Hailey Redding

Her Final Choice

Soldiers constantly march down the streets stirring up dust that never settles. No
one leaves their houses for hope of not being seen. Schools shut down and bussiness
close. Mother doesnt work. She just sits with my sister and I waiting for the ever
pressing knock on our door. Our city of Brandenburg is being ravaged by war. The
soldiers continue their march, we are too scared to leave our home. Then, the door is
nearly slammed in by the fist of a commander. Mother cries out and we bolt to our
rooms in fear as she approaches the door. I lean against the wall and hear every word
as they demand the first born child. Me, Lenora Hirsch. My father volunteered months
upon months ago in the hopes of keeping us from the war. Moments later, my mother
refuses. She tells them my father is already enlisted. Her small act of defiance could
cost her dearly and my eyes well with tears. I hear her body slam into the ground and
the soldier curse her to death. I step from my room head held high as tears stream

down my face. They dont notice me at first and I yell at them to stop my voice wavering.
They look at me and tell me if I don't shut up I will suffer the same fate. They expected a
man, not a girl, to be the first born. They dont know who I am, so I tell them I will go
with them if they let my mother go. Insolent girl! they say, we dont want you, a
weakling girl. We want your older brother, the first born! All I can respond is that I am
the oldest daughter, a boy was not gifted to my mother. I had no idea what I had just
done, I didnt know the pain it would cause me. They look at me with disbelief as my
mother screams for me to stop. The first soldier, the commander, steps to me and grabs
me by my hair, dragging me outside. Theres no time for goodbyes as I hear my
mothers wails from the open door.
2 Months Later
On April 19th, 1945 I arrive in Berlin, days after battle breaks out. Two months
after I was torn from my home. The sky is filled with smoke and the air tastes like blood,
choking me with every breath. They have enlisted me as a nurse though I have no
training or experience. There are girls here as many as 4 years younger than me. I
thought I was young at 18. We make our way into the city. An unusual silence rings in
the morning light. The soldiers who guard us as we make our way to our assigned post
look uneasy. Their eyes darting back and forth in what looks like carefully concealed
fear. A girl of 13 cries silently beside me. She is too young to be here, the same age as
my little sister. Herunterkommen yells one of our guards, I dont know the meaning of
his speech. The young girl grabs my arm and yanks me to the ground with surprising
strength. Gunshots suddenly pierce the hazy silence and I know I would have been
dead in seconds without the girl. The shooting does not cease as bullets rain down for
minutes, one of us slumps the rest of the way onto the hard dirt road and blood stains
the ground around her. A small clump of new spring grass is turned red. In that moment
I know that nothing will ever be the same again. I look up and see the soviet flag sewn
to the arm of one of the assassins. I identify with the Soviets, yet I am shot at for I was
recruited by the Germans. They dont know of my plea. I am disgusted by the German
cause, yet I will now be forced to heal their men. In that moment a plan forms in my
mind. I will help the Soviets within my position as a German nurse. As I make this
promise to myself I feel weaker than ever and my resolve waivers, Ive never
experienced death, my innocence may just be my downfall. How could I ever expect to
help.
The next day our tent was up, a giant red cross covered the opening flap and the
floor was already filled with injured men. Their groans of pain filled the air and were
inescapable. We were told to make them well enough to fight again as soon as
possible. Many were missing limbs, bullet wounds riddled their bodies. The fact that
they wanted these men to fight again was despicable. Every second my hatred for the
German leaders grew.

