A MOTHERS LOVE FOR HER SON

A mothers fight from homelessness/addiction to success

By Regis Bryant
Each day after work, Barbara, who works for the Department of Homeland Security, New
York State Emergency Management Team, would walk through Grand Central Station, in New
York City, on her way home with a few of her colleagues. Julian, her 17 year old son, who was
in his last year at the prestigious NYC Laboratory School for Collaborative Studies, would wait
for her near Zaros Bakery on the upper concourse. As she approached him, she saw out of the
corner of her eye, two familiar faces heading towards her, faces she hasnt seen in almost 2
years. She clutched Julians hand tightly, briskly walked through the concourse, Hurry up she
said, hoping the men wouldnt make eye contact with her, but it was too late. Barbara, they
yelled, Girl, where you been? We havent seen you in ages.
She abruptly said goodbye to her co-workers and tried to distance herself from the two
shabbily dressed men, pushing a small cart overflowing with trash bags filled with all their pitiful
possessions. Julian could see the fear in her eyes, they tried to speed away, but it was too late,
Sam and Gary had caught up with them before they could descend to the lower level trains. Her
embarrassment was evident as she quickly looked around to see if her co-workers were looking,
unfortunately they saw it all.
That was June 2011, almost 18 months have lapsed since she last saw Sam and Gary, her old
addict friends. From 2006 through 2009, Julian and Barbara, lived like nomads, moving from
shelter to shelter, temporary lodging, friends homes, and subways wherever she could find a
place that was safe, protected from the underworld she had fallen into. While she had a
permanent address in the Bronx for mail, there was no home address she could call her own I
wasnt brought up like this, this wasnt supposed to happen to me.

Born Sept. 14, 1956, she was raised by her mother, in a modest two story home in the
working class community of Mt. Vernon, about 20 minutes north of Manhattan. She would
recall every yard had beautiful flowers, manicured lawns, all with the same familiar aluminum
siding. She graduated from New Haven University, in 1977, with a Bachelors Degree in
Marketing and then New York University, in 1985, with a Masters Degree in Financial
Management. Her life was set, living at home with her mother, educated, after graduation she
landed a great job as executive administrative assistant with TriStar Pictures and eventually the
same position with Skadden and Arts, a legal firm dealing with international finances. Julian
came into her life, March 4, 1994, after a brief affair with one of her co-workers. As a young
child, she would take him and Nana, as Julian would call his grandmother, downtown to
TriStar Productions to see company viewings of movies such as The Natural, Godzilla and
The Mask of Zorro. Life was great she would recall, great money, working in Manhattan, I
was living large.
Late in 2002, Nana and Julian noticed slight changes in her, the beast as we later found
out was taking hold, the beast also goes by the name crack cocaine. She was coming home
from work late, making excuses, meetings were running late, she would have to Crunch more
numbers. Soon she was calling home saying she missed the last train and was going to spend
the night in Manhattan. They noticed her looking distant, agitated, losing weight, Smelled like
cigarettes and booze, Nana would say. Arguments started between them all, late hours, not
calling home, drastic changes in her appearance and behavior. Her fingernails, the whites of her
eyes, were changing color, almost yellow Julian recalled. She didnt seem to have money,
always asking Nana for a loan, items such as jewelry, appliances, his bus money for school, went

missing. The beast had its grips on her. Soon they found out she lost her job with Skadden and
Arts.
Nana was lying in bed watching Oprah, when she cried out for Julian, she was having a
massive heart attack, he held her closely, not knowing what to do, and she eventually died in his
arms. Barbara didnt know until the next day what had happened, Too busy networking was
her standard excuse. She soon slipped deeper and deeper into that black hole, the beast
tightening its grip on her. He didnt know what was going on, but at age 10, their lives were
about to drastically change.
The train ride home from Grand Central Station was quiet. Barbara said to him Relax, relax,
its okay, breath, they wont see us again, Sam and Gary again became distant memories. To
this day she would say that to him over and over again. As they rode on the train home, he
would rest his head on her shoulder, breathing deeply, eventually falling asleep until their stop in
White Plains. On the walk home to their apartment, they would just hold hands, nothing had to
be said, and they finally had their own home address.
Prior to her death, Nana had refinanced the house, which would help pay bills, go on
vacations and pay for Julians education, Momma knew about all the money Julian said.
Between Nanas modest life insurance policy, savings and home equity loans, she had almost
$172,000.
It was a blur, Julian would say, people were coming in and out of the house, old co-workers,
people he didnt know, her high school friends, Sam her old boyfriend, another dependent of the
beast. By 2006, the house was a wreck, dirty clothes, broken windows, crack vials all over the
place, the beast was alive and well. He would hide in the shadows unnoticed, go to school, come
home and lock his door. He didnt recognize her anymore, he tried to talk to her, bring her food,

call to family friends to intervene, she was too far over the edge, she had become the beast. Sept.
2006, the eviction notice came from Chase Manhattan Bank. They were out in the streets by
December, one of the coldest winters in recent years.
She would later tell her friends at Homeland Security You dont know how far you have
fallen until you think you hit rock bottom, and then you fall even deeper. She would reveal to
her closest friends and co-worker Sherree, While friends and family wanted to keep Julian,
nobody wanted me to stay with them, I was a real mess. She had lost her house, had no job, no
money to speak of, and was on public assistance, no car, only a shopping cart that carried their
belongings, moving from shelter to shelter, temporary living facilities and friends homes for a
few days. Sometimes they would ride the subways to stay cool in the summer or warm in the
winters, but there were too many crazies as Julian would say living down there.
They moved between shelters in the Bronx, Manhattan and Brooklyn, some good, some
bad The shelters in Brooklyn were dangerous, too many thefts, more drugs and fights she said.
Winters were the worse, she would need to get into the shelter line by 6:00 p.m., many times
enduring sub-zero temperatures, to make sure they would have a place at the good shelter for the
night, this had to be done every day, no reservations allowed. Keeping a mailing address at my
cousins house in the Bronx was a Godsend she stated, People at least thought we had a home,
I could get my checks, plus it helped keep her son in quality schools, a priority for both of them.
She was determined not to lose him to Social Services.
Soon she found temporary residence with NY Department of Housing and Urban
Development. It was a renewable six month lease for battered women and children. Sam was
physically beating me nearly every day she would say, there were no men allowed in, near or
around these facilities. Julian remembered, Each night she would attend mandatory drug

intervention meetings. Meetings consist of random drug tests, and curfews were all part of the
program if you wanted to stay, she never missed one, plus Sam wasnt here anymore, he was
too mean, Julian said. The beast was losing its grip.
Barbara plans to meet Julian, after his arrival from Pittsburgh, where he is a sophomore at the
University of Pittsburgh. Sherree and Helen, two of her co-workers from Homeland Security
plan to have lunch with them at the Oyster Bar and Restaurant, Barbaras treat. After eating,
its the train ride to White Plains, Julian resting his head on his mothers shoulder, looking
forward to sleeping in his bed.