TheSmiler

TheWritersofthisscript:
NatalieNovella,AdrianneSantaRomana,HannaNopar,RobertYahne

*NOTE:Anythinginredisoptional.Doesnthavetobeinscript*

MainCharacters
ETHANQUIMBYA27yearold,malepatient,isemittedintoamental
institution.2splitpersonalitiesNice,friendly,andlovedbyothersandis
themaincharacteraswellaspartoftheduoofdetectives(EthanandSteve)
Insanesociopath(Secondpersonalityisntrevealedtillend).Ethanisalso
thedetectiveofthestory.

STEVEUDELHOVEN(Narrator)BreaksthefourthWallthroughouttheperformance
Inthebeginningoftheplayhegivesbackground.Hegivesafamilyfriendly
feeltothestorysoitsnotsointense.Steveendsupastheactualdetective
intheend.Volunteersatthementalhospital.

TOBIHasashorttermmemory,VERYobservant,smart,intelligent

SubCharacters
STACYTHENICENURSETheonlykindnurseinasylum.Shesapotentialsuspect
becauseofhertemper.

MARYMarygivesoffthecreepyfeelbecausesheseemstobeabletopredict
murdersandhasscreamingfits.

BETTYTHEBADNURSENasty,meanandabusivetothepatients,Russian.

ROSEOFSHARONBettysrighthandnurse.Shesmean,too.

GUSFirstpatientkilledduringEthansstay.

SIDThemeanestnurse,hatedeveryoneofthepatients

RandomPatientMinorspeakingline

TheSmilerYeah

Act1
1


Scene1

SCENE:
ThefronthallinCaneHillAsylum.Lateafternoon.
Patientsaremillingaroundaimlessly.Itsblatantlyobviousthattheyare
mentallyunstable.Somearemumblingtothemselves,somearerockingbackand
forthlookingparanoid.Onstageleftthereisasmalltablewithtwochairs
andonitisawornoutCheckersboard.Behindthetableisacouch.Tothe
rightofthatisthefrontdeskwithanolddinosaurofacomputersetonit.
Sidsitsatthedesklookingmean.Thewallsarecrackedandthefeelisvery
ominous.Onthewallisawindowwithrustybarsblockingpatientsfromtrying
toescape.Outsideitlooksgloomy.

Thestageisdark,thensomeones[possiblyevenachildtomakeitcreepier?]
voicestartsrecitingthisnurseryrhyme

Dontyoueverlaughasthehearsegoesby,
Foryoumaybethenexttodie.
Theywrapyouupinabigwhitesheet
Fromyourheaddowntoyourfeet.
Theyputyouinabigblackbox
Andcoveryouupwithdirtandrocks.
Allgoeswellforaboutaweek,
Thenyourcoffinbeginstoleak.
Thewormscrawlin,thewormscrawlout,
Thewormsplaypinochleonyoursnout
Theyeatyoureyes,theyeatyournose,
Theyeatthejellybetweenyourtoes.
Abiggreenwormwithrollingeyes
Crawlsinyourstomachandoutyoureyes.
Yourstomachturnsaslimygreen,
Andpuspoursoutlikewhippingcream.
Youspreaditonasliceofbread,
Andthatswhatyoueatwhenyouaredead.

Thestagegoesdark

ETHAN(Soundsofstruggle)
No!No,Please!OhGod,no!Pleasedontmakemegotothatplace!Imnot
crazy!Please,ImtellingyouImnotcrazy!IMNOTCRAZY!!!!!!!

athudisheardthenallissilent

STEVENarratingfromoffstage
ThisstoryisaboutawarheroknownasEthanQuimby...
Abrightlightflashes
[Ringingnoise]

Ethanwakesupwithapoundingheadacheonthecouchinthefronthall.He
sitsuplookingconfusedandthenalookofdreadcrosseshisface.Stacy
realizesherpatientisawakeandrushesoverfromthefrontdeskwhereshewas
tryingtohaveaconversationwithSid

STACY(Afakesmilecrossesherface)
IassureyouMr.Quimby,yourstayherewillbeabsolutelydelightful!Even
thoughyoudontwanttobehere,Youllbegladyourexwifecheckedyouin!
PostTraumaticStressDisorderiseasilytreatable!Definitelybecauseyours
isaverymildcase!

ETHAN
Thanks.sitsupinthecouchheslayingonImsureIlladjusttotheplace
innotime.(laughsnervouslyThoughIreallydontthinkitsnecessaryfor
metobehere.So,aboutwhathappenedbefore...IhopeIdidnthurtanyone.

STACY
Oh,nothingreallyhappened,youjust...Didntwanttobeherethatsall.It
happenstomostpatientswhenthey'rebroughthere.Atfirstitwillbetough
toadjustbutsoonyouwillbeabletoovercomeyourdisorderandgobackto
yournormallife.Stacysaidreassuringly

Marysuddenlyscreams.Shestartsfreakingoutshethrowsherselfontothe
floorasifsomethingwastryingtoattackher,sheknocksoveratablekicking
andscreaming.BettyandRoseOfSharonrunonfromStageleftandpinher
down.ShesuddenlystopsandpointsatEthan

MARYsaysinademonicvoice
TheSmileriscomingforyounext!