I heard a body collapse from across the small dusty tent, one of the other nurses
had fainted at the sight of an injury. I went over to help for everyone else stood frozen
staring. I didnt stop at the other girl but went to the man's side. The first thing I saw was
his face, he looked at me his eyes filled with such fear and pain that tears started to fill
my eyes. I tore my eyes away from his face and looked farther down his body, his
abdomen was ripped open, a bloody mass of internal injury. I felt my own blood rush
around and could feel what the girl at my feet had felt. But I did not collapse, I stared for
a moment unable to look away till my feet felt steady again. I knew nothing of how to
help, but some part of me screamed for me to clean the wound to evade infection yet I
knew it was probably too late.
No one had moved, still frozen in place like ice, without thinking for even a
second about it I asked someone to get a bucket of cold water, a clean rag, and some
solution to sanitize the man's bloody flesh. Everyone simply stood staring until a girl of
about 15 moved towards the objects I had asked for. She soon brought over a small
bucket of water and the rag, the amount of solution in the bottle she handed me was
much less than needed, I would just have to work with it. His eyes followed my every
move, he then told me his name was Vladimir and went totally silent. I exchanged my
own name, Lenora, and I silently accepted my task of helping the German Soldier.
I spilled the water as my hands shook and I started to clean his wound. I looked
at his face knowing what I was doing hurt tremendously and what I would do next would
hurt even more. Gritting my teeth I grabbed the cleaning solution. Pouring it onto an
already bloody cloth, I pressed it to his side. His screams filled the air with pain and I
realized my cheeks were wet with tears. My body felt weak, air rushing in and out of my
lungs with sobs. I couldnt do this. Blood filled my vision and then I felt a gentle hand
pulling the cloth from my hands. Our overseer, an older woman of maybe thirty had
returned. She smiled at me gently and commanded me to go lie down, the young girl
who had brought me the supplies gently tugged my arm and led me to an empty cot.
The last thing I saw was her gentle, childlike face.
My dreams overtook me, leading me back to my home in the warm dusk. There
was no war, no endless suffering, my mother rapped me in her warm arms and I felt
truly safe. That was when Vladimirs screams tore sleep from me, tore my mother away.
It had grown dark outside and storm clouds had gathered above. I could see the dark
forms of the other nurses laying in there places, probably fast asleep if not woken by the
same scream. Nurse Marx, our overseer, sat next to Vladimir trying to ease his ever
growing pain.
I walked over slowly How is he? I asked quietly.
She looked at me, her eyes showing sadness, Not good.. Infection has already set in.
I knew how bad what she said was but I didnt know what it would mean for him.
Hes not going to make it, is he? I whispered, questioning as if I really wanted the
answer.

She looked at me seriously, No, his wound is fatal. He probably wont survive the
night.
I just looked at her, it hadnt sunk in yet that we couldnt save everyone. War is a
brother to horror setting everyone up for catastrophe. I slowly walked over and placed a
cool wet cloth on his forehead in hopes to help relieve a bit of his raging fever but the
cloth was hot in less than a minute. I felt like crying and a single tear slipped down my
dusty face. Late into the night the man passed away in a fever induced sleep, there was
nothing anyone could have done yet I put all the blame on myself. Maybe if I had tried
harder, moved faster, I could have saved him. It was too late.
Almost a week later I was slowly getting better at being a nurse, worse than
anything though, I was slowly getting used to the constant death. The innocence I felt
was my weakness is slowly being torn away, however now I just want to hold onto it and
forget the horror I have witnessed. Today I saw a Soviet fall, he was shot, I started to
rush to him but Nurse Marx grabbed my arm and yanked me back.
You will be shot down, we can NOT help them, they are the enemy, She told me.
The concept was foreign to me, my mind couldnt wrap around it, we were
fighting them but as a nurse he was just another man, does he deserve to die anymore
than anyone else. The people we do help are hurt just the same yet we watch this man
die. I can still hear his moans as he lays there, hes still alive. I plan on bringing him
soup in the night while everyone sleeps, maybe he can help me help his side. Now I just
bide my time helping the other nurses in the tent, our supplies are greatly depleted.
Soon day falls into a murky dusk and the sun no longer lightens the city. Candles flicker
quietly as everyone falls asleep. Nurse Marx beds down last and falls asleep slowly,
soon her gentle snores fill the air and I slip out of bed into the cool air. I grab the small
package of food and bandages I prepared earlier from under my bed. I know the guards
outside of our tent have learned to sleep on their feet and probably arent awake. I peek
out into the night and see the shapes of the guards, I make a small noise and they dont
move. I slip out of the medical tent and slink across the open space towards the fallen
man. His groans of pain guided me through the night. I think he heard me approach and
got really quiet, I couldnt even hear him breathing.
Sir I whispered, Ive come to help, but you must not make a lot of noise
Who are you? he said back quietly with pain filling his voice.
My name is Lenora.
Are you part of the German force? he asked me with caution.
I have been stationed as a German nurse yet they do not have my faith I say, I have
come to help you but I need your help too.
What, do you want to escape or something? Hitler is ruthless, what could I possibly do
to help you? He responded with contempt.

