Dariana M.

Gonzalez Aviles
Profesor Ellen Pratt
English class
Not on, but two valuable lessons
I remember like today; on a summer night I was driving on my way to eat with my
boyfriend. Everything seemed okay; we eat and had a good time. I decide to leave because
it was getting shadowy and I had to be at my house early. On my way back home there was
no traffic and the traffic lights were all green. From the distance I saw that the traffic lights
were all green, so I possessed driving but when I got closer and was about to cross the
traffic light a car appeared from no wear. I try to decelerate the car as fast as I could, but it
was too late I already smashed the car. In that moment I felt dizzy like my car just enter on
a twister, I could saw from the distance how the other car was going on circles. I thought
about to go out and see the damage of the car, but I wasn't brave enough to see the
distraction on my poor car. When I was about to move the car from the middle of the street
I notice that I couldnt move it and in that very moment I stared to panic. Many cars were
getting closer and my car was standing in the middle of the street; could get hit by another
car again. I call my boyfriend and he got there as fast as he could. When he got there he
tried to move the car but he couldnt, in that moment a man that past us by park his car in
the distance and stared walking tours my car. He walks from the distant and got closer to us
and I got really nervous. When he got to my car he said, Do you guys need help? thanks
to him we codded move the static car from the middles of the streets. Still my nightmare
wasn't over because I had to call my parents and tell them what just happened. I call my
mom; my hands were shaking like an earthquake and you could notice that something bad
had happened to me because of my sadly voice. When she answers the phone I stared

crying and the only words that came out of my mouth were "I hit a car". She stared asking
many questions that I couldnt answer like" Are you okay? Did someone got hurt" "Where
are you? I could only tell her that I went to the police station. We went to the police station
with the man that I hit. He was a mysterious man that I could barely look into his face, he
had a big scar in his face that scared me, his voice was deep and rough, I could tell from his
appearance that he wasn't a good man and because of his look I knew that he will tell the
police officer that it was my fault. He looked like he was on a hurry and went first with the
police officer to answer some questions. When I enter to the office I felt really nervous
because I knew that they were going to ask me a lot of questions. My boyfriend notice that
I could barely talk and that my body look like an earthquake, so he decide to answers all the
questions. As soon as he ended answering, my mom arrived to the police station and in that
very moment the police officer told us that it wasn't my fault because the man didnt saw
the red light and cross the street. I felt relief because of it but at the same time I felt bad
because I thought that that man was a bad person, I judge him from his appearance, how
he look like an dark and mysterious man he result to be a good person. He admits that it
was his fault and thanks to him my mom didn't kill me. I started to get calm because I knew
that my mom wasn't going to grounded me because it wasn't my fault. The police officer
stops asking questions and told us that we could live. Finally we left and in that very
moment I took a deep breath and drove my way back home with my sister. I started
thinking that if I had left the restaurant earlier none of this would have happened. Then I
thought maybe everything happens for a reason. I passed through my first car accident,
that maybe it was a step in my life that I needed to past, the worst part was that I judged
that man wrongly because of his appearance. I learned not one, but two valuable lessons.

Eduardo Carril Nieves

Peer Review for Narrative (From Axelrod and Coopers Concise Guide to Writing,
Bedford/St. Martins 2009)
Use these questions to peer review your peers narrative.
1. Read for a first impression. Begin by reading the story quickly to get a sense of what it is
about and to have a sense of its significance. Describe your first impression here.
-My first impression of the story was shocking because I did not expect in any moment she
would have a car accident.

2. Analyze the effectiveness of the storytelling. Review the story looking at the way the
suspense builds and resolves itself. Point to places where the drama loses intensity, where
action verbs are needed, where narrative transitions would help, or where dialogue could be
added to dramatize the interactions.
- I thing that the drama and suspense is very good because it really makes you keep reading.
Maybe you could try to do some dialogue in some parts like when she call her mom, or her
boyfriend or maybe the sir that came to help her.

3. Consider how well the places and people are described. Point out descriptive details,
similes, metaphors that are effective. Note any places or people that need more specific
detail and description. Give specific examples.
-she could try to describe how the car was after the crash, or the impression of her mother
when she told her that she had a car accident.

4. Is the autobiographical significance clear? Explain what you believe makes this story
significant. Point to a place in the draft where the writer could make it clearer.
- Well is significant because some people when is late ignores the traffic light and there is
when most of the car accident occurs.

5. Analyze the organization of the essay. How does it begin? Does it make you want to read
more? What can the author do to make it more exciting? Look at the ending. Is the story
resolved too easily? Is there a moral that should not be there? Make suggestions for a better
ending.
-I think that the organization is very good because it has a logical order. It really makes you
keep reading most of the story. The author could try to give us some details and some
description to have a clearer image of the setting. The story is resolve very good. I really
thing that it ends is very nice like it shows.

6. Give the writer your final thoughts. Where does the writer need to do more work?
Well she can try to do the dialogues and give some more description to gave us a more
clear view of the setting.