Shegoesstillhasshesinjectedbyashot

SID(Saysfromwherehessittingatthedeskreadingamagazine)
Mr.Udelhoven!Takethenewbietohisroom!Itsroom5b.Go!Now!!

StevewalksuptoEthan

STEVE
Well,IguessImtakingyoutoyourroom.Oh,andthatsnormalaroundhereby
theway.

ETHAN
Really?EthanlooksatMaryThatsgoingtobereallyhardtogetusedto.
Whats,um,wellWhatsherreasonforbeinghere?

STEVElooksatMarywhilehespeaks
Maryisschizophrenic.

ETHAN
Oh.

SteveexitsstageRightEthanfollowinghimthroughthedoormarked5b.Steve
opensthedoorandenterstheroom,Ethanfollowingcloselybehind

ETHAN
Um.WhydidthatnursecallyouMr.Udelhoven?BythewaymynameisEthan
Quimby.
3


STEVETurnsredinthefaceanddownathisshoes
Thatsmyname.SteveUdelhoven,Iinternhere,IwanttobeadoctorsoI
thoughtthiskindofexperiencewouldlookgoodonmyresum.Ivecomehere
everysummerforthepast2years.YournameisEthanQuimby?Realization
crossesStevesfaceEthanQuimby,asinthedecoratedwarhero?Iread
aboutyouinthepaper.Whatareyoudoinghere?(hesaidexcitedly)Didntyou
like,saveyourentiresquadfrombeingbombed?Andyoulikedraggedyour
injuredcomradesoutofthefiringline?Dudeyoureahero!

ETHAN
Yeah.chucklesandscratcheshisheadawkwardlyThatsme.

StacywalksintoEthansroomwhileSteveisinthemiddleofhissentence

STEVE
Ofallpeople,Iwouldntexpectyoutobeinamentalhospital.(hesaid
questioningly)

STACY
Well,weallhavesecrets,youknow.

ETHAN
Whatswrongwiththatgirl?Whydidshestartscreaming?Andyellingatme
sayingYourenext?Whats...TheSmiler?

STACY
Maryisalittleunstableatthemoment.Butdontworry,shellcalmdownsoon
enough.AndAsforTheSmiler,well...youdonthavetoworryaboutthat,its
nothing.Stacysaysdefensively.Anyways,itstimeforyourdailypills.

StacygivesEthanapapercupfullofthreesmallmulticoloredpills

STEVE
TheSmileristhisinsanekillerwhorunsaroundatnightandmurderspatients,
wefindthemlayingontheirbedswithacreepysmileyfaceonthewindowdrawn
outoftheirblood.Isntthatsomething?Onlyalunaticwoulddosomething
likethat,butthenagainthisplaceisfullofemsoitcouldbeanybody.
Stevesmilesallcrazylike

STACY
Steve!Dontsaythingslikethat!Ethanswallowthosepillsnow!
Stacyfranticlywalksouttheroom

Ethanswallowsthecupofpills,thenlooksatSteve

ETHAN
What

STEVE
Illseeyoutomorrowatbreakfast.Goodnight.

ETHAN
Woe!Wait!Stevewalksoutthedoor...Goodnight.
4


EthansitsupinbedcreepedoutoftheSmiler
Steveopensthedoorsuddenly[afterlike10seconds]givingEthanaheart
attack

ETHAN
Whattheheckdude!?!

STEVE
Thiswasontheoutsideofyourdoor.(gravely

StevehandsEthanasmileyfacesticker
Stagegoesdark

Scene2

SCENE:
5

SteveandEthanwalkonfromstagerightandsitatthetable.

Alllightsturnoff,spotlightonSteve
Theothercharactersfreezeonstage
Stevestandsupandtalkstotheaudience

STEVE/NARRATOR
Thenextday,SteveandEthanareinthecommonroomplayingcheckers.Lets
seewhathappensnext.

Stevesitsdown
Lightsturnbackon,resumingthescene

ETHAN
Areyousure?

STEVE
StevemakeshismoveonthecheckerboardYeahdude,IswearIwasdoingmy
nightlypatrolwhenIsawthesticker.Thatusuallymeansthepersoninthat
roomisgoingtobekilled,happenseverytime.Sohowcomeyouarentdead
yet?

ETHAN
Idon

RoseOfSharonrunsthroughaudience,screamingherline

ROSEOFSHARON
Sidsbeenmurdered!!!!

Allthepatientsinthecommonspacegaspdramatically

BETTY
Sid?!TheSmilersnevergoneaftertheworkershereattheinstitution.

