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Russia D. Moore
Professor Dabian T. Witherspoon
English 102-01
26 November 2014
The Truth behind the Smile

The harshest words to say, hear, do, or be a victim of is rape. Every two minutes, a
person is sexually assaulted. 237,868 people that are victims of rape or sexually assaulted are the
ages of 12 years old or older. All of the anger and rage build up can push someone to the edge of
insanity. I know youre asking, How does she know so much about rape or Why does she
care? I am a victim of rape. It is the worst thing that could ever happen to someone you love or
care about. I know the feeling of rage and wanting to hurt or even kill the person who hurt you in
such a way where it feels as if the internal scars will never heal; but this is what made me into
the powerful person I am today.
In 2010, during ninth grade year, I was only fourteen years old. I took the Drama I class
at Lancaster High School. It was a great class, and everything was going well until, one day one
of my classmates and I was sitting in the auditorium waiting for class to be over. After the bell
rang the lights were cut off, and we started to leave. As everyone left, he grabbed my arm and
pulled me back. I asked him what he was doing, and he started kissing and touching me. I kept
telling him to stop, move, and leave me alone. Then, he gripped my pants where my belt was and
wouldnt let go. I started pushing him away but his grip was so tight he took my belt unloose and
at this time Im screaming, Leave me alone and move." Then, he stepped behind me and pushed
me back and made me fall put all his body weight on me; since he was 62 and I was 53, I

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couldnt move. I tried to squirm, but it seemed as if he got heavier. What happens next is so
painful that I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. The pain of him putting himself inside of me
while I tried to fight it made tears come to my eyes; I felt disgusting and just nasty inside and
out. After he was finished, I just got up, got my things and left. The last thing I heard him say
was Aye, dont tell nobody ight. As soon as I left, I went to the bathroom trying to get his
scent off of me and it was as if he was still on top of me. I went to lunch crying. My friends
asked me where I had been and what was wrong with me. I told them what happened, and they
rushed me to Mrs. Witherspoons room. She was my choir director, and I was very close to her.
When I told her what happened then she called Dr. Keenan and Mrs. Mood, my principal.
When they called my mom, I was in Mrs. Moods office with Officer Burr, Mr. Pringle,
and a counselor. And no one was saying anything to me until my mom got there. Even then I was
crying so hysterically I couldnt even speak, and when I did speak it was so mumbled that no one
could understand me. All hell broke loose when my dad got there. The administrator and he were
going back and forth. They were getting so worked up Mrs. Mood had to make them stop.
Officer Burr made a call to the childrens hospital in Columbia and said that they were waiting
on me and they will take good care of me. My mom, dad, and I rode in my dads car to
Columbia. The only thing I remember on that ride is my mom saying, Its ok baby. Just go to
sleep. When I woke up it was raining and we were almost at the hospital. My parents asked me
if I was I okay, and I said Yeah Im okay. We walked in. I remember the waiting room. There
was a huge fish tank, the lights were turned down low, and Disney Channel music was on. A
couple of minutes later, a nurse came up and called my name. When I walked back she led me
into an all glass room with curtains and she said, Lay down and relax. The doctor will be in here
in a minute. While in the room, what made me feel relaxed was that my favorite movie The

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Princess and the Frog was on and the thing that helped me the most through this time was
Neyos song at the end Best Thing I Never Knew. Most people would ask, How did that
help? Thats crazy! To me it helped because it made me feel okay. It just made me truly calm
down and clear my mind, and even to this day Ill listen to it just to relax. There isnt a deep
meaning behind the song, but it helps. Fifteen minutes later, the doctor came in.
When she came in she said, Hi missy, are you Russia?
Yes maam, I replied.
Hi. Im the doctor that will examine you. Then, she turned to my parents and asked
Are you her parents?
Yes we are, my parents said.
What is going to happen is that I am going to examine Russia and going to see how
everything looks and well go from there. Ok?
They said Ok.
In my mind Im asking myself how is she supposed to examine me because shes not
going down there? Another nurse came in and said, Ok, Russia, if you and your mom can
follow me, Ill show you to the examining room. So my mom and I followed her.
Now, if you can take off all your clothes and put each thing in its own bag, then put this
nursing gown. Ok? she said
Ok, I replied
I remember taking off my favorite purple Aeropostale with the word Areo in white letters
across the front into one bag. Then taking off my favorite white tile belt that said, Only God
Can Judge Me and putting it into another bag. I put my favorite dark blue skinny jeans, and my
underwear and socks into the last bag. My mom said, I know thats your favorite outfit to wear