I moved closer to him, and nelt on the ground not wanting to accidentally step on
him. I pulled out the bundle I carried with me and slowly reached out to him. Then I
realized he couldnt see the gesture and silently laugh at myself.
I brought you food, here. I said, and to answer your question, no, I do not plan on
escaping. I want to help the Soviets, but I need information.
Thank you for the food, though with the pain I dont believe I can keep it down. And I
dont know much, but I can share with you what I can. You must be very careful. You
seem awfully young, you shouldnt put yourself in more danger. He replied.
Theres pain medication within the soup. Some are too injured to swallow pills. I said,
And how would you know how old I am? I can take care of myself!
Im sure you can girl, but I can tell youre young simply because youre so willing to
help, if you were older you would run, save yourself. he says, However without youth
ambition would be lost, our world wouldnt continue. Someday people like you will end
our wars.
After that he continued to tell me Soviet information, different stations, officers to
transfer German info to. I dressed his wounds and after every detail he could give me
in such short time was given I slowly stood on stiff legs.
Thank you, you gave me a fighting chance, my prayers and hopes are with you
Lenora. He said before I walked away, My name is Gebhard
Thank you for the information, fight hard for me, you deserve to get home. I said and
began my walk back to the tent
His name in German meant gift and he was definitely a gift to me. I quietly
returned to my cot without notice and soon the sun was in the air. Another week passed
quickly in a blur and the battle raged on, this city could never be the same. So much has
been destroyed, gunshots constantly drilled through the air leaving not even a breath of
silence. Whether I am strong because of my experiences I dont know, however I will
never be the same little girl who was torn from her home months ago. Suddenly I heard
my named screamed from outside. I rushed to the door to see my sister rushing towards
me. She yelled my name again and then a single gunshot rang out, I watched her fall. I
was by her side in a matter of seconds, my nurse uniform kept me safe, but I was alone.
I screamed for help but no one would brave coming onto the battlefield, I cried holding
her in my arms. She looked up at me with watery tears filling her eyes.
Mother is dead, the house was destroyed by the war, Ive spent the last few weeks
searching for you. I love you Lenora, never forget that. She whispered struggling to
breath
Here she was, my 15 year old sister. Being so strong. Fighting death to be here
with me now. To tell me the fate of our mother. There was no look of betrayal in her
eyes as she knew I couldnt save her. She was so much stronger than I ever could be.
I love you too my darling flower, I am so sorry, I am so sorry! I wailed, my sobs coming
fast and my tears falling onto her bloodstained shirt.