AllstagelightsgooffandaspotlightshinesontoSteveasthenarrator
EveryonefreezesinplaceexceptSteve

STEVE/NARRATOR
SidwasthelongestemployednurseatCaneHillAsylum.Lasting10yearsof
helping,ornothelping,patientsgetbetter.Sidisalsothefirststafftobe
killedbyTheSmiler.

Stevewalksbackintohispreviousposition
Spotlightdisappearsandalllightscomebackup
Everyoneunfreezes

ETHANwhisperstoSteve
Hey!Weshouldcheckoutthecrimescene!

STEVEwhispersback
Finebyme!

EthanandStevewalkoffstageleft
6

Scene3

SCENE:
Steve,Ethan,Betty,RoseofSharon,andStacywalkintotheroomofthecrime.
Adeadbodyliesonthebedthatsstainedwithblood.Onthewallacreepy
smileyfacewithfangsandXsaseyesdrawnonthewalloftheofthevictims
room.

STEVE
OhmyGod,IthinkIknowwhodidthis...Itwasthe...the...

ETHAN
Who?

STEVE
TheSmiler.

ETHAN(Worriedlookonface)
Really?!ThatsthekindofpersontheSmileris?...Thats...insane.

STEVE
Iknowright.ImreallysurprisedthatImstillalive.

ETHAN
Okay,Wenowknow,theSmilerpaintsasmileyfacewithfangsandXsonthe
wallusingitsvictimsblood.

Steve,Ethan,Stacy,Betty,andRoseOfSharonstartwalkingaroundand
inspectingthescene.SteveandEthangooffinacornerStagerightandstart
talking,thenursesconversestageleftontheothersideoftheroom,they
dontseemtobeveryaffected

STEVE
Thenursesneverseemtobeaffectedwhenadeathoccurs,doyouthinkitcould
bethem?Theyarereallyvicioussometimes,theydontcareatallforthe
patients.

ETHAN
Imeanmaybe,butthisisanursewhywouldanursekilloneoftheirown?

STEVE
Whodoyouthinkitis?Whatstheirmotive,whyaretheydoingsuchathing?

ETHAN
Idontknow,butwhoeveritisthisisn'tthelasttimetheyllkill.Thisis
theworkofsomeonewholovesthesightofsomeonesuffering.Thisissick.

Steve,Ethan,RoseOfSharon,andBettyexitstageleft
Stacystaysbehindandlooksonelasttimeatthedeadbodyandsmileyface

STACYdeadpans
GoodbyeSid.
Stacythenexitsstageleft

Scene4

SCENE:
EthanpacesbackandforthwhileSteveissittingonthecoucheatingapiece
ofham,lookingfrustrated.Steveseemscalmaboutthesituationathand.

ETHAN
Thisisstartingtofreakmeout.Idontknowwhattodofirst.

STEVE
Well,thishasbeengoingonforabout2years,andherewejusttrytoroll
withit.

ETHAN
Youresaying,youdontcare?!Youdontmindiftheydie,aslongasyoure
alive?!?Youcanjustwatchalloftheseinnocentpeoplediewithasmileon
yourface?Whyhasntanyonedoneanythingaboutthis?2years?2YEARSSteve,
andpeoplearestillgettingkilled!?Whyhasntthepolicebeeninvolved?Why
areyousocarelessaboutTheSmiler?

STEVE
IcutsoffbyTOBIwhowalksin[stageright]butseemstohavebeen
listeningOhheyTobi(Stevesvoicesuddenlybecomesgentle)

TOBI
Theresasimplesolutionforthatmyfriend,itsquitediscernibleactually.
Thenursesdontcaresquataboutus.Theonlyreasontheyarehereis
becausetheyrepaidoodlesofmoney,oodles.Eveneveneveneveneven
StuttersnurseStacy.Oodles.

EthanstaresatTobi,astonished.Steveshiftsuncomfortably.

Andyouwerewonderingwhothekillerismyfriend?Werentyoumyfriend?Yes,
yes,(Herubshislipstogether)Iknowwhothekilleris,orwas,thatis,and
Icantellyouits,hes....Tobisuddenlylookslostandfrustrated,he
clencheshishandsandrubshislipstogetherWhat?WhatamIdoinginyour
roommyfriend?Whattheoodles?

Ascreamissuddenlyheardfromthelobby
Ethan,Steve,andStacyrushtoseewhatsgoingon
Gusrocksbackandforthonthecouchlookingpetrified.Suddenlyhejumpsup
andbangsonthewindow

GUS
No!Idontwanttobehere!Idontwanttodieyet!Somebodyhelpme!
Somebodyhelp!

