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Brooks Barden
Ms. Agosta
Comment [R1]: Excellent MLA

UWRT 1102-016
17 August 2014
A Football Identity
The game of football has had an impact on my life since the day I came into this world. It
has affected my lifestyle and everything about it and will continue to do so until the day that I
die. My identity is viewed as a football player. All of my life, I have been surrounded by the
game of football. My dad has been a high school football coach for 30 years. He got his first
head coaching job the same year that I was born. Everybody around our family just knew that my
brother and I were destined to live a life full of football. I began playing on an actual team when
I turned 5, although I had been playing the previous 4 years before whether it was in the back
yard or out on the field at the high school. My dad has been a high school head football coach
since I was born and turned into a very successful one, so I really had a strong passion for the
game at a very early age. This game has taught me things that cant be learned anywhere else. As
much as I have put into football, it has given me many things in return. Throughout my life, this
game has and will continue to evolve and develop my identity.
The game of football is much more than just a game to me. It is not just about the actual
competition vs. an opponent. It is not just the practice that goes along with that. There is much
more about it that plays a role in my life. It is an everyday grind to get up and get better each and
every day. My role through football affects the choices I make and the actions that I take. There
are many things that I have to do and there are also many things that I cannot do because of the

Comment [R2]: Some kids feel a lot of pressure

from this, but it seems that you see it as something
that was just instantaneously a part of you.
Comment [R3]: I know this isnt a photo essay,
but I think an image of you as a baby/toddler
playing football or being associated with football
would really drive this home. Mostly because some
readers would have a hard time understanding how
ingrained it was that early in life.
Comment [R4]: This intro gets across a lot of
ideas, and perhaps starting with one, developing it,
and then listing the rest would give the reader a
chance to dig in.
Right now you have it as:
Football started day 1 of life.
Affected you and your identity.
Viewed as football player
Surrounded by game dad a coach
Played on a team at 5
Dad was head football coach
Game taught you
You gave to game and received from it
I wonder if starting with the history of your family
and developing what ways you were experience
football as a toddler/kid would be helpful before
getting into statements about how football affects
your identity. All of the information you provided is
needed and useful, but because they are short lines,
they feel underdeveloped, and spending more time
with them would enhance the essay.
Comment [R5]: I like how you describe here
what it means to you.
Comment [R6]: A way of living

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position that I am in. Football is similar to a job in a way that it takes so much time and work put
in to earn your payday. In high school, one of my coaches always told us, Put it in Monday
through Thursday and youll get paid on Friday night. Game day is considered to be my pay day
that has been earned through all the hard work in the offseason and the practices throughout the
week during the season. There is no better feeling than being out on the field on a Friday night
especially when you know youve prepared and put it all in so you can cash out.
As I mentioned before, the game of football has given me many things in my life. It has

Comment [R7]: I can relate to this in a small

sense with marching band of all things. We had to
practice, work, memorize, etc, to have a smooth
show at competitions. If we were lax, it inevitably
came back to our overall performance.

blessed me with many opportunities, awards, and relationships. Im not the type of person who

Comment [R8]: Did it teach you to be humble?

likes to even share or boast about my achievements and recognitions. The summer before my
junior year, my team received an opportunity to travel to the IMG Academy and participate in
the IMG National 7 on 7 tournament. Our trip was all expense paid by Cam Newton and we
developed a relationship with him and were able to hang out and hear from him every day while

Comment [R9]: wow

were there. The very next summer, I was selected to be on his 7 on 7 all-star team that would fly
back to IMG and compete in the club level National 7 on 7 tournament. He provided us with his
very own cleats, book bags, shirts, and various other things. These are just a few of the many
things that the game of football has given me in return for all the work and dedication that has
been put in since I was a child. The greatest return of them all is one that not many athletes
receive. I was blessed with a football scholarship and an opportunity to be a part of a new
tradition here at UNC Charlotte. That is one where you can really see how proud your family and
friends are of you to see that all that youve been through had a purpose all along.
Obviously your parents teach you manners and other things similar to that as you grow
older. You also learn many things that you can apply to yourself and the way you view things or
go about your business. Growing up under the roof of a coach has really had a strong impact on

Comment [R10]: nice dedication and skill led

you to new opportunities.

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the development of my identity. It was important to my father to teach me character and great
moral values. He has always pushed me on and off the field to be the best player that I can be,

Comment [R11]: I definitely have to imagine

that it affects parenting and relationship with your
dad.

but he has also pushed me to be an even better person. Almost every thought that runs through
my mind or situation that happens around me is something football related. My situation as a
player was a little bit different than the others. My father really pushed me to be great and
pushed me more than others at times. Many nights at home were spent in the living room going

Comment [R12]: So you had additional

attention and drive. Im guessing this led to a close
relationship. Its obvious that you attribute much of
your morals and work ethic to this raising and team
dynamics.

over plays or a game plan on a white dry erase board especially during the season. Although I
loved that time that we spent together talking about something we both have such a strong
passion for, there were few times where it was too much.
Everyone always says a coachs son has advantages and gets things handed to them.
People assume that you will play or are playing because your father is the coach. I agree with
that first statement to a certain extent. I do believe I had advantages and perks being the son of
my coach. I was able to be taught the game and learn so many things from him. I got to go home
and spend time going over the game plan and talk about how we were going to attack other
teams each week. I was able to get that extra work whether it was just he and I in the gym or on
the field throwing together or in the weight room or film room getting some kind of extra work. I
also liked getting all the cool gear as I grew up. I could always get clothes or something that the
players or the coaches got.
My entire life has been inspired by the game of football. It has really molded and shaped
my identity and made me the person that I am today. Not only the game but the relationships and
lessons learned along the way played a big part in this development. I will forever be tied to this
game and it will always be a huge part of my life.

Comment [R13]: What about the second part?

The assumptions?
Comment [R14]: The ending felt a bit rushed. I
think going on to discuss those assumptions and
picking football for yourself would have been a
stronger ending. How do you feel about the ending.
Do you feel like you were able to express how this
affected who you are now?
Overall, very strong written piece. The beginning
and ending seemed to not have as strong of a track
as the body of your essay, and perhaps they needed
more focus of what you wanted to accomplish
there. This might become a goal for yourself with
the genre piece making the whole piece focused.
Thank you for sharing your story with me.