Dont cry L, you have to be strong, youre the strongest person I have ever met. she
used her last breath to say those few words to me.
Nothing could save my heart now, it was shattered, torn from my chest. I couldnt
hold myself up. I fell to the ground soaked with my sisters blood, still holding her lifeless
form in my arms.
ITS NOT FAIR, ITS NOT FAIR NO NO No no I wailed as the sun set in blood red
colors.
I screamed until my voice broke, my cries filled the air as the clouds that had
gathered in the night cried with me. The rain was cold as ice but I didnt feel it, I couldnt
feel anything. I was numb to the entire world. I was barely aware of Nurse Marx
kneeling next to me, she tried to get me to come with her but I was frozen. After a while
she stood and walked away, moments later she returned with the youngest of the
guards that watched our tent. He gently lifted me up and my sister was left laying in the
rain. I barely even realized as I kicked and screamed trying to return to her. The man
carrying me held onto me through it all, he looked at me and slowly began the short trek
back to the tent. My body gave out and I lay limply crying in his arms. I didnt care if
anyone saw me like this, I couldnt contain the pain. I shut down. Blackness pulled at
me and I fell unconscious, the white roof of the tent was the last thing I saw.
Waking up I thought I was back home, in my bed, but then the cot beneath me
was too hard and I didnt understand. Then my eyes opened and I saw the endless
white of the tent roof and believed I was dead. Suddenly the memories washed over me
like ice water and everything inside of me froze, my sister, my mother, are dead. My
breath stopped, I felt like I was being strangled and a weird noise made its way from my
throat. It sounded like I was a dying animal. Nurse Marx was suddenly above me, her
face filling my vision. She smiled weakly down at me. In a way it was comforting, she
didnt tell me it was going to be ok, she knew it wasnt ok and might never be. My sister
is dead. Its time to get up, you need to eat and we need help around here. Come on
dear, we must keep moving. She said in a voice both strict and comforting
I couldnt find my voice, I just sat up and nearly fell over. Once I was steady she
brought me some food. Soup in a small metal cup with some bread. I liked Nurse Marx,
she didnt treat my like an injured dog, she treated me like she always did and I couldnt
be more grateful though I felt far from ok and normal. As soon as I was done eating she
rushed me to my feet and too a wounded man laying on his stomach. His back was
shredded with bullet wounds, blood everywhere around him. I wasnt the fragile little girl
that I was first coming here and I began to do what I knew I had too. I cleaned his
wounds as gently as I could and then dressed it with, semi clean, cotton strips. Then
anger overtook me, I saw the soldier that had killed my little sister, he was German. I
couldnt help such people, she was dead because of her. I felt my anger pooling and
spilling over like burning hot blood. Things went red with rage around me and I
collapsed to my knees in the rush of emotion. Then the red faded and I could think yet I

still felt the pool of anger inside of me. I knew I couldnt just sit by anymore, I would not
sit here healing the men who are fighting for wrong reasons. I would not lie passively in
my place anymore, I had nothing left to lose anymore.
I packed all of my things in dead silence while the other nurses worked tirelessly
on the wounded, not noticing my plight. The women around me are stronger than
anyone I have ever met, I will miss them but my decision is already made. I will leave.
Maybe Im crazy for I do not plan to run from the war. I plan to run to these soldiers
enemy, the people who have shot them down. Now I bide my time as night falls in a
crimson display of color, the same shade that my anger colors the world for me. The
women, the nurses, around me lay down for sleep, all but Nurse Marx. It was like she
knew, she watched me silently as I approached her in the growing darkness.
I can not stay. I think you already know that. So this is goodbye, I will be forever
grateful to you for you have saved my soul more than once from the blood of war. Live
long and well Mrs. Marx. I say with conviction, emotion spilling into my words.
Before she could answer me I hugged her and walked away. Grabbing my small
bag I turn to her only once, she has a small smile on her lips and a mothers trust in her
eyes. I turn away with that trust in my heart and made a run across the wide opening
from the tent to the closest building. I made my way through the murky city silently and
slowly relying on the darkness to hide me. Each street I ran across was a huge risk of
my life. I dont know how close I was as I made that fateful dash across a small
seemingly safe road. A single shot rang out in the frosty cold night. I was thrown to the
ground yet it felt like slow motion. I didnt feel any pain but my hands were suddenly
covered in my own hot blood. I was suddenly back in my home, warm mouthwatering
scents filled the air as my sister and I baked a cake, my mom laughing with us in our
kitchen, then everything went black. I guess your life does flash before your eyes as you
die.
...
Thus was the end of the short lived life of Lenora Hirsch. Little did she know that
when she made her final choice the war was days from ending, she didnt know of the
date but it was May 3rd, 1945 when she died at 11:54 in the night. The Battle of Berlin
ended on May 7th. Nurse Marx was a Soviet, helping send information to the other side,
she was Lenoras mothers sister, though that information was not known by anyone but
the two sisters. L, as her sister so dearly called her, helped many in the war but her
story, like many others, will be forgotten. She was a soldier of truth, stronger than most
with a heart that lives on though it no longer beats.