Gusyellshysterically.RoseOfSharonrunsinandtackleshimtothefloor,
shethendragshimoutwhileheswhimpering.
Apieceofpaperisfoundontheground
Ethanpicksitup
Findsitalettermadeofmagazineletters
9

Stevereadsitaloud

STEVE
IknowyouaretryingtofindoutwhoIam,andthatsgreatandall.But
stop.Itsbestifyoustayoutofmybusinessandletmedomyjob.Youare
allgoingtodieanywaysowhatsthepoint?interruptedbyEthan

ETHAN
TheirJOB!?!Whatjobinvolvesmurderingpeople!?!WellImeanbeinginthe
military,andbeingahitmanohandalsoEthaniscutoffbySteve

STEVE
Wait!Letmefinish,geezhelooksatthepaperforacouplesecondsandthen
flipsitovertheresapoem.(Stevetakeadeepbreath)

STEVE
Itsanurseryrhyme!

Dontyoueverlaughasthehearsegoesby,
Foryoumaybethenexttodie.
Theywrapyouupinabigwhitesheet
Fromyourheaddowntoyourfeet.
Theyputyouinabigblackbox
Andcoveryouupwithdirtandrocks.
Allgoeswellforaboutaweek,
Thenyourcoffinbeginstoleak.
Thewormscrawlin,thewormscrawlout,
Thewormsplaypinochleonyoursnout
Theyeatyoureyes,theyeatyournose,
Theyeatthejellybetweenyourtoes.
Abiggreenwormwithrollingeyes
Crawlsinyourstomachandoutyoureyes.
Yourstomachturnsaslimygreen,
Andpuspoursoutlikewhippingcream.
Youspreaditonasliceofbread,
Andthatswhatyoueatwhenyouaredead.

Restpeacefully,
TheSmiler.

EthanandStevestareatthepaper

ETHAN(Gravely)
Mymomusedtotellthisnurseryrhymetome.ItscalledTheHearsePoem.

STEVE
Whataloser.Thisiswhathesthreateninguswith?Everyonediesanyway.
Creepifyingitwontmakeitanyscarier!

ETHAN
TheSmileristryingscareus.Thislunaticistryingtotellusthatthisis
whatsgoingtobecomeofusanyway,soweshouldntresistbecausetheresno
10

point.IfhethinksEthanQuimbyisjustgoingtoletthishappenthenThe
Smilersgotanotherthingcoming!Well
BettystormsinangryatSteveandEthan

BETTY
Whatareyoudoinghere!?Youresupposedtobeinbed!Itspastlightsout!
Whatdoyouhavethere?ShecrossedovertothemWhatsthis?Takesthe
noteArethesecutoutsfromSidsmagazines??Youfreaks!Nowgotoyour
room,Mr.Quimby.AndSteve,findsomethingelsetodo!

EthanwalksintohisroomonStageRight
WhileSteveisabouttoexitsstageleftheturnsbacktolookatBetty
Bettyappearswithastrictlookonherface
Alllightsturnoff,spotlightonSteve
Theothercharactersfreezeonstage
Stevetalkstotheaudience

STEVE
Shessomean!

Lightsturnbackon,resumingthescene
Stevequicklyturnsaroundandexits
Stagegoesblack

11

Scene5
SCENE:
StevesheadpopsoutStageLeft.SpotlightonSteve.

STEVE
ThreedayshavepastandnosignoftheSmiler.DunDunDUNNN!!!

Lightsturnon
ScenebeginswithEthanandStevereadingsbooksinthemainlobbywiththe
otherpatients
StevesuddenlystopsandturnstoEthan

STEVE
Youknow,3daysandnosignofTheSmilerafterhiscutelittlestuntwith
thatgrossnurseryrhyme.Imstartingtothinkallheisisabigwimp,a
reallystup

Steveisinterruptedwithascreamfromfromoffstage
Apatientrunsinfromstageleftandyellsfrantically

RANDOMPATIENT
Ohmygod!Gusisdead!

MARY
Iknewit!!!!Iknknknewit.Marythenstartslaughinghystericallyand
Bettycomesupbehindherandinjectsherwithashot.Marythenpassesout.
BettyandRoseOfSharoncarriesMaryofstageleft

STEVE
WellthenaseveryonestandsupandEthanrunsoffstagelefttogoseethe
crimescene,Stevethenfollows,alongwithTobi,exitingstageleftalso,the
boysrunbackinonstagelefttoasetupmurderscene,almostidenticalto
Sids.

Atthecrimescene
EthanandStevestandlookingatthesmilersface
EthanpullsSteveasidetotalkoneonone.Theotherstalkwithonlytheir
mouths{novoicesareheardfromthem}onlyEthanandStevesconversationcan
beheardintheaudience

ETHAN
IvebeenhavingsomesuspicionsaboutwhotheSmileris.Everyonehereisa
suspectandweneedtogomoreindepthwithourevidence.Ithinkweshould
interrogatesomeofthenurses.AfterwhatTobisaid,itmakessensethat
theydwanttomurdersomelunaticpatients,Imeanwearethereasontheyare
stuckhere24/7.

Alllightsturnoff,spotlightonSteve.Theothercharactersfreezeonstage.
Stevetalkstotheaudience

STEVE
Nowhethinksofthis.Rollseyesandhead

Lightsturnbackon,everyoneunfreezes,resumingthescene
12

STEVE
ButwhataboutSid?Hewasanurse,andhewaskilled.

