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Pleasereadthroughthisessayand,usingthecolorcodebelow,highlightthesepiecesofagood
paragraphthatappearinmyessaywiththeirrespectivecolor.Afterward,haveaconversation
withmeaboutthetalkingpointsalsolistedbelow.Thankyouforyourtime!
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ColorKey
Topicsentences/mainpoints
Summarystatements
Explanation
Analysis(includingthesis)
SupportingDetails

Whatpatternsdoyounoticewhenyoulookatthecolorvariations?Doesyouressay
containtoomuchsummary(blue)andnotenoughanalysis(green)?

Didyouprovidesufficientandeffectivesupportingdetailsorquotations(yellow)fora
topicsentenceormainpoint(blueandpurple)?

Arethedifferentcolorsbalancedthroughoutyouressay?Doesanyonecolor
predominate?Isanycolorabsent?

Doesthecolorcodingrevealanystrengthsorweaknessesofyouressay?Howcouldyou
reviseyouressaytomakeitmoreeffective?

title:OfMice,Men,andtheAmericanDream
intro:
grabber:TheGreatGatsby
thesis:CharacterssearchfortheunreachableAmericandream
reasons:unfairsociety,racesuperiority,malesuperiority
body1:
subthesis:Womendidnothavetherespectofsocietytheywereonlyvaluedfor
housework
example:curlyswifedreamtofbeingamoviestar
evidence:pg88
body2:
subthesis:africanamericanswereexcludedfromtheamericandream
example:crooksstrikesupafriendshipwlennieandofferstobeagardeneroftheirpiece
oflandwhentheygetit

evidence:pg74pg76
body3:
subthesis:societywasunfairtherichtookadvantageofthepoor
example:georgeandlenniedreamofowningtheirownlandwashack,garden,and
rabbits.
evidence:pg13
concession:georgegivesupwhenlenniedies.nothavinglenniewouldgethimcloserto
thedream
conclusion:

LennieisthemostlonelycharacterinOfMiceandMen.

Lennielivesinaworldapartfromothersbecausehedoesntunderstandthem.

Lennieisevendistantfromhisbestfriend,George,becauseheisconstantlydisappointing
him.

Lennieiscompletelyalienatedfromhimself.

ClaiborneEarles
August27,2014
C.Wellen

OfMice,Men,andtheAmericanDream

IfyouarenotfamiliarwithOfMiceandMen,thenyousurelyhaveheardofTheGreat
GatsbyandthepopularcharacterJayGatsby.Jayischarming,wealthy,mysterious,andnearing
theAmericanDream.Helacks,however,theloveofhislife.Whateverhedoes,Jaycannotgain
theabsoluteAmericanDreamduetomanyobstacles.LikeF.ScottFitzgerald,JohnSteinbeck
carriestheideaofsearchingfortheunreachableAmericanDream.CharacterssuchasCurley's
wife,Crooks,andGeorgearepawnstothehindrancesofmalesuperiority,racialsupremacism,
andandagreedysociety.TheGreatDepressionsetsthesceneforthetrialsthattheSteinbecks
castmustendure.
Theroleofthewomanwastoquietlykeepthehouseclean,raisechildren,andalwaysbe
submissivetothehusband.Theundervaluingofthefemaledousedanysparkofherdreamto
liverichandfamous.Curlyswifewasvictimtothiswhenastrangerofferedherachancetobea
Hollywoodstar.Sheopensupwhenshetellsheraudience,NothertimeImetaguy,anhe
wasinpitchersSaysIwasanatural.SoonshegotbacktoHollywoodhewasgonnawriteto
meaboutitInevergotthatletter(88,Steinbeck).Thecolddisappointmentofnotreceiving
thelettermadeherresorttomarryingCurleyandbeingsubjecttohisruthlessabuse.Shebecame
captivetothemanandremainedthethingthatcleansthehouseanddoeseverythingtoplease
him.CurleyswifewasoppressedbymaledominancebutCrookswasoppressedbyracial
dominance.
TheAfricanAmericanhadnotyetescapedtheexclusionofthewhiteman'ssuperior
attitudeandCrooksisaprimeexample.WhitementookadvantageofAfricanAmericansfor
cheaplaborandoftentreatedthemliketools.Crooksunderstandsthathewillneverbeableto
experiencetheAmericanDreambecausehehasseenHunderdsofthem[men].Theycome,

antheyquitangoonaneverydamnoneofemsgotalittlepieceoflandinhishead.An
neveraGoddamnoneofemgetsit(74).Hehasalittlebitofhope,butinsteadheturnstohis
bookstokeephimcompanyandtogivehimmeaning.Crooksconditionwithwhite
supremacismcloselyreflectsGeorgesrelationshipwithhighclasssociety.
AlthoughGeorgeneverhasatiewithapersonofwealth,hehasbeenenslavedbyanunfair
societythatallowstherichtocontroltheeconomy.Georgedreamsofowningabitoflandtolive
andtakecareof.Hisconflicthowever,isbeingalowwagelaborerbeingtakenadvantageof
duringtheGreatDepression.Georgehastakentomovingaroundfromjobtojobminimumpay
tominimumpay,withonlyasmallhopeforhisfarm.Hispovertyisevidentwhenhecomplains
abouttheburlapsackofstrawthatwasamattress(18).Georgeiscaughtinthepitofpoverty
andhishopeoftheAmericanDreamseemstangibletoonlytherichandfortunate.
JohnSteinbeckclearlydoesnotbelieveintheAmericanDream.Hechallengeshis
audiencetoreevaluatetheirdreamsandprioritizetheirgoals.Obstaclesofallsortsareboundto
preventanyonefromobtainingtheultimateAmericanDream.Haveyoueverbelievedinthe
AmericanDream?Doesthismakeyoureconsideryourpathoftravelorevenchangeyouridea
aboutreachablegoals?

Wonderfully done! Your paragraphs are fluent and flow con harmonia! You have true
supporting details. And at first, I thought that mentioning The Great Gatsby wasnt the
best idea, but, you changed my mind once I read the rest of the essay. You make your points
very clear and easy to understand. I enjoyed reading this, and hope to read more. Know that
Im not just trying to be nice when I say this: I think that if I were a professor, Id give you

an A+++. Any grade lower would be ridiculous. By the way, I saw your background of your
laptop. You go girl!!