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baby, but you wouldnt get it back because its evidence. After I was undressed I put on the
gown and sat on the cold table and waited for the doctor to come in. A couple minutes passed
and the doctor came in and asked Ok sweetie are you cold? I nodded as if my lips froze
together then she reached into a little cabinet and pull out a blanket and laid it across me. She
pulled these two bars from under the table that looked like I was about to give birth. I was
looking at her like she was crazy. Then she told me to put my feet into the holders and open my
legs. Im scared; I grabbed and held my mommas hand and asked what was she was doing, and
she said its going to hurt but shes going to have to look and see how bad it is. Then I started to
tear up as she started to feel and touch me; it hurt so bad. The doctor said that she wouldnt take
too long because she could tell that I was in so much pain. She took so many pictures then she
took pictures of my arms because I had bruises on them from him pulling on me. When she was
finally done, I was so relieved. After that she, told me to come into her office and answer some
questions while my momma went and got me some more clothes. She gave me so many
medications and took blood to make sure I didnt have any STDs.
When my momma came back I was so out of it I cant even remember what it was. That
whole week was such a blur. I didnt even go back to school that whole week. My principle
asked if I wanted to go to another school I said No sir thank you. He said if I ever want to go to
another school he wouldnt have any hesitation on helping me go. For that whole week I didnt
go anywhere or do anything I had slipped into a small depression knowing that it was going to be
hell that next week. I was so terrified to go out because I thought I would see him. That next
week was a living hell. If you ever want to know how hell is ask me I will let you know. I was
called everything from a slut, tramp, stank ass hoe, bitch, dog, everything except my
name or a child of God. The heartache and pain collided the anger, fear, and hate, is a fatal

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combination. Wanting to hurt, strangle, or even kill someone is something most people wouldnt
think about. Then being scared of him makes it ten times harder to forgive him. I was so scared
that I was even to afraid to go inside of Walmart. Lancaster is such a small town that everyone
goes into Walmart to hang out. I would just stay in the car and even then I would try to go to
sleep so I wouldnt have any chance of seeing him, but the bad thing is no one told me that you
cant run away from your dreams and thoughts; being tormented in my everyday life and also in
my dreams was so hard to balance I didnt know what to do. This was a point in my life the only
thing I could do was pray. From day to day I was being talked about; rumors were spread about
me and then I had to take it all in. I started to think of ways to kill myself and always wanting to
die is not good, plus killing everyone that talked about me and the person that hurt me and put
me into this position in my life. I didnt want to do anything or speak to anyone. I cried myself to
sleep some nights; I even slept in my moms room a couple of times because I was scared.
Fear appears little bit every now and again, but I moved into rage and anger. I finally was
able to go in Walmart and if I had seen him I would hit him over the head with a can or
something I had close by. If I had seen him on the street I think I would have hit him with my car
and would just go back and forth until he was flat as the concrete. Then, I would keep going until
I crushed him into small bits and into the smallest particles. So much anger is contained in these
words I write that its making me angry all over again. I have a strong woman in my life who
helped me through this and that is my mom. I think that since she saw all the anger, she enrolled
me in a karate class and took me to see a counselor. The anger lasted for a whole year until I
learned how to forgive and not to forget. And now Im getting back to myself, saying, Yeah
people are still making jokes and talking about me and it still hurts but I just have to try harder
and harder not to make a conversation go that way or if I see that its going there I just leave or

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just not pay attention. I remember what my mom said: Russia once people start to see that you
dont care theyre going start to say oh well that guns out of ammo, might as well leave her
alone.
I have learned that when the devil comes into your life the only thing you need to do is to
go down on your knees and pray to God to help you through. This has made me into the person I
am now because now I know that I have overcome a huge obstacle in my life. I am a warrior. I
am outspoken, confident, as strong as an ox, and can do whatever I put my mind to. I am a
beautiful, intelligent, bright young lady. I smile all the time now; and at first you could only see
the hurt in my eyes never smiling or grinning. And now Im cheeseing all day because I know
that I am blessed and have so much joy in my life.