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Antony Parada Porron

Professor Batty
English 114A
10 December 2014
Revision: Progression B
In this essay there were again many grammar errors such as comma splices, incorrect
sentence structures, and awkward statements. I decided to first correct the grammar errors that
my professor helped me locate such as the comma splices in the first paragraph. I also named
Mike Keefe and Brent Staples early in the first paragraph but did not say who they were exactly.
And later in the first paragraph I was not being specific enough about how Mike Keefe political
cartoon was a bold move so I added that with his drawing he is spreading awareness of racial
profiling. In the third paragraph when I was discussing Bren Staples article Black Men and
Public Spaces I stated that the women think he is a mugger because he is black what else could
it be. But after reading this part over again I can see how this statement made some people feel
unconformable so I revised it to only stating about how he was not wearing anything that
resembles a mugger.
I also had a few fragments sentences which I believe I corrected. But I could see that
some of my ideas were too broad but I believe my thoughts about racial profiling are still well
represented in this essay.

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Works Cited
AuthorLastName, FirstName. Title of the Book Being Referenced. City Name: Name of
Publisher, Year. Type of Medium (e.g. Print).
LastName, First, Middle. "Article Title." Journal Title (Year): Pages From - To. Print.