ETHAN
YeahIknow,butweneedtostartfromsomewhere,andthenursesarethemost
mysterious.WeshouldtalkwithStacyfirst.Haveyouseenhertemper?she
seemsniceandallatfirst,butifyoudontdosomethingshewantsright
away,shegetsangry,likewhenshewantedmetotakemypillsonthefirstday
ofmystay!

STEVE
Inoticedthat.ThatdidntseemlikeStacy,notatall.

ETHAN
Comeon.Stacysrightoverthere.Letsgotalktoher.

EthanandStevewalkovertoStacyandpullheraside

Stacyhasafakesmileonherfacelikeshestryingtohidesomething
STACYHeyboys.HowcanIhelpyou?

STEVE
Weneedtotalktoyou.Like,rightnow.Itsurgent.

STACYHerfaceturnsangryforasplitsecondthenchangedbacksofastitwas
almostdemonic
Well,itslunchtime.Youshouldbeeating.Butifitsurgent,letstalk.

STEVE
Nothere.Inthemainroom.

STACY
Leedtheway.

EthanandStevelookateachotherthenexitStageLeft,Stacyfollowingclose
behind

Stagegoesdark

13

Scene6
SCENE:
Stacyentersandwalksovertothenursesdesk.Afteracouplesecondsgoby
EthanandStevestorminfromstageleft.Ethanwalksuptothedeskinserious
mode.

ETHANangrily
ALRIGHT,STACY!WEKNOWYOUAREUPTOSOMETHINGBAD,ANDWEWANTTOKNOWWHY!

Everyoneturnstheirheadtothefrontdesk.StevegoesuptoEthan,gently
holdinghisshoulder

STEVE
Thatisnotthewaytointerrogatesomeone.Youneedtoberespectful.

ETHAN(whisperstoSteve
Whoknows,whatifsheistheSmiler.

STEVE
Whatifsheisnt?

ETHAN
Iguessytalksquietlyouhaveapoint.ButIwannaplaygoodcopbadcop!

StevegiveEthananannoyedlook

ETHAN
Alright!Alright.EthanturnsbacktowardStacyCanyoupleasesitdown?
gesturestothetablewiththecheckerboard

STACY
Sure.

Stagelightsgoout,spotlightonSteve,allactorsfreezeexceptSteve.

STEVE
ShecanbeSOOannoyinglypolitesometimes!

Spotlightdisappears,stagelightscomebackon,playresumes:Stacymovesto
thecheckerboardtableandsitsinthechairthatsnexttothetableStage
Right.EthanandStevefollowherbutEthangoestothechairontheopposite
endofthetable{StageLeftofthetable}.Ethanpicksupthecheckerboardand
putsitontheground.StevemovestotherightofEthanandcrosseshisarms.

STACY
So

ETHAN
Wearebeginningtohavesuspicionsaboutyou.

STACY
Aboutwhat?

14

STEVE
AboutyouasTheSmiler.

STACY
What?!Areyoucrazy?!?WhywouldIeverkillsomeone?

ETHAN
Youdontgettoaskquestionshere.

STEVE
Thatswhyweareasking.DoyouknowwhoTheSmileris?

STACY
IfIknewthatIwouldhavetoldeveryone,includingthepolice.

Stacy,Ethan,andStevearesilentforamoment.Stevestartstospeakwhenhe
iscutofbyabloodcurdlingscream.Stacysfaceturnsfrightened

STACYmumblesawhisper
ThatsRoseOfSharon.

ETHAN
What?

STACYlouder
ThatsRoseOfSharon.

EthanandStevelookateachotherthatrunofStageLeftatthesametime.
Stacy,Betty,Tobi,andarandompatientfollowEthanandSteveshortlyafter.
Thestagegoesdark.

Scene7

SCENE:
RoseOfSharonwalksovertoMarysroomtogiveherherdailypillswhenshe
seesherdeadonthegroundwithapuddleofbloodbelowherseepingoutfroma
knifewoundinherchest.AbloodcurdlingscreamarosefromRoseOfSharon
whenshesawthedeadpatient.

ROSEOFSHARON
OhmyGod...NotMary...OhmyGod..(RoseOfSharonstumblesandhitsthewall
behindhercrying.

lightsgooff,spotlightonStevewhoentersStageLeft,allactorsfreeze
exceptforSteve

STEVE
MarywasRoseOfSaronspatientsincetheveryfirstdayMarywascheckedinto
CaneHillAsylum.MaryhadbeenattheAsylumfor9months,andRoseOfSharon
hadbeenwithherthewholeway.Marynevergotbetter,sheonlygotworse.
Roseknewthatherdaywouldcomebutshedidntwantittobesoclose.You
15

couldsaythatRosefeltlikeamothertoMarysotoseeherdeadreallyhit
hardforRose.

