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  • Matt Shirk: Want To Meet Me in My Private Offi Ce Shower?

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    Jeffrey Billman
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    MATT SHIRK Your phone buzzes. You pick it up – a text from the boss. Want to meet me in my private office shower? Uhhhh … That’s a little creepers. In August, former administrative assistant Tiffany Ice filed a lawsuit against her ex-boss, Fourth Judicial Circuit Public Defender Matt Shirk, accusing him of sexual harassment (he also allegedly sent her an electronic greeting card that said, “I think if we had sex there would be very minimal awkwardness afterwards,” which allegedly did not produce the desired result, and probably would have in fact produced maximum awkwardness) and of having his chief of staff fire her soon after Shirk’s wife caught wind of his naughty text messages and barged into the office to confront her (drama!). Shirk has admitted to sending “inappropriate” texts (though not the shower one) and “funny e-cards” to female subordinates, and he also raised some eyebrows hiring two women straight out of a night club; as the Times-Union so delicately put it, he and one of them “were perceived by some in the office to have an unusually close relationship.” Both of those women were canned in June 2013 along with Ice, and then two of the office’s investigators resigned in protest over how the women’s employment was handled. Now Shirk is being investigated by a grand jury, and his wife has filed for divorce. But hey – Matt’s still in office, and he’s still got that pretty face and that million-dollar smile that makes the ladies swoon (but not quite enough to jump in the shower with him, apparently). — Jeffrey C. Billman INSTRUCTIONS: Cut out mask. Make holes for eyes. Douse yourself liberally with cologne, unbutton that shirt collar a little more and give the ladies what you know they really want.

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    Matt Shirk

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    MATT SHIRK Your phone buzzes. You pick it up – a text from the boss. Want to meet me in my private office shower? Uhhhh … That’s a little creepers. In August, former administrative assistant Tiffany Ice filed a lawsuit against her ex-boss, Fourth Judicial Circuit Public Defender Matt Shirk, accusing him of sexual harassment (he also allegedly sent her an electronic greeting card that said, “I think if we had sex there would be very minimal awkwardness afterwards,” which allegedly did not produce the desired result, and probably would have in fact produced maximum awkwardness) and of having his chief of staff fire her soon after Shirk’s wife caught wind of his naughty text messages and barged into the office to confront her (drama!). Shirk has admitted to sending “inappropriate” texts (though not the shower one) and “funny e-cards” to female subordinates, and he also raised some eyebrows hiring two women straight out of a night club; as the Times-Union so delicately put it, he and one of them “were perceived by some in the office to have an unusually close relationship.” Both of those women were canned in June 2013 along with Ice, and then two of the office’s investigators resigned in protest over how the women’s employment was handled. Now Shirk is being investigated by a grand jury, and his wife has filed for divorce. But hey – Matt’s still in office, and he’s still got that pretty face and that million-dollar smile that makes the ladies swoon (but not quite enough to jump in the shower with him, apparently). — Jeffrey C. Billman INSTRUCTIONS: Cut out mask. Make holes for eyes. Douse yourself liberally with cologne, unbutton that shirt collar a little more and give the ladies what you know they really want.

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    38 views1 page

    Matt Shirk: Want To Meet Me in My Private Offi Ce Shower?

    Uploaded by

    Jeffrey Billman
    MATT SHIRK Your phone buzzes. You pick it up – a text from the boss. Want to meet me in my private office shower? Uhhhh … That’s a little creepers. In August, former administrative assistant Tiffany Ice filed a lawsuit against her ex-boss, Fourth Judicial Circuit Public Defender Matt Shirk, accusing him of sexual harassment (he also allegedly sent her an electronic greeting card that said, “I think if we had sex there would be very minimal awkwardness afterwards,” which allegedly did not produce the desired result, and probably would have in fact produced maximum awkwardness) and of having his chief of staff fire her soon after Shirk’s wife caught wind of his naughty text messages and barged into the office to confront her (drama!). Shirk has admitted to sending “inappropriate” texts (though not the shower one) and “funny e-cards” to female subordinates, and he also raised some eyebrows hiring two women straight out of a night club; as the Times-Union so delicately put it, he and one of them “were perceived by some in the office to have an unusually close relationship.” Both of those women were canned in June 2013 along with Ice, and then two of the office’s investigators resigned in protest over how the women’s employment was handled. Now Shirk is being investigated by a grand jury, and his wife has filed for divorce. But hey – Matt’s still in office, and he’s still got that pretty face and that million-dollar smile that makes the ladies swoon (but not quite enough to jump in the shower with him, apparently). — Jeffrey C. Billman INSTRUCTIONS: Cut out mask. Make holes for eyes. Douse yourself liberally with cologne, unbutton that shirt collar a little more and give the ladies what you know they really want.

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    OCT. 29-NOV. 4, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.

    com | 13
    INSTRUCTIONS:
    Cut out mask. Make holes
    for eyes. Douse yourself
    liberally with cologne,
    unbutton that shirt collar
    a little more and give the
    ladies what you know
    they really want.
    MATT SHIRK
    Your phone buzzes. You pick it up a text from the boss.
    Want to meet me in my private offce shower?
    Uhhhh Thats a little creepers.
    In August, former administrative assistant Tiffany Ice fled a lawsuit against her ex-
    boss, Fourth Judicial Circuit Public Defender Matt Shirk, accusing him of sexual harass-
    ment (he also allegedly sent her an electronic greeting card that said, I think if we had sex
    there would be very minimal awkwardness afterwards, which allegedly did not produce
    the desired result, and probably would have in fact produced maximum awkwardness)
    and of having his chief of staff fre her soon after Shirks wife caught wind of his
    naughty text messages and barged into the offce to confront her (drama!).
    Shirk has admitted to sending inappropriate texts (though not the
    shower one) and funny e-cards to female subordinates, and he also raised
    some eyebrows hiring two women straight out of a night club; as the Times-
    Union so delicately put it, he and one of them were perceived by some in
    the offce to have an unusually close relationship. Both of those women
    were canned in June 2013 along with Ice, and then two of the offces
    investigators resigned in protest over how the womens employment
    was handled.
    Now Shirk is being investigated by a grand jury, and his wife has
    fled for divorce. But hey Matts still in offce, and hes still got that
    pretty face and that million-dollar smile that makes the ladies swoon
    (but not quite enough to jump in the shower with him, apparently).
    Jeffrey C. Billman

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