Edit These Sentences

Directions: Eliminate the wordiness in the sentences. Write clear, concise prose. When
passive voice may make the subject of the sentence unclear, feel to make up a subject
consistent with your interpretation of the sentence. While you may mark this paper, your
edited sentences need to be on separate sheet of paper.
1. Furthermore, the commitment of the characters to the ones to who they were attracted
was essentially nonexistent.
2. In addition, it is apparent to me, that among the wealthy, and especially in the 1920s,
marriage was based very little on true love, but rather looked upon as a business
agreement endured in order to attain more money, power, and social status.
3. Myrnas flirtatiousness was extremely flagrant, yet Peter never seemed to recognize it.
4. He even had his neighbor and friend, Michael, to help arrange it so that David and
Mary could be at the same place at the same time, without Marys husband being present.
5. This is made obvious because of the fact that adultery is grossly committed several
times by various individuals.
6. Perhaps this can be seen by the fact that she couldnt wait for David to shape her life
with love and in the meantime married Walter who could shape her life with money.
7. Without a doubt, all of the evidence in the book points to the conclusion that states the
relationship was obviously ill-fated from the beginning.
8. The book describes to the readers of Myrnas desire to live a lavishly indulgent life and
to be able to have all she wants.
9. It wasnt until a little later that it was realized that Mary was Davids true love.
10. The struggle to obtain money and riches as well as the acceptable status that goes
with an established family seems to greatly interfere with whatever love does appear in
this novel.
11. Toms having an affair and her playing with the idea of herself having an affair gave
nothing towards strengthening their marriage or its honesty.
12. Mary became insecure after the departure of David from her life.