Page 1: [1] Comment [1]

Jake Wade

10/25/14 1:19 PM

In your introduction, the first and third paragraphs reflect each other very well. The
first paragraph foreshadows how you describe the paper in the third. It may work
even better though to swap the third and second paragraph so that they flow
together, then you state your biases before you begin. (Justin H)
In your introduction, you explain how the paper will explore the unproductive
management style of the company that makes it successful. I believe after reviewing
your entering the conversation portion, that the key points you make such as his fake
sales contest, reflects a more unique system and not so much chaotic. Maybe
rethink the words you use to tell us the papers topic. (Justin H)

Page 1: [2] Comment [2]

Jake Wade

10/25/14 1:20 PM

I really like how you began the second paragraph with Before I present my
paper to you, I must expose any potential biases I may have on the topic. I
think stating your bias on the topic is extremely helpful to the reader and
gives them an idea of what to expect for the content of your paper. I believe I
will add a similar statement to my paper! (Erin E.)

Page 1: [3] Comment [3]

Jake Wade

10/25/14 1:18 PM

In your third introductory paragraph you explain what specific parts of your
paper will be about, then reflect them later in paragraph form relating to the
key points. I feel that it may be overextensive since you havent finished your
entering the conversation portion, so by the time you would have there would
be a list of key points reflected that may seem cluttery. Maybe try to give
more basic ideas than that for explaining what your paper is about. (Justin H)

Page 1: [4] Comment [4]

Jake Wade

10/25/14 1:15 PM

I like your in depth description of The Office workplace. I thought you made
a good point saying Michael treats his employees like family. Your example
of Michaels fake sales races help support the point that even though Michael
is perhaps an unconventional manager, he gets the most out of his
employees (Tyler R.)

Page 1: [5] Comment [5]

Jake Wade

10/25/14 1:19 PM

I couldnt help but notice that you dont have any in-text citations for your Lit Review
section. It kind of makes it seem like youre just stating facts about the show that
you already know from watching it. Plus, Ashlyn wont like that. Im also a little bit
unclear about what your themes are within this section, because they all seem to
reflect the same idea, which isnt necessarily a bad thing. Just thought Id bring it
up. (Tyler)