
bloody body, sobbing. I knew this couldnt be good. A nurse walked into my room and I heard
her gently say, "Im so sorry.$ 0y three best friends had died.
I opened my eyes and at that moment, a trillion thoughts filled my brain. 0y entire body
hesitated. 0y lips &uivered. I closed my eye and felt the steady stream of tears sprint down my
flushed face. I first felt sorrow and sadness, then the anger and guilt filled my body. I buried my
face in my hands and began to cry uncontrollably. (he therapist looked up at me from his paper
and pen and asked me to forgive myself. -onfused, I stopped crying and asked him, "how, 'ow
could I forgive myself, I was the one driving, I was the one who killed them, I am the one who
has to live with themselves being known as the girl who killed her three best friends.$ "It will
take time, and it wont be easy, but it is possible and we are in this together,$ he said. "(his is a
situation that anyone could have be in, and it ust happened to be you. 1es, you made a mistake
that you will regret, but you were not killed, you were given a second chance. 2o use that second
chance and live a great life for your friends.$ I took a deep breath and said, "youre right, I can
live for them.$
I walked outside and looked up at the sky and closed my eyes. 3or the first time in
months, the sun was out and I could feel the warm beams on my face. I took a deep breath and
felt a sense of relief that I had never thought I would ever feel. (here was a burst of energy and
life inside of me and I remembered what Kristy always used to tell me, "Dont forget to smile,
#eth, dont feel guilty all the time, because you are supposed to be living. 4augh because I am
here with you, and I can hear you, always$