Spotlightdisappearsandalllightsturnbackon.SteveexitsStageLeft.Play
resumes.Ethan,Steve,Betty,Stacy,Tobiandarandompatientrushtothe
sceneStageLeft.RoseOfSharonisonthegroundagainstthewallcrying
heavily.EthanandStevewalkovertoRoseOfSharonandhelpherstandup.

STEVE
WhatswrongRose?

ROSEOFSHARON
I...IjustwalkedintoMarysroomandshewasdeadwithachestwoundin
her..OhmyGodshes...shesdead.

(Theywalkhertotheplacetheyinterrogatedher{themainlobbythattheyall
hadjustleft}TheyexitStageLeft.

ETHAN
AlrightRosewellbebackverysoon.Wehavetogoseewhatexactlyhappened
toMary.Heredrinksomewaterandtrytokeepcalm.

STEVE
WellberightbackIpromise.

SteveandEthanwalkbackovertoMarysroomwhereBetty,Stacy,Tobianda
randompatientarelookingatthecrimescene.

ETHAN
So...howdidMarydie?

BETTY(saysemotionlessly)
Someonestabbedherinthechestandthendrewanincompletesmileyfaceonthe
walloutofherblood.

STEVE
ThatmeansthatTheSmilertookanothervictim.

ETHAM
Yeah,thekillercouldbeanyoneatthispoint.

BETTY
Well,Ineverlikedheranyways!Imgoingtogodopaperworkinmyoffice.

BettyexitsStageLeft

STACY
Doyouknowhowlongagoshewasmurdered?

TOBI
Lookslikeitwasabout30minutesago.

RANDOMPATIENT
Imgoingtofinisheating.Ijustcamebecauseeveryoneelsewas.
16


RandomPatientexitsStageLeft.

ETHAN
Doesanyknowwhothatguyis?Imstartingtothinkhedoesnthaveaname.

STACY
Ohmygoodness!ImlateforRicksfeeding!

ETHAN
WhosRick?

STEVE
Adisabledpatient.

StacyexitsStageLeft

ETHAN
ImgoingtogotothebathroomthengocheckonRoseOfSharon.

STEVE
Okay.ImgonnabounceideasoffofTobihere.StevepattedTobiontheback
lightly.Whenyougetbackwelltellyouwhatwevecomeupwith.

ETHAN
Okay.

EthanexitsStageLeft.

STEVE
So.WhatdoyoumakeofthisTobi?Whoisthisguy?

TOBI
Ohyes,myfriend.Thisisveryserious,myfriend.Butyoushouldnotbe
askingwhy,buthow.Yousee,thereareoodlesofthingsInotice.OodlesTobi
saysthisurgently.Firstoodle,theretheretherearenosignsofstruggle,
sowhoeverdidthisdiditveryveryveryfast,ohyes.Inanout,yes.
Secondoodle,thesmileyfaceisntcomplete,yes?Yes.Sowhoeverdidthis
wasinahurry,myfriend.Thirdoodle

TobiiscutoffbyEthanwhocomesrunningbackintheroomStageLeft.

ETHAN
Guys!RoseOfSharonisdead!

Allstagelightsturnoff.SpotlightappearsonSteve.Allactorsfreezein
place.

STEVE
Oo,baby!Thisisgettinggood!!

Spotlightdisappears.Allstagelightsreappear.Allactorsunfreeze.Play
resumes.

17

Well,comeon!

Ethan,Steve,andTobiexitStageLeftandstagegoesdarktosetup
RoseOfSharonsplaceofdeathinthemainlobby:RoseOfSharonisdead
sittinguponthecouchbutrestingbackonthebackrest{notlyingdown}.A
lineofbloodrunsfromthecornerofhermouthandthereisaknifewoundto
thechest.ASmileyfacewithfangsandXsforeyesisdrawnonthewallin
thespacebetweenthecouchandthefrontdesk.Ethan,Steve,andTobienter
StageLeftandgostraighttowardsRoseOfSharonsbody.

STEVE
OhmyGod!Theyredroppinglikeflies!!

TOBI
Flieshaveoodles.

EthanandSteveignorethecomment.

ETHAN
WhenIcameintocheckonhershewasdead.

TOBI
Theresbloodcomingfromhermouth.Shewaspoisoned.Thenshestabbed,oh
yes,thatshowithappened.ThatshowallTobiclencheshisfistsand
looksatthegroundirritated.Hisfaceclearsandlooksupwithaconfused
lookonhisface.What?Wait,whereamI?WhyamIhere?Whatsgoingon?

SteveturnstowardTobiandgrabshisshouldersnoturgently,butnot
necessarilygentle.

STEVE
Tobi,RoseOfSharonwasjustkilledbyTheSmiler.IneedyoutogofindBetty
andtellherthis.

TOBI
Rosedied?Woe,okay.Whydoesntanyonetellmeanythingthatsgoingon
aroundhere?

TobiexitsStageLeft.SteveturnsbacktowardEthan.

