Essay B Reflection

In my essay Protected by Enemies, the central argument is police brutality

against African Americans being a rising conflict. By using a political cartoon displaying
this issue, I analyzed it and broke down how it is something that needs to be stopped. I
analyzed the seriousness and consequences of police brutality. In my original essay I was
very descriptive, organized and analytical, however I did suffer from diction errors. This
was due to failure to proofread and edit thoroughly. My goal for the revision of the essay
was to fix awkward sentences, strengthen my counterargument and to rearrange sentences
to express a clearer and stronger message.
In order to complete these tasks, I read my essay out loud which helped a great
deal because I was able to point out obvious flaws and I received advice from others. I
mostly took out awkward sentences, put in better ones and fixed my choice of words. For
the Salisbury police department paragraph, I analyzed the image more and further
thought about what negative feelings African Americans within that community more
than likely have and incorporated that into my essay, which strengthened my argument. I
elongated my conclusion, by adding my opinion of what needs to be done in order for
this situation to stop. I stated what I felt need to happen within the police departments and
changes that needed to be made before being able to become a police officer because
essentially, the police are the problem; not the innocent African Americans.