STEVE
Well,hesrightaboutonething.RoseOfSharondiddieofpoison.Butifshe
wasdead,thenwhydidTheSmilerstabher?

ETHAN
Wellhissignaturemarkisasmileyfacedrawninblood,thenheprobablyjust
neededtheblood.Heshivers.Thisissosick.Whywouldanyonewanttodo
this?

STEVE
IvebeenaskingthisquestionthewholetimebutIcantseemtofindthe
answer.

18

EthanandStevearesilentforonlyamoment.JustthenTobicomesbackon
stageenteringfromStageLeftwithBettyfollowingbehind.BettyLooksscared
asifshedidntquitebelievewhatTobihadsaid.Whenshesees
RoseOfSharonsbodyshestartstosniffle.

TOBI
IfoundBetty.

Bettychokesbackasobthenspeaks.

BETTY
Ididntwanttobelieveitwastrue.

Alllightsdisappear.AspotlightappearsonSteve.Steveturnstowardthe
audience.Allactorsfreeze.

STEVE
RoseOfSharonwastheoneBettywasclosesttothemost.Theyhadinstantly
bondedwhentheyfirstmet,ironicallythatwasgivingashottoacrazed
patient.BettyfeltlikeasistertoRose,sotoseehergonepulledather
heart.Bettywashurttoseehersistafromanothermistago.

Spotlightdisappears.Alllightsturnbackon.Allactorsunfreeze.Play
resumes.

BETTYsaystearyeyed
Gotobed.

ETHAN
Butithasntevenbeendinnertimeyet.

BETTY
Isaidgo!

Steve,Ethan,andTobiexitStageLeft,leavingBettyalone.Bettyturns
towardsRoseOfSharonandcries.Thestagegoesdark.

Scene8

SCENE:
Tobi,Steve,andEthanaresittinginEthansroomdiscussing.

STEVE
Thisalldoesntmakeanysense!Whyarenursesbeingkilledoffallofa
sudden!?

TOBI
ThebesteducatedguesscouldbethatnursesweregettingsuspiciousofwhoThe
Smileris,soheskillingthemalltheoodlesoff!

19

ETHAN
IthinkTheSmilerissomeonethatwealldontsuspect.SomeonelikeNurse
Stacy.Doyouseehowshegetseasilyangrybutshehidesitbehindthis
facadeofaniceandcaringnurse?Butreallyitcouldbeanyoneofus.We
areinthelooneybinforareason.

STEVE
Thatswellthatstrue.

ETHANSighsandstandsup
Wellwearegettingnowhere.letsjustgotobedandthinkaboutittomorrow.

SteveandTobiwalkoutStageLeftandEthanlaysdowninhisbed,thelights
gooffwhentheresashriekandtheaudiencecanhearthevoicesofBettyand
StacyoutsideEthansdoorStageLeft

BETTY
Donttellanyone!Justsayheleftearlythisyear!

STACY
Makesureeveryonestaysintheirroomforthenight.EspeciallyEthan.

BETTY
Right.EthanandStevegotreallyclose,wecantlethimknowthatStevehas
beenmurdered.

STACY
Wheredoweputhisbody?

BETTY
Justthrowitoutbackwiththeothers.

20


Scene9

SCENE:
Ethansitsinthecornerofhisroom,itsdarkbutstilllightenoughforthe
audiencetosee.EthanismourningthedeathofhisdearfriendSteve,hewas
killedbyTheSmiler.

ETHANtalkingtohimself
Itshouldvebeenme.Whydidhehavetodie?Thisislikethewarallover
again.Ethanrocksbackandforthandstartshyperventilating.Whenallofa
suddentheaudiencecanhearadoorcreakingopen.Slowfootstepsareheardon
thestage.Ethanhasnocluewhatsgoingon.Apairofhandsreachesoutand
grabsEthan,theresastruggleandEthanisthrowntothefloor.

THESMILER
Iputthatstickeronyourdoorforareason.Inacreepyvoice

Ethantacklesthekillertothegroundandthenrunsoutoftheroomtothe
frontlobby.Hisclothesaredisheveledandhishairismessedup.Theonly
personinthelobbyisTobi

ETHAN
Tobi!Ohthankgod,Tobi!EthanlooksbehindhimImsogladtoseeyou!

Stevepopsoutfrombackstage

STEVE
NotDead!Winkk!!

ETHAN
Ineedhelp!TheSmilerjusttriedtokillme,butIgotaway!

TOBI
TheSmiler?

ETHAN
Yes!Ithinkhesstillinmyroom!Weneedanurse,NOW!Ethanstartstorun
offStageLeftbutTobicatcheshisarmandpullshimback.

TOBI
Thenurseswilldoyounosquat,nosquatatallmyfriend.Justcheckthe
surveillancecameras.

ETHAN
ThesurveillancecamerasTHESURVEILLANCECAMERAS!?WEHAVESURVEILLANCE
CAMERASANDNOONEBOTHEREDTOCHECKEDTHEM!?

TOBI
Thenursesdonosquatforus,notevenhalfofone.They,theythey,Tobi
looksaround.WhyamItalkingtoyou?

ETHAN
EthanshakesTobiWherearethesurveillancecameras?!?
21


TOBI
TobiglancesatEthaninconfusionHowdoyouknowaboutthesurveillance
cameras???Wait!Wehavesurveillancecameras?Whattheoodles?!

ETHAN
YAH!Youjusttoldmeaboutthem!Tobiwherearethey!?(urgently)Youknow,
lookaround,findthemforme!Remember!Pleaseremember!

TOBI
Well,massconfusiononhisfacethosenursesseemtoalwaysbestaringbehind
thosecomputersbackthere.Pointstothefrontdesk

ETHAN
Thecomputers!Tobi!Whydidntanyonethinkofthat!?
EthanrunstothecomputerwithTobiintow.Stacywalksinstageleft
suddenly.ShenoticesTobiandEthanbehindthecomputersrightawayand
brisklywalkstowardsthem.

STACY
Whatareyoutwodoing!?

ETHAN
Wearelookingatthesurveillancecameras!

STACY
Why?Eitherway,youguyscantbebackthereandthesurveillancecamerasare
offlimits.No!Imnotlettingyoulookatthose!

TOBITobiwalksinfrontofStacy,facetofaceandwithaflattoneTobi
beginstospeak
Ms.StacyRebeccaSmith,StacypullsasurprisedlookIdontgiveasquat
aboutwhatyouthink,whatsthepassword?

STACY
Stacymurmurs...Oodles.

Ethantypesinthepassword.Projectorscreenrollsdowntodisplaywhats
beingshownonthelaptop.Filmbeingplayed.BeforetheSmilersidentityis
shownStevejumpsupintheaudienceandthestagegoesblack,actorsfreeze.
SpotlightonSteve

AUDIENCEINTERACTION:

STEVE
Dowereallywanttoknowwhothemurdereris?Isitthatimportant?Ifyou
wanttheplaytocontinueshoutoutthepasswordasloudasyoucan!!!On
three,ready?One!Two!!Three!!

~AUDIENCESHOUTSOUTPASSWORD~
STEVEgesticulateswildly
Youcandowaybetterthanthat!Comeon!Again!One!Two!!Three!!!

~AUDIENCESHOUTSOUTPASSWORDAGAIN~
22


STEVEgesticulateswildlyagain
Muchbetter!Lettheplaycontinue!

Lightsonstageturnbackon.Stevereturnstobackstage

AUDIENCEINTERACTIONENDS

Screenresumesfilmofsurveillance.ItshowsEthanwalkingintotheroomwith
aknifeinhishand,andthenwalksoutwithabloodyknifeandamalicious
smileonhisface.Ethanpausesthefilm,andgaspsinshock

ETHAN
Ohmygod!Thatcantbepossible!Thatjustcantbeme.Idontbelievethis.
Ethanbacksuplookingathishands,terrifiedandtremblingwithfear.But!
ButIwasattackedbyThTheSmiler!How

TOBI
Probablyahallucinationmyfriend.

StacybacksawayfromEthanlookinghorrified.Tobijuststandsthere

Itspossible,ohyes.TheresthisdisordercalledDID.DissociativeIdentity
Disorder,alsoknownasMultiplePersonalityDisorder,isthoughttobean
effectofseveretraumaduringearlychildhood,usuallyextreme,repetitive
physical,sexual,oremotionalabuse.Didyouknowanythingthatthatthat
couldhavetriggeredthisdisorder?Oodles.

ETHAN
Well,mymomusedtoreadmythisnurseryrhymeeverynightwhenIwasyounger.
MybrotherwasreallyaggrEthancutshimselfoffandjuststaresblankly
atthefloor.Hethenstartssmilingandlooksupagain.Hestartstalking,
buthisvoiceisdifferent,itsoundsbluntandmalicious.Soyoufoundus
out.Youdeserveacookie!Butyouknow,Idontdeserveallthecredit,our
doorEthanSidwastheoriginalSmiler.ThenightsheleftthestickeronSweet
littleEthanwentoutandsearchedTheSmilerandwellwhenwefoundhimwitha
knife,Icameoutandkilledhimfirst.LaughsYouknowtherest,poorSteve!
KillerEthanssneerstartstremblinguntiltherealEthanspersonality
startsshowingthroughagain.EthanshuddersviolentlyandlookstoTobi,
horrified.

TOBI
Iguessthatshowthisallcametobe.

ETHAN
WhatdoIdonow?HowdoIcurethis?Hisvoiceallshaky

STACY
WhiletheboysweretalkingStacyhadsnuckupbehindEthanwithasyringe
Thecureistolivetherestofyourmiserablelifeinthisasylum.Stacy
stabsEthanwithashotandEthangoesdown.

23

Thestagegoesblack
Footstepsonstage
Bloodcurdlingscream